


Nothing Like a Storybook

by Merrydith



Category: Phan, Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2009 Phan, Accurate to the T, Alternate Universe - College/University, Anal Sex, Angst, Bullying, Chance Meetings, Completed, Denial of Feelings, Dirty Jokes, First Dates, First Kiss, First Time, Flirting, Fluff and Smut, Friendship/Love, Gay, Happy Ending, Homophobic Language, Jealousy, Light Bondage, M/M, Manchester City, Masturbation, Merrydith, Phan Smut, Phanfiction, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Smut, Strangers to Lovers, Worksofphiction, YouTube
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-11
Updated: 2017-04-21
Packaged: 2018-09-23 10:46:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 37
Words: 246,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9652571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Merrydith/pseuds/Merrydith
Summary: University Of Manchester, 2009Dan Howell is an aloof loner and Phil Lester a well-known weirdo. In theory they are worlds apart, but a chance post-party meeting under the Manchester moonlight sends their lives spiraling and soon they find they have a lot more in common than they thought.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> *Updates every Friday! <3  
> WARNING!!!: This story contains mentions of rape and abusive relationships. It also contains heavy smut and adult themes. These aspects are parts of the story but I didn't want to spoil anything at the beginning of the chapters (because I like when you folks are pleasantly - or unpleasantly - surprised). I know some people don't like to be surprised so this is your fair warning.  
> Disclaimer: Characters are works of fiction and no copyright infringement is intended. I do not claim to own Dan or Phil.
> 
> Visit my tumblr as well: http://worksofphiction.tumblr.com/  
> I will upload phanart and keep you posted about this story and extras!
> 
> Happy Reading!

Dan Howell leaned his head against the wall behind him and groaned to himself after looking over the notes he took while half asleep the day before in his History of Law class. He should have paid attention. He knew that this was going to happen. It was a few days before his midterm and he already knew he was going to fail. Looking around his University room, he placed the notebook in front of his crossed legs and onto the wrinkled duvet. Not only was he getting tired of staring at the page below him, he was getting tired of the silence. His roommate had moved out the fourth week of University due to a financial issue and he wasn’t complaining because it meant he got his own room for the semester, but the silence was sometimes slightly unsettling. Dan hopped off his bed and walked over to the window, opening it and looking outside. He didn’t really have a view. Just a few trash bins in the back and he could almost see the courtyard in front of the dining hall. He checked the time and decided that there was no use trying to study more than he already had today and he began to pack up his things. Saturday nights usually went something like this. As he was closing his notebook and bookmarking his textbook, he read the cover. A Concise History of Common Law. Could he have picked a more boring major? Nothing about this book was remotely interesting and he grimaced at the thought of continuing his studying. He was only a freshman and he already hated school. He put everything in a messy pile and slammed it on the desk next to his bed. He was about to put an earphone in his ear to cover the silence when he heard a knock on his door.

“Dan! I know you’re in there!” he heard the familiar sound of his friend Louise. The corner of his mouth turned up and silently thanked the universe for sending some noise. He walked over to the door and opened it to a smiling Louise. She pushed past him without even asking for an invitation and started talking immediately. Dan didn’t mind, this was normal. “You would not believe the day I’ve had! Some _stupid_ person decided it was okay to cut me in line at the textbook store, and because _I_ am a perfectly normal human being, _I_ was okay with it. But he snagged the last book! The last copy of the book I _needed_!”

She fell back onto Dan’s bed and sighed loudly. Dan didn’t say anything. He didn’t need to. Louise was always good at having conversations with herself in front of other people. Dan wasn’t exactly the loudest person so this was a good fit. He just smiled slightly and let her finish. The way she chose to enunciate her words always made Dan laugh.

“Now I have to order the book online...or go to the shops....or _something_!” she continued. “Danny! I don’t have the _time_ for that! Just this week I made a run to the shops! I don’t have the gas money! Plus, I have this party that I have to go to or PJ is going to _kill_ me!”

Dan walked over to his desk and started fidgeting with a pen that he saw lying on the desktop. Her complaining was refreshing. It made Dan feel better about his minuscule issues and stupid law exams.

“But PJ is bringing this guy Chris that is from his economics class and I’m going to feel so awkward! I don’t know this rando! He could be a _serial killer_!” Louise whispered the last part. Dan chuckled and she shot up and glanced at him with her blue eyes which looked like icicles that were equally pretty as they were terrifying. Dan choked on his laugh and looked down. “You don’t know he isn’t! I haven’t met him! He’s an upperclassman and he knows all these people at the party! I’m going to feel like such a _loser_!”

She lied there for a moment in silence and Dan shifted where he was standing. He didn’t really know what to say. Louise was a social butterfly and for a sophomore she knew a lot of upperclassmen. He wouldn’t have labeled her as a loser. But he wasn’t about to tell her that.

“And PJ is so excited for this party! He’s going to stay right next to Chris the whole time! I’m going to feel like such a third wheel!” she was playing with the hem of her light yellow dress and then she stopped suddenly. She shot up. “Unless!”

Dan couldn’t see himself, but he guessed that he looked like a deer in the headlights. Not only did he know where this was going, he didn’t know how to get out of it. His brain started moving a million miles a minute in search of an excuse.

“You could come with me!” he wasn’t fast enough. He looked at her hoping that she could read how uncomfortable he was. Maybe she could, but she didn’t care. Not today. Dan stared at her for a few more seconds and decided that fighting it was only going to lead to her guilt tripping him and he figured it would just be easier to comply. He smiled a half smile and opened his mouth to speak, but Louise already knew the answer. She jumped up. “Awesome! Oh I’m _totally_ stoked about this!”

She grabbed Dan’s shoulder and he closed his mouth.

“I’ll come snatch ya at 9:00pm, kay?” she made her way to the door and as fast as she showed up, she left. Dan stood in his room completely dumbfounded and alone. He sighed and leaned against his bed silently wishing that she had given him some sort of indication on what to wear. An upperclassmen party? He’d never been invited to one of those before and he didn’t quite know what to expect.

 

-

 

Dan stood in front of his mirror a little before 9:00 looking at himself. He chose a white button down with the sleeves rolled up and his favorite pair of skinny jeans. He did a quick fringe check and grabbed his phone to check the time noticing that his battery was dangerously low. He didn’t think to charge it beforehand and he sighed because this meant he didn’t have a way out of an awkward situation. He had to conserve power.

There was a slight knock on the door and he stood up straight and went to greet Louise for the second time today. He opened the door and discovered that it wasn’t just Louise. Louise was standing there with PJ, whom he’s met a few times before and this other guy that he assumed was Chris. He didn’t have to assume for long because the man lunged forward immediately and introduced himself.

“Dan!” he shouted in a tone of voice that made Dan jump. “Chris Kendall!” He shook his hand and smiled as they all left the room for the parking lot together. Louise was totally right about PJ who looked like he had attached himself to Chris’ hip. Louise fell back and walked with Dan who was trailing behind the two. She looked content and Dan noticed how she had made herself look much older. Her makeup was heavier than usual and her light yellow dress was long gone. Her blonde hair now looked less innocent on top of her black jeans and crop top. She was dressed to impress.

“Thanks for coming,” Louise smiled a genuine smile and Dan looked back at her. It seemed for the first time all afternoon, he was expected to respond. He wasn’t exactly happy that he was being dragged along, but his logic lied in the fact that if he weren’t going, he would be studying. After all, it was a Saturday night.

“Anything to get me out of that room,” he offered her a half smile and she nodded.

“Worst case, if it gets too horrible, we can ditch,” she gave him a reassuring smile and a poke with her elbow, but Dan knew Louise. Louise wouldn’t want to leave. She was always the life of the party and Dan wouldn’t want to yank her from the scene if she was having a blast. He figured he could find a comfy place to browse the internet until it was time to go.

As they piled into the car, Louise called shotgun for Dan and he was grateful because he didn’t want to be sitting in the backseat with anyone he didn’t know. Plus, Chris and PJ seemed totally content with the boot to themselves. Louise turned the key in the ignition and turned around, placing her arm over his seat.

“Seat-belts everyone?” she was always the mum friend and Dan smiled as he turned his head to look out the window. He felt more comfortable that Louise was here.

“How far away is this guys’ house anyway?” Dan asked because he wasn’t sure where these parties even took place.

“Not far. We could walk I suppose..” she backed out of the parking spot. “But I want to save my energy for the partaaaay!”

Dan laughed and nodded, making sure to watch the roads as they drove so he knew exactly where they were. He didn’t like the idea of being trapped in a house he couldn’t locate mentally. They ended up having to park at the West end of campus and walking a few blocks to get the house. Louise didn’t want to park her car on the side of the road just in case she got too drunk to drive and ended up spending the night. He car was much safer in a parking lot. Dan folded his arms as he walked, cursing himself for not bringing a coat. He was sure he would be warm in the house though and he was thinking about that to keep himself from freezing. He was trying to focus on the conversation the three were having in front of him. They were chatting about the people that could be there and PJ was commenting on how he heard about the party from one of his professors.

“This party is going to be crazy!” Chris seemed more excited than the others. He was walking backwards and telling them all a story about a guy he met the last time he went to a party who documented a beer pong game on camera. Apparently the footage was put online and went viral. Dan didn’t like the idea of that but he wasn’t going to say anything that immediately made him stand out. Chris told them to “avoid all cameras, just in case” and everyone laughed but Dan didn’t see how it was funny.

As they arrived to the front of the party, they knew they were in the right place. They could hear the music from the outside of the small house and it almost seemed that the house was moving with the bass. Dan gulped and bit his lip. Louise squealed a little noise of excitement and grabbed Dan’s hand which shook Dan a little. He wasn’t used to the touching and Louise was the only person who could get away with it. They walked up to the door and Chris just walked in, the rest followed without hesitation.

The party was unlike anything that Dan had ever seen before. It was loud and hot and there were people in every direction that he turned. He saw people of every type there, some loud and demanding they be heard over the crowd and some who faded into the background and talked amongst themselves. The whole house smelled of alcohol and Dan decided that was the first thing he needed. He knew nobody there so he took advantage of the hand that was grasping his and dragged Louise to the kitchen which seemed to be the source of the red solo cups. She stood there smiling as he grabbed a beer and handed her one as well. She looked giddy and he wasn’t sure if that was because of the drink offering or the excitement. She took a swig of the beer and he did the same. They stood there for a moment without saying anything. He secretly hoped that she would drag him along with her so he didn’t have to make an effort to find a group to stand in. Luckily, she read his vibe and as she chugged half of the bottle, trying to catch up with the crowd she started walking and waved him over to join her. He took a little sip of the drink and walked behind her.

It didn’t take long for Louise to find her people. Someone she knew from math class or whatever. He didn’t care to grab their names. After all, he probably wasn’t going to see them ever again regardless. The conversation kicked off with the topic of their teacher and gradually ended up about the school system and it’s many flaws. University of Manchester wasn’t the worst school but every public school has it’s moments. Dan contributed lightly but the subject was still quite new. This was his second semester and his experience was much shorter than most of the people there. Louise giggled and managed to pawn a few more drinks off of the group of people by flirting. Someone laughed and joked about how she owed them kisses and Dan was amazed at how well she played the “girly girl” role.

He had met Louise at a floor event. He almost didn’t go but she practically dragged him out of his room. Since the beginning of their friendship Dan knew not to question Louise. She was a rollercoaster and honestly his only shot at a connection to the social world. He didn’t mind her much. Most of the time he forgot that she was a pretty girl and that she was actually very skilled in the act of flirting. Every time he watched her in action it shocked him.

He zoned out for much of the conversation but he was dragged back in when he noticed the two guys nearest to him looking at him with expecting eyes. Dan swallowed. They were waiting on a response. He hadn’t been paying attention and his eyes widened. Thank goodness for Louise. She laughed and lied for him.

“Bloody Hell, Dan! You ought to slow down on the drinks! Is this your fourth?” she playfully pushed him and he flashed her thankful eyes.

“Sorry, yeah. I was somewhere else,” he forged a smile and the guy asked him the question again.

“Louise said you have Professor Burnham for Law History,” the one guy laughed as he said the class name. “What do you think of _her_?”

The way he said “her” suggested that they were looking for a negative reaction. Truthfully, Dan didn’t care enough about his professors to have an opinion. This woman handed him the assignments, he did them and that was that. But it occurred to him that maybe the women was kind of dry and that wasn’t generally a well liked attribute. He forced himself to smirk.

“Oh I don’t know...she’s never bothered me really. But I don’t think she knows I exist,” throwing in the last tidbit of information so they wouldn’t expect much of a story or ask any questions. The one guy to his left laughed.

“You’re lucky! She knew everyone in our class,” he shook his head. “There was this guy in our class, Phil was his name, and he was a total teacher’s pet. I swear he was the only person Burnham liked. He was the reason everyone else nearly failed.”

“What did he do?” Louise asked, suddenly very engaged in the conversation even though she had never taken the class.

“He aced all his exams! There was no curve at all which killed the rest of our scores!” the guy sounded almost passionately angry. “He still had the nerve to come in smiling every day!”

“Phil?” the guy next to him asked, seeming to tense up, recognizing the name. “I knew a Phil like that. That bloody homo was in my psychology class and never stopped talking!”

“Boys!” Louise cried out, obviously very drunk now. “You do not say things like that about a man! I bet Phil is a nice guy!”

The two laughed and after shooting each other a glance, the first one spoke again.

“He’s a weirdo for sure. He came to the last party here and fucked shit up,” the guy shook his head. “I’ll bet he tries to show tonight. People like him don’t belong at this scene.”

“You guys are disgusting,” Louise joked and shook her head. Had she not been drunk, she may have cut them less slack. She wobbled a little and grabbed onto Dan’s shoulder for support. Dan smiled and took another swig finding himself out of beer. Louise changed the subject quite quickly and sooner than later they found themselves talking about something else and Dan decided to go find another drink. He weaved through the sea of people and their elbows and traveled into the kitchen again. It seemed to be the only place in the entire house that wasn’t filled with people so he leaned against the counter and downed an awfully mixed drink. He shuddered and pulled his phone out of his pocket to check the time. It had barely been an hour and he was already sick of this place. He wondered how long he had to stick it out before he could head home unnoticed. He decided it was still too soon so he wandered into the living room and found PJ, joining their conversation which seemed far more appealing than standing next to Louise while she flirted with the upperclassmen.

 

-

 

After about thirty minutes, Dan was only feeling slightly intoxicated and he decided he wasn’t going to push it. He had parted ways with the group of people he was standing with and leaned against a wall in the living room. He took out his phone and decided he would browse until he ran out of power, then leave. He listened to some people’s conversations while he browsed through his Myspace. A group of girls mentioned a plan they were executing to get laid and another group of girls chatted about an ex boyfriend that apparently couldn’t keep his mouth shut. Dan was enjoying the backseat view he got of these random strangers’ lives. But one conversation struck him as more interesting. A group of three guys and a girl talking about the last party mentioned Phil. Never had he heard one name more times in an hour than he heard Phil’s.

“I can’t believe he said he might come tonight!” the girl whispered to the first guy. The guy made a face and shook his head.

“You’d think he’d know better! Who puts a video of a bunch of college kids getting drunk online?” he threw his hands up, clearly frustrated with the subject.

“What if he tries to do it again?” the girl asked.

“Well then he’ll have footage of himself getting punched!” the second guy punched his hand and made a very intense face.

“He’s a smartass and an asshole,” the girl rolled her eyes and looked at her drink.

“What a dork,” the last guy muttered and they laughed, all simultaneously sipping their beer.

Dan was starting to become curious about this boy. What was his deal? Dan didn’t have the courage to ask anyone, plus it didn’t really matter. Phil wasn’t his problem. He also knew that this wasn’t his scene and as curious as he was to see this guy Phil in action, his phone was on 1% and he was growing tired of the college smell. He scanned the room for Louise but he couldn’t see her anywhere. She was far too drunk to drive him, he knew that, yet he felt it would be rude to leave without giving her a heads up. After further scoping the area out, he couldn’t help but notice that her and the guy she had been talking to had vanished. Dan smirked and rolled his eyes, quickly locating PJ.

“Hey I think I’ve had enough for the night, I’m going to head back now. Could you let Louise know?” Dan was yelling in order to be heard over the crowd of people. PJ sort of nodded and Dan sighed. At least he gave it a shot. He turned around and walked out the front door.

The outside air was refreshing and as cold as it was, his slight intoxication was fueling his warmth clearly showing in his flushed cheeks. His hands found the inside of his pockets, he thanked himself for noting the way back to campus and began his walk. His phone quickly died and he found himself relying on his own thoughts for entertainment.

Dan’s mind wandered for a bit, thinking about Law and his investment in his work. He was really going to have to pull some strings in order to pass this midterm. He wasn’t even sure that it was possible. He has always been pretty decent as school and he had never had a problem with doing work on time or bullshitting exams, but University was different. He was going to have to sit down and actually study which was not his cup of tea. He started thinking about Phil and how he aced the class. How? Dan couldn’t memorize dates and cases. Phil must have been super smart. How did he manage to make such a stupid mistake and piss so many people off? Dan wondered if he could find the video online somewhere then remembered his phone was dead.

He turned the street corner and looked ahead of him, seeing that he still had a ways to go, he looked down again and kept walking. It was pretty much a straight shot from there though, so he picked up his pace. All he could think about then was his warm room and a comfy bed.

After walking for about five minutes, he came to a crosswalk. It was late and nobody was really out and about. Most people had either already got to their parties or weren’t going out at all. Dan didn’t see another human on his walk home until now. On the other side of the crosswalk, there was a tall man. He was waiting to cross just as Dan was and standing with his hands in his coat pockets. Dan wasn’t comfortable making much eye contact and he looked to the floor immediately but the other male quite clearly had his eyes on Dan. The light turned and Dan started to cross hoping he wasn’t going to run into trouble. This tall man had jet black hair and slightly intimidating eyes. Dan was never complimented on his strength because he looked as strong as a noodle might, but he lifted his shoulders a bit in an effort to look tougher. The man across the street hadn’t moved an inch since the light turned and it occurred to Dan that he was walking straight towards a man he didn’t know. Unable to stop and turn back without explanation, he kept moving, hating himself for always finding himself in these situations. Keeping his eyes glued to the ground, he reached the other side and passed the kid without looking up. He exhaled the breath he had been holding and kept moving. He didn’t hear any footsteps behind him and he made his first mistake. He turned his head around to see if the other male had moved. The guy not only hadn’t moved across the street, he had turned and was now smiling at Dan as he walked away. Dan snapped his head back into place and kept moving forward at a quicker pace hoping to avoid whatever he just walked into.

“Hey!” the man yelled at him. Dan decided to ignore it and play it off like he didn’t hear it, shoving his hands further into his pockets and speeding up. “Hey, wait!”

The man jogged up behind Dan and he soon realized that he was unable to get out of this one. Dan turned his head and flashed the man a half smile. Being slightly intoxicated not only hurt his ability to use judgement, but it eased his nerves a little.

“Hello,” Dan mumbled, trying to at least be polite. There wasn’t a single person on the streets tonight and he somehow ran into the one and only guy out there. “Can I help you?”

“Not really,” the guy responded, waving. “You just seemed like a nice guy and I was bored until now!”

His enthusiasm was through the roof. Dan figured that maybe he had stumbled away from one of the bars down the road or maybe left a party early. He didn’t seem that drunk, if at all. Dan smiled at him and nodded.

“Where are you headed?” the man asked him in a friendly tone. Dan didn’t know why, but he answered honestly. He figured that if he was getting mugged or killed, it was already too late. This man had his number.

“I’m just going back to the accommodations,” his pace slowed when he realized he wasn’t going to outrun the guy and there was no use being out of breath during the conversation that was inevitable. “I just left a party.”

“How come you’re all by yourself?” he asked, almost sympathetically. Dan suddenly felt slightly offended as if this guy assumed he had no other friends.

“Oh, well my friends weren’t quite ready to leave yet and-”

“Which house do you live in?” he interrupted. Dan stopped his sentence and shook his head, trying to stay on the same page.

“I live in Whitworth Park,” Dan responded, thrown off by the question.

“Oh man! Me too!” the guy laughs and nods. There was a slight silence and the guy looked at Dan. Dan felt his eyes on the side of his face and decided not to respond to his excitement. After all, he didn’t know him. Why should he?

“You know, you shouldn’t go walking around alone this late. What if a _lion_ attacked?” the guy made little claws with his hands and audibly rawred.

“I don’t think there are many lions in the city..” Dan mumbled, very confused now. Was this guy for real?

“You never know! You might say that now, but what if a lion _does_ attack! Then you’ll be sorry you were alone!” the guy walked a little faster, turned around and spoke to Dan while walking backwards. “I mean I guess now you won’t! You’ve got me! I’m a professional lion hunter!”

The black haired stranger lifted his hand to his head and saluted Dan.

“At your service!” he chuckled and swayed back and forth as he walked. Dan looked him up and down. He was wearing a red and blue flannel shirt, a thin black coat and some black jeans. Dan noticed that his hair was slightly similar to his own and he was wearing bright blue converses with white shoelaces. He smiled at the guy and shook his head. They still had a little ways to go and he had no idea what to say. “You don’t say much do you?”

It was like he read his mind. Dan didn’t know what to respond to that either but he figured if he didn’t come up with anything soon, he might get asked more personal questions. He racked his slightly intoxicated brain and blurted the first thing that came to mind.

“What is your major?” the guy looked surprised at the subject change but he nodded and bit his lip.

“I’m English and Linguistics,” he answered turning around and walking alongside of Dan again. “Which sounds awfully dull but I promise, it has it’s advantages.”

“How so?” Dan was grasping at anything he could to make this conversation easier. He didn’t really care but he supposed it was better than silence.

“Oh you know, I’m an ace grammar police,” he flashed Dan a grin and a thumbs up. Did he really just say ace? “What about you?”

“Law,” Dan answered it slowly like he wasn’t quite sure himself.

“Yikes!” the guy looked sympathetic and shook his head. “So you’re one of _those_. You must be really smart!”

Dan shook his head. This guy was hitting some pretty personal topics. He attempted to shake it off.

“Not exactly..” he was being honest. “I’m only a freshman, I’m not really sure if-”

“A freshman!” he interrupted again, looking Dan up and down. Dan furrowed his brow and looked at the other male waiting for his reaction. But there wasn’t one. He just smiled and kept walking. Dan decided not to finish what he was saying and he looked to the floor. “I remember being a freshman! I’m a junior now, so glad I’m almost done!”

Dan looked at the boy and realized that he had to be at least a few years older than him. It added up. His gaze returned to the sidewalk and he nodded along with what the guy was going on about. Something regarding his accommodation and his favorite class that year.

“What do you do for fun, Mr. Lawyer?” he must have noticed that Dan had spaced out because this question didn’t really relate to anything he was saying previously. Dan bit his lip and actually thought for a second.

“I like to play Mario Kart,” he responded sheepishly. He wasn’t really sure that was the coolest of answers, but he couldn’t be bothered to care. He adjusted his fringe a little to cover his embarrassment.

“Are you any good?” the man responded with enthusiasm and Dan was surprised.

“I mean, I guess,” he shrugged a little and gave a half smile. “I don’t have a lot of time to play anymore.”

Dan started thinking again about his Law track and how many sacrifices he’s made to stay in University. He bit his lip and shook his head hoping the thoughts would fall out.

“And other things Law Majors say,” the guy joked. Dan laughed a little and nodded. He wasn’t wrong. “That really sucks, Mate.”

“It’s okay,” Dan started. He didn’t feel it needed to say much else. Luckily they were almost at the building and Dan could already feel his blankets around him. It had been an eventful night and this guy was only stressing him out even more by bringing up these subjects.

“Well when you’re a lawyer, you can play all the Mario Kart you want in your super expensive flat in the city!” the guy seemed optimistic and Dan smiled, appreciating the thought of living the rich life.

“I don’t know..” Dan started. He didn’t want to think about the future that much anyway. Dan looked up from his feet and saw that they were approaching the front door of their building. He was glad this conversation was coming to an end. The other guy skipped ahead and opened the door for him beaming a smile as he did. Dan returned a toothless smile and entered. He headed for the stairwell. He was on the second floor so it wasn’t a big deal. The last thing he wanted was to be trapped in an elevator with this stranger. The guy however, followed him into the stairwell walking up with him and when they reached the second floor, Dan started down the hall to his room. The guy followed. At this point, he was feeling quite paranoid. Dan was awkward and he wasn’t sure how he was going to shake this guy. Dan was sure he would have noticed if they were floor mates. “Do you live on this floor?”

“No, but I figured I’d walk you back as a thank you for keeping me company tonight,” he smiled and gave Dan a single nod and a slight bow.

“Oh, well that’s alright, I can manage,” he said as he realized he was almost to his door anyway. The other guy didn’t look offended and just shrugged. Dan sighed and they approached his door. Pulling out his key, he stood there looking at the tall guy in front of him. With the lighting he could see the bright blue eyes that were staring back at him and his friendly grin. “Well...goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Mr. Lawyer,” he nodded and Dan squinted a little, looking at the other male. He turned around slowly and opened his door a crack, not wanting to somehow invite him inside. He slipped in and waved a little before shutting the door behind him. He didn’t even bother turning on the light in his room as he unbuttoned his shirt. What a strange night. He threw his shirt on the floor near his hamper, discarded his pants and climbed into bed. He exhaled and sank into his sheets. He had never felt more happy to be back in the concrete walls of his room. He turned onto his side and fell asleep almost immediately.


	2. Chapter 2

Mornings had never been Dan’s strong suit. He opened his eyes slowly and felt the beam of sunlight that was streaming into the window and onto his sheets. He closed his eyes again and rolled over to face the wall. He was already dreading the day and it had barely started yet. He looked around for his phone and realized that he must have left it in his pants from the night before. He sighed and decided it was a sign to stand up and take a shower. He slowly rolled out of bed and rubbed his eyes, pushing his hair out of his face while he yawned. Stepping over a couple days worth of clothes he reached his pants and fished his phone out. Dead, as expected. He plugged it in and walked towards the bathroom to shower. One perk of not having a roommate, the bathroom was always free.

Sunday mornings were normally quite relaxing. Nobody generally wanted to hang out because they were busy sleeping in and cramming for Monday exams, but today was different. Dan had his own exam to cram for and he had no idea what he was going to do. There was no way he was going to be able to absorb the information that was on the study guide in time for the exam. As the water fell on him he thought about the upperclassman he met the night before and how he expected Dan to be smart because of his major. He sighed and closed his eyes, pushing his head under the stream above him and pushing the guy from his thoughts.

He stepped out of the shower and went directly to his wardrobe, finding some sweats and a tshirt to wear. He wasn’t going anywhere important today and studying wasn’t going to happen in tight jeans. As he finished pulling his shirt over his head he noticed something peculiar. Underneath the crack of his door was a small folded piece of paper. Dan bent over and picked it up, unfolding it. On the paper was a string of numbers. A phone number. Dan shook his head and almost smiled. The guy from the night before must have slipped it under his door after he fell asleep. What a strange person. He stared at the piece of paper for another moment and then threw it in the bin. He wasn’t sure what the guy was expecting, but Dan wasn’t interested in trying to make any new acquaintances considering his friends were already a bit much. Also, this guy was an English Major in his third year. They were never going to cross paths again. He was sure.

Without thinking too much about it, he walked over to his phone and noticed that he had three missed calls from Louise. He had completely forgot about texting her when he got back, which is generally what she asked him to do in the past. He felt guilty and he called her back.

“Oh there you are, Dear! You nearly gave me a heart attack!” she picked up and Dan could hear her grin from the other side of the phone. He smiled even though she couldn’t see it. It was nice to hear someone’s voice.

“Sorry, I got caught up in something last night,” he tried not to give much away because telling her that he had run into a strange man on the way home could have given her another heart problem.

“Ooooh, Danny! Did you go home with someone?” she was almost joking. He laughed out loud and she giggled.

“Not exactly,” he mumbled into the phone, glancing over at the bin. “I was just tired, I needed to head back early.”

“Well I looked everywhere for you! You should have told me you were ducking out! I could have come with!” she sounded sympathetic.

“I looked for you!” Dan decided he wanted a little more credit. “I couldn’t find you so I let PJ know and told him to tell you.”

“That little _shit_ ,” she said. He heard the smile cross her face. “Alright well as long as you told someone, I guess I cannot be bothered with anger.”

“Where did you go anyways?” Dan was actually curious. He lived through her crazy stories and daring adventures because god knew he wasn’t ballsy enough to do anything himself.

“Oh nowhere, I just snogged that guy Matt from the party,” she was laughing while she said it. Dan chuckled and nodded.

“I knew it!” laughing, he told her about the vibes he was getting and she laughed along, chipper as always. She told him some of the details and he ended that conversation really quick.

“I have to study for my midterm, I’m sorry Louise. Can we talk about this disgusting topic some other time?” he usually would stick around for all of the details, but today he hadn’t the time. She agreed to talk later and they finished their phone call. He put the phone down and flopped back onto his bed. He was less than thrilled about trying to study for his midterm. He grabbed the book and opened it up, staring down at the infinite pages that seemed to lay before him.

After a couple hours of reading the same paragraph over again he sighed and hopped off the bed. It wasn’t going to happen. His test was tomorrow and he knew nothing more than he knew two hours ago. His brain was in pain and he felt overwhelmed. Letting out a sigh he closed his books and glanced at the tv across the room. He walked over and opened the drawer below it. His Wii was in there and not even set up. He thought about the hours of studying he was going to waste reading the same sentence and learning nothing, then thought about how he could just be playing Mario Kart. He really missed it after all. He stood for only a moment before making the decision to connect the Wii. He wasn’t getting anywhere. Oh well. Playing Mario Kart for the rest of the afternoon seemed like the most logical plan.

 

-

 

His test went as well as he expected. He probably knew about four answers total and definitely bombed it. He wasn’t even angry. Professor Burnham didn’t even know who he was anyway and he didn’t really mind during times like these. Dan made his way across campus from his classroom and went back and forth in his head about food. He wasn’t hungry, but he knew if he didn’t eat on his way back from his room then he wouldn’t be bothered to leave and grab something later. He decided that it was probably best he grab something small.

Dan wandered into the school shop and grabbed a box of Maltesers to snack on. That should hold him over, right? As he left the shop he paused, squinting a little towards the courtyard. There, lying in the grass in front of his building, he saw the guy from the night before in a patch of sunlight. He was holding a camera above his head and seemed to be talking to it. Dan watched him for a few moments, unable to look away and cocked his head to the side. He was curious about what he was doing but he wasn’t about to go ask him and start another conversation that might make him uncomfortable. He shoved a couple more Maltesers in his mouth and continued on towards the door of the accommodation building. He kept his face low and gave his best attempt at not getting noticed, which seemed to work as the guy didn’t acknowledge him or call out to get his attention.

When Dan returned to his room, the Maltesers were pretty much gone and he felt satisfied. He opened up his laptop and checked his school email. He almost never got emails so his habit of checking it when he got back from class in the morning was slightly pointless, but he wasn’t that shocked to find an email in his inbox today.

_Dear Daniel Howell,_

_I’m writing to inform that you have failed your midterm and are in danger of failing the course. If you would like, you can retake the midterm for partial credit tomorrow._

_Professor Burnham_

Dan sighed and shut his laptop. So much for not knowing who he was. He looked at the book and closed his eyes. There was so much information he had yet to learn and he had no idea where to start. He opened the drawer in front of him in search of some flashcards but there was nothing. He pondered whether he had ever even bought flashcards. He never used to study for anything really.

Instead of sulking about it he just stood up and shuffled to the door. Flashcards. That was the first step to learning, or at least the first step to pretending to learn.

He reached the school book shop and walked in slowly heading towards the back. He wasn’t even sure where the flashcards were. Looking over the shelves of books and racks of pens he searched for the tiny index cards that might save his arse, but he couldn’t find a single one. He looked down at his phone and was about to give up when while he was walking towards the exit, he ran straight into another human being. Before even being able to apologize for being an idiot he noticed the pair of blue converse with white laces. Dan’s head shot up and his eyes met the man before him.

“Oh shit...I’m sorry,” he definitely looked flustered. The man before him was grinning and if he didn’t look chipper before, he certainly did now.

“Dan!” the guy exclaimed and smiled brightly. Dan’s fake smile faded from his face and he stared at the guy in a slight panic trying to remember if he ever mentioned his name, finally concluding that no, he wouldn’t have told him. Obviously the guy picked up on this and chuckled. “Your name was written on your door, Silly.”

“Oh,” Dan rubbed the back of his neck and looked down again. He had not prepared for this encounter.

“What brings you to the school shop?” he asked with a grin. Dan looked around again and then up at the guy.

“I was looking for flashcards..” he stopped and looked down at the hands of the man in front of him. He was holding a composition notebook in his hands, fidgeting with the corner. “But they don’t seem to have any.”

“You studying for an exam?” the man seemed to be looking around as well and Dan wondered what he was looking for.

“Sorta, yeah,” Dan sighed and decided he’d answer the next question before it was asked to save time. “I’m in this...History of Law class and I can’t seem to-”

“Professor Burnham?” the man lit up and his mouth opened slightly. This time the interruption was welcome because Dan wasn’t really sure where that sentence was going anyway.

“Yeah, actually, you have her?” Dan concluded that everyone must have had this teacher at some point.

“I had her freshman year for the same class. I got put into that class as an elective, imagine that!” the guy shifted a little and looked down at his notebook. “I don’t know how your studying is going, but if you need any help I’d be happy to lend a hand. I did very well in that class.”

Dan’s instinct was to reject him but before he could even consider it, the man spoke again.

“I mean it’s okay if you’ve got it, I’m only offering. I just might still have the textbook too and I left some notes in there, I could-”

“Sure,” Dan’s answer surprised even himself. He thought about it but it really was the only way he was going to get anywhere. He obviously couldn’t do it on his own and he was becoming quite desperate. The guy looked giddy and for the first time since they’ve met, he looked speechless. “My test is tomorrow.”

“Oh!” the speechlessness didn’t last long. “Well, I’m free tonight at 10:00. I know it’s late but if you’re still up for it I could swing by and we can study?”

Dan nodded. He didn’t care. He would be up anyway. As long as he tried something other than what he was already doing because it clearly wasn’t working. He looked at the man and smiled the most thankful smile he could manage. “Thanks.”

“Okay cool! I’ll see you at 10?” he turned on his heels and started to walk away. Dan nodded and started to walk away, then paused. He turned around and caught up to the other guy. He tapped on his shoulder and the guy whipped around with a smile.

“Sorry..erm..” Dan shook his head and looked directly at his chin and neck rather than his eyes. “Sorry if you already told me...but what was your name?”

The guy laughed a little and shook his head. “No, I don’t think I’ve told you. Phil. The name is Phil.”

He stuck his hand out and Dan shook it quickly. Phil turned back around and walked out of sight, leaving Dan standing there dumbfounded with their interaction. Phil? Was this the Phil everyone was talking about at the party? He didn’t seem so bad. He talked rather quickly and always had a dopey grin but there wasn’t anything wrong with him as far as Dan could see. Right?

The walk back to his room was contemplative. Dan was rethinking everything that they talked about and was confused about what he overheard at the party. Phil didn’t seem threatening. He didn’t seem crazy or weird. Yeah, maybe he was a dork but he was harmless and didn’t seem too strange. He only slightly wondered what the guy was doing before 10 and why the studying had to happen so late. It didn’t really matter to Dan anyway, he rarely ever went to bed before 12:00. Besides, it was too late to change the plan now. Phil was going to show up and they were going to study together. Regardless of anyone else’s feelings, Dan needed something out of the ordinary or he wasn’t going to pass this class.

He returned to his room and kicked off his shoes. He noticed the plethora of objects surrounding his feet and sighed. He should probably at least attempt to clean a little. He shoved some clothes in the hamper and organized a few things on his desk. He made his bed and tucked away the various cords and wires associated with his TV and his game system. He sat on his bed and pulled out his phone. No texts. It was still mid afternoon and he had no idea what to do with his time until his study session began. He lied face down into his pillow and let out a sigh before closing his eyes for a short nap.

 

-

 

The knocking on the door awoke him in a panic. He checked his phone and he sat up quickly. It was a little before 10:00 and he had napped for four hours. He jumped out of his made bed and slapped himself on the cheeks a few times before opening the door. Phil stood on the other side with a plastic bag stuffed full of what seemed like random things and a giant grin.

“Are you ready to ace this test!?” he asked with more enthusiasm than Dan could ever locate within himself. He couldn’t help but smile at the image in front of him. Phil was standing in front of his door in pajama pants covered in ninja turtles and a green t-shirt. His grin went from one ear to the other and he cocked his head to the side when he realized Dan was eyeing his pants. “My mum gave them to me for Christmas! They are the most effective study pants!”

“Study pants?” Dan asked him with a raised eyebrow. He had to know how ridiculous he sounded just then. Dan stepped aside and let him into the room, closing the door behind him. He noticed Phil looking around his room, dropping the bag with a thud in the middle of the floor and he walked over to the barren side where his roommate used to dwell. Dan watched him as he touched the naked mattress and smiled.

“You don’t have a roommate. That’s lucky. What happened?” Phil turned and opened the empty wardrobe behind him with curious intent. Dan never understood the appeal in peering into empty closets. What did people expect to be in there other than dust and darkness? Dan pursed his lips and stood watching Phil look around.

“He dropped out the fourth week,” he answered reflecting upon the guy who used to live with him. He barely remembered what he looked like and hardly even thought about the guy. “I think it was a money issue?”

“Well that’s unfortunate. Don’t you ever get lonely?” Phil turned to face Dan and swished his smile to one side of his mouth. Dan looked down and shook his head.

“I don’t get lonely,” he said in short. It wasn’t entirely true, but Phil didn’t need to know that.

“Everybody gets lonely, Dan!” Phil closed his eyes and crossed his arms, leaning against the empty bed. There was something unfamiliar about the way Phil used his name so often. Dan didn’t know how to respond so he just licked his lips and looked down, ignoring the remark altogether.

A moment of silence passed but Phil didn’t seem bothered by it. Dan looked around until his eyes met the bag lying on the ground in the middle. It took a moment, but when Phil noticed him staring, his grin returned and he held his hand out gesturing to the bag.

“I brought some things to help you study!” his enthusiasm was made evident when he hopped over to the supplies and fell cross legged on the floor, gesturing for Dan to join him in the endeavor. Dan watched him for a moment but figured they might as well start. After all, the faster he got to studying, the sooner Phil would leave and he could carry on with his uneventful life. Just the way he liked it. “Okay, so when I took the class the easiest way for me to absorb the information was through flashcards.”

As Dan watched him pull a deck of flashcards out of his bag he frowned. Flashcards? He’s tried that. Then he watched Phil pull out a stack of multicolored cardstock, some fine tip markers, a glue stick, scissors and a box of crayons. Dan bit his lip and saw Phil open the book that seemed covered in sticky notes. He wasn’t lying, the kid was thorough.

“If I’m not wrong, you’re covering Legal Theory right now?” Phil looked up at Dan with calm eyes and a slight smile. Dan nodded and watched his fingers play through the pages and land on the middle chapter. Phil looked through the first pages and read for a moment before saying anything else. Dan watched him wondering how on earth he was going to learn anything from the stranger on his floor. “Okay. So if I remember correctly, this chapter is heavy on the vocab. So the flashcards will be fun!”

Dan held back a remark about Phil’s use of the word fun and watched as Phil picked up a blank notecard. He wrote the term “Case Law” with a colored marker on the front and flipped it over, taking his time to write the theory’s definition on the back. Then he took a piece of card-stock and cut out a few squares of purple and a few squares of yellow. He placed them carefully and strategically under the definition of the word and stuck his tongue out of his mouth as he glued them down. He blew on the card a bit, waving it in the air to dry it a little more, then shoved it towards Dan. Dan looked surprised and swallowed as he took the card. Staring at it, he looked back up at Phil.

“So!” Phil adjusted the position of his knee and foot so that he could lean forward and direct Dan. “The term is on the front, written in purple. And the definition on the back has these little boxes. Case Law theory suggests that laws are established through outcomes of other cases. So the purple boxes are the former cases and the yellow are the new! The purple on the front should help you remember what’s on the back, and during the test you will remember the purple in your head and answer the question more easily!”

He looked really proud of himself and Dan wasn’t really sure how to interpret it. He stared at the card for a moment and flipped it over to look at the boxes glued down and arranged in pattern.

“The act of cutting out and making little colorful reminders helps you remember later on! You can be creative! Drawing pictures sometimes helps, making up a little jingle…” Phil looked down and grabbed a blue pen, fiddling with the cap. “The more colorful and creative the cards are, the more you absorb!”

His hands made a gesture that signaled the action of grabbing the air around him and pulling it towards him. Dan ran his finger over the edge of the card.

“Phil...I’m not very creative,” he muttered and placed the card down on the ground in front of him. Phil frowned.

“That’s not true! It’s easy!” he uncapped the blue pen and handed it to Dan. “Try it!”

Dan grabbed the pen and took out a notecard. He looked at the book where Phil was pointing to a vocab word in the middle of the page. The name Hugo Grotius lied under his finger and he hesitated before writing the name on the card. He glanced at the book as he flipped the card over to determine the definition. He wrote the concept on the back and then stared at the construction paper. He blanked for a moment and glanced at Phil who seemed to be watching patiently. Dan reached out and grabbed a piece of paper, cutting out a square of yellow and a small rectangle of blue, gluing the yellow down first and then the blue on top. He drew a few squiggles on the yellow square until it almost looked like a pen writing on paper. He waited for a moment until he realized that Phil was waiting for him to say something about the card. He spoke softly and with little excitement.

“Hugo Grotius, the original founder of the system of natural law…” he pointed to the little illustration he created with the card-stock. “That’s a little pen and paper to symbolize..”

Dan trailed off but when he finally looked up at Phil, his smile caught Dan off guard. He seemed perfectly content with Dan’s little creation and he nodded.

“Perfect!” Phil almost clapped his hands together but he exercised enough constraint and sat on them instead. He flipped the book page and pointed to another word. Dan didn’t argue and he pulled out one more card to make another. He wrote with an orange pen this time and cut out a little orange plus sign to help him remember the concept of Positive Law. He glued it down and stared at the card for a moment, flipping it over. Phil nodded as Dan reached for another card and a different color pen.

Dan did this for a few minutes, making the cards that corresponded with the vocabulary that Phil pointed to in the book and creating little reminders with the card-stock. But after four more cards he started to get annoyed. He still had so many terms left and each card took four or five times longer than they would if he were just writing them down. He slowed his process and yawned once to have an excuse to stretch. Phil watched him happily and looked over the pages in the book. Dan didn’t really want to sit in silence anymore but he didn’t want to fill the void with more studying, so he decided to speak.

“Why are you helping me?” it sounded more rude than he meant, but he was wondering and couldn’t really think of a better way to ask. He added, “you don’t know me.”

Phil’s laugh was something Dan wasn’t used to and when he chuckled it caught him off guard. Phil was so easy going and didn’t seem as nervous as Dan felt, which in a way comforted him.

“You’re a cool person,” Phil said simply, not breaking eye contact. Dan looked down and shook his head.

“How do you know that?” he asked. “What if I were a serial killer?”

“A _serial killer_?!” Phil cackled a little. “Dan, I don’t think you could hurt a fly!”

Dan didn’t know why but he was offended by this. Dan was tough. He could take someone. Probably.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” he furrowed his brow a bit and glared at Phil. Phil laughed even more.

“I mean that you seem like a nice guy, that’s all,” he must have realized he said something to offend him and backing off was probably the only way he knew to fix it. Dan appreciated it and didn’t question him any further. He didn’t have to, Phil spoke for him. “I owe you a favor anyway.”

Dan racked his brain for a reason for this gesture. Dan hadn’t done anything.

“Why?” his question felt obvious, but Phil seemed like the question was a total surprise.

“The other night I wasn’t feeling that great. Any person that can cheer me up, is a person worth helping!” Phil seemed genuine and the thought made Dan sick. He was only trying to avoid a conflict and somehow he ended up running into the strange guy that everyone talked about. Dan had a few questions about that but he decided to leave those for a later date, or never.

Dan decided that was enough talking for the time being so he reached down and grabbed another card with a sigh. His brain was reluctant to cooperate but it seemed like it was at least worth a try. Phil continued to point to words and every now and then Dan would be confused by a concept and he would make a face, just so Phil could jump in and give him a run down of the idea. Phil really did know what he was talking about and it was specifically helpful when the book was slightly vague. Phil had taken notes in the margin and he even marked down little periwinkle stars where the test questions were found. Phil was patient and quiet when he wasn’t explaining something which helped Dan concentrate and get the work finished. When he was in the middle of cutting out a little church to symbolize the separation of church and state, Phil spoke.

“So why law?”

The question caught Dan off guard completely and his scissors stopped cutting halfway through the spire. He froze and bit his lip. Dan could see Phil in the corner of his eye and he looked expectant and too friendly for his own good. Dan shook his head really slowly, letting his hair fall into his face slightly.

“I don’t know. Do I not look like a lawyer to you?” he gave a smirk and continued cutting, kind of regretting the question. Phil looked unfazed by Dan’s blunt demeanor and he answered honestly.

“No,” his laugh made the answer slightly offensive. Dan ground his teeth a tad and snipped off the last of the uneven roof, gluing it down.

“Well, I am,” he couldn’t think of anything else to say. It was true. Dan had never felt the part of a lawyer, but the idea that he could maybe make money one day was something he figured would please his parents so he had just rolled with the idea since he was young. Phil didn’t reply like Dan expected but Dan was grateful for not having to respond with anything but the sound of his marker, writing another word. Phil watched carefully as he wrote the next definition on the back of the card and he nodded along.

Things would be considered going well, but Dan was getting tired. It was 11:30 and the time was going by so slowly. The flashcards were taking forever and he still had at least half to complete. He hadn’t even started studying them yet and he was running out of time. Phil was watching Dan write and tapping the yellow marker on his knee. Not only was this starting to aggravate Dan, but he wasn't really feeling the effects of the flash cards. Phil was a mysterious person and Dan didn't like to ask or receive personal questions. Part of the reason Dan got on so well with Louise was because she covered the talking aspect of their relationship. Louise didn't spare a single detail and he never had to put the effort in to even ask. Phil talked a lot but he also asked a lot of questions and answering was not something Dan was particularly great at. Regardless, Phil was growing annoying and every tap on his knee, Dan got more frustrated with the constant noises and his overall presence. Dan wasn’t usually the one to speak out, but he had never dealt with this type of situation before. He was trying to push through but it was Phil speaking again that pushed Dan over the edge.

“So have you ever thought about maybe switching your-”

“No.” Dan snapped and looked up at Phil with fire in his eyes. Phil looked shocked but he remained calm and didn’t jump. He maintained eye contact with the brown eyed boy and waited patiently for what followed. “Stop asking me questions about Law and school and everything else! I don’t want to talk about it!”

The silence that fell over the two was just like the silence that filled the room moments before, but this time it felt different. Phil didn’t flinch, but his eyes changed dramatically. They were filled with wonder and curiosity the second prior, but now they looked dark and the light faded rather quickly. He didn’t move however and Dan held his ground by not speaking for a few seconds, keeping the glare on Phil.

“You know what, never mind okay. I need to get to sleep. I appreciate the help but I really don’t think this is working. I’ll never learn this in time,” he said, getting up to his feet. Phil watched him carefully and was clearly getting confused by Dan’s actions. He watched Dan as he slammed the textbook shut as he stood. Phil almost looked hurt, but Dan couldn’t be bothered to care. Why did Phil need to ask so many questions? Why couldn’t he just study like a normal person and quiz Dan over and over until he got it? Why did he have to be so strange? Phil hesitated before grabbing his footing and stood slowly. Dan watched every move, terrified of what he might look like to someone like Phil. Dan didn’t want to be mean but it was becoming clear the Phil wasn’t going to stop asking if he didn’t say something. He could see Phil’s mind racing to find something to say, but in the end he didn’t say anything at all. “Sorry.”

Dan decided that he should apologize but he mumbled it and it wasn’t as sincere sounding as he had wished. Phil looked down at the bag and the supplies spread on the carpet below them. His mouth swished a little and he looked up at Dan.

“S’alright,” he kind of shrugged and pushed a few of the card-stock pieces that had drifted from the area back towards the bag with his foot, his hands digging deep into his pajama pants. “I’ll um...leave some of this stuff here for you if ya want.”

Dan nodded and played with the hem of his shirt with his fingers. He was silently hoping Phil would just leave and without making much conversation, he doubted it would happen on it’s own so Dan said the first thing that came into his head.

“I should be fine, it’s not like I have someone like you in the class to fuck everyone else’s scores up,” Dan said flatly. The man in front of him tensed up a little with the crude language and Dan cringed in response to what he just said. How dare he? Why did he have to be so rude? Phil was only trying to help and now he was offending him. Dan refused eye contact with him and his fingers only moved faster against the fabric of his tshirt. Phil didn’t respond and Dan couldn’t blame him, but somewhere inside he really wanted Phil to respond to him so he knew how he felt. Exactly how much he had hurt him.

After another really prolonged silence, the sigh that left Phil’s mouth was almost worse than any response Dan could have hoped. He didn’t know Phil well enough to know how hurt he may have been, but again, Dan couldn’t be bothered to care. At this point, he was thinking only about the sleep he needed and the studying he didn’t feel like he was going to be able to manage. Phil cleared his throat which interrupted Dan’s train of thought.

“I’ll come get the rest of this stuff tomorrow,” he said sheepishly with a voice break. “Just in case you want to keep making flashcards tonight.”

“Thanks,” Dan said shortly as he walked to the door and turned the knob to let Phil out. Phil nodded and gave a smile that if you had walked in just then would seem very innocent and normal. It made Dan squirm a little knowing that Phil had the capability to mask his obvious pain so well. He felt guilty as Phil walked past him and out of the room.

“Thank you for having me over,” Phil said in the most polite and timid voice that Dan couldn’t believe he could pull off. Dan hesitated before nodding again in response and then he watched Phil walk down the hall through the closing slit of the door.

Dan was immensely frustrated with himself. If this were something anyone he knew had pulled he would have been pissed beyond belief. The attitude he had given Phil left a pit in his stomach. Why did he have to be so distrusting with new people? Why couldn’t he have been nice and explained that he was just tired? Or expressed nicely that he wasn’t interested in talking about school? Dan knew that this was not about Phil or the way that he acted, but more about his personal feelings towards his major. Truth was, Dan didn’t feel comfortable with his own major or track and it only frustrated him more when other people expected him to know things he simply didn’t about himself. Phil was only asking something that may have seemed like a light question. Something you could ask anyone and create small talk. Dan definitely overreacted and felt like shit. He stared down at the mess on his floor and shook his head, grabbing the stack of flashcards. He sighed and went through them, looking at the little drawings and colorful pieces of card-stock stuck to the back of each term. He sat down slowly, grabbed a blank flashcard and uncapped a pen. He might as well finish what he started before he went to bed.


	3. Chapter 3

Dan woke up on his floor to the alarm he had set the day before and he yawned, noticing the pile of flashcards that he had completed before drifting off. Aside from the horrible mess that covered the few feet that was his bedroom floor, he felt good. He sat up, rubbed his eyes and picked up the stack. Rolling through the answers in his head he couldn’t believe how well he was absorbing the information. He had never felt this prepared for a test before, not even tests that he had put days of studying into. The colorful-creative method worked and he smiled when he remembered Phil explaining the concepts patiently to him.

Phil.

It hurt to think about him because not only had he been wrong about the method and how helpful it ended up being, but he had said some unwarranted hurtful things and the pit in his stomach grew. He couldn’t take those words back and Phil had been nothing but nice to him. The first night they met, Phil was overly kind and offered Dan his company. Regardless of how Dan acted, Phil didn’t say one negative thing to him. Suddenly, Dan reflected upon the party a few nights prior and how people were talking about Phil the way they insulted him. After meeting him and talking to him he couldn’t believe that all of those things were true. Phil? Videotaping people and putting it online? It seemed like such a malicious thing to do and Phil wasn’t like that at all. Dan mulled over the names they called him and he only got more aggravated at himself for feeding into the way people picked on him. It’s not that Dan felt that Phil was a dork or whatever, quite the opposite actually, it was that he didn’t stop himself from losing his temper and he ended up treating the guy just like everyone he frowned upon the night of the party.

Dan shook the thoughts out of his head and decided that thinking this way was no good before the test. He cycled through the cards one more time and determined that he was ready to take it. He got on some jeans that were lying on the floor over by the hamper and he changed his shirt to a clean black one. He fixed his fringe and put on his shoes, walking out the door with his stack of cards in his hand and a smile on his face.

 

-

 

The test was a piece of cake. He knew most of the answers and the ones he didn’t, he was pretty sure that through the process of elimination he managed to guess correctly. He apologized for the miserable performance on the first exam to Professor Burnham when he brought up his test and told her that the night before the exam was a rough one, trying to sound as genuine as possible. She was understanding but it wasn’t until she looked down and saw Dan’s hands holding onto and fidgeting with the colorful cards that she seemed to actually care. Doing a slight double take, she smiled up at Dan.

“I had a student two years ago who made cards like that,” she almost sounded nostalgic. Dan smiled and looked down at the cards in his palms. “Phil Lester was his name.”

Even though he knew that she was talking about Phil immediately when she glanced at the cards, Dan was surprised to hear his name and slightly pleased to finally hear the full thing. He felt like maybe he should have asked. Dan didn’t know what to say to the professor but he didn’t think mentioning that Phil helped him would be a good idea considering he was just now getting recognized in the first place. He smiled politely and the professor looked down at the exam.

“I’ll email you with your results Mr. Howell,” she said, dismissing him with a smile. He nodded and walked out before he was bound to mess something up.

He attended the rest of his classes for the day and then headed straight home. When he walked back into his room though, he was confronted with the mess from the night before. He kicked off his shoes and reached down to clean up a little. He picked up all the little scraps of paper that looked like confetti across his floor and threw them in the bin, taking out the trash shortly after. Returning to his room, he gathered the extra paper and other supplies and returned them to the bag for Phil to come pick up later. Placing the book into the bag as well, he placed it on the bed. He pulled the flash cards out of his pocket and stared at the “Case Law” card that Phil made, covered in little purple and yellow boxes. He smiled and opened his drawer, fitting it underneath one of the books he kept within it. The rest of the cards he just placed in the bag to give to Phil. Dan didn’t want them to remind him of the test he just had to take and he hoped that Phil would throw them away for him or at least take them out of his sight.

He hopped up on his bed and grabbed his laptop. He checked his email and opened an email from Professor Burnham. Not only had he passed his test, but she had decided to only deduct one letter grade from the exam and he ended up with a B. Whether that was because his professor liked him or the memory of Phil, Dan didn’t want to know, but a B was a B and that was better than he expected. He smiled and his fingers clicked through the rest of his tabs, responding to a few Facebook messages from his cousin and clicking on a link that brought him to Youtube. He watched the video of a kid biting the dirt after tripping and laughed a little out loud. When the video finished he stared at the screen thinking about the subject that the people at the party were talking about. He decided that it couldn’t hurt to do some investigating. He clicked on the search bar and typed “Manchester University Beer Pong”, hitting search and cursing his university for the slow internet. The page loaded and sure enough, the first link was exactly what he was looking for, with a thumbnail of a few red solo cups, posted on an account called AmazingPhil. Dan smiled and clicked on it.

The video was not at all what Dan expected. It opened with a shot of Phil sitting on the floor against a green and blue bedspread and waving. “Hi guys!” he looked at the camera and made a little heart with his hand. “Today I’m going to tell you a terribly unfortunate story about what happened this weekend at University!” he pointed to the textbooks that piled on the bed behind him and a little stuffed lion that sat on top of them. “Friday, I went out with a few mates and we went to a party that ended up being _crazy_!” he drew out the last word and scooted closer to the camera. He switched to an american accent and the camera cut to him saying “Totally rad, dude.” It cut back to the scene from before and he started again. “So I went over to my mate’s house and it was his birthday! I brought him cake and this really cool little light up dinosaur that roared when you pressed it’s belly!” There was a short cutscene of him roaring really close to the lens. “He really liked the present and I filmed his reaction!” The video switched to a clip of a guy, Phil’s mate, opening a gift and clearly getting excited about it. “I was so happy that he liked it! But then!” The music in the background turned sinister. “My mate told me we were going to a birthday party that night and that I should bring my camera to film it. I told him I would ‘cause it was his birthday, so we go.” He shook his head and made a face. “Bad choice!” he exclaimed and twitched his nose. “We ended up playing a game of beer pong and anyone who knows me knows not to trust me with a sport.” The camera zoomed on his face. “Does beer pong count as a sport?” The lion in the background of his video formed a speech bubble saying “yes” and Phil shrugged. “Turns out, I can’t control my limbs! I managed to knock over all ten cups of beer!” Phil paused and looked at the camera with a sympathetic face. “I felt so bad! Immediately I offered to clean it all up but people were just like..” the camera cut to Phil dressed like a frat boy “No Phil. Get out of my house!” The cut changed back to the original and Phil pouted his lip. “I was so embarrassed! Why can’t my limbs control themselves!” he laughed a little and shook his head. “So I grabbed my camera from my friend and went home.” There was an audio clip of a disappointed aww in the background and Phil sighed visibly. “It was the worst birthday ever!” He perked up a little though and he held up his computer for the camera to see. “But it wasn’t all bad! I got home that night and checked for the footage of my friend opening the gift, and guess what I found?” The lion made another sarcastic remark in the background and Phil continued. “Apparently my mate had been filming the exact moment I knocked everything down! So at least you guys can laugh with me at my terrible coordination.” The clip started playing on the screen and the footage of Phil knocking over the cups was clear and just as disastrous as he explained. Phil played it back in slow motion and zoomed in on his own horrified face. Then the camera cut back to him, pouting once more. “So yeah, that was my weekend. I’m sorry random person’s house. I can’t control my limbs! I hadn’t even had that much to drink!” he came close to the screen and pretended to lick it. “Let me know in the comments if you’ve ever done anything super embarrassing that makes you want to hide away in the dark forever. Thank you for watching, see you next week! Rawr!” His hand reached forward and the video ended.

Dan sat there staring at the screen for a solid minute, trying to process what he just saw. Phil, the guy that was in this goofy video was being blamed for putting _that_ clip on the internet? That was nothing! The clip was only 5 seconds long and the only two people who were featured in the video were Phil and the person standing next to him. Dan was astonished. University kids were known for blowing things out of proportion, but this? This was next level. It seemed to him that people were just trying to find a reason to hate this kid. Phil was a nice guy, he was smart and the video he just watched was funny. Slightly angry at his peers, he scrolled down and clicked on the Youtube channel in the description. Phil’s channel popped up and there were so many more videos. Mostly of Phil just sitting in front of the camera and telling stories. Dan was shocked that this wasn’t something he’d ever seen before. Phil had thousands of subscribers and Dan liked to think he was pretty in tune with the internet. He clicked on another video and watched it.

About an hour later, Dan found himself laughing hysterically at a video called “Staplers are DANGEROUS” and he had found a number of the other videos quite humorous. His laptop notified him that it was about to die so he closed it and plugged it in. He hopped off the bed and stood looking at the bag of stuff he needed to return to Phil. He was trying really hard not to think about the way he treated Phil the night before, but after watching his videos and realizing what a good person Phil was, he felt nothing but guilt. The day wasn’t over yet and he thought that maybe there was a chance he could fix his stupid mistake. He threw on his shoes and left his empty room.

The school shop was barren during the middle of the week. Nobody really went in there unless they needed school supplies or snacks but most people had places to be and things to do on the weekdays. Dan paced through the aisles and walked to the very back of the store where they sold little trinkets and souvenirs from the school. The mascot was a spartan, so there were hundreds of mugs and glasses with their logos on them. Dan rolled his eyes at the hats and the scarves that were covered in the school colors, on sale due to the season. He looked and poked around on the shelves looking for something that he could get Phil as an apology gift. It was a cheesy idea but it was something and he had a feeling that maybe Phil would appreciate the gesture anyway. He felt too terrible to do nothing and it was the least he could do. After all, he did really well on his exam thanks to him.

Dan must have been in the store for a solid half an hour before he finally stumbled upon something that he thought could be a worthy gift. He reached behind a pile of glittery phone cases and grabbed a lanyard. He held it and smiled because he knew this was exactly what he wanted to give Phil. The lanyard was blue and featured little cartoon lions that alternated between roaring and smiling. Dan couldn’t help but smile because he didn’t know Phil that well, but based on his personality and the videos that he had just spent the afternoon watching, Phil would really enjoy it. He brought it up to the counter and bought it, shoving it in his back pocket and returning to his room.

Phil said that he would be over to pick up his things, but Dan didn’t know when so he closed his door behind him and called Louise.

“Dan! What a surprise! How did your exam go?” her chipper voice picked up and it gave Dan a smile. He always forgot that Louise’s attitude always brightened his mood.

“Well, it went okay. I failed the first time, but luckily I got some help,” he suddenly felt slightly embarrassed about the situation, but when Louise started talking, as always, he forgot.

“Well Dan, we all knew you needed it,” she laughed, making a joke as usual before delving into her day. “I’ll have you know that I went to the shop today and got the textbooks I needed. I am now fully supplied and happy.”

Dan smiled and reminisced about the night of the party, triggered by the continuation of the conversation they had that afternoon. He listened to Louise for a half an hour which went by rather fast. She talked about the boy she snogged and how he was a total hottie. Apparently they had planned a date and were actually considering the thought of seeing each other. Dan listened to Louise’s opinions on many things which helped pass the time. He was very good at listening and it was almost comforting to know that she didn’t expect much on his end. It was when Louise brought up her soon-to-be boyfriend again that Dan spoke.

“Hey Louise, serious question,” he said when she was taking a moment to breathe. She sounded surprised that he spoke in the first place but she answered with a noise, asking him to fire away. “You know the other night when Matt was talking about that Professor and his classmate?”

“Yeah, what about it?” she asked, wondering where this was going.

“Do you know the kid they were talking about?” he realized he should clarify after there was a moment of silence. He assumed she was trying her hardest to remember the conversation, considering she was far drunker than he was. “Erm...Phil I mean.”

“Ooooooooh, _Phil_!” she laughed, suddenly remembering the subject of the jokes from the night of the party. “Um…”

“I mean, you know a lot of people in the building and it turns out that he lives in the same one we do. I was just curious if you knew him or knew anyone who was close with him?” At this point, Dan was filling his guilt by trying to find out more about the kid who was in his room only the night before. Her hesitation wasn’t concerning because he figured he would come up empty with this one, however he was hopeful nonetheless.

“I do know a lot of people, don’t I?” she giggled a little and racked her brain. “I do know a mate who lives on the fourth floor who I seem to remember lives across from a Phil. Is it possible he lives up there?”

“Possibly...” Dan trailed off as he scratched the back of his head and lied back against his pillows.

“Why does it matter, Danny?” she asked with genuine curiosity. This must have come from absolutely nowhere and it was probably strange to be hearing Dan, of all people, to be asking questions about another person.

“Oh no reason, I was just wondering, that’s all,” he quickly shut down his questions and his brain returned to the Dan she was more used to. She knew not to prod around in his mind so she dropped it and moved on.

After a short amount of time, she decided she needed to go talk to her roommate Zoe about an outfit for the date later in the week and Dan didn’t feel a need to be a part of _that_ conversation. He hung up the phone and placed it on his side table. Looking at the door for a moment he sighed. He wished that he could apologize to Phil now but there was no way to find out if he was in his room and if he was being honest, he didn’t have the balls to do something like that. His eyes roamed the room and reached the bin that was freshly emptied and he got a sinking feeling. Phil’s number. Phil had been so kind as to leave his number under the door and like some idiot, Dan had thrown it away. He threw his face forward onto his bedspread and groaned. He was beginning to wonder why anyone would want to be friends with someone so stubborn.

As he lied face first in his bedspread he heard his stomach growl. He groaned again. He didn’t want to risk leaving his room again because for all he knew, Phil could come pick up his stuff any minute and Dan didn’t want to miss his opportunity to apologize. The pit in his stomach was too much to keep around. It was only then beginning to get darker outside and his stomach could wait a little longer. Worst case he could snag a crisp from beneath his bed where he kept emergency snacks.

A couple hours passed and Dan sat on the end of his bed playing Mario Kart and listening to Muse, which was only to ease his nerves a tad. He had never felt this nervous before and even if he had, this time it was entirely his own doing. He shouldn’t have lost his temper. His mother would be so disappointed. Whenever he started to feel down, he glanced at the bag in-between games and smiled when he saw the lanyard draping over the side. He really hoped Phil would accept his apology.

Finally, after Dan was beginning to think he really messed up, there was a soft knock on his door. He sprang up from where he was sitting, pausing the game immediately and wobbled to his feet. It made him feel so silly when he straightened his shirt, shoved the lanyard in his back pocket and picked up the bag to bring to the door. He took a deep inhale and opened it.

Standing in front of it was Phil dressed in a blue plaid shirt and jeans, his hands shoved into his pockets. Dan smiled to greet him however Phil seemed a tad discouraged. He smiled but the ray of sunshine that was previously hidden within the smiles of the past wasn’t making an appearance today. Dan couldn’t help but wince with guilt.

“Hey!” Dan tried to sound enthusiastic but he feared that he may have sounded a little fake considering he didn’t do it often enough. He stepped aside and invited Phil in with a gesture. Phil stepped in but he seemed a little uncomfortable when the door shut behind him. Dan looked at the ground and smiled at the blue shoes he seemed to always be staring at. Phil was quiet but he looked at Dan and gave a half smile. After about a half second of silence, he spoke.

“I’m sorry,” he said. Dan was taken aback. Speechless. Phil wasn’t supposed to be apologizing to him. It was Dan’s fault. “I shouldn’t have pushed you. Sometimes I ask a lot of questions ‘cause I get really curious about people and stories and I’m sorry if I offended you with-”

“No Phil, I’m sorry. You were trying to help and I...erm...freaked out,” Dan looked at his feet and swallowed audibly. “Truth is I was waiting for you to come by and grab your stuff so I could apologize. I felt terrible.”

Phil’s face turned up a little and he looked at Dan with more light in his eyes than the moment before. The left corner of his mouth turned up. “Really?”

“Yeah. I passed the test because of you! You really did help me out last night,” Dan admitted sheepishly and shuffled his feet a little. Phil’s grin was contagious and the moment Dan looked up and locked eyes with the older boy, he smiled too.

“Congrats, Dan!” Phil held up a hand for a high five and Dan took it. The whole encounter was strange. Apologizing wasn’t really Dan’s thing and it was different to be doing this dance with someone he didn’t really know that well. At least Phil wasn’t giving him any trouble. Yet.

“You know Dan, I gave you my number. You could have called,” Phil smirked a little and must have been able to watch Dan’s face flush red. Phil saw right through him, obviously, and Dan had no idea what to say. He decided not to make any excuses so he only looked over at the trash can and when he turned back he saw Phil snickering. “It’s okay. I figured you’d throw it out. I should have known, what person actually takes the phone number of a stranger they met on the street?”

Dan smiled a little too and just apologized to the ground as he tried to save face. Phil’s laughter was good to hear though. Dan seemed lost in thought when Phil spoke again.

“So I know I’m standing here because I said I was going to come get my stuff, but really I don’t think I need any of that stuff anymore anyway. You probably need it much more than I do,” he laughed and shoved a hand in his pocket. “You’re welcome to keep it all.”

“Oh,” Dan looked at the bag with a smile and placed it on his desk. “Actually?”

“Yeah, totally,” he smiled with a genuine grin and nodded. “But if I ever need to borrow some crayons....you can’t hold back.”

“Deal,” Dan held out his hand for a handshake and Phil took it. After another moment of silence, Dan’s eyes widened. “OH!”

Phil seemed startled but excited because Dan’s face lit up like a lightbulb. He watched as Dan reached behind him and dug into his back pocket.

“I got you...something,” he said, holding the object behind his back. Phil cocked his head slightly to the side and his fringe fell into his face slightly as he smiled. This was a smile that Dan hadn’t seen on him yet. Phil looked touched and Dan only got more excited. “I felt really bad about last night and since I passed my test I thought it would be kinda appropriate to get you a little thank you gift…”

Dan held out the lanyard and let Phil reach out and grab it slowly. Phil’s eyes lit up.

“What!? Dan!” he brought it up to his face and pressed it against his cheek. “I love it! Lions are my favorite animal!”

“I know,” Dan said, not thinking the reply through. The smile faded quite quickly from Phil’s face and replacing it was skepticism. Dan’s eyes went wide realizing what he had just admitted. Phil wasn’t an easy person to lie to. At least not in Dan’s case. “I um….saw the uh…”

His sentence trailed off and Phil shook his head, looking at the floor. When he lifted his head, a grin went from one end of his face to the other. It made Dan smile and his eyebrows lifted. He didn’t know how to feel about Phil’s reaction. Was he angry? Embarrassed? Happy?

“So you googled me?” Phil’s eyebrow raised and his smirk only grew stronger. Dan’s face settled pink again and he decided there was no winning. Not with Phil. He deserved this though. That’s what he gets for not wanting to ask questions in person. Dan chuckled to ease his embarrassment and he was about to respond when Phil lunged forward to hug him. Dan was startled and a little noise escaped his mouth as Phil embraced him. He wasn’t used to people touching him, especially people he didn’t know very well. Deciding that this was not worth another misunderstanding, Dan lifted his arms and wrapped them around Phil’s back feeling obligated. “Thank you so much for this, Dan. This is the most thoughtful gift anyone’s ever given me.”

Dan was surprised by this, but he wasn’t going to ask anymore questions. When Phil finally let go he glanced over at the bed and the game of Mario Kart paused on the TV, noticing the two empty family size bags of crisps lying on the bedspread. He chuckled.

“How long have you been camping out in here?” he asked sympathetically. Dan smiled at him and checked the time.

“A lot longer than I thought,” he felt very insecure now. He had admitted to more embarrassing things in the past 5 minutes than he had in his entire life. He decided that with Phil it didn’t matter. “I just wanted to make sure I was in here when-”

“You wanna go grab some food? I haven’t eaten yet today and obviously you have been getting your nourishment from those crisps,” Phil smiled and swayed a little on his feet. Dan decided that his stomach was begging to be fed and his nod was a friendly one, accompanied by a slight smile. “Okay cool. Let’s go to that Diner right down the road. They’re open all night and I’m feeling pancakes!”

Dan slipped on his shoes, grabbed a light jacket and they were out the door.

 

-

 

Dan had never particularly felt comfortable with silence, especially when he was with other people, however, being with Phil was different. Not only did the silence feel natural, it felt almost welcome. When it wasn’t quiet though, Dan enjoyed standing next to Phil who, like Louise, could talk for hours about anything and anyone. He didn’t need to say much at all. Phil was different than Louise though. He asked questions which warranted a response. Dan felt the element of surprise almost every time he asked a question, never really getting used to the concept of answering it.

They walked to the Diner side by side and Dan couldn’t help but remember the first night he ran into Phil. Phil had a sway to his step that couldn’t be replicated and it made Dan’s walk look much more pathetic.

After a certain amount of comfortable silence, Dan asked Phil a question.

“So...how did you learn to study like that?” Dan was actually curious. Phil seemed delighted by the question and answered with a thin smile.

“Well, being an English major, I’m required to know lots of definitions. Words, grammar, sentence structures… It’s easier when I make the little pictures and color code things, and it just stuck.” Phil gave a thumbs up and Dan nodded, feeling a little stupid because of how simple of an answer it warranted. Phil didn’t stop there though. He kept going on about his major and what the pros and cons of being an English major really were. Dan noticed how Phil kind of avoided the subject of Dan’s major. There were many times where he would normally ask a question but skip over it this time to spare Dan a mental breakdown. Dan felt slightly guilty about this, considering it was his fault that he exploded in the first place.

They reached the front doors of the Diner and Phil opened the door for Dan, joking with a “Ladies first”.

They sat and looked through the menu in silence. Their booth was bright red and it made Dan’s clothing choice of all black stand out, while Phil’s bright blue tshirt went well with the Diner’s aesthetic. When the waitress came over, the boys watched as she unfolded a pink notepad and reached for a purple pen. The colors in the place were starting to hurt Dan’s eyes. She took their drink orders, winked at Phil and walked away. There was a second where Dan couldn’t actually tell if he was seeing things or not. He was astonished and looked at Phil in disbelief.

“What the hell was that?” Dan looked at the grinning boy across from him.

“A fan I suppose,” he laughed and peeled the corner of the plastic menu in front of him off the table. He glanced at it and Dan watched his finger trace the words until he found pancakes. Phil had been serious after all.

“A fan of your videos?” Dan didn’t quite understand the magnitude of Phil’s fame. Dan didn’t think about how many of those subscribers could be people Dan knew or students at their university. Phil had finished eying the pancake choices and looked up at Dan with his bottom lip in-between his teeth.

“I don’t know,” he shrugged and his low chuckle followed. “I do come here a lot for pancakes. Maybe she knows me from that.”

Dan couldn’t think of a response and he looked down at the menu, changing the subject.

“If you’ve been here before for pancakes, which ones are the best?” he scanned the flavor options and was surprised to find as many as they were. Plus, they weren’t just regular pancakes, they were American pancakes.

“Blueberry, hands down. They are _life changing_ ,” he responded as his eyes traveled to the waitress. She walked over with the waters and Phil ordered his blueberry pancakes with extra syrup. When the waitress turned her head to Dan, he opened his mouth to speak but Phil’s voice filled the air before a sound traveled out. “He’ll have the same.”

Dan closed his mouth and nodded so the waitress knew to take the order seriously. She collected the menus but seemed to only smile at Phil as she walked away. Dan wasn’t surprised. He was generally ignored and when he wasn’t, he was treated pretty poorly. Maybe it was his face. Phil’s was as bright as the sunshine compared to Dan’s dull and neutral features.

“Youtube is just something I like to do when I’m bored,” Phil brought the subject back up and Dan was slightly glad because he wasn’t going to be able to carry a conversation about pancakes for much longer. “I started it one day because I was tired of trying to find people to listen to my stories. I like to talk and the internet seemed to be the audience I was looking for.”

As he listened, Dan glanced around the Diner. He knew the diner had been down the road the whole time he had attended Manchester University but he was kicking himself for not going before tonight. The old fashion feel was comforting and there had been many nights he was unable to sleep and could use the midnight fuel.

“I figured that if I made videos for long enough I could document my experiences and stories. Kind of like an online visual record,” he played with the paper that had shed from his straw. “One day I checked my views and they had skyrocketed. I guess one of my videos was funny and someone passed it along. I started getting comments from people about my channel and how much they were looking forward to my next story. Ever since then, I have been making a few videos a week. It’s kind of fun.”

Dan watched Phil as he spoke. As he was explaining the origin of his channel, Dan found himself revisiting the videos in his head. Phil clearly had a passion for it and hearing him talk about his desire to tell stories only made the passion more true. Dan felt the smallest bit of envy pass through his mind, thinking about how many times he had wanted to be heard and hadn’t got the chance to speak. He shut that thought down immediately though remembering his prickly moods and often aggravating personality. No wonder people didn’t peg him as the _opening up_ type.

“Reading comments is sometimes fun too. Most are good, some are bad. But I don’t mind. I often think I need them to keep my head a normal size,” he chuckled and wrung his hands together to rid them of the condensation from the glass he was just holding. Dan watched as his hands moved the skin around. “Have you ever felt like you’ve found your people? Like you know exactly where you belong?”

Dan was caught off guard by the question. Not only had he never felt this way, he didn’t even know how to answer without sounding quite pathetic. He didn’t want Phil’s expecting eyes on his silence for long however and decided that sounding pathetic was the lesser of two evils.

“No,” he hung his head and looked into his lap. “I don’t really know what you mean.”

His instinct told him to stop there, but the silence that fell over the booth pushed him to continue.

“I don’t really... _talk_ to people. I listen pretty good,” he smiled up at Phil to assure him this wasn’t heading in a dark place. The last thing he wanted was to be treated like a mood-swing ridden teen. “I have this one friend Louise who is pretty cool, but I keep mostly to myself. I think it’s probably best that way.”

Phil’s smile was encouraging and it wasn’t full of pity as Dan expected. This made him feel much better and he leaned back a little more, smoothing out the wrinkles that had formed across his chest in the tshirt. The silence wasn’t even awkward but Dan kept talking to fill it.

“I don’t think I have much of a story to tell. I grew up in a normal family, with normal friends. I embarrassed the crap out of myself in middle school and was pretty cringy the rest of my life, but I try not to remember that part,” his chuckle melded with Phil’s and Dan’s eyes met the older boy’s across the table. “Not many people hang around me. If you couldn’t tell, I shut people out.”

Phil’s lip biting was a sad excuse to hide a laugh. Dan could tell from the way he was being looked at, Phil was agreeing with him in the least insulting way possible. Dan nodded and his cheeks flushed slightly.

“Okay, right, obviously I’m not the friendliest person around, but I must be more entertaining than other people. I mean, you’re here with me, aren’t you?” Phil’s grin only grew and he raised his eyebrow. Only then did Dan realize that not only was he trying to gain a few personality points for himself, he had flat out proven that he thought Phil was a cool guy...to his face. Dan looked down again after Phil said nothing. “Whatever, okay? At least I’m trying.”

This apparently seemed like the perfect time for the waitress to drop pancakes on the table. Dan jumped at the sound of the plate hitting the wood surface and even the waitress seemed to notice his surprise. She gave him a pathetic glance and then turned her gaze to Phil who thanked her kindly. Dan swore that she curtsied before she walked away but maybe it was just his bitter mind playing tricks.

“These pancakes better be good, Phil Lester. I trusted you. If they aren’t the best bloody blueberry pancakes I’ve ever had, I’ll make sure you never get to have them again,” Dan picked up his fork and knife and looked up to see Phil’s blue eyes piercing into him. Dan shook his head and dropped the utensils. “What?”

“Why do you do that?” he asked.

“Do what?”

“Well you get all soft and then you have to follow it with a threat?” his laughter was smooth and slow like the syrup he watched Phil pour onto his pancakes. Dan didn’t know the answer to that question. Why _did_ he do that? Phil shoved a forkful of pancake into his mouth and concentrated on cutting the next piece. He didn’t seem so concerned with Dan’s answer and it seemed he had already forgot the question. Deciding he’d drop it, he took his first bite.

“Oh,” he froze as the flavors spread over his tongue. These kind of pancakes were hard to come by in England, but _these_ pancakes were unlike any others he’d tasted. They were perfect and Dan’s face was frozen with delight. Phil nodded as he watched Dan take another slow bite.

“Looks like I can keep coming here for pancakes, yeah?” Phil boasted.

“Fine,” Dan swallowed. “You’re right. These are some damn good pancakes.”

“I had a pancake in Florida once,” Phil talked, his cheek stuffed with caky mush. “It was as big as my head!”

“Did you finish it?” Dan managed to ask after swallowing quite the mouthful.

“Yeah, but my stomach didn’t appreciate it that much. I ended up getting sick on the ride back from the restaurant,” Phil looked sad but it didn’t stop him from shoveling the now soggy pancake pieces into his mouth. Dan couldn’t help but laugh at the sight of him.

“Was it worth it?”

“I think so. Best pancake I’ve ever had. Better than these ones,” he pointed to his almost empty plate. Dan looked at his own plate which still held quite a bit of food. Dan shoved another forkful into his mouth, trying to absorb the taste from this bite longer than he had the last. “Do you like being alone?”

Dan’s chewing stopped. Here he was, thinking that they were talking about pancakes. Why did Phil have to go and change the topic again.

“I’m sorry?”

“Well the other day you told me you didn’t mind living alone, and now you’re telling me you only have one friend, so I’m just wondering, do you like being alone?” Phil’s question was personal but the way he asked it was surprisingly casual. It was either that or the euphoria from the pancakes, but he actually answeredhonestly and fully.

“Truthfully? No. I like people. I don’t like silence. But I’m used to it. I’d rather the silence than trying to make friends and humiliating myself,” he used a napkin to wipe the syrup off his lips, pushing the plate away from him. It was unlikely he would be able to finish the last couple bites, suddenly not feeling as hungry. He thought about what Phil had said a few minutes before. “I guess I just haven’t found the right people yet.”

“Who are the ‘right people’ for you, Dan?”

“I don’t know,” the silence that filled the space between them was long but Dan used it to think over the question. He had never really asked himself that before. “How do you know when you meet the ‘right people’?”

“I suppose you just know. With Youtube, I just sort of stumbled upon them,” his slight smile reminded him of the passion Phil exhibited when he talked about his fans and how supportive they were. “Your people make you feel like you belong, you know?”

Dan looked up at Phil as he used his fork to scrape the liquid sugar off the bottom of his plate. His hair falling slightly in his face, his nose twitching a little as he guided the fork to his mouth and licked it off. Dan’s eyes narrowed and a light went on in his brain. Not only did he know the answer to the question Phil had asked, but he was now fully aware of it. How did it take this long to accept it? Dan knew his brain was stubborn but he didn’t think it was oblivious. His eyes met Phil’s and the right side of his mouth turned up, creating a dimple with his cheek.

“I think,” he started, speaking slowly and maintaining eye contact longer than he ever had with the raven haired boy sitting across from him. “..my people are people who tell stories. And who like pancakes. And who help me pass a test even though I’m basically a lost cause..”

Phil’s movements stopped and the smile fell from his face. Dan kept going, knowing that if he didn’t finish then, he never would.

“My people are the people who come back after I say nasty things to them because I’m frustrated and tired. My people are the ones who actually ask me questions and not let me get away with running..” Dan trailed off and he looked down into his lap again. Phil’s face was not as reciprocating as he had hoped. That scared him and he stopped his train of thought there because he didn’t feel like making a fool of himself yet again.

Dan must have said something right because after a moment of silence Phil reached his arm across the table and placed it on Dan’s bicep. Dan’s eyes widened a tad and he looked at Phil whose face was wearing a totally different emotion than it was the moment before.

“Dan,” he cocked his head to the side and looked at the boy for a long moment. Dan couldn't believe it, but for the first time since he had met Phil, Phil didn’t know what to say. He didn’t even look like he was trying. His arm dropped from Dan’s and Dan let out a sigh of relief. Touching wasn’t really necessary, he thought. But neither was the silence. Dan wished that Phil would say something else before his face changed an entirely new shade of red.

As if the universe had answered his prayers, the waitress arrived once more and dropped the check mumbling something along the lines of “no rush”, but Dan felt the pressure to get a move on. He reached for his wallet but Phil was too fast. He snagged the check and stuffed his card in it, simultaneously calling over the waitress before she made it four feet from the table. Before Dan could even protest, the checkbook was floating away and he hadn’t even been able to offer his help with the bill. Dan turned to Phil with a horrified expression.

“Pancakes are on you next time,” Phil winked and he picked his fork back up, reaching over and stabbing the soggy cake pieces off of Dan’s plate. Filling his mouth, once again his face resinated joy. Pancakes were definitely his weakness. Dan made sure to take a mental note. He took a deep breath and relaxed a bit. Phil had mentioned a ‘next time’ so he knew that he wasn’t hated. Plus, it was beginning to seem like a theme with Phil. Bringing up a topic, getting deep and then moving forward. Dan couldn’t say he minded, it was just going to take him a bit to get used to. Plus, he had said a few too many sappy things for the night. He didn’t need any more open opportunities for that.

As Phil signed the check and they left the diner, the waitress stopped the other boy before he reached the door. Dan had already walked out and it took him a moment to realize that Phil wasn’t right behind him. He watched the conversation through the glass of the double doors as the waitress blushed and curled her hair for Phil. Her feet shuffled against the tile as she spoke and Phil responded with looks of sympathy and kindness. He touched her arm the same way he touched Dan’s earlier and gave her a half smile. He said something short, waved goodbye and then turned to exit the restaurant. He had a goofy grin on his face and a smug look that suggested that Dan was never going to hear the end of it.

Phil trotted a little to reach Dan’s side.

“So was it a fan or did she know you as the pancake guy?” Dan joked and Phil shook his head.

“Actually, neither, she just thought I was cute and asked me out,” Dan’s eyebrows raised as he looked at the tall man beside him with his hands in his pockets and a slight slouch. His hair was almost perfect, still, as if he had just combed it. Phil’s eyes were bright enough that even under the night sky, they stuck out like the sun. He turned back to the ground and shook his head.

“So what did you say?” if it had been Dan that was asked, he would have accepted. Girls didn’t come _that_ easy. Not for a guy like Dan.

“Oh, I told her I was gay,” Phil stated with a shrug. Dan almost chocked on the air he had so foolishly inhaled the second before. He coughed a little and a smile flashed across Phil’s face. It must have been the reaction he was looking for because he remained silent to let Dan take it in.

Dan didn’t quite know how to respond. Can you ask a person if they are gay? Was that acceptable at this level of friendship? What if he was just joking? Then the question would seem stupid. Dan cleared his throat and decided to stop worrying.

“Well are you?”

“I don’t know. Maybe,” Phil shrugged again. _Maybe?_ Who was this guy? How could someone be so indefinite towards their sexuality? Dan didn’t care either way, but he had known he was straight for a long time. He couldn’t even think about a time he thought about dating a guy. Then again, his high school was full of pricks that bullied guys like him. Maybe he just hadn’t seen the appeal.

There was a comfortable silence as the two boys walked back to their accommodation building. The nightfall had made it a little cold and Dan was glad he had brought along a jacket this time. He felt the need to cross his arms anyway though. Phil let his arms fall to his side as he swayed next to Dan. Every once in a while his hand would hit Dan’s side and he would jump at the contact. Phil didn’t keep his distance like most people did. He didn’t seem so concerned about a personal bubble.

Dan didn’t even notice that they reached campus. He was far too into his train of thought. It seemed that Phil was also lost in his own mind so he felt a little less guilty about spacing out. He was reflecting upon the party he had attended and the conversations he had witnessed. Phil’s personality was unlike any other person’s he’d met before. He wasn’t concerned about other people the way university students generally were. He kept to himself unless he was curious about something and then he just went for it. The confidence level was probably what threw people off about him. If he was being honest, it was a little off-putting at first. Phil made up for it with his kind smile and gentle eyes. The man wasn’t threatening at all and if he knew he had hurt you, he would do anything to fix it. He thought long and hard about why the people at the party were saying those nasty things about him. Could Phil have wronged them somehow? In a manner that Dan hadn’t picked up on yet? Dan took a page from Phil’s book.

“Why does everyone hate you?” it sounded much more blunt than it did in his head but he turned to Phil and watched as his face scrunched up and his eyebrows raised.

“Howell, do you know something I don’t?” he asked with a chuckle. He turned to the younger boy and waited for an explanation. Dan supposed that he could have been more clear.

“I went to this party the other night. You know, the one that I was walking home from?” Dan started, Phil nodding in response. “I overheard some people talking about you. Granted, I didn’t meet you until after the party, not to mention I didn’t even know it was you I met until the day after.” Dan looked to Phil. “I swear I heard your name more that night than I’ve heard my own in a lifetime. People don’t like you. What did you do to deserve that?”

Dan realized that it sounded harsh but Phil’s extremely loud laugh reassured him that it was taken the right way.

“I don’t mean-”

“I know what you mean,” Phil shook his head with the grin remaining spread across his face. “I know people aren’t fond of me.”

“But what did you do?” Dan asked, he was more than curious now. He was determined to find out what was going on with their peers.

“Nothing! People are just jealous!” Phil tossed his head back for comedic effect. This was the first time Dan had seen the man get defensive in the slightest. It was comical at best.

“They were saying that you were a smartass and that you ruined their exam scores in class,” Dan laughed as he relayed the conversation over to Phil, hoping he didn’t pick up on the fact that he referenced this comment when insulting him the night before.

“Or maybe they were all just dumbasses!” Phil wasn’t really the swearing type, so Dan was taken aback by the harshness of his vocabulary. “I can’t help that I’m a studious fella!”

“They also think that you videotaped them on purpose,” Dan said while he grimaced. “That’s why I looked you up, ya know. Because I was curious if you were actually a jackass. Then I stumbled upon your videos and I couldn’t believe it.”

“Well at least I’ve proved to you that I’m not a jackass,” Phil said softer and with a more genuine voice. For a moment Dan felt guilty all over again for treating Phil the way that he had before the test. Phil didn’t deserve the hate he was getting and Dan now understood why Phil needed his internet supporters to keep him as optimistic as he was. University students were brutal and they were surrounded by the same guys that picked on Dan in high school. Dan understood that all too well. His people hadn’t existed back then.

“That’s why you gotta stick with your people,” Dan gave a cheesy grin and Phil reflected it with his own.

As they reached their building, Phil followed Dan up the stairs like the night before and they stopped in front of his room. Phil smiled down at Dan for a half a second and then outstretched his arms for a hug. Dan still wasn’t used to the physical contact but it wasn’t worth the fight of shooting it down. He wrapped his arms around Phil and hugged him, deciding that it could be worse.

They broke from their hug and Phil pulled out his phone to check the time. Dan saw the phone in his hand and his stomach turned.

“Hey,” he reached out and snatched the phone from Phil. he flipped it open and typed in the ten digits of his number and handed it back. “I’m sorry I threw yours away. You can delete it if you want, you know, to make it even.”

Phil nodded and they said their goodnights. Dan slid into his room and closed the door behind him. He stripped and climbed into his bed. As he wriggled around in his sheets trying to get comfortable, he remembered how warm that hug was and how he kind of enjoyed it. As he closed his eyes, ready to end the night, his phone vibrated beside him. His arm snatched out and he opened the phone, checking the message. The light almost blinding him.

_Phil: Rawr! Had a good time tonight! What are you doing tomorrow? XD_

Reading the message in Phil’s voice in his head, he smiled. Images of the boy scarfing down the pancakes in front of him flashed in his mind. He sighed and responded.

_Dan: Nothing. And thanks for the Pancakes._

_Phil: I’ll come get you after class! I have something to show you! :)_

Dan could have responded but he knew that Phil was going to show up anyway so he dropped the phone and turned over to face the wall.

Maybe Phil was onto something. Those were some pretty life changing pancakes.


	4. Chapter 4

Dan’s classes went by rather quickly. He was trying his hardest not to think about Phil and his mysterious texts. Knowing that it would only make the waiting worse, he tried to focus on his lectures, attempting to absorb something. This proved relatively easy as the subjects happened to be less complicated than most days. Even Professor Burnham was being particularly kind to her students that day, and for that he was grateful.

The walk back was fast and as he entered his room he could already feel the excitement creeping up inside. He felt slightly disgusted with himself. Why was he getting so excited? He didn’t even know what it was that Phil wanted to show him. Getting all worked up about it didn’t make a lot of sense. Dan leaned against his bed and closed his eyes for a moment. He thought about how pathetic it was that Phil, a guy that he ran into only days before, was the first friend he’d made in college to ask him to hang out a day in advance. Sure, Louise would often walk in and tell him that they were doing something, but rarely ahead of time. He’s planned study sessions with people he didn’t know very well, but that didn’t count. Nothing so far had made him feel this way. Excited and genuinely happy to have plans.

His train of thought was interrupted by the knock at the door. He jumped a bit and was surprised by the noise that came out of his mouth. Did he really just squeal? He walked to the door and opened it, glad to see Phil standing there with a big grin on his face. He had his backpack swung over one shoulder and Dan assumed he had come straight from class.

Phil didn’t even wait for the door to open all the way. He walked right into the room and dropped his backpack on the floor in the center of the room, hopping onto Dan’s bed and laying down with his arms under is head. Dan was left to close the door slowly and he stood there analyzing the boy who had closed his eyes on his pillow.

“What are you looking at?” Phil said with his eyes still closed. Dan turned his head away and looked to the floor. He seemed to see Dan’s every movement without having to open his lids.

“Nothing, how are you?” he asked, diverting the attention. He really just wanted to hear Phil talk for a while.

“Good!” he sighed slowly and seemed to fall back further into Dan’s mattress with a smile. “My class got out early _and_ I saved a caterpillar from certain death today!”

Dan walked over to the bed where Phil was and grabbed his phone from the side table. He checked the time. The afternoon was only just beginning and he was anxious to get started, not that he was going to say that out loud. There was a silence as Dan heard Phil inhale and exhale deeply a few times. Dan hoped Phil would say something first and luckily, Phil read his mind.

“Your bed smells like you do,” Phil said on his fourth exhale. Dan nervously chuckled.

“Yeah?” what a strange thing to say. He found himself hoping he didn’t smell terribly.

“Have you ever seen a Hayao Miyazaki movie?” Phil sat up suddenly and Dan’s thought left his head immediately, being confronted with Phil’s eyes on his own. Dan shook his head and watched as the smile on Phil’s face grew. That’s most likely the answer he was expecting. “Good! Come with me!”

Phil hopped out of the bed and leapt for the door. Before Dan could even register what was happening, he grabbed Phil’s surprisingly light backpack and followed the skipping boy down the hall. Dan had no idea where they were headed, but he followed anyway, too distracted by the speed at which Phil was walking. Dan had long legs but he wasn’t used to having to apply them.

They reached the stairwell and Phil climbed two flights with Dan close behind him. Dan thought about the conversation that he had with Louise the other day over the phone about the fourth floor as he was arriving. He understood now. Phil was taking him to his room.

Phil stopped in front of a door halfway down the hallway. He dug into his back pocket and pulled out the lion lanyard that Dan had given him, which now held his keys and his student ID. Dan couldn’t help but smile as he unlocked the door, happy that the gift was being put to use.

“Shoes off please!” Phil chirped at Dan as he slid off his own. Dan looked down to kick his off when he noticed Phil’s mismatched socks. One was orange with little foxes on it and the other was blue with whales. Dan pointed.

“I like your socks,” he said quietly. He then looked up at the room he was standing in. It was incredible. Phil had a single room like most upperclassmen had and it was adorable. The tiny room was composed of a desk that wrapped around most of the wall and a bed. The duvet on the bed was green and blue and there were stuffed animals everywhere. Phil must have had at least ten pillows, maybe more. There wasn’t much walking room but when Phil collapsed onto the bed in front of Dan, there was room for him to enter. He instinctively walked over to the window, as he did in most rooms he hadn’t been in before and looked outside. The view was amazing. Phil was on a higher floor than Dan so he could see more of the campus. Dan turned back around and saw Phil fidgeting with his laptop.

“Okay, so we’re gonna watch Howl’s Moving Castle,” Phil said as he plugged in a little speaker. “But fiiiirst...”

He threw the laptop on the desk and got up, moving all the pillows off his bed and onto the floor. He walked over to the closet and pulled out a white fluffy blanket and threw it to Dan, who just barely caught it. He stripped the duvet from his unmade bed and tucked it into the crack next to the wall, then tucked the other side into the desk drawers creating a little cave in-between the two furnitures. Phil stood back with his hands on his hips admiring the work he had just done. Not even bothering to turn on the lights in the room, he picked up the laptop and crawled into the den, turning to face Dan who was staring at the boy with wonder.

“Oh Dan, don’t tell me you’ve never built a pillow fort before! Come on then,” he said, patting the small patch of carpet that lay empty beside him. There were infinite pillows that created a nest of sorts for them lounge upon. Dan bent down slowly and crawled into the tiny space. It looked small from the outside but was even more cramped on the inside after adding two young adults. Dan would be lying if he said it bothered him though, it was oddly comfortable and would definitely add to the movie watching experience. He felt like a little kid again, making forts and crawling into tight spaces. “This is one of my favorite movies.”

Dan watched the older boy as he placed the laptop onto a stack of two pillows in front of them, pulling up the movie and making it fullscreen. The dimly lit room and the blanket fort made the tiny atmosphere like a cinema and Dan lied his head back against the pillows, ready to experience the film.

 

-

 

The movie ended and Dan couldn’t help but smile slightly before the credits rolled. He was very conscious of the fact that Phil was watching his reaction to the film which made it hard to concentrate on the film itself. It was obvious that he enjoyed it and he glanced at the clock when the movie was over. There was no way it had been two hours. Phil crawled out of the tent and grabbed a bag of chips, sensing that Dan was getting hungry. Dan grabbed the bag as Phil handed it to him and settled into his spot once more. He had scooted slightly closer to Dan in the process, but he didn’t mind because he was a little cold anyway. The body heat was a bonus.

“You wanna watch another one?” Phil turned to him and smiled.

“Another one?”

“Yeah! We’ve got all afternoon, right?” Phil pulled the blanket over the two of them and swayed back and forth, waiting for an answer. “Unless you have like...homework to do.”

“Pssh,” Dan tossed his hand through the air and thought about it realistically. He had never spent a whole day watching movies with another person before. And what was he going to do if he didn’t stay? Nothing. This was clearly the better option. Plus, if the next movie was as good as this one turned out to be, it would be time well spent. “Let’s do it! What’s next??”

Phil’s grin grew wide as he opened his folder of movies. They decided to go with another Hayao Miyazaki film, Phil returning the computer to the makeshift stand and pressing play. This time, the boys’ arms were much closer together. Dan couldn’t help but think about how this was the closest he’d ever sat next to a boy, other than his own brother of course. Why should it bother him though? It’s not like Phil had cooties. They weren’t in primary school after all.

After that movie was over, the time was checked and no words were spoken. Phil barely moved as he reached over and selected the next one. Dan didn’t stop him as he clicked play and settled down against the pillows once more. Dan was getting a little tired. Sitting in the dark and munching on the chips that Phil so graciously offered him made him feel drowsy. The movie began and his eyes started to flutter. There was no way he was going to make it through another film, but he wasn’t ready to leave. As hard as he tried to stay awake for Phil, he leaned back a little further and the beautiful world of Studio Ghibli lulled him to sleep.

 

-

 

As he regained consciousness he noticed four things. One, he wasn’t in his bed. Two, he was still at Phil’s. Three, the movie had stopped playing and the screen was frozen on a thumbnail of Totoro. And four, his head was lying on the other boy’s shoulder. Startled by this, he lifted his head quickly and noticed that the boy beside him was deep in his own sleep. Dan only gazed for one more second before he threw the blanket off of himself and slid out of the little fort. He looked outside at the dark sky and then pulled his phone from his back pocket, standing. It was a little after 2:00am and Dan rubbed his eyes as he regained his balance. He walked over to his shoes and put them on quietly, attempting not to wake Phil. Like with a lot of things recently, he was unsuccessful. Phil’s yawn was loud and Dan jumped, not expecting the ferocious noise. Phil chuckled a little when he saw the younger boy putting on his shoes.

“Leaving already?” he asked bemusedly. Dan gave Phil a little glare but he doubted that he could see it through the dark.

“It’s two AM, Phil!” he bent down to tie his left shoe.

“And?” Phil laughed and crawled out of the fort, starting to deconstruct it.

“And we have class tomorrow!” Dan moved to his right foot.

“Whatever man, you were the one who fell asleep first,” Phil flopped belly down on top of his bed and half wrapped himself in his blanket.

“Why didn’t you wake me?” Dan looked up at Phil who had closed his eyes himself.

“You looked so peaceful,” Phil responded quietly and with a half teasing tone.

“I could have been _peaceful_ in my own bed,” Dan smiled and shook his head again.

“Mmhhmm,” Phil’s face had gone lax and he was clearly about to pass out again. Dan walked over and covered his friend with the rest of the blanket and smiled.

“Goodnight, Phil. Thanks for the movies,” Dan’s eyes were heavy and he wondered down the empty and quiet hall to the stairwell. His footsteps echoed as he trotted down the steps to the second floor. His room felt large compared to the smallness of Phil’s. He stripped almost immediately as he shut his door, climbing into bed and setting his alarm for the next morning.

 

-

 

These events become routine. Dan goes to class in the morning, waits for Phil to finish his day and then Phil shows up at his door proposing a plan. Sometimes there wasn’t a plan. Sometimes they’d just sit around playing a few rounds of Mario Kart. Other times they’d go out to the Diner or Starbucks. Most of the time it didn’t matter. Dan enjoyed Phil’s company much more than being alone and Phil obviously found Dan fascinating. Phil would ask him questions about his past that Dan was less than thrilled to answer, yet he would answer anyway because it meant that Phil would tell Dan a story of _his_ past which was far more interesting and totally worth it. Some days there was no talking. They would get together and do homework or browse the internet on separate laptops.

Dan learned a lot about his new friend during this time. He discovered that not only did they have a lot more in common then he had originally thought, Phil’s taste in music was almost a carbon copy of Dan’s. They had extensive discussions about which Muse album was better and how they were objectively the best band. Dan found out that Phil liked a lot of the same movies and shows. Phil had introduced him to some new shows like Buffy the Vampire Slayer and some animes like Death Note and Kuroshitsuji. Phil always watched Dan as he discovered these new things, seeking his approval, possibly fearing the rejection. However, this was never a problem because they seemed to have the same taste. Books, music, food, you name it, they shared it. When they didn’t share some aspect of their personality, their opinion or taste seemed to sync with the other’s; such as Phil’s outgoing nature and Dan’s reserved one. It was almost as if they were built to become best friends. All the while, Dan still managed to be surprised by everything Phil did, regardless of how similar their minds were, and Phil remained intrigued by Dan’s personality. All of this got Dan wondering how he hadn’t met this strange boy before.

Phil still uploaded a video every week and Dan found it comical to watch the videos while Phil was in the room. Phil would throw things at him telling him to wait until later. Dan still thought the videos were hilarious, even more so now that he knew Phil and his personality traits. Watching the video when he was in the same room was even funnier.

Of course Phil had his own way of getting back at Dan. Sometimes Phil would turn on the camera and film Dan doing something mundane or stupid, then threaten to upload it. Phil told him he could be “internet famous” and that it could be the “start of a new career”. Dan just rolled his eyes and ignored his friend.

“What if I _did_ become famous? What if I became more famous than _you_!?” Dan shot back as they ate at their dining hall one Friday. Phil had just recorded Dan taking a large bite of mashed potatoes and he looked specifically unattractive. Phil almost choked on his food, definitely not expecting the rebuttal from Dan.

“Well if you did, I’d have to kill you,” he smirked. “There can only be one.”

“Is that so?” Dan didn’t really care, he was only interested in picking on his friend as usual, but Phil was looking at him funny this time. Almost as if he was pondering the thought of his demise. “Woah man, don’t worry. I’m not gonna take your spot as king, okay?”

Dan stuck his hands up as if he were getting arrested and chuckled. Phil’s face lightened up as well but his glare remained.

“I wouldn’t mind the competition,” Phil smiled honestly yet daringly and took a sip of his lemonade. “What if we made a video together?”

“Phil,” Dan shook his head. “You know that’s not a good idea.”

“Why not?” Phil dropped his fork and almost looked offended.

“Nobody wants to see me in front of the camera. That’s your specialty,” he said. And honestly, he wasn’t lying. Dan didn’t have anything to bring to the lens. He was just some guy that was friends with another guy. Phil was funny, creative and a hell of a lot more peppy than Dan. The internet really didn’t need another boy with an emo haircut.

“But what if they did?” Phil was now one-hundred percent serious. This was no longer a running joke. Phil was actually asking him. “Would you want to do a video with me?”

“I don’t know Phil...” Dan pushed his food around on his plate. “What would the video be about?”

“We could just answer a bunch of questions or something?” Phil smiled innocently and Dan sighed. How was he going to say no to Phil when he made such convincing puppy dog eyes? “People keep asking me in the comments who this _mysterious friend Dan_ is. You come up a lot. It might be fun, don’t you think?”

“When?” Dan’s question of timing made Phil glow.

“Well Spring Break is coming up! Wanna spend the week at my house and we can film it then?” Phil sat up straight and started to shift with excitement. Dan’s eyes widened. He knew that body language well.

“Spring break?” he contemplated the option. He was now far less worried about doing the video and much more intrigued about being invited over for a week. “Won’t your parents find it strange that you’re just bringing home a stranger from University to bum it out on your couch?”

“They won’t even be home that week. I was going to have to spend the week alone. I’d love the company,” Phil’s smile was genuine. He wasn’t kidding. Dan’s eyes maintained solid contact with Phil’s for a moment while he watched the older boy plead with his irises. Dan wasn’t going to be able to say no, he knew that. He could never say no to Phil. At this point he just didn’t want to seem as excited as he was.

Truth is, he’d never had plans for spring break. Dan didn’t get along well with people over long periods of time. He needed his solitude, but with Phil it was different. For some reason they could sit for hours in silence and Dan would feel perfectly content. He thought about a week in Phil’s house and how much fun that might be. They would do what they normally did, watch movies from Phil’s extensive collection, play video games at all hours of the day, explore new areas in town, only this time there would be no lessons to get in the way. The idea of it made him smile. Dan’s gaze broke from Phil’s and onto his almost finished plate of potatoes.

“Yeah, okay,” he smiled a little because he knew how excited Phil was by his slight jump at the answer. Dan nodded as Phil started listing the activities that they could do when they got there. At this rate, they were going to have a scheduled itinerary for the whole week. Dan rested his cheek on his knuckle and listened to his friend talk about buying the train tickets that night, admiring his enthusiasm and enjoying the images that crossed his mind.

 

-

 

Saturday morning, Dan woke from his much needed sleep to a loud banging on his door. His eyes slowly rolled open and he reached to find his phone. 10:00am? Why couldn’t people understand that a university student shouldn’t be bothered until at least 12 on the weekends? He slid out of his duvet and smacked his lips a little, trying to remove the taste of sleep from his mouth. His shuffle to the door was slow but he made it before the loud knocking happened again. He sighed, fixed his hair and opened the door having no idea who to expect.

The open door revealed a huffing and puffing Louise with her arms tucked into her elbows. She stood there looking at the boy and Dan almost found it unsettling. He hadn’t talked to Louise in a couple weeks, there was no reason she should be acting like this. She knew far too well that Dan would disappear for weeks at a time, it never bothered her before. His mind was grasping for any sort of explanation. Luckily, his half awake brain didn’t have to work much longer. Louise threw her fists to her side and walked into the room, uninvited. It’s like she hadn’t even noticed the crusts in the corners of his eyes.

“Are you gay?” she asked abruptly. Dan physically jumped when he heard the question. That was the _last_ thing he expected her to ask him and his silence was warranted due to his surprise. Louise’s glare only got worse, her eyes peering into what seemed to be his inner brain. He felt violated.

“Wh-” Dan didn’t even finish. Was she serious? He just brought his hands to his eyes and tried to reach some of the crusts that were now irritating his tear ducts. It was far to early for this kind of treatment. Admittedly, Dan’s lack of sleep was credited to spending the entire night next to Phil playing Mario Kart until the sun came up, but who didn’t stay up late on Friday nights?

“Are. You. Gay?” Louise stood her ground and repeated the question. Her foot was actually tapping on the floor as she waited for a response. You know, the way they do in the movies. Dan took a deep breath and decided that the only way to end his suffering was to answer her ridiculous question that he clearly wasn't going to get any further explanation on.

“No. I’m not, Louise,” he licked his lips and put his hands on his hips, starting to realize how rude she was being. “What’s your deal?”

Louise’s eyes stared right at Dan’s for a moment of silence. It was as if she was deciding whether or not to keep yelling or take it down a notch. Dan was glad that it was the latter. She seemed to let down her guard and broke her defensive stance.

“You sure?” she asked, squinting.

“Yeah, I’m sure,” he stated in a slightly more annoyed tone. “What are you on about, Louise?”

Her eye contact finally broke and her attention was suddenly taken to the carpet below their feet. She looked defeated and Dan relaxed his arms.

“I’ve been hearing rumors,” Louise started, her voice remaining articulate and accusatory. That was never a good sign. Dan hated the he-said she-said drama and did his best to avoid it at all costs. It wasn’t an efficient way of finding out information. “You know how I have that mate that lives on the fourth floor? I ran into him the other day and I asked him about Phil. You asked me if I knew anything about him the other day so I figured I’d find out what I could, and he told me that Phil had been spending an awful lot of time with this underclassmen. I wanted to find out who it was, so I asked some more people and I found out it was you.”

Dan was trying to get a grip on the situation. He wasn’t sure where this was going.

“And how does this have anything to do with me being gay?” Dan tried to bring the topic at hand back to where it started, still holding onto the idea that he could go back to bed.

“Well I was talking to another friend, Casper, who is actually friends with Phil. I guess Phil told him that he really liked this new friend of his. Casper told me he talked about you as if you were dating,” Louise spoke much faster than Dan could process. Phil? Talking about him? Dan had never really thought about the people Phil talked to when he wasn’t around. He supposed that if someone asked him about _his_ week Phil’s name was bound to come up. After all, they did literally everything together. “Casper says he pretty much addressed you as his boyfriend.”

Dan didn’t know how to respond. This was a lot to take in this early in the morning. If nothing else, he was awake now.

“I was just so offended because I figured you would have at least _told_ me!” Louise’s mouth turned up slightly and she reached out a hand to place on Dan’s shoulder. “There’s nothing wrong with being-”

“I’m not gay!” Dan raised his voice, surprising himself with the shout. He was suddenly filled with a surge of anger. What the hell was Phil doing, running around and telling people that the two were an item? Dan’s mind flashed back to the conversation they had after pancakes that one night. Phil’s declaration of sexuality wasn’t specific, but Dan never imagined this being a problem. Dan’s heartbeat started to pick up pace. Louise’s hand fell from his shoulder and she took a slight step back. Dan recognized immediately that he may have been overreacting and he should take the time to get the full story before getting angry.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have believed him. I just felt a little left out is all,” her head hung a little and Dan couldn’t help but feel sorry for her. It wasn’t her fault that this was happening. To her, Dan just looked like a really bad friend for not telling her he had changed sexual orientation. He stepped closer to her and embraced her. Something he learned from Phil.

“No, I’m sorry. I overreacted,” he felt obligated to apologize as he looked at the wall as they hugged. “I didn’t mean to shout.”

The hug lasted a while and Dan needed it as much as Louise did. He had to calm down a bit. As angry as he was, his thoughts were unclear and he just needed a moment to breathe before dealing with the issue at hand. Their hug broke after about a minute and Louise’s face had changed from hurt to happy. Her smile filled the room and made Dan’s stress melt for a moment. He remembered why he liked having her around.

“If you were gay...you would tell me though?” she muttered as she looked up with her big blue eyes. His face broke into a grin and he closed his eyes for a second to appreciate her humor.

“Yes Louise, you’d be the first to know,” he held out his hand and invited her to shake it. She took the invitation and giggled.

“Okay, Howell,” she started for the door. “Good talk.”

As she closed the door behind her, Dan fell back onto his bed feeling overwhelmed. He reflected upon the past few weeks and the many hours he had spent with his new friend. He thought about their trips to the Diner and their coffee runs that Phil would sometimes cover. Dan figured it was just a kind gesture but what if it were more? What if Casper was right and Phil liked Dan as more than a friend? He had nothing against gay people or even Phil being gay, he just felt sort of strange about being seen as a romantic interest to his best friend.

In fact, after thinking for a moment, Dan realized he honestly didn’t care what Phil said to other people. He didn’t care about what people thought or what they heard, but he _did_ care about his friendship. If Phil liked Dan, enough to be telling others that he did, then what if their entire relationship was only Phil’s attempt at getting with Dan?

Somewhere in the back of his mind he told himself that he shouldn’t be freaking out about something so stupid, but there was something that made him feel uneasy about the whole situation. He didn’t hate Phil or anything close to it. Dan didn’t trust people easily and this had never happened to him before. He didn’t know how to react but he couldn’t help but feel slightly skeptical about his new relationship. Plus, he couldn’t just bring it up or ask Phil about it. That could get awkward very quickly.

Reaching for his phone, he flipped it open and sent a message to Phil.

_Not feeling very good. Can’t hang out today. Sorry._

He figured an illness was a good enough excuse to avoid his friend, at least until he figured out what he was going to do about it.


	5. Chapter 5

It wasn’t until Wednesday that week that he heard the soft knock on his door that he knew was coming. The thing about being fake-sick was that after a while, you really start to believe it. Dan even decided that he was going to commit to the part of being ill and he missed a few of his classes. Dan used the time to take a break from university stress and relax a bit.

He rose from his lounging position on his unmade bed and started for the door slowly. His hair was a tussled mess and his clothes were ten times the size they should be. He looked the part for sure.

The boy behind the door was holding a plastic container that Dan could only guess was soup and a box of Maltesers. Dan smiled and stepped aside to let him in.

“How are you feeling?” Phil asked him.

“Feeling a lot better today,” he replied, which technically wasn’t a lie. He hadn’t forgot the original reason he was avoiding Phil and he had had plenty of time to think the situation over. Avoiding Phil was not going to solve the problem, and as the days passed he realized how stupid he was being. Phil was his friend and whether or not Phil liked Dan was not of Dan’s concern. Dan just had to somehow make it clear that he didn’t feel the same way. That was his part. Phil wouldn’t get hurt and Dan wouldn’t lead anyone on. It was the perfect plan. How he was going to do this, he didn’t know. But he had more time to think that over. He missed Phil, especially while he was playing sick. He couldn’t count how many times he wanted to call Phil and ask him to play Mario Kart with him while he lounged or accompany him on an outing to get pancakes instead of doing make-up work. Phil was not only a part of his routine, he had become a part of his life.

“That’s good. I brought you some soup because I figured you might be getting hungry,” he placed the container on his desk, handed the chocolate sweet to Dan and pulled out the chair to sit on. He would have normally hopped on the bed, but if Phil thought Dan was sick, it made sense he didn’t want to be near his spot of slumber.

“Thanks,” Dan smiled and leaned against the bed, opening the box right away. “I had Louise bring me some food earlier this week, so I haven’t starved.”

Also not a lie. Louise had come over a few nights ago with Chinese food. He needed to catch up with her anyway and he told her about his life so she felt a little less left out. It all worked out. With all the time he had been spending with Phil, he really had missed his time with Louise.

“Oh, that’s good,” Phil smiled and swayed back and forth a bit like he did when he was pondering something. “I missed you a lot.”

“Me too,” Dan’s response was fast and his smile was genuine. He meant it. Phil was the last thing he thought he needed in his life, but somehow now he couldn’t imagine a world without him. “I’ve been playing Mario Kart all by myself and it’s not as fun when I don’t have someone to destroy.”

“Hey!” Phil chuckled and shook his head, probably holding back a punch to the arm. “I’m not _that_ bad!”

“Sure, Phil,” he mocked his friend and looked down at the boy’s blue sneakers, smiling.

“Oh! By the way!” Phil dug into his back pocket and pulled out two slips of paper. “I bought train tickets for spring break!”

He had completely forgot about spring break. Dan was conflicted between excitement and fear. On the one hand, that week was supposed to be one for the books. They had talked about the things they were going to do and the video they were going to shoot. He had been looking forward to this. On the other hand, this meant that he needed to do something about his problem and fast. He didn’t want to have an awkward conversation right before they left for their week at Phil’s. He smiled and took his ticket from his friend’s hand.

“You didn’t have to buy mine!” he was a tad bit grateful though because he didn’t have much money of his own and he didn’t have a job. He had his ever dwindling college fund and that was about it. Phil at least had some money coming in through Youtube. Dan decided to push his problem aside for now and get excited with his friend. No matter what, the week was going to be fun. He knew that much.

“My mum will most likely reimburse me anyway, don’t worry about it,” he smiled the smile Dan recognized as true happiness and Dan returned it. “Let’s get you out of this room. You look sun deprived.”

Phil was right, he had been missing the sun during his little break and he desperately wanted to leave the confines of his tiny room. Dan nodded as he threw on a sweatshirt and some shoes, allowing Phil to pull him out.

 

-

 

“Are you serious??” Dan was covering his mouth with laughter and trying his hardest to refrain from spitting his water from his mouth. Phil was telling him about the time he got attacked by a purse dog at a resort in Florida. The story was almost funnier because it had been so long since he had heard a Phil original story.

The two had staked out a booth at the diner for over two hours now and Phil’s smile was contagious. Dan was admiring Phil’s smile, envious that his was not as big and spreadable. He was starting to see why Phil was so popular on the internet. People compared him to the sunshine and Dan was getting a glimpse of what they all meant. As Phil spoke, the corners of his mouth rose ever so slightly.

“It was the worst day of my life!” Phil insisted, completing his story and wiping off his mouth from the pancakes he had just devoured.

“Louise told me that she got attacked by a yorkie once,” Dan sipped his water and chuckled a little remembering the way Louise told the story. Phil was a better story teller, by a long shot. “She swears tiny dogs are out to get her.”

“Why haven’t I met Louise yet?” Phil asked, placing his elbow on the table and most definitely getting syrup on his sleeve. Dan thought about his question, not bothering to warn Phil about his clothing. He had never thought about the two of them getting along. It’s not that they wouldn’t get on well, in fact they might get along better than most because they were pretty much the same people. Louise and Phil both talked circles around Dan and suddenly the idea seemed slightly pleasant. Just the other day Louise had asked about Phil and if she was ever going to meet his mysterious new friend.

“I don’t know, I guess I figured you already knew her. Louise knows everybody,” Dan shrugged.

“I hear her name a lot,” Phil mentioned. “You talk about her a lot and my mate Casper knows her from his theater class.”

“Yeah, you can meet her,” Dan felt strange giving Phil permission to meet one of his friends. He supposed that if Phil really wanted to, he could have gone and met her himself. This Casper fella seemed pretty tight with her. Phil looked giddy.

“Oh good! I can’t wait!” he clapped his hands together a couple of times and smiled at Dan with a warming smile, one that reassured him that Louise would like Phil. “Let’s take her here for pancakes!”

It was after Dan looked around at the other people casually sitting and talking throughout the restaurant that an idea suddenly popped into his head. This could be his plan. This could be how he could get the message across to Phil. Maybe seeing Dan interact with a _girl_ would change his mind about him.

They finished their meal and Phil asked Dan some questions about Louise and what she was like. Phil told Dan a story he had heard at the beginning of the year about a girl on floor two and Dan confirmed that it was indeed Louise that jumped from her window to see a kitten on the sidewalk below her. Dan forgot about how crazy she could be sometimes and the idea of his new best friend meeting her excited him.

When they returned to their building Phil suggested that Dan should get some rest and Dan almost blew his cover by taking a moment to understand what Phil meant. He quickly agreed and they said their goodnights. Dan told Phil he would set up something with Louise. Closing the door, Dan headed straight for the Maltesers sitting on the desk and he shoved a handful into his mouth. It wasn’t that late, Louise was probably still up, right?

Instead of sending a text, he waited a few minutes for Phil to make it to the stairwell and up to his room, then he slid from his room and down the hallway to Louise’s room. He knocked softly and waited patiently for his friend to come to answer it. He fiddled with the hem of his shirt and looked at the ground, his feet about a foot in front of the door.

Just when he was about to give up and walk away, Louise came to the door and flung it open. Her appearance was really something to take in. She was wearing her pajamas with little dividers between her toes, curlers in her hair and her face covered in a green mask. Dan could smell the nail polish seeping from the room. Her smile was bright and she grabbed his arm to pull him inside before he could even mutter a hello. She was excited to see him, obviously. He never initiated anything.

“Dan Howell! To what do I owe the pleasure?” she sang slightly, sitting back on the bed where she was clearly sat before he arrived. Dan was silent for a moment, taking in the room. He had only been in there a few times and both times it as dark and reeked of alcohol. Tonight, the room was lit with string lights and the aroma of daisies. Zoe, her roommate, wasn’t there, however her side of the room was just as cute as Louise’s. Dan couldn’t help but smile when he saw the puppy poster hanging on the wall. Louise must have noticed him looking around. “I’m just prepping for a date with Matt tomorrow. Sit down!”

As she patted the bed beside her he walked slowly towards it and he sat carefully as to not mess up her second coat.

“I came to ask you a question,” he stumbled over his words a bit, speaking slowly. It was unusual that he was prompted to do most of the talking. Phil had been training him however and he had to admit, it was getting easier. “A favor really..”

“Oh?” Louise raised her eyebrows but her pupils stayed glued to her middle toe where she was painting a perfect white stripe. Dan was thinking about how he could word this kind of favor. He wasn’t sure how to even explain the situation.

“Do you remember the other night how I told you about Phil and how I feared that he might have a crush on me?” Dan was blunt because he knew that Louise wasn’t going to tolerate him beating around the bush. The other night while they were eating their Chinese, he had given Louise the basics of the situation. Louise nodded slightly, moving the brush to her pinkie toe as she recalled the discussion. “And remember how I said I needed to figure out a way to change his mind without hurting his feelings or having that awkward conversation?”

“Why do I feel like this is going to end up backfiring?” Louise smiled and giggled a little. Dan could tell she was teasing, but he paused before continuing while he evaluated the plan once more in his head.

“Well Phil asked me if he could meet you, ‘cause I guess I talk about you a lot,” Louise’s smile got bigger.

“Who wouldn’t?” she winked in his direction and screwed the cap on her nail polish, now giving Dan her full attention and wide eye contact.

“I thought that maybe we could all go out for pancakes tomorrow?” he stopped and proposed the idea to start, hoping silently that she would say yes and be free. After all, they didn’t have long until spring break and he needed this to happen as soon as possible. Louise looked up as if checking a calendar in her head and her face lit up.

“I can do tomorrow!” she gave him a thumbs up. “But I don’t quite understand how that’s going to help you fix your Philly problem.”

Dan grimaced at the nickname. He didn’t like the idea of nicknames to begin with, but Phil was _his_ best friend, only _he_ was allowed to call him names; even though he didn’t dare call his friend anything but Phil.

“Well that’s where the favor comes into play. I’ve been thinking and maybe if Phil saw me interacting with a female..” Dan pointed at Louise and paused, trying to read her facial expressions. He couldn’t tell if she was digging the idea yet or not. “You know, flirting and stuff.” Another pause. “..he might decide that he wasn’t into me anymore.”

“Howell,” The corners of Louise’s mouth turned up. “I love you, but you’re so stupid.”

Dan cocked his head but he said nothing. Now it was Louise’s turn.

“As much as I would _love_ to play footsie with you all afternoon Danny, do you really think that’s going to work?” she asked while she blew on her nails. He stared at her for a moment, thinking.

“Yeah...?” he almost asked his friend. He wasn’t sure, but he was pretty desperate to avoid an awkward conversation so he was willing to try anything. Plus, what harm could it do? Flirting with girls was normal. She stared at him for a moment and then her blank face changed into a devious one. Dan didn’t know how to interpret that.

“Okay. He’s _your_ mate,” she broke eye contact and chuckled to herself. “If you think it’ll work, I’m game.”

“Really?” he was grateful he had a friend like her to help him in situations like these. She whipped around and her smile fell from her face, pointing her freshly painted finger at him.

“But if this backfires, I am not to blame! This was one-hundred percent your idea! I will _not_ be responsible for the destruction of your friendship!” she stared at him for a moment, then turned back around and Dan stood there wide eyed. There was a moment of silence and Louise turned back around with the same grin she wore when he entered.

“Okay, see you at five tomorrow then, Honeybun. Let me get ready for my brunch date tomorrow morning,” she shooed him from the room and as she closed the door in his face, he stood with a flabbergasted expression. That was it. Plan was made. Now to text Phil.

He shuffled back down the hall to his room and went in, pulling out his phone.

_Dinner at 5:00 tomorrow with Louise. Meet me in my room after class?_

He placed his phone on his desk and sat down. He had a little bit of make-up work to do before tomorrow’s classes so he sat and opened the book in front of him. He figured this would cure the butterflies in his stomach that had formed after the Diner that afternoon.

He was still quite unsure about his plan, but he decided that it was worth covering all bases. He liked Phil. He liked him a lot. He just didn’t want to give him the wrong idea.

 

-

 

Dan paced around his room, picking up the spare pieces of clothing that he neglected to tidy the past week. He mumbled slightly to himself, trying to go over some classic pick up lines he could use on Louise. He thought about the concept of flirting and he made himself snort when he thought about the last time he had ‘flirted’ with a girl. It was in secondary school, he thought a girl liked him so he tried to put the moves on her. Sadly, it didn’t work out and Dan had sworn to silence ever since. He never really found any of the girls at his school attractive anyway, most of them were alright but he wasn’t going to fight the other secondary school boys for them.

He was in university now, how hard could it be? He complimented girls all the time. And Louise _loved_ compliments. She would make it very easy for him.

He was grateful to have a friend like her to play along with his stupid games. She loved games. Louise was known for being good at two things, games and flirting. Fortunately for him, she would carry him so that he really only needed to follow her lead. This eased his nerves a tad.

Her knock was identifiable anywhere. Loud, yet somehow dainty. As usual, she was early. He opened the door and allowed her space to enter. She started talking immediately, as if she had read his mind this entire time.

“So here’s how it’s going to work. You, stay normal. I will do what I do best and all I need you to do is react. Can you do that, Dan?” she glared at him intensely until he nodded. “If you try and use one of those _stupid_ lines they use on tv, this whole plan will fall apart.”

Well, there went all of his practice.

“There is one thing I need you to do though. It is _very_ important. When you look in my direction, I need you to use those ‘Heart Eyes’ you’ve got,” she wiggled her finger at his pupils. His brow furrowed.

“My what?” he had absolutely no idea what she was talking about.

“Well you know, the eyes you give someone when you like them. You know how cartoons place the little hearts in the eyes when they show affection? You can do those in real life,” she clamped her hands together under her cheek and fluttered her lashes. “Like this.”

Dan was suddenly very aware of the way Louise was looking at him. He smiled and almost blushed a little.

“You see? Very easy!” she pat his cheek lightly. “You try!”

He shrugged and gave it his best effort, Louise’s smile faded and her eyebrows raised.

“Okay...I’ll tell you what. Pretend I’m your biggest celebrity crush. Stare at me like I was the most beautiful person on the planet,” she smirked. “It shouldn't be hard, I already am gorgeous.”

He tried again, Megan Fox’s face popping into his head, this time his eyes lightened and he felt the difference. With a slight nod, a smile of pity and worrying sigh, she patted him on the shoulder.

“That’ll do, just be subtle,” she shook her head and pulled her purse over her shoulder. “Where is this boy! He’s already late!”

“It’s only 4:47. He has 13 minutes to get here, Louise,” Dan scolded. Just because she was early didn’t mean the rest of the world could run on her schedule. She rolled her eyes.

As if the world once again read his mind, there was another knock on the door and Louise squealed, clapping her hands together. She jumped to the door before Dan could even turn his head and notice. She flung it open and threw herself into Phil’s arms. He was most certainly not expecting this, as he had probably wanted to arrive early and prepare himself. However, for such short notice, Phil’s arms welcomed her presence as they rubbed her back slightly. She purred into him and pulled away with a gleam.

“Louise Pentland! Pleasure to meet you!” she held out her hand and did a slight courtesy. He surprised her by bringing her hand to his lips and giving it a little kiss.

“Phil Lester,” he bowed and her giggle was almost fanciful. She stepped aside and let him walk in, following him and giving Dan a gleeful thumbs up, mouthing something he couldn’t quite catch.

Phil shook his head at Louise and his silent laugh was visible through the rise and fall of his shoulders. His eyes shined with intrigue.

“Hi Phil,” Dan smiled, showing a dimple to his friend. Phil waved and walked over to stand by the other boy. Louise walked over as well, staring up at the two boys.

“Well...who here is ready for pancakes?!” she asked after a brief moment of silence, both boys raised their hands.

The walk to the Diner was actually pleasant. Dan hung back a little and let the two new friends chat each other up, talking about common interests. Turns out, Dan wasn’t wrong. The two of them got along swimmingly. In fact, Dan was almost scared. He was suddenly feeling very possessive over his friend Phil. Louise was being friendly but he hoped that she wasn’t going to make Dan seem boring or less intriguing. Dan shook away the thought and refocused on the conversation happening before him. They had shifted to talking about America and their trips as children. Dan scooted a little closer to Louise, suddenly remembering his mission, nudging Phil over a little as he stood in the middle of his two friends. Louise winked a little at Dan and he half smiled.

As they entered the Diner, they realized that it was pretty packed. They had been used to going in the middle of the night when there were plenty of seats to spare, this time it seemed only a small booth in the corner would be available. The hostess watched them usher into the building and grabbed some menus.

“Will that booth be alright with you folks?” she pointed at a tiny booth in the corner with a smile that suggested she had a long night ahead of her. Dan looked at his friends and opened his mouth to suggest maybe going somewhere else when Louise’s face lit up like a switch.

“Of course! We’re all friends here!” she linked arms with Dan, which surprised him, then she leaned her head on his shoulder and sighed. “I don’t mind snuggling up.”

“Yeah, we’ll take it,” Dan smiled, faking a blush wasn’t even necessary because his cheeks were already burning. This much physical contact was very rare for him and his body couldn’t ignore it. Neither of them asked Phil if the booth was okay, but Dan assumed that Phil would be willing to accommodate for his friends.

When the hostess left them at their table, Phil scooted into one side of the booth and Louise scooted into the other. Dan would have normally sat next to Phil but his mission called for the opposite. He scooted into the side with Louise and pushed his hip up to hers. She smiled at him and wiggled a little in her seat. He could feel the difference in her behavior. Damn. She was good at this. He wondered how many people she had flirted with in her lifetime and how this was coming so naturally to her.

“Phillip, tell me about your family,” Louise leaned her chin on her hand and watched Phil’s blue eyes turn from watching Dan to her blushing face. He smiled and nodded proceeding to tell her all about his parents and his older brother Martyn. He told them a story about their trip to Paris and how he got sick all over the Eiffel Tower gift shop. Louise laughed hysterically as he explained his mother’s reaction, using the tissues in her purse to clean up the mess before anyone could see.

“What about you, Louise? What’s your family like?” Phil asked, sipping some of the water they were just delivered. As Louise started talking, Dan figured this was his chance. He turned his head and gave those Heart Eyes a shot.

The rest of dinner went pretty smoothly. Turns out the flirting thing wasn’t too hard. He complimented Louise’s smile and her use of make-up, making her giggle and act coy. Louise snagged some pancakes from Dan’s plate and he playfully fought her for them, crinkling his nose and looking down to pretend he was hiding a blushed face when she said something flattering about him. Every now and then he would catch a glimpse of Phil looking in his direction, his face difficult to read. Almost as if he was confused but he hid it very well if he was. This assured Dan that his plan was working. Plus, overall, they were having a good time. Phil was laughing at all of Louise’s jokes and Louise obviously enjoyed Phil’s stories as much as Dan did. Dan contributed by talking about what he and Louise used to do before Phil came around. He shared stories about their orientation and how Louise dragged Dan to a floor meeting he had no desire to go to. He tried to paint Louise as one of the best things that had happened to him that year, hoping it made him sound more infatuated.

The waitress came back over with a smaller menu that had desserts written in a fancy diner script. Louise shook her head but she saw the two boys lick their lips. She smiled and excused herself to the bathroom and let the boys look over the after dinner treats. Dan took the menu from the waitress and started looking over it, deciding that he needed the apple turnover. He passed the menu to Phil who was giving him a confused look. Dan smiled back at him, ignoring the glare and announcing what he was going to order. This seemed to change Phil’s thought process and he broke the gaze to look at the menu.

Right after they placed their dessert orders and the waitress walked away, Louise trotted back over and stood by the table.

“Guys, I just got a call from Zoe, there is an emergency. Something to do with a guy named Alfie, it’s important, I have to skedaddle!” She placed twenty pounds on the table to cover her meal and some tip, said her quick goodbyes, passing Dan a wink and she was out the door. Dan smiled after her and quietly sighed, turning back to Phil who had the same look plastered on his face as before. Dan chose to ignore it again and asked him what he thought of Louise.

“She’s lovely!” he said, clearly dropping the look and smiling as he remembered the girl sitting in front of them moments before. “I’m glad I finally got to meet her.”

Their dessert arrived much quicker than they expected, the plates put before them suddenly looked like more food than possible to finish. They silently attempted to scarf them down, trying their hardest to fit the monstrous portions into their stomach along with the pancakes they had just finished devouring. Dan dropped his fork to his plate when he had completed what he could, leaning back and grabbing his stomach.

“Oh, Phil I think I ate too much...” he groaned and chuckled a little. Phil laughed too and dropped his fork to mimic Dan.

“Me too,” he sighed and they sat there slumped over and rubbing their stomachs until the bill was dropped off.

As they walked out of the Diner and crossed the street to head back to campus, Dan was suddenly made aware of the silence that consumed the moment. The sun had fallen and the night had taken over the streets. It was quiet and less people littered the area to create background noise. Dan walked next to Phil as he usually did and he turned to the raven haired boy who had another strange look on his face. Dan opened his mouth to ask, but Phil stole the chance for the words to leave his mouth.

“So how come you never mentioned that you liked Louise?” Phil’s words were a shock to Dan. He suddenly felt so stupid. He had made this whole plan, to fool Phil into thinking he was into this girl, but he had never planned for when Phil asked about it. He assumed that Phil would just make a mental note and not ask any questions, but now he understood how foolish he had been. Phil, not asking questions? Now he had to think of an answer that wasn’t a blatant lie.

“It uh...never came up,” he said, fishing for something that might seem slightly more convincing than that.

“So you do like her?” his head turned to Dan and Dan looked towards his feet.

“I don’t know. Maybe?” he shrugged slightly, hoping that Phil would pick up on his uncomfortable body language and stop asking.

“It sure seemed like you did,” he said flatly, not looking at Dan anymore. Dan racked his brain for another explanation that could possibly sound more plausible. 

“Maybe I just act differently around girls. You don’t see me around girls very often...that might explain it,” he struggled, but he decided that was a good excuse for acting the way he had in the Diner. One that got him out of liking his girl _friend_ and simultaneously in to _liking_ girls.

Phil’s face didn’t change though as he turned away from Dan and stared at the pavement in front of them. He took a deep breath and exhaled it slowly. It seemed to Dan that he was trying to collect himself. Dan couldn’t read Phil’s face and he was hoping that his excuses had worked and he was off the hook. Maybe Phil bought it?

He could not have been more wrong.

“Just because I _happen_ to like guys doesn’t mean that it’s contagious,” Phil said with a quiet voice. Dan’s eyes went wide. He had no idea how to respond to that. Phil was smart. There was no fooling him, Dan knew that now. His cheeks flushed crimson and he was silently thanking the night sky for hiding it. Shit. “I had a feeling this was going to get back to you, Howell...”

Dan loved when Phil called him by his last name. It made him feel important, but right now it only made him feel worse. Like he was getting yelled at by the track teacher in secondary school. If he had a tail, it would be between his legs.

“I was talking to my classmate Casper a few days ago, who I presume knows Louise, and I was telling him about how I met you through Professor Burnham,” Phil paused for a moment to sigh and he shook his head. “I guess I got a little excited and mentioned how much fun I’ve been having the last few weeks with you. I just told him how cool you were and that we were spending spring break together.”

Dan was silent as he listened to Phil’s story as they walked. He wasn’t quite sure where it was going yet, but he figured it was best to let Phil have the floor. At this point they were about halfway to their building. He could see Phil’s fists clench slightly.

“I hate...” Phil started, saying the words through clenched teeth. Phil almost never used those words. Dan held his breath preparing for the worst. “...how the people at this school assume that I, someone who has been with guys in the past, can’t have a normal friendship with another guy. Everyone just thinks that every male I talk about is some new boyfriend..”

Dan suddenly felt horrible. Not only was this the second time that he had believed something that another person had said about Phil, but he had been a real dick about it too. He could have just asked Phil himself and he would have told him the truth. Dan wanted to slink away from existence. Why did Phil even want to hang out with Dan when all he did was act upon rumors? Dan bit his lip, trying to find something to say to his friend that was better than ‘sorry’.

“To answer your next question, I do not like you like that, Dan,” Phil continued. “Don’t believe the things you hear from other people. You have to remember, people don’t like the weird ones. They’ll do anything to make the weird ones look weirder.”

There was an element of sadness poking through Phil’s stern voice. Dan may not have known Phil for too long, but he could hear this tone quite clearly. Phil was hurting. Dan hadn’t seen Phil like this since their first fight on the first night. Dan didn’t like that there was a correlation between him and Phil’s pain. He took a deep breath and stopped walking, causing Phil to turn back and look at him expectingly.

“I like the weird ones,” he said, looking Phil directly in the eye.

“What?” Phil pursed his lips as he kept eye contact with the boy from a few steps ahead.

“I’m sorry I listened to the rumors. I’m so stupid, Phil. I admit, I got so freaked out that I couldn’t stop for a moment to think about whether the things I heard were true,” Dan broke their locked gaze and stared at the floor beneath him. “But I like the weird ones. And you’re _my_ weird one. I don’t care what other people say. I promise next time I’ll just ask.”

The confession was much more than Dan expected to leave his mouth, but he was really proud of himself that he finally said something meaningful and above everything else, mature. No more stupid lies or cover up answers. Just the truth. It was refreshing.

Phil’s gaze softened and he must have been thinking the situation over in his head. Dan’s heart was racing. The silence was killing him, but who was he to complain? The man he had hurt twice now was still standing before him and that was something to be grateful for. God, Dan had to be so dense sometimes. He just hoped silently that Phil could see the lesson he had just obviously learned. His face reflected it and he was sure his whole body was shaking. Phil looked down for a moment and then back up with a grin. His smile was understanding. He took a few steps towards Dan and ruffled the younger boy’s fringe.

“Thank you, Dan,” he put his arm around Dan’s shoulder and they kept walking like that for a while. Dan let out a sigh of relief. He couldn’t bare to think about what would have happened if Phil wasn’t such a patient guy. Their friendship was really important to him and was arguably the most important thing in his life right now. Phil swayed back and forth a little and let out a low chuckle. Dan’s thoughts were interrupted by Phil’s words. “Plus Howell, what makes you think you’re even my type?”


	6. Chapter 6

Spring break came much quicker than Dan expected. His suitcase was packed and sitting on top of his bed as he leaned against his desk, waiting for Phil. He clutched his phone in his palm as he ran over the list in his head again. Shirts, pants, underwear, socks, a jacket, laptop, phone charger, homework... The list was extensive but he didn’t want to forget anything and risk ruining the perfect week.

Phil was running a little late which was very unordinary for him, but Dan remembered that he had to pack up all of his filming equipment as well so he relaxed and started his list again. Shirts, pants, underwear...

_Plus Howell, what makes you think you’re even my type?_

The words from a few nights before crept into his head for probably the twentieth time since Phil had said them. They shouldn’t have bothered him so much, but he found himself constantly reflecting upon the statement.

Dan thought about Phil’s type and what that could possibly look like. Did Phil prefer a person much like Louise; one that talked really fast and excelled in human interaction? Or did Phil find himself attracted to the ones who could listen, not being able to make easy conversation. Dan stopped his thought process when he caught himself picturing his good friend with another boy, talking over pancakes in their favorite Diner. For some reason, the thought of Phil being with another person that wasn’t Dan made his face scrunch. He would rather think about their Spring break and how they were going to spend every moment together for a week.

Just before his mind wandered off for the billionth time that day about what they were going to occupy themselves with, he heard the knock on his door that he had been eagerly waiting for. The excitement hit him and he didn’t even try to stop the smile from crawling across his face, answering the door. Phil stood on the other side with his bags clutched in each arm, a tripod resting in-between his body and his elbow. Dan chuckled at the sight of the clearly discombobulated boy before him.

“Phil, why didn’t you ask me to come grab this stuff,” he snatched the tripod from his huffing and puffing friend and added it to his load of one suitcase and a backpack. Phil smiled gratefully and stepped inside the room for a moment, dropping his bags and pulling his phone from his back pocket and reading the screen for a moment. He looked up at Dan and his face had become far less confused, much more content.

“Are you ready for the best week of the year?” his teeth showed in full as he grinned at his friend.

“Oh you know that, do you?” Dan challenged, knowing full well that it would probably be the best week of his entire life. But he wasn’t going to tell Phil that.

They collected their carry-ons and headed to the train station that was conveniently not too far from campus.

 

-

 

The ride was only about an hour and a half, which was bearable. Within the first twenty minutes, Phil had already begun his chipper chatter at Dan who was struggling to keep up. Someone had their coffee this morning.

“Did you know that some species of scorpions survive on only one meal a year?” he stared at Dan, waiting for a response. Dan’s eyebrows went up.

“If I were that scorpion, I would hope that one meal would be Maltesers,” Dan licked his lips and Phil glared at him, looking offended. “Oh? And what would your meal choice be?”

“Cereal. Obviously,” Phil said it as if it was the only choice that could even be considered. “In order to last a year, you would have to eat an awful lot of Maltesers. They would give you a stomach ache! You want a stomach ache for a year?”

“No, I guess not,” Dan couldn’t believe that Phil was actually taking this conversation seriously. His smile was stretched across his whole face, clearly enjoying the challenge. Dan wasn’t going to win so he gave up with a nod and wiggled his nose a little.

“Did you know, a gynotikilobomassophile is someone who likes to nibble on women’s earlobes?” Phil said after another moment of silence. Dan almost choked on the air he was breathing at the moment.

“What?!” Dan was astonished that not only Phil knew about this, but also could remember the word for it. Phil could clearly tell he was impressed.

“I’m an English major, Dan,” he laughed a genuine laugh. “I told you, memorizing vocab is half the curriculum. Dan’s eyes didn’t ever change in size, he just nodded and scratched the hair on the top of his head.

“Amazing..” he mumbled.

“That’s what the internet calls me!” he piped in. The pun was over the top, but it made Dan laugh. “How much would I have to pay you to tell your fans that you were a gynotik-...uh...”

“A gynotikilobomassophile?” Phil’s smug grin made Dan shake his head.

“Yeah that.”

“10 Pounds.”

“That’s it?”

“Yeah, they wouldn’t believe me,” Phil challenged his friend.

“Well then how much would I have to pay you to admit it and then nibble on my earlobe on camera?” the moment the words came out of his mouth he realized that the look Phil just gave him was warranted. “Erm...that came out wrong...”

“You want me to nibble on your earlobes, Dan?” he teased. Dan’s face went pink and he put his face in his hands.

“No, I don’t!” he groaned as he laughed to cover the embarrassment and his now shaky voice. 

“Sure Dan..” Dan’s face emerged from his hands and he glanced at the boy across from him. The smirk painted on his face caught Dan off guard. He had seen Phil make fun of him before, but this time the look seemed less innocent. Less friendly. “I know how much you hate people touching your neck..”

“I’m serious!” he pleaded, hoping this wasn’t going to follow him all week.

After a few minutes of silence, Dan was confident that the topic was dropped and his face was almost the regular pale shade that it was before it came up. His body had relaxed a little and he slumped back in his seat, watching the boy in front of him. He hadn’t stopped watching Dan since the conversation started and he looked pleased with his thoughts.

“What?” Dan huffed.

“How much would I have to pay _you_ to let me nibble on your neck?” his smirk crept back on his face.

“Phil! We’re still on this??” Dan groaned.

“Just curious!” Phil finally looked away from Dan and into his lap, sensing Dan’s frustration. When he looked back up he saw the glare that Dan was giving him. Dan was trying to figure out if Phil was serious or not. Obviously this whole thing started as a joke, but Dan was still sensing a shimmer of something else in Phil’s question. It would have scared him if the words hadn’t still been floating around in his skull:

_Plus Howell, what makes you think you’re even my type?_

He smiled at his friend.

“More money than you have, mate,” he said with a smirk to combat with Phil’s. If Phil wanted to play dirty, fine. But Dan wasn’t going to let him win.

Phil sensed the change in attitude and his smirk was replaced with a smile that made Dan feel much more comfortable. His friend leaned back and put his feet up on the back of the seat in front of him. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes briefly.

Phil had taken this train ride so many times, he made himself very comfortable with ease. He knew the right way to relax and pretty soon, his hyper friend had crashed. His faced went slack and Dan noticed his chest moving up and down at a much slower rate. He couldn’t help but smile. Phil looked so young when he slept. Dan was so used to the elder boy towering above him and acting a few years older, but on the rare occasion that Dan saw Phil slip into unconsciousness, he noticed the man he called his superior become child-like and adorable. Dan sighed and tried to mimic the way that Phil was sitting, pulling out a novel he was trying to finish while the train kept pushing on. One hour until he officially began his spring break.

 

-

 

As they got out of the cab in Phil’s driveway, suddenly everything made sense. Phil’s strange love for plants and certain aesthetics. Phil’s house was adorable. The exterior was a medium sized family home with a garden that wrapped around the whole premise. Dan couldn’t help but stand and admire the place as Phil handed the cabby the cash they owed. The cab drove off and Phil walked up to Dan, noticing his admiration.

“You should let my mum know you like it so much,” Phil jabbed Dan’s side to help him out of his trance. “She would appreciate it. She spends a lot of time up keeping it.”

Dan nodded slowly as he followed Phil to the front door.

“Speaking of which, we need to water these plants. Don’t let me forget!” he fumbled with his keys as he finally stuck one in the deadbolt. Twisting it and letting them inside the frame, the smell of his house came wafting out and into Dan’s nostrils. He clenched his fists around the bags he was holding. The smell was incredible. It smelled like freshly cooked biscuits and honey. Dan knew that Phil smelled good, but his house put Phil’s natural scent to shame.

As Dan followed Phil through the first level of the house to the living room, Phil turned on all the lights and he admired the rustic design. He had only been inside the little building for a few seconds and he already felt like he had lived there for years. There were photos of Phil’s family surrounding him, pillows that were definitely hand made, and every piece of furniture seemed to come with a story. Dan smiled when he saw the TV and the game systems below it. He could almost imagine Phil and his older brother playing their games in the living room late at night while their parents were asleep, as Phil always described. His eyes moved to the bookshelf in the corner and he was amazed by their collection of novels. He spotted the lower shelf containing their cluster of children’s books.

_Where the Wild Things Are_. He read the spine of the book, crouching down and pulling the book from it’s spot on the shelf. He _loved_ this book. He had forced his parents to read it over and over and over again as a child. There was something about that storybook in particular that just made him feel good. He thought about how he hadn’t read the book in years and how much he would give to sit down and read it right now.

As he stared at the cover, he hadn’t noticed Phil standing next to him, trying to get his attention.

“Dan.”

“Hm? What?” he broke his gaze and noticed that all the lights were on and Phil had taken off his jacket and hung it on the banister in the front.

“That’s a good book,” Phil pointed out, smiling and crouching next to Dan.

“It’s my favorite book,” Dan said, smiling at the cover once again.

“Your favorite book?” Phil furrowed his brow. “Of _all_ time?”

“Yeah. I think so.”

“Well you clearly haven’t read anything by Stephan King,” Phil smirked and stood up. “Let’s take our bags upstairs. I’ll show you my room.”

Dan put the book back after giving it one last glance. Phil grabbed his bags and lead the other boy up the stairs and down the hall to a closed door. As he opened the door and let himself in the room, he laughed seeing the box sitting on his duvet.

“What is that?” Dan peered around Phil and noticed the blue box with a ribbon. Phil shook his head and sighed.

“My mum left this for us I guess,” he read the tag and giggled a little. “She felt sour for leaving us here alone for the break, so I guess this is to say sorry?”

He undid the bow and threw it on the floor, lifting the top of the box. Dan couldn’t help but stand closer to Phil so he could also see the contents of the box. To his surprise, the box was filled to the brim with goodies. The first thing his eyes found were the Maltesers.

“What? No way!” he reached out and grabbed the little red package and looked at Phil. “How did she know??”

He must have looked like a child on Christmas morning opening a stocking, but he didn’t care. This place was already the best. Better than his house for sure.

“I told her you were fond of those,” he snickered a little as he fished through the rest of the things in the enclosure, peering into the bottom and then quickly lidding the blue box.

“Wait I want to see the rest of the stuff!” Dan whined, knowing how annoying he must have sounded.

“We can wait, it will still be here after we unpack and settle,” Phil dragged his suitcase onto his bed and unzipped it. Dan shoved his sweets into his pocket and did the same. “I have to apologize. I would offer you my brother’s room to sleep in, but when he moved to his apartment last year he took the bed. And I’m not sure my parents would like some stranger sleeping in theirs..”

“No, it’s fine. I can sleep on the couch,” he offered, honestly the idea of sleeping in the living room with all those books, the old gaming systems and the cute family photos sounded more than appealing to him.

“Alright, as long as you don’t mind,” Phil’s voice was laced with sympathy and he sounded reluctant to give Dan something so uncomfortable. Dan smiled and popped a Malteser into his mouth.

“Phil?” he looked around the room, decorated with blue and green, much like his room at university. Noticing the little trinkets lying about the dresser and the floor.

“Hmm?” Phil answered as he threw the neatly folded clothes into various drawers, seeming to know the system by heart.

“You sure do like the colors blue and green, don’t you?” he noticed Phil’s chuckle and nod. Dan smiled and sat on Phil’s duvet. He would unpack, but he figured it would be easier to just leave it all in one place.

“What do you want for dinner?” Phil asked a moment later as he finished throwing his shirts sloppily into a drawer. He turned to see Dan shoving the little chocolate balls into his mouth. He sighed and ripped the little bag from Dan’s hands, who released an embarrassing squeal in which some of the chocolate fell from his mouth. He paused and hung his head. Phil was right, he had a problem. “Seeing that you have already spoiled dinner...how about I take you to my favorite place in town for a snack?”

“I didn’t _spoil_ dinner. I merely _delayed_ it,” Dan protested, folding his arms and following Phil out of his room and to the staircase.

“Whatever,” Phil skipped down the stairs and into the living room, pulling his jacket back on. Dan looked down to notice that he had never taken his off, he had been too busy admiring the beauty of the house. “Come on, let’s get you out of here.”

“Fine,” Dan kicked at the carpet a bit before following his friend out of the front door. He knew he was being difficult, but he felt like Phil was enjoying this far more than he was supposed to.”

They walked to a bus stop that wasn’t too far from the house and then took the bus into town. The bus ride seemed like only moments compared to their long trek earlier that day. The sun was slowly setting and as the darkness hit, the boys arrived in town. The city glowed as they walked the streets. Dan had to admit, it was strange walking with Phil anywhere but their own campus. It seemed that Phil knew exactly where he was going like he had memorized the streets many years ago. In fact, it was hard to follow him. He weaved in and out of the people passing by, skipping slightly faster than Dan’s legs could as he avoided the breaks in the pavement. Dan actually found himself grabbing onto Phil’s sleeve for a few minutes as they crossed the busiest section of town. Dan couldn’t help but get lost in the sights around him. His little neighborhood had nothing like this. Little shops littered the streets, filling the now dark air with smells of coffee and bread. Above them were little lights held up by strings that appeared like stars. The bricks below them seemed to guide their feet swiftly through the narrow space between the stores and the street. Each shop offering colors to their eyes, blending and complimenting, much like a Van Gogh painting Dan had once admired. However nothing could have been more beautiful than this little town, here, with Phil.

It was then that Dan noticed he had been holding Phil’s hand for a few minutes now as they walked the length of the block. Dan didn’t remember grabbing it, but it seemed much like Phil to notice when he was lost and discretely make sure he was headed in the right direction. Dan was going to pull away when Phil abruptly came to a stop in front of a very tall building that was standing alone at the end of the street. Phil let go and pushed his hair out of his face, turning to Dan.

“You aren’t afraid of heights, are you?” he asked the boy who was attempting to catch his breath. This was by far the most exercise he had done in a while. He looked at Phil with confusion as he shook his head slowly. “Good. Follow me.”

He entered the building they had been standing in front of and moved quickly to the back of the first floor. The building wasn’t much, but Dan noticed that any person that passed them by waved to Phil with a smile that you would only give an old family friend. Dan knew that Phil was friendly, but this took it to a whole new level.

They reached the back of the building and Phil started up a staircase, only briefly turning back to see if Dan was still following.

“If I had known we were going to the gym, I would have left the skinny jeans at home!” Dan joked. Phil chuckled slightly as Dan looked up after him. “But seriously, how many flights is this?”

“Only five. Don’t be a wuss,” Phil called back, at least a flight ahead of Dan. His eyes rolled and Phil could hear his friend sigh as he did. “I promise it’s worth it!”

“Oh it better be, Phil. You should be ashamed of yourself for making me burn off that gift your mum so kindly left me!” he grabbed his legs as he made it slowly up the last flight. “Those calories were mine, Phil! Mine!”

“Oh shut up, Dan. There are more where that came from,” Phil said with his hands on his hips, standing at the top of the staircase next to a grey door. Once he saw that his friend was almost at the top, he opened the door and walked through.

“Oh really? ‘Cause I didn’t see anymore Malte-” his rambling stopped the moment he stepped through the door after Phil. His eyes shut for a moment and then reopened to confirm that what he was seeing wasn’t a dream. He had just walked onto the roof of the building they just climbed. Not only was he now floors above the ground, there were chairs, tables, a bar and a lounge right before his eyes. A few people near them were mingling amongst themselves, but aside from their small presence, there was pretty much nobody else there. The yellow and blue glow from the lights on the bar lit the area well, and the rest of the city lit the edges of the space.

Phil walked up to what appeared to be the hostess and smiled his very classic smile. Dan snuck slowly up beside him suddenly feeling quite underdressed. His skinny jeans and flannel shirt seemed inappropriate next to the women in the little black dress and tightly pulled ponytail.

“Oh hello, Phil. Are you back from Uni?” the women with the ponytail asked.

“Just for spring break,” Phil’s answer seemed much more formal than he usually spoke.

“I’m surprised to see just you here tonight. Are your parents coming to meet you?” she glanced slightly over to Dan but probably decided it was best to just ignore him until Phil mentioned his existence.

“No Lexie, just me and my Uni mate Dan tonight,” he responded, bowing slightly in his friend’s direction. Lexie nodded in agreement as she grabbed two leather bound menus and led them back to what she referred to as the “best seat in the house” and the two sat, enjoying the feeling of the wind as Dan finished catching his breath. The silence only lasted a few more seconds before Dan leaned across the clothed table and furrowed his brow.

“Phil. Start explaining!” Phil looked pretty pleased with himself, clearly having done this on purpose and with the intention of impressing Dan. His arms uncrossed and he let out a happy sigh.

“My parents know the owner of this Skybar. I pretty much get to eat here for free,” his answer was slow and came out like he was embarrassed to have such a connection. “I came here a lot as a kid so everyone sort of knows me.”

“You get to eat here for free?” Dan was shocked, now having glanced at the prices on the menu.

“Well sort of. Everything goes on my parents’ tab, and when the owner and my dad play poker on Sundays, the debt gets covered somehow,” he shrugged and laughed a little at Dans expression. “But you probably had too many sweets today already so you might not be hungry..”

“Well..”

A tall waiter interrupted Dan by appearing before their table and Phil smiled up at the man. He was dressed in all black attire, a collard shirt and tie, with a white cloth draped over his forearm. The man stood perfectly straight and his arm totally still.

“Phillip! What a nice surprise! And who do we have here?” he leaned over towards Dan and extended his large hand. “Craig, nice to meet you.”

“Dan.”

“Well it’s a pleasure to have you, Daniel,” the man whipped out his notebook and scribbled something on the top. “Can I get you gentleman started with a cocktail?”

Dan’s eyes went directly to Phil who seemed to understand his panic.

“Yeah, Craig, if you could just give us two of my usual, that would be delightful,” Phil placed his foot next to Dan’s under the table in an effort to tell him that he had it under control. Dan relaxed a little but was still trying to take in the situation. As the waiter walked away, Phil returned his agape gaze to his friend.

“Dan, relax. It’s just a restaurant,” he tapped his leg against Dan’s again to signal that it was alright.

“What kind of drink did you just order?” Dan changed the subject in an effort to make himself look less uncomfortable.

“Oh I promise you’ll like it. It’s a blackberry mojito. Very _spring break_ ,” he rubbed his hands together and leaned back in his chair. Dan returned his eyes to the menu and couldn’t believe what he was reading. Some of the prices were more than their pancakes at the Diner all year, combined. “Get whatever you want. I promise, it’s okay.”

Dan reluctantly made a choice before Craig came back with their beautiful drinks. He chose the chicken dish because it was the least expensive dish on the small menu he was handed. Phil chose the salmon and asked for some bread for the table. When the waiter walked away to prepare their dishes and fetch their bread, Dan took a sip of the drink he was served. His tastebuds were overwhelmed with flavor and his eyes widened, peering over at his friend who smiled right back.

“I told you,” he gloated, sipping his own and grinning.

“You’re so lucky...” Dan spit out, not meaning to sound like he was envious, but he was. Phil had all this available to him at home. How come Dan had never heard about this before?

“I am. This place is beautiful, isn’t it?” he looked over the side of the glass railing beside them, seeing the whole town beneath them. Dan’s silence was enough confirmation for Phil as he kept talking. “I used to think this was the worst place in the world.”

“What?” Dan sipped his drink and shook his head. “No way.”

“Well, when I was really little, my parents used to take me here and I thought it was so lame. They didn’t even have a kids menu!” Phil chuckled. “They used to make me a peanut butter and jelly every time. I got so sick of them that I stopped eating them altogether.”

Phil’s eyes traveled back to Dan’s who had already made it through half of his drink. It was the best drink he had ever tasted.

“Then I got old enough to realize that the food here was amazing and that I had wasted all those years eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches,” Phil shook his head, looking disappointed in himself. “Now I just feel bad because I made the cook abandon his post to make some bratty little kid a PB&J.”

Dan placed his half empty glass down and smiled at Phil who had barely started his drink.

“Now, I just think of this place as an impressive restaurant to take a date to,” his smirk made his right eye scrunch a little and Dan was glad that he hadn’t had the blackberry liquid in his mouth at the time or he would have surely spit it out. He froze. “Oh my god, Dan. Would you stop flattering yourself! If I had wanted to take you on a date, we would have gone already.”

_Plus Howell, what makes you think you’re even my type?_

Dan swallowed the spit that had been collecting in the back of his throat and exhaled the worry that had shot through his system. He took a large gulp of his drink, sucking the liquid from the bottom and deciding he needed to be more intoxicated than he was.

“Seriously Dan, you get so nervous...it’s almost like you _want_ me to ask you out,” Phil laughed and shook his head, fixing his fringe as he did it. Dan looked over the railing and watched the people below them walk around in the night and enjoy their evenings. Phil changed the subject pretty fast after getting no response from the boy in front of him. Dan was happy that Phil seemed to sense his discomfort and pick up the next topic of his mother’s flowers and their maintenance needs.

He talked about them for a while until the waiter brought them their bread, meals and offered them a refill on their drinks. Dan gladly accepted and Phil followed his lead.

The meals before them made their Diner pancakes look pathetic. The chicken was cooked to perfection and the vegetables served beside it smelled better than any greens he had ever witnessed. They were both silent as they took their first few bites. Phil most definitely understood Dan’s need to take in the flavors of the dish.

The conversation carried on slowly as they made it through their entrees and a couple more drinks. Dan was getting slightly pink in the cheeks as he drank, the effects of the alcohol sneaking up on him. His body wasn’t quite done growing yet so his tolerance was much lower than Phil’s obviously was. Or he was better at hiding it. Dan decided it was former.

Dan was stuffed, but the waiter delivered a dessert that was introduced as “Phil’s favorite” so he sat up and made some room, trying the chocolatey treat that sat before them. As Dan was trying to fit the rich chocolate into his stomach, the waiter came over and asked Phil about University and how his parents were doing. Phil explained that they were gone this week but would return the following week to pay their tab. The waiter seemed more than happy to accommodate but Phil pulled out a considerable amount of money from his wallet and handed it to the man as tip. Dan suddenly felt guilty but he had no money to offer anyway so he remained silent and stuffed his face with cake. The man politely bowed and hurried off into the back and Phil stood, signaling that it was time to leave. It was late now, the stars shining in the sky above them and they still had a ways until they were home. Luckily, Dan was not as drunk as he thought he was and he was able to stand and walk with ease. He just wished that his thoughts were a little clearer.

As they headed down the flight of stairs, Dan was already looking forward to lying down on the couch in Phil’s living room and falling asleep surrounded by their family’s history.

 

-

 

Dan was already yawning when they walked through the front door. He could tell that he was going to be asleep the moment his head hit the pillow. The meal had filled him to the brink and he was suffering the fatigue that followed. Phil collected the sheets and pillows that Dan required and helped him make a little bed on the couch. As he sat down and Phil covered his body with an extra blanket, Dan closed his eyes and sighed slowly. Phil kneeled next to the couch so he was at eye level with his friend.

“If you need anything, let me know, okay? I’m right upstairs,” he said with a soft and nurturing voice. “It gets a little spooky down here sometimes.”

“Phil...” Dan mumbled, barely able to open his mouth. “I’m not eleven.”

“I know,” his knees cracked as he stood and paced over to the light switch. “But I know my house. I just want to make sure.”

“Okay mum,” Dan whined, but Phil’s smile was genuine as he switched off the light.

“Goodnight, Dan,” he whispered, but Dan was already long gone.  



	7. Chapter 7

“Hey!” his body was hit with an object as he was torn away from the dream he was thoroughly enjoying. Something about Hogwarts and some special frogs.

“Ah!” Dan’s flailing almost shoved him off of the couch he was lying on. His eyes shot open and he was confronted with a showered and dressed Phil above him, holding a throw pillow. His obvious weapon of choice.

“Get up! It’s almost ten!” Phil shook the boy below him until he sat up on the couch to rub his eyes and adjust to the light hitting his face.

“This is spring break, don’t I get to sleep in?” Dan’s face scrunched up as he attempted to fix his appearance slightly, Phil sitting on the couch beside him and messing his hair up again by rubbing his hand through it.

“No. Go shower. We have things to do!” Phil slapped his back and pretty much ejected him from his seated position.

Dan stumbled up the stairs and into Phil’s bathroom, which was still pretty muggy from the other boy’s morning routine. He noticed the extra towel on the sink and assumed that was for him. Closing the door, he stripped and stepped into the unfamiliar shower, pulling the curtain across to cover himself. As the water hit his body and woke him up, he couldn’t help but think about how amazing the night before really was. They could end their spring break today and it would have been a success. Dan wasn’t sure what their activities would consist of, but he was excited to find out nonetheless. It was only Saturday and their week had barely begun. His mind wandered a little as he washed away the feeling of exhaustion lingering from the day before. He didn’t notice how long he had been standing in there, but he found out soon enough when there was a loud banging on the door.

“Dan! Don’t tell me you’ve drowned!” Phil’s voice resinated through the wood.

“No, no, I’m fine,” he stammered. “Sorry, just got a little lost.”

“Don’t make me come in there and show you how to shower!” Phil’s voice was laced with humor and Dan rolled his eyes. It was obvious that Phil enjoyed teasing him in this manner.

“That’s not necessary!” Dan shouted back, rinsing the shampoo from his hair and turning the stream off. He stepped out and wrapped the towel around his waist as he opened the door to the bathroom. Phil was standing there with two plates of breakfast. Dan looked at the plate that was beautifully decorated with eggs, bacon and some perfectly toasted bread and then he looked down at himself, wrapped in nothing but a towel.

“You should eat this before it gets cold,” he handed the boy his plate and walked into his bedroom. Dan followed and carefully sat down on the bed in the towel. Phil started to slurp up the things on the plate and Dan picked up the fork and slowly started. Phil watched him in anticipation and then looked slightly confused. “Your hair is curly?”

Dan stopped mid chew and looked up at his forehead, noticing the curl twisting above his eyes.

“Oh, yeah. I normally straighten it,” he responded and picked up a slice of bacon with his fork. “I guess you’ve never seen it like this before.”

“I’ve seen it wavy, but not like this,” Phil smiled with the food in his cheeks. “I quite like it. It’s very cute. You look like a hobbit”

“Thanks?” Dan smiled back and finished up his breakfast. “Thanks for the food.”

He set the plate on the bed and stood up carefully as to not disturb the towel around his waist. Walking over to his suitcase, he picked up a black shirt and a pair of grey jeans. Walking out the door of Phil’s bedroom and back into the bathroom, he changed quickly and traveled back into Phil’s room. This time, Phil wasn’t in there. He peered around the corner but didn’t see any signs of him. Dan skipped over to the stairs and trotted down to the main floor. Sure enough, Phil was rinsing off their breakfast dishes in the sink. Dan hesitated and made his way over to the breakfast bar, sitting and putting his chin in his hands. He watched Phil do the dishes and cocked his head to one side, trying to keep his eyes from closing. He couldn’t remember the last time he got a good night’s sleep.

“So what are we doing today, Mr. Early Riser?” Dan muttered, starting a conversation to keep himself awake.

“Ah!” Phil nudged the handle of the sink with his wrist and turned off the stream. He shook his wet hands on Dan and sprinkled him as he attempted to dry them in the air. “I’m glad you asked!”

Dan was intrigued. Phil really did have an itinerary. Who was he to mess that up?

“We..” Phil walked over to the kitchen table and picked up two bright yellow DVD cases. “..are going to watch both Kill Bill movies. They are my favorite and you haven’t even seen them. I cannot let this spring break go any further until you’ve watched them.”

“Oh no, Phil! If we watch a movie right now I’m gonna fall asleep,” Dan whined. His complaint was met with two icy blue eyes that reflected all of the morning light streaming into the window.

“I know that. Hence why I’ve planned a little outing first!” Phil flashed Dan a cheeky grin and winked a little as he bent down to tie his shoe. Dan rolled his eyes and slid out of the barstool he was sitting upon.

“Where to?” he yawned, trying to make his yawn as loud as possible to emphasize his exhaustion.

“You’ll see,” Phil shimmied on a light jacket as Dan wandered over to the front door to grab his shoes and coat.

“Phil, you’re going to be the death of me,” he mumbled. Phil pretended he couldn’t hear his friend from the hallway, ignoring the comment and humming the spiderman theme song. Following his fast moving friend, he did his best to flatten his curly hair as they left the house. The birds were chirping just a little too loud which he hadn’t been aware he had missed living on the city campus. He found himself admiring the garden in the morning light which was a pleasant surprise to his sleepy eyes. The smell of freshly mowed grass and that special plant aroma flooded his nose. Phil’s long legs placed him paces in front of Dan and when he finally realized that Dan wasn’t right behind him, he froze and turned to watch his younger friend admire the greenery.

“Hey, flower child!” this seemed to snag his attention.

“I am not-”

“You’ll have plenty of time to stop and smell the roses. Right now we are on a tight schedule!” he pointed to his wrist which held no watch as he walked backwards towards the bus stop. Dan groaned and trotted a little to catch up to his friend.

“Why are we rushing? It’s not even eleven yet,” Dan’s whining must have been aggravating to Phil, but he seemed not to mind.

“We have stuff to do!” Phil’s peppiness was not appreciated. “Plus, this outing is for you. So don’t say I never did anything for ya.”

“I don’t even know where we’re going!” Dan crossed his arms and pouted a little. Phil’s smile was genuine as he pat his shorter friend on the back.

“Stop worrying so much. Just relax,” Phil’s energy was going to make him sick.

They got on the bus silently and that’s how they remained for the ten minutes it took to get into the little town. Shortly after they got off of the bus, they turned a corner and it all made sense. Before them was a green building with one of Dan’s favorite symbols. Starbucks. Just the image was enough to give Dan’s heart a jolt of energy.

“Oh my god, Phil,” looking up at his older friend and sighing with relief. “I don’t know what I was expecting but it wasn’t this.”

The cool air from the open door washed over the two boys and rustled their hair. Dan didn’t mind so much considering his hair was already a mess from neglecting to straighten it. They walked in and Dan went straight for the counter. There was no line and barely anyone in the building. It was literally everything Dan could have asked for.

“A grande Caramel Macchiato please,” he ordered as soon as the girl behind the counter gave him eye contact.

“Make that two!” Phil piped in from behind. He pulled out his card without hesitation and reached over to give it to the cashier. Dan slapped his friend’s arm with wide eyes and furrowed eyebrows.

“Phil! You got dinner last night...at least let me do this,” he pulled a wad of pounds from his pocket and placed it gently on the counter. The woman took his payment and smiled at the two boys. They walked towards the two couches in the corner of the cafe.

“Technically, my parents bought dinner last night, not me,” Phil said humbly.

“Still.”

“Still what?”

“Still,” he attempted to fix his fringe. “It’s my turn.”

“Okay. I didn’t realize we were the alternating couple,” his grin was innocent but his words threw Dan off. As usual.

Their drinks were called and Phil rose to grab them from the barista. He gave him a wink - as many people did when Dan was out with Phil - and Phil did what he always did which was politely smile and turn around. He handed Dan his warm drink and settled on his couch with his. It was far too hot to drink yet so he set his on the table next to him. Dan drank from his and watched his friend squint his eyes.

“How are you not scolding your tongue?” Phil asked him with exasperated expression.

“My tongue has adapted to hot things,” he took a sip and after seeing Phil’s facial expression and sly smile, he almost choked. “Beverages! Hot beverages!”

“Mmmhhmm,” Phil rolled his eyes and they sat there drinking their hot coffee until it was time to return to the house.

 

-

 

Returning to the house was no problem, Dan was now plenty awake because of his sugary drink. His eyes no longer felt glossy and as they walked into the house again, Dan was overwhelmed with the scent of honey. Phil kicked off his shoes and Dan followed suit. Plopping down on the couch as Phil ran to grab the DVDs. He crouched over by the DVD player and pressed a few buttons making the TV buzz on.

“How exactly have you gone almost 19 years of your life not seeing these movies?” Phil asked as Dan made himself comfortable in the couch. Dan shrugged a little and laid back.

“I don’t really know,” he admitted. “Never got around to it I suppose.”

“Well, you’re lucky you have a friend like me to force you into these things,” he grabbed the remote and waited for the title menu to pop up. “You’re lucky you have me. Otherwise you’d continue to live under a rock forever.”

“Sure Phil. So lucky,” his eye roll was almost audible.

“I’m gonna go make some popcorn while we wait for the previews to finish,” he stood from his squatting position and padded into the kitchen. Dan sat on the couch watching the advertisements for movies he also hadn't seen and zoned out until his friend came back with a big heaping bowl of popcorn. Dan licked his lips. Phil plopped down directly next to Dan and placed the bowl on both of their legs. Dan looked at him and then at the almost two feet of space on the other side of Phil. Phil saw the look and rolled his eyes. “It’s so we can share the popcorn, you weirdo. Stop looking at me like I just put my penis in your butt.”

“Phil!”

“That’s what you look like! You are looking at me like our shoulders touching is going to get you pregnant,” Phil laughed and shoved his friend a little with said shoulder.

“Sorry I just-”

“Shh shh! It’s starting!” the film began to play and Phil shoveled a few pieces of popcorn into his smiling mouth. Dan could feel him get giddy when the first scene began. It made Dan smile because never had he seen his friend this excited about showing him anything. Although this was a regular thing. Phil would have a favorite show or movie and Dan _had_ to see it. Dan didn’t mind getting the cultural walkthrough from his best friend, but this was different. Phil really liked Kill Bill. He talked about it a lot. He had a poster hanging in his bedroom. It was the first thing that Dan had noticed. Phil had obviously been waiting for this very moment to show him the film. He settled back and leaned into Phil’s shoulder a little, taking a piece of popcorn from the bowl. Phil’s eyes shined from the reflection of the TV and Dan smiled at him, returning his attention to the movie.

 

-

 

Four hours went by in a flash. The two movies had Dan and Phil on the edge of their seats. Even though Phil had seen the movies probably hundreds of times, his reactions somehow remained genuine. Halfway through the first movie, their bowl of popcorn was ejected from their laps and spilled across the floor in front of them when Dan accidentally flinched. Phil laughed and pat his friend’s leg with the intention of letting him know that it was okay and that they could pick it up later. His hand remained there for the duration of the film and when Phil got up to grab a glass of water for the two of them, his hand somehow found it’s way back. Dan didn’t mind. It’s not like he wasn’t used to the contact from his companion.

“Okay Phil, you were right. Quentin Tarantino is a genius,” Dan admitted as he leaned back into the couch, relaxing his thoughts after watching such intense movies.

“I’m telling you. One of the greatest movie series on the planet,” he got up and stretched his arms by throwing them up above his head. Dan found himself eye level with his friend’s bare tummy. He said nothing and just stared. “You want mac and cheese for dinner?”

“Sure, sounds good,” Dan finally broke from his gaze and looked up at his friend who probably noticed his eyes on his belly button considering the smirk that went from ear to ear. Dan shook his head and looked at the floor covered in popcorn. “Do you want me to uh...”

“No, just leave it. I’ll get it later,” he waltzed into the kitchen. “Unless you want to eat it. Then Bon Appétit, Mate!”

“I think I’m good, thanks,” he put his legs up on the couch and yawned, reclining into a laid back position.

“Whatever you say!” Phil hollered back. Dan could hear the sound of pots and pans in the kitchen.

“Hey Phil?” Dan called, closing his eyes.

“Yeah?” Phil popped his head into the living room and saw the position in which his friend had moved into.

“You wanna wake me when the Mac and Cheese is ready?” he asked quietly. “I think I need a little nap.”

Dan opened one eye and caught the smile that was painted on Phil’s face.

“Sure, Dan. It’ll be about 20 minutes,” his smile didn’t leave, in fact it got more genuine and Phil cocked his head as Dan shut his eyes once more.

“Thanks, Phil,” he muttered without moving his mouth. “You’re the best.”

“I know,” Phil said from the door frame. And that was the last thing Dan heard before he drifted into his little nap.

 

-

 

Dan awoke to Phil’s gentle hand latched onto his arm and swaying him back and forth.

“Dan, the mac and cheese has been prepared!” he said enthusiastically and Dan rubbed his eyes as he sat up. In front of him, in his friend’s hand was a bowl of Kraft mac and cheese. Not just that however, there was a leaf sitting on top. He stared at the garnish for a moment.

“Phil.”

“Hm?”

“What is that?” he pointed to the leaf that appeared to have been plucked from a tree outside.

“The garnish!”

“Where did you get it?”

“The bush outside. You seemed to be pretty interested in the greenery this morning, so I figured you’d want one as decor on your meal!” Dan looked at the very proud Phil with concerned eyes.

“You know you can’t just use any plant as a garnish. There are certain plants that you’re supposed to use. Like pea-chutes, or mint, or basil. The edible ones!” he had taken the bowl from his friend and was about to lift the leaf from his dish to place on the side. “Plus, Kraft doesn’t need a garnish. It’s boxed mac and cheese! How fancy does it need to be?”

Phil still looked proud and he rolled his eyes as he sat next to his friend. This time, there was some distance. It almost seemed too far away. Dan found himself missing the contact.

“It improves it!”

“It does not improve it!” Dan dug his fork into the dish and started to shovel it in. He had tucked his knees up to his chest and placed the bowl upon them near his mouth. This way he wouldn’t spill any of his food on the Lester’s furniture and he could eat at record breaking speed.

They finished eating rather quickly and Dan’s stomach was extremely satisfied.

“It’s only six! We still have plenty of time before our scary movie!” Phil said, collecting the bowls as he stood to bring them to the kitchen.

“Scary movie?” Dan inquired.

“Yes. We’re going to watch _The Ring_ tonight. And, I checked the weather! It’s supposed to storm! So this should be really fun!” Phil winked at the boy on the couch and brought the dirty bowls to the other room. Dan gulped. He normally didn’t mind scary movies. In fact, he liked them a lot. During the day. In a house he was familiar with. Not during a storm. “But we must wait until it gets dark! So until then, let’s play some Mario Kart!”

Dan nodded, trying to push the idea of a scary movie out of his head and focus on the game he was most likely going to win. He moved to the floor in front of the old TV and Phil sat down beside him. He handed him a controller and switched the input.

“Let the games begin.”

 

-

 

They played for hours. Neither of the boys really knew what time it was. All they knew was that the sun had set and the room had fallen into darkness. The only light was coming from the kitchen where Phil had forgot to turn the switch. They switched off the console and could suddenly hear the rain that was coming down against the windows outside. Phil smiled darkly and faced Dan. The glow on his face was provided by the static that suddenly appeared on the screen. Dan flinched more than he wanted to and Phil laughed.

“Relax. I turned off the console. Let me just switch the input of the TV,” he said, messing with the remote. He put the DVD into the player as Dan hopped up onto the couch. Phil got up slowly and wandered over to the kitchen.

“Where are you going?”

“To turn off the light. I like to be immersed when I watch scary movies. Is that okay with you?” he chuckled, one hand on the switch and his head sticking out of the door frame.

“Yeah. That’s fine,” Dan swallowed the lump that was forming in his throat and leaned up against the back of the couch. Phil was getting way too much pleasure out of this. The light suddenly went dark and Dan found himself sitting in a dark room, except for the light blue glow of the TV. Phil padded his way across the living room, stepping on the little pieces of popcorn that were lost to the unclean carpet and he sat on the couch with Dan. Dan was secretly slightly disappointed when Phil didn’t sit closer to him. He was honestly a little worried about his reactions.

A loud crack of thunder made Dan’s hair stand on end and Phil chuckled a little. Dan pulled his knees into his chest.

“Dan...we don’t have to watch it,” he said, about to hit play on the remote. Dan shook his head. Phil looked at him with sympathetic eyes and reflected the light blue light from the TV screen. He seemed genuinely concerned.

“No, it’s okay. I just didn’t expect the thunder, that’s all,” he played with the fabric on his jeans and looked into his knees. Phil nodded and turned his head again to the TV.

“Okay. But if you want me to stop it-”

“I’m good Phil,” Dan reassured. He saw Phil shake his head in the corner of his eye but he was too concerned with not shitting his pants that he wasn’t going to fight him. Phil hit the play button on the remote and the movie began. There was no getting out of this now.

Everyone knows the plot of _The Ring_. Dan had heard people talk about the movie and it’s theories. He never bothered to see it because why would you watch something if you already knew the plot? Dan now had his answer. Not only was the movie ten times scarier than the people he had heard the plot from made it sound, it was much more realistic than people made it out to be. Granted, it was a good movie. He might have enjoyed it more had he prepared. Twenty minutes into the movie Dan was already biting his lip and closing his eyes. Phil’s tiny yelps and responsive laughs were nothing compared to Dan’s screams and physical reactions. The lightening outside wasn’t helpful either and it pushed Dan into a little ball on the left side of the couch.

Halfway through the movie, Phil paused it.

“Are you uh...okay, Dan?” he asked, trying not to make it seem like he was challenging his masculinity. He actually wanted to check on his friend who was white as a sheet and had created a death grip on his own knees.

“Y-yeah. This is a good one,” he added, to at least make it seem like he was enjoying it. Phil hesitated a moment but didn’t argue, clicking play to continue the movie. Phil glanced over to Dan when the specifically scary parts came on, making sure he was alright. Towards the end, when Dan could feel the tears blurring his vision, he felt Phil’s hand slip into his. It instantly brought him back to the night before and their lovely meal. This calmed Dan down and he loosened his grip on his own knees. Phil smiled and rubbed his thumb on Dan’s palm and they finished the movie with the elder’s hand extended over to his own.

As the screen faded to black, Phil turned off the TV. Now the room was pitch black. The only light was the light from the lightening that was now happening at a quicker rate. Dan and Phil sat for a moment, holding hands in the darkness. Dan made his best effort not to move. He was trembling ever so slightly and Phil could definitely feel it, yet was choosing not to mention it.

“Well,” Phil abruptly stood and let go of Dan’s trembling fingers. “I think I better head to bed and get some rest. We have to start planning our video tomorrow or this whole Spring break will be a waste!”

Dan’s eyes went wide, but luckily the room was dark enough Phil couldn’t see how horrified he was. Phil shuffled over to the light switch and flipped it on. The dim light by the couch turned on and Dan’s cowardly form was revealed. He had made himself as small as physically possible, hugging his knees to his chest and lowering his chin in-between them. His face was red and a little blotchy, eyelashes wet from the threatening of tears. Phil looked sympathetic as usual but Dan had made it apparent that he didn’t want to be babied. Phil seemed to have acknowledged this and let out a hesitant breath.

“Do you need anything, Dan?” he asked gently as he started up the stairs.

“No, I’m good. Thanks, Phil,” he uncurled himself and found the blanket he had used the night before on the floor next to the couch. “See you tomorrow morning.”

Phil stared at the boy for one more moment while he wrapped the blanket around himself and lied down flat on the couch.

“Want me to turn out the light?”

“No, I got it. I’ll turn it out in a minute,” he responded quickly, curling up a little more. Phil nodded and continued up a few more steps.

“Night, Dan,” he called down, but Dan didn’t answer. He clutched the blanket in front of him and closed his eyes. The light was going to stay on tonight. He didn’t want to admit to Phil that he couldn’t handle a scary movie. He was starting to regret the pride that he was so desperately trying to hold onto. He should have told Phil that he didn’t want to watch the movie. Then he wouldn’t be in this situation right now. He would have killed to have Phil come back down the stairs and grab his hand once more. He shook that thought from his head and tried to think of something else to occupy his train of thought. The scary things kept creeping up however and the only thing that he could find in his mind to distract him were the blue eyes of his best friend, looking into his own.  



	8. Chapter 8

It wasn’t long before Dan was awoken from his light sleep on the couch. The thunder struck for the billionth time and every single crack startled him and drove his brain into a deeper and darker place. This time, he was shaking. Not because he was cold, but because he couldn’t figure out what was real and what was a dream. He shot up in a cold sweat and grabbed his knees glancing over at the clock under the TV. 3:23am. He sighed and threw the blanket off of him. There was no use trying to head back to bed. At this point he was a lost cause. He paced for a moment trying to decide what he wanted to do. The wood of the floor was creaking a little and he didn’t want to wake Phil so he stood by the bottom of the stairs. He looked up at the dark hallway above him and saw no light shining from Phil’s room. He was definitely fast asleep.

Dan walked into the kitchen and got himself a glass of milk, downing it slowly and trying to calm himself down. Phil’s house wasn’t scary. There was nothing to worry about, right? There were no scary videos that would cause him to die in 7 days. Plus, Phil was upstairs. Nothing horrible could happen because Phil was there. Right?

Soon Dan realized that the milk and the quiet pep talk wasn’t gonna work. He sighed a breath of defeat. He was going to have to give up on his illusion to both himself and Phil. He hesitated for one more moment and then moved himself slowly to the staircase. Looking up into the dark hallway above him he moved faster up the stairs. His trembling had not subsided and he was starting to worry about how hard his heart was beating. He was not only upset at himself for being a wuss but he felt bad because now he was about to wake up his best friend, who didn’t deserve to be dragged into his own problems. Dan had lied to his face about his strength and now he was crawling back to him with his tail between his legs. He stopped in front of his friend’s door and was going to knock but held his hand as it hovered an inch above the wood. He looked closely at the door and realized that it wasn’t actually closed. There was a thin strip of space between the door panel and the frame allowing a little bit of light to shine from inside the room. A nightlight. Phil didn’t sleep in the dark either. As the frequent flashes of lightning escaped into the hallway from the windows inside the room, he let his brain take over his thoughts and slid his hand down the panel on the door, pushing it open slowly. There was a small creak in the hinge, but it didn’t seem loud enough to wake Phil.

Lying under the blue and green duvet in front of him was his sleeping friend. Breathing silently and peacefully. Dan felt a little invasive standing in the doorway watching his friend sleep but he could already feel his heart rate subsiding in his chest and he let the breath that he was holding out into the small room. He watched Phil for a moment making sure he didn’t wake him while he entered and then he looked at his feet and the ground below him. Maybe he didn’t have to wake Phil at all. Maybe all he needed to calm down was to be in the same room as another person. The living room was dark and lonely but with the presence of another being he felt much calmer. Without giving it much thought he crept into the room and closed the door to where it was before, kneeling onto the ground next to the bed. Silently so that Phil wouldn’t wake up, he lied down on his side and curled into a little ball. He could hear his heart beat in his ears, taking a few deep breaths and closing his eyes so it would slow. He couldn’t put the feeling of comfort into words but his eyes began to get heavy and he could sense that he might be able to fall asleep. He let out one more deep breath and he let his eyes shut.

“Do you want a blanket?” he heard a groggy voice above him ask. Dan jumped a little but it took only a second for him to realize it was Phil.

“N-no, I’m good. Thanks,” Dan didn’t want to burden his friend which he already seemed to have done by waking him. He didn’t detect any annoyance in Phil’s voice so he assumed that he was fine with the idea of a sleeping boy on his floor. He heard Phil shift, the bed creaked a little and then Phil pat the mattress next to him.

“Come up here,” his voice was muffled by a pillow.

“No it’s okay, I’m okay h-”

“Dan.”

There was a silence, a hesitation and then Dan slowly moved himself up to the other boy’s bed. He crawled under the covers as slow as possible and settled himself on the opposite edge of the mattress. He curled up as much as he could and faced the direction opposite of Phil.

“You should have told me you were frightened,” Phil spoke into the pillow. Dan’s hand gripped the duvet near his chest. “I would have offered to share a room.”

“I didn’t want to inconvenience you,” Dan mumbled, his voice less shaky than it had been only two minutes before. He heard Phil shift a little and lift his head from the pillow.

“Dan..” Phil started a sentence but it trailed off into a sleepy mumble. Dan could already hear what he was going to say. Something about them being friends and how he didn’t need to lie to him. Dan’s mouth turned into a slight smile before he closed his eyes once more. He drifted into a sleep that contained no creepy things whatsoever, comforted by the man breathing softly beside him.

 

-

 

The light streamed in through the window and onto the boys’ faces. Phil must have been used to the feeling of the hot sun, but the moment the light touched one of Dan’s eyes it fluttered open. He looked over at the sleeping boy next to him and couldn’t help but smile. His mouth was open slightly and he was breathing pretty heavily. He decided he didn’t want to wake him, so he slid out of the bed and out of the room with a handful of clean clothes. He spent his shower in silence and swayed back and forth in the stream of water. He thought about how scared he got the night before and blushed just thinking about how stubborn he had been. Dan was starting to hate his stubborn personality that he had somehow acquired throughout the years. It was most likely some sort of defense mechanism but Phil seemed determined to break it.

His shower didn’t last very long in fear that Phil would be waiting and he headed downstairs. He was shocked to find out that Phil was still asleep so Dan pulled out a pan and some eggs. He figured he might as well make breakfast for Phil like he had the previous morning.

After completing some shitty eggs and making some burnt toast, he plated his little dish and walked them up the stairs. He walked into the bedroom and chuckled a little when he realized that Phil had not moved a single bit since Dan had left the room. He sat on the side of the bed and poked the older boy.

“Phil..”

“Mmm..” Phil mumbled at Dan. Dan’s smile didn’t fade from his face as Phil’s eyes opened slowly.

“I uh...made breakfast,” he said softly. Phil took a moment but his eyes finally twitched open.

“You what?” he said groggily.

“I made some eggs,” Dan said again, he looked at the two plates. “The toast is kind of burnt but if you just break off the edges, I think it should taste okay.”

“No Dan, thank you. This is fine,” He sat up and displayed his wrecked hair from the pillow he was laying on moments before. Dan kind of chuckled and pointed.

“ _That’s_ a good look on you,” he winked a little. Phil reached over and grabbed his glasses, putting them on. They sat crooked upon his sleepy face.

“Oh yeah?” Phil tried to flatten his hair a little with his left hand as he grabbed the food from his friend. “You know what’s a good look on _you_?”

“Hm?” Dan cut apart his eggs with his fork, letting the yolk spread onto his toast.

“Coming into my room in the middle of the night because you were scared,” Phil spoke the words with a mouth full of crunchy bread. Dan’s eyes went dark and he glared at his friend. Phil was teasing, Dan knew that, so he elbowed his friend in the side.

“Shut up,” he mumbled, looking down at his plate. The color in his face was returning and Phil reached out and touched his shoulder.

“It really was pretty cute of you,” Phil winked at Dan and their eyes met. “I really am sorry. I should have known to ask if you needed company last night. You were pretty shaken up about the film.”

“That’s okay. I shouldn’t be such a wuss..” he kept his eyes on Phil’s cool ones and shoveled some more egg in his starving mouth.

“I hope you slept well,” Phil said with a chipper tone.

“Yeah, your bed is really comfortable,” he looked down at the blankets and rubbed the area next to him. “You lucky duck.”

“Hey! I’ve slept many nights on that couch. It’s pretty comfortable too!” he forked the rest of the eggs into his mouth and nodded, getting up from under the covers. Dan looked down and immediately regretted it. Phil was wearing only his boxers and Dan almost choked. Phil laughed and grabbed his towel noticing Dan’s reaction. “You didn’t think I slept with actual pajama pants, did you?”

“No I just...”

“Slept in the same bed as a half naked man?” he laughed and waltzed out of the room. Dan sighed and collected the plates putting them on the floor next to the bed. He leaned onto the pillow and took a deep breath. He could smell the essence of Phil on the pillow beside him. As he lied there listening to the water running in the bathroom, he turned his head and located the blue box from the day before. He smiled and sat up quickly. His head felt a little dizzy but he reached for the box and opened it up. He never did finish going through all the contents inside. He fished through and found his Maltesers pulling them out of the box and examining the rest of the items. There were some licorices and some peppermints. Little cans of soup and popcorn bags. Everything that a student in college could ask for during a week at home. He fished all the way to the bottom after grabbing a single Malteser and putting it into his mouth but stopped when he got a glimpse of what lied at the bottom of the box. Lying underneath it all were seven little purple packages. He was curious so he picked one up and fiddled with it for a moment before realizing what it was. Dropping it immediately, he pushed the box away from him. What were those in there for? Didn’t Phil’s mum know it was _Dan_ that came to spend the week with him? Why would she include these in their treat box? Did Phil know they were in there?

“Why do you look so horrified?” Phil stood in the doorway holding the towel against his waist. Dan jumped a little and Phil glanced down at the blue box open on the bed. Phil’s face went red followed by his entire body. He said nothing. He must have understood why Dan was so shocked.

Phil walked over to the bed and kept his eyes locked on Dan’s as he grabbed the box, obviously trying to figure out what to say to his friend who for some reason had continued to eat more little chocolate balls, despite having discovered seven condoms lying in the bottom of their spring break treat box.

“Uh...” Phil started, dropping the box onto the ground where it was before. “My mom..”

Dan looked at Phil as he stood and looked at the ground. He was struggling and at this point was entirely red. Him dressed in only a towel didn’t help his case.

“She just wants to make sure I’m being safe..” he stumbled over his words and sighed. “I guess she’s just trying to cover all bases.”

“Does your mum think that we’re dating?” Dan asked quietly. He was trying not to lose his cool. He had done that far too many times during this friendship. This time, he was determined to listen.

“No no. She knows we’re just friends. I guess she just assumed...” Phil trailed off.

“Assumed what?” Dan asked, nervously playing with the sheets beneath him.

“I don’t know. It’s my mom. She does weird things sometimes. The last time I was in a relationship over spring break she didn’t want to leave because she was afraid that...” Phil looked up at Dan and shook his head, his pink cheeks begging for Dan to understand without him needing to carry on. Dan figured that he wasn’t going to get the full story but he decided after a few moments of thought that this couldn’t have been Phil’s fault. He knew how _his_ parents were. Although it made Dan shudder a little that Phil’s parents could think something like that was happening between them, he soon let out a breath and let it go. The silence carried on for a moment and Dan got up to grab the plates from the ground.

“Here, I’ll go wash these. You can change,” he smiled as he passed Phil while walking into the hallway and down the stairs. He actually heard the sigh of relief leave his friend as he walked down the stairs. He was silently really proud of himself because if this had happened a few weeks ago, he would have been relatively freaked. He trusted Phil much more than he had when they first met and Dan smiled as he repressed their first fight hoping nothing like that would happen again because of Dan’s stupidity and misunderstanding.

 

-

 

The day went by slowly. When Phil finished changing he came downstairs and they played a few rounds of Mario Kart. Phil expressed that they were going to need to get some more groceries for the rest of the week so they traveled to the grocery store in town to grab food for their meals. Their cart was filled with mostly frozen pizza and ready-made food because they both decided they were too lazy to _actually_ cook.

As they were putting away their groceries they fought about whether they wanted pizza or lasagna for dinner, finally settling for the lasagna because they hadn’t had it in “forever”. As they played Mario Kart into the night and feasted on their frozen meals, they talked about the video they were going to make this week and what they wanted to do. They finally made the decision to do a Q&A video and were going to come up with some questions to ask while filming. Other than the simple plan, it was a really relaxing afternoon and when they finally decided to go to bed, Dan was content with the couch. He snuggled up into the pillow and turned out the light with no fear lingering from the night before. Phil walked up the stairs smiling and nodding at the younger one’s body tightly wrapped in his family’s blanket.

“You’ll be okay tonight, yeah?” Phil said with a whisper after making it up the first step.

“Yes, Phil, I’m fine,” he smiled and curled up even more.

“Goodnight then.”

“Yeah, goodnight Phil,” he mumbled into his hands. Sleep came easy as he thought about their Mario Kart games and lazy afternoon sat in front of the TV.

 

-

 

Dan’s eyes opened slowly to the sound of someone yelling.

“No, I didn’t say that! What is wrong with you?” Dan heard the voice coming from the kitchen knowing that it must have been Phil. He had never heard Phil yell before and it was alarming to hear something so rash come from such a nice man. He kept his head against the pillow and tried to hear what was happening in the conversation that Phil was clearly having on the phone.

“I never said any of that! How dare y-”

The person on the other end must have been giving him a hard time.

“I can’t believe you.”

“Me? How _dare_ you blame me!” Phil’s voice elevated. “Alex! I don’t want anything to do with-”

“Trust?! I don’t trust you at all after what you did to me!”

“What do you mean that _wasn’t you_?? Pretty sure it was your face I saw when-”

“No!”

“Alex, I have things I need to be doing. I’m spending my spring break with someone who _isn’t_ an asshole! So if that’s everything-”

“You’re a fucking douchebag, you know that?”

“Uh huh, okay. I better not hear from you again. I’m done.”

Phil’s voice sounded shaky now and Dan could hear the sound of Phil’s feet crossing the kitchen floor for the hundredth time in what only seemed like minutes.

“Done. Okay, Alex. Done.” Phil almost cried into the phone. The pacing came to a stop and Dan heard the sound of plastic hitting the counter. The phone call was over as well as possibly the phone itself. He heard the slight sound of sniffles coming from the other boy.

Suddenly, the footsteps started up again, this time nearing the direction Dan was lying. He quickly closed his eyes and pretended to be sound asleep, not wanting Phil to think that he was eavesdropping on the conversation. He heard Phil enter the room and hesitate in front of Dan’s still form before running up to his bedroom and shutting the door with force. Dan lifted his head after he was sure Phil wasn’t coming back down and sat up slowly. He didn’t like the sound of anything he just heard. Who had Phil been talking to? What were they arguing about?

Dan decided that Phil was too good of a person - too good of a friend - to leave alone after a situation like that. Phil wouldn’t leave Dan alone after a fight like that. He rubbed his eyes a little to remove the crusts, fixed the inevitable bed-head that he must have been sporting and tip-toed across the floor to the staircase. He climbed the stairs thinking of all the possible things he could say to his friend after something like that, but he blanked and reached the door to the room Phil had shut himself in. Taking a deep breath and preparing himself to breach all possible comfort zones, he spoke softly.

“Phil?” Dan asked through the wood, knocking with as little force as possible. The silence on the other side of the door suggested that Phil was not expecting to be bothered and maybe the assumption that Dan had been fast asleep. Just as he was rethinking his decision of comforting his friend, he heard a muffled noise on the other side.

“One second, Dan,” Phil’s voice sounded strained. As if he was trying really hard to seem okay. The sound of shifting around and some last minute sniffs could be heard before the door creaked open. Dan looked up at the man standing before him through the crack of the door. His eyes were especially blue because of the red surrounding them and he had never seen his friend so sad. His face was blotchy and his hair had fallen flat against his forehead. His usual smile had dropped far from his quivering lips. “You okay?”

Phil was asking _him_ that? Dan watched Phil wipe his nose with the sleeve of his yellow sweatshirt and open the door slightly more when he saw the younger one standing in awe. He looked so small then. What in the world could have happened to him to make him fall apart so drastically?

“I uh...wanted to make sure _you_ were okay,” Dan stated softly. The sudden realization that Dan had overheard his phone call hit Phil and his eyes widened slightly. He obviously looked like he was trying to be strong and keep himself together for his guest. Dan looked to the floor, instantly feeling ashamed that he had eavesdropped and even more regretful that he came up to check on his friend who probably just wanted to be alone. To be fair, his brain reminded him, his ‘bedroom’ was just one room over from the kitchen.

“You heard that, huh?” Phil looked defeated as he turned around and sat on his bed, pushing the door wide open in the process. He moved his toes within his socks against the wood of the floor. Dan hesitated and then assumed that it was alright to enter the room. He went and sat next to Phil on the unmade bed. Their thighs were touching and Dan hoped the physical contact might help his friend feel better. “I don’t normally get all...worked up about things. I’ll get over it. Just a moment of weakness is all.”

“Do you want to...um,” Dan was never very good at comforting people. He knew Phil was lying to him about being okay. It was true that Phil generally kept it together. All the more reason this was a serious matter. “..talk about it?”

Phil sniffed again and sighed a long and terrifying sigh. It hurt Dan to hear his lungs exhale such a noise.

“Not particularly,” he said to his lap. Dan nodded and pursed his lips. Well.

“Want to tell me who that was?” Dan asked out of mostly curiosity. Pushing gently and hoping he wasn’t breaking any rules of comfort. Not that he knew any of them anyway.

Phil’s silence extended much longer than Dan expected. In fact, Dan had given up on his answer and at this point felt quite awkward to be there invading his friend’s personal space. He probably shouldn’t have gone up to check on him. He took a deep breath and started to stand when Phil finally spoke.

“Alex. His name is Alex,” Phil mumbled. Dan looked at Phil’s fingers which were playing with the strings of the hoodie against his chest. He was silent. “He’s my ex boyfriend.”

Dan’s face stayed relatively flat but his mind was whirring. Phil had never really ‘come out’ to Dan before, not officially anyway. Phil had mentioned that he liked boys, but he had never said he had dated one. They never really talked about it. Phil’s past was a mystery to Dan. The older male was always the one to ask the questions and he only shared when he felt like it was relevant to do so. Suddenly Dan remembered Phil’s question about types and how Dan wasn’t his type. Was Alex more his type? Clearly not if he had hurt him like this. Dan felt bad for not knowing more about the guy to at least understand what was happening. Was there a certain way you’re supposed to react when you are told that your best friend was gay? What was the protocol? His shocked expression probably wasn’t part of it. He shut his mouth.

It was clear that his silence wasn’t coming off as supportive so he tried to break the tension with information about _his_ past. Most of the time when Phil asked him something personal and Dan responded with details, the other boy would tell him a story about his past in exchange. Most likely to reward Dan for sharing. He figured this could be like that. He’d give it a shot anyway.

“I dated this girl once. She wasn’t very nice either,” Dan gave his friend a half smile. Phil looked into his lap, it was likely he had no idea where this was coming from. He seemed nervous, his legs jittering and his hands slowly rubbing his thighs up and down. Dan took a deep breath and continued talking. “She broke up with me because I didn’t comment on her MySpace picture. Can you believe that?”

Phil smiled a little and Dan decided that this could work. He had to go deeper.

“She told all my friends that I was terrible in bed,” Dan laughed at his own misfortune, trying his hardest to make it less awkward. “Funny thing was, we never made it past second base.”

Phil’s slight smile got a little bigger.

“Yeah, and when I tried to tell my friends she was lying, she called me a slut in front of the Headmaster of the school. The words _I had your dick in my hand, you man-whore_ actually left her mouth. Good timing for a visit from the principal, huh?” Dan’s cheeks flushed red and hoped that this embarrassing story wasn’t all for nothing. “Turns out it’s possible to get detention for _not_ sleeping with someone.”

Phil snorted. Success.

“Yeah I know. Laugh it up. My sexual reputation suffered because of her. Too bad that was year ten. I held on to that reputation for a while,” he chuckled to himself, finally making eye contact with his now snickering friend. “I don’t know what exactly Alex did, but at least it wasn’t in front of your Principal.”

Dan smiled at Phil who’s eyes looked as if they were made of glass. The pools of water sitting on his lower lashes made Dan frown though. Eyes that normally held so much sunshine seemed cloudy. He wasn’t sure what prompted him to do it, but he reached out and pushed the hair from Phil’s forehead. He balled up a part of his friend’s sheets and brought them up to Phil’s face, dabbing the tears from his cheeks and wiping his eyes. His hand dropped and Dan smiled.

“Don’t cry, Phil,” he couldn’t request much else for he wasn’t sure what it was Alex did to hurt him, but he selfishly didn’t want to see his friend in so much pain. “Please?”

Phil sniffed a couple more times and he sighed rather quietly. Dan pushed his leg up to Phil’s and pat his with his right hand. This wasn’t so bad. Maybe he wasn’t terrible at this after all.

“You know. When I went home after school that day, I felt pretty crap. You know what I did to cheer myself up?”

“Hm?” Phil croaked, his trembling voice barely audible.

“I watched Disney movies like some sort of twat,” as he admitted it, his cheeks must have been rosy, not realizing how embarrassing it was until it was said out loud. “You’d be surprised. It really does help. There’s something about little mice that fix dresses and adorable talking plates that make the pain go away.”

Phil finally gave a genuine smile, looking at Dan with the most appreciating face. Dan felt pretty good about himself, somehow managing to calm down his friend whom he had never seen even the slightest bit shaken before. His shoulders relaxed and he stopped holding his breath. He finally felt like he was giving back to the friend who had changed his life so much.

“I saw that you have a couple Disney movies downstairs. I know you have a master plan or whatever, but maybe we can just relax and watch some of those today? Yeah?” he lifted his hand and rubbed Phil’s back slowly. Phil leaned back into the touch and he wiped a few more pools of water with his already soaking yellow sleeve. He took a deep breath and nodded.

“As long as we can start with Bambi,” he said sheepishly. Dan bit his lip and nodded, fighting the urge to whimper in response. Has his best friend ever said anything cuter? Phil was suddenly not a 22 year old college kid, he was a small child that had seen something he shouldn’t have.

“Anything you want, Phil,” he stood and held out his hand to help him get to his feet. Phil stood and was now looking down at his companion. He smiled and pulled the other into a hug that Dan didn’t expect. He wasn’t upset, however it felt much better knowing that his friend wasn’t falling apart and Dan didn’t need to try so hard to put him back together. Dan only hoped that Phil would feel better soon.

They made their way downstairs and each had a bowl of cereal for breakfast. They sat in silence and Dan watched Phil to make sure he was doing okay. He had washed his face and was drinking a cup of coffee. He already looked a thousand times happier than he was before. Alex seemed to have nearly escaped his mind. Dan was glad about that, however he was sightly curious about what had happened. It seemed very complicated and he didn’t want to bring the whole thing up again if Phil wasn’t willing to talk about it. It might just have to be for another time. He kept his curiosity to himself and watched his friend eat his cereal, making sure he was 100% there for him if he needed it.

 

-

 

Their Disney marathon lasted the entire day. They watched Bambi, Fantasia and Aladdin. Their minds were filled with fairytales and for some reason, it was exactly what Dan needed as well. It had been forever since he had sat down and forgot about the real world and secretly, Disney was one of his favorite escapes. The beautiful worlds were something he could get lost in, much like the hundred acre wood he so dearly loved as a child.

Phil seemed to be enjoying the marathon as well. He was acting much more like himself. They laughed and told jokes about the characters when they felt it was necessary. Phil even did his so called, “award winning” Jafar impression. Halfway through the second movie Dan had got up and made them both some glasses of chocolate milk and they sipped them slowly as they enjoyed the dancing animals and beautiful music. There was however still something off about Phil. His mind wasn’t completely on the films and every now and then when Dan looked over to crack a joke, Phil looked lost in thought once again and on the verge of possible tears. This was when Dan scooted a little closer and found something to poke fun at and distract and occupy his friend’s mind. Dan’s brain was working in overtime trying to think of good material fast enough. He seemed to be doing okay though, seeing that Phil remained tearless and smiling throughout.

When all the movies were over and it was just about dinner time - a frozen pizza with four cheeses - Phil turned off the TV and leaned back into the couch staring at Dan. How had it become so late? They were waiting for the pizza to finish cooking and Dan was playing with the strings on his hoodie. When he realized that Phil was staring at him, he looked up and stared right back quizzically.

“What?”

“Nothing. I just...” Phil looked like he was fighting to figure out the right thing to say. “Thanks for this today. You know...tolerating me or whatever.”

“Oh yeah, of course. No problem,” Dan wasn’t sure why he was being thanked. All he did was tell an embarrassing story about himself and it seemed to have fixed the issue. There wasn’t much of a heroic act in that.

“I have to apologize for taking that call so close within earshot. I didn’t mean for you to hear,” Phil was now the one looking into his lap. He picked at a hangnail and then returned his gaze to Dan. “I don’t normally yell. I just..”

“I get it,” Dan said, trying to reassure Phil that he didn’t have to explain. Dan had dealt with his fair share of people who required a specific reaction before. You can’t always control it. “He probably deserved it.”

“Yeah..” Phil looked as if he was debating on telling Dan the backstory but Dan didn’t want to push too hard. He wasn’t sure how comfortable Phil was telling Dan his history with relationships. Judging by the way he reacted to the phone call, he didn’t seem super comfortable with the entire situation. This kind of thing honestly never came up. Here and there they would mention a person of their past but they never labeled anyone and for the most part it was never imperative to their friendship that the other knew about their pasts. Dan hadn’t been in a relationship since the unfortunate incident with the Principal and the girl was his first serious girlfriend anyway. There wasn’t much to tell. Phil however had much more life experience than Dan. Dan knew this. He has always been intrigued about Phil’s past relationships but it seemed unfair to get to know the information if he had nothing to offer his friend in return. Instead, they avoided the subject. This was entirely new territory for the both of them.

“Phil?” his voice was like a toe dipping into cold water. He was hesitant but he decided it was for the best of both of them if he just jumped in.

“Yeah?”

“What did Alex do to you?” Dan plunged. If Phil had another negative reaction, Dan would do his best again to calm him down once more. He felt the need to help his friend talk it out. It was the least he could do as his house guest.

Phil’s silence was expected and Dan gave him some time to collect his words and think about delivery. He patiently played with his hoodie strings and waited for Phil to speak up. These things took time. Fortunately, Phil decided he could share and Dan relaxed his shoulders when the words left his mouth.

“I dated Alex for two years,” Phil started, nodding along with his slow words and clearly trying his hardest to keep himself composed. “We uh...met online. He also does the Youtube thing.”

This came as a shock to Dan. He didn’t think much of any other Youtubers. He just knew Phil and the kinds of videos he made. He tried to imagine another person doing what he did and it was hard. Phil was special. Dan made a mental note to avoid this guy’s videos in the future. He didn’t want to give views to someone who hurt his best friend the way that he apparently did.

“My parents had always been really supportive about me dating...guys. They were fine with me dating whoever I wanted, but they weren’t thrilled that I met a guy _online_. When they found out about Alex they were really worried he might be...dangerous,” Dan’s mind went to the condoms that were in their gift box. Dan wondered if perhaps those were to protect Phil from strangers like Alex. Phil eased his muscles some more as Phil’s words came out faster now. Dan hoped he had the ability to calm Phil, much like Phil could calm Dan just by being there. “It went pretty well for a year or so. But then..”

Phil paused and bit his lip. Dan watched Phil’s face, visually able to see his friend strain and try to repress something. This worried Dan. He wondered if even he wanted to hear what happened to his friend.

“..but then I caught him cheating on me with someone else,” Phil let out quickly as if he didn’t even want to be speaking the words.

Dan couldn’t keep the shock from washing over his face. It was clear that he was surprised. He knew these things happened and people cheated on other people, but this was _Phil._ Sweet and innocent Phil who could never hurt another human being even if he tried. Dan’s disbelief was obvious and Phil shifted uncomfortably. He seemed to be contemplating more.

“When I told him that I wanted to end things..” Phil’s voice was now barely audible. The words came out as soft breaths and Dan held his. “He wasn’t super thrilled about it. He said it was _my_ fault and that it was _I_ that forced him into cheating. I wasn’t giving him enough.”

Dan had to fight himself not to object to these statements out loud. He might not be the most confident person on the planet but it is absolutely not okay for any person to demand anything from another human being. He tried to hold his tongue for now and listen but his fists were clenching, hoping he’d never run into this guy Alex. Phil looked like he would break any moment and Dan held himself together just in case. He only let one question escape his throat, unable to contain it.

“Enough of what?” the look that Phil gave him answered the question for him exactly as Dan hoped it wouldn’t. His blue eyes pierced into Dan’s heart and somehow shattered it. Even Dan was fighting the tears that were threatening to prickle his eyes.

“He told me I wasn’t good enough for him and that he had to go elsewhere to get what he needed. And when I tried to stand my ground and tell him that he needed to leave and that he wasn’t welcome in my life anymore..” Phil’s breath hitched and Dan suddenly understood the urge to harm another human being. He had never felt so enraged about something in his entire life. Not even his ex-girlfriend was this horrible. Dan waited for what he dreaded to come, the end of this terrible story. “He didn’t take no for an answer...and he told me he would show me what I was going to be missing. So he um...took advantage-”

“Stop.” Dan watched his friend on the brink of a meltdown and halted him from finishing the sentence. Dan didn’t need to hear anymore. How _dare_ someone take advantage of his friend. Phil didn’t deserve that. Dan’s face quickly went from shock to anger. His eyes were still stinging and as he gazed into Phil’s, whom had broken halfway through his last full sentence, he unclenched his fists. His anger would have to wait. His expression changed from angry to concerned and he reached out to gab Phil’s hand. He didn’t usually initiate these things, but it seemed inappropriate not to. Phil hung his head and tried to get the tears to stop rolling from his cheeks as he clutched Dan’s hand. Dan wasn’t sure if he was embarrassed to cry in front of Dan or if he was ashamed. He was hoping it wasn’t the latter.

“Why did he call you this morning?” Dan asked trying to get the conversation off of what he just visualized, infuriated that this man had the balls to even attempt contact with Phil. Phil’s face turned down and he sighed as if he was ashamed of himself and his actions.

“He told me he missed me. He wanted a second chance,” Phil looked at the wall behind Dan and his eyes seemed lost as he remembered the phone call. “I just didn’t want to hear his voice again, that’s all. I had forgot what he had done to me.”

Dan couldn’t say anything for a few minutes. He could imagine how difficult it would be to shake the memories of someone hurting you so badly. He was thinking about Phil with another guy, Alex, laughing and visiting the Skybar together. Alex gaining his trust just to smash it into a million pieces. Someone like Phil who only had good intentions. He would be lying if he said that he liked the thought of Phil with another man. Phil was one of the best things that had ever happened to Dan and he was appalled that someone would give him up so easily for a another human being and proceed to mistreat the wonder that was his best friend. These thoughts concerned him a little and he shook his head to rid them. He looked back up at Phil who seemed to be on the verge of breaking down.

“Phil?”

Phil’s eyes met Dan’s.

“You don’t need to worry about him anymore. He doesn’t matter,” Dan smiled as he followed his comforting statement with a half joke. “I know I’m no prize winning trophy wife and I’m only your friend but I could never ever do something like that to you. It’s just not possible. Not you, Phil.”

The light humor made Phil laugh and he nodded with a smile.

“You know, one day, you will be a trophy wife,” Phil responded, laughing between each word. “Whomever holds you on his arm is gonna be a lucky man.”

“Whatever you say, Phil,” Dan rolled his eyes at Phil. Of course he took the trophy wife element out of his heartfelt statement. Dan ignored the comment about him with another guy. As long as it made the tears fade, Dan couldn’t care less.

“You better practice walking in heels, Dan,” Phil chuckled and nudged his friend with his elbow.

Dan laughed and nodded, assuring Phil that if he ever needed that pair of heels that he’d let him know. They joked around for a few more minutes trying to lighten the subject and as soon as the pizza was ready, they devoured every last bite.

Overall, they decided that they would finish their day with The Lady and the Tramp. They sank into the sofa together and watched the movie as the night fell upon them. The love story made them feel less pained, but neither would admit it. Both boys were sleepy and Dan found himself nodding in and out of consciousness. Their plan for the next day was to shoot their video first thing in the morning so they needed their rest. The credits rolled and Phil sat up slowly.

“Dan?” Phil nudged his sleepy friend with his elbow. he spoke so softly and Dan could barely hear him. “I’m sorry I ruined one of our spring break days..”

“No no, Phil. It’s okay. You didn’t ruin anything!” he smiled sleepily and sat up a little. It was important that Phil knew that. He placed his hand lazily on Phil’s arm for a moment. Dan was ready to collapse but he stayed awake for Phil. “This day was perfect.”

“Hey Dan?” Phil started. His eyes no longer seemed full of sad, but they resinated a look of worry that made Dan uneasy. He hoped that their conversation didn’t damage Phil in any way. “Could you do me a favor?”

“Yeah, what’s up?”

“Would you mind...” Phil seemed nervous now and Dan wasn’t sure he liked the sound of his best friend’s hesitation. “..could you maybe sleep in my bed with me tonight?”

Dan’s heart broke all over again.

“Sure Phil,” Dan was honestly shocked by the request. He had zero problem complying and totally understood where his friend was coming from.

“I know I sound like a loser but I just don’t want to be alone tonight..” he spoke in just over a whisper. Dan couldn’t help but feel his heart sink into his stomach. The sudden realization that if Dan hadn’t come home with Phil over spring break, he would have had to sleep in this empty house all by himself. After a phone call like that? The thought made the younger boy wince. “If not, it’s cool, I just-”

“Yes! Of course, Phil!” he jumped to cut him off, this time with more enthusiasm, wanting his friend to feel safe and content. He didn’t want him to feel bad about asking. Memories of a couple nights before flashed in Dan’s brain like the lightning from that night. There was no way he was going to leave his friend to be feeling lost and alone. Not this week. “Don’t worry. It’ll be fun! Like a sleepover!”

Phil’s smile was worth the agreement. He looked genuinely pleased and far less sheepish than he had moments ago. Dan stepped a little closer and grabbed his arm.

“One condition,” Dan spoke with a grin, looking the boy up and down. “You keep your pants on. I’m not sleeping in a bed with a half naked man.”

Phil laughed when Dan winked at him and he slapped his hand off of his arm.

“You ruin all of the fun,” Phil stuck his tongue out at Dan and rolled his eyes.

“We aren’t married! We’re already breaking the rules by sleeping in the same bed. Next thing you know, we’re gonna stop going to church too!” Dan joked as he turned to waltz up the stairs.

“Dan!” Phil shook his head and followed him up to the bedroom. The tone was much lighter now and Dan could feel his heart beating at a normal speed. Fast, as usual when he was with Phil, but normal.

 

They changed into their pajamas and climbed into the bed together, their bodies keeping the sheets nice and toasty. They faced each other and argued about their favorite Pokemon from each generation for what felt like an hour. Dan enjoyed the conversation until the sleep hit Phil hard. Dan drifted to sleep after Phil, making sure his friend made it to bed before he did - just in case. Watching the older boy’s chest lift up and down in his slumber made Dan smile. Hoping that the other boy was finally free of the thoughts of that afternoon, he drifted to sleep thinking about the video they were going to make the next morning and how excited he had become to be a part of Phil’s passion. It made him happy that he wanted to share it with Dan. Smiling about the possibilities, he fell asleep with his leg resting against his friend’s in one last attempt to comfort him that night.


	9. Chapter 9

Waking up with another human beside him was never something Dan Howell would feel used to. He rolled over as he usually did and was confronted with another face that wasn’t his own reflection. He only jumped a little this time and he shut his eyes again to help block the sun. He didn’t feel like moving this morning. He was still exhausted from everything that had happened the night before. Phil was still fast asleep so he figured he had some time to lie there and process it all. He wasn’t sure what time it was, but it didn’t really seem to matter. The sun was up, he had nowhere to be and he was lying in bed. Granted it wasn’t his bed he was lying in, but that didn’t concern him. Dan Howell was happy to be awake. And wasn’t that a strange thing to notice?

The boy next to him grumbled a little in his sleep as he lost some of his covers to Dan’s shifting. Dan repositioned himself and gave some of the covers back to his friend, draping them over his seemingly lifeless body. As he turned to face the sleeping boy, he took the time to really look at his friend. His long black hair draped over his face, long enough that it barely showed the bottom of his ears and his face seemed to melt into the blue pillow beneath him. His eyes, definitely Phil’s best feature, were closed leaving tiny dark lashes resting above his pale cheeks. His nose was flaring ever so slightly as he breathed slowly through it, leaving his mouth shut and his lips the lightest shade of pink. Dan admired Phil’s skin as it was much clearer than his own, having outgrown that stage of awkward pimples and unwanted blemishes. Dan’s eyes traveled from his chin to his jawline and found himself watching Phil’s heartbeat in his neck. His heartbeat seemed to be matched with his own and he entertained his thoughts with counting how many times it beat within a minute. He didn’t know why it was so relaxing but he couldn’t pull his eyes from his friend’s obvious beauty. Phil was definitely a treasure and Dan had to wonder how he ended up becoming such good friends with an all around wonderful guy. Dan had always pictured himself hanging out with the wrong crowd, not because he wanted to be like those people but because he couldn’t socialize with the people he would get along most with. But along came Phil and his whole perspective changed. He couldn’t help but reflect upon the night he really didn’t want to go to that party and how going completely changed his life. If he hadn’t agreed to go along, he would be in his own house celebrating spring break alone with a tub of ice cream and hours of lonely video games. The thought made him shiver with disappointment and he went back to silently thanking his friend for saving him from loserville. Looking at the boy a foot away from his own face made him hum softly as he realized how good he had it.

“Dan?” Phil’s voice destroyed his thought bubble and he suddenly came to, noticing the worried looked that was displayed on Phil’s face. Dan cleared his throat and shifted back a little, wondering how long Phil had been watching Dan watch him. This was awkward.

“Yeah? Sorry. What?” he sure did look flustered and he couldn’t help but mentally slap himself for zoning out as much as he did.

“I asked if you wanted to make me breakfast before you undressed me with your eyes,” Phil smiled, having probably noticed Dan’s flustered state and choosing to attack him where he probably deserved it.

“Ha ha Phil,” Dan sat up and rubbed his eyes, trying to process that he existed on this astral plane. He wasn’t fully awake yet, obviously. “I wasn’t undressing you.”

“Well I don’t know what you _were_ doing but I tried to get your attention and you just ignored me. Do you often fall asleep with your eyes open and glaring like that?” Phil chuckled as he sat up as well, Dan suddenly very aware that their legs were still touching. He didn’t move however, that wasn’t his concern at the moment.

“I was just thinking. Sorry. My brain didn’t process it was you I was looking at,” he lied, hoping his friend didn’t think anything of it. He didn’t want to explain how he was admiring his friend’s features as he thanked him silently in his mind from the lonely pit of despair that was his life before they met. He knew how that sounded and it wasn’t the way he wanted to start the morning. A nice cup of steaming cringe. “You might want to shower if we are filming today. You look gross.”

He quickly attacked his friend’s appearance playfully to hopefully make up for the time he spent looking over his perfect face.

“Hey!” Phil shoved him over.

“What? I’m just trying to make sure you don’t get harassed by all those fangirls mentioning how your hair is greasy!” Dan laughed and he watched Phil’s mouth as he frowned.

“Well if I need a shower, you need _two_ ,” he stood up and marched out of the room. His personality was too adorable for last words so Dan just rolled his eyes and lied back down as he heard the water turn on in the bathroom, waiting his turn to take his shower.

 

-

 

“Okay, all set?” Phil was sitting on the floor at the end of his bed when Dan walked into the room. He had stolen Phil’s laptop and collected questions from previous comments on Phil’s videos. Questions that might be funny to answer on camera together. Phil was buttoning up his yellow checkered shirt when Dan sat beside him. He had chosen to wear a black shirt with a baggy collar and grey jeans. He had asked Phil what he should wear and all the older boy told him was to “be himself”. Dan would be lying if he said he wasn’t nervous. This was the first time he would be seen on camera with Phil and for some reason he really cared what he looked like. Phil had subscribers. In the thousands. He didn’t feel ready to be judged by that many people.

“As ready as I’ll ever be,” Dan muttered back trying to shake the nerves. He was sitting on his heels and rocking slightly as Phil set up the camera in the right place.

“Just pretend it’s just me you’re with. Don’t think about anyone else, okay?” Phil sensed his nerves and he nodded, hoping he could remember that while they were filming. Phil reminded him that he could always edit things out and that if it was really horrible, they could forget it ever happened and delete it forever. That comforted Dan more than anything else and he took a deep breath. “Ready?”

“Yes,” Dan smiled holding the tiny lion that Phil liked to feature in his videos. Phil nodded with approval and he reached forward and pressed _record_. Dan immediately took the lion and put it in his mouth, getting close to the camera and pretending to eat it. Phil laughed a little and pulled him back slightly.

“I think you should read the first question,” Phil smiled and pointed at the first thing that was written on his sheet. Dan read the question in his head and cocked his head at Phil.

“ _Do_ you always wear cat whiskers on your face?” Dan asked him, looking directly at Phil and not at the camera.

“No. That’s why it’s a weird question!” he laughed and pointed at the camera to get Dan to stop looking at him. “Ask!”

Dan turned toward the camera and nodded, leaning in a little. To balance it out, Phil leaned in as well and touched his head to Dan’s in order to fit them both in the frame. Another moment of silence and Dan spoke.

“Why do you always wear cat whiskers on your face?” he asked. Just barely a second later, Phil attacked him with a sharpie and was threatening to draw on his face, meowing like a cat as he did it. He managed to pin Dan against the foot of the bed and marked a single whisker on his cheek. Dan froze. Phil smirked and drew another one. At this point he had already been marked up, he might as well let it happen. He sat still while Phil drew the rest of the cat get-up on his face and he chuckled nervously looking into the reflection on the lens as Phil meowed again. He grabbed the sharpie from the older boy and drew some on his face, Phil was much less reluctant than Dan. When finished, he admired his work and asked another question.

“What does a giraffe sound like?” he asked as Phil jumped to make the sound he always did when imitating an animal of any kind. It reminded him of the night they went to the diner and Phil told him the story of the purse dog. When it attacked, Phil made the same noise while imitating it’s screech. Dan laughed. “Every animal makes that noise with you.”

Phil continued to make the noise over and over again and Dan couldn’t stop laughing.

“You know what you do sound like?” he tried to stop laughing. “I’m just picturing you as a zebra right now.”

“A zebra?” Phil said in his best american accent.

“Zebra.”

“Zebra,” he repeated in the american accent.

“Zebra!” Dan imitated Phil.

The video took off from there, they asked many questions, sometimes taking a break in-between to run and get a few props to aid their answers. Halfway through the video, Phil shared the story of how Dan got scared of The Ring and had to spend the night in Phil’s room. Dan flushed red and Phil promised he would cut the story out, but in the process of justifying his fear, Dan insisted on showing the world how creepy Phil’s house was. He related it to the hotel in The Shining, a movie that Phil - a lover of anything Stephan King - seemed to enjoy a lot. It wasn’t as scary as The Ring, but it was up there.

They enlightened themselves on what a Glabella was, neither of them expecting that a reasonably silly video could lead to such educational outcomes. Dan even ate a piece of paper with Hannah Montana on it to prove a point. By the end, he was totally comfortable in front of the camera and he decided Phil was right. If he only paid attention to Phil, it wasn’t so bad.

“What was your first word?” Dan asked his last question and turned to Phil. He was actually curious, Phil’s younger self popping up in his head. Thinking about childhood Phil while sitting in such an old house - the house that Phil was raised in - made him feel special. He was getting an amazing insight into Phil’s life that nobody else would get.

“Light!” Phil said honestly. Dan nodded and smiled looking back down at his piece of paper.

“Okay,” he muttered, confirming that it was the last on his list. Phil kept repeating the word light in a high pitched voice and Dan shook his head. He tossed his paper to the side and he switched spots with Phil so Phil could end the video and mess with the camera a little. He sat and watched patiently as Phil reached out to turn it off. He hesitated and drew his hand back.

“Tell them that you had fun!” he insisted. Phil’s eyes were full of pride because Dan had actually had a good time. He probably wanted to have it on record that he got Dan Howell to have fun on camera. Dan gave Phil a playful eye roll and he looked off to the side to speak in sarcasm, yet what he was about to say wasn’t a joke in the slightest.

“This was the most fun I’ve ever had.”

As soon as the last word left his mouth, he felt the other boy’s body hit his, tackling him to the ground behind him. He couldn’t help but make a surprised noise mixed with a little squeal when Phil’s arms wrapped around him. He giggled a little nervously as Phil dug his face into Dan’s shoulder. He nuzzled it like a puppy would and there was something about the way Phil was embracing him that made him feel giddy. He lied there as Phil nuzzled him gently and sighed while looking at Dan.

“You’re the best friend I’ve ever had,” Phil said quietly in response to Dan’s comment on the video. Dan’s heart melted and he couldn’t keep his face from doing the same. He felt honored to be spending spring break with a person he couldn’t believe he was even friends with and Phil had just admitted he felt the same way. Dan for once didn’t feel like he was overreacting or overthinking. Phil and him were on the same level and that was something he never thought he would share with anyone. Dan looked over at Phil, showing his dimples and not even caring how cheesy it might have looked.

When they realized that the camera was still rolling, they sat up and said their goodbyes to the viewers. They made little hearts with their hands and Phil commented on how cheesy they must have looked. Dan had tried to make it as cheesy as possible on purpose because that was the only way he could cover how much of an actual sap he was being. He told Phil this and then proceeded to pretend to lick the camera as Phil switched it off.

Dan’s smile remained on his face as Phil put the lens cap on the camera and flipped it closed. Phil shoved the camera in his pocket and gave Dan a high five.

“That was gold,” he said, grinning from ear to ear. “All that’s left to do is edit it!”

“How long does that take?” Dan asked, frustrated they couldn’t just upload it as is. He just wanted to hear what other people said about it. He was proud of their little statement of friendship. He wanted the world to see that he finally belonged somewhere. That he had finally found a friend that got along with him well.

“Not long. Why don’t you go get that paper you said you had to do over break done. By the time you finish that, I will be done with this, okay?” Phil sounded just as excited but Dan knew that Phil was used to this. Editing came after every video so he probably didn’t get excited about it until after the job was done. Dan sighed and knew that Phil was right about the paper. If he didn’t do it then, there would be no time to do it later. He had already waited this long. It was already Tuesday and he hadn’t once thought about school. He hung his head.

“Fine. But you better show me before you upload it!” Dan grabbed his backpack off of Phil’s floor and Phil grabbed his laptop as they made their way downstairs. Dan sat on the couch and started researching the Judicial System and all of it’s benefits and flaws. There was nothing better at killing a good mood than a terrible subject of study.

They scrubbed the whiskers off their faces and Phil whipped them up some grilled cheeses to snack on as they both sat silently doing their work. Dan was itching to see what Phil had done so far but he focused on his paper and pushed himself to finish, occasionally glancing over to his screen and watching Phil work his magic. He wasn’t going to let past Dan screw over future Dan today.

After working for what seemed like forever, Phil finally removed his headphones and turned to Dan who had conveniently almost finished citing all of his sources.

“I think it’s complete,” Phil said with determination and a thumbs up.

“Really?!” Dan didn’t intend for it to sound so eager but he wasn’t going to try to hide how exciting this was. Phil seemed proud of it so at least he was indulging him as well. Dan leaned over and tried to glance at the computer on Phil’s lap.

“Are you done with your paper?” Phil asked, pulling the screen from Dan’s view which only resulted in a whiny groan that left Dan’s throat involuntarily. Phil looked amused but he didn’t let Dan see the computer.

“Almost!” Dan pouted and turned his attention back to his screen. “Twenty more minutes probably.”

“Okay. Finish your paper. I’m going to run out to the store grab us some drinks to celebrate. You can be done by the time I get back, right?” Phil stood as he shut his computer. He stretched out as he lifted his arms and made the giraffe sound again. Dan chuckled to himself and nodded. Now there was drinking involved. How perfect was this?

In Phil’s absence Dan focused as much as his body would let him. He finished citing his sources, proof read the paper twice and added filler words to make the paper reach it’s 7 page requirement. These little tasks weren’t inherently difficult, but with the excitement looming over him it was damn near impossible to focus. He finished with about two minutes to spare and he couldn’t help but shoot a text to Phil.

_Dan: I’m finished! Where r u?_

He rose from the couch and ran to the bathroom if only to stall and resolving to pacing the kitchen until he heard his phone go off.

_Phil: If I were really mean, I could just stand outside and make you wait even longer. XD_

_Dan: Don’t you dare._

Dan was still pacing the kitchen when he heard Phil fidgeting to unlock the front door. He ran to it and opened it before Phil could even manage by himself.

“Eager are we?” he asked, handing Dan the bag where two bottles of wine were cradled between a bag of crisps and some Jaffa Cakes. Dan looked inside and grimaced.

“Ew. You bought Jaffa Cakes?” he shook his head at Phil. “I hate Jaffa Cakes.”

“Well I didn’t know. _Excuse me_ for trying to be nice,” he joked and followed Dan to the kitchen. “I got us wine and this is how you repay me?”

“Okay okay, sorry. I’ve just spent the past three hours writing a paper I had no desire to write. Forgive me for being a little on edge,” he shuffled his feet a little as Phil removed his jacket and proceeded to get out two wine glasses for the two of them. He was humming a little as he did and Dan read the bottle. “I’m surprised you didn’t just get us Ribena. I would have been happy with that.”

“This is a special occasion. You can’t drink Ribena when you’re celebrating. That’s just sad. Alcoholic drinks are much more celebratory,” Phil took out his wine opener and grabbed the bottle from Dan.

“Well that means I’ve been celebrating the wrong way for many years now..” Dan laughed.

“Maybe you just haven’t had anything big enough worth celebrating,” Phil stated working at opening the dark bottle of red liquid.

“Oooh, _sorry_! I didn’t realize this was a huge event to be celebrated with fancy wine!” Dan mocked.

“This isn’t anything _fancy_. It’s a step up from Ribena though,” he winked as he popped the cork. Pouring the glasses slowly, Dan watched as Phil’s hair fell into his face as he measured the amounts within the glasses and trying his best to make them even.

“Thank you,” Dan said gratefully as his friend handed him his almost too full glass. Phil carried the rest of the bottle into the living room as they both planted themselves on the couch and placed Phil’s laptop on the coffee table where they could both see. Their thighs were touching but Dan couldn’t care less. He was too excited about the creation the two had made earlier that morning. After all, that was why he was here in the first place. Thank goodness for Phil and his internet videos or the two might not have been there.

“To your first video!” Phil held up his glass right before he hit play. Dan smiled and couldn’t help but feel proud of himself. Not just for breaking his comfort zone in the video and doing something he might never have done before he met Phil, but for finally making friends with someone who cared and liked Dan for the way he was inside. He felt confident for once that his opinions mattered and what he did affected someone else’s life. That was a good feeling and he was willing to toast to that.

They clinked glasses and each took a hearty sip.

“What are we going to call it?” Dan asked Phil, suddenly realizing they hadn’t even thought of a name.

“Well. I had an idea,” Phil put his glass down and watched Dan for a second before continuing. “Your Youtube username is Danisnotonfire..”

“Ugh. I named it that when I was like 16,” he muttered. “I just haven’t changed it yet. I’m too lazy.”

“I think it’s cute!” Phil protested, clearing his throat and smiling genuinely. “I thought we could combine the names.”

“What?”

“Phil is Not On Fire!” he made a grand gesture with his hands. Dan couldn’t help but smirk and his chin fell to his chest in a silent chuckle. Phil looked mighty proud about the name. After all, it was his channel.

“Really Phil?” Dan raised his head again and glanced at the boy sitting across from him. “People won’t get it.”

“They don’t have to! It can be our little secret,” he winked. “Until you start making your own videos. Then all will be revealed!”

Dan flashed his friend a playful warning look and rolled his eyes.

“Yeah I don’t know, Phil. Youtube is your thing,” he left it at that. He didn’t want to start this conversation up right now. Plus, he had no idea what he looked like on camera. He hadn’t even seen the video yet.

“We’ll see,” Phil stated and picked up his glass once more. He clicked on the video and shortly after, Dan’s face appeared on the screen with Phil’s lion in his mouth and the video started.

 

-

 

“Hey hey! Look at this one!” Phil pointed to a comment under their video. The video had been up for two hours and Dan was experiencing the comments for the first time. They were well into their bottle of wine, estimating with about 3 glasses each. Dan, being the light weight that he was, was rather tipsy while Phil just seemed a little buzzed. Dan was glowing. The video had turned out amazing and he was so impressed by Phil’s editing skills that he watched it twice more before they uploaded it just to appreciate Phil’s attention to detail. Now, after watching a few videos from other Youtubers, not Alex, they had returned to their first video together which now had 456 views. That was more than Dan expected in two hours and he was thrilled by the feedback. Maybe it was because his judgment was impaired but he was giggling at the comment Phil pointed out.

“Did you actually say that you _eat_ small children in french?” Dan asked Phil, barely able to speak.

“It’s the only thing I know how to say in french!” he laughed as well, scrolling through more comments.

“This girl likes me!” Dan pointed at the screen and read through a flattering comment from a girl called Brie.

“Isn’t she a cheese?”

“Yes, Phil. Brie is a type of cheese,” Dan rolled his eyes as Phil kept scrolling.

“I hate cheese.”

“I know.”

While sifting through at least twenty comments about their dynamic and how hilarious they were, they scrolled past a few that were not so kind. Phil had warned him that for every ten good comments, there was at least one bad one. People calling them stupid, gay and “wastes of time”. Dan didn’t pay any attention to those people. They didn’t matter. Haters were always going to hate. As long as they had fun while making the video, it shouldn’t matter what other people thought.

A few comments stood out to Dan however. They weren’t from haters, that’s for sure, they were from the people Phil hadn’t warned him about. Shippers. He pushed Phil’s fingers away from the trackpad and stopped the scrolling to read Kayla448’s comment.

_Anyone else glad that Phil finally introduced us to his boyfriend?_

Dan couldn’t help but notice his heartbeat speed up. He wasn’t sure why his body had this reaction. It shouldn’t make him nervous. This was a part of the internet he knew far too well. Phil shifted a little as he downed the rest of his glass, reaching over and pouring some more for himself. He had noticed Dan’s glass was also bare so he emptied the last of this bottle into his friend’s glass. Dan thanked him and took another sip. He pondered for a few more moments before letting Phil scroll further down the list of comments.

As Phil silently read more of the comments, Dan zoned out. He couldn’t keep his mind off of the last comment. That and the three others regarding their “secret relationship” scattered among the next few good ones. One comment even called them _twinks_ which was awfully rude and definitely demeaning. These people were under the impression that Dan and Phil were a couple.

_Plus Howell, what makes you think you’re even my type?_

The words echoed in his head for the first time in a couple days. He had never been close enough to a person that this kind of issue could present itself. Once during first semester, some really hammered freshmen suggested that Louise and Dan were an “adorable couple” which she laughed almost embarrassingly hard about afterwards. Granted, this was right after Dan had to sit in the women’s bathroom and hold Louise’s hair out of her face as she threw up the alcohol she shouldn’t have ingested that night. Hardly a romantic gesture, but he supposed that leaving the girls bathroom with Louise coiled around Dan like he was her only chance at surviving would warrant such a response.

How could these people see the same thing in Dan and Phil’s video? On the one hand, he told himself that he shouldn’t think too hard about it because it was just an opinion and why should it matter? But on the other hand, he felt like he had a right to know why people thought the things that they did about him and his innocent friendship. People were weird.

Phil seemed to have sensed Dan’s apprehension and he stopped scrolling through comments.

“What?” Phil turned to face his friend. He probably already knew what was bothering Dan but knowing Phil, he would wait for Dan to bring it up. He couldn’t blame him.

“It’s just funny reading these comments,” Dan said, trying to sound vague on purpose. He wasn’t sure how comfortable Phil was with these comments either.

“Yeah! But people seem to like you!” Phil said with an upbeat tone. Dan wondered how much Phil was feeling the alcohol, if at all. He seemed perfectly collected. Dan on the other hand could see the world around him wave slightly and he was threatening to tip to one side. It wasn’t a bad feeling, just one he hadn’t felt in a while.

“No I know,” he mumbled, staring into his almost empty glass of wine that he swore was filled at least halfway only seconds ago. “They seem to like _us_ a lot.”

“Oh,” Phil chuckled. “You’re talking about _those_ comments.”

Phil probably knew how sensitive Dan was about all this. After all, his reaction to Phil having dated another guy had not really gone over smoothly. He understood Phil’s reluctance to joke. Dan decided he would throw the first joke in, hoping to make the whole situation less awkward.

“Yeah I mean...” he chuckled to himself, remembering Phil’s words once more. “What makes them think I’m even your type?”

Phil’s expression went from a bright smile to a thin one and he immediately looked into his glass. He tossed back the rest of the liquid inside it and placed the empty glass on the table in front of them. It was almost as if he didn’t expect Dan to have remembered him saying those words - and come to think of it, why should he have remembered them? It was a pretty specific set of words and he could admit it was a little weird that they had lingered with him for so long. Phil’s expression stayed chipper, acknowledging that he heard what Dan had said but ultimately shrugging it off.

Dan couldn’t help but feel he had insulted his friend. Even after repeating Phil’s exact words back to him. He didn’t understand what compelled Phil to act the way he was acting. Almost saddened by the remark. Dan decided he would blame it on the alcohol and he stood abruptly.

“I’m going to get the other bottle of wine. You want s-some more?” he barely made it through the sentence without slurring his s’s and he wobbled a little as he made it to his feet. Phil nodded, delighted to have a change in subject and leaned back onto the couch as he waited for Dan to return with the fresh bottle. Dan must have looked ridiculous as he walked to the kitchen. He wasn’t sure where his feet ended and the floor began but it was all the same in the end when he managed to make it to the counter where the bottle sat.

“You gonna be okay?” Phil called from the other room, hearing Dan’s hip run into the side of the breakfast bar. His voice was laced with a laugh and Dan flushed more red than the alcohol had made him already.

“Yeah Phil, I’m good!” he called back, grabbing the bottle and the wine opener, deciding it was probably best be brought them back to Phil so he could do it. He seemed far more coherent than Dan and he couldn’t be bothered to open a bottle under the influence. After all, it would be a shame if he broke it. He waddled back to the living room and handed his friend the objects, plopping down on the sofa once more. This time, his head was leaning on Phil’s shoulder and his arm was resting on his leg, his body horizontal against the furniture. All he could think about was how comfortable he was in that moment. The couch felt like a cloud against his back as he put his feet over the arm on the other side of the fluffy surface. “I didn’t realize I-I was this...”

“Drunk?” Phil completed his sentence for him, laughing. Dan could feel the vibration of his companion’s body as he did. He was working slowly on pulling the cork from the bottle and Dan jumped a little when he finally heard it pop. “You still want another glass?”

“Oh why not?” Dan slurred, closing his eyes as he nodded. “I’m already drunk. It can only go up from here.”

“Okay, but this is your last glass,” Phil said, looking down and into the younger boy’s face. When Dan opened his eyes he looked up into Phil’s concerned ones. Even Phil’s eyes were drooping slightly, giving Dan the impression that Phil too was feeling the drinks. His face was flushed and he had to admit, it looked good to see the color on his friend’s normally pale skin.

“Fine Dad,” he groaned, watching Phil pour him a little less than half a glass. He noticed Phil holding back and decided it wasn’t worth a fight. He was drunk enough as is.

“Hey Phil?” he started. A perfectly normal way to segway into a deep conversation, he thought. He couldn’t ignore the question gnawing on the back of his brain stem. Not when his brain was compromised the way that it was then.

“Hm?” Phil hummed, leaning back and staring up at the ceiling. He seemed content with the feeling of Dan lying on him.

“What even is your type?”

Dan felt his friend tense up beneath him. With good reason. The question was kind of out of the blue, bringing up the subject Phil seemed happy to avoid. Dan couldn’t be bothered to care about Phil’s nerves however. They were good enough friends. Phil should tell him these things. Right? Phil was bound to meet another person at some point in the future. Not to mention he got hit on whenever they went out. What if another Alex came along? Dan ignored the feeling of sadness that pinged in his chest when he remembered the incident once again and then the even sadder thought of losing his best friend to someone of interest. Dan just wanted to know how to help Phil avoid the bad ones. He wanted to protect his friend from the bad things. How was he supposed to do that if he never told him what his type was?

“Phil?” Dan nudged again after a long silent period. Phil looked a little lost in thought and he looked up at his friend’s face. His hand was swirling the wine in his glass and staring up at the ceiling.

The silence remained and Dan sat up a little, shifting positions to look at this friend more directly. The room was spinning slightly but Phil’s face remained still.

“Phil,” he reminded more softly and Phil’s eyes turned toward’s Dan’s.

“I don’t know. I don’t have one I guess,” he said slowly, downing more of the wine from his glass. Dan was taken aback.

“What?” he glared at his friend. “Everybody has a type. And you said-”

“Well I don’t,” he said, interrupting Dan and shaking his head. He was now staring at the wall ahead of him.

“You have to!” Dan prodded more than he would normally, the liquor definitely nudging him forward.

“What’s _your_ type?” Phil fired back. It wasn’t aggressive, but it seemed somewhat defensive. Dan swallowed. That, he wasn’t prepared for. He had no idea. He had only dated one girl in high school and she was definitely not his type. All throughout high school he had been struggling with this question. He hadn't found a girl since then that he was attracted to, physically or mentally. He didn’t socialize enough to have made that much progress. He just assumed it would hit him when he knew.

“I mean...I don’t have enough experience to know,” Dan stumbled over his words, suddenly understanding the flaw in having a deep conversation when heavily intoxicated. “She’d probably have to like Lawyers.”

“Liking Lawyers isn’t a type,” Phil snickered and Dan followed suit.

“Okay, fair,” he gave up and sighed. “I guess I just don’t have enough experience with girls to know. I have only really had one crush. Most of the girls back home and at school were pretty boring.”

Phil was silent for longer than Dan expected him to be. He was nodding along and he hummed a little in response to Dan’s comment about boring girls.

“But you’ve dated a few people, right?” Dan turned the attention on Phil who seemed a little more welcome to discuss this than he had before. He seemed to warm up to the idea of a deep conversation.

“More than you, I suppose,” he said sheepishly. He fidgeted with his glass and took another tiny sip. “That doesn’t mean I know what my type is.”

“Well at least you know what you _aren’t_ looking for,” Dan said, suddenly realizing why that could have been hurtful. He didn’t want to bring up the memories of yesterday so he quickly followed with something else. “I mean - you seem to know what you want in life.”

“Yeah maybe,” he seemed to understand where Dan was coming from and Dan relaxed, knowing his friend wasn’t going to break down again. He definitely couldn’t deal with that under the influence of this dangerous wine. “Sometimes I still surprise myself with what I want.”

“How so?”

“Well I don’t know. What if I wake up one morning and love cheese?”

“Pshh. Not possible,” Dan chuckled and finished off what would be his last glass.

“You never know! What if _you_ wake up one day and like boys?” he prodded at Dan’s side with his finger. Dan snorted louder than he should have.

“You wish!” he fought the poke with a swatting hand.

“Yeah right,” Phil shook his head and took the glass from Dan, putting the two empty glasses on the table so they wouldn’t break anything in their obvious intoxication. “I saw the way you were looking at me this morning!”

Dan swatted at Phil again and groaned.

“I told you! I was just staring into space. You happened to be in my personal bubble!” he defended, hiding his face under his forearm as he tried to stop the spinning.

“Oh and you aren’t in mine right now?” Phil pushed back. “You don’t see me staring at you with love eyes!”

“How would I know?” he leaned further into the boy beside him. “I don’t know what that looks like.”

“Yeah you do. The look you gave Louise a few weeks back says that you know exactly what I’m talking about,” Dan had fallen still on Phil’s shoulder, smiling and remembering the night they all went to get pancakes from the Diner. He couldn’t help but feel slightly guilty about trying to trick Phil into thinking he liked Louise. But when he felt Phil’s head lean against his softly, he closed his eyes and ignored the feeling in his gut.

“Okay, maybe I do,” he mumbled, too drunk to fight the fight anymore. His eyes lazily focused on the clock under the TV. It had become late. How had their day gone by so fast? They hadn’t even tackled dinner yet but Dan didn’t think his stomach could handle a fully cooked meal with all the wine sloshing in his gut. He groaned a little, suddenly very aware of how intoxicated he felt. His arm was tingling and his shoulders felt heavy. “Phiiiiiil.”

“Whaaaat?” he responded back with a groggy and deep voice.

“I’m so drunk,” he complained yet he didn’t really know why he was complaining. He was very warm.

“I know. Me too,” his friend admitted, and Dan was surprised. Phil held it together pretty well for someone who was supposedly inebriated.

“Phil?”

“Hm?”

“Did you water the plants?”

“What?”

“The p-plants. Your mum told you to...water them,” Dan hiccuped. Not sure why this was the first thing in his mind right then.

“Dan, it’s okay. It rained, remember?” Phil reassured his randomly worried friend by petting his curling hair.

“Oh yeah...the lightning,” Dan remembered the fear he felt a few nights before and shuddered.

“Thanks for reminding me though. I would have forgot,” Phil admitted, praising Dan for thinking about his mom’s requests. “I bet she’d like you more than me with _that_ memory!”

“Nah,” Dan shrugged him off and he swayed a little. “I haven’t met your mom...but she s-seems to care about you a lot.”

Dan’s hiccups were getting more frequent and he felt Phil’s hand come up and cover his mouth.

“You are so loud!”

“I’m sorry!” he whimpered, trying to hold them inside. He curled into the smallest ball he could next to Phil’s arm.

“What time is it?” Phil asked, squinting at the clock. The sun had long gone down and the room was lit only by the kitchen light streaming into the living room. Otherwise, the boys were sitting in the dark. Dan didn’t mind much. “I’m too drunk to read.”

“Oh yeah?” Dan murmured, trying to read the clock as well and straining. “I think that’s an eight...”

“Well. Then let’s just assume it’s eight then,” Phil gave up, collapsing back against the couch. “Wanna play some drunk Mario Kart?”

“You bet!” Dan reanimated himself and sat up to allow Phil to get the game started. As expected, it took a while to get it running. After many failed attempts at turning on the Gamecube, they sat on the floor near the TV and played miserably for hours. They attempted to have conversations about tropical fruits and animals they thought should exist, eventually Dan was unable to speak in full sentences anyway. Their giggles were loud and obnoxious as they sabotaged each other on the track. It was like watching two chickens run around with their heads cut off. They played until neither of them could do it anymore and Dan paused the game after running off rainbow road for the hundredth time. He hadn’t even made it one lap.

Dan’s world was spinning. He thought the wine had started to wear off but he could not have been more wrong. The wine had just started digesting in his empty stomach and suddenly his eyes were losing vision. The TV felt too bright and he looked over at Phil who seemed not as bad, but still buzzed nonetheless.

“Oh God...Mario Kart is _amaaaazing_ ,” Dan fell onto his back and stared at the ceiling as his brain swirled. Phil fell back to join Dan, his hair draped across his face and he blew the fringe from his eyes.

“Yeah it is...” he laughed back and Dan felt warm in the face.

“ _You’re_ amazing,” Dan muttered. He bit his lip and looked over at Phil whose face had gone pink. Dan paid no mind. For some reason, he just wanted his friend to know how he felt right then and there. “It’s really...really great that you invited me this week. I’m having s-so much fun. You-you’re a great friend.”

“Mmm..” Phil hummed in response to the praise and he reached up to swipe the hair out of his face. “You’re pretty great yourself. Thank you for...ya know...coming.”

Dan said nothing but he exhaled loudly and groaned a little, clutching his stomach.

“You feeling okay, Dan?” Phil’s expression changed from peaceful to concerned and he flipped onto his side. He looked down at Dan’s face which was now scrunched up. He was shaking his head slowly. “Oh no. I had a feeling you might have had too many..”

Dan squeezed his eyes closed, suddenly regretting his last glass of wine. He tried to open his eyes and look up at Phil’s face but he felt like he was falling backwards into the flat of the floor. He closed them again and pressed his hand to his forehead.

“Phil...” he whimpered, not caring how whiny he must have sounded. Now he was feeling it in his gut and his head. Dan wasn’t sure what he wanted Phil to do, but he just wanted the pain to stop. He felt like he was gonna lose the contents of his stomach. “Ph-phil. I think I’m gonna..”

“Oh god...okay. Come on. Let’s get you to the toilet,” he immediately stood on his unstable feet and tried to help Dan to his. As Dan stood he felt the world tumble around him and he opened his eyes as he felt his feet moving and being guided towards the stairs.

“I’m-I’m gonna...” he covered his mouth with his hand and tried to make it up the stairs with Phil clutching him around his waist. The touch might have bothered him if he wasn’t so desperate for his head to meet the porcelain bowl.

“One second Dan...hold it for one second,” he heard Phil whisper. Poor Phil was being forced to sober up but Dan was nothing but appreciative. The two finally reached the bathroom and Phil lowered Dan to the ground. Dan moved his face to the toilet as Phil looked down at him for a moment and hesitated. He looked like he was debating whether to stay or to leave. Dan curled himself around the toilet like his life depended on it. “Are you okay..?”

Dan contemplated the question. Yeah, he wasn’t going to die. He was just a little sick. It’s not like he hadn’t experienced this pain before, but in the moment it always seemed a lot worse. Before he could even respond, he felt the contents of his stomach creep up his throat. He winced and leaned into the bowl, expelling the liquid from his belly. He heard Phil take a step back, but he didn’t leave. Dan wrapped his arms around the toilet and he vomited a few more times.

“Hang on,” Phil stood up and left the room. Dan sat in the silence, his head spinning much less than before but he could feel how empty the bathroom felt without Phil. He gagged a couple times, trying to get the rest out but his body wouldn’t do it. He would just have to wait.

Phil came back into the room with a cold glass of water and a warm washcloth. He kneeled beside Dan after flushing away the red contents that were in the toilet.

“Drink this,” he suggested, holding the water to Dan’s face. Dan reluctantly tried to take a few sips, knowing what would happen if he didn’t. He might feel worse and he’d rather avoid anything worse than this. Phil placed the washcloth on his forehead and watched Dan wilt over the bowl. He was feeling better, but not by much.

“I’m sorry,” Dan muttered, apologizing for making Phil uncomfortable.

“Don’t be sorry. It happens,” he spoke softly and quietly actually reaching out and starting to rub the younger boy’s back. Dan leaned into his touch and moaned a little. For some reason, it helped.

They sat like this for a while. Dan draped over the toilet seat, his sweat making is hair stick to his face. Phil slowly rubbed Dan’s back and talked to him about making pancakes the next morning to keep him distracted. He was grateful that Phil was there taking care of him. He could have dealt with it on his own but being sick was no fun when you had to sit by yourself in the bathroom. Phil eventually got up to grab Dan a little blanket when he complained about being cold and Phil noticed his shivering.

After what felt like an eternity but may only have been about an hour, Dan felt better. He wasn’t sweating as much, he had expelled most of the liquid from his body and he was feeling much less intoxicated. If anything, he was feeling sleepy. The effect of alcohol he received when partaking in only one or two drinks.

“Dan?” Phil’s voice was like velvet to Dan’s ears and he lifted his head from his folded arms. He was far less pale and starting to gain the fleshy color in his cheeks he usually held.

“Hm?”

“You think you’re ready to go to bed now?” Phil asked with the most sincerity a person could. Dan nodded slowly, recognizing how late it was and how tired Phil must be. “Okay. Come on. I can help you up. Let’s get to sleep then.”

Phil helped Dan rise to his feet and held him around the waist.

“You wanna change into pajamas?” he asked, looking up and down Dan’s body. Dan felt his jeans on his legs and he groaned. He didn’t think he could handle changing. He decided he would rather just sleep in jeans. He shook his head at Phil. “That’s fine. That’s fine.”

Phil’s smile was comforting. They made it down the hallway and Phil turned them into his bedroom instead of going down the stairs. He looked up at Phil in protest as he was sat down on the bed. Dan looked up at Phil with confusion, his mouth unable to form words.

“You think I’m going to let you sleep down on that couch all alone when you aren’t feeling well?” Phil chuckled softly in-between words, petting Dan’s head and pushing his hair out of his face as he spoke. “You can sleep in here with me.”

“Are you sure...‘cause I can-”

“Yes, Dan. Stop asking if it’s alright. This bed is big enough for the two of us,” he smiled gently and Dan lied back on the pillow. “I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t feel comfortable.”

“Okay..” he mumbled as he turned on his side due to Phil’s gestural request. He sighed and shifted a little as Phil threw the blanket overtop of him.

Phil changed into pajama bottoms and a t-shirt before getting into bed. Once again offering to get Dan his pants. He refused again with his eyes shut tight. He was ready to sleep and forget that any of this happened.

“If you need anything,” Phil started as he climbed into the covers and switched off the light. “Don’t hesitate to ask.”

Dan nodded and gave a little grunt of approval into the darkness of the room.

“Thank you,” he tried to say but he was pretty sure it was inaudible.

“Sleep well, Dan,” he heard Phil mumble into his pillow and before he knew it, he was out like a light. He woke once in the middle of the night. He vaguely remembered the click of the light switch, a shift and glance from the man beside him, then the light clicking off once more. Phil was checking on him. He remembered smiling too, not being able to tell if it was real or a dream.  



	10. Chapter 10

His eyes weren’t the first to wake up, his brain was. His throbbing and pressured brain. He couldn’t help but whimper slightly at the sight of the sun pouring directly in his eyes. As he opened them a sliver, he could feel the stabbing pain behind them. Yup, he was definitely hungover. He felt far better than the night before, but this time it was in his head, not his stomach. He finally got the courage to open his eyes all the way and took in where he was. It was just like yesterday morning, lying in Phil’s room, Phil’s bed and next to the man who had tucked him in last night. This time however, he was one-hundred percent fully erect. His crotch ached in the tight jeans he cursed himself for wearing. Rising from his lying position he decided a shower would make him feel better. At least there he could deal with his little problem.

He tried not to wake Phil as he exited the room as quietly as he could. He reached the bathroom and couldn’t help but smile when he remembered Phil sitting next to him as he struggled with his stomach the night before. Phil had been a good friend to him.

He started the water and closed the door, itching to remove his jeans and relieve the pressure behind his fly. Once he had stripped down to nothing and peeled off his socks, he looked at his skinny form in the mirror that was starting to fog up. That was one of the little perks of having his own room at school, he didn’t have to worry about dealing with morning wood. He could lie in bed, take care of the problem and then go back to sleep. He took his member in his hand and stroked it softly for a moment. He couldn’t ignore it this time like he normally would in a situation like this. It ached. He needed a release.

He stepped into the shower and let the hot water fall onto his back, letting his cock bob against his tummy. At least his little problem was distracting him from his headache which had mostly solved itself when the sun stopped streaming directly into his eyes. He realized through his haste that he had forgot to grab his little bottle of soap. Frustrated with himself, he glanced over at the shelf which held Phil’s shampoo and body wash and he hesitated. Surely his friend wouldn’t mind if he used a little of his stuff. For all Dan knew, his hair and face could be covered in vomit and without soap, he was useless. Grabbing the shampoo bottle, he allowed himself very little and scrubbed it through his hair. Lathering and letting it sit for a minute as he squeezed the body wash into his palm. He ran his hands over his chest and arms, traveling down and making sure he covered everything in a thin layer of Phil’s scented body wash. The smell of his friend filled the tiny shower and he immediately regretted his decision. Phil had a very strong scent as it was, fruity and potent. It was overpowering just when you were next to the guy, now Dan was going to smell like him for the rest of the day. He rolled his eyes at himself and let the shampoo run from his hair as he dipped his whole head and body under the stream. He watched the soap disappear into the drain until it ran clear.

His eyes moved to his nether region, glancing at the painful reminder of being a young adult. He reached forward and gripped his hardening cock and ran his hand down the shaft slowly. It had been a while since he had touched himself. Dan didn’t think it was very polite to go off and touch yourself at another person’s house, but because he had been there for five days, his body was craving something. He let himself lean against the wall of the shower and he began to stroke. He always forgot how good it felt to be warm and wrapped around your own cock. Dan’s breath got caught in his throat as he threw his head back, the feeling of pleasure engulfing him. He tightened his grip and beat to the thought of rutting into someone, grabbing onto them as he got off. He thrusted his hips forward towards the stream of water before him. His stomach started to tighten as he felt himself getting closer to the edge. His mind was shutting down, the sound of the water hitting his back and the floor seemed so loud and all he wanted to do was yelp out with pleasure. The combination of the warm water and his pace quickening made his vision fade as he zoned out of the shower and into a bed. A soft bed with a fluffy mattress and a cold pillow. The feeling of fire inside his stomach built up and his mouth opened. He was panting now, hoping he was being quiet enough but at this point he didn’t care. The vision of sweet release into a warm and tight mouth flooded his head and suddenly he was on the edge about to tip. The last few tight strokes took him back to the bed. The bed with a familiar smell to the shower. The bed with the mouth. The bed, wrapped in blue and green sheets.

Before he could correct the horrible mental mistake he had just made, he gasped out, louder than he ever had. The combination of pleasure and shock hit him all at once as he came on his own chest. The come spurting from him and dripping down towards his feet. He collapsed against the wall with disbelief and slapped his hand to his mouth. Shit.

His first concern was the sound. He hadn’t let out a tiny whimper. Oh no. He had let out a full on moan. He had came so hard that it seemed impossible to silence. He hoped for the sake of both of them, Phil hadn’t heard him through these thin walls.

His second concern, Phil. Why the fuck was _Phil_ coming up in his mental images? Yeah, he had spent the past five days with the guy and people you spend a lot of time with tend to pop into your head every now and then. But he had never done _this_ before. He had never thought about Louise while wanking. She stayed far away from his pleasure center and he liked to keep it that way. Phil however, had found his way into the core of his orgasm and infiltrated the moment.

Dan decided that thinking about it too much would only damage him and he wrote it off as a fluke. His headache was going away, his cock fell back into it’s soft and significantly less painful state and he stepped into the stream to wash his chest. He ran his fingers over his nipples, exhaling softly as he crossed each one. His eyes closed as he stood in the stream, humming softly and rinsing himself off before getting out and wrapping up in a towel.

Wandering back into Phil’s room with the towel wrapped messily around his waist, he saw Phil still under the covers and faced towards the wall. Dan sighed with relief. Phil was asleep. Dan couldn’t remember feeling this relieved about anything else in his life. He grabbed a wad of clothes and returned to the bathroom to change. Once he was dressed and ready for the day, he traveled downstairs and played some Mario Kart against the computer while he waited for his friend to get up for breakfast, or at this point, a late lunch. He didn’t want to wake the boy, especially if he had as much of a hangover as Dan did when he first opened his eyes. Dan still felt the light pounding of his heartbeat on his brainstem and the throb of pain behind his eyes, but it wasn’t nearly as bad as it could have been, and for that he was grateful.

 

-

 

Phil wandered down the stairs with his baggy pajamas on and his glasses sitting crooked on his nose. He squinted from across the room at Dan who was sitting on the floor in front of the TV playing Mario Kart and gently rocking back and forth on his heels. Phil walked over and ruffled the boy’s freshly straightened hair as he passed him to the kitchen.

“Morning,” Dan said, his voice almost mocking Phil’s sleepy state. “Get some good rest?”

“How long have you been up?” he heard the other boy ask as he got out a large bowl and placed it on the counter. Dan won his game and threw the control gently on the ground sticking his fist up in the air to celebrate.

“Like an hour or two,” he glanced at the clock. “I don’t know.”

“Well come help me make pancakes,” Phil beamed, having already started the process of making coffee.

“Sure thing,” Dan got to his feet and padded over to the other boy.

“So you already showered?” Phil asked. Dan froze for a second, scared that Phil had heard something but he didn’t want to seem suspicious so he answered fast.

“Yeah yeah, it’s all yours,” he waved at his friend who nodded and read the back of the pancake mix box.

“Okay. Let’s do this first,” he said, getting out a few eggs. “I could use some help.”

Dan positioned himself by the stove behind Phil and waited for instruction.

“You feeling any better?” Phil asked Dan, looking the boy over once or twice. Dan almost forgot that he had been so sick the night before. He felt much better now and smiled at his friend.

“Yeah. Rough morning, but I made it through,” he passed his friend a thankful gaze as Phil cracked an egg into the big green bowl.

“I bet,” Phil nodded and measured some water for the mix.

“How did you sleep?” Dan wondered, remembering now how his friend got up a couple times in the night to check on his well being.

“I slept alright,” he answered yawning as he spoke. “I woke up with a hangover. Went back to bed for a few hours and I think that fixed it.”

Dan just nodded and got a cup of water for the mix and turned on the skillet.

“I figured today is as good as any to marathon some Buffy. What do you think?” Phil stirred the pancake soup in the bowl and tried to concentrate on not spilling over the edge.

“Yeah. Sounds good. I don’t wanna strain my brain any more than I have to,” Dan chuckled lightly and watched the other boy stir their brunch.

After they ate the half burnt pancakes they attempted to make and Phil took his shower, the day went slowly and it wasn’t taxing to their throbbing heads. They sat on the couch together and toggled between watching episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and playing rounds of Mario Kart. They ordered Chinese food for dinner, not wanting to make their own food and as they ate their dumplings they finished off the second season of Phil’s favorite show. Dan had to admit, he was getting into it. When they felt themselves fighting to stay awake, that was when they called it a night.

“I think I have to sleep,” Phil yawned and stretched his arms above his head. Dan rolled his neck a little and nodded, yawning himself.

“Yeah. We got anything planned for tomorrow?” Dan asked Phil. Phil just smiled and shook his head.

“We’ve done mostly everything on my itinerary. Looks like the rest of the week is just whatever you want to do,” he smirked.

Dan nodded as Phil stood up and Dan looked around the room. He couldn’t remember where his blanket and pillow went from a couple nights before. He hadn’t slept on the couch the last couple days and he wasn’t sure where he put them last.

“What are you looking for?” Phil asked, watching the younger boy crane his neck to peer around the couch.

“My stuff, ya know, for sleeping,” he mumbled, standing to look in the place he would have left them, next to the couch.

“Oh,” Phil shifted a little and nodded. “I uh, put them back in the closet. You have been sleeping in my bed and I just figured it was comfier and easier...if you want I can go grab them.”

“No it’s fine,” Dan stopped the older boy from his fretting. “As long as you’re cool with it.”

“Yeah, yeah. No problem,” Phil started up the stairs and Dan paused before he followed him.

 

-

 

Dan opened his eyes to the sunlight once again and groaned. This time he didn’t have a throbbing headache or erection but the sun was just as bothersome. His groan was loud enough for the other boy to stir and Dan didn’t even feel bad.

“What are you? A vampire?” Phil mumbled into the pillow. “Don’t be a wuss.”

“Phil, it’s so _early_. How can you sleep through this invasive sunlight?” Dan whined, facing the black haired boy who’s eyes were still shut. Dan had sat up and was rubbing his eyes with the bottom of his palms. Phil shifted a little and shook his head slowly.

“You get used to it,” Dan could tell by the sound of his voice that he wasn’t ready to get up yet. But if Dan had to be awake, Phil had to be awake. He reached over and shook the other boy.

“Get uuuuuup,” Dan complained and Phil swatted at him. “Come ooon. Don’t make me play Mario Kart by myself for two hours like you did yesterday morning.”

Phil’s face shifted into view and his eyes opened slightly. His smirk was still visible. Dan knew that meant he was about to get it.

“I didn’t _make_ you do that. _You_ decided to get up and shower,” he teased. Dan rolled his eyes. He wasn’t about to explain why he had to get up and shower right away, so he thew his face into the blankets in front of him.

“Please, Phil,” he asked into the duvet with a touch of begging, just so Phil would feel sorry for him and cave. As expected, Phil sighed and rolled over, staring at the ceiling and reaching for his glasses.

“You’re mean,” he mumbled and smacked his lips. Dan smiled.

“I’m not mean. You don’t wanna waste your day,” he said with a touch of sarcasm. Normally it was Phil telling him that.

“I don’t _wanna_ get out of bed. Can’t we just stay in bed all day?” he asked. Dan shook his head.

“No, we can’t just stay in bed all day.”

“Why not?”

“Because.”

“Because why?” Dan couldn’t think of a response to Phil’s question.

“We could just stay here and watch Friends. I mean, isn’t that what Spring Break is for anyway? Doing things that we can’t do at school?”

“We could do this at school,” Dan protested.

“Nuh uh,” Phil sat up and crossed his arms. “This is my house, and I’m deciding right now. I’m staying in bed all day.”

“Phil!” Dan exclaimed, looking the other boy in the eye with disbelief. “Really? What are we going to do in bed all day?”

“Watch TV!” he smiled. “We did the Buffy marathon. Now we gotta watch some Friends.”

“Friends?”

“Yeah! It’s like, my second favorite show. I have it all on VHS,” he smiled genuinely as he pointed to the old TV across the room and Dan stared at it for a moment.

“You’re serious?”

“One hundred percent,” he stuck his chin up in assurance.

“I can’t believe you.”

Phil looked at the younger boy with eyes that he couldn’t say no to. Dan sighed and threw his head back in frustration with himself. How did Phil get him to comply so easily?

“Fine. But if you fall asleep, I’m dragging you out of bed myself. We are not spending the day asleep,” he couldn’t help but smile as he looked at the other boy’s excited face. Phil’s eyes lit up and he grinned. “What are we going to do for breakfast?”

Phil’s eyes traveled to the blue box next to the foot of the bed. Dan’s mouth dropped open when he realized what Phil was eyeing.

“Phil!”

“What? Sweets are a perfectly good breakfast! I think there are some other snacks in there too. Some Doritos maybe?” he reached over and grabbed the box, leaning over Dan in the process. “See? You can have Maltesers! Your favorite. Don’t tell me you don’t want to eat the rest of these for breakfast!”

Phil’s bribing worked as Dan begrudgingly grabbed the red bag of chocolate from his friend.

“Yeah okay. Fine,” he shoved a couple of the little chocolate balls into his mouth and chewed them. He forgot how good they tasted and when the flavor exploded on his tongue, he melted. Maybe Phil was onto something after all.

Again, their day moved slowly. As soon as they were finished eating their breakfast and Dan got back from using the restroom, they put in the VHS’s and started from the second season. When they had completed 13 episodes, they took another bathroom break and climbed back into bed. Dan wasn’t having as miserable of a time as he thought he would be having. Staying in bed all day was something he had always wanted to do. Granted, the thought was always that he would spend it in his own bed and without Phil, but this was almost better. They talked a little in-between episodes and it was nice to just lay back and relax. The beginning of the week had been a roller coaster of emotions and this was just what they needed to balance it out. The binging of TV shows and shitty food.

While transitioning from the second season to the third season, they stopped the marathon and lied back in bed, facing the ceiling.

“Wow, I never really realized how fucked up Ross and Rachel’s relationship was,” Dan mumbled, it had been a while since he had seen Friends. Let alone paid attention to the plot.

“Yeah. Poor Ross,” Phil laughed as he responded.

“Poor Ross,” Dan echoed.

“That man has a lot of regrets,” Phil continued.

“Doesn’t everyone?” Dan responded.

“I don’t have many. I try not to do things I regret.”

“Oh come on. You probably have a few regrets,” Dan prodded. “I regret half my life, honestly.”

“I just don’t regret much. I do things and I own them,” Phil shrugged and looked at Dan. “What do you regret?”

“Me?”

“Yeah, you just said you regret half your life. What do you regret?” he asked, suddenly on the verge of a very deep conversation, Dan turned to look at Phil.

“Okay...let me think,” Dan’s eyes shifted around the room, trying to think of a specific example. “I regret letting my little brother take my DS.”

“Your DS?” Phil looked amused.

“Yeah! He took it and now I can’t play Pokemon,” he mumbled, a little embarrassed that he found that so important in the first place.

“Okay, fine. But I meant more like...life regrets. What do you regret not doing? What do you regret being a part of?” Phil steered Dan into a different direction. This was a serious question and Dan was surely not ready to answer it.

“Um...” he hesitated. “Alright...well I regret not dumping that girl before she humiliated me in front of my whole school.”

Phil’s smile and nod was comforting and Dan kept going.

“I regret not branching out more my first semester of Uni. I think I could have met some cool people...” he trailed off a little. “I regret being a law major.”

The last one made Phil’s comforting smile drop. Phil obviously didn’t expect Dan to say that and Dan wasn’t sure why he had even let that slip in the first place. He hadn’t said that out loud before and he sure as hell wasn’t planning on doing it right then. He tucked his chin to his chest, looking down and away from Phil who was saying nothing and looking directly at him. Something about the way Phil was looking at him made him feel suddenly very insecure and he bit his lip.

“I mean...” he wasn’t sure where to go from there so he just dropped it altogether and the silence consumed the two of them.

“I figured,” Phil said quietly after a moment of no speech. Dan’s eyes slowly returned back to the other boy’s gaze in confusion.

“What?”

“The first night I met you, when you were talking about your major, you didn’t seem so into it. I figured then that you might not be so happy with your track,” Phil said calmly, like he was treading very carefully. Dan couldn’t blame him. He had been pretty closed off about the subject in the past. “And then when I was helping you study a few nights after and you...”

Phil cleared his throat and Dan suddenly felt quite guilty.

“...snapped.”

He didn’t finish but Dan knew what he was saying. He sighed and nodded.

“I don’t know. I don’t think law is for me,” he said steadily and he actually felt better. Saying it out loud kind of made the situation less painful.

“So why don’t you switch?” Phil asked, again with docile intent. He was obviously trying to preserve Dan’s feelings and was being gentle about the whole thing.

“I don’t know. I don’t have any other track in mind. I just...I guess I just don’t even know who I am well enough to know what I want to do,” he glanced down again and he shook his head. “But I don’t know, let’s not talk about this right now.”

“Okay, yeah. Sure,” Phil shifted a little and respected Dan’s wishes. This was a conversation they could have another time.

“What about you?” Dan asked, returning his eyes to Phil’s.

“What about me?”

“You said you didn’t regret much. But you probably regret _something_! I told you mine, your turn,” Dan insisted, ready to get the spotlight off himself for once. Phil hesitated as he was thinking. He looked like he was struggling with the idea of telling Dan something. “Oh come on, Phil. I just told you my biggest secret. Whatever you regret can’t be half as bad as that.”

“Okay, okay,” he stated slowly, his voice low and stable. “My most recent regret is telling you that you weren’t my type.”

_Plus Howell, what makes you think you’re even my type?_

Phil’s question echoed in his head once more and he was now very confused. Phil has said a lot of things like this to him since they’ve become friends, why would he regret that specifically?

“Why?” Dan wasn’t sure how to take it so he just asked to be clear.

“Well, I don’t know. I don’t think there’s such thing as a type. And I don’t like the idea that I said something I don’t believe,” Phil admitted. It made sense. Phil was a very honest guy. “And the other night when you asked me about my type, I realized that it had stuck. I just don’t believe in types, that’s all. And I regret telling you I did.”

“Hm,” Dan reflected on the other night when they were talking types and he understood. “That’s fair.”

He smiled at Phil and Phil seemed more relaxed than he had been moments before. Maybe he felt the same way Dan did when he got his regret off of his chest.

“All this talk about regrets is making me feel sappy. The only thing missing from this is a Rom Com,” Dan joked. The light that flashed in Phil’s eyes made Dan want to take back what he said before. Speaking of regrets. “No.”

“Oh come on, Dan! Let’s watch a sappy movie!” Phil smiled and nudged the other boy. “We’ve been eating Doritos and chocolate all day! You’re right, the only thing we are missing is a good Romance film!”

“I hate you.”

“Dan! What a great way to end the day!” the sun had set hours ago. To be fair, they had watched twelve straight hours of Friends since they had awoken. It was nearing their bedtime anyway. One more movie was reasonable.

“I regret becoming friends with you,” Dan muttered as he rolled his eyes. Phil clapped his hands together and pulled his laptop onto the bed. He instantly started searching for a sappy romance movie they could watch together and Dan complained about every choice Phil proposed.

They finally decided on watching Wall-E as a compromise. Dan insisted that it counted as a love story and Phil reluctantly agreed. He set up the movie on his laptop and turned out the light. In order for both men to see the screen, they were sitting awfully close. Not that Dan wasn’t used to this by now, but he was extra sensitive to the fact that they were watching a romantic movie together and it threw his brain off. Not to mention, about a third into the film, Phil scooted even closer and leaned his head on Dan’s shoulder. Dan honestly didn’t mind and when he leaned his own head on Phil’s, he couldn’t help but smile at the close feeling. He hadn’t realized how long it had been since he had been actually intimate with a partner. He had been thinking a lot about his ex recently and it was only making him feel lonelier. If he didn’t have Phil, he was sure that he would die of loneliness.

He must have been feeling extra needy because towards the end of the film he realized that he had let Phil wrap his arm around his shoulder and his hand slip into Phil’s. It was Phil, so it was normal. Dan usually didn’t like it when Phil was super physically close with him, but Dan wanted someone in this way so badly that he allowed it and even leaned into the touch a little. He thought he even saw Phil cry a little during one scene. Next thing he knew, he was drifting to sleep in Phil’s slight embrace to the uplifting ending of Wall-E. He only woke when the credits rolled and Phil shifted a bit. Dan looked at the older boy who said nothing as he moved his computer off the bed, removed his glasses and shimmied himself under the covers. Dan followed suit and Phil looked at Dan sleepily.

They were much closer than the night before, Phil on the very edge of his pillow and Dan on the edge of his. Phil’s eyes locked with Dan’s and he looked like he was contemplating something. Dan was about to ask, but it seemed he didn’t need to. Phil lifted his arm and wrapped it around Dan’s form, pulling him into his chest. Dan didn’t fight the movement and this seemed to almost shock Phil as he hesitated before resting his chin on top of Dan’s head. If Dan wasn’t thinking about how lonely he was, this would have been a major breach in Dan’s comfortability. He wasn’t the cuddling type at all. Not even with his past girlfriend. For some reason though, right here and right now, there was a mutual agreement. Both boys were feeling particularly desperate and what’s a little cuddling between friends? Nothing, right?

Dan let out a long sigh and adjusted himself so that he was properly curled into Phil. He closed his eyes and felt the other boy’s arm’s around him. Phil’s heartbeat was pumping directly next to Dan’s ear and he smiled at the thought of it lulling him to sleep. Phil intertwined their legs as he found his comfortable spot and they lied there still for a moment. The darkness engulfed their forms as they breathed slowly, not wanting to ruin the moment just yet with words.

“Thanks, Dan,” Phil finally spoke, his mouth moving against Dan’s hair.

“Goodnight, Phil,” Dan said softly, nodding a little in response to his friend. That day hadn’t been that bad. He didn’t regret a single thing.


	11. Chapter 11

His eyes fluttered open as he registered what was happening. Phil’s arms were wrapped around him from behind, Dan’s arse was pressed against Phil’s body and Phil was breathing slowly into Dan’s neck. Dan couldn’t help but shudder a little as he distanced himself slightly from his friend. He didn’t like anyone touching or getting near his neck and he wasn’t about to let his asleep friend breathe on it.

He thought through the night before and he slowly rose from the bed. Phil was starting to stir and he was glad he didn’t have to shake his friend awake like yesterday morning. He stood a few feet from the bed as he stretched out his limbs andforced his body awake.

“I’m gonna go grab some cereal,” Dan declared as he turned to walk out the door. “Want me to grab you some?”

“Yes please!” Phil’s groggy voice called after him and he gave a thumbs up as he ran down the stairs and to the kitchen. He returned with the bowls and some spoons, sitting cross legged on the bed. “Thanks.”

“No problem,” Dan answered with a mouth full of cereal. It was nice to be eating real food and not just sweets for breakfast.

“I’m glad I have a friend that knows my milk-to-cereal ratio,” Phil spoke as he chomped on his breakfast.

“Lucky guess,” Dan said with a smile. He slurped his milk the way he knew Phil hated and laughed when his friend shoved him a little. “You made me spill milk on your sheets, you dingus!”

“Get better balance,” Phil scolded in a playful way. He finished off the rest of his cereal and placed the empty bowl on the side table. “I’m going to go take a shower. Don’t spill anymore cereal on my bed please.”

Dan rolled his eyes and nodded. He ate the rest of his cereal in silence, thinking about how they eventually had to return to school. It was nearing the end of the week and he just wasn’t ready. He wanted to stay here in this empty house with Phil for the rest of eternity. His friend had taken such good care of him and they had been having so much fun. Dan couldn’t get sick of Phil and it didn’t seem like that would change anytime soon. He reflected upon the night before and how he fell asleep in his friend’s arms. To any other person, that kind of contact between friends might have been pretty strange but Dan couldn’t help but smile when he thought about how he had slept better than any other night there so far. Phil’s arms wrapped around his form was comforting and as much as he hated to admit, it felt kind of nice. Phil seemed like he knew how to hold another person, and honestly he probably did. Suddenly the thought of Phil with another boy crept up into his mind and decided to stop thinking about it.

His mind wandered in a few directions, checking off his mental list of homework and making sure he had done it all. He thought about their video and how the views had literally shot up double since the first night. The comments continued to be kind and encouraging and it made him happy to know people at least liked him. He had been so nervous. Now he knew how Phil felt when he uploaded his videos. How Phil remained so humble, he didn’t know.

Phil came into the room, freshly showered with a towel around his waist.

“Allll yours,” he sang, gesturing towards the bathroom. Dan blinked after maybe staring a little too long at his friend’s bare chest, then got up and waddled to the bathroom. He was still tired, clearly.

They spent the next half an hour straightening their hair and getting dressed, planning on making a trip to the Starbucks in town, if anything, as an excuse to leave the house. The boys both discussed how cooped up thy felt inside. Some coffee and lunch couldn’t hurt.

“So have you ever wanted to live anywhere else?” Dan asked as they passed by the various shops downtown. He was admiring the smallness of the little city and watched as Phil interacted with the place he had grown up getting to know.

“Nah,” his eyes seemed to reflect the pride he felt for his northern heritage and Dan just nodded and continued looking around. Phil told Dan they would be heading to another one of his favorite spots for lunch and he couldn’t help but get excited for the chance to experience a place Phil held so dearly. But first, Starbucks. Phil knew that once the promise for extremely caffeinated and sugary drinks was made, there was no taking it back. Plus, Phil was useless in the morning without his cup of coffee, so it was a necessary trip.

They made it to the counter and breathed in the smell of freshly ground coffee. There was something about this Starbucks, in Phil’s small town, that made the coffee taste better and smell better than the Starbucks at Uni. Dan couldn’t explain it and maybe it was just the association he had with Phil that made it so wonderful. He didn’t know.

“Two Grande Caramel Macchiatos please,” Phil said to the barista who quickly wrote down and sent their orders to the back, taking Phil’s money. He turned around to face Dan and they stepped to the side to wait for their orders. Dan didn’t try to fight Phil about the payment, he would just offer to get the lunch bill later. Phil swayed back and forth a little as his eyes scanned the place like he did in most places. Phil seemed to take in every detail of a place when they went, admiring the beauty. Dan instead stared at Phil’s face and admired the color of his eyes, as he often did, jealous of the way the color amplified with the aid of the sunlight.

As he was watching the other boy’s eyes travel the room, he watched as they widened and lit up.

“No way,” he muttered, the corners of his mouth turning up. Dan turned to face the direction in which Phil was staring, not sure what Phil’s eyes had landed on.

“What?”

“I think I know that guy,” Phil squinted a little to double check and make sure he was right, then he nodded. “Yeah, I definitely know that guy!”

Before Dan could even ask, Phil crossed the room in less than a second, using his long legs to his advantage. Dan watched him from the counter as Phil approached the guy and tapped on his shoulder. The guy looked up at the black haired boy now standing above where he was seated, taking a moment to register that it was indeed Phil, then he got up and pulled the other boy into a tight embrace. Dan watched the interaction from across the restaurant, not wanting to get closer. How did Phil know this guy? To be fair, Phil knew most of the people in this town. This was probably just another dude he saw all the time.

Dan heard their drinks get called and he grabbed them. He wasn’t sure if he was invited to go over to the reunion so he stayed put by the counter, waiting pathetically for Phil to return. However, it dawned on Dan that Phil didn’t look like he was going anywhere anytime soon so he took a seat by the window and sipped his drink alone as he watched the two talk. Phil used a lot of hand gestures anyway, but this was almost ridiculous. His arms were flying everywhere, his body jittering with excitement as he laughed and reached out to grab the other boy’s shoulder.

Dan then found himself gazing at the other boy. His chestnut brown hair and striking blue eyes caught Dan off guard. This boy was beautiful. He was wearing a light purple jumper and some relatively tight white jeans. Phil almost had to touch his chin to his chest to look at the other boy, he was so short. The boy’s smile was full and his eyebrows raised when he used it. Dan cocked his head and sipped his scalding drink, scorching the roof of his mouth and watching the interaction.

Phil talked for what seemed like forever before he seemed to realize that he had come into the Starbucks with someone other than the one in front of him. Dan could see the moment this thought popped up into his head as his gaze broke from the boy in front of him. He swept the room with his eyes and found Dan sitting in the corner with their drinks, having looked away just in time for Phil’s eyes to meet him. Phil turned back around and said something to the other boy, then he nodded and started walking towards Dan. Dan straightened a little when he realized Phil was coming back over, but instead of sitting down, Phil remained standing and picked up his drink.

“Hey. Come meet my old friend,” he smiled, gesturing towards the blue eyed boy and waiting for Dan to stand.

Dan didn’t like people. He had made this very clear to Phil when they first met. Meeting new people was always a struggle for him and even though he liked Phil and was comfortable with Phil, it wasn’t something that came naturally to him as it might most people. Dan swallowed and stood. Not only was he unprepared, he had just spent the whole week with one person, one-on-one and wasn’t exactly ready to jump right into socializing with people he didn’t know. As he walked behind Phil the distance needed to cross the Starbucks, he tried to calm his nerves. His feet landed a couple feet in front of the shorter male who already had his hand out for Dan to shake. He took the handshake and smiled politely.

“Dan, this is Troye Sivan. We went to secondary together. He was one of my very best friends,” Phil winked at the other boy and suddenly Dan felt uneasy.

“Hi,” he managed to squeak out and he looked at Phil in an attempt to read his facial features.

“It’s nice to meet you,” Troye responded and Dan’s eyes flew open. Not only was this boy adorable on all accounts, he had an Australian accent. This boy was nothing short of perfect.

“I met Dan this year at Uni. He came home with me for spring break,” Phil explained to Troye who was looking at Dan in an engaged way.

“Well a friend of Phil’s is a friend of mine,” Troye gleamed. Dan nodded in response.

“Troye is home for his break as well. This is the first time he’s come home since he left three years ago! I still can’t believe it’s actually you standing here! It’s been so long!” Phil exclaimed. He started the conversation looking at Dan but had eventually shifted to talking to the other boy. “We were about to go get lunch, you know, at the little sandwich place on the corner. Would you consider joining us?”

Dan pursed his lips in an attempt to keep his face from going sour. The last thing he needed was another person tagging along on his day. Maybe he was being petty, but shouldn’t Phil have asked him before inviting someone along?

“Would that be okay with you, Dan?” Troye asked, both boys now looking at him. Now this guy had the right idea.

“Yeah! Totally. Of course,” he lied, trying not to seem obvious. They didn’t seem to notice his discomfort and Phil turned to Troye with a smile.

“Great!” he clapped his hands together and sipped from his probably cold drink.

The three of them made it out of the shop and walked down the sidewalk slowly. Dan had finished his drink long ago, but Phil had just started his. He and Troye were still chatting and talking about their lack of contact over the years. Dan pieced together the information, seeing as neither really cared to explain to him how they met. As he understood it, they were both in the tenth year when they were assigned a project together. Dan picked up on the fact that Troye had moved from Australia to England and Phil was his first friend in the UK. Apparently when they went off to University, the two just lost touch and as Phil kept saying it, “regretted not picking up the phone”. They seemed like pretty solid friends and this intimidated Dan. Not only did this guy seem much more interesting than Dan, he had the advantage of time. He knew Phil first. Dan had no leg to stand on in this competition. It wasn’t a competition though. Right?

Dan trailed a tad behind, watching the legs in front of him. It was only a two person sidewalk anyway, he told himself. It didn’t really matter. Dan had Phil all to himself most of the week, he told himself to suck it up and let Phil have his fun.

When they reached the little sandwich place, Dan instantly regretted agreeing to his company. They walked in and the two immediately started reminiscing on the many good times they had there together. Going in after school and using their saved up lunch funds to pay for a sandwich they split. They ordered their “regulars” and Dan just got what Phil did, their tastes were similar enough. Phil was loud and ecstatic and if Dan didn’t know any better, he would guess that he was flirting with this boy. Dan hadn’t really seen Phil flirt, they never really spent a whole lot of time with others, but Dan assumed this couldn’t be the case. Phil never talked about this boy. Not once. Dan thought about this as he sat at the table watching the two giggle together. He didn’t act the same around his secondary friends as he did around Phil, maybe this was the same idea. Phil was allowed to have other friends.

He wasn’t really a part of their conversation, only really responding with light smiles and laughs at the appropriate times. He was hoping he wasn’t being obvious. The last thing he wanted was Phil to think he was being rude to one of his friends. He wasn’t really interested in what the two were talking about, and neither would spend the time to fill him in. He didn’t get most of the jokes and it was probably better that way.

At one point, after they got their food, there was a moment where Troye seemed to recognize Dan being left out. Dan was playing with a piece of lettuce that had fallen from the bottom of his sandwich and ripping it apart slowly. He wasn’t really that hungry. Dan noticed the other boy’s gaze shift to Dan as Phil was telling a story about his freshman year, one that Dan had already heard. When Phil finished the story, Troye spoke. Not to Phil, but to Dan.

“So what’s your major?” he asked. Dan had to fight every bone in his body not to snap at the beautiful boy in front of him. He glanced at Phil who looked a little guilty, not really knowing how to jump in and save Dan at this point. Phil knew Dan didn’t like to talk about his major, especially after the conversation they had the night before.

“Law,” Dan said shortly, trying a smile.

“Oh that’s neat!” Troye said with an endearing tone. “How did you meet Phil then?”

Now that Dan thought about it, it’s weird that question hadn’t come up earlier. Here they have spent almost an hour and a half with this boy and he had yet to ask Dan or Phil how the two of them met. Dan took a deep breath.

“We uh...” his eyes shifted to Phil, he was nervous though he didn’t know why. It felt like he had to prove something to this other guy. “We ran into each other after a party.”

He kept his response short, not really knowing what else to say. Was he supposed to explain how he didn’t want anything to do with Phil at first until he desperately needed help with studying for an exam? Without all that, his story seemed sort of boring. He could live with that though, as long as he didn’t have to make much conversation.

Troye nodded his head and it seemed he picked up on the fact that Dan wasn’t much of a talker. That, or he was really uncomfortable. Dan hoped he didn’t think the latter. He was trying really hard to just seem like the _quiet guy_.

The lunch carried on as it had before, not even Phil tried to reach out to Dan. It seemed that Dan was a third wheel to this lunch, he could have evaporated and the two boys with equally blue eyes wouldn’t have noticed. He sipped his water and watched his new best friend converse with an old one. Troye offered to pay for Phil’s meal as an apology for going so long without calling. Phil graciously accepted and their bill went from three checks to two.

Finally, after what felt like ages, the boys stood up and Dan realized they were saying their goodbyes. Troye had to be somewhere later and that made Dan feel a little bit better, at least Phil couldn’t invite him over to hang out. His heartbeat slowed and he released his clutched fists.

“It was nice meeting you, mate,” Troye said to Dan extending another awkward handshake.

“Oh yeah, you too,” Dan responded with the most out of character cheerful voice possible. He shook the other boy’s small hand and smiled, attempting to be friendly. After shaking Dan’s hand, Troye stepped towards Phil and embraced him in a 7 second hug. Not that Dan was counting. The boy grabbed Phil’s phone from his pocket and typed in a number. His number, Dan guessed.

“Text me, Philly,” he smiled with a wink. The nickname made Dan cringe. For some reason, it bothered him.

“Sure thing! Good luck with finals! I know you’ll do fine on your Econ exam!” Phil spouted something about school. Something Dan had missed while he was trying not to listen. They all left the shop and Troye walked one way while the other two boys started the other way, towards the bus stop.

They walked quietly. Dan read the silence as awkward for what felt like the first time since they had arrived at Phil’s home. He walked with his hands in his pockets, trying to think of anything but the blue eyed boy. Both blue eyed boys.

“Wow.” Phil spoke when they actually climbed onto the bus. It had been a fifteen minute walk from the sandwich place to the bus stop, and neither of them had said a single word. Dan turned to Phil, giving him the attention he assumed he wanted. “I used to have such a crush on that guy.”

That was it. Dan’s heart dropped and he couldn’t figure out why. His eyes fell to the floor of the bus. It all made sense now. So that _was_ flirting that he saw. Phil was acting strange. It wasn’t just his imagination. He looked back up at Phil and smiled, trying to hide his sadness. Not even he knew why he was so upset about all this. Troye seemed pretty cool. Maybe he felt threatened? Troye had proved to be one of Phil’s best friends and proved to Dan that he was an interesting guy.

“I could tell, you flirt,” he decided to joke. Maybe making this whole thing less serious would help him get over the pit in his stomach.

“Oh my god, was it that obvious? He was everything to me in Secondary school. I swear, that boy changed my life,” Phil continued on with awe. The words kept hitting Dan in the stomach, like a painful reminder that Dan wasn’t as good as this beautiful boy. That he wasn’t good enough for Phil. He was nothing like Troye. He was boring. What did Phil see in Dan that kept him around? Was he only a place filler? One that could be shoved aside when a better model showed up? “I can’t believe we ran into him today. I thought I would never see him again.”

“Me neither,” Dan contributed, even though he got the sense that Phil wasn’t really looking for his input.

“It’s really cool that he’s moving back home after he graduates this year. He’ll be much closer then and we can all hang out!” Phil smiled. Dan was probably supposed to know that, if he had listened to the conversation in the sandwich shop, which he hadn’t. Luckily Phil turned to look out the window and it gave Dan a moment to make a face.

Before Dan could even muster a response, Phil’s phone beeped and Phil almost squealed. And so it began.

 

-

 

After hours of being home, Phil was still hopelessly attached to his phone. The two had been texting back and forth nearly all afternoon. Dan tried to play some Mario Kart with Phil but he kept pausing it or putting the controller down to respond to a text. Instead, Dan suggested they stop playing and watch a movie. Phil was barely paying attention to that either and kept asking Dan what was going on, in which he would respond with one word answers, not wanting to miss the movie himself. It was a nightmare. Dan didn’t understand this. Phil was one of the most understanding people on the planet. He usually saw every single angle of a situation and was very good at considering the people around him. For some reason, Phil wasn’t doing any of this. All sense of Dan’s inclusive and happy Phil had gone and Dan kind of hated it. It was one thing to put a love interest above a friend every once and a while, but this? Practically ignoring someone all day? That wasn’t fair.

They, well really Dan, made mac and cheese for dinner and Dan sat on the couch in the living room with his bowl, turning on the TV and expecting Phil to come sit with him and watch while they ate like usual. Instead, Phil stood in the kitchen shoveling his food into his mouth, his eyes glued to his phone. When Phil realized Dan had paused the episode of Friends for him, he called into the living room telling him to go ahead and he’ll be there “in a moment”. A few moments went by and Phil was now sitting on the counter, texting.

Dan sunk into the couch and tried to contemplate why this was such a problem. Dan should be happy for Phil. This was a good thing. If this were Dan, if Dan had found someone he liked, he would expect the same from Phil. But Dan hadn’t found someone. And Phil had. He hadn’t thought it would be this soon. Sure, he expected his good looking friend to find someone eventually, but he thought he at least had Phil to himself over break. Before he lost his best friend the way he seemed to be losing him now.

What was it about Troye that bothered him so much? He was just some guy. Yeah, he may have been more interesting than Dan, but most people were. He may have been more good looking, but why should that matter to Dan? Yes, he was worried about losing his best friend, but Phil went to school with Dan, not Troye. Phil got to see Dan every day, not Troye. He had already won Phil, so why did Troye’s presence make Dan feel like he was going to throw up?

Granted, the two had been pretty rude at lunch today. He didn’t necessarily want to be included but they didn’t even try. And Dan was slightly disappointed in Phil. He had been so blind and focused on his old friend that he hadn’t noticed Dan fading into the background. That was normally something Phil was really good at, not that Dan liked to admit it. When Dan was upset, Phil knew. He could read Dan like a book. So how was it that they had an entire lunch without Phil saying so much as a paragraph to the younger boy?

What was wrong with him? Why couldn’t he let this go?

He pouted to himself for a while before getting up from the couch and going upstairs. It wasn’t even late, barely 9:00, but he felt like he wanted to sleep. He was thinking too much and his head kind of hurt. He dismissed all of his angst about the situation on being tired and decided it was just him overreacting to Phil not paying attention to him. Maybe he was spoiled? Phil was entitled to his own life. Dan wasn’t always going to be the center of attention. He had been for a week, maybe it was time he let his friend have some space? Maybe Phil was sick of him? He changed into his pajamas and paced for a few moments before climbing into Phil’s bed. There was something that felt very wrong about lying in that bed, like he was suddenly not invited. But Phil had put the blankets from the couch away and it would have seemed quite strange if he had decided to sleep on the couch. The less Phil knew about his problem, the better. He really didn’t want _that_ kind of attention.

He turned out the light beside the bed and sighed slowly as he curled into a little ball. At this point, he was so bored that wallowing was actually an activity. He was letting the self pity wrap around him and he wasn’t sure why.

Around 10:30, Dan was just about done thinking himself into a hole. He had shut his eyes and was just about to fall asleep when Phil traveled into the room.

“There you are!” he said enthusiastically as he spotted the lump in his sheets. He jumped on the bed and his weight made Dan flinch as he bounced a little on the mattress. If he was close to forgetting about that day, he sure as hell wasn’t now. He opened his eyes and glanced at the smiling boy at his feet. He noticed that Phil’s phone had migrated from his hands, where it had been all day, to his pocket. It was quite late, maybe Troye had gone to bed.

“Hi,” Dan muttered with a slight smile. He wasn’t sure what to say so he left it at the greeting.

“One second you were in the living room and the next you were up here! What are you doing? It’s not even eleven,” Phil shook him a little. Yeah, one second. More like three hours. Dan nodded his head, taking the less invasive route, lying.

“I was tired. We did a lot today,” he tried, but Phil wasn’t having it.

“What are you talking about? We just went for lunch then played Mario Kart for a few hours. We watched like, one movie,” he shrugged sarcastically and eyed the younger boy who was searching for something to deepen the lie. He wasn’t about to play the sick card. Not on Phil. He didn’t deserve that again.

“I don’t know. I’m just tired,” he tried again. Phil’s face went from playful to serious and Dan didn’t like what that meant. He flinched a little as he just lowered his eyes and waited.

“Dan, what has got into you?”

Here we go.

“You were fine this morning, but the rest of the day you’ve been super mopey. I mean, you were so quiet today at lunch. I thought at first that maybe it was just me but poor Troye thought you didn’t like him! Why didn’t you try to talk to him? I mean, I get that you don’t like meeting new people but Troye is super important to me. Can’t you see that? Couldn’t you have at least tried?” Phil talked at Dan. _Poor Troye_. Dan couldn’t believe his ears. “We got back from lunch and you didn’t even want to finish playing Mario Kart, we watched a movie and you barely talked to me, now you’re lying here telling me that you’re tired? I mean, really mate, what’s your problem?”

Dan stared up in disbelief at this friend.

“Dan, talk to me. What the hell has got into you?” Phil’s attention was one hundred percent on Dan now. Hell, it was more attention than he’d received all week. He was on the spot. But there was no way out. He could tell the truth and confuse both himself and Phil, but Phil would only think he was blaming him and that wouldn’t go over well. Or Dan could lie, again, and tell him he was just having a bad day or something. Maybe tell him that a family member called while he went to get cereal that morning and told him some bad news. It wouldn’t be convincing but maybe it was worth a shot.

Before he could even consider picking an option, the older boy furrowed his brow and spoke again.

“I think I at least deserve an apology,” he mumbled and crossed his arms, clearly getting frustrated with Dan.

That was it. Dan was trying not to get mad and understand his friend, but he couldn’t make up any more excuses for him. He was being an ass. He didn’t want to be mad at Phil. Phil was his best friend. The best friend he’s _ever_ had. He had been impossibly good to Dan and every part of Dan wanted to sit up and hug the other, grasping on and never letting go. But now was not the time. Phil had crossed the line of being simply oblivious, to downright disrespectful. Sure he was the guest, but this was _their_ week. And how dare Phil ask for an apology for something that was mostly his fault?

Sure, Dan could have tried harder. Maybe he had a few things he needed to work out, but Phil was dropping the ball on their friendship big time. He wanted to tell Phil how offended he was but he didn’t even know where to start. Maybe all of this was in his head. Was it even worth bringing up? Maybe it was a fight they didn’t need to have. Dan closed his eyes as he thought through this. He could feel Phil’s glare through his eyelids.

“I’m sorry,” he managed to say, holding back the flood of a response he thought might break through his clasped lips at any moment. Phil looked at him, appearing angrier, which Dan didn’t think was possible.

“You’re sorry?” Phil asked, letting out a huff of disbelief. Dan wanted to end his life. He felt so trapped. He didn’t know what was better, telling Phil that he wanted more attention like a child, or just leaving it at _sorry_ and letting Phil stay mad. “Are you sure that’s it?”

What more could there be?

“I think I know what’s wrong,” he said in a petty and vindictive tone. “I think you’re _jealous_.”

Dan froze. He didn’t like that word. Surely that wasn’t it.

Phil had got up and crossed the room to his side of the bed. He leaned over and grabbed his pillow.

“I think you’re jealous of Troye because he knew me first,” Phil stated. His calm and chipper Phil voice was long gone, what replaced it was ugly and sharp. Painful. He opened his closet and grabbed a blanket from it as he crossed the room to the door. “It’s the only explanation for the way you were acting today. It’s no excuse though, Dan.”

Dan’s eyes started to water. Phil knew him really well, but not _that_ well. Not well enough to make an assumption like that. Phil had no idea how hurtful those words were.

“I’m going to sleep on the couch tonight, see you in the morning,” Phil slammed the door behind him and left Dan curled into a little ball on the bed. He was in shock. Not just that, but he felt like the man that just left the room wasn’t the man that had come in.

Dan lied in Phil’s bed feeling wrong. He felt like Phil had just hit him physically. He exhaled a long and broken up breath that faded into a sob. He closed his eyes, trying not to be the guy who cried in his friend’s bed. But he was. He was that guy and that was one of the many reasons he wasn’t as good as Troye.


	12. Chapter 12

Waking up in Phil’s bed wasn’t the same when Phil wasn’t there. It was totally different. Dan silently hoped that when he opened his eyes, he would be transported into a world where their fight didn’t happen, they never met up with Troye and the nightmare would be over. As he opened his eyes and Phil remained missing, he closed them again with a little groan.

He was going to have to fix this. He couldn’t let Phil stay mad at him. Especially because he felt he did nothing wrong. Most of the time, he scolded himself for not communicating. He was bad at it, he knew. But with Phil, he could always tell him. And after more than enough mistakes, he thought he had become pretty good at talking to his friend. However, the Phil that was talking to him yesterday, was not the Phil he had been practicing with. This was not the Phil that accepted Dan’s fears with open arms. This was Phil with another guy. One that he probably liked more than Dan. One that he probably cared about more than Dan.

His train of thought stopped when he heard footsteps outside the door. They walked down the hallway, stopped by the bedroom door, then continued on towards the bathroom after a moment of hesitation. Dan exhaled the breath he was holding and the hope that Phil would come in and fix things with his calm and reassuring Phil voice faded. It was up to Dan. That wasn’t comforting at all.

Turns out, Phil had gone to take a shower. Dan heard the water turn on and used it as an excuse to make his way downstairs. He kept his pajamas on and started a pot of coffee. His head hurt and he hoped it might fix it. He made two cups, one for him and one for Phil. Maybe it would help his case. He sat at the breakfast bar and sipped at his hot drink, not caring that he was burning his tongue.

When Phil finally skipped downstairs, he stopped when he saw Dan sitting there quietly in the kitchen. He had placed the second mug across from him, waiting for Phil to come in and take it. Luckily, he knew Phil couldn’t resist coffee, even when he was most upset.

“Morning,” Dan said, trying to sound as calm as possible. Phil ignored him, as Dan guessed he would as he sat across from the younger boy. The whole situation was strange. Dan and Phil, not talking, sitting across from each other in the kitchen, watching the other drink their coffee. “Can I uh...talk to you for a second?”

Dan swallowed every inch of his fear and sucked in a single confident breath. When Phil didn’t answer, but stopped drinking to look up at the other, he took it as his queue.

“So, yesterday,” he started slow, not wanting to say the wrong thing. This could get messy really fast. He reminded himself to stay truthful and tell the whole story. “I got angry.”

Phil’s face twisted with surprise. He probably wasn’t expecting that. He had been so blind to everything else, Dan suspected as much.

“We went to get coffee and I admit I was startled by the addition of another person to our outing, as you know I’m terrified of meeting new people...” he blushed a little and chuckled nervously to break the tension. “..but then, yeah. I guess I felt a little jealous that this guy knew you better than I knew you. But that’s fine, you have your life and I can respect that..”

Phil was watching carefully, probably confused as to where this was going.

“But, you know me well. And I guess I was kind of upset when you didn’t sense how uncomfortable I was. You know how hard it is for me to socialize with new people. Even when I know those people are important to someone I care about...it doesn’t change how nervous I get. I kind of felt like you were using that to your advantage as you were catching up with your fr-” he stopped because at this point he wasn’t sure what to call the other boy. “erm, Troye.”

Dan focused on looking into Phil’s blue eyes, the ones that always seemed to calm him down.

“I felt a little left out I guess. But in the end, that part doesn’t really matter. It was after...when we got home. I know I’ve been hanging out with you all week and I really don’t have a reason to complain, but it felt like all you cared about was your phone. We tried playing video games but you kept pausing to text and it stopped being fun,” Dan bit his lip and paused for a moment, scared that blaming Phil might come back and bite him in the butt later, but he pressed on. “Then we watched a movie, which you missed half of because of your constant texting...I’m not even sure you noticed after dinner I watched Friends for three hours without you while you sat in here and texted Troye.”

Dan could see Phil’s face change from confused to sympathetic. It must have been working. He spoke so softly and carefully. It was very out of character but it had to be done and he continued.

“I felt like maybe Troye was more important to you than I was...which is fine. That makes sense. And if you need your space, just say so. But doing both at the same time wasn’t working. So maybe it is jealousy...but Troye is more to you than a friend, right? I’m not jealous of _that_...I just, thought this week was really fun and I wasn’t ready for it to end so soon...” Dan struggled with his ability to talk about his feelings. He had just been thinking about how he never wanted to leave. He intended to stretch his last couple days as much as he possibly could, and then Troye showed up and put the week to an end faster than Dan could comprehend.

Phil’s face had now gone from sympathetic to hurt. Phil wasn’t stupid. Maybe oblivious and maybe yesterday he was slightly influenced by his attention being somewhere else, but Dan could tell that this was all Phil. One hundred percent of Phil was looking at Dan right now and Dan was hurting him right back.

“At the end of the night I just wanted to sleep and I went to bed feeling kind of sad because I’ve never had a best friend before and...” he stopped. He didn’t factor in his weak mental state when he planned this conversation. He started to tear up. “I just didn’t want to lose you.”

Dan looked into Phil’s icy blue eyes for about a millisecond more before he dropped his head and stared at his lap. He bit his lip in an attempt not to cry.

“And then you yelled at me for...whatever. Making _Troye_ mad, and I wasn’t sure how to tell you all this without opening up my own insecurities...” he spoke to his lap. “But if this is the only way to keep our friendship...”

He heard Phil sniffle and his head shot up. Phil was crying. Dan gave Phil a look of concern and he held his breath for a moment as he examined the older boy. He had not anticipated this. Did he say something wrong?

“I’m so sorry, Dan,” Phil said, obviously trying hard to hold back the tears. “You’re right.”

Dan said nothing and watched Phil wipe the wet from his eyes with his sleeve.

“I was so stupid. I can’t believe I did that to you,” he looked as if he was reflecting on the whole experience all over again. “Oh my god, I really _did_ ignore you all day, didn’t I?”

“I mean...it’s okay. Troye is important to you. I just wanted you to understand why I was feeling so-”

“No. It’s not okay. I invited you here to spend the week with _me_ and I just totally abandoned you yesterday...” he shook his head and placed his face in his hands. “Oh my god. I’m so sorry.”

“No, Phil, it’s okay. I just-” Dan tried to explain that it was mostly his own fears that were causing the problem but Phil seemed angry with himself. This went deeper than even Dan could comprehend.

“Troye is not more important than you, Dan,” Phil said with the most sincere voice Dan had ever heard him speak. It was hard not to believe him.

“Well, he knew you first. You guys are good friends. I understand-”

“Dan. You are in _every_ way, more important to me than Troye,” Phil reached out and touched Dan’s arm. He flinched a little at the contact but he watched as the older boy stared at him. “Please believe me. I got really wrapped up in reliving something that I used to have, that I totally ignored what I have now...”

Dan blinked.

“I thought you liked Troye? You told me you had a crush on him,” Dan quizzed.

“Used to,” Phil corrected. “I guess when I saw him yesterday, I just got too excited and it came back to me. I think I was really desperate to forget about-”

He stopped. Dan watched the boy go red and he looked at the wall behind Dan.

“I’m sorry, okay? You’re right,” Phil whispered. Dan looked at his friend, not wanting to open up the conversation again, glad that the two were over this. Dan’s stomach felt much better without the pit in it.

Phil stood and walked over to Dan, wrapping his arms around the younger boy. His warm embrace comforted him and his mind transported to their cuddling in bed and how good it felt to be held like this. He hummed into Phil’s shoulder involuntarily and smiled, hoping the other boy could feel it. Their hug lasted 9 seconds. Not that he was counting.

 

-

 

After that, their day went pretty smoothly. Phil took out his phone _once_ to text Troye and tell him that he was busy hanging out with Dan and talking wasn’t going to be likely on their last few days in town. He wanted to spend them with Dan.

Dan wanted to see the look on Troye’s face when he got _those_ texts, but he kept that to himself, trying to convince his mind the feelings weren’t jealousy. Why was he so possessive of Phil? It didn’t make sense to him.

The two boys sat on Phil’s couch and watched the episodes of Friends that Phil missed and Dan teased him a couple times about it, playful as it was, it made Dan feel better knowing that his friend felt bad. That night had been miserable and it was only fair.

They spent their day lounging and talking and discussing their favorite desserts, trying to decide if it was possible to make a cake out of the ingredients in Phil’s pantry. Phil was ambitious and said they could while Dan was absolutely sure they’d burn down the place.

Just as the sun made it under the horizon line though, their luck ran out and the universe threw a curve ball at them. They were right in the middle of a heated Mario Kart race when the lights flickered and the power went out. It wasn’t even storming, yet there they were, mid race when the TV switched off and Dan yelled in frustration because he was just starting to gain on Phil.

“Shit!” Phil jumped in response to Dan’s disappointment and he heard the generator of the house stop in it’s tracks.

“Phil?” Dan’s amused smile could be heard even though he knew Phil couldn’t see him. “What just happened?”

“The power went out,” Phil sighed and scratched the back of his head. Dan laughed.

“Does this uh...happen often?” he asked the other, wondering why today, of all days, it had to go out. The pitch black room enveloped the two, their eyes adjusting and trying to make out basic shapes.

“Not often. Once or twice a year maybe. It just means they’re working on the lines,” Phil sighed heavily as he got up and stumbled into the kitchen. He returned with a few glass objects, Dan could hear them clinking, then he identified them as candles when Phil struck a match. “I’m sorry.”

“No, don’t be,” Dan smiled, his face lit with the flickering light. “I was getting bored with the game anyway. We both know I was gonna win.”

He winked at the panicked looking Phil, who seemed to ease up with Dan’s joke.

“We could play a board game?” Dan suggested, knowing how nerdy he must have sounded. But if he knew Phil, he knew he would have a game or two lying around somewhere. Sure enough, the older boy’s eyes lit up and he nodded.

“Okay. Are you sure? I’m the master of board games in this house,” he gloated.

“We’ll see about that,” Dan challenged as Phil ran off with a candle in his hand to grab a couple games from the closet. Dan blew lightly on the wick of the candle on the coffee table while he sat on the floor and waited. He watched the shadow dance on the wall of the living room. Phil soon returned with a few choices.

“Okay, so we have Monopoly, Cranium, Jenga, or Chutes and Ladders,” Phil listed the options to his companion.

“Phil, how are we supposed to play _Jenga_ in the dark?”

“By candlelight!” Phil defended, clearly seeing a possible solution.

“Okay, Phil. Let’s see what you got then,” he cracked his knuckles and grabbed the Jenga. “Jenga is my favorite.”

“Fine. But I will warn you,” Phil started. “This isn’t regular Jenga. This is _Truth or Dare_ Jenga.”

“What the fuck is that?” Dan asked, looking at the box that he couldn’t quite read. He made the same face he always did when Phil showed him something ridiculous. “How are those two games related?”

“Well, each block is either red or black. The red ones have dares written on them and the black ones have truths. When you pull the block, you read the question and fulfill it’s request,” Phil explained to the boy before him, giving light jazz hands at the end of his explanation in an attempt to get Dan hyped. Dan couldn’t believe that this game existed, but he was now far more intrigued than he had been before. They couldn’t not play now. “We don’t have to play the truth or dare part, but-”

“No, no. I’m game. Let’s do it,” he said, rubbing his hands together, placing the box on the coffee table and carefully pulling it up and over the tower that was pre-built neatly inside. They were both sat at eye level of the coffee table, ready to go. He looked at the tower of multicolored blocks and grinned. “You’re going down, Lester.”

“Okay, Howell. Whatever you say,” his smirk was still evident even under poor lighting. “Why don’t you go first.”

“Sure thing,” Dan winked at Phil and then took his first choice. A red one. He wanted to start out bold. “Dare: Spin around ten times fast.”

He stood up and outstretched his arms to make sure there was nothing in his way as he started to spin.

“Oh my god, are they all gonna be this easy?” he finished his tenth spin and sat back down, wobbling a little bit and glaring at Phil.

“I’m surprised you got one of the more pleasant ones. Some of these can get a little...weird,” Phil chuckled.

“What do you mean _weird_?”

“I don’t know. I wasn’t allowed to play this game when I was a kid. My parents said I wasn’t old enough,” Phil told Dan sheepishly.

“What kind of kinky shit is this, Phil?” Dan laughed but didn’t back down. He glared playfully. “Your turn.”

“You still wanna play?” he asked, obviously shocked at the younger boy’s confidence. Maybe it was because Dan knew if _Phil_ was questioning his continuance, he was in for an interesting time. Whatever. Dan wasn’t a wuss. When Dan didn’t protest, Phil took a red block as well. “Dare: Mime three things you do before you go to sleep.”

Phil laughed a little and did just that. He moved his hand near his mouth like he was brushing his teeth, he moved his hand around his head to signal washing his face, then he looked panicked like he couldn’t think of anything else and he brought his hand down to his crotch and pretended to jack it. Dan was already on the verge of laughing hysterically but that’s when he broke. The candlelight made the whole thing that much better, Phil’s embarrassed face showing through the flicker.

“Well done, Phil,” Dan applauded as he gave the older boy a slow clap and tried to stop his laughing enough to grab another block. The thought of Phil jacking himself flashed across Dan’s brain and he shook it out. Why this image crept into his thoughts, he didn’t know but it alarmed him. Again, he grabbed a red one. “Dare: Rub noses with another player.”

“One Eskimo kiss please!” Phil smiled and pushed his face forward towards Dan. Dan rolled his eyes and did as the block told him to do. His nose felt violated as it brushed up against the flesh of Phil’s face. He shivered.

“I’ve never liked those,” he mumbled. “I don’t see the point.”

“It’s _intimate_ ,” Phil responded, raising an eyebrow and mocking his friend.

“Whatever,” Rolling his eyes, Dan watched Phil as he took another block from the tower. This time it was a black one.

“Truth: What’s the worst thing your parents caught you doing?” Phil groaned. It peaked Dan’s interest. He prepared himself for a story he hadn't heard before. Phil was an angel most of the time and he liked to be seen as so. When Phil brought up the trouble he used to get into, it got Dan excited. Something told Dan that this was going to be good. “Well, when I was eleven I wanted to be in this cool little gang of boys from my street, and in order to be a part of their group they put me through these trials. One of which was smoking a cigarette. And right when I was about to prove that I was pretty cool to all my mates, my mum walked in and I was grounded for life...”

Phil’s face fell in his hands as Dan snickered.

“They told me smoking made me hotter and I believed them! I can’t believe I let them convince me of that!” he shook his head as Dan laughed louder.

“You’re so stupid, Phil,” Dan’s tone was endearing. “For life though? Do you think you’re still grounded?”

“Shut up,” Phil whimpered into his hand, pretending to sob but actually laughing. “Your turn.”

“Truth: Have you ever been out in public completely naked? If so, when?” Dan read the question and smiled. “Yes. Yes I have. I was at a resort with my family and they had a waterpark. I had forgot my bathing suit so I was just wearing boxer shorts, and they fell off in the slide and I had to run through the resort completely naked to go get them.”

“No!”

“Yeah,” Dan bit his lip and chuckled, trying to repress the memory once more. “Luckily there weren’t a ton of people and I don’t think anyone saw me.”

“Maybe someone saw you. Maybe you traumatized them,” Phil suggested. Dan shook his head.

“Oh I hope not. Nobody needs to see that,” he muttered. “Your turn.”

“Dare: Blow a raspberry on someone’s tummy,” Phil read out loud and Dan’s mouth dropped open. He shook his head as the smile crept across his cheeks. His dimples were on full display as Phil looked down in an intimidating way.

“Ohhhh no. You don’t come near my tummy with your mouth,” Dan laughed, scooting away from his friend who was now making kissy noises at him with his lips. Phil crawled over towards Dan and backed him into a corner. Dan wished he could climb walls, anything other than endure the feeling of a raspberry. “I swear to God, if you do this I will punch you in the face.”

“Will not.”

“I swear on _your_ mums life...I will literally punch you in the face,” he stayed totally still, hoping Phil wouldn’t move any closer. The boy with the blue eyes kept his gaze and he shook his head.

“I have to. The block said so! I’m not losing because you don’t want my mouth on your tummy,” Phil smirked. He had a point. “If you don’t let me, it’s an automatic forfeit and I win. Those are the rules.”

Dan glared at the older boy without responding verbally and then sighed. He grabbed the hem of his shirt without breaking eye contact.

“You have one second. I swear...” he lifted his shirt slowly, reveling his belly button and lower stomach to his friend. Suddenly he became very conscious of how pudgy he really was, wishing he hadn’t had that many Maltesers. He watched as Phil licked his lips. Phil was purposely trying to make it weird and freak him out. He knew that. It wouldn’t be Phil if he didn’t. He closed his eyes as he felt his friend’s hair sweep over his exposed tummy, moving slowly as he selected his spot of choice. Soon, he was blowing into his stomach with wet lips. Dan squirmed because it tickled. He was definitely breaking the one second rule, holding Dan in place as he kept his breath going against the now rippling skin. Dan shoved his friend away as soon as he got the chance, panting and glaring.

“I hate you, Phil Lester,” he grumbled, not being able to help the chuckle that lightly fell from his lips. His chest was heaving and he was holding his shirt down over his now wet stomach. Phil wiped his lips and grinned back, nodding as if to recognize Dan’s hatred, accepting it.

“Your turn,” they crawled back to the table, this time Dan kept his distance from the other boy, not wanting him to do anything like that again. He pulled the next red block, hoping that it was some sort of revenge.

“Dare: Pick another block,” Dan was slightly shaking from the attack, but also with anticipation. He tried to hold his hand steady and picked another. “Dare: Swap an item of clothing with someone else.”

Phil looked at Dan with a grin.

“Looks like you’re wearing...” he looked down at the graphic on his shirt and giggled. “A penguin riding a jet pack.”

Dan watched as the other boy lifted his shirt, exposing his chest. Dan looked down at his plain black t-shirt and then back up at Phil.

“Who said I wanted to swap shirts?” he raised an eyebrow at Phil. If Phil was going to blow raspberries on his tummy, he was going to try to make Phil extra uncomfortable. He unbuttoned his jeans, glancing at the older boy’s hips. “Come on then.”

Phil looked taken aback but quickly smirked in response, replacing his shirt and getting to his feet. He unbuttoned his pants and slid them down, throwing the denim at Dan. Dan nodded and dropped his pants, struggling a little because the skinny jeans clung to his ankles, then passing them to Phil. They both shimmied the other’s pants up to their waists. Dan was shocked how well the other’s pants fit him. They were loose, but they were comfortable. They were still a little warm from being on Phil’s body. He lifted his eyes from his own legs and watched Phil who was having difficulties. Dan’s jeans were tight on _him_. He found it unlikely that he would be able to button them.

“Looks like you’re playing the rest of the game with an open fly,” Dan smirked, already feeling the power of his revenge. Phil’s glare was nothing to mess with, he returned to the table and pulled another red block. They were running out of available red ones. The tower was losing stability.

“Dare: Sit on the lap of the person next to you until your next turn,” Phil read and looked up a Dan with a grin. “Dan, get your legs ready for my bum.”

Dan sighed and pat his legs, inviting Phil to come sit. This game hadn’t crossed any boundaries yet but it was getting awfully close. All of these dares could have been sexualized if they were trying. Phil’s parents were right, this was not a game for kids.

Phil moved himself over to Dan and sat happily in his lap.

“I have to do my turn like this?” he asked, underestimating how heavy Phil was. He leaned towards the table and wrapped his arms around to the front of Phil to reach the tower on the table. This time he chose a black one because it was easier to manage with Phil sitting right there. “Truth: What is the most embarrassing moment of your life?”

Dan thought for a moment. Phil’s body resting against his chest was very distracting however. He didn’t mind the contact as he usually did, but he was made hyper aware of his friend’s breathing. There was really only one moment that popped up in his head and he didn’t want to tell it. Sadly, he couldn’t think of anything else so he just decided to suck it up.

“So I went to the beach with a couple of friends and we were having a couple drinks...” Phil shifted a little, not looking at Dan but turning his head so his ear was closer to Dan’s face. Intrigued. “And I was playing around with one of the girls that came along and I’m not sure what happened but I accidentally managed to tug on her bikini top string, and the whole thing fell off.”

Phil was snickering and Dan could feel the laughter in his body even though he couldn’t see Phil’s face. He was probably picturing the whole thing vividly, as Dan often couldn’t escape doing. The moment was burnt into Dan’s memory and he visibly cringed when he thought about it.

“What did she do?”

“Well actually, she was fine. She kinda just laughed it off and acted like it was no big deal,” Dan’s face was getting red just thinking about it. “But I felt so bad that I actually cried.”

“You cried?” Phil covered his mouth with his hand to stop the laughs from pouring out.

“Yeah...not my manliest moment,” Dan muttered. “Your turn.”

He pushed the other forward and off of his lap deciding that he liked the dares more than the truths. They were easier. Phil crawled over to the table, seeing how unstable the tower was. They had picked out most of the red ones and he watched the tower wobble slightly when he attempted a few blocks. He settled for a black one on the edge, hoping it wouldn’t topple.

“Truth: What do you know about the person next to you that they don’t know you know?” Phil read the question out loud and he seemed to freeze. Dan’s eyes widened and his smirk replaced his shocked face.

“Phil...do you know something I don’t?” Dan prodded. The candlelight made it slightly harder to read Phil’s emotions but he seemed to be making a face. Maybe even blushing a little. Dan was now _very_ interested in what Phil was about to say. “You _do_ don’t you?”

“I don’t think so..” Phil lied, Dan could tell though. He was a terrible liar. Dan wasn’t going to let the other boy out of this one.

“You know the rules, you don’t answer and I win,” he settled back on his heels, knowing that his friend was going to cave. For some reason Phil looked really guilty and Dan was really curious. Did he read a text over his shoulder or something? He was slightly worried it was something bigger than that. What if he had accidentally found Dan’s mark sheet and knew that he had failed a class last semester? He hadn’t told Phil about that and wasn’t planning on it. What could Phil have possibly known about Dan that Dan didn’t know he knew about? It was such a specific question but Phil seemed to be holding onto a specific answer.

“Um...I know...” he looked down and seemed to shift in the other boy’s jeans.

“Phil,” Dan egged him on, this question had him on the edge of his seat.

Then Phil spit it out.

“I know you got off in my shower the other day.”

This probably would have been a lot funnier, had Dan had a better experience that day. His mind took him back to that morning and how he moaned louder than he ever had, hoping Phil had been asleep. He clearly hadn’t been. Then he remembered why he climaxed so hard and his body seized movement. He even felt his heart stop for a moment. Phil looked panicked.

After processing what Phil had just said and bringing himself back to the living room they were sat in, Dan looked up at Phil. His face was super red, probably wishing he had never said anything at all. Dan wasn’t sure how to respond but he remembered that Phil didn’t know what was in his head at the time. Only Dan knew that. All Phil knew was that he had wanked in his shower and got too loud, which was significantly less traumatizing then knowing what Dan accidentally thought about while he came. He opened his mouth, now just embarrassed.

“I’m sorry,” he kind of blushed. He knew how gross it was to jack off in someone else’s shower. He wished he could defend himself with how much he needed it then but that would only worsen the embarrassment. He was a college boy. He didn’t _really_ need it.

“No, Dan, it’s fine,” Phil’s smile was kind of out of place, but he continued speaking. “Really...I mean. If I’m being honest, I took care of myself too that morning before I came downstairs.”

Did Phil think that admitting to his own embarrassing action would make Dan feel better? Dan chuckled nervously.

“You didn’t need to tell me that,” Dan glanced and gestured towards the tower. “You should have saved it for your next truth.”

Phil’s eyes followed Dan’s to the wobbly tower and nodded. He still looked like he was holding something inside and Dan stared at him. His eyes were glaring at the tower in front of them but he wasn’t looking at it. Dan knew Phil’s thinking face and this was it. What could he possibly be thinking about? Was he that embarrassed? In retrospect, everybody masturbates. Phil must know that. Phil was an understanding guy and knew that there were sometimes urges that needed to be taken care of. So why did he seem so out of it?

“Phil?”

“Hm?” Phil snapped out of the trance momentarily and locked his gaze onto Dan’s.

“You okay?” Dan asked, he was now slightly concerned. All embarrassment aside, his friend looked bothered. “Masturbation is a _perfectly_ heathy and normal thing to do-”

“I know I know,” Phil waved his friend’s mocking tone from the air and half smiled. “It’s not that.”

“Then what is it?” Dan cocked his head and sat patiently. The tower could fall at any moment, the game was almost over anyway. He didn’t mind. He was hoping Phil was alright and he was willing to listen to anything the other boy needed to say. Another moment of silence passed then Phil swallowed.

“Can I be honest with you, Dan?” he sounded genuine. After yesterday’s argument, he got the impression this was going to be serious.

“Yeah sure. About wanking?” he joked, earning a smile from Phil. He was honestly just trying to lighten the mood.

“Sorta..” Phil answered nervously. Dan’s eyebrows raised but he still wanted to respect Phil and he nodded, curious as to where this was going.

“Anything, Phil. What’s up?”

“Do you know why I got so wrapped up in Troye yesterday?” _Troye_? How did this have anything to do with that boy? Dan could feel the jealousy creep up again as he tried to shove it into the back of his brain.

“Because you haven’t seen him in a while?” Dan guessed.

“Yeah, I guess. But it was more than that,” Phil spoke slowly, like he did when he was trying to keep calm. “I was running from something. Something I should have dealt with a long time ago. But when I saw Troye yesterday, I took him as an answer to my problems and I latched on, hiding instead of running.”

Dan tried to wrap his brain around what Phil was explaining but he didn’t quite understand. He assumed that Phil would want him to hold his questions until the end so he remained quiet.

“My crush on Troye was so long ago. And this morning when you were explaining how I was acting, it made me realize that Troye wasn’t worth that. _Nobody_ on this planet would be worth that. Abandoning you, Dan,” Phil stated without stuttering. Dan didn’t believe that. Phil couldn’t say that and mean it. One day there was bound to be another person that caught Phil’s interest and he would have to learn to share. He was fine with that. As long as his name wasn’t Troye. _Beautiful_ Troye. “Because you are the most important person in my life. The most important person to ever be in my life.”

Dan wasn’t expecting this to be a compliment fest directed towards him. He was caught off guard but he let a smile slip as he heard hs friend speak these words to him. They felt nice to hear after the night before, which he still felt quite vulnerable from. He stayed silent and watched through the flickering of the candle as Phil ran his hand through his fringe and forming it into a little quiff. His nervous behavior. Dan desperately wanted to reach out and grab Phil’s hand to signal that everything was fine and that it was just Dan. Dan who was willing to listen. It seemed that may not be appropriate though and he just kept his smile sitting on his face as the other boy carried on.

“I’ve been running, which I realize now isn’t going to get me anywhere. Running or hiding for that matter,” Dan saw him swallow. “I’ve been running for a while now. I’ve been running from you, Dan.”

_Him?_ What was his friend on about? Running from _him?_ Here he thought they were best friends and now Phil was telling him that he was trying to get away from him? He didn’t understand.

“Why are you running from me, Phil?” he couldn’t help but ask the question, hoping the older boy could clear this up. If Dan was the most important thing in Phil’s life, why would he want to run away from that? Had Dan done something offensive to him? Had he given Phil a reason not to stick around?

“I’m running because I’m scared,” Phil spoke even softer now, his eyes picking up the light from the candle on the table. Dan watched the flame dance in the reflection. “I’m scared of what you might say if I tell you how I feel.”

This was something Dan could understand. Dan was constantly in fear of what Phil might say to his opinions or thoughts. He struggled with the concept of speaking his mind and Phil knew that. He had single handedly helped Dan change that over the course of their relationship. He was so grateful and Dan nodded because he knew exactly how that felt. He wished he could help Phil the same way Phil helped him.

“How you feel about what?” Dan asked, doing what Phil usually did for him when he had a hard time getting something out. He was careful not to sound too pushy. Phil would get the answer to him eventually. Patience was key.

There was a long pause in which Dan watched Phil’s face contort into something he had never seen before. His eyes remained on Dan’s but they seemed to look deeper than just Dan’s face. His eyes were now reaching his heart. It fluttered in response to the touch, but he ignored it as he waited for Phil’s words. Dan gazed back into Phil’s best feature and let himself get lost in their blue.

“How I feel about you, Dan,” he almost whispered, his voice stooping to a volume level Dan could only relate to the sound of a hummingbird’s wings. Phil’s eyes didn’t move, not once. “I think I’m in love with you.”


	13. Chapter 13

Everything stopped.

The room was silent, Dan couldn’t even hear the familiar sound of breathing. He was frozen. It felt like someone had taken everything he had known and flipped it upside down. Phil was still staring at Dan, the room was still dark, even the flame seemed to be dulling.

Dan’s jaw automatically slid down a few notches and for being totally caught off guard, he was holding together pretty well.

Phil was in love with him?

There was no way.

Dan had never had someone fall in love with him. Not ever. Nobody had ever even considered Dan in that way. The idea of love terrified him and he never went anywhere near it, specifically because he didn’t know how it worked. He loved his parents and brother but he had never been in love with any other human being in his entire life. He didn’t know how it felt to be in love, not to mention how it felt to _be_ loved. How did Phil know that he loved Dan? What was it about Dan that Phil loved? It must have been a mistake.

Dan’s mind went in a million direction’s at once. He thought about before he even met Phil and how the kids at that party told him lies about the other boy. Then he thought about the time he avoided him because he thought that maybe he liked him. He remembered how much it freaked him out, the thought of the other boy having a crush on him. This was only a few weeks ago, but for some reason, right now, sitting in the dimly lit living room, Dan wasn’t upset. He wasn’t angry, or sad or even scared. He was just shocked and confused. All of the time he had spent pushing the possibility out of his head, believing Phil and his speech about his ‘type’, deferred him from thinking about what would happen if it was true. But now here they were, Dan staring at Phil with eyes wider than they had ever been, saying nothing.

What did Dan think about Phil? That was an entirely separate can of worms. Dan wasn’t gay. He had been over this. With Phil and with himself. He wasn’t really sure how sexual orientation worked, but how could Phil fall in love with someone that was totally incapable of loving him back? What was Dan supposed to do, now that Phil had spilled the beans? Was he supposed to turn him down and then let them move on? Go back to whatever they were doing before? Surely they couldn’t, right? If Phil knew that Dan would just shoot him down, why would he mention it in the first place?

Dan’s head was spinning. He was not prepared for this.

He realized that he had not said anything in about a minute, sitting completely still. Phil had not looked away from his eyes and Dan almost cursed his friend for being so goddamn confident. The man was committing. At this point, there was no way to take this conversation back.

He fished through his jumbled thoughts and finally decided to speak.

“Are...are you sure it’s not a mistake?” he asked. He wasn’t entirely certain why that was the first question that came to mind, but he wasn’t convinced. It wasn’t possible. How could Phil love someone like him?

Phil laughed quietly and it made Dan jump a little. Why was he laughing? This was not a laughing matter!

“Yes Dan, I’m sure,” he said clearly and with a slightly out of place smile. He was far too calm for what was happening. Dan’s eyes shifted away from his face and towards the floor.

“Cause I mean...you said you _think_...” he started, trailing off and hoping the words would come back after Phil explained a little more.

“Yeah. But I’m sure enough..” Phil kept looking at the younger boy. “I do think I love you, Dan Howell.”

Dan shuddered a little when he heard those words again, this time accompanied by his name. Phil was watching his every move, probably ready to reach out and grab him if he tried to make a run for it. Even Dan was surprised he hadn’t fled already. Sure, he wasn’t entirely prepared and he had no idea what to think, but he promised himself that he was going to try to handle things in a more mature manner and this was his ultimate test. Of course life was throwing this at him.

“I know you’re probably freaking out...” Phil said, in a voice only associated with the calming of a scared animal. It was as if he could read Dan’s mind. To be fair, he probably could. At this point Dan wouldn’t be surprised. “But I just...hope you will let me explain.”

Dan lifted his eyes again to meet Phil’s, this time the older boy looked a little nervous. Dan was pretty sure Phil expected him to flee and when he didn’t, he looked shocked. Now he was hesitating. Dan didn’t speak though, he was going to let Phil take it from here.

“I want to start by apologizing,” Phil started, slowly. “I lied to you. But technically I didn’t know I was lying, so it doesn’t count.. I told you that you weren’t my type. I told you I didn’t like you. I told you...”

He stopped for a moment and took a deep breath.

“A couple days ago, when Alex called and I sort of freaked out...” Phil spoke the sentence slowly as if to avoid opening up any sore wounds. “You took such good care of me. You were such a good friend. And there was something, something I felt that I hadn’t felt in a long time...I haven’t told that story to anyone before. You’re the first person I’ve told. And I wasn’t even scared. Something clicked in my mind and I realized that I didn’t just care about you as a friend, it was much more than that.”

Dan watched the other boy play with his fingers nervously. This couldn’t be easy. Confessing your love to someone.

“And then for three days I couldn’t stop thinking about it. How good you make me feel. How comfortable I am with you. How amazing you are. How lucky I am...” Phil trailed off, probably in response to Dan’s terrified eyes. “But I was so scared, am still so scared. Because you’re not gay. And I was quickly realizing how I’ve loved you all this time. How much I love you. I was falling for someone who didn’t like me back - which I know is dangerous...”

Dan was afraid to respond in any way. He didn’t even nod, he just stared at the other’s face with disbelief. Processing everything slowly. Every time the boy spoke the L word he flinched.

“Then we fell asleep cuddling and that’s where I knew I was in trouble. I had to find a solution and fast,” he explained slowly, a tone of sadness filling his sentences. “I was planning on just convincing myself that I didn’t like you. Finding _some_ reason to dislike you, even. But conveniently, we ran into Troye. And I tried so hard to distract myself from you that I completely shut you out. Hoping that would change my mind. But what did I get from that? Just the realization that you are the only person in my life that I could love. Not Troye or any other boy. It’s you Dan.”

Dan’s heart quickened in pace. There was something about the fact that Phil chose Dan over Troye that made his heart smile, but he shook that thought and refocused on the situation at hand. He thought about the cuddling and how nice it felt to be in the arms of his best friend. It was one-hundred percent platonic, but he recalled the warm feeling he got when he woke up that way. Maybe that was all Phil was feeling? Just a platonic love?

“And I know...you’re straight. I know. In fact, I’m not even sure why I’m telling you all this..” he mumbled, now looking slightly deflated. “I just felt wrong carrying this in my brain for so long without telling you. You are still my best friend and I wasn’t sure if you would hate me after I told you...”

The word _hate_ made Dan frown. He could never hate Phil.

“I mean, I know how you reacted when you first thought I liked you...” Phil added, Dan feeling embarrassed. He wished he was better equipt to handling these things. “I didn’t want that to happen again. I was so scared.”

Dan felt guilty. His best friend felt that he couldn’t tell him something because he thought he would lose his shit. That made him feel like he wasn’t doing his job correctly. However, this was not a normal situation. He felt that maybe he had a little bit of an excuse.

“I’m sorry. I just...it feels good to get this off of my chest,” Phil sighed slowly and Dan let out the breath he wasn’t even aware that he had been holding. There was another long moment of silence but then Dan spoke once more.

“I mean...how do you know it’s love? Maybe you just...” he couldn’t even finish his sentence. He figured Phil would understand what he was trying to say.

“I know love, Dan. I do,” Phil said seriously and Dan’s mind went to Alex. He kept forgetting that Phil was in a long term relationship that probably included love and all that. Dan had never had one of those.

“Why me?” he asked slowly. Phil laughed, almost too loud.

“You’re kidding?” Phil scooted a little closer and his smile grew. “Dan there are a million reasons. I’ve been going through them for days in my head.”

Dan was still trying to get over the fact that his friend liked him in a non platonic way. He never had any issues with being gay or the like, but it was different because Dan didn’t like guys. This was a little strange to him. What did Phil see in him? Did Phil think Dan was attractive?

“I’m sorry. I’m just...” Dan started. “A little confused.”

“I know. I’m starting to think I shouldn’t have said anything,” Phil seemed a little less confident as he had a few moments before, his body kind of curling inwards. He looked embarrassed.

“No, I’m glad you told me,” Dan heard himself say. He wasn’t sure if it was him being polite or if he actually was glad. He couldn’t tell.

“You seem a little freaked out.”

“I know. I’m trying to wrap my brain around it,” Dan admitted. He was sure Phil understood what this meant for him. He was pretty much rebooting at this point. He was attempting to figure out how he felt, how Phil felt and simultaneously convincing himself to stay put and not run as his instincts often told him to do. “This has never happened to me before.”

“What has never happened to you before?” Phil asked. “A guy liking you?”

“Anybody liking me,” Dan said, feeling a little pathetic now that he said it out loud. What did that say about him?

“Oh,” Phil was obviously trying to hide a face of shock and maybe pity.

“Yeah...” Dan fidgeted a little and nodded. “I don’t know how this sort of thing works.”

Phil nodded too and stayed silent for a moment as he let Dan process. What are the options you have when your best friend tells you they love you?

“I’m not sure what to say,” Dan admitted. He was probably making this really difficult on Phil. He knew that. But to be fair, he was the victim here. He deserved the right to process things.

“Well that I can’t help you with,” Phil said with a smile. How he was keeping optimistic about this, Dan didn’t know. His whole world was collapsing. “Generally, this is the part when the other person either tells me they like me back or they turn me down.”

Dan panicked. He only had two options? Either break his friends heart or...

“But I don’t expect anything from you, Dan. You don’t have to say anything at all. I didn’t mean for this to shake you up. I honestly just wanted to get this out there. Off my chest,” he reassured the wide eyed boy. “In fact, how about we just pretend this conversation never happened and we clean up this Jenga game? Let’s just go back to being best friends, okay?”

Phil could obviously read the panic happening inside Dan as they spoke. He may have been attempting to be more mature but this was something else. Confronting issues head on wasn’t his strong suit. He let out a long relieved breath, remaining silent and waiting for Phil to move.

After a few more seconds, he did. Phil reached over and tipped the tower over. Pieces fell everywhere and the silence was broken. He started piling the blocks back into their box. Dan’s muscles relaxed and he began to move once more, helping Phil clean up.

“I’m sorry, Dan,” Phil said again and Dan winced silently. He wished his friend didn’t have to be sorry about a feeling he couldn’t help. But this conversation had ended and he appreciated Phil for trying to be sensitive to Dan’s feelings. This whole situation was surreal. Dan pinched himself a little under the table to make sure he wasn’t in some strange fever dream. Although he wasn’t disappointed when he felt the sting.

The power was still out so they were limited on what they could do for the rest of the night, but it was nearing their bedtime anyway. The lack of good lighting was making the boys more exhausted then they usually were by this hour. Phil assured Dan that the power would be back by the morning and that in the meantime they would just have to play another board game. They decided on Monopoly because there was really no way they could make that game awkward.

Phil won, of course and Dan reluctantly took his defeat, crowning Phil as the Monopoly champion. But only after he threw a little plastic hotel at Phil’s face. He couldn’t help that he was a little too competitive. By the time they finished that game though, it was 12:30am and the boys were yawning.

“I think I have to call it quits for the night,” Phil spoke over his yawn. “We have to go back to school tomorrow. We should try and get some rest.”

“Yeah,” Dan caught Phil’s yawn and nodded. “Wow, already?”

“I know. It feels like it’s only been a few days. I wish we could just have Spring Break forever,” Phil sighed and stood up after packing the rest of the Monopoly pieces into the box.

“Same,” Dan agreed and stood to match Phil. Phil was standing there with Dan’s jeans on and it made Dan laugh. The pants didn’t look too terrible on him actually. The tight jeans were a good look on his friend, if only the buttons would close. Dan could see the other boy’s boxer shorts coming out of the top and Dan averted his eyes from his friend’s crotch.

“You ready for bed?” Phil asked as he blew out the candles and started walking towards the stairs with the last lit one in his hand. Dan started following him, suddenly realizing their sleeping arrangements. This wasn’t an issue before and he really didn’t mind sharing the bed, but he didn’t want to give the wrong impression to Phil and he hesitated.

But Phil wasn’t stupid and he noticed Dan’s hesitation.

“Dan. You’re more than welcome to sleep on the couch,” he said in an almost painfully sad voice. Wow, Dan was being a twat.

“No no. I don’t want to,” he quickly said and ran to Phil’s heel to make up for the pause. Phil smiled politely and continued up the stairs.

When they reached the bedroom, both boys changed into pajamas. They returned each other’s pants after Dan watched Phil struggle to get Dan’s pants off his ankles. They got into the bed. Phil blew out the candle and then it was dark. Really dark. Not even the moon was lending them it’s light. Dan swallowed. Phil’s night light wasn’t glowing in the corner of the room as usual.

“It’s really fucking dark,” Dan stated into the black of the room. He didn’t mean to say it out loud but his fear of the dark was taking over.

“I know. And quiet,” Phil responded from somewhere to his right. He was commenting on the lack of ‘house sounds’ that usually went unnoticed. The walls weren’t buzzing with regular sounds of pipes and vents.

“I’m not a fan...” Dan gulped. “...of the dark.”

He could hear Phil’s head shift a little, probably in an attempt to look at Dan. Dan was gripping at the sheets on his chest and trying his best not to think about the emptiness around him.

“It’s okay, Dan. I’m right here,” he felt the other’s hand reach towards him and pat him lightly on the side of the forearm. Dan appreciated that the other boy was within arms length of him. This was reassuring. “Close your eyes. Just pretend it’s lighter and that it’s only dark because of your eyelids.”

Dan did just that and he took a deep breath. He visualized the room when the power was working and the nightlight remained on in the corner. It made him feel better. After a few moments, he released the clutched sheets from his right hand and he outstretched it in Phil’s direction. He hit the older boy’s arm with his hand and then remained still, the thought of them touching kept him tethered to reality. Phil flinched a little, but when he realized what Dan was doing, he stayed put and Dan was grateful.

“Will you be able to sleep?” Phil asked, another yawn plaguing his speech.

“Yeah I think so,” he mumbled, keeping his eyes shut tight.

“Okay. Let me know if you need anything,” Phil responded, lazily patting Dan’s arm to let him know he was still there. Dan nodded and lied still for a moment.

“Okay.”

He squeezed his eyes shut as he felt Phil readjusting beside him, probably trying to find a comfortable position as he let Dan’s hand remain in contact with his upper bicep.

“Hey Phil?”

“Hmm?”

“Just wondering...how did that conversation earlier have anything to do with wanking?” he didn’t know why he was even thinking about it. His brain had done a 180 and in the process of not thinking about the dark, he was now thinking about the things they talked about that day. Not any less scary, but maybe a little more bearable.

He heard Phil chortle beside him. Within the coughing fit that started beside him, he heard a smile and relaxed.

“Oh my god, Dan. Don’t ask me that,” he responded, practically wheezing.

“I’m just curious!” Dan admitted and smacked the other boy in the bicep where he was touching him previously.

“I promise there was a logical Segway. I just don’t think you want to know,” Phil’s voice sounded amused. Dan then realized where this might be going and he mentally face palmed himself.

“Oh,” he felt stupid for not getting that. He was sure that within the bliss of liking someone, there’s lust. “Fuck.”

“Yeah...” Dan could picture Phil blushing. His stupid curious brain had to bring this shit up. “But I’m not taking blame for that one.”

“What?” Dan exclaimed, confused about Phil’s accusation. “What did I do?!”

Phil’s laugh was genuine and Dan heard his voice get louder because the other boy was now facing him.

“You were the one being loud in my shower,” he said slowly and almost teasingly. “I wasn’t even hard until I heard you moan like that.”

Dan’s face was beet red. Phil wasn’t holding back now and Dan couldn’t tell if he thought this was funny or if this whole thing made him want to vomit. Maybe a mixture of both. He was already embarrassed about his outburst in the shower, but now that he knew that Phil had got off to it, he wondered how it had sounded from the outside. In the midst of pleasure it seemed fitting, but to an innocent bystander, it was probably very erotic.

“Oh god...” Dan laughed nervously and hid his face in the pillow below him. He knew Phil couldn’t see him, but that wasn’t the point. He was hiding from himself.

“Like it or not, you sound pretty hot when you come,” Phil stated, only making Dan blush more. “And you came in _my_ shower.”

“Okay okay! I said I was sorry!” Dan laughed into his pillow and groaned. Phil was being playful. This wasn’t anything unlike their usual banter, but this time Phil was openly admitting to his attraction to Dan.

“Just be quieter and we wouldn’t have this problem,” Phil snickered. “And next time I’m picking the lock and getting in there with you.”

This time, Dan almost choked on his laughter. These comments about Dan being gay were no foreign concept. In fact, Dan rather liked them. He liked their bromance. The jokes were usually pretty funny and the vibe was never serious.

“You wish!” Dan responded as he usually did and then turned to face the blackness beside him that was emanating the noises.

“Go to sleep!” Phil ordered with a little laugh and yawned loudly. They had said goodnight minutes ago and Phil was obviously tired. Dan wasn’t tired anymore, the embarrassment waking his brain and giving him endless cringe attacks to sift through. But he wasn’t going to keep Phil up any longer so he sighed.

“Fine,” he mumbled, pretending to be annoyed at his friend.

“Goodnight, Dan,” his smile could be heard through his words.

“Night.”

 

-

 

Dan wished that he could sleep. He tried. For hours he tried.

First, he attempted to shove the thought of Phil masturbating from his brain. The image for some reason kept protruding forward and it was frustrating how much he was blushing from the image. Not to mention, every time the image came up in his head, his own moan from the shower rang through his ears. He regretted getting off in the first place and no matter how hard he tried to forget, the more vivid the image got.

However, his brain didn’t fail to remind him that his orgasm wasn’t a regular orgasm. The reason he belted the way he did was because he was thinking about a certain someone. That made him shiver and he couldn’t for the life of him understand why his body and mind had the reaction that he did. For some reason his brain wouldn’t drop it without a fight, so Dan tried as hard as he could to think about something else. In his attempt to cover up the image in his mind of Phil getting off, he tried to think of some girls he thought were attractive. He found this even more of an issue because now he was lying next to Phil, who was fast asleep and breathing heavily, half hard and fully frustrated.

He was finally able to shake the image, now realizing that this was a bigger problem than he thought - recognizing that once it got to his cock, it would be harder to control - and he switched the subject to something more daunting. Instead of tackling his own feelings and trying to figure out where all of this was coming from, he decided it would be easier to think about Phil’s feelings. For him.

On the one hand, Dan felt honored. Putting Phil aside, he had never had the feeling of another person liking him before. It made his stomach turn in a way he didn’t think possible. The only time he felt this way was when he was nervous or guilty. The butterflies. People always told him he would feel butterflies in a good way, but he didn’t know what they meant until now. He unconsciously rubbed his tummy slightly when he thought about it. His mind flashed back to when Phil was blowing a raspberry right below his belly button, tracing his fingers over the ticklish spot. This was basically the highest form of compliment that Phil could give him. Dan felt special and he liked the feeling of another person noticing the things he did and appreciating them. It almost proved Phil’s ability to be Dan’s best friend.

On the other hand though, this wasn’t something he should be celebrating. He finally had a best friend, something he hadn’t had in his lifetime, and he liked Dan as more than a friend. He understood enough now that Phil wasn’t just friends with Dan so that he could get closer to him. A few weeks ago, this was the thought that plagued his mind. Phil was there because he wanted to be there. Regardless of his feelings for Dan, their friendship was worth something that both boys recognized. This comforted Dan, but at the same time, he wondered what would change if they transitioned from a friendship to a relationship? Say Dan did feel the same way, which he didn’t, but if he did, how would their relationship change? If he was being honest, their relationship was sort of all over the place. Yeah, they were friends. But what friends snuggle up in pillow forts to watch movies? What friends hold hands when things get too scary? What friends fell asleep in each others arms? He reflected upon the things they did and he felt his brow furrow. He wasn’t sure because he had never had a friendship remotely close to this one, but he didn’t think normal guys did these things. Then again, nobody was like Phil. Phil was an entirely separate entity. He was the best thing that had ever happened to Dan.

As he thought about the physical contact between the two of them, his brain jumped to blame Phil. But no, Dan had initiated a lot of their contact as well. This was equally Dan as it was Phil. There was no pinning this on the boy who liked him.

Frustrated, Dan turned onto his side to try and get more comfortable. As he shifted he felt the other boy beside him stir and he stilled himself as to not disturb him. The boy beside him mumbled a little and then went back to his heavy breathing.

At least it was Phil. His quirky, understanding, caring and amazing Phil. There was nothing to be freaked out by, Dan thought, there was no pressure for him to like him back. Dan knew that even if he flat out told him _no_ , that their friendship would have survived. He didn’t have to worry about Phil running off and abandoning him. He had said so himself. He took comfort in the idea that even though Phil knew Dan didn’t like him that way, he still thought it was courteous to let the other boy know about his feelings.

But what if Dan _did_ like Phil that way?

How would he know? He had no point of reference, he wasn’t sure how he would even find out. Sure, Phil was attractive, for a guy, but Dan wasn’t turned on by Phil’s features. He was not gay. He knew that.

Phil’s charm was perceived by everyone, including Dan, but he always just assumed that it was normal. He saw the way that people swooned over his friend when they were out. He never gave it much thought because he was too busy enjoying the fact that Phil was paying attention to him and not the rest of the world. His mind traveled to Friday and how Troye made him extremely jealous. He had tried not to think about the meaning behind those feelings, but suddenly he was skeptical. He thought about Louise and how she was convinced the two were dating. He thought about the day they shot their video and how that morning he took in the delicate features of his friend without thinking about it. Then his mind concentrated on the comments they had received after uploading it. The people on the internet were assuming they were a couple. Why? What was it about the two of them that made people think they were dating?

After pondering this for a few moments, his mind moved to the moment at the end of their video when Phil tackled Dan to the ground. He thought about what that must have looked like and he contemplated what Phil’s viewers thought was happening. As he fished through the comments he’d seen in his brain, he found himself agreeing with a lot of them. Quotes like, “ _Phil looks like he’s totally in love with Dan.”_ And “ _Did you see that moment at 1:59 when Phil curled into Dan? Only people in relationships do shit like that.”_ He was finding it hard to argue. He replayed the moments in the video over and over again. Their fans were right, they did look like a couple. Even off camera, they acted like a couple.

Soon his mind was going back and forth between being horrified and intrigued. He wasn’t sure if the boy next to him had any idea what kind of turmoil he had released into his brain. Dan found himself cursing his friend lightly in his head for putting him in this position. But he couldn’t even pretend to hate Phil. Nothing like that. Phil was everything to him. There was nothing about Phil that he didn’t like. Phil was kind to him, he treated him like he was someone worth something. He always remembered the little things about Dan that everyone else seemed to forget. He was weird, just like Dan, but he wasn’t ashamed of who he was and what he was into. Phil’s laugh was contagious and Dan couldn’t think of another person’s laugh that was as toxic as his best friend’s. He made Dan a better person, always pushing him to do better at the things he thought he may never improve on. Phil was beautiful, inside and out, treating people the way they deserved to be treated. Not a single negative aspect about Phil popped into his mind. In fact, the only thing sitting in his brain was the thought of Phil, smiling at Dan and pulling him into an embrace. Phil’s warm arms wrapped around him, the sound of his heart beat, his hands holding Dan’s...

Oh shit.

He had to stop himself from thinking about the boy lying next to him in this way when he felt the blush spread across his face. Dan’s heart felt like it had stopped beating for the second time that night. It was so late. Probably almost morning by now, the sky had started to brighten as the sun threatened to breach the horizon. Phil had gone to sleep hours ago, leaving Dan to think himself into a hole, and oh boy was Dan in a hole. His eyes shot open, all attempts at sleep out the window and he sat up into a vertical sitting position. There had to be a way to un-think something, right? To shake something out of your head once it has decided to make itself present? Unfortunately, no. He had a feeling this wasn’t something he was going to be able to ignore. Not now, not ever.

He looked around the room, because of the slight glow of the morning sky he could see things. The power was still out, he could tell because the nightlight hadn’t come back on yet. He turned his head to see a sleeping Phil, probably deep into REM sleep by now. He was lying on his stomach, his face pushed into the pillow beneath him. Luckily, he hadn’t woken him with the speed in which he shot out of his lying position. He wasn’t ready to face Phil. Not just yet anyway.

He let his eyes adjust to the room’s lighting and he took some deep breaths. He didn’t think this was possible. None of this was possible. His heart thumped loudly in his chest and he contemplated what to do. Phil was asleep. He could wait until daytime to worry about this. Let the information settle inside him. Figure out a way to communicate.

No, that wouldn’t work. He knew himself. He wouldn’t be able to sleep for the rest of the night. Then when the time came to speak, he would talk himself out of it and then suffer for longer. That wasn’t an option. He wasn’t going to screw over future Dan like that.

Dan had to wake Phil. They needed to have this conversation now. That was the only logical conclusion Dan’s mind could come to. Maybe it was Dan’s lack of sleep that motivated him or maybe just overall turmoil, but he turned to Phil and took a deep breath, exhaling it and outstretching an arm to the sleeping form.

“Phil,” he gently said in a whisper, the other boy’s name suddenly felt different as they poured from his lips. Phil shifted a little but didn’t wake up. Dan knew it wouldn’t be that easy. “Phil.”

“Hmmph...” Phil groaned into his pillow. His black hair was covering most of his face. Dan couldn’t help but feel bad for pulling him from his deep sleep. He did tell Dan that if he needed anything, he could ‘let him know’. He considered this as _needing something._

“Phil. Wake up,” Dan pressed his hand into his arm again and swayed the older boy’s body back and forth. “Please?”

He sounded pathetic, he knew that. But at this current moment, his flushed cheeks and fluttering heart weren’t going to save his dignity. He had never felt this way. His stomach was doing backflips and his heart seemed to be beating to no rhythm at all. He was equally desperate as he was scared.

“Hmm?” Phil’s head turned a little, still against the pillow, and his eyes opened just a sliver. He was peering through the strands of hair that had delicately landed in front of his eyelashes. The older boy took in the sitting figure of Dan, which he could probably barely see due to the lighting and he closed his eyes again. “Aryookay?”

His words blended together as he spoke, his brain wasn’t awake yet. Dan found it endearing that the boy at least cared enough to ask if he was okay but his mind reminded him that he wasn’t. Maybe physically he was fine but mentally he was in no condition to be called _okay_.

“I uh...” Dan wasn’t sure how to respond though. He hadn’t thought of a plan of attack yet. After Phil had woken up, he had no idea where to go from there. Good planning, impulsive Dan. “Can we talk for a second?”

“Cannit wait ‘till mornin?” Phil’s words were still obstructed by the pillow next to his mouth and he sounded much more northern than usual. It made Dan smile a little, distracting him from his mind for a moment.

“No,” Dan said, honestly. He thought he was going to explode.

“Wasswrong?” Phil didn’t seem very invested in the question. Dan needed him fully awake for this conversation.

Dan realized pretty quickly that this plan wasn’t working. He rolled his eyes at his lazy friend and he turned and lied on his stomach next to Phil. He scooted up towards his face and cringed at how close their faces were. A sense of warmth filled the core of his body as he touched his nose to Phil’s. Phil didn’t seem to notice Dan’s head sitting on the same pillow, millimeters from his face and Dan saw the other boy’s eyes move behind his eyelids. He was asleep again.

Dan watched for a moment, his face closer than it had ever been from the other boy’s flesh. He watched his friend’s nostrils flare as he took his sleepy breaths. He could feel the puffs of air escaping his nose on his own upper lip. His eyes traveled down to Phil’s mouth and stuck there for a moment. It was open slightly, his tongue resting behind his bottom lip and Dan took notice in the way his face always looked like he was smiling as he slept. Phil’s mouth was a light shade of pink and seemed smaller than most people’s mouths. Why Dan took notice of this, he wasn’t sure, but he admired that as well.

Dan suddenly felt something he had never felt before. An urge coming from the pit of his stomach. He was rapidly discovering the danger that was his mind right now as he looked across at Phil once more before he lightly licked his lips. His brain gave him a thumbs up as he pushed their noses together further, like the eskimos kiss they shared before. He could feel the other boy’s breath on his own mouth and he decided it was now or never. Hesitating for one more second, he closed his eyes and took his leap of faith.


	14. Chapter 14

Dan felt Phil’s still lips collide with his own. Phil was asleep but the contact alone sent a shiver down Dan’s spine. It had been a long time since he had kissed someone and it was the first time he was kissing a boy - not that it made a difference, Phil’s lips were softer than any girl he’d kissed before. Phil’s lips were so warm and inviting, exactly how they looked. Dan spent the first second of the kiss finding where his mouth would fit and when he finally found it, he deepened the kiss and pushed his tongue in to meet Phil’s. Bringing his hand up to Phil’s cheek, he squeezed his eyes shut harder as he caressed the side of his face and swept the hair from his eyes.

At this point, it was impossible for Phil to sleep through Dan’s actions. Dan’s hand could feel the other boy’s eyes shoot open and his brows furrow, but he didn’t pull away. Phil took a moment to register what was going on, but soon his mouth kicked into gear and Phil was kissing him back. His tongue flicked against Dan’s and his lips responded in tandem with the younger’s.

Dan couldn’t have been more relieved. He was kissing back, that was a start.

The whole moment only lasted about 7 seconds, before Dan pulled away slowly, breaking up the kiss with a slide of the tongue on Phil’s lower lip. He inched back and finally opened his eyes so that he could see Phil’s face at full, which looked astonished and bright red. He slid his hand from his cheek to the mattress below them.

“Uh..” Dan’s stomach did the the flippy thing again and he stared into Phil’s blue eyes with terror. He enjoyed the kiss. He enjoyed it so much that he felt himself start to feel warm in his gut. He tried not to break eye contact and he hoped to god that Phil would say something first. Unfortunately, his brain reminded him that _he_ was the one that woke Phil up with a kiss, not the other way around. Phil’s expression remained frozen on his face as he watched the younger boy lick his lips and twist his face into guilt. “Sorry...I just...”

The words weren’t coming. Dan was too starstruck by the kiss. He didn’t expect it to actually affect him physically. His thoughts were moving a mile a minute. How had he not noticed before? How could he have missed such an intense signal from his brain? Lying there and staring into Phil’s blue eyes as the sun came up and passed light into the room, he lost the ability to breathe. Phil was so beautiful. Dan hadn’t let that sink in before this moment. There was nothing he wanted more than to pull the bright eyed boy into another kiss but he couldn’t, not yet. Not until he found the words to explain what had got into him.

What _had_ got into him? He liked Phil. Not just the way he thought he did, oh no, this was entirely different. Dan liked Phil the way he least expected to. He thought for sure that he would know if he liked guys. He thought for sure that he would know if he liked _Phil_. Apparently, that’s not how it worked. Nobody warned him about how this happened. Now he felt stupid. All this time, this friendship brought him happiness that he had never had before, not until this beautiful boy walked into his life, and he was too dense to see what it all meant.

Another few seconds went by and at this point, Phil was definitely wide awake. He had blinked all of the tired out of his eyes and was waiting for some sort of explanation. This is what Dan wanted. Why couldn’t he find the courage to speak?

He closed his eyes, took a deep breath and then reopened them, meeting Phil’s once more and taking comfort in them as he was often able to.

“I couldn’t sleep...” Dan admitted right off the bat. He felt that maybe it was important to let Phil know the circumstances before he carried on. “I was too busy thinking about some things.”

Phil’s shocked expression remained on his face and Dan watched him exhale, his chest falling slowly. His eyes lightened though and he nodded slightly, closing his mouth which was gaping open after Dan’s bold move. He looked less threatening and more understanding as he waited for Dan to finish explaining. The floor was Dan’s.

“I don’t know a lot about...relationships. I’ve only had one and even so, it was kind of shit,” he slowly started. “And I never knew what it felt like to be liked or like someone...so please understand I have very little point of reference...”

Dan’s hands were fidgeting with the fitted sheet. He was starting to get nervous. As usual, Phil could read him like a book. Phil watched the brown haired boy hesitate as he brought his hand up to Dan’s, grabbing it in one swift motion. He squeezed tight and smiled as if to tell the other boy to keep going.

“I’ve spent the last eighteen years of my life thinking I was straight, and for the record, I still don’t think I’m gay. I just...like _one_ guy,” he blushed a little, thinking about how worked up that kiss got him. There had to be at least one gay bone in his body. “And I thought about what you said...I’m not really sure if I can use the word you used..”

He stopped speaking and swallowed his nerves. The L word put him on edge. He hoped he wasn’t offending the other boy, but Phil was still smiling at him in awe of what was unfolding before him. Dan was terrified and each word he spoke brought his throat closer and closer to closing up.

“...but I think, if you want to, I uh...” he had no idea how to end that sentence so he paused and took a half breath, squeezing Phil’s hand back. He decided that his point had been delivered and he had no need to finish the thought. Phil probably got it, as usual. But he followed with a disclaimer. “I’m really scared, Phil. But I really like you.”

Phil’s shocked expression remained until Phil had finished processing what he had just told him. Dan waited impatiently for him to speak. He was wearing his heart on his sleeve and he felt like Phil must have felt the day before when he confessed his feelings to Dan. As the older boy’s expression faded into one of less confusion and shock, a smile created crevices in his cheeks. His blue eyes seemed to shimmer and his eyebrows went up.

“Dan,” he spoke the younger boy’s name so softly, Dan could barely make it out. “You’re amazing.”

Dan was taken aback. Amazing? What was that supposed to mean?

“I went to bed last night feeling better that I got everything off my chest and now it’s 5:00am and you’ve woken me up with a kiss to tell me you haven’t slept because you’ve been too deep in your own thoughts,” Phil sighed, his smile even bigger now as he rubbed his thumb across the top of Dan’s hand. “I’m just shocked. Honestly, I thought you were going to try and forget everything I said yesterday.”

“I tried,” Dan admitted, his face was full of blush now.

“I bet you did,” Phil released a slight chuckle and reached out and swept his hand up Dan’s face, using the side of his finger to move his hair out of the way. He closed his eyes as he felt Phil’s hand on his skin. The contact wasn’t bad. He usually hated most physical contact, but right now all he wanted was to be touched by Phil. “I actually can’t believe this.”

Phil’s shock was making Dan feel better. He was happy that he could bring Phil such joy and after hearing how much Phil cared about him, it was the least he could do.

“Neither can I,” Dan said softly. He was just as shocked as Phil was but there was no turning back now. This was it. Dan had thrown caution to the wind and was only now starting to feel calmer.

“Well, since you’ve already kissed me...I’d say you’re pretty confident in this decision,” Phil grinned, the tone starting to settle into their usual banter style. He really knew how to make Dan feel comfortable. Phil laughed. “I’m actually offended that I didn’t get to kiss you first.”

Dan smiled back at the boy and chuckled nervously. “Sorry, you snooze you lose.”

“I guess so...” Phil watched Dan as he physically relaxed, his eyes settling on Dan’s and the crinkles next to his eyelids amplified.

“Don’t look at me like that...” Dan dropped the eye contact as he blushed, fully aware that Phil’s smile was directed at him.

“Don’t look at you?” Phil asked him, speaking in disbelief. “You never had a problem with me looking at you before.”

“Well it’s different now,” Dan muttered, understanding his faulty logic.

“Is it now?” Phil kept his eyes locked on Dan’s face. Dan actively tried to ignore the eyes he felt on his eyelids and cheeks.

“Yeah..” Dan shrank a little, realizing how ridiculous he sounded.

“Alright, alright,” Phil turned his head and refocused his eyes on the wall behind Dan. “I’ll tell you what. We can go really _really_ slow. As slow as you need, okay?”

Dan nodded, glad that Phil was getting it. As embarrassed as he was, he was glad Phil was respecting his lack of experience.

“On one condition,” Phil followed. Dan’s eyes shot up, not caring that he was now making direct contact with the other boy’s blue eyes. “Dan Howell, I’d like to take you on a date.”

Dan wasn’t sure what he was expecting, but it wasn’t that.

“What?”

“A date. I want to take you out,” Phil stated, his grin stretching from ear to ear. “If we are taking this slow, as I think we should, then I want to take you on a proper date.”

The word _date_ scared Dan. He was quickly realizing that a lot of words were going to scare him. This was going to be a total breach of what he was used to. This was going to change everything he thought about relationships. Not only had he just realized he _could_ be attracted to guys, he was attracted to a _specific_ guy. This guy was his best friend. How’s that for a plot twist? He couldn’t help but think about the Dan that sat in his bed before the party on a Saturday night, having absolutely no idea what was going to happen by the end of the night. No clue who he would end up meeting. No concept of what that man was going to do to him.

As he was collecting all of his thoughts into a little bundle, he was staring at Phil’s lips. He smiled unconsciously as he thought about the kiss they had shared only minutes before. Phil seemed to notice the younger boy’s mouth, falling open slightly, Dan watching his lips turn up into a smirk.

“Dan. If I’m not allowed to look at you like that, you can’t look at me like that either,” he nudged Dan in the chest playfully and knocked him out of the gaze.

“Sorry, I just...”

“I know I’m handsome. You’ll just have to refrain,” Phil winked and Dan blushed.

“This is disgusting,” Dan said, referring to the fact that they had been lying in bed making eye contact for minutes now. It was everything that Dan hated about romance movies. He then realized that he had called their relationship disgusting, to Phil’s face. Phil’s offended look reminded Dan that he was going to have to be careful while his mind transitioned. “It’s going to take some getting used to before I-”

“I know,” Phil’s hand tightened in Dan’s and only then did Dan remember theyhad been making this contact the whole time. He smiled and swallowed the lump in his throat.

“Thank you, Phil,” he said genuinely, hoping the boy understood where this was coming from and why. If this relationship was going to be anything like what he thought it might be, Phil was going to have to be very patient. “For taking it slow.”

Phil shook his head at the younger boy and he leaned forward, kissing his forehead softly and slowly as if he were approaching a timid animal.

“All I want is for you to be happy,” Phil admitted and Dan had to keep his toes from wiggling in response to the kiss. “As long as you are happy, I’ll be fine.”

Dan couldn’t speak words to respond and he hoped that Phil didn’t mind. His smile was enough he thought, when Phil squeezed his hand in his to confirm.

Dan had been so worried about all of this, hours of thinking and discovering that he hadn’t felt the need to sleep. But as his attention shifted to the open window and the bluish yellow sky that was lending the room more and more light, he yawned and his eyes felt heavy. The adrenaline was keeping his heart beating quickly, but as the idea of everything that had happened in the short span of time finally sank in, he felt the tired hit him like a wall. His eyes started to blink longer and longer until he felt like they couldn’t open anymore.

“Dan?” Phil shook him a little and the younger boy opened his eyes a little. “Maybe you should get some rest...”

“Mmhhmm...” Dan nodded and lifted one arm up to his face, draping it over his forehead. Before he let his tired brain fully take over, he reminded himself of their travel back to university later that day. He was sure Phil would make sure he was up, but he wanted to know how long he was allowed to sleep. “When do we need to leave for uni?”

“4:00pm, you have time,” Phil swept the hair from Dan’s eyes as he spoke quietly.

“Mmkay,” Dan sighed with exhaustion. “G’night Phil.”

Dan let the darkness surround him as he squeezed his eyes shut. He could feel the warmth of Phil’s body. Phil wasn’t touching him but Dan could tell the other boy was lying on his side and watching him as he tried to sleep. For some reason, it didn’t bother him this time. After all, Dan had to remind himself that he wanted Phil. He did. And he was going to have to accept these things sooner than later. He licked his lips a little and smiled. Phil hadn’t moved and probably wasn’t planning on it. Dan shushed his racing heart and turned his body into Phil’s. He snaked his arm around the older boy’s torso and placed his hand gently on his shoulder blade. Phil was still holding Dan’s right hand in-between them and Dan scooted as close as their arms would allow, then nudged his leg in-between Phil’s. All this in one swift motion, Dan nuzzling himself into Phil’s neck. Hearing Phil’s little grunt of shock as he curled into him made Dan smile. He had never craved someone’s touch as much as he did Phil’s. He wanted more. He wanted to be closer, even though it didn’t seem possible. Phil’s body quickly adjusted to Dan’s position as he draped his arm over Dan’s side, landing it on the nape of Dan’s neck. He played with the brown hair that rested there, curling it around his finger as he rested his chin on top of Dan’s head. Finally, he felt comfortable. Unlike any feeling he had experienced before, he sniffed in the raw smell of his best friend, knowing that when he woke up, it wouldn’t be his best friend he was embracing, it would be his boyfriend.

 

-

 

Dan was shocked when he felt Phil’s form wrapped around him when he finally opened his eyes. It must have been at least a few hours of slumber and Phil had seemed so awake earlier that he doubted the other boy had slept. He fluttered his eyelashes against Phil’s soft jugular to signal his awakening and immediately he felt the other boy tip his head down to view him. He looked up at Phil’s chin and he blinked a few times to adjust his crusty eyes. Phil loosened his grip on Dan that once he was released he realized was quite tight. He rolled over and let the cold air fill in the gap between them as he stretched.

At this point, the sun had come all the way up and Dan guessed he slept about 4 hours total. He was content with that. His body wasn’t complaining, so neither would he.

“Have you been awake this whole time?” he asked, raising his hands above his head as he yawned, trying to loosen his muscles. He hadn’t moved at all due to Phil’s cradling. Dan smiled as he thought about how comfortable and warm that crevice in his neck was. He couldn’t wait to utilize that again.

“I slept some,” Phil noted, probably trying to draw attention away from the fact that he had held Dan even though he was awake and ready to start the day hours ago. Dan wouldn’t argue though, he couldn’t imagine what it would feel like if Phil had just left him to wake up by himself. He wouldn’t have blamed him, but it was better this way. “You sleep well?”

Dan had a feeling Phil already knew the answer to that question.

“Yeah. I slept enough,” he informed Phil, trying not to admit that was the most comfortable sleep of his entire life.

“Good. You wanna eat some breakfast?” Phil suggested, probably starving. “Then we can come back up and pack.”

“Sounds good,” Dan agreed, standing. He needed a shower, but he wasn’t ready to wash off Phil’s scent from his body just yet. “How long do we have?”

“About 5 hours. We can take our time,” Phil hopped out of the bed and walked over to Dan. “I’ll make us some coffee.”

Phil started to walk out the door, but before he walked all the way out, he grabbed Dan’s hand in his and pulled him along. Dan let his fingers fall in-between Phil’s and followed behind him like a puppy on a leash. He wasn’t used to hand holding, but something about the way Phil’s hand fit into his own made his hand feel at home. The feeling he got in his gut all this time when Phil had touched him before was now amplified. He felt the pang in his stomach when the older boy so much as brushed his shoulder against Dan’s. Them holding hands was toxic. He couldn’t even imagine what a kiss would do to him right now.

As they reached the living room and passed through it to get to the kitchen, he glanced at the couch. Thank god he hadn’t decided to sleep on the couch last night instead of with Phil. Who knew how that would have changed fate?

“Are eggs okay? I think I finished off the last of the cereal yesterday,” Phil asked sheepishly. He had told Dan about his cereal addiction but Dan had to see it to believe it. That boy went through cereal like his life depended on it. Dry, right out of the box. It was a disgrace.

“Yeah, eggs are fine,” Dan had to fight the frown from creeping onto his face when Phil pulled away to grab the supplies. He threw on a pot of coffee and the smell filled the small kitchen. “Scrambled?”

“Yes, Sir,” Phil threw the spatula in the air and caught it, surprisingly, as he waited for the pan to heat up. The sound of the coffee maker filled the room and Dan closed his eyes as he took in the aroma.

“Want me to make some toast?” Dan realized he should offer to help. It was their last day after all, he didn’t want to feel like Phil had done too much for him.

“Sure,” Phil responded, cracking a couple eggs into a bowl and pouring in some milk to add fluff to the eggs. “Thanks.”

Dan shuffled over to the toaster with the bag of bread he had seen on the counter, popping in four pieces and pushing down the button. He stared at the object for a while, his brain still lagging from the lack of sleep. He could hear Phil behind him with the spatula against the pan, mixing and making their eggs.

The quiet morning silence was nice although Dan felt it was slightly awkward. He didn’t know what to say to Phil and honestly he just wanted to go back to being in Phil’s arms. He wouldn’t admit that, not now. He wasn’t ready. As awkward as he felt however, Phil seemed fine. He was slightly humming as he worked with the eggs and when the coffee machine finally alerted them that their drinks were ready, he grabbed two mugs from the cupboard and filled them to the brink. He even grabbed the milk and sugar and perfectly fixed his and Dan’s drinks. When he turned to hand the mug to the other boy, he smiled at Dan which made Dan’s face go pink. As he grabbed the mug he looked into it and away from Phil. Phil turned back around to tend to the eggs and Dan swore he heard him chuckle slightly.

As the light entered the kitchen from the windows, Dan admired Phil’s form, suddenly very aware of how good looking his friend, his boyfriend, was. The boy had the darkest black hair he had ever seen, falling slightly into his face when he leaned his head forward. His neck was thin, but maybe that was because his shoulders were broad, leading back down to his lanky arms and thin torso. Phil’s legs were long and well shaped. Everything about the boy was gentle and elegant, Dan even noticed that the curve of his back was soft. Although Dan was looking at Phil from behind, he couldn’t help but think about the piercing blue eyes that could see right through his own.

Just as his heart started to melt, his thoughts were interrupted by the toaster popping up and displaying two pieces of perfectly cooked bread. Phil turned around and luckily Dan had stopped staring.

“Oh good, perfect timing! The eggs are almost done,” he turned off the heat of the stove and moved the eggs around a little in the pan. They looked fluffy and delicious.

Dan grabbed a couple of plates and put the toast on them, getting out some jam from the fridge. Phil brought the hot pan over to the plates and gave them each half of its contents. He returned the pan to the stove and then walked over to grab his plate. They carried their plates to the breakfast bar and sat across from each other, sipping their coffee and forking their eggs.

“Thanks, Phil,” Dan attempted a smile with his mouth full of toast. Phil just hummed in response and shoveled the food into his mouth as well. He had clearly waited a long time for this food, Dan felt a little bad about that.

They ate in silence for a few more minutes but it was Phil who decided to break it, probably attempting to make this less weird.

“I don’t want to go back to school,” he sighed. “My classes are just going to get harder. It’s now the end of the semester.”

“Yeah me neither...” Dan didn’t like the sudden reminder of what was waiting for him back at uni.

“At least I only have next year left. I’m getting real sick of University,” he mumbled, scraping his plate to get the last of the eggs.

“Speak for yourself! I still have three years ahead of me!” Dan grumbled.

“Ha. Sucker,” Phil teased, placing his fork down.

“And it’s law! I’m gonna be dead by the end of those three years,” he shook his head.

“No you won’t. You’ll do fine,” Phil reassured as he watched Dan eat the rest of the eggs on his plate.

“Can’t we just stay here forever?” Dan asked, obviously joking but he kind of wished he could.

“And when my parents come home we’ll just live with them? Yeah, no thanks. I’m not about to relive my teenager years again,” Phil smirked and leaned back in his stool. “I’m not quite ready for you to meet the Lesters.”

“Oh yeah, when do they come back anyway? I thought their trip was only a week as well?” Dan tried to avoid the subject of meeting Phil’s parents. It was far too early, Phil was right.

“They come home tonight. We’ll be well on our way,” Phil nodded and smiled at the younger boy. “You missed them this time. Don’t think you’ll be so lucky next year.”

Next year? The thought of that made his stomach drop. Phil was already thinking about next Spring Break? Dan could barely make it through today’s plans, let alone next year. He blinked a couple times in response and smiled at what appeared to be a joke.

Just as Dan finished everything on his plate, Phil stood and took them both to the sink.

“Do you want to shower first or should I?” he asked the younger boy and Dan volunteered to go first, wanting to wake himself up a little more than the coffee already had. “Okay, you go shower. I’ll do these dishes and clean up the house a bit. I don’t want my parents to think I’m having wild parties or something.”

“Yeah, you Phil, and those wild parties,” Dan joked as he walked out of the kitchen and up to Phil’s bathroom. He locked the door behind him and faced the mirror. He looked at his brown hair that fell into his eyes, sweeping it from his brow and scratching at his chin which he wished would grow more than peach fuzz. His brown eyes stared back at him and he smiled, the way he would smile at Phil, then looked down and away from himself. What was it about him that Phil found attractive? There was nothing special about his face or body. He was pretty much a standard poster child for normal. He slapped himself a little, mostly to wake himself up but also to jostle the thoughts from his head and he took a deep breath as he started his shower.

 

-

 

“You took twice as long as I did, Phil! What were you doing?” Dan directed his attention away from the TV and over to Phil who was skipping down the stairs towards him. Phil punched him lightly in the arm as he sat down next to Dan. Dan had been waiting on the couch, watching reruns of The Office while he waited for Phil to finish his shower.

“Do you really want to know?” Phil winked at him and Dan cringed a little. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding! If you must know, I was re-dying my hair.”

“You were what?”

“Re-dying. My hair. It’s not naturally black, you know,” he laughed, playing with the wet strands of hair that were now in front of his face, blocking Dan from the view of his beautiful eyes.

“What?” Dan was shocked, but it suddenly made sense why all of Phil’s family photos included some ginger boy who barely looked like Phil. Plus, now that Dan was looking, his eyebrows were much lighter. “You’ve been lying to me this whole time?”

“Not lying,” Phil said. “Just didn’t think it mattered. Plus, I didn’t know you had curly hair until this week. Now we’re even.”

Phil shook his head and let the water fling from his dripping wet hair into Dan’s face. Dan swatted him away as he laughed.

“You’re horrible,” he mumbled, wiping the drips off of his cheek.

“I know,” Phil smiled endearingly, patting the younger’s thigh. “Now come on, we gotta go pack and clean up. We have a train to catch.”

They rose from the couch and turned off the TV, traveling upstairs to collect their things. Dan’s stuff was pretty much all in his suitcase anyway, so he just took a second to make sure it was all organized, zipping up his suitcase and placing it in the hallway. He politely kept the other boy company though as Phil shoved things from his drawers into his suitcase.

“You know, they might fit better if you actually fold them,” he commented as he lied on Phil’s bed, stomach down, chin in his hands. His face was right next to the suitcase, greeting Phil with a light smile each time he put something into it.

“Shut up. It’ll be fine. I’m just gonna take it all out again when we get back,” Phil grumbled, shoving the t-shirts into the empty space of his suitcase. Dan rolled his eyes but his smile remained.

“Okay. But don’t blame me when you can’t fit your favorite jumper in there.”

Dan couldn’t help but notice Phil emptying the leftover items from his mother’s blue gift box into his suitcase. He watched as the contents fell into the cracks between the clothes, the condoms landing on top. Dan swallowed and averted his eyes for a moment. He didn’t want to think about that. Not yet. The sexual attraction had not caught up to him yet. Yes, Phil was attractive, he would admit, but finding out that he liked men to begin with was going to be something he’d have to get used to. Thinking about sex was not going to be immediate and he planned on giving himself plenty time to figure all that out. Not now though.

Phil shoved a pair of shorts on top of the pile that was just dumped into the suitcase and Dan turned back to face Phil who was almost finished packing. He grabbed his phone charger and his computer, placing them neatly on top of his clothes and packed a smaller bag with his toiletries. All the while, Dan watched his hands fold and place every object where it belonged. He continued to watch, even when Phil looked down and met his eyes. Dan challenged his eyes to maintain contact, assuming he would have to get used to it sometime.

“All finished,” Phil stood with his hands on his hips and a grin across his face. Dan had spaced out completely as he watched the boy shove things into the horribly unorganized reciprocal. “Come on, help me zip this.”

Dan sat up on command and he placed his hands on the suitcase, shins flat against the bed as he pushed onto the top of it. Phil reached his hand around and zipped it closed with a huff and Dan let go. Phil was still grinning, obviously proud that he was able to fit everything in his rather small luggage. Dan stood and helped Phil move all his luggage into the hallway with his and they went back into Phil’s room to clean it up a little.

“Help me make my bed?”

“Okay,” Dan responded with a grin as he fell forward face first into the messy and clumped up sheets that he could feel under his tummy. He could visualize the look that Phil was giving him.

“Dan. We have to leave in like...” he checked the clock. “...two hours.”

“Exactly, two hours, don’t we have time for a short nap?” Dan’s whiny tone was muffled by the sheets beneath him. The coffee was starting to wear off already and with his face pressed against Phil’s soft mattress, he was reminded how little sleep he got.

“No Dan,” his voice was broken up by his light chuckle. Dan then felt the bed beside him dip, Phil must have sat down. “Come on, when you get back to your room you can sleep all you want.”

“But it’s so far awaaaay,” Dan whined to Phil, his lack of sleep taking the worry of sounding like a child away from him. Phil didn’t seem bothered however, in fact Dan felt the other boy’s warm hand press against his shoulder blade, rubbing slightly.

“I know. You can even sleep on the train if you want. Can you stay awake until then?” his voice sounded soft and gentle, like he genuinely cared about the amount of sleep that Dan got. His hand was rubbing small circles on Dan’s back and Dan sighed into the touch. This was the most Phil had touched him since he woke up in his arms. He wasn’t complaining.

“Fine,” Dan mumbled, but he kept his face flat against the bedspread. “But give me a few minutes here. Please?”

“Deal,” Phil said, retracting his hand. Dan involuntarily whimpered at the loss of contact. He could feel the silent laugh that Phil gave him, continuing his soothing motion across Dan’s shoulders and back.

 

-

 

After convincing Phil to make him some more coffee and waking himself up with a banana that they found in Phil’s kitchen, Dan was starting to feel a little more lively. It wasn’t long now before they were headed out the door and Dan was saddened by the thought of leaving Phil’s house. The memories of the week were flooding his mind as he stared at the kitchen across from Phil who had got the Sunday paper and was hopelessly trying to do a crossword. Dan watched him as he scribbled some letters out and then returned the pen to in-between his teeth. That boy was a marvel to be around. He couldn’t believe that within one week, really within a couple of days, his whole perspective had changed. He kept telling himself to stop thinking about it but the warmth he felt in his stomach when he looked at the other male made it impossible to forget.

After making sure the house was in the condition it was when they arrived - which meant vacuuming up the popcorn that was now thoroughly crushed into the carpet- they called a cab and lugged all of their belongings through the train station, getting there with plenty of time to spare. They sat on a bench, hip to hip and silently waited for their train. Phil was still working hard on his crossword which he had surprisingly almost finished and Dan closed his eyes, trying to focus on the warmth on his side when Phil’s arm ever so slightly brushed against it while scribbling away. When he finally completed the puzzle, he squealed with excitement and Dan couldn’t help but flash a dimple at Phil’s proud exclamation.

The train came and they boarded, settling into their seats that they would be in for a while. This time, Phil sat next to Dan, once again hip to hip, providing Dan with the warm feeling he had just moments ago. He felt his eyes grow drowsy and the combination of the warmth in his stomach and the now moving train made him yawn. He hesitated for a moment and then tilted his head slightly to the left, hair falling into his eyes and face, landing it on his boyfriend’s shoulder. Phil hummed in response and he reached out slowly to grab Dan’s hand. Dan jumped a little but he was too tired to think anything of it and the last thing he remembered saying to himself was how much he wanted to stay like that forever.


	15. Chapter 15

Standing in front of Dan’s door with all their stuff, Phil leaned against the wall in front of him and stared at the younger boy. Dan looked up at him as he flashed back to the first night they met. He couldn’t for the life of him remember a time before he knew Phil, before he liked Phil. Phil wasn’t offering to come in and Dan was so exhausted that going straight to bed was the plan. He had to get up to go to class the next morning, might as well get a good night’s rest.

“Thanks for coming with me, Dan.”

“No, thank you for having me,” Dan’s voice was quieter than Phil’s. The hallways were as good as empty and the words echoed slightly regardless. It felt weird being in a school setting again with Phil.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, then?” Phil smiled and subtly grabbed Dan’s hand, kissing it softly and then he backed away as Dan stood in front of his door. Phil tried to walk backwards until he tripped a little, blushing as he turned around to walk towards the stairs, tugging his bags along with him. Dan stared after him with a tiny smile sitting on his lips. He waited until Phil got the the staircase before he fumbled with his keys in his pocket, unlocking the door and pushing himself in. He turned on the light and sighed.

It was far emptier than he remembered.

He dragged his stuff to the empty side of the room and stared at his one person bed, already missing the company. He decided he would leave the unpacking for the next day when he got out of class. Now, all he wanted was to climb into his lonely bed and fall asleep.

He stripped down to nothing, dropping his clothes to the ground below him as he turned out the light and climbed into his sheets which were far colder than he expected them to be. Phil’s bed was so soft and this was nothing in comparison. He wiggled a little and tried to get comfortable, finally settling for staring at the ceiling. Dan rested his hand on his chest and couldn’t help but wish that it was Phil’s, draped over him like it had been that morning.

He wondered what Phil was doing. Probably unpacking. That boy wouldn’t be able to sleep at all without making sure everything was in place. He smiled at the thought of Phil rummaging through his suitcase and pulling things out one by one. He thought about sending him a text but he didn’t want to seem clingy and he really should have been sleeping anyway.

He closed his eyes and tried to sleep. He really did. He tried counting sheep and telling himself a bedtime story in his head. It just wasn’t happening. He was too focused on how uncomfortable he was there without Phil. It was going to take some getting used to, not sleeping in the same room as someone. After being with Phil 24/7, it seemed impossible.

Finally he got frustrated and sat up. He dug his laptop out of his suitcase and opened it up. He logged onto Youtube and pulled up their video. He lied down in bed with the laptop on his chest as he pressed play.

There they were, sitting in Phil’s room, laughing and drawing cat whiskers on their noses. Dan smiled as he watched Phil look at his face in the video. Ever since that comment pointed it out, it was all he could see. Phil watching him lovingly with every move that he made. He felt his eyes getting heavy as he watched the video in full and then pressing repeat. He just wanted to go back, back to Phil’s room and back to Phil’s embrace. As he felt himself drifting off to sleep, he moved his laptop to his side and closed his eyes, falling into his dreams to the sound of Phil’s laughter.

 

-

 

His alarm startled him and he almost shoved his laptop that was lying open next to him off the side of his bed. It was morning already and he was expected to be in class twenty minutes ago. He groaned loudly to nobody as he dragged himself out of his twin sized bed, careful to make sure his laptop made it safely to the ground. Dressing himself and doing his best to make his hair look normal, he swung his backpack against his shoulder and headed out into the too warm air.

His class was boring, nothing had changed since he left. Spring break was in the past now and his professors were right back to torturing him and his peers with mountains of work that they would bullshit their way through anyway. He pressed his hand into his cheek and tried to pay attention but his mind kept drifting elsewhere.

He pulled out his phone and tried to be discrete as he texted Louise.

_Dan: Hey, after class can I come by your room? I wanna hear about your spring break._

This wasn’t 100% true. He didn’t really want to hear all of the nitty gritty details of her Spring Break, most likely spent with Matt and his upperclassmen friends. Louise was crazy so her stories were bound to be good, but what Dan was really going over to do was tell her about him and Phil. He remembered the conversation they had before break in which he promised her that she would be the first to know if he were gay. That seemed like a far fetched situation in his head then, but it was suddenly relevant. He didn’t want Louise to come marching over to break his bones, so it was just easier this way.

His phone buzzed in his hand.

_Louise: YES. I have so much to tell you! <3_

He chuckled to himself and put his phone away, making sure he didn’t get called out for it. He sat up straight and started to look forward to the end of the day.

Sooner than he thought, his class was dismissed and he was on his way over to his friend’s room. He knocked and stood outside while fixing his fringe and waiting for her to answer.

Her chipper smile was comforting to see, instantly reminding him why he hung around her. Her face was freshly tanned and Dan smiled at her, giving her a glimpse of his dimple. He knew she loved that.

“Oh Danny! It’s lovely to see you!” she pulled him into the room as she lunged forward and tackle hugged him. He made a small squeak when she squeezed just a little too hard on his stomach. It wasn’t until after she released him that he noticed her desk. Placed on little pink napkins with white lace were tea sandwiches accompanied by two dainty cups filled with light brown liquid. Louise had prepared tea for them. Actual tea and sandwiches. Dan couldn’t help but smile.

“Louise...” he shook his head and smiled in her direction. “You didn’t have to do this.”

“Oh of course I did, Love,” she smiled and gestured for him to sit with her at the desk. He did as he was told, sitting on the chair with the little pink pillow on the seat. “We can’t share our Spring Break stories without tea and a little snack.”

Dan only lifted the little cup he was given and took a tiny sip. Perfectly warm. Louise sure did know how to host.

“I’m so glad you texted me. I was just thinking about you and Philly. How was your break?” she asked, surprising Dan with how fast this was being brought up. He shook his head.

“You first. Please. Tell me what you did,” he wanted time to formulate how he was going to tell Louise, the most eccentric human being alive, that he was dating a boy.

“If you say so. I mean, honestly Danny, I didn’t do much.”

Now that was a shock.

“I actually went home with Matt and met his family. I spent the whole week with him and his brother at the beach. It was quite nice actually,” she said, sipping some of her tea and taking a small nibble from her sandwich. Dan had to sip more tea to keep his mouth from dropping open.

“Seriously?” he asked her, completely thrown off guard.

“Yeah, Matt and I are starting to get kind of serious. I was really nervous at first, but I had a wonderful time. His parents are darling,” she said to him with not a hint of sarcasm. Dan couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

“Oh my God,” he kind of laughed, taking a bite out of his sandwich. “Louise, you’ve turned soft.”

“Oh I know!” she exclaimed, sounding quite mortified. “I’ve become one of _those_ girls. I’ve been writing _Louise Watson_ on all of my papers recently. It’s _disgusting_.”

Dan chomped away on the delicious sandwich. He was equally shocked as he was happy for Louise. Yeah, maybe she didn’t have the Spring Break he was expecting, but it sounded like one that she’d remember for a while. Louise explained her trip and where they went to Dan as he ate. She told him about Matt’s parents and family, then led into how handsome and wonderful Matt was before she stopped herself and turned the conversation back around to Dan.

“So enough about me,” she sipped her tea. “How’s my little duo? What did you do at Phil’s house for seven days?”

“Well, that’s actually part of the reason I wanted to come over. I have to fill you in on a couple of things,” he hesitated, finally feeling as though he had the words to explain to Louise what was going on. Her eyes were bright and her eyebrows were raised, she was ready. He watched her take a large sip of her tea as she urged him to go on with a gesture. Her cheeks were puffed out in an attempt to hold all the tea in her mouth. “Remember a few weeks back, you told me that you wanted to be the first to know if-”

Tea went everywhere.

“Daniel James Howell!” she screamed, not apologizing for the complete mess she had just spit all over Dan. Louise was a smart girl and it seemed that Dan didn’t even need to finish the sentence he had practiced a few times over in his head. She had pieced it together. “You’re joking with me right now. Tell me you’re not _serious_.”

Her face was flooded with shock and Dan couldn’t tell if she was happy about this or if she was angry for some unknown reason.

“I wish I could say I was...” Dan responded quietly, still attempting to wipe all of the tea off of his now moist face.

“You’re _gay_?” she said bluntly, the word seeming to hit Dan in the gut. He still wasn’t one hundred percent comfortable with any of this.

“Not gay...”

“But you like guys?”

“A guy.”

“Phil.”

“Yes, Phil.”

Louise sat quietly in shock for a moment. She was staring down at her now soaking wet skirt with disbelief.

“I knew it!” Finally her head raised and she looked at the blushing Dan with a smirk. “Ooooh I _so_ called this!”

Dan should have seen this coming. He couldn’t have thought that he was just going to tell Louise that he had made a major sexuality choice without some sort of teasing.

“I know, I know...” he mumbled, shuffling his feet and trying to ignore how wet he was. He watched her facial reaction as he waited for her to speak again. He didn’t have much to say, but he knew she would be asking questions any time now.

“How?” she asked, expecting him to know what she was asking. Unfortunately he did. She was asking how it happened. But if he was honest, he didn’t actually know.

“It just sort of happened,” he told her, trying to sound sincere so that she would believe him. He knew that she didn’t buy it, but she also sensed how uncomfortable he was. Admitting that he was gay was already a big feat, thank goodness she could read that.

“Well Howell. Who knew your spring break would be crazier than mine?” she smirked. Dan hadn’t thought about it that way, but it made him blush, remembering the kiss they shared in Phil’s bed that seemed so intimate. The kiss that he initiated. He really was crazy. “Please tell me I get to plan the wedding!”

That’s when Dan froze.

The wedding? That was too far in the future for him to think about.

“Um...”

“Oh, you two will look _so_ _cute_ standing up their in matching tux’s! We’ll have doves and a beautiful piano- you play piano, right Danny?” she was now clapping her hands and grinning from ear to ear. Dan’s face couldn’t get more red. “I can’t wait to tell Zoe about this! I’ve been telling her all along that this was going to happen! You guys are just so-”

“Actually Louise...” he interrupted quietly. He was glad that she heard him and came to a halt because he couldn’t speak up any louder due to the forming lump in his throat. “I don’t know if I’m quite ready to...ya know. Tell people.”

“What?” Louise seemed confused.

“I’m just not ready to come out yet. I need some more time to figure some things out. Just for a little while. Could you maybe...” he fumbled over his words. “...not mention it to anyone yet?”

“Oh my God, of _course_!” she seemed apologetic now. Her face twisted into an understanding one, looking Dan in his pleading brown eyes and nodding. Dan knew he could always trust Louise wth a secret - not that he had any secrets for her prior to this. “I totally understand!”

“Thanks Louise,” he smiled with curtesy and exhaled his nervous breath that he wasn’t aware that he had been holding. “I just wanted to tell you because I made a promise. I don’t want to get killed in my sleep. I know how you are with promises..”

He joked and she laughed in response, nodding to confirm that she would indeed kill him if he hadn’t told her. But her laugh was gentle and it was comforting to know that at least Louise was there for him. He wasn’t sure what he would have done if he couldn’t run to someone with his petty problems.

“So have you guys like...” Louise started, pulling Dan from his thoughts and making his face turn a dark shade of crimson.

“No!” Dan’s wide eyes were enough to warn Louise of dangerous territory.

“Okay, okay...” Even she seemed a little pink. “I was just wondering...now that you’re into that.”

“I don’t even know if I am...” Dan admitted, trying to be honest with himself more than anything.

“What do you mean?”

“I just...I kissed him. I did that. But the thought of...” he stopped. She blinked at him with curious eyes and long lashes. “The thought of doing anything more scares the crap out of me.”

“Oh Danny,” Louise cooed, reaching out and petting his knee. “The attraction will hit you. Don’t worry. You have no idea what happens when you fall in love with someone. I promise, you’ll warm up to the thought.”

“Woah woah...I didn’t say l-”

“I know you didn’t say love. But if you feel something for Phil, then the attraction is there. Just give it time,” she spoke slowly and Dan’s brown eyes watched her lips as they spoke to him, trying to soak in every word. “In fact, the desire will be stronger if you have a connection. I mean think about your last girlfriend. When’s the last time, you uh...”

Dan was silent for a moment, facing his lap. He bit his bottom lip and then returned his eyes to the girl sitting in front of him with hope that his face said it all.

“Oooh...” her features softened. “Danny. You’re a _virgin_?”

Dan hated that word. It made him feel vulnerable. Embarrassed. Louise could obviously tell he was feeling this way and she covered her tracks.

“There’s nothing wrong with that, Honey! That just makes this all the more reasonable! Everyone is scared to do it for the first time!” she giggled and grabbed his shaking hand. “Everything you’re feeling right now is totally normal! Just take it slow and you’ll see. I promise.”

She promised him again and he didn’t even notice himself nod in response to her words. Her motherly nature made him feel secure and comfortable. He silently thanked the universe for letting this girl waltz into his life. He was already feeling much calmer.

“Thanks, Louise,” he offered her a smile instead of the scared face he was pulling only moments before and she gleamed back.

“Now...as your best friend, I have the right to know everything about this boy. Do I have your permission to do some snooping?” she leaned in close, as if it was a private deal they were discussing. Dan shrugged at her and she laughed. “I’ll take that as a yes!”

“Do what you wish. As long as you don’t tell any-”

“LOUISE!” a squeal interrupted their conversation as the door flung open. The very pretty girl with long brown hair who owned the vocal chords pranced into the room. She was holding two little black shopping bags and pulling her sunglasses off of her eyes. Her blue eyes and sparkly lashes were crisp and perfect to match her dark red lipstick. Even Dan did a double take after he caught his breath. “I have something to show you!”

“Hello Zoe, Darling!” Louise sang. “You’ve met Dan?”

“Ah yes! The one from down the hall?” she spoke at him and Dan thought her voice sounded like melted chocolate. She blinked at him and he realized he was probably supposed to say something.

“Hello.”

That would have to do.

She put her bags down on her perfectly made bed and walked over to Louise, most likely forgetting the fact that Dan was even there.

“So I went over to Alfie’s place this afternoon. Do you know what he just bought?” her fingers were scrolling through her phone, trying to find a specific picture. “Guinea pigs! Guinea pigs, Louise! They were so _cute_!”

She showed Louise the image on her phone and they both squealed.

“Alfie said that I can paint their nails if I’d like. I think I’m going to bring over that blue one that I went out and got last week. The color doesn’t suit me much, but it might suit little Percy!” she squealed as she showed Louise more pictures. “And I was thinking that maybe I could sew him a little hat to go along with it!”

“That sounds fabulous, Zoe!” Louise agreed as the other girl scurried back to her bed and sat down, giggling at the pictures she was still scrolling through herself.

Dan suddenly found himself in the middle of girl talk, Zoe jumping right into her boy problems and he took that as his queue to leave.

“I better get going,” he stated, hoping neither of them would protest to this suggestion. Luckily they were too wrapped up in the conversation they had just started that they both gave him half handed waves and he just inched his way towards the door. He quickly thanked Louise for the tea and sandwiches and let himself out, walking back down the hall to his own room. He opened his door and found himself alone again, mostly happy to have made it out of their conversation alive. Pulling a chair up to his desk, he opened his textbook and decided to try and get some work done before he got too tired. He uncapped his highlighter and went to town.

 

-

 

_Phil: Hey, what are you doing?_

_Dan: Homework. Ugh. :(_

_Phil: Aww. That’s no fun. I just got out of class. Can I come over and keep you company?_

_Dan: Only if you bring me food._

_Phil: Sure thing. Chinese or pizza?_

_Dan: It’s your turn to pick. Surprise me._

_Phil: Aye aye captain! :)_

_Dan: Hurry. I’m starving._

_Phil: Oh don’t be a drama llama. Be there in 20._

_Dan: (And for the record, don’t insult llamas. I think they’re hot.)_

_Phil: Shut up Howell._

 

Dan put his phone down on the desk and he couldn’t help but smile. He leaned back in his chair and stretched his arms. Now that he was thinking about it, he was quite hungry. Those tiny sandwiches, as good as they were, weren’t very filling at all. He also couldn’t deny that he wanted to see the other boy. He missed him. He hunched over his desk and went back to work, trying to distract himself from thinking about Phil and his adorable smile.

Luckily he didn’t have to do this for long, because twenty minutes passed rather quickly as he was staring at his textbook. He was actually quite startled when he heard Phil’s familiar knock on his door. He finished the sentence he was reading and then went to open it.

Phil stood on the other side holding a brown paper bag. Chinese. Dan hoped that was the choice Phil would make. Phil put the bag down on the desk next to Dan’s work and glanced at the textbook. Grimacing, he jumped into Dan’s bed and stretched himself out as he usually did. He put his hands behind his head and closed his eyes. Dan watched as he relocated to his desk once more, fishing through the bag that held his dinner.

“Thanks,” he said as he pulled one of the containers out of the bag. Vegetable fried rice, his favorite. He took a pair of chopsticks and as he brought his knees up to his chest, he went to town.

“You’re welcome,” he sighed pleasantly. “How’s your work coming along?”

“Ugh,” Dan groaned as he shoveled more rice into his mouth.

“That bad, huh?” Phil’s face twisted to look sympathetic and Dan nodded, chewing on a long green bean. “Well, never fear! I’m here to make it better!”

The older boy sat up a little bit and smiled at Dan, giving him a thumbs up.

“And how can _you_ make this textbook any better?” Dan said sarcastically. Phil shook his head.

“I can’t, but I can give you multiple pep talks! And I can help you relax!” Phil jumped to his feet and walked over to Dan, rubbing his shoulders lightly. Dan flinched at the touch initially, but he stopped eating and closed his eyes while he enjoyed Phil’s thumbs rubbing under his shoulder blade. “See? It’s already a little more bearable!”

“Okay okay. But if you keep doing this, I’m not gonna work. Save it for after,” Dan shooed him away from his back and Phil smirked.

“Fine,” he gave Dan’s left shoulder one more squeeze and hopped back onto the bed. “But if I wait, I get to give you an _actual_ massage.”

“What does that entail?”

“You take your shirt off.”

“Phil!”

“What? You can’t relax while getting massaged through a cotton shirt!”

“Oy,” Dan put his food on the desk next to his textbook and picked up his pen to continue writing his notes. “Fine.”

Phil pretty much squealed and clapped his hands.

“Promise?”

“Promise.” He was much more concerned about finishing his work and promising seemed to be the only way Phil would leave Dan alone to do it.

“It’s worth it, I swear.”

“Mmkay,” Dan mumbled in confirmation with a hint of suspicion. Something told him that Phil just wanted his hands on him with his shirt off. Dan wouldn’t admit that the thought of it was sort of appealing.

Dan worked at his homework for a while. Phil stood up from his reclining position and grabbed his food, munching away at some chicken and rice. He asked Dan at some point if he could borrow his computer to send some emails and be productive as well, which he did happily from the comfort of Dan’s bed. Dan knew that if he did this homework in his bed, he would lie down and never get up again.

After about two whole hours of them silently working, Dan was getting antsy. He was tapping his pen on the desk and shaking his leg. He had eaten all of his rice and was starting to feel the energy it was sending through him. He looked over at Phil who was hunched over and reading something on the screen of Dan’s laptop, his blue eyes amplified because of the screen’s glow. Dan sighed and laid back in his chair. He couldn’t keep working. He needed a break.

“I can’t do this anymore,” he closed his eyes and moaned. Phil looked up and smiled at him.

“Break?”

“Break.”

Phil shut the laptop and placed it on the floor next to the bed. He cocked his head as he looked at Dan leaning back in his chair. Dan was clearly uncomfortable and Phil could tell.

“Come here,” Phil scooted over on the small bed and lied back, pointing to the little spot next to him. Dan hesitated. The bed was so small and there was no way they were going to fit comfortably on that mattress without practically laying _on_ each other. But Dan realized that was most likely what Phil wanted and without letting himself convince his brain that it was a bad idea, he stood, complying to Phil’s demands slowly. Phil looked pleased.

Dan shuffled over to the bed and lied down next to Phil as the older boy reached over and placed him under his wing. Dan found his head lying on Phil’s bicep and his cheek brushing the side of Phil’s chest. He couldn’t help but smile when their feet found each other, both wiggling their toes to acknowledge the contact. The whole situation made Dan feel very warm, inside and out.

There was a long moment of silence and Dan had even closed his eyes to attempt a little relaxation when Phil spoke.

“When do I get to take my lovely boyfriend out on a date?” he asked, rather abruptly. Dan froze. As usual. He didn’t say anything though because he wasn’t sure. He forgot that he had made that deal and now he was panicked. Phil had a special way of making him feel totally secure and then throwing a curveball at him.

“Is...is this not a date?” he asked quietly. He wasn’t entirely sure what a date entailed. Eating together and hanging out? Phil’s golden laugh was kind to his ears and he felt the other boy’s chest rise and fall as he lied on it.

“No, Silly,” he ran a few soft fingers through Dan’s brown hair that hadn’t been straightened in forever. “A date means I get to take you out and show you off.”

“Oh...” Dan didn’t like the sound of that. He knew that Phil was slightly joking, he wouldn’t treat Dan like an object, but the idea of going public still terrified him. As he told Louise, he was barely sure who _he_ was, it wasn’t a good idea to try and tell the world his random findings. He needed more time. “Um...”

He hesitated. Poor Phil, having to put up with this kind of immature act. Dan knew he was difficult but he couldn’t help feeling nervous. All of this was foreign territory. None of this was familiar. He was embarrassed that he needed so much time to sort things out.

“Dan?” Phil turned to look down at the younger boy who’s heart rate had increased ever so slightly. Great, they were so close, Phil could probably feel it pounding in his chest. “What’s wrong?”

Dan still didn’t really know how to put it into words. _I’m not ready to admit that I’m gay_ seemed a little offensive and _I don’t wanna be seen in public holding your hand_ sounded even worse. He just blushed a little and turned to hide in Phil’s side. Luckily, Phil never changed face from the kind boy Dan had got to know. He just played with the hair on the back of Dan’s head carefully and waited for Dan to figure out how to say what he needed to say. Patient Phil.

“I don’t know if I’m ready to...” he spoke quietly. “...to tell other people about this.”

That sounded harsh but he hoped Phil understood.

“This? You mean, _us_?” Phil asked. Dan nodded and Phil pulled Dan closer, if that was even possible. “Aww. Dan that’s okay.”

“It is?” Dan was shocked, looking up at the older boy and hoping the pink had disappeared from his cheeks.

“Of course. You need time. I get it,” Phil reassured and Dan let out a slow breath with a smile. “For pete’s sake, you _just_ found out you like dick. It’s gonna take you a while.”

Dan flinched at Phil’s words but they made him smile. Regardless of how Dan felt about male genitalia, Phil was right. This was a recent development to Dan’s character and he had the right to sort it out himself before he let everyone else know about it. Thank goodness for Phil Lester.

“I’m sorry about the date...we can just raincheck it if you-”

“Oh no, Dan. The date is happening. We’ll just have to go somewhere less public,” Phil said, rubbing Dan’s arm. That didn’t sound too bad. Dan could deal with that. “But just so you know...I’m willing to wait as long as you need me to while you figure out what’s happening. Okay? Only we will know.”

“Um...alright. But just so you know...” he started.

“Louise knows?”

“How did you-?”

“She sent me a congratulations text earlier today.”

“Dear God...”

“It was endearing. She sent a picture of a guinea pig along with it. Pretty cute if you ask me.”

“I hate her.”

“You love her.”

“I know. Just wish she didn’t have to get her nose in my business.”

“Well you were the one who told her in the first place.”

“You know Louise, she would have killed me if I didn’t tell her. I would rather deal with this cringy stuff instead of dealing with her wrath. Did you know how badly she threatened me when she thought I was gay all those weeks ago? Phil, I thought I was going to die. No joke.”

“Okay okay. So just you, me and Louise will know. Is that okay?”

“Okay,” he confirmed with a slight smile, glad that he had Phil to pull him gently into this world. Dan could feel how tightly Phil was holding on to him, their sides flushed together and his arm wrapped around him carefully. It felt like a cradle and the last time he was this comfortable had been when he woke up that last day at Phil’s. “I really missed this.”

He heard himself say the words and even his own eyes widened. He could feel Phil’s excitement as he leaned down to place his chin on Dan’s head.

“I missed it too. I miss having an extra person around. I’ve been very lonely these past 24 hours,” Phil spoke and Dan could feel the vibrations in his chest. They felt like a light purr that would leave a cat when scratched. “I had a really hard time sleeping last night.”

“Me too,” he admitted. He was saddened that Phil was having a hard time sleeping as well, it made him feel bad. He didn’t want Phil to suffer for any reason, let alone because of Dan.

“I um...saw that you were watching our video. It was still up when I opened your computer today. You missed me that much, huh?” he snickered and Dan shoved Phil a little.

“Don’t flatter yourself,” Dan smiled and sarcastically added. “I just think I happen to look really good in that video.”

“I agree. You’re smokin’ hot,” Phil winked and stuck his tongue out a little.

“Stop!” Dan chuckled and his face went red. He turned away from Phil a bit and pushed him away slightly.

“How about I give you that massage now?” Phil asked, still slightly chuckling. “You need to get back to work and I need to get to sleep. Let me help you relax before I go, please?”

“You just want me shirtless,” Dan squinted at the other boy who was still smirking. Dan had sat up a little, staring down at the older boy.

“That’s only a bonus. Come on! I’m good at it!” he pleaded. Dan contemplated the thought of Phil’s hands on his tense shoulders. The thought was tempting. And what harm could the act bring? It’s not like he could get pregnant from being shirtless. He stared into Phil’s pleading eyes for one more moment and he sighed while he nodded.

“Okay. But only because I promised earlier and I wouldn’t break a promise,” Dan sat up and gripped the bottom of his cotton shirt. He eyed Phil for one more moment and sighed, lifting it slowly above his head. Phil watched him, Dan noticed his eyes going from Dan’s face to his naval with a dropped jaw. Phil immediately corrected his look of awe but Dan had already seen it and he shook his head, trying to cover himself up a little with the shirt now draping from his hands. “Don’t look at me like that!”

“I’m sorry. I’m being so rude. But Dan...” Phil bit his lip. “You’re _so_ hot.”

“Thanks?” Dan was probably blushing on his chest by now. Phil sat up and looked into Dan’s eyes and the shirtless boy could tell that Phil was trying everything he could not to look down and make Dan uncomfortable. He appreciated that.

“Lie on your stomach,” Phil ordered and Dan did what he was told. Phil climbed over Dan and sat on his lower back. For some reason, this all felt very normal. Dan wasn’t going to question it, he just wanted to get it over with. Dan was about to start regretting his decision to allow Phil to massage him when he felt the warm hands on his back. He sank into the bed as Phil slid his hands from the bottom of Dan’s back to the top, wrapping them around his shoulders and then rubbing his thumb over his shoulder blades. Dan closed his eyes and shuddered. It had been so long since someone had touched him there, let alone given him a massage. Phil worked slowly into his back, pushing into and around the sore muscles. Dan had not even been aware of how much pain he was dealing with until it was suddenly being eliminated by the boy on his back. He let out the breath he was holding and relaxed himself into phil’s touch.

“Is this okay?” Phil asked, probably knowing the answer. He just wanted Dan to say it.

“Mmhmm,” Dan managed to mumble into the pillow, muffling his voice. “Thank youu.”

Phil didn’t respond with words, he only slowly brought his hands down the younger boy’s back and slid them back up as he worked on Dan’s spine. The feeling made Dan shiver slightly but he felt the warmth go from his abdomen to his neck. It was incredible.

“Where did you learn how to do this?” Dan asked in-between little grunts.

“Lots of practice I guess,” Phil said softly while he worked at Dan’s neck. Dan didn’t want to think about Phil’s hands on another person so he shook that thought from his head and leaned into the touch.

That was the last they spoke for at least ten minutes. The next few moments were filled with Dan sighing beneath Phil as he eliminated the knots from his back and shoulders. Dan had never felt so relaxed in his life and when Phil finished up with a light back scratch, Dan felt like he was going through withdrawal. He lied there with his face in the pillow and his arms limp, one hanging loosely off the bed as Phil climbed off of him and sat on his knees next to Dan on the mattress.

“All done,” he gleamed and Dan turned his head to look up at the boy staring down at him with a smile.

“You’re amazing...”

“I know,” Phil gloated. “But hey, next time it’s gonna cost you.”

Dan slowly sat up and his eyes were still pretty much shut.

“Why did you have to stop?”

“I have a test tomorrow morning. I have to go get some rest,” Phil said sadly, getting up from the bed and stretching his arms above his head, cracking his knuckles. Dan watched him and he nodded, understanding the importance of a good night sleep. He was planning on finishing the rest of the chapter and then clocking out. It was getting late anyway. He stood up as well and he walked over to the middle of the room where Phil was stood. He felt so loose and relaxed. He wished he didn’t have any more work he had to do.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, right?” Dan muttered, embarrassed with how desperate he sounded out loud.

“No Dan, I’m never coming back,” Phil teased, pulling the shorter and still shirtless boy into his arms. His arms snaked around his bare back and Dan couldn’t help but shiver again against the tickle. Dan knew Phil was joking but the idea of older boy leaving and never coming back wasn’t pleasant to think about.

“Good luck on your test,” Dan mumbled into his chest, secretly inhaling his scent.

“Thanks. I should be fine. It’s just English,” he squeezed a little tighter.

They stayed in their hug for a few more seconds before Phil had to break it up. He was mid-yawn and Dan could see how tired he was becoming. He walked the older boy out and they said their goodnights. Dan thanked him for the massage and told him to text him before his exam. Phil agreed and left the room.

Once again, it was just Dan. He didn’t bother putting his shirt back on as he sat back down at his desk to finish his work. It only took him another twenty minutes to finish skimming over what he needed and he stripped his jeans as he climbed into his bed. His pillow still smelled like Phil which he noticed as he lied down. He turned out the light and settled into a comfortable position. His back and neck felt far less tense than they usually did and Dan was grateful that Phil took the time to help him destress. God knows he struggled enough with that.

He thought about Phil’s hands on him and the warmth that it spread through his body. He knew that the feeling wasn’t sexual but it was definitely more than a feeling he would get from a friend’s hands. Phil’s hands were something else. Warm and soft, just like Phil.

His mind wandered to the conversation he had with Louise that day, her words echoing in his head.

_But if you feel something for Phil, then the attraction is there. Just give it time._

How much time? Dan had no idea what he was supposed to be feeling for Phil, not to mention he was too scared to so much as kiss the boy. How was it that the thought of Phil’s dick weirded him out but having his hands rubbing all over his back felt so erotic? This was definitely foreign territory and it frustrated him.

He decided it wasn’t worth getting all worked up about and he let his eyes close. He would worry about it in the morning, for now, he was going to enjoy how warm and relaxed his muscles felt, along with the phantom feeling of Phil’s fingers tracing along his scapula. He inhaled the last whiff of Phil’s scent and exhaled slowly as he drifted to sleep.


	16. Chapter 16

Usually he struggled with his alarm before getting out of bed, but when he awoke the next morning, he glanced at the time to discover that it was two hours before he was supposed to be awake. He cursed his body for waking him up and he tried to turn over and get comfortable. It was then that he realized why his body had alerted him. The throbbing member between his legs was a horrendous reminder that he was still not past his awkward teenage years. He sighed with frustration. There was no way he was going back to sleep until this problem was solved. Thank goodness he had his own room.

Groaning, he reached over to check his phone. He struggled to keep his eyes open long enough to read the screen, but he smiled slightly when he saw the message from Phil.

_Phil: About to take my exam. Wish me luck! :D_

How Phil got excited to take tests was beyond him, but he put the phone down and flopped back against his pillow. The ache between his legs was persistent and he wasn’t going to be able to ignore it much longer so he bit his lip as he peeled back the duvet enough to get a hold of his waistline. He shimmied down his boxers and glanced down at his cock which seemed to bob in anticipation. Reaching down with his left hand, he grabbed it at the base like he usually did and then held his hand there for a moment. Before he started, he needed to wake himself up a little. Wiping the crust from his eyes, he thought about Phil, sitting in his exam room, hunched over a stack of papers and chewing on the tip of his pencil like he had seen the older boy do many times before. He thought about the jet black hair falling into his eyes as he ran his other hand through the hair on the back of his neck. Suddenly he felt his cock twitch and he stopped his train of thought.

Again, thinking about what Louise had said the day before, he formed an idea. It wouldn’t _hurt_ to think about Phil while he took care of his little problem, would it? It wasn’t inappropriate. They were dating after all, and plus, Phil told him that he thought about Dan. Maybe this was how he would determine once and for all if he was attracted to the older boy. Maybe this was the key.

He sat up against his pillow pile behind him and squeezed his hand a little, sending the stimulation up his spine and into his neck. He watched as the tiniest bit of precome left his slit as his cock begged him for something more than a touch. He slid his thumb over his slit to spread the natural lube down his shaft and then followed the movement with a single stroke. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes, trying to envision the other boy lying next to him.

Dan wasn’t ignorant and he had watched his fair share of porn in his day. He knew how gay sex worked, he understood what parts went where and how it was performed, but he had never found it appealing. He was intrigued, perhaps a little curious, and for the sake of his experiment he was going to try and take everything he knew and work with it.

First he tried to recall the exact detail of Phil’s face. The curves of his cheekbones, his eyelashes that surrounded his baby blue eyes, and his plump pink lips that he just longed to kiss again. He stroked his cock slowly as he thought about Phil’s tongue pushing back against his in a heated kiss. He thought about how the older boy’s hair would fall into his own face as he hovered above him. He could almost feel Phil’s hot breath against his sensitive neck, sending a shiver down his body that throbbed in his cock which sat comfortably in his wanking hand. The thought of Phil’s lips kissing the skin below his ears and his teeth nipping at his collar bones made him audibly moan which startled him a little, stopping to open his eyes and break the illusion for a moment.

Damn.

It was working, that’s for sure. Closing his eyes and continuing his stroking, he pictured the older boy’s body and the image of Phil standing with only a towel on plagued his mind. He wanted to feel his bare stomach with his fingers, scratch lightly at his chest while pressing himself against him for friction. Exhaling a breathy moan from his lips, he recalled the night before and Phil’s hands dragging down his neck and shoulders towards his lower back. The warm hands tracing every crevice on his bare skin. Dan whimpered as he thought about Phil kissing down his naval and towards his hips, skipping his cock altogether to kiss at his inner thighs. He wanted Phil to explore every part of his body with his fingers and his lips. Dan brought his other hand down to his balls and squeezed them lightly as he worked his member. His eyes were shut hard enough for him to see stars and he was beating at himself faster than he had in a while. His cock was so hard and stiff that each little squeeze he gave his shaft on his way up made his tip hurt. Trying to relieve this, his mind traveled to the image of Phil again, looking up at Dan with his hands tracing down his inner thighs, licking his lips before engulfing the younger boy’s cock into his mouth. The mere mental picture of Phil’s pink lips around his own cock gave him a warm and intense feeling in his stomach. He moaned a few times, once for each stroke and his bottom lip started to hurt before he realized he was biting on it so hard. His breathing started to fluctuate and he could tell the orgasm was pooling in his groin, ready to erupt from his swollen cock. One last thought crossed his mind, Phil working at his own erection while sucking off Dan’s, pushing the brown haired boy over the edge. He yelped as his orgasm released, sending himself into an aura of pleasure. Dan worked himself through it, the come spilling out in ripples over his chest. Even when he thought it was over, it kept coming, the liquid filling his belly button to the brim. He was panting and holding his cock in his now sticky left hand, his hair pushed back with sweat. His eyes failed to open as he lied there feeling the warm come covering his chest and stomach.

After about a minute of letting his body recover, he fluttered open his eyes and took in the mess he had made.

Theory proven, he sat up a little with a trembling breath, reaching over for a tissue. This changed everything. Not only had Dan realized he was attracted to his boyfriend in a sexual way, he now understand what Louise was talking about. His sexual desire for Phil was much stronger than any desire he had in the past, probably because of how much he liked Phil in a romantic sense. The feeling he was basking in was incredible. He wiped up what he could with the tissue in hand as he stood. His cock was falling flaccid and he was glad that his orgasm satisfied him. Sometimes he stayed hard for a while after taking care of it, mostly because the wanking is rushed and more necessity than want. Pleased with himself he walked over to the bathroom door. He started the shower and tried his best to make his bed without spreading his sticky self all over it. He had time to relax before his class, he might as well clean himself up and make his appearance presentable.

As he stepped into his shower and rinsed off his stomach with warm water, his mind returned to Phil’s warm hands from the night before. He would kill to get one of those massages from Phil again. It was magical. And all Dan wanted was to touch Phil all over. Maybe he could convince Phil to let him _give_ a massage rather than take one from him. He had never felt such a want to have his hands on another person before and he had only so much as kissed the boy. They hadn’t even got to a second kiss, how could Dan expect them to move faster if he didn’t have the balls to kiss his own boyfriend? The thought of a second kiss was almost making him hard again, Dan had to stop his train of thought before his cock realized what was going on.

He shampooed his hair and tried not to think about what he had just done to the image of Phil. In retrospect, he should have been feeling a lot more insecure about these thoughts he was having but the bliss was too much and he decided he would let himself have this one. He would let himself accept the fact that he was attracted to Phil because he so desperately wanted to feel these things. Phil was so good to him, he was glad that he could finally say he was into Phil both mentally and physically.

As he was drying himself off and choosing his clothes, he felt his phone vibrate. Phil. Naturally. He read the message, standing in his towel.

_Phil: Come over when you’re out of class. I miss you._

Dan’s heart twitched in his chest and he replied with a smile.

_Dan: Okay. See you at 2:00._

He grabbed his backpack and set out for a long day of class before he got to see his boyfriend.

 

-

 

Dan knocked on Phil’s door with his right hand, then returned it to behind his back where it remained as he swayed back and forth. He could hear Phil shuffle towards the door on his way to open it, hearing the other boy stumble a little, typical Phil. Dan’s heart rate spiked in anticipation. What was this boy doing to him?

Phil opened the door with a giant grin, his face seemed to glow under the light of the hallway. Dan took in his bright eyes and his smile that created little parentheses under his cheeks. Phil was wearing a red checkered shirt that was buttoned all the way up to his neck and a pair of black jeans that tapered down to hug his ankles. Dan looked the boy up and down and his stomach flipped. Maybe it was what he had thought about that morning or maybe it was the fact he hadn’t seen the boy all day, but he needed to get his hands on him.

Phil stepped aside to let Dan in, as usual, but instead of simply walking into the room as he normally did, he stepped in and towards Phil. The door slammed shut as Phil let go of it and Dan lunged forward, wrapping his arms around Phil’s waist. Phil made an little _umf_ sound when their bodies collided. Dan pressed his cheek into Phil’s chest and practically attempted to push through it with his nose. He mumbled something, he wasn’t even quite sure what he was trying to say, into the warm place he was nuzzled. Phil’s arms, after the initial shock of the attack, found their way around Dan’s body and he returned the hug with a chuckle and a light squeeze.

“Okay Dan, I missed you too, but what’s this all about?” Phil’s voice sounded so much better than he remembered it. He kept his face in the other’s chest and just hummed in response. Phil didn’t complain and he just rubbed Dan’s back as Dan soaked up his warmth. It felt so good to be surrounded once again by Phil’s scent and his perfect body.

After what felt like a small eternity, Dan lifted his chin from Phil’s comfortable checkered shirt and stared up into Phil’s striking blue eyes, his amused expression returning his gaze. Dan felt the same ping in his stomach as he did the night of their first kiss. His stomach pulled at his brain trying to give it a signal. He blinked a couple times at the older boy, his eyes traveling down his face and to his smiling lips. Dan wanted Phil to kiss him. Not only did he want Phil to kiss him, but Dan wanted him to stay kissing him. He wanted to feel Phil’s tongue in his mouth, taste the older boy’s flesh, he wanted to let the passion take over. But Phil only stared down at Dan, their bodies swaying a little as they stood. Dan blinked a few more times as he attempted to ask Phil silently to make a move. He could feel his stomach twisting in desire and he hoped that Phil was thinking the same thing. He didn’t bother responding to Phil’s question because he figured the look said it all.

But when the moment carried on for too long without any sign of a move from the other boy, Dan grew frustrated. Whether Phil was being respectful and taking it slow for Dan’s sake or whether he couldn’t read Dan’s body language, he wasn’t prepared to wait any longer to find out. Phil had him wrapped around his little finger and there was nothing Dan could do about it. He might as well embrace it. He slowly removed his hand from gently caressing the small of Phil’s back and with his shaking hand, he reached up and touched the older boy’s face. He felt Phil’s stubble that he had probably been too lazy to shave that morning before his exam as he slid his hand down to his chin. Before Phil could register what was going on, Dan closed the gap. Hungrily, he clasped his mouth onto Phil’s, taking his lower lip into his mouth. Phil realized much faster than the first time and was right away matching the heat coming from Dan’s actions. He couldn’t help but moan a little at the contact of the two’s tongues, Phil’s sliding gracefully along his gums. There was something to this kiss that wasn’t there during the first. Dan’s stomach felt like it was going to burst, the butterflies that had dwelled there before were long gone. Replacing them were ropes that squeezed his gut until he couldn’t breath. But he would be lying if he said that he didn’t like it. Phil was now grabbing at him, twisting the back of Dan’s shirt in his palm as he pressed on the muscles in his back. Dan could feel the way Phil’s body fit against his. He was suddenly very aware of Phil’s breathing, ragged and sporadic, his chest pressed right up against his own.

Seconds went by and more seconds followed, the two had found a comfortable stance and Dan didn’t dare move or he thought it might be ruined. Phil showed no signs of pulling away and that was part of the reason Dan kept going. His hands were sifting through Phil’s hair as he lightly scratched at the older boy’s scalp. He could hear the slight hums echoing from deep in Phil’s throat, feeling prideful that he was able to evoke such a reaction. Dan’s eyes were closed tight and when Phil’s nose pressed lightly against his own, he opened them the tiniest bit to admire Phil’s eyelashes that covered his unopened eyes. This boy was a masterpiece. A masterpiece that Dan was currently tongue wrestling. The smile that crept over his lips almost ruined their dance and Phil must have noticed because he slowed down, only pulling away enough to soften the kiss and make room for the symbol of appreciation. Dan took this as an opportunity to take a little risk, taking up Phil’s bottom lip in his teeth very gently and pulling with the most cautious of intentions. Phil seemed surprised. Dan could see him open his eyes and when they made eye contact, Phil’s eyes softened and his expression almost looked impressed. Phil pulled at Dan’s lip lightly with his own teeth in response, most likely an attempt to acknowledge Dan’s move.

Finally, after probably a minute of staggered breathing and tentative tongue exploration, Dan started to pull his face back from Phil’s. He moved slowly and carefully, never wanting this moment to end. His eyes that were now starting to open, met with Phil’s bright irises. Dan pressed his forehead to Phil’s, let out a long breath and finally settled back onto his heels. He watched as Phil distanced their faces as slow as possible, his cheeks pink and his lips slightly swollen with delight. Dan couldn’t imagine what he looked like. His hair probably reflected a bird’s nest which he attempted to smooth with his left hand. He was still being tightly embraced by the other boy who was licking his lips and trying to process the moment.

Once Dan stopped fixing up his appearance and was met with the realization that he was going to have to explain himself, he crumbled. He lost all of his confidence at once, his eyes leaving Phil’s gaze and darting around the room to locate something else that he could stare at. Something that wasn’t the boy he just sucked face with for a whole minute. Phil let go of him slightly and took a tiny step back. in reality it was probably only about an inch but to Dan it felt like miles. The motion of Phil’s arms crossing over his chest as his face tilted to admire Dan’s movements made Dan feel slightly insecure. Was Phil okay with what he just did? He supposed that if he wasn’t okay with it, he would have backed away and not let the younger boy continue. This was only slightly comforting because Phil was still watching Dan as if he could read his thoughts. He found the courage to look up and meet Phil’s eyes but once their eyes locked, Dan melted again. The older boy looked frazzled. He hadn’t put effort into fixing his hair and his collar was a little messed up. Phil’s cheeks were still plenty pink and the way he was licking his lips suggested that he was still trying to believe what had just happened. This not only instantly made Dan feel more confident, he was also quite proud of himself. Throwing Phil off was tricky and Phil seemed to be blanking on what to say.

This moment of awe only lasted a short while before Phil cleared his throat and decided that he would be the first to speak.

“You need to stop that,” he gave a half laugh and looked at his feet, sharks and sloths on his socks today.

“Stop what?” Dan responded, a little worried that he had made the wrong move.

“Surprising me. One moment I think I’ve got you all figured out and then you waltz in here and kiss me without warning...” he seemed starstruck. “I didn’t think you were..”

“Ready?” Dan suggested. Not even he knew he was ready for that. He couldn’t control what his gut told him to do. He was just as shocked with his own actions as Phil was however this time, he had come prepared.

“I’m gonna be honest, Dan, I’m kind of jealous,” he shook his head, stepping a little closer. Dan tilted his head and his eyebrows furrowed.

“Jealous?”

“Yeah! This is the second time _you’ve_ kissed _me_. I’ve gotta step up my game,” he admitted. “I’m jealous. _I_ wanna start kissing _you_.”

“Who said you couldn’t?” Dan bit his lip, inching closer to Phil.

“I’m sorry, I thought we agreed on taking this slow,” Phil joked. “So, you. You said I couldn’t.”

“Well now I say you can,” Dan’s cheeks flushed but he couldn’t care. His nose was practically pressed against Phil’s.

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah.”

And just like that, Phil kissed him again. This time softer and less ridden with heat. Phil’s lips glided against Dan’s and before he could even begin to get worked up again, Phil pulled away far too soon.

“Something tells me that you are are getting a little warmed up to the idea of liking guys...” Phil twirled a strand of Dan’s hair from behind his ear in his fingers. Dan lightly pushed the other boy’s chest which was still only inches from his own.

“Shut up,” Dan mumbled. He looked up and gave the boy a glare to remind him to watch it. Yes, this was progress. Sure, Dan was warming up to the idea of being in a relationship with Phil, but that did not make it any less confusing for him. He was still entirely unsure about his own feelings towards the boy standing before him. Phil was closer to him than any other person in his life, past or present. This was problematic because Dan had nothing to compare the relationship to. Not to mention all of his love interests had been girls. He knew what he liked in girls. He knew how to be with girls. He was not trained for this. This was not just another relationship with a girl. This was Phil. This was his best friend Phil. Phil who was now his boyfriend and Phil that he could still taste on his lips when he licked them. That boy treated him better than anyone. To Phil, he was special. Phil was special to him. Was this what it felt like to have feelings for a guy? Is this what it felt like to be in-

“You truly are something, Howell,” his second name fell from Phil’s lips and Dan snapped to attention.

“So are you,” Dan mumbled, trying to get out of the cloud of thought he had somehow ended up in. “I really appreciate you caring though.”

“Caring? Of course I care, Dan,” Phil seemed confused by Dan’s statement.

“No, I mean...” Dan wasn’t sure how to word it. “I appreciate you taking it slow for me. Thank you for caring about me enough to consider-”

His sentence was interrupted by another kiss. A short kiss. A kiss that startled Dan, shutting him up.

“Just let me know if I’m moving too fast, okay?” Phil said softly, pulling the boy into another hug. Dan nodded into Phil’s chest. The hug lasted for a few seconds and when Phil pulled away, he gave Dan a final glance full of care and sweetness before he turned around and grabbed a textbook. “I have to do some homework. You wanna keep me company?”

“Sure,” Dan sat at the end of Phil’s bed where he normally situated himself. He hadn’t brought anything with him to work on so he intended to keep himself busy by fishing through Phil’s stuff. This was a fun little activity he occupied himself with sometimes while Phil was too busy to pay attention to him. He sat crosslegged and glanced down at Phil’s unorganized floor. Spotting a composition book that looked rather torn and tattered, he leaned over to grab it. It was sitting underneath some grammar textbooks so he gently shoved them to the side and snatched the object he was reaching for. The bed dipped a little but Phil didn’t even bat an eyelash. They were however much closer than they usually sat. Their knees were touching today. He cracked open the book and put his cheek in his hand as he started to read quietly.

“What’s this for?” Dan asked, flipping through the composition book in his hands. Phil’s chicken scratch handwriting filled the pages, all over the place yet filling each line with written text and tiny drawings. Phil looked up and smiled.

“That’s my notebook for my creative writing class,” he answered, returning to his textbook. “My old one anyway. I had to buy another one rather recently. I ran out of room in that one.”

Dan flipped through the filled pages and glimpsed at the clusters of scratched out sentences and little notes in the margins. There seemed to be outlines for videos as well. He identified a few titles on some of the pages.

Finally he managed to flip through most of the pages in the book. He wasn’t really reading anything quite yet, only admiring the quantity written within the space given. But when he got to the end of the book, a neatly written story filled the lines of the last page.

_The Prince and the Stranger_

The title at the top of the page was written in blue ink and the uppercase letters swirled a little. He glanced over at Phil who was deep in his textbook and Dan just returned his eyes to the page and began to read the story to himself.

> _Once upon a time there was a Prince. The Prince was handsome and he was royalty, but his life was far from perfect. He was young and popular but very lonely. The Prince returned each night from his princely duties to a big castle with nobody to share it with._
> 
> _The Prince had been offered the hand of many princesses. The Prince would sometimes travel far across the land to meet and marry the offered princesses. However the Prince wouldn’t marry any princess that he didn’t love and he would once again return to his empty castle alone._
> 
> _One night as he was returning from a quest to find a proper wife, he ran into a young stranger. The boy was not a prince nor a king. He wasn’t even of royal blood. Only a boy who liked to explore and talk to strangers. The stranger crossed paths with the Prince on his way home from an adventure and he offered to walk the young man home since they were headed in the same direction. It was late and lions were known to attack in this area of the kingdom. The Prince graciously accepted as it was taking him far longer than expected to return home._
> 
> _The two walked side by side, a Prince and a young stranger, towards the castle at the end of the road. The stranger was unaware that he was walking with a Prince, promising to protect him no matter what status he held. The Prince made no effort to tell the stranger he was royalty because he enjoyed the way he was being treated. Having someone care about him and not his status was refreshing. Not even the best of the princesses could provide that for him._
> 
> _Finally the two reached the castle and the stranger finally discovered who his travel companion was. The Prince thanked the stranger and gave him a large sum of money which the stranger declined claiming that just returning the Prince home safe was payment enough._
> 
> _They said farewell and the stranger went on his way, leaving a map behind to his home in the village. The Prince went to bed feeling something he had never felt before, the feeling of-_

The story cut off there. Dan had reached the end of the composition book. He stared ahead of him at the wall. Phil’s story was much like Phil, cute and fantastical. It gave Dan a glimpse of what was constantly going on in the older boy’s brain. He turned his head slightly to face Phil who didn’t even look up from the text he was reading. Phil chuckled a little when he felt Dan’s eyes on him.

“You know what’s funny?” he asked Dan, still not looking up from his own book. “I went to get another composition book from the school shop so I could finish that story and that was the day I ran into you for the second time.”

Dan thought back to the day he went to buy flashcards. He thought about how they met and the whole thing seemed so far in the past that it almost felt like a dream. Phil finally looked up from his textbook and over at Dan. He smiled softly and grabbed the notebook from the younger boy, closing it and placing it on the side table. He reached out and grabbed Dan’s hand. Dan allowed Phil’s fingers to slip into his own, his eyes focused on the book that was now lying still on the table.

“Did you ever finish the story?”

“No.”

“What?” Dan’s head snapped to look at Phil. “Why?”

Phil just laughed.

“The story is finished already,” Phil squeezed Dan’s hand a little. Dan must have looked slightly disappointed.

“But I want to hear what happens to the Prince..” Dan mumbled. He was a little embarrassed that he was so invested in this short story but there was something about it that made him feel connected in some way. He looked over at the composition book and sighed, prepared to let it go.

“Dan,” Phil’s smile rested on his face as he scooted a couple inches closer to the boy beside him.

“Hm?”

“You are the Prince.”

The kiss that followed was more powerful than every kiss so far, combined. Dan felt Phil’s mouth collide with his own and simultaneously his heart leaped from his chest. There was something about the way Phil was touching him this time that sent sparks through his body. If the other kisses hadn’t proven his desire for his boyfriend, this was his final proof. Phil seemed to pick up on this, probably by the way Dan was trying to catch his breath, and he slowed down. Eventually pulling apart and taking a breath himself.

“However there is a flaw to the story,” Phil remarked, smiling with his tongue poking out slightly.

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah. I forgot the part where the Prince throws away the map,” Phil teased, chuckling a great deal.

“Hey! That’s not fair!” Dan shoved him a little.

“It’s true, is it not?” Phil’s grin only grew.

“Yeah, but it worked out in the end!”

“Whatever you say, Prince. Good luck finding my village.”


	17. Chapter 17

About a week passed quickly for the both of them. Dan went to every one of his classes, finally feeling like he was actually grasping some of the concepts. They still weren’t fun, but what Law student actually thought that school was fun? Dan worked hard and kept his mind focused on getting good marks. He hung out with Phil every day, the little bits of cuddling and hand holding probably a large reason for his success. He loved coming home after a long day at school to relax and feel comfortable with his boyfriend.

Phil hadn’t forgot about the date that he had promised they’d take. Slowly, as Dan was getting a little more comfortable with him, Phil had been planning something and Dan wasn’t allowed to know what it was. Dan still wasn’t ready to come out to other people just yet, Phil knew that, but he was far more comfortable with calling Phil his boyfriend and showing slightly more affection. In just a week’s time, Dan was asking Phil when the date was going to be. Phil insisted that it had to be Sunday night but he wouldn’t indicate why. Dan was growing excited. Aside from his secondary school girlfriend, he hadn’t been on a real date before. Phil tried to remind him that they technically went on a few dates already. Implying that every night in the Diner was a date and the Skybar when they went to Phil’s hometown counted. Dan understood where Phil was coming from, but he didn’t consider those moments dates. He wasn’t aware they were dates, no matter what Phil thought about him at the time.

Suddenly it was Sunday evening and Dan was staring at the ceiling in his room. Dan hadn’t seen Phil yet that day and it was unusual because they rarely went a whole day without doing something. Phil had to plan for their date so he was running some errands and taking care of some things. It gave Dan time to study, but when his work was all done, he grew antsy. Dan was expected to be ready in an hour and his mind wouldn’t calm down. He felt strange. He felt the way Louise always explained she did while waiting for her dates. Time was moving incredibly slowly. He always laughed at her when she told him about how the time moved slower and he always wondered how someone could be so completely devoted to another human that their moments waiting for the other slowed to the speed of nothing, yet here he was lying face towards the ceiling in his made bed and waiting. A week ago, his brain would probably be plagued with worry. Thoughts about how he wasn’t sure about anything and how he was nervous would have flooded his inner dialogue. However, he knew better now. He knew that this relationship was something special. Something that was at least serious right now. Whether he accepted his own feelings towards a gender or not, he definitely felt something towards Phil. It was a strong feeling in his chest that only pulled him closer to the other boy. This time, he was excited. Maybe this was why Phil waited so long, in hope that Dan’s nerves would dissipate and the only thing left would be excitement.

Dan played with the buttons on his casual attire. Phil had said to dress casually and so Dan chose a simple black button down with a collar, paired with a pair of white skinny jeans that he had cut to make shorts. He rarely wore them but they seemed appropriate today. He spent twice as long on his hair as he usually did, straightening it to perfection. He didn’t want his hair to resemble a hobbit, not on an important evening like this.

Molasses moves faster than time did that hour and when Dan finally heard the knock on his door, after fixing his hair for what seemed like the millionth time, he sprung from his bed and cleared his throat. He padded over to the door and opened it, revealing a very groomed Phil.

Phil was usually very casual. Most of the time, he wore fun t-shirts and button downs with patterns, but when Dan pulled back the door, standing in the hallway was a boy in a plain white button down. Long sleeves and black skinny jeans. His hair was perfect, falling in all the right places over his face. Dan couldn’t help but smile as he looked over his boyfriend’s appearance.

After staring him down for a few moments his attention relocated to the backpack that was slung over Phil’s shoulder. It looked relatively stuffed and Dan was instantly intrigued. Phil had mentioned that this wasn’t going to be a regular date. But Dan halted his questions and stepped outside to join the older boy in the hallway. He was ready.

“You sure do clean up well,” Dan touched his shoulder to Phil’s as they left their accommodation building. They wouldn’t hold hands in public just yet so this was a strong substitute. Dan followed Phil’s lead as they walked down the path and away from campus.

“Thanks,” he tipped his head slightly at the younger boy. “You look great too. But you always look great.”

Phil called Dan handsome all the time. Sometimes when they were right in the middle of lunch and Dan would be halfway through a disgusting burger. Sometimes he would call Dan handsome while they were playing Mario Kart and Dan would lose focus and throw the match. It was constant. Phil liked to remind Dan that he was something to look at. He seemed to know how insecure he was at heart.

“So what are we doing today, Phil?” Dan tried. He knew Phil wouldn’t tell him.

“You know I can’t tell you that. It will ruin the illusion,” Phil sang. Dan realized the other boy had picked up the pace a little. Phil was headed away from their little University town and towards nothing that Dan was aware existed. Dan was already lost. When he realized this, he stepped closer to the other boy.

“Well are we almost there?”

“I can’t tell you that either.”

“It’s getting dark, Phil,” the date had been scheduled for a rather late time. Dan hadn’t questioned it but now that he could feel the darkness looming over them he was getting a little spooked. Especially because they were walking further and further from everything he was used to.

“I know.”

Phil knew Dan was afraid of the dark. He trusted Phil enough to know that he must have considered this. Dan looked around at the empty streets and recognized the lack of other people. A sigh of relief washed over him as he took the opportunity to cling to Phil’s arm. Phil chuckled when he felt the younger boy grasping onto his bicep, glancing down to make sure Dan was okay.

After seeming to walk in the dark for another twenty minutes or so, Phil stopped abruptly in what seemed to be a park. Dan had never seen this park before - night or day. He had no idea where it was in relation to the rest of Manchester but there they were, standing in a dimly lit park with the city’s light behind them. Dan spun around and noticed the lack of people. It was a Sunday night after all. They were stood on the grass to the side of some flowered hedges and Phil dropped his backpack.

“What are we doing here?” Dan asked the other boy who was just smiling as he stared at the sky. “Where is...here?”

“St John’s Garden,” Phil answered as if it was obvious. Dan wasn’t aware that there were places with this much greenery in Manchester. It surprised him but he was impressed that Phil had led them here. It was exactly what Dan had wanted, a secluded place with zero people.

“Okay...” he cocked his head. “But what are we doing here?”

“We...” Phil leaned over and unzipped his backpack. “Are going to have a night picnic.”

“A night picnic?” Dan echoed.

“Yes. A night picnic,” Phil yanked a blanket from the backpack and Dan understood why the bag looked like it was going to bust any second. Phil shook out the folded blanket and placed it gently on the ground beneath their feet. Phil kicked off his shoes, discarding them to the side by his less stuffed backpack. He plopped himself down on the blanket and then leaned back on his elbows, looking up at Dan. “Come on now. Join me.”

Dan couldn’t argue. This was definitely something he had never done before. He slowly removed his shoes and placed them gently beside the blanket and sat down next to Phil. The blanket was small so they were sat pretty close. Dan was almost one hundred percent certain that Phil did this on purpose. He had many blankets to choose from, it was no accident he chose the smallest red one. Dan looked around again. There wasn’t another person for miles. All he could hear was the distant city traffic and the ballsy cricket that sat beside them in the hedge.

“A night picnic..” Dan mumbled out loud. The corners of his mouth lifted. Phil saw this and nodded, putting his head on Dan’s shoulder. It was very quiet now. The sound of their footsteps had left them and all that was left were their slow breaths and the sound of silence. Dan broke it with a question. “So if it’s a picnic, night or not, doesn’t that entail that you brought food?”

Phil’s gentle laugh was nice. Dan forgot how much he loved the sound. Dan could barely see Phil’s face, the only light offered to him was the moon above them, but even that was being covered with random clouds.

“Yes Dan, I brought us food,” he gestured towards the backpack. “Are you hungry now?”

“A little,” Dan admitted. There was no point lying. Dan hadn’t eaten much in the past few hours just in case Phil was intending to take him out to dinner somewhere secluded. He never would have guessed this however.

“Okay. Well here,” Phil leaned over and pulled out a little brown paper bag. He grabbed a triangle shaped sandwich out of it and handed it over to Dan.

“Is this a grilled cheese?” Dan asked as he looked down to inspect what he could in the little light he had. He was shocked that it had managed to stay somewhat warm in Phil’s bag.

“Yeah?”

“Phil...why did you bring grilled cheeses? Don’t you hate cheese?”

“Yes.”

“Then...”

“It’s the only thing I know how to make,” Phil laughed at himself, hiding his face in his hands. “I know how to make eggs. And some very very crispy or underdone bacon...but picnic friendly meals are not my specialty. I figured I’d just make something easy. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry,” Dan bit into his sandwich with a smile. “I like cheese. But what will you eat?”

“Oh don’t worry about me, Dan. I’m not super hungry just yet. I’ll wait for dessert,” Phil smiled at him and reached to grab Dan’s hand - the one that wasn’t focused on shoving the grilled cheese into his mouth. “Is it good?”

“Perfect, Phil. Thank you,” he said with his mouth full of cheese and lightly toasted bread.

“You’re welcome!” he gleamed at Dan and the moon’s light reflected perfectly off of his teeth. Phil was so cute, the image of him struggling to make him a grilled cheese popped into his mind. He would have had to go to the accommodation's public kitchen and everything, risking another person coming in and making fun of his poor cooking skills. The idea alone almost made Dan choke on the last bite of his sandwich.

Phil relaxed a little as he leaned back onto the rest of the blanket. He crossed his arms and put them beneath his head as he stared up at the sky. The darkness would have bothered Dan if the stars weren’t so prominent. Luckily, Phil had planned for a night with clear skies, stars and the full moon directly above them. Dan lied down as well, his elbow touching Phil’s when he finally settled in a comfortable position. Phil seemed content. The whether was perfect, there were zero people and they had front row seats to the sky above them. No city pollution to ruin the view. It really was a wonderful idea.

“So why a night picnic?” Dan asked, curious where Phil had got the idea. He turned his head to face Phil who remained staring into the sky.

“I like picnics,” Phil stated quite simply as if it was something Dan should have known. To be fair, he did know that. Phil had mentioned this. But wasn’t the point of a picnic to enjoy the outdoors and soak up the sunshine? At least that’s what he had always figured. He had never been much of a picnic type.

“Okay. But why a _night_ picnic?”

“Because sometimes the night is more beautiful than the day,” Phil said quietly, glaring up at the moon with longing eyes. “I’ve always wanted to go on a night picnic.”

“You’ve never done this before?” Dan was shocked. Phil seemed so accustomed to what was going on, he would have guessed that he did this on the regular.

“Nope,” Phil’s eyes finally broke from the sky and looked into Dan’s which were glued to Phil’s complexion. “This is my first time.”

“Then why do it now?” Dan asked the older boy who seemed to take a moment to contemplate his answer. His slight smile disappeared momentarily and he took a deep breath.

“I have my reasons,” he stated instead of giving Dan a real answer.

“Oh come on, Phil. Tell me,” he pushed. Phil was such a complex guy. He wanted to know what was going on in his head. Phil gave him another look of hesitation but he gulped and carried on.

“I used to go on a lot of picnics with Alex. That was like...our thing,” Phil started slowly. “And I used to tell him he reminded me of the sun on a picnic. Warm and bright and happy. But when we, ya know, broke up...I didn’t really want to go on any more picnics.”

Dan was saddened at the mention of Alex but Phil seemed to be doing okay so he nodded and let the other boy carry on.

“So I avoided picnics. Didn’t let myself enjoy the sunshine like that for a while. I would go out on walks at night because I couldn’t go outside and enjoy the sunshine during the day. I grew accustomed to the night sky. Fell in love with it really. On one of those nights, I met you. A night a lot like this one actually. But you didn’t remind me of the sun. You reminded me of the moon. Full and mysterious but always there,” Phil offered Dan a smile and the younger boy only sat there in awe at Phil’s beautiful words. He returned his eyes to the sky and watched as the clouds cleared the moon a little, revealing the glow that it so desperately wanted to share with the darkness of the night. It was crazy how Phil could compose these words without any sort of forethought. He guessed that sort of thing came with being an English major. Using words as an art form. That was something Dan wished he had the ability to do. “So when I was thinking about our first official date, I figured we could do something that matched the way I met you. I will always think of that night as the night I met the moon.”

Dan was stunned. He wasn’t sure how to react to this. It gave him slightly more context about why Phil was out walking the night they met in the first place. He hadn’t asked, Phil had never brought it up and Dan respected that it may not have been important. But this was honestly the best compliment he had ever received. Here Phil was, the perfect boy, telling Dan that he resembled the full moon above them.

“That’s why we had to wait till tonight,” Phil added. “I wanted you to meet the full moon like I did that night. I wanted you to see how beautiful it is. How beautiful you are.”

Phil was not looking at the sky. His eyes were on Dan. Dan was staring up at the moon which was illuminating the leaves on the trees that reached for it. He was melting to Phil’s words. More than the cheese on the sandwich that Phil had made him. Dan didn’t know what to do with this information. He studied the moon for another short moment, blushing at the thought of Phil seeing him the way he saw the moon right now 

“Dan?”

“Hm?” he asked with a slight hum from the bottom of his throat. When Phil didn’t respond, he tore his gaze away from the brightness of the moon and turned to meet Phil’s sparkling eyes. Dan’s heart barely had the time to flip when Phil lifted himself up and closed the gap between them. Phil was now half leaning over Dan who was pressed against the ground with the pressure of Phil’s lips. He let his mouth meld with Phil’s as they kissed. The feeling of Phil’s lips felt far less foreign than they had a week ago. The week was filled with light kisses and small pecks on the cheek when saying goodbye. Nothing like this though. This put their second kiss to shame with how passionate it was. With Phil’s head leaning over Dan’s, he couldn’t even see the moon anymore. It was dark. Phil’s face just barely visible from millimeters in front of him, not that it mattered because Dan’s eyes were closed.

This was not intended to be a short kiss. For seconds the two kissed softly, feeling the sides of each other’s faces. Dan could feel that Phil had shaved only hours before their date, the stubble from before was gone. His hand glided across the older boy’s jaw as he plunged his tongue a little deeper into his mouth. The kiss progressed from there, getting more heated by the second. Phil eventually moved closer to Dan, pressing his chest against Dan’s and their sides connecting. Dan hummed quietly into the kiss as he felt Phil grow closer. He wanted Phil closer, he wanted there to be no space between the two of them. His arms slid down to Phil’s back and he tugged a little in an effort to signal to Phil his desire. Phil obviously realized what Dan was going for but he was pretty much as close as he could get to the younger boy. He slowed their hungry kissing and pulled away for a moment. He looked into Dan’s dark eyes which flew open when Phil disconnected their lips. He stared at Dan, squinting his eyes and swallowing the spit that had been collecting in his mouth. He slowly, as if trying to conduct some sort of science experiment that could be ruined by one little screw up, lifted his leg up and over the younger boy. Dan’s breathing slowed as he felt Phil’s leg cross to the other side of him and rest against his right hip. Phil kept eye contact with him the entire time. He lifted himself up on his arms and he followed his leg with the rest of his body until he was on his hands and knees over top of Dan. Dan looked up at him in anticipation, trying to slow his heart rate. Phil leaned his head down to Dan’s face and placed their foreheads together but not their lips. Dan felt the shaky breath leaving Phil’s nose, he was nervous. Dan was about to reconnect their lips on his own in an effort to calm his friend when he realized why Phil was breathing unevenly. Phil lowered himself on top of Dan who felt Phil’s body weight entirely fall against his front. Out of instinct, Dan pushed his legs to the side slightly so that Phil’s legs could fall between his own. Their chests and stomachs were pressed against each other and Dan could feel Phil’s heart rate against his own. The feeling itself was exactly the closeness that Dan craved. He didn’t even need the kiss that followed because of how close and warm he felt already. Phil did kiss him though, after checking to make sure Dan was still okay with this move, he picked up right where they left of. The heat returned to their mouths as quick as it had left. This time, Phil was raking his hands through Dan’s hair and Dan’s arms were wrapped around Phil’s back. Phil’s weight on top of him didn’t bother him at all, in fact he barely noticed. He was focused on feeling each rise and fall of Phil’s chest.

This went on for a while. Dan had never kissed anyone for this long before. It went on for minutes which felt like hours. The cool breeze that swept through the garden at some point made Dan shiver and his body reacted by pulling Phil down against him harder. His hands rubbed up and down Phil’s back slowly and he could have sworn he heard the other boy moan when he reached his lower back. Dan was enjoying the feeling so much, he barely noticed any of Phil’s subtle movements, especially those of his hips. But once Dan noticed it, it was the only thing he could feel, Phil’s hips rolling lightly onto his own. He decided that they had been making out for a while now and he didn’t want it to get too heated. He wasn’t sure how ready for that he was so he held his breath and started to slow their kiss. Phil noticed and it only took a few seconds for Phil’s lower half to stop moving against Dan’s and his lips to break from the younger boy’s all together. They kept their foreheads together for a moment as they panted lightly into each other’s faces. Phil’s smile had crept across his face and Dan must have looked starstruck. He was in awe at how good kissing Phil felt. He wished he had known this sooner. Dan’s lips were buzzing with the phantom feeling of Phil’s and each breath he took reminded him that Phil was still lying directly on top of his body. There was zero space between them now, just the way Dan had wanted.

“Oh dear,” Phil muttered, shaking his head into Dan’s forehead.

“What?” Dan bit his lip as he rubbed the older boy’s shoulder lightly.

“I’m just...” it was dark but Dan could still see how red Phil was. “I’m just so in love with you, Dan.”

Dan’s heart stopped again at the use of the L word. He had known this, Phil had told him this, but the word was still pretty daunting.

“I know, I know. You aren’t supposed to say that on the first date,” Phil chuckled to himself like he just couldn’t believe his own words. “But I am just so mesmerized by you, Dan. I’m so glad I met you.”

“I’m glad I met you too, Phil,” Dan responded after the L word had been removed from the narrative. He was glad that Phil understood how awkward that made Dan feel, but he would never want to keep Phil from being able to express his feelings.

Phil gave the younger boy one last long look and he rolled off of him, lying down on his back beside him. Their arms were flushed together and it made Dan happy that Phil remained so close to him. Phil reached out slightly and grabbed Dan’s hand to further their contact. There was a moment of silence before Phil spoke again.

“Wanna know a fun fact?”

“Sure Phil.”

“This garden was built on top of 22,000 dead bodies,” Phil was now looking up at the stars with his other arm under his head.

“What?!” Dan sat up a little and looked around the dark park, a children’s swing set barely visible in the distance. He looked at Phil who was chuckling to himself.

“Yeah, they covered all the tombstones with 18 inches of soil. Except for one. Mister John Owens’ grave remains unburied,” Phil spewed the facts like they were totally casual. “Owens was the guy who basically founded Manchester Uni. So good thing they didn’t hide his grave, huh? Then we’d really have to watch out!”

“Phil, where are we?” Dan was not only afraid of the dark, but he was very much afraid of supernatural subjects. That one night at Phil’s house came to mind once again and he took a deep breath.

“Oh relax, Dan. We’re right around the corner from the opera house. If we walk up that street, we hit a main road. You have nothing to worry about,” Phil reassured, rubbing his thumb over Dan’s hand. “We’re only thirty minutes from campus.”

Dan tried to ease the worries in his mind as he focused on the handsome guy in front of him.

“How do you know so much about this place?”

“There’s a plaque over there. I’ve read it a couple times,” Phil smiled and squeezed Dan’s hand. “This park is also quite beautiful during the day. I just like it better at night.”

“That’s fair,” Dan said, leaning into Phil’s arm a little more.

“Wanna know another fun fact?”

“If it’s about dead people, no.”

“I promise it’s not.”

“Fine.”

“Did you know that chocolate chips were invented after the chocolate chip cookie?” Phil looked really proud of his fun fact and Dan looked back at him with one raised eyebrow. “Chocolate chip cookies were actually a mistake.”

“Why do you know this?” Dan asked him, confused by the relevance of this fun fact to Phil’s life.

“I learned that today while I was out and about,” Phil leaned forward and sat up a little, snatching a plastic bag from his backpack. He opened it and pulled out something that he shoved in his mouth. “Want a cookie?”

Of course Phil had cookies.

“Yes please!” Dan smiled, showing off his dimple as Phil handed him a cookie of his own. He devoured it rather quickly and when Phil lied back down, Dan kissed his cheek with crumbs still sitting on his lips. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome, Dan,” Phil had closed his eyes now, feeling the wind of the night air on his face. Dan picked the leftover cookie from his teeth with his tongue in disbelief with how perfect this night was. He was lying in an empty garden with a boy he was very fond of, absorbing the after taste of a chocolate chip cookie. He could even still feel Phil’s lips on his own and as he watched the sky he could see every star. There was a long moment of silence, but Phil wasn’t going to let that last. He changed the subject and with typical Phil nature, he asked a question.

“What do you like to be called?” Phil asked the boy who was now rubbing his stomach slowly with the hand that was not in Phil’s.

“Excuse me?”

“Nicknames. Do you have any?” Phil turned his head to study the boy lying beside him. Dan was carefully watching the rare little clouds that were floating by his favorite star clumps, but he could tell the other boy had looked his way.

“Nicknames?” Dan thought out loud. He had never been close enough with anyone to ever call him anything other than Dan. He didn’t like Daniel. It sounded too regal. And he never really thought about himself as a Danny - except when Louise called him that. It was endearing when it came from her, the same way it sounded when his mum called him Danny as a little boy. “I don’t think I have any..”

“Surely you do!” Phil exclaimed, his face ridden with disbelief. “You said you had a girlfriend a while ago. What did she call you?”

“Dan.”

“Just Dan?”

“Yeah...I think maybe she called me Baby or Sweetie once in a while, but other than that, I was just Dan,” he talked himself through his memories. He blushed a little and bit his lip before he spoke again, quieter this time. “Actually. I guess I do have a nickname. My family calls me Bear.”

“What?” Phil could probably barely hear him. He was speaking so softly now.

“My mom, when I was little, had a habit of calling me Bear. My whole family caught on and now it’s kinda a family and close friend thing. Does that count as a nickname?” Dan asked. Phil had the biggest smile on his face.

“That’s so cute.”

“Is it?” Dan’s eyebrows raised.

“Yes! _Bear_? Are you kidding? I want a nickname like that!”

“Why? Do you not like any of your nicknames?”

“I mean...Phil is technically a nickname. Nobody calls me Phillip. Not even my parents. And your friend Louise calls me Philly. I quite like that one,” he grinned. “But I’ve never really had a nickname of my own. I’ve always wanted one.”

“What would you want your nickname to be?” Dan was curious.

“Striker!” Phil said almost too enthusiastically. “Phil Striker!”

Dan just blinked at him. 

“That’s not a nickname.”

“Sure it is!”

“Phil.”

“Okay okay...hm. If I had to pick one...I’d probably go with Lion. I do enjoy lions quite a lot. Sometimes I wish I _was_ a lion,” Phil said, unconsciously reaching down to fiddle with his lanyard. This made Dan smile a little as he remembered the day he bought the small gift.

“It suits you better than _Striker_ ,” Dan mumbled.

“Hey! I’ll grow into it. You’ll see,” Phil threatened. Dan rolled his eyes and nodded.

“Sure Phil,” he returned his attention to the stars above them. Somehow the night had grown quieter. All the late night traffic had dissipated and it truly felt like it was only them in the world. Dan was blown away with how perfect being with Phil felt. Before their spring break together, Dan would have told you that this was preposterous. That there was no way in hell he would be lying on a blanket in a park in the middle of Manchester City, holding Phil’s hand. He couldn’t remember the last time that he was this happy. He felt the blush creeping onto his face and up into his ears. He wanted to tell Phil how much this night meant to him but he had no idea how to articulate it. He scooted as close as possible to the other boy who responded by pulling Dan under his arm. He loved being tucked into Phil like this. It was so new to him that he could feel every inch of touching skin, all the warmth coming from Phil and bleeding into him. Phil rested his head on his shoulder. It reminded him of the few nights he fell asleep in Phil’s bed over Spring Break and how he would have some of the best nights of rest in his entire life. Phil’s eyes eventually fell shut and his breathing slowed. He wasn’t asleep but he was as relaxed as possible. Just when Dan had finally relaxed and stopped thinking altogether, Phil broke the silence again.

“I could lie here forever, Dan. You have to tell me when you want to go home,” he spoke with a certain care in his voice that Dan rarely heard from anyone else.

“Just a few more minutes,” Dan mumbled softly from within the older boy’s embrace.

“Anything you want, Dan,” Phil responded, as if he were pleased with the answer himself. “Anything for you.”

A few minutes turned into an hour before they left their little picnic spot. Dan was starting to fade and they both had class rather early the next day. Phil was the one who had to shake Dan from his headspace when he felt it was time to go. The sky had filled with a few more clouds and it was growing chillier as the warmth from the day disappeared. The walk back was quiet and until they reached campus, Dan clung to Phil’s arm for support. They didn’t cross paths with anyone the entire walk back and Dan was too tired to care about his public display of affection.

When they reached their room and let themselves in, Phil walked Dan to his room’s door, as usual. He leaned against the doorframe as he looked up at the black haired boy before him.

“That was the best date I’ve ever been on,” he mumbled, mostly to himself but also to Phil.

“Wasn’t it the _only_ date you’ve ever been on?” Phil teased, leaning down to better see Dan’s eyes. He didn’t stand too close for the fear of Dan becoming uncomfortable. Dan appreciated the gesture.

“Still counts as the best one though.”

“And the worst,” Phil added. He had a point. “I’ll just have to try harder next time.”

Phil’s wink made Dan blush. Dan looked at his feet as he fished for his key in his front pocket. He unlocked his door and then turned around to face the older boy.

“So there’s a next time?” Dan smiled. He knew he was tired and he wasn’t able to hold back his cheesy remarks. But Phil appreciated them and he reached forward to rub Dan’s upper arm.

“Of course, Dan.”

“Well...” Dan backed into his room slowly and Phil smiled as he waited for Dan to turn on the light. He stood at the door for a moment longer and then tipped his head to Dan. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.”

Dan could see Phil turning to walk down the hall as the door shut and when it slammed the room was too quiet. Dan hated this part. The part at the end of the day when Phil went home and he sat in his empty room that was made for two. He sighed and stared at the door longer than he usually did. He didn’t want Phil to leave. He wanted to crawl into his bed and resume the exact position they held in the garden only half an hour before. He wanted to fall asleep and wake up in Phil’s arms like he did over break. He just wanted to be near Phil.

As if he had been frightened suddenly, he leaped towards the door and poked his head out into the hallway. He saw Phil walking towards the stairs as he usually did after leaving Dan’s room to return to his own on floor four.

“Phil?” he called, quietly at first so that his neighbors didn’t get bothered. Unfortunately, Phil was as good as deaf and Dan had to call after him a bit louder. “Phil!”

Phil managed to turn around just in time before he reached the staircase. He looked confused as he stood at the end of the hall for a moment and then he trotted back over to Dan’s door.

“What’s wrong, Dan? Have you forgot something?” he asked, scratching the back of his head. He looked tired too. He hoped Phil wasn’t thinking of this as an inconvenience.

“I was just wondering...” This was not the time to freeze up. This was not the time to be nervous. He knew Phil’s answer already, he just had to ask. “I was just wondering if you’d stay the night?”


	18. Chapter 18

Twiddling his thumbs, he watched Louise nibble at a piece of chicken. On a normal day he would be having lunch with Phil right now, but Phil had to go to a meeting with one of his professors about his senior class list for the next semester. Instead Dan was invited to lunch with Louise and PJ, which was something he did regularly before meeting Phil. PJ made sure to bring this up as many times as possible during the their meal.

“Nice to see you, Dan,” he greeted him when he first arrived. “It’s been a decade or so, hasn’t it?”

Dan did feel bad. PJ was a good guy. They didn’t hang out much outside of the lunches he attended biweekly with Louise, however PJ had never done anything to insult Dan and he had some real potential to be a good mate. Dan wasn’t the most social person which is probably why PJ never attempted to get buddy buddy with him. Now that Dan had befriended and become so close with Phil, it was possible PJ felt bad about their lack of connection early on. As far as Dan knew though, PJ had his own Phil. They may not be as romantically involved, but Chris and he were rarely separated. Dan was actually surprised that the two were not beside each other now. He was later informed that Chris was in class and to “not worry”, they were “still texting”. Dan laughed as he thought about what he and Phil looked like on the outside, it seemed that Louise flashed him a look too, probably thinking the same thing.

It had been a couple days since his and Phil’s secret date. Dan couldn’t stop thinking about Sunday night though. In fact, it was pretty much all he could think about. He tried to pay attention to the two sitting across from him at lunch but as he picked through his meal he couldn’t help but visualize Phil’s face.

His mind was caught up on the moment after he asked Phil to spend the night, the older boy’s gentle smile that answered his question for him without words. Dan was so afraid that he would turn him down that he had frozen in the door frame after the question left his throat. Phil had to wrap his arm around Dan’s side, clearly sensing his relapse from his moment of confidence and guiding him slowly into the room. He shut the door behind them and Phil dropped his backpack. They moved so swiftly, Dan offering Phil some sweatpants and a t-shirt to sleep in. In no time at all they were scooting into the tiny bed, Phil wrapping his arms around Dan like they had practiced on their date. Dan remembered melting into Phil, his body perfectly aligned against his boyfriend’s. It was so warm and comfortable, Dan fell asleep immediately. The last thing he remembered from that night was Phil’s soft kiss to his hairline.

“Don’t you think, Dan?” Louise was glaring directly at him and his expulsion from his thoughts was fairly obvious. His eyes bounced from one friend to the other and he admitted his defeat, having heard nothing.

“I’m sorry...I-”

“Are you okay? You look super out of it,” PJ asked him. His sense of concern was unfair. Dan was being a bad lunch mate.

“Yeah, I was just thinking about something. I’m done now though, I’m sorry guys,” Dan sat up straight and hoping his friends would understand his complete flop at being social. Louise was looking at him with knowing eyes but Dan ignored her and kept his eyesight directed at PJ. “What were you guys saying?”

“Oh, I was just telling Louise that Chris and I are going bowling tonight. We haven’t been in a while and you guys are totally invited,” PJ explained.

“But I can’t go. I have plans with Zoe and her brother Joe. But I was telling PJ that you might be interested. Is sounds like fun, huh?” Louise was talking with some chicken in her mouth and Dan just barely understood her at the speed in which she was speaking.

“Oh uh...” Dan started.

“I mean, if you have plans that’s okay. But I thought it would give you a chance to get to know Chris,” PJ sounded like he really wanted Dan to go, he had that tone laced throughout his words. Dan knew that tone. “Do you have plans later?”

“No,” Technically, he did. But Phil would understand. He was already feeling slightly guilty about dropping the ball on their friendship in the first place, it was the least he could do. Plus, there was no mistaking the way PJ’s face lit up when he said he didn’t have a prior engagement. “That sounds fun, Peej. I’m game.”

Dan got a glimpse at Louise’s face. She seemed pleased as well, for some reason it felt like she was trying to say something to him through her eyes but he decided he’d just ask her about it later instead of trying to figure it out silently over the lunch table.

“Great! Oh I’m so excited! I’ll come ‘round at about 6:00 to grab you, okay Mate?” PJ shoved some french fries in his mouth. “Let me text Chris!”

Dan reached for his phone as well, reminding himself that he had to at least _try_ and get along with others. He couldn’t just hang out with Phil and only Phil forever.

_Dan: Hey, gonna have to raincheck our plans tonight. I have to go bowling. :(_

“So how are your classes, Dan?” PJ asked, suddenly more interested in including him in a conversation.

“They’re alright. Mostly just boring,” Dan answered honestly. Ever since Spring Break, his classes had become far less interesting. It was mostly just review and preparations for finals. “How about you?”

“Oh they’re fine. I’ve got this huge film project due tomorrow,” Oh yeah, PJ was an art major. Dan had forgot. PJ looked at his watch. “Which I really should be getting to if I’m being honest. I need to allow time for bowling tonight.”

“You’ll be fine! You’re really good,” Louise complimented him as she shoved his side a little. “If it’s anything like your last film, I’m sure you’ll get high marks.”

“Yeah whatever Louise,” PJ shoved back and then looked at his empty plate. He scooted out of the booth they were sitting in and grabbed his backpack. “Sorry I have to cut this short guys. It was nice seeing you today, Dan.”

Now PJ was talking directly to him.

“I’ll see you later?” PJ offered him a questioning look, probably to give him onelast chance to back out, but Dan wasn’t doing that today. If Phil had taught him anything, it was that committing was important. Otherwise you don’t get anywhere.

“Yeah, Peej. See you later,” he waved.

PJ walked away and Dan checked his phone for the response from Phil.

_Phil: Sound more thrilled why don’t you? :)_

Dan snickered at Phil’s sarcasm. He had a point. Dan _had_ put a frowny face next to what most people would consider a fun activity. He glanced up at Louise who’s eye contact had intensified.

“ _What_?” Dan asked, his tone probably coming off as a little annoyed. To be fair, her looks were judgmental and he had no desire for his actions to be analyzed right now.

“I’m surprised you agreed to go along,” Louise admitted to him. Dan was almost insulted, but he could see where she was coming from so he held back his grimace. “You didn’t even falter. You just accepted.”

“ _And_?” Dan felt like he should be getting commended for this but Louise just seemed shocked and confused.

“Howell, I don’t know what Philly is doing to you, but I like it!” Her smile broke her judgmental face and Dan relaxed a little. So she was happy about this? “I think you’ll have fun.”

“Yeah I hope so...” Dan muttered. He really hoped so.

“Oh come on, Dan. What plans are you having to rearrange to go bowling for _one_ night? You and Phil, sitting in a tree? K-I-S-”

“ShhhHHH!” Dan reached across the table and covered her mouth. He looked around frantically to make sure nobody had heard her. “Would you shush?!”

“Danny, there is _nobody_ here. Relax,” she finished up the last bite of chicken from her plate. Luckily she dropped her voice down to a whisper. “Besides, nobody cares about you and your little boyfriend.”

“Still...” Dan sighed a little, slumping in his seat. He was kind of embarrassed about not being ready to be open about it yet. He just wasn’t ready and there wasn’t anything he could do to fix that. When he thought of telling people, letting them know that he wasn’t what he said he was, it terrified him. It terrified him more when he thought about all of those people at the party who spoke so terribly about Phil and his sexuality. He just wasn’t ready to be on the other side.

They finished their meals and when Louise and Dan parted ways, she gave him a hug. He enjoyed Louise’s hugs, they were warm and comfortable, but they were nothing like Phil’s.

Luckily, it was almost 3:00 and that was when Phil got out of class for the day. Dan decided, after putting his stuff down in his own room, he would travel up to Phil’s and wait for him to return. It was only going to be about 20 minutes from then. He may have canceled their plans that night but he wanted to see his boyfriend before he left so he wandered up to Phil’s room and knocked just in case, no answer. He figured he would beat the other boy there so he sat down in the hallway and waited for his boyfriend while he listened to The Origin of Symmetry in his earbuds, which he had decided was his favorite Muse album.

 

-

 

“Dan?” Phil turned the corner to his hallway and cocked his head when he saw the younger boy leaning his head against the door. Dan sat up straight and looked above him at the boy who was standing over him now with a grin. “What are you doing?”

“Um...waiting for you,” he mumbled while he looked up at Phil and then down at the clock on his phone. “You’re late.”

“Yeah, I had to stop by the post office on the way home...” he held up a letter in his hand that had a green envelope. Dan knew how much Phil loved green envelopes. It was like a thing. “If I knew you were coming over I would have-”

“No it’s okay,” Dan jumped to his feet and stood far closer to the older boy than he usually did in public to show his affection. It wasn’t the same as the hug he so desperately wanted, but it would do for now.

“Okay. Well here, let’s go inside,” Phil gestured towards his door, unlocking it and letting Dan walk in first. After waiting about a second for the door to slam shut, Phil’s backpack was dropped and he had his arms around the younger boy. “Hi.”

“Hi,” Dan breathed in Phil’s scent and let himself be absorbed by the hug. “I’m sorry I didn’t warn you. I just wanted to make sure I saw you before I had to leave.”

“Oh yeah, bowling. Why are you doing that?” Phil asked, probably interested in the fact that Dan had _other_ plans that didn’t involve him.

“My friend PJ and his best friend are going and they invited me,” Dan sighed. “And I felt bad because ever since I’ve been hanging out with you, I haven’t seen PJ much. He’s a nice guy.”

“Well that’s good of you, Dan,” Phil rubbed his back and finally let the hug go. He walked over to his desk and put the letter he was holding in his top drawer. “Maybe you’ll have a good time as well.”

“Yeah. I like PJ,” he smiled and watched Phil as he pulled his sweatshirt off. He tried to change the subject. “So whose the letter from?”

“Oh, just my grandparents. They like to send me snail mail. I’ll write them back later,” Phil dismissed it rather quickly, making his way back over to Dan. He stood a few inches from the younger boy and grabbed his hands. “What do you wanna do for two hours while you wait?”

Dan didn’t care what they were doing, as long as they were together. He shrugged a little and Phil grinned.

“Well then, sounds like a couple episodes of Friends are in order,” he squeezed Dan’s hands and opened up his laptop, both of them hopping onto Phil’s bed. He pulled up the episode they left off on and their sides touched as they quietly sat together until it was time for Dan to leave.

 

-

 

Dan had returned to his room a little before 6:00 to get ready. He changed from his t-shirt to an acceptable going out-shirt. He didn’t want it to look like he didn’t care. PJ was a little late but Dan didn’t mind. It allowed him some more time to prepare. He promised himself that he was going to take a few social risks. He didn’t want his shy self to take control over how much fun he had.

It was when he was nervously fixing the last strand of hair on his forehead when he finally heard the knock. He opened the door to a smiling PJ leaning on the frame.

“You ready, Mate?” he looked excited and Dan took a deep breath under his enthusiastic smile, nodding at the other boy.

“Sure am.”

They walked to PJ’s car and Dan remembered there was supposed to be another person coming along.

“Where’s Chris?”

“Oh he’s meeting us there. He was gonna grab us something to eat. Is Pizza okay with you?” PJ started the car and they backed out of the lot.

“Yeah, yeah. That’s good,” Dan was happy that he was being fed. When he decided to hang out with Phil he had sacrificed his dinner slot.

“Great,” PJ started their short drive to the Bowling Alley. “So what have you been up to the last couple hours?”

“Oh nothing really. I stopped by to see Phil for a little bit. We have this habit of getting together after class and watching episodes of Friends,” Dan answered honestly. “It’s a good system. We’ve got through quite a few.”

“How’s Phil?” PJ asked Dan as if Phil had been an old friend of his.

“He’s good,” Dan wasn’t really sure how to respond to that question, PJ didn’t know Phil at all. “He’s got a lot of homework to do tonight.”

“As expected. He’s what, a junior?”

“Yeah.”

“Wow. He’s graduating next year?”

“Yeah.”

Dan wasn’t thrilled with the idea. He also wasn’t thrilled about the conversation. But they were almost at the Bowling Alley so he didn’t try to change the subject. After a slightly elongated moment of silence, PJ spoke again.

“I would have invited him too, but I don’t think him and Chris get along very well,” PJ spoke slowly as if he was trying to remember something.

“Oh?” This was the first he had heard of this. He remembered Chris saying something to him about the beer pong incident when they first met, but he didn’t say anything about having a run in with Phil. Dan decided to attempt at finding out. “What happened?”

“Oh I don’t know... You’re really close with him so I don’t wanna speak for Chris and give you the wrong information,” PJ said. _Close?_ PJ had no idea how _close_ they were. It frustrated him that PJ wouldn’t tell him. “Maybe you should ask him yourself?”

They pulled into the parking spot in front of the Alley. Sure enough, with a giant pizza box in his hands, Chris stood by the entrance. He got really excited when they walked up and his grin was blinding.

“Hey folks!” he greeted them.

“Ew. Now’s not the time for your American accent, Chris,” PJ joked, patting the other boy on the back in an attempt to say hello. “Dan, you’ve met Chris.”

“Yeah, hello,” he nodded in the other boy’s direction and they all shuffled inside the building.

Setting up a lane and getting shoes wasn’t difficult, it just took longer than Dan thought it would. The boys finally settled into lane eleven and they opened the box of pizza. Each taking a slice, they sat down and decided to eat before they started their game.

“So I got this email today,” Chris started.

“What did it say?” PJ asked, looking at Chris with intrigue.

“Well you know how the second floor of our building is just double rooms?” Chris asked them. They both nodded. As a freshman, he was automatically placed in a double room. He was just lucky that the other guy moved out. “And you know how my roommate never showed up on the first day?”

Dan did not know this information, but it seemed self explanatory so he nodded.

“Didn’t your roommate move out at the beginning of the year?” PJ turned to Dan. “Money problems or something?”

“Yeah. I pretty much have a single now,” Dan responded.

“Ooh, Mate, you should check your email,” Chris shook his head. “Apparently there are these french foreign exchange students that are coming to Manchester Uni for their abroad program. The email said they were going to place them in the rooms that have empty beds.”

“What?” Dan was shocked. “They can’t do that...Can they do that?”

“That’s what the email said,” Chris put his hands in the air like he was signaling he had nothing to do with the news.

“Well what are you going to do?” PJ asked.

“I don’t know,” Chris looked annoyed more than anything else. Dan was just shocked. “I guess having some random roommate for a couple months won’t be too bad. I don’t know. I just hope they aren’t weird.”

“Yikes. That sucks,” PJ shook his head. He had a single room, being a sophomore and all came with certain perks.

Dan was not only shocked by this information, he was terrified. He didn’t like new people. Especially after living alone for so long, throwing in another person seemed like a nightmare. He silently thought about whether he could somehow get a doctors note that said _Does Not Play Well With Others._ He sighed at the impossibility of his own thought and refocused on the conversation. He didn’t want a repeat of what happened at lunch. The subject had shifted to school and they talked about that for a while. Dan listened and laughed with the others. They were very entertaining guys, he could admit it.

When they finally got to the bowling part of this excursion, it was clear who the best was. PJ won the first game and was in the lead during their second game. He was really good. Had Dan known this, he maybe would have suggested they did something other than bowling. But in the end it didn’t really matter who won, he was enjoying himself nonetheless. He tried to shove his anxiety about the rooming situation into the back of his mind and he found that when he wasn’t thinking too hard and he was letting himself relax, it wasn’t so terrible. He thanked the universe for PJ and Chris not being too aggressively extroverted.

However, his mindset changed when PJ’s victory round began. PJ won _both_ games and Chris challenged him to a “Victory Round”. He wanted PJ to play a solo game and see how many strikes he could land. PJ was all about this and he took the challenge with a clenched fist. Dan figured it would be really fun to watch and while he was sitting alone with Chris, he could ask him what his issue with Phil was. It was the prefect plan, he thought as he started the conversation lightly, trying not to sound like he was prying.

“So you and PJ hang out a lot, huh?” he asked, trying to guide their conversation into the topic of friendship.

“Yeah. I guess we do,” Chris watched as his friend expertly threw the ball at the pins in lane eleven.

“How did you guys meet?”

“PJ sat in front of me in Econ. That idiot didn’t get it so he asked me for help,” Chris joked. The way he called PJ an idiot reminded him of the way Phil teased him sometimes. He fought the feeling of sadness he suddenly got when he thought of his boyfriend. As fun as this was, he wished Phil could have tagged along. “In exchange for help, I got to throw spitballs into the back of his head.”

Dan laughed at the image of PJ picking spitballs out if his hair after class.

“I’m sure he enjoyed that.”

“You bet he did!” Chris turned to Dan. “How’s _whats-his-face_?”

“Phil?”

“Yeah. _Phil_ ,” he said Phil’s name with a little bit of a snarl. Yikes. This went deeper than he thought.

“He’s good. I don’t throw spitballs at him though. I doubt he would enjoy that,” Dan joked trying to mimic Chris’ tone. Dan chuckled but Chris did not. He just narrowed his eyes and cleared his throat.

“He’d let you spit _on_ his balls...” Chris muttered, just loud enough for Dan to hear. “He might enjoy _that._ ”

Dan had to fight every muscle in his body not to make a horrified face at the other boy. He took a silent breath and bit his lip.

“What do you mean?” Dan asked. He knew exactly what Chris meant, but he wanted to know why Chris felt this way so playing it cool was his only option.

“Oh nothing. Phil’s just...” he watched PJ throw the next bowling ball at the pins, hitting each one without flaw.

“Just what?” Dan was growing impatient. If Chris was going to insult his boyfriend, he wanted to know why.

“He’s just _weird_. I don’t know,” Chris shook his head. “You have to be careful with people like him.”

“What do you mean?” Dan could feel his face getting hot. “What did he do?”

“He likes _dudes_. Just be careful. He might try something, ya know?” Chris said these things so casually. Dan clenched his fists tight at his sides and ground a few of his teeth. He told himself it wasn’t worth the fight. He had been having such a good time before this little conversation. PJ looked like he was enjoying himself and Dan didn’t want to ruin it by getting into an argument right there in lane eleven. But he did want to know why Chris thought like this. Why Chris was so against the idea of being gay and liking guys.

“Why do you think if someone is gay that they are automatically a predator?” Dan asked sternly. Chris looked at him with squinted eyes. He looked confused and shifted his body into a more defensive position. “What did Phil do to _you_?”

“Mate, I’m just trying to warn you, that’s all,” he threw his hands up and shook his head. “I know you’re close with him, just don’t do anything stupid.”

And by “stupid” did Chris mean _kissing_ Phil? Or _dating_ Phil? He bit his tongue and held in the response he wanted to let loose. He was incredibly insulted by Chris’ words. Not just for Phil’s sake, but for his own. Chris was the exact reason why he didn’t feel comfortable enough to come out yet. He just wasn’t ready for that kind of judgment.

Chris had clearly grown bored by the conversation they were having and he went to grab another slice of pizza. He wandered over to PJ and watched him make the last couple shots by his side. Dan used the time alone to cool his fired up skin. His heart was beating loudly in his chest and now he just wanted to go home. Luckily PJ had just finished his victory round, beating his own record for how many strikes he could manage and he declared that it was time to bounce. Dan was grateful that Chris took a separate car than PJ and to be polite, he shook Chris’ hand as they said goodbye, telling him it was “a pleasure to see him again”.

Dan tried his hardest to let it go for the ride home. He chatted with PJ about how good he was at bowling and asked him where he acquired the skill in the first place, but PJ sensed that something was up. When the conversation slowed, Dan didn’t even have to bring it up, PJ did.

“You talked to Chris about Phil, didn’t you?” he guessed, Dan surprised at PJ’s ability to read him that well. Or maybe he was just being obvious.

“Yeah...”

“Goddamnit Chris,” he muttered, as if Chris were in the backseat. “He’s a good guy but God is he close-minded.”

Dan was quiet. At least PJ knew about this.

“I’m sorry Dan. I know you’re close with Phil. I’ve been trying to tell Chris that he needs to consider other people when he talks. Sometimes he just doesn’t get it,” PJ sighed. He sounded deeply disappointed in his friend and this made Dan feel a little bit better. “I hope it didn’t ruin your night.”

“No, I had fun,” Dan wasn’t lying. Until the incident with Chris he had been enjoying himself. He smiled over at PJ as they reached their parking lot. “I really did have a good time, Peej. Thanks for inviting me.”

“No problem, Mate,” PJ nodded as they got out of his car. “Sorry you suck at bowling.”

“No, _I’m_ sorry!” Dan laughed. “If only I knew you were that good, I would have trained harder!”

They walked into the building. They parted ways and Dan went to his empty room. When he walked in, he was suddenly reminded of the email Chris spoke about. He immediately went to his computer to take a look. Sure enough, his inbox was flashing red with a notification.

 

 _Hello Students,_  
University of Manchester is pleased to announce the welcoming of the international students from the French exchange program. This is an annual event in which our university extends it’s arms to allow for international education and opportunity.  
However with opportunity comes cost and students here at Manchester University will be asked to pull their weight. Students with extra beds (such as members on the second floor of the Whitworth Park) will be asked to share their temporary housing with an exchange student for the second final term.  
The University hopes this is not only a learning experience for our guests, but also an opportunity for our own students to learn and experience a culture other than our own.  
Stay tuned for your new roommate’s information and thank you for helping us welcome these students to our campus!  
Dean Rothwell

 

Dan stared at the email in shock. He had no idea what to think or how to process this information. At this point, he just wanted to crawl into bed, which is exactly what he did. He slammed his laptop shut, maybe a little too hard, and then flopped over onto his bed. He stripped quickly and climbed into his sheets. He hoped that wrapping himself into a cocoon would make him feel slightly better. He looked across the room at the empty bed and tried to visualize another person lying in it. It only made him more upset and he turned out the light, rotating himself to face the wall on his right. He closed his eyes and sighed, forcing himself to blackout so the next day would come sooner. _  
_


	19. Chapter 19

Dan’s head hadn’t left the table for minutes now because he didn’t want to look at the way Phil was staring at him in disbelief.

“He _said_ that?”

Dan nodded against the grain of the table and groaned. He couldn’t tell if Phil’s tone was more shocked or offended.

“I can’t believe that,” Dan could hear him put his sandwich back on his plate. “He actually said those things out loud? About me?”

It suddenly occurred to Dan the bigger issue here. Not only was Chris exhibiting extremely homophobic behavior, he had said these things while simultaneously accusing Phil of being a predator. The thought alone made Dan’s stomach turn in a knot. He didn’t speak. He had nothing to say.

“I just don’t understand what I _did_. I’m not usually one to care what people think about me...” he sighed. “But I have to wonder, did I do something wrong? Something I’m just not aware of?”

“No Phil!” This was what brought Dan’s head back up. His cheeks were red and his eyes were squinty. “They’re just idiots who don’t understand what good people look like.”

Phil’s smile made Dan feel better. As long as Phil wasn’t upset, he didn’t have to be.

“Don’t let them get to you,” Dan said, feeling slightly guilty about bringing it up in the first place. He didn’t realize this was more personal than just insulting an entire sexuality. This was actual bullying, towards Phil himself. “Why don’t we change the subject?”

“To what?” Phil placed his chin in his hand and leaned on it. He did this often when he was looking at Dan.

“Well, I got an email from the school yesterday,” Dan started. This had been on his mind as much as what Chris said had been. It was gnawing at the back of his brainstem with no clear solution since he had woken up that morning. His classes had been impossible.

“An email? What kind? Do they want to recruit you to be a secret spy for another college?” Phil joked. Thank goodness Phil made bad situations better without even trying.

“Quite the opposite. They’re sending a spy here,” Dan sighed and Phil tilted his head as much as his hand would allow.

“How do you mean?”

“Well, those of us with extra beds in our accommodation rooms are supposed to share them with a foreign exchange student for the last term. Some french guy is gonna be cohabiting with me...” Dan explained, his shoulders fell and he played with the edge of the table as he spoke. Phil nodded and pressed his lips together.

“Oh I remember this. It’s an annual thing, isn’t it?”

“I guess so. How am I supposed to know? I haven’t even been here for a year,” Dan muttered. “Did they do this to you?”

“No.”

Dan groaned.

“But! That’s because I had a roommate freshman year,” he added. “There wasn’t an empty bed for them to fill.”

“Who was your roommate?” Dan asked, as if he would know the guy.

“A guy from America named Tyler. Tyler Oakley. He still goes here. He’s graduating this year though. I don’t see him often, but he throws a good party,” Phil smiled, his face reacting to a memory that Dan couldn’t see. “In fact he would _love_ you.”

“How come?” Dan cocked his head.

“You’re fresh meat. He looooves fresh meat,” Phil laughed to himself. Dan did not like the term _fresh meat_.

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Gay. But freshly gay,” Phil said bluntly. Dan’s cheeks reddened and he looked around frantically.

“Hey! We talked about this!” Dan lowered his voice, his whisper sounding desperate. “And I’m not.... _gay.”_

The last word that left his mouth was barely audible. Phil’s smirk was loud and clear however.

“Sure Dan,” Phil winked and took a breath. “Anyway, he loves people he can influence. He’s probably the most...”

He lowered his voice in a sarcastic manner, leaning in and humoring his panic ridden boyfriend.

“... _gay_...person I’ve ever met.”

Dan was grateful that Phil followed his stupid little rules. His trust in Phil had only increased since they first started dating. Phil took such good care of him and he couldn’t imagine going through a change like this with anyone else. Phil was extremely tolerant, more than most people Dan had come across in his lifetime. Dan tried to form a mental picture of Tyler but all he could think of was some guy in a cowboy hat. Unable to think of any examples to compare him to, he looked at Phil and shook his head.

“Maybe I can meet him someday,” he offered Phil a smile and Phil returned the look with a raised eyebrow.

“You wanna meet him?”

“Yeah?” Dan said with a slight hesitation. “Why wouldn’t I?”

“Well...” Phil half huffed. His tone was light though and Dan knew that whatever he was about to say was to be taken as such. “The last time you met one of my gay friends, you had a fit of jealousy.”

Dan swatted at the older boy’s arm.

“That was different and you know it!” he squeaked. Phil was right, but that was before he figured out what he wanted. He had no idea why he had such a negative reaction to Troye when it happened. Now that he knew the reason behind it, he felt foolish for not recognizing it sooner. “As long as you don’t have some sort of deep rooted romantic history, I’ll be fine.”

“Well...” Phil drew out his word, infusing it with laughter.

“Phil!?”

“I’m joking, I’m _joking_. Relax, Dan. We were just roommates,” Phil smiled, touching his elbow to Dan’s. It may not have seemed like much, but it calmed the younger boy’s nerves just a tad. “We got along well enough but you’re still lucky you got a single room as a freshman.”

“Not for long...” Dan sighed again, remembering why they were on the subject in the first place. Phil started to munch away at his sandwich again and Dan allowed his thoughts to wander. He thought about another person moving into his room and how it would not only affect his personal lifestyle and privacy, it would also affect his relationship with Phil. They spent so much time in Dan’s room as it was. Dan had the TV with the game system. How would they do their late night Mario Kart tournaments without the use of Dan’s single bedroom? Dan supposed that they could switch their hideout to Phil’s room but the older boy’s room was much smaller. Those who got a single didn’t get the extra room and sometimes it got a little cramped. Dan thought about how he might just be a brat, pouting because he’s getting a luxury -that he wasn’t even supposed to have- taken away from him. He stopped his train of thought there and refocused on the boy in front of him that was now licking his fingers and chewing a piece of lettuce that was half hanging out of his mouth.

“You look like a giraffe,” he mentioned and Phil paused. He stared at Dan and then made a squawking noise as he finished chewing his green leaf. “Giraffe’s don’t make noises! How many times have we been over this?”

“They do! They go-” Phil finished his sentence with two more horrifying squawk sounds. Dan covered his ears and flinched.

Eventually they wrapped up their meal and decided to go back to Dan’s room. They stepped into the room and Phil immediately walked over to the empty side.

“To think there will be another human here in a couple weeks,” he said pensively. “I mean, you keep worrying that they’ll be horrible, but what if they are super nice! That could happen.”

“Phil, I don’t like interacting with other humans,” Dan said with a pathetic undertone. “I only like a few people in general. Strangers are not high on that list.”

“I was a stranger.”

“Yeah, well you forced yourself upon me,” Dan argued, crossing his arms and hopping up onto his own bed. He stretched himself out and smirked. “If I remember correctly, _you_ were the one who came up to _me_ in the first place.”

Phil stopped messing with the mattress on the empty bed and turned around. His eyes had narrowed and he slowly started walking towards Dan.

“If _I’m_ remembering correctly, you were the one that was about to fail a Law Exam. I believe you _needed_ me,” his smirk was smoldering and even though they were playfully arguing, there was something about the way the other boy was looking at him that made his stomach drop.

“I didn’t _need_ you,” Dan challenged.

“Oh yeah?” Phil was now standing right next to the bed that Dan had comfortably claimed as his own. “How about now? Do you need me _now_?”

Dan looked up at the raven haired boy and was suddenly very conscious of the gravitational pull he was feeling in his gut towards the man standing before him. Dan gulped and held his breath in hopes to slow his now racing heartbeat. He shook his head.

“Oh,” Phil’s smirk was gone before Dan could open his eyes from a blink. Phil’s expression turned complacent and he stepped away, not without stroking Dan’s arm with a light touch of his middle finger. Dan winced. “Maybe I am remembering it incorrectly then.”

Dan would have been annoyed with what Phil had just done to him, but his body clearly disagreed with that emotion. His body was getting hot and there was nothing he wanted more than the other boy’s body on top of his own, just like the night below the stars. Just like the night he felt closer than he had ever felt with another person who now seemed so far away.

Another moment of silence passed and Phil had just crossed his arms and was now looking around the room and humming. Dan had lost this little game that he wasn’t aware he had been playing until it was too late. Now his body begged him to raise the white flag and admit that he was wrong. He tried one last time to ignore the urge but it wasn’t possible. Not now.

“Okay, okay,” he swallowed the bitter tone that Phil surely wouldn’t appreciate. “I _needed_ you.”

“And?” Phil’s face looked smug and Dan glared at him.

“And...I wouldn’t have passed the exam without you,” Dan admitted.

“And?”

“And...” Dan hesitated. He wasn’t sure what else Phil wanted him to say. He furrowed his eyebrows and when Phil looked back at him, the smirk was painted on his face once again.

“And do you need me now, Dan?” his voice had dropped an octave and he was now drilling a hole in Dan’s head with his eyes. Dan swore his heart stopped.

“Yes. I need you now,” he said, frozen where he was lying, waiting for his reward from Phil who was just staring at the boy who had grown so desperate.

Finally, Phil’s little victory paid off. The older boy bit his lip for a second, looking over Dan’s form and appearing to come up with a plan of attack, then he lunged for the younger boy. He collected his lips up in the process and lied carefully next to Dan. There they remained for a short while, kissing each other hungrily.

 

-

 

Eventually the day had come to an end and Dan looked to his side to see Phil curled into his shoulder, deep in a nap. Dan had to write a paper and Phil, promising to keep him company, chose to stuck around. Phil apparently hadn’t slept very well the night before and he had fallen asleep on Dan’s shoulder almost the moment Dan started clicking away at his essay.

Dan didn’t mind though. When Phil was awake he was much more likely to get distracted anyway. Phil was good company but every now and then he would distract Dan with another fun fact or a silly pun. It was part of the reason Dan liked to have him around, but also part of the reason he got no work done. Phil’s nap allowed Dan to be in the presence of another human without having to put in the effort. This was his perfect scenario. Phil was pretty cute when he slept as well. Dan had figured this out pretty quickly when he turned to look at the boy who was snoring lightly on his shoulder with a slight sleepy smirk.

He thought about this for a moment and couldn’t help but smile. Dan never wanted Phil to say goodnight and leave him in his empty room once again. He always hated that part. The part of the night when they were both exhausted and ready to go to sleep, yet unable to fall asleep in each other’s presence. Yeah, Phil could sleep over, but it wasn’t convenient because they both had separate schedules and Phil’s room wasn’t _that_ far away. Dan had got so used to being with Phil during all of his free time that it had become unnatural to say goodbye.

He sighed slowly so that he wouldn’t disturb Phil while he watched him sleep a little longer. His essay was done which meant that as soon as he woke the boy beside him, it was goodnight and goodbye. He studied the way Phil’s mouth fell slightly open when he slept, the way his eyes fluttered a little while he was so obviously dreaming and he admired the slight twitching of Phil’s nose when he breathed his long breaths in. If only he could watch Phil sleep like this every night.

It was then that something occurred to him. Something that made a lot of sense. His breathing slowed and he turned away from Phil for a moment to process his thought fully and after a few of those moments and a slight debate in his own head, he decided he was going to wake Phil.

Nervously he reached down and pet the black hair that sat upon Phil’s cranium. He tousled it a little and bit his lip as he nudged the other boy awake with his elbow. The only thing that Dan considered cuter than a sleeping Phil, was a waking up Phil. His right eye would always open first, checking out the light situation in the room, then blinking both eyes and rubbing his nose a little he would gently sit up and take in the outside world. Dan felt guilty for ripping him from his dreamland. Usually he would just wait until Phil stirred to wake him.

“Just five more minutes...” Phil mumbled this time, trying to curl further into Dan’s side.

“Phiiil,” Dan whined a little.

“Please?” Phil asked in the smallest of voices. One that Dan had a hard enough time turning down regularly. He thought about it for a moment but he couldn’t let this thought sit in his mind any longer. Right now, this was important.

“No, Phil. I need to ask you something,” he shook the other boy a little harder and he heard him mumble some inaudible language into the crevice of his arm. But Phil wasn’t going to fight Dan about this right now and Dan was relieved when Phil’s head popped up from his head hole. His eyes were still a little droopy and he was yawning to rid himself of the leftover sleep.

“Okay, okay. I’m up,” he muttered, rubbing his left eye with the back of his hand. His eyes roamed the room. “What time is it anyway...?”

“Phil?” Dan was counting to ten in his head in an attempt to calm himself down. Phil seemed to notice how panicked Dan looked behind the eyes and an expression of worry flashed across his face.

“You okay Dan?”

6...7...8...9...

“Dan?”

“Phil, do you want to move in with me?” His words were spoken at record speed.

The surprise on Phil’s face only lasted one moment before his mouth turned up into a smile. He could probably see Dan’s heartbeat in his jugular, everything else on his body had stopped moving altogether.

Dan hadn’t thought about the way he would explain himself but he just decided to go for it. The idea was out there now, no taking it back.

“I uh...you know the French students...” he took a deep breath and let it all out at once as he exhaled. “I just really don’t want a random roommate and I thought that since we hang out all the time anyway that maybe you would want to move into this room with me...but maybe you don’t and that’s okay too cause we’re dating and you have your own room and everything but I just figured that it would make it easier if we just-”

He ran out of breath. His large brown eyes just stared at the older boy, horrified by his own word vomit. He could see the blue eyes staring back at him with intrigue and he could tell that Phil was obviously humored. Dan did feel better after letting the question go and it felt good to take a risk. If only Phil would answer him and not let the silence consume them and the room.

“I mean it’s totally cool is you don’t feel comfortable, I don’t wanna make you do something that you don’t-”

“Dan?”

“-wanna do. I obviously care about your opinion and I really won’t be offended if you say you don’t-”

“Dan.”

“-want to. We can also forget I even asked if thats what you want to do as well, in fact that kinda sounds like a good id-”

“Dan!” Phil raised his voice over Dan’s so he would shut up. Dan finally let his eyes move back from his lap to Phil’s face. The expression of uncomfortableness that he expected to be sitting on his boyfriend’s face wasn’t there. Instead, his face looked almost red, flushed with color and a smile. Dan just stared at him, bringing a hand up to fix his fringe that had fallen in his eyes. “Of course I want to move in with you!”

Those were the words Dan wanted to hear. Those were the words that brought the regular beating back to his heart.

“Are we even allowed to do that?” he jumped straight into the logistics of it all which made Dan feel even better. “We’d just have to talk to the RA’s I guess. That doesn’t seem so hard...”

“Really?” Dan was left a couple seconds behind, lagging on Phil’s agreement.

“Yes,” Phil reassured, now noticing the fact that Dan was a few moments behind him.

“You don’t mind giving up your single room?” Dan wanted to make sure Phil wasn’t going to regret this option. “You’re a junior so you have every right to it...”

“Yeah but then you’d get a random roommate. If you get a random roommate, I have to deal with him too. So I’d rather just move in to save the trouble,” Phil made sure Dan understood him by grabbing his hands and rubbing his thumbs over the back of Dan’s. “Are you sure _you_ can handle this, Dan?”

Dan understood the concern. Dan had not displayed a good sense of strength when it came to things like change and moving too quickly. It was fair for Phil to assume that this step would freak him out. But for some reason, the more Dan pondered what Phil asked, the more he realized how much he wanted it. There wasn’t a single part of his brain that told him it was a bad idea. It was all systems go and that scared Dan more than anything else going on in his head.

“I’m sure,” Dan stated. Phil smiled and nodded again making sure Dan was looking him in the eyes before he leaned forward and kissed the younger boy.

“Okay then. I’ll move in with you,” Phil confirmed. Dan’s smile offered Phil a glimpse of his dimple. “On one condition.”

Dan gulped.

“You can’t get freaked out when people start saying things,” Phil’s voice transitioned into a serious tone as he spoke. Dan had the impression that what Phil was saying was very important. “Cause you know they’re gonna start saying things.”

Phil’s voice shifted once more to a voice that sounded saddened. Dan wasn’t sure for a moment what Phil was talking about but then his mind went to Chris and the people at the party way back when. People already thought pretty poorly of Phil, if they moved in together, Dan would be roped into the gossip. This didn’t occur to him when he was thinking over the pros and cons, but when he added it to the cons list, the pros still won by a landslide. Plus, if he was escaping his roommate every day and hiding in Phil’s room, people would talk anyway. Probably worse even. He shook his head and held out a pinkie from his slightly shaky hand, still getting over the initial surge of courage. Phil chuckled loudly and linked his pinkie into Dan’s.

“I won’t get freaked out,” he promised.

“Tell me you swear.”

“I swear.”

“Okay roomie!” Phil immediately shifted to his playful demeanor after getting the serious stuff out of the way. He pushed Dan over and nuzzled into his neck which made Dan’s body shiver. “I’ll go speak to the Accommodation Administration tomorrow then.”

“Okay,” Dan smiled sheepishly. He was just happy that it all went smoothly. He couldn’t even imagine what he would do if Phil had turned him down. At least now he didn’t have to worry about a random French student. In a couple of days he would just be living in the the same room as his boyfriend. No big deal.

 

-

 

“So if you just hand me your old key I can give you this new one...” the receptionist pushed up her glasses and took the little silver object from Phil. Dan stood next to the taller boy, bouncing from one leg to the other impatiently awaiting the moment when he officially lived with Phil. “And just sign here and you’re done.”

“Alright, Ace,” Phil let his northern expression slip due to the excitement Dan knew that he was combating. Phil had told him on the night Dan brought up the concept that he was over giddy with excitement. Now that literally everything Phil owned was sitting in his room within a series of boxes, it had suddenly become so real. The process had taken longer than they thought. Phil had gone to the AA office the day after they had the conversation to arrange the room change but the steps required to switch rooms were more extensive than he initially bargained for. About a week later, here they were, standing at the desk and waiting for Phil to receive his key.

“Aaand we’re all finished,” the lady reached out and grabbed the form from Phil, trading him the form for the key. He took it and she smiled at the two of them. “Have a good rest of your semester gentlemen.”

“Finally,” Phil muttered as they rounded the corner of the hallway, a safe distance from the desk and lady at it. He smiled and lightly brushed his arm against Dan’s as they walked back to _their_ room. “Why was that so difficult?”

“I don’t know, but I’m glad we sorted it out,” Dan responded as he walked up the stairs to his hallway. When they got to the door, Dan stepped aside and nodded at Phil. “Go ahead. Use your key then.”

Phil had already attached the little silver key to the lanyard that Dan had bought him and Dan blushed when he saw it leave Phil’s pocket. Secretly it made him really happy that Phil actually used it and that it wasn’t just sitting on a shelf somewhere.

The lock clicked and Phil pushed in, opening the door up for them to enter. Dan carefully stepped over the boxes of stuff across his floor. With everything in boxes, Dan realized how little Phil actually owned. He had one box for clothes, one for trinkets and another for school stuff. Add in his bedsheets and shower supplies and that was pretty much it. The door shut behind them and Dan wandered over to his bed. He jumped up on it and watched as Phil walked over to the other bed.

“Are you not gonna help me make this?” he picked up the fitted sheet and then glanced at Dan.

“Oh come on, Phil. You can do it,” Dan encouraged him, not wanting to move from his spot. He was tired and not really in the mood to make beds and organize. “I think I might take a nap.”

“Really?” Phil laughed and rolled his eyes. Dan lied down and yawned against his mattress. He brought the covers up and over his body and closed his eyes, smacking his lips a little.

“Yeah. It’s been a long day,” Dan sighed. He wasn’t lying. He had to get up specifically early to go take a quiz and then he had a full day of classes. It was barely mid afternoon and his body was hitting it’s limit.

“I hate you,” Phil flopped over on the bed as he attempted to make it by himself.

“No you don’t,” Dan mumbled back, swatting lightly at the air above his head.

“I don’t,” Phil corrected himself with defeat and he turned to look at the tuckered out boy. Dan could feel his eyes on him and he soon heard footsteps headed in his direction. He didn’t open his eyes though, he already committed to shutting them tight. Then he felt Phil’s warm lips on his cheek and Dan responded with a slight smile. He loved the way that his boyfriend’s lips felt on his skin. Even though it was just on the cheek, he felt the tingle all over. 

Feeling Phil’s lips caress his cheek was the last thing he remembered before he passed out on his own comfortable bed. He didn’t expect to wake up until later that night, leaving Phil to unpack his things while Dan took a much needed nap.

 

-

 

Dan awoke to the sound of not one person’s voice, but two. He blinked a few times and tried to wipe the crusts from the corners of his eyes. He could hear Phil talking but not to him. When he finally found the energy to lift his head, he saw the yellow hair and the baby blue top. It was Louise.

They both seemed to notice his movement at the same time, their heads turning into the direction of his limp body.

“Look who’s awake!” Louise squealed and trotted over to him. His eyes were still blinking open and his face must have been red on the spot he was lying on. She didn’t seem to mind though and her laughter consumed him as she went in for an awkward hug. He swallowed the sleepy taste in his throat and sat up when she finally let go. He looked over at Phil who was wearing a little smug grin. He clearly didn’t feel guilty at all about him being forced awake by the giddy girl.

After seeing Phil’s expression, the second thing that he noticed was that the other side of the room has been entirely sorted. Phil had used the time that Dan was napping to his advantage and he had unpacked all of his belongings. Dan fought the smile that was creeping onto his face. Phil had put his blue and green duvet on the bed with his stuffed animals placed neatly on top, his laptop and camera were assembled on his desk and his clothes were neatly hanging in the closet. Dan assumed that the rest of the items that were in the no longer existing boxes had been sorted and put where they belonged. Whether that was in the bathroom, in drawers or under his bed, Phil’s side looked spotless and much like it did in his old room. There was something comforting about that thought but Dan wasn’t quite sure why. It felt like Phil belonged there. It was nice to see all of Phil’s belongings displayed on the side that was previously an empty void. Louise saw the smile he was desperately trying to hide and reacted so that Dan didn’t have to speak.

“Oh I know right? Isn’t his side just _fabulous_?” she seemed to swoon when she walked back over to Phil and placed a hand on the older boy’s shoulder. “It looks so much better in here now that theres some color!”

Dan knew that Louise hated his grey and black sheets. He wasn’t usually one for flashy objects and colorful duvets. Her bedroom was themed and covered in doilies but he just never found the time for interior decoration. However, she made a good point. The room looked less sad than it had before. The splash of color from Phil’s side was definitely making the room look much more habitable. He nodded at her and attempted to fix his hair as he glanced at Phil and then back at Louise.

“When did you...?” Dan asked, politely trying to find the words for _Why are you here?_ He silently thanked the universe that his voice was warmed up enough not to crack.

“She came looking for you. Apparently you didn’t mention that I was moving in?” Phil crossed his arms and gave Dan a smile that indicated why he hadn’t turned Louise away when she came knocking. Dan nervously chuckled then turned to Louise who was promptly tapping her foot on the ground. Whoops.

“Normally, Howell, I would be mad. But I’ve got nothing to do tonight and I figured you could make it up to me by hosting a little three person housewarming party,” she smiled at him. Dan bit his lip and looked over at the other boy for reassurance. This wasn’t a good move though because Louise noticed the apprehension in his eyes. “Oh, Philly has already agreed to pick a movie. Plus, he said you guys have popcorn!”

Phil nodded and bit his tongue a little in an effort to hold in his chuckle. Dan could see it and he rolled his eyes back over to Louise.

“Okay. What movie then?” Dan asked as he yawned the tired from his system. He glanced at the time and realized that he had only napped for two hours. It was barely six o clock. This fact woke his body up a little bit more and he slid out of his bed to go use the bathroom.

They all settled on the floor in front of the TV with a big bowl of popcorn between them and prepared for the movie of Phil’s choice. The lights were out so they could see the screen better and the volume was raised pretty high. Dan was placed in the middle of the two upon Louise’s insistence - something about the couple being able to hold hands. Phil had chosen the original Charlie and the Chocolate Factory movie which Dan was grateful for. Phil had a thing for scary movies and he wasn’t up for a repeat of The Ring.

During the previews and after Phil sat down next to Dan on the floor, he scooched over slightly so their sides were touching. Dan smiled naturally as he grabbed the other boy’s hand. He knew that Louise was watching every movement they made but he didn’t care. She was the one person they could be like this around and it was nice to know that there really wasn’t any judgment. Louise was their number one fan girl.

“I can’t believe you guys moved in together. I mean, I understand the reasoning, a random roommate kind of sucks, but I’m just shocked that Danny here is cool with it,” Louise spouted. “You know how much he likes his privacy.”

“Hey!” Dan tried to protest but if he was being honest, he was kind of shocked too. This was a big step for him. Allowing another human being into his space wasn’t something he did on the regular. There was a part of him that was still freaking out about it, but something in his brain told him to relax. It was probably the part of his brain that kept him from running away from his relationship in the first place.

“I’m _proud_ of you Darling!” Louise patted his back. “I mean, come on, you and Philly haven’t even seen each other’s willies!”

Dan’s face went red.

“Louise!” Dan turned to her with an expression of pure horror. All he could hear was Phil’s snickering in the background. He turned to his boyfriend with the same face and then back to Louise. “You can’t say that!”

“I’m sorry, Dear. It’s just that they normally tell you not to move in with someone you just started dating. And to think that you, little Daniel Howell, have moved in with someone you only met a little over a month ago.” Louise was speaking in the middle of her laughter. She and Phil were both amused and Dan sighed, putting his head in his hands. Even he couldn’t believe how much he had changed in the past few weeks. “Not to mention, you’re dating a _boy_.”

Even he snickered a little after that. Who would have thought that he, Dan Howell, would be dating and living with a boy before the end of freshman year. Phil was actually holding his chest as he was trying to stop laughing. Luckily the movie hadn’t started yet because nobody could hear a thing. Dan could feel Phil’s hand squeezing on his own to make sure that he was doing okay. As much as those two liked to pick on Dan, Phil was always good about making sure it wasn’t crossing over into territory that Dan wasn’t comfortable with.

The laughing fit dissipated and just in time for the movie to start. Images of chocolate started to fill the TV screen and the music began. Louise got comfortable and used a blanket that Phil had offered her to wrap herself in a warm cocoon. Dan stayed where he was and kept his eyes on the screen while Phil started to readjust himself. When Phil let go of his hand, Dan almost whimpered out of disappointment but he was pleasantly surprised when the older boy moved behind him and placed one leg on either side of the younger boy. Dan held his breath as Phil wrapped his arms around him and pulled him back to lean against his chest. Dan felt like he was wearing a blanket but that blanket was Phil’s warm embrace. He hummed a little in a satisfactory tone and then noticed that Louise wasn’t even watching the film, her eyes fluttering in approval of Phil’s little maneuver. Dan rolled his eyes at her and swatted a hand at her glance to signal that she needed to get a life. He smiled though and he sighed into the embrace, leaning back as far as he could into Phil. Yeah, maybe his boyfriend was being super cute on purpose to flaunt their relationship to Louise - most likely because he couldn’t flaunt it to anyone else in their lives - but Dan wasn’t complaining. He was comfortable. This was the next best thing to a nap in his eyes.

They did actually watch the movie, enjoying the nostalgia that the film brought them. The new movie just wasn’t as good and Louise made sure to point this out during different parts of the film.

“He’s just a much better Willy Wonka,” she spoke about Gene Wilder. “I mean, I love Johnny Depp and all but...”

Dan was able to focus on a majority of the film however he was slightly distracted by Phil’s breathing and his hands that were clasped right around his tummy. Every now and then Phil would readjust his fingers and his thumb would swipe gently across his stomach, right below the belly button. Dan couldn’t help but shiver a bit. Nobody had ever touched him below the belly button at all so the sensation was new. Although it wasn’t an erotic feeling, it was definitely intimate.

Their intimacy was ruined about two thirds into the movie. There was a tiny knock at the door that they almost didn’t hear. Luckily Dan picked up the little sound and turned towards the door.

“I can get it,” Phil let go of Dan and started to rise.

“No it’s fine, you guys keep watching. I’ll grab it,” Dan shot up faster than Phil could and the older boy didn’t argue. Both Phil and Louise returned their gaze to the TV and Dan shuffled over to the door and opened it just a crack so only his head peeked out and nobody could see in.

Standing on the other side was the last person that he could have expected.

“Am I interrupting something? Could I talk to you for a moment?”

“Uh...” Dan briefly hesitated and looked into the room at his two companions for the night. “Yeah, uh, sure. Hold on.”

He shut the door and walked over to Phil.

“I’ll be right back, okay?” he actually leaned over and kissed Phil’s cheek. He wasn’t sure if it was because of the cuddly mood he was in or if he needed the little bit of PDA to get him though the conversation he was about to have. He felt like Phil could sense the anxiety in his voice because he looked at Dan with the raised eyebrows that he only used when he was concerned for the other boy. Dan ignored it and walked back over to the door, taking a deep breath and stepping into the hallway and leaning against the wall by his door. “Hi Chris.”

“Hi Dan. I’m sorry if I’m interrupting something I...” he seemed nervous for some reason.

“You’re okay. What’s up?” Dan crossed his arms. After what he said about Phil, Chris wasn’t exactly high on Dan’s friend list. He wasn’t thrilled to see the other boy but he wasn’t about to snub him either.

“I really did mean to come by sooner. I guess I’ve just been putting it off...” he started fidgeting with a thread on the inside of his sleeve. “I just wanted to come by and apologize.”

_Apologize_?

“I understand that some of the things I said about your mate may have been a little harsh. PJ was talking to me about how close you two were and I think I probably overstepped a line,” he was looking right at Dan now, probably able to see the shock and the relief in Dan’s eyes. “I’m sorry, Mate. I hope I didn’t ruin our night of bowling. I had fun.”

Dan didn’t say anything at all for a moment. For one, he was shocked that Chris had come to this conclusion. PJ’s help or not, the guy was owning it. For two, he came all the way to Dan and apologized without being prompted. Dan had to hand it to the other boy, that was pretty honorable.

After a few seconds, he could tell that Chris was growing more nervous. He had broken eye contact with the brown eyed boy and was now shuffling his feet. Dan decided that he should at least say something.

“Thank you,” Dan nodded at Chris. “That’s really nice of you.”

“I just wanted to make sure you knew that I was sorry. I don’t want to waste anymore of your time,” Chris stated this quietly and Dan had to admit, it was slightly gratifying to see the boy that had been so homophobic only a week ago, shrivel up with a little bit of shame. “Thank you for listening.”

“That’s okay,” Dan smiled at the boy before him. Chris half smiled back and shoved his hands in his pockets. Dan wasn’t sure what else to say to Chris but the other boy looked very uncomfortable so he figured that saying nothing else would give him a reason to walk away. Sure enough, that’s what he did.

“Have a nice night, Dan,” Chris waved and then he spun around on his heels and walked back down the hallway, most likely to the stairway and to PJ’s room on the third floor.

Dan just stood in the hallway for a moment with a furrowed brow. He reflected on the night he went bowling and all of the things Chris had said. Those words had been bouncing around in his head for a while. They had only contributed to his fear of coming out and now the boy who had said them had just told him that he didn’t mean them? He wasn’t sure how to interpret any of it so he just shook the thoughts from his head and slowly entered the room again.

Phil paused the movie right when the door opened and Dan stepped back in. His face was obviously twisted in thought and Phil had suspected something was up the moment Dan had kissed his cheek on the way out.That was just how observant Phil was and Dan appreciated that about him. It meant he rarely had to bring something up if it was bothering him.

“What was that all about?” he asked, Louise looking at him as well. Dan took a moment to regroup in his mind and then he opened his mouth.

“That was Chris..” he started. Phil’s look of concern kind of shifted to anger. Louise just looked to the floor. Dan was sure that PJ probably filled her in sometime during their lunches.

“What did he want?” Phil grumbled, clearly not thrilled with Chris pulling Dan from their afternoon.

“He apologized.”

“He _what_?” Phil and Louise both said in unison. Louise’s head shot up from where she was looking on the carpet.

“Chris? Apologized?” Louise was in shock.

“Yeah, I guess PJ spoke to him and he told me that he knew we were close...” Dan gestured to Phil. “...and he said sorry for saying what he said the other day.”

“No way. I don’t believe you!” Louise said, almost laughing in disbelief.

“I swear,” Dan said, sitting back on the ground in-between the two of them. “Then he just walked away.”

“Wow,” Phil raised his eyebrows and shook his head.

“I know,” Dan sighed and looked at Phil. “Crazy right?”

“You know you have PJ to thank for that,” Louise wagged her finger at Dan. “PJ probably laid it into him when they got home.”

“Good,” Phil added as he scooted behind Dan once again, resuming the position that they were in before he had answered the door. The corner of Dan’s mouth went up into a smile and he blushed when he felt the older boy’s slight kiss on the nape of his neck. All the while, Louise just stared at them with her doe eyes.

“When you guys get married, I better get to be a bridesmaid,” she bargained. Dan’s face went red but Phil just clutched Dan’s chest and pulled him back a little further into him.

“Of course, Louise,” Phil answered for Dan who was definitely too embarrassed to say anything at all. “We promise.”

“Good,” she nodded and gave them one more extended look. “But let’s be real, who needs a ceremony? You guys are pretty much already married. I mean...come on. You just moved in together!”

Dan blushed even more but Phil only held him tighter.

“Can we just finish the movie?” Dan muttered, flattered by Louise’s comments but he had reached his limit for the day. He just wanted to be in Phil’s arms and enjoy the movie. Phil nodded and pressed play once more, all three getting sucked in to the end of the film.

Their visit with Louise didn’t last much longer after the movie ended. Whether it was because they were sitting in a dark room with their eyes on a tiny screen or if they all just had really long days, they were all exhausted. Dan’s nap hadn’t helped at all, Phil had spent his energy redecorating and who knows what Louise did all day.

“Thank you for inviting me over guys,” Louise sang as they stood over by the door. Dan was about to protest and mention how there had been no inviting but Phil shook his head when Dan opened his mouth to say it. It was probably for the best that he didn’t bring that up. “Talk soon?”

“Thank you for coming,” Phil nodded his head at the girl before them. Phil had his arm loosely wrapped around Dan’s back, resting his hand on the younger boy’s hip. “And don’t worry. We will see you soon!”

“Bye Philly,” she hiked up on her tip toes and kissed the tall boy on the cheek, migrating over to Dan and doing the same. “Bye Danny.”

“Bye Louise,” he muttered, giving her an annoyed but loving look.

“Ta ta!” she said, waving her hand in the air and exiting the room, leaving the two boys standing there in silence. Just the lack of another person made the room so much quieter. Or maybe it was just Louise.

“I need to sleep,” Phil mumbled as he broke their contact and fell over on his bed. Dan yawned in agreement and he sighed.

“Bed time?” he asked, staring at Phil who was halfway sprawled on his own bed.

“Bed time.”

The two boys brushed their teeth and then walked over to their respective beds. In less than two seconds, Phil dropped his pants and discarded his shirt. Dan was left with his jaw dropped and his heart rate spiked. He didn’t think about how now that they lived together, Dan couldn’t stop Phil from sleeping in his underwear. He sure as hell wasn’t going to start wearing pajamas now. That was a sacrifice of comfort that he was not willing to make.

Phil had noticed the other boy staring and he was biting his lip while looking at Dan’s flushed face.

“Hey. Earth to Dan,” he said, waving a hand to get his attention. “You gonna be able to handle a little half nudity?”

“Huh? Oh uh...yeah. Sorry I just-” Dan looked to the floor and clenched his fists a little. This was going to take a little getting used to. He heard Phil’s footsteps getting closer to him.

“You know...” Phil’s hands landed on the hem of Dan’s t-shirt. “I can help you with that.”

“Y...yeah,” Dan stuttered and it took all of his will power not to let the physical reaction in his pants occur. He just took a deep breath and nodded. Phil bit his lip and pulled Dan’s shirt over his head.

“You gotta stop getting so flustered, Howell,” Phil threw Dan’s shirt onto the ground and ran his hands down Dan’s arm. “It’s not like I’m naked.”

Dan just watched as Phil laughed and bit his lip, staring into his brown eyes with a smoldering look.

“I think you can handle the rest,” Phil gestured to Dan’s pants and then went back to his side of the room. At least he was respecting Dan’s comfortability. He stood without so much as taking a breath as he watched Phil get into his own bed. “Mind turning out the light before you get into bed?”

“Y-yeah sure,” Dan mumbled, probably red from head to toe by now, reaching over to the light and switching it off. When it was totally dark, that’s when he dropped his pants and got into bed. Thank goodness it was dark because it was then that the blood decided to rush from his face to his now excited member. He cursed Phil in his head for doing that to him before they slept.

“Goodnight, Dan,” he could hear Phil’s smile on his lips. He knew what he had done.

“Goodnight, Phil,” Dan’s unsteady voice responded. “Sleep tight.”

“Oh I will.”


	20. Chapter 20

Rooming with Phil was wonderful. The nerves and the awkward moments went away and it became easier than ever to live with his boyfriend. It was everything that Dan had thought it might be and more. Not only did the amount of time they spent together increase, but having Phil around all the time did nothing but good to Dan’s mood. Phil was the upbeat person that Dan loved to come home to. Even Dan was disgusted by how much he looked forward to going home and doing homework or hanging out with Phil. They didn’t even have to talk. It was mostly just Phil’s presence that made Dan’s heart flutter. They did mostly everything together. Some days, Phil sensed that Dan needed some alone time and he would go to the library or make plans with someone else - rare, but occasional - and when Phil needed time to edit videos or be alone, Dan would wander over to Louise. He even tried doing lunches with her and PJ again, attempting to be a little more social. PJ took great liking to Phil and even though Dan was nervous to introduce Phil to Chris, it happened eventually, and the two actually got along. It was definitely awkward at first and they still weren’t the best of buddies, but Chris had proved himself to everyone and it was pleasant to actually have a group of friends to hang out with. It only rarely became a problem when Chris made some sort of remark in Phil’s direction or if he was being specifically argumentative. Overall thought, the four of them got along. Add Louise and the occasional appearance of Zoe, and they had a reasonable gang. Chris and PJ were constantly trying to out-friend the other pair. This was a plus for Dan and Phil however because whenever Chris and PJ were being extra cute as they proved how close they were, Dan and Phil got a chance to one-up them. Their rule was that if Chris and PJ could do it, so could they. That’s how they determined their PDA in public and it was a good rule of thumb. If the two straight best friends were able to do it, then the gay couple could get away with it without being detected.

When they weren’t hanging out with their friends or doing their homework, Dan and Phil would play video games or make runs to the diner. As easy as it was to sit quietly in a room with each other, it was nice to go out and do things on the rare occasion that they left their room. Dan was still very sensitive about coming out and Phil understood this so they never showed any real PDA. Every now and then when they were out, Dan would link a pinky with Phil’s or briefly rub Phil’s leg under a table to show that he really did care. Phil seemed happy with this, as long as he got to show his affection to Dan after their door was closed.

One Thursday night after both boys finished their homework, Phil was showing Dan a final edit for a video he had filmed the day before. Dan loved when he got to see Phil’s videos before they were put up. It was like he got to see a part of Phil’s creativity before the rest of the world got a glimpse. They were both sitting on Phil’s bed, the usual spot for these video viewings, and when the video was over, Phil put the laptop down on the floor and lied back against his mountain of pillows. Dan watched him raise his arms over his head and take a deep breath.

Dan outstretched his hand and started drawing little circles on Phil’s chest. Over the past few weeks, Dan had started getting used to their physical contact. He actually started initiating it some of the time. Even though all of the contact was happening behind closed doors, it was a step in the right direction. As Dan was doing this, Phil released a breathy laugh in response and bit his lip, watching Dan’s fingers circle his pectorals.

“Mmm, Dan. You can’t do that and not promise me some kisses,” Phil stuck his tongue out a little and Dan stopped moving his hand on Phil’s chest. Dan raised his eyebrow and leaned forward to give Phil a kiss on the lips. It was a short kiss though and Dan lifted his head back up smirking at the older boy. He was quickly becoming addicted to Phil’s kisses. Phil stuck out his bottom lip and pouted softly, begging Dan with his eyes to kiss him again. Dan caved, as he usually did, and he leaned over to kiss Phil again. He felt Phil’s hand creep up and press softly on his back, keeping their lips in contact so Dan couldn’t pull away this time. It’s not like Dan wanted to pull away anyway. He was enjoying the moment.

A few seconds turned into a minute and the kiss had become a little more heated. Dan could hear Phil’s breaths start to get irregular. He exhaled out of his nose every time Dan stuck his tongue into Phil’s mouth. This only made Dan want to do it more and he did just that, causing the older boy to moan a little under him. Dan slid his hands up Phil’s chest from the side and clutched the material that lied on top of it. He could feel Phil’s heartbeat under his palm which made his heart skip a tad. He wanted to get closer. He wanted to feel Phil’s bare skin on his hands. He wanted to get as close to Phil’s heart as he could.

He pulled away from their kiss which elicited a whine from Phil and he looked down into Phil’s now open eyes that were screaming at him not to stop. He just gently smiled, reached down and grabbed the hem off Phil’s shirt, then pulled it up and over his head. Phil cooperated but his eyes were now wide open, shocked at the younger boy’s actions. Dan didn’t let this moment of shock get in the way of his mission though as he locked their lips together again and returned his hands to Phil’s now bare chest. The moment his fingers made contact with the soft skin and even softer chest hair on his boyfriend’s body, he exhaled with the a slight throat noise to accompany it. Phil smiled through their kiss, obviously proud of the way his body was making Dan react and he kissed back harder.

Dan lost track of time as Phil started to use his hands on him. Phil was rubbing up and down Dan’s back but with the way Dan was lying on his side, it almost made it impossible for Phil to reach his lower back. Dan wanted to be touched so he took a deep breath, continuing to kiss Phil, and slowly climbed on top of the other boy. He was now looking directly down at Phil, his hair falling into his face, and giving Phil the access he wanted to Dan’s whole back. Phil mumbled under the kiss in surprise but he was obviously loving it and didn’t dare break their lips apart. His heart was beating faster now, Dan could feel it with the one hand that was still sliding up and down the older boy’s chest, the other hand balancing him above Phil. Dan was surprised by his courage to do what he was doing in the first place. He didn’t even complain when Phil brought his hands to the bottom of Dan’s shirt and started to pull up. Dan felt him hesitate, as if to allow him a way out if he wanted one, but Dan only kissed back with more tongue and that’s when Phil pulled the shirt up and over his head. It only broke the heated kiss for a second, the moment his lips returned to Phil’s he was at it again only faster. Phil’s hands slid up his torso and it felt so good to be touched underneath the shirt. Phil’s hands were warm and they felt like they were trying to explore every patch of skin on his torso, sliding up and down and lightly scratching like the time he let Phil give him a massage.

Dan’s legs, which were flanking Phil, started to get tired in this position and Dan felt like he was too far away from the boy underneath him. Moving slowly and steadily, he dropped his body lower so that his naval was lined up with Phil’s. He heard Phil gasp underneath him in surprise at the contact. Dan let his legs line up with Phil’s and their chests flattened together. Dan had never felt closer to his boyfriend, their chests collided and their heartbeats melded. Phil wrapped his bare arms around Dan’s back and clutched lovingly as they continued their kiss.

Dan was no stranger to the arousal now. It was much easier for him to get off to Phil in his own time. He often thought of things like this when he was in the shower and trying to release tension. Moments where he was in a heated kiss with Phil. Sometimes, his brain would go further. He would think about things that he hadn’t even dreamed of doing with Phil quite yet. Phil was a very attractive man. Dan could admit that now. The ideas were there in his mind but he just had not had the ability to do any of them yet. He was still getting used to the thought of being with another boy. _This_ kiss however, had gone from something he was used to and had done with Phil a handful of times, to a very heated and hot make out session. Dan wasn’t surprised when he started to feel the heat in his groin as he usually did when he thought about this kind of interaction. This time however, instead of hopping off of Phil and leaving the poor boy blue-balled, Dan only kept kissing the other boy when he started to feel Phil’s erection underneath of him. Phil was kissing as if he was expecting Dan to pull away any moment. Dan’s crotch was lined up perfectly with his and Dan was sure that Phil expected Dan to stop here. The problem was, Dan didn’t want to stop there. His own cock was starting to harden under his pants and he had no desire to pull away. The concept still freaked him out but the friction felt so good.

Moaning a soft little whimper when Phil’s cock brushed against his own through their pants, Dan could feel the heat in his body spike. The warmth of Phil’s chest against his own burning one was paying off. Phil was loving this. There was no doubt about that. He had started his usual routine of lightly thrusting upward towards Dan and most of the time Dan didn’t stay in this position long enough to feel the affects, this time though, he started thrusting back. He softly started grinding himself down against Phil and he could feel the surprised look take over his boyfriend’s face. Dan felt like he couldn’t stop. He was too hot. Too worked up.

As if he was touching crystal or something of fragile nature, he slowly trailed his hand down Phil’s bare skin. He kissed slower as well, warning Phil that he was trying something else. His hand traveled down his chest, down his side and then to Phil’s hip. He nipped a little at Phil’s lips to stall, but the moment their lips crashed together again, Dan decided to do what he had been so afraid to do before. He slid his hand down to Phil’s thigh, lifted himself a little to the side with his right arm and then brought his left hand to Phil’s crotch. He felt Phil buck up at the contact, totally surprised that Dan had gone there and then he released a moan that made Dan shiver. Phil had started panting now and Dan didn’t know what to do. His hand was cupping and pretty much palming the other man’s cock through his jeans. His breathing was getting a little shaky as he tried not to think about what he was doing. He just added and released pressure on the area while he felt Phil writhe beneath him.

“Mmm...Dan,” Phil muttered under his touch. Phil’s words startled him and in order to shut him up he just pushed his tongue into his boyfriend’s mouth. He kept palming slowly at Phil’s cock as he started to get a feel for the outline. Phil was not small. Not in the slightest. As far as Dan could tell, he was much bigger than him and not only did that make Dan feel a little insecure, it scared him. His hand slowed his movements a little until it came to a halt. Dan just held his hand over the outline of Phil who was still lightly thrusting into it. Dan allowed the kiss to get a little less heated and then shortly after, he stopped altogether.

Phil, who had slipped into a little state of euphoria, suddenly realized that Dan had halted all of his movements. His lips were still against Phil’s but there was no kissing now. Just Dan, lying on top of him, totally still, with his hand on Phil’s cock. Phil opened his eyes all the way and saw Dan’s face of shock. They were both breathing heavily and before Phil could even catch his breath and ask what was wrong, Dan’s hand moved away from Phil’s member quickly and he rolled off of the older boy. He put his face in his hands and faced his body to the ceiling. Their hips were touching and that was all that Dan could manage right now. He felt bad. He tried, he really did. But he just wasn’t ready. Not yet.

“Dan? Are-are you okay?” Phil was still trying to catch his breath.

“I’m sorry, Phil,” he whimpered into his hands. “I can’t do it.”

“Can’t do what?” Phil asked, surprisingly calm for someone who had just had pleasure ripped away from them.

“I just...I’m not ready. Not yet,” Dan stated softly into his hands. “Not yet.”

“Shhh...Don’t worry, it’s okay,” Phil reached over and pushed some of Dan’s hair off of his forehead. Dan didn’t know why he bothered, his hair was a mess now anyway. “We can wait. Don’t worry. We can wait.”

“Im sorry,” Dan felt bad. He was the worst boyfriend ever. Phil was so into it, he could tell.

“You don’t have to be sorry. You never have to do something that you don’t want to do, okay?” Phil spoke soothingly into Dan’s ear. Dan nodded slightly and curled into Phil. Phil reached around and grabbed the shirtless boy into his embrace. “It’s okay.”

“Are you sure? You seemed to really...”

“Dan. I promise, I’ll be fine. Just relax, okay?” Phil stroked his forehead and Dan nodded a small nod.

“Okay...” he sniffled a little and sighed into Phil’s chest. He still very much enjoyed the feeling of Phil’s chest without a shirt. It made him feel closer to him and he never wanted Phil to wear a shirt again. He only felt a little exposed without his own shirt on but it was worth it if it meant that he could be this close to Phil.

“Come on, let’s watch a movie, shall we?” Phil smiled into Dan’s forehead, kissing him gently and pulling his computer up onto the bed once again.

 

-

 

“What did Louise say about dress? What kind of party is this?” Phil asked Dan who was just as in the dark as Phil. They were attempting to get ready for a party that they were supposed to appear at in two hours. Louise had come to them only a few days before to ask if they were interested. Dan tried to turn her down but Louise was not one to argue with, this time specifically. She was insistent that they “get out of the room once and a while”.

“I don’t know Phil, you were there when she invited us. I don’t know any more than you do,” he sighed, sitting on the ground over by his closet to get a closer look at his choices. He was feeling slightly sorry for Phil, getting dragged into his friend’s antics. Phil and Louise had become closer for sure, but in the end it was always Louise’s drive to get Dan to do something that got them into these situations.

“Why does she want us to go again?” Phil groaned as he was fishing through his drawers for a t-shirt that would be acceptable. Dan was sifting through all the crumbled up shirts on his closet floor.

“Because she wants us to go out and do things instead of sitting in here together. She thinks that ever since you moved in, we haven’t left the room,” Dan responded, mocking Louise a little in his tone. But to be fair, she wasn’t entirely incorrect. Dan and Phil, now living in the same cube of space, didn’t need to leave. They did everything together and most of the time, just _being_ together was enough for them. They rarely left for much other than class and food. “But since when does she get to choose when we go outside?”

Dan’s snarky tone was clearly evident. He was kidding but still considered it a valid question.

“Well I hope we have some fun at least. When’s the last time you went to a party?” Phil asked. Dan’s head shook as he picked up a shirt and smelled it to determine it’s cleanliness.

“Phil. I don’t go to parties.”

“Well you did on the night I met you.”

“Well then that’s the last party I went to,” Dan laughed at the clear connection between Louise and these situations. “And I was dragged there by Louise.”

“Well I for one am glad that you were dragged out that night,” Phil said warmly.

“I know...”

“And if Louise’s outings can bring the two of us together, then maybe this one will bring something else. Who knows?”

“You have to consider that the reason I ran into you was because I _left_ the party Louise dragged me to,” Dan protested, not wanting to give the girl that satisfaction, even though she wasn’t there. He refused to connect his relationship with her antics.

“ _Anyway_ , if we have to go, we might as well make the best of it. How does this shirt look?” Phil asked, turning to face Dan as he finished buttoning it up. Dan looked Phil up and down and nodded. His blue button down had little tiny designs patterned about it and really made Phil’s eyes pop.

“You look great, Phil,” he mumbled, turning back to his pile of shirts that weren’t going to cut it. “You’re gonna have to look great for the both of us. I can’t find anything.”

“You want to borrow something?” Phil offered. Dan flashed him a look of confusion.

“Really Phil? I’m not gonna be _that_ couple.”

“But we _aren’t_ that couple. We aren’t even a _couple_ ,” Phil sighed, sitting on the bed and watching Dan sift through the back of his closet.

“You know what I mean,” Dan responded. Phil didn’t respond and when Dan noticed his unusual silence, he turned to face him. He didn’t look terribly happy but knowing Phil, he wouldn’t say anything if he wasn’t. “You know what I mean, right?”

“Yeah, I know what you mean,” Phil said, probably realizing his silence was tipping Dan off to his sudden mood change. Dan stared at Phil for a moment and then he looked down at his pile. He grabbed a random white t-shirt and a grey cardigan and decided it would have to do, then he stood up and threw them on the bed. He walked over to Phil.

“What’s wrong then?”

“Nothing. You should get ready to go. You’re still going to straighten your hair, right?” Phil was obviously trying to change the subject.

“I will in a minute. What’s wrong, Phil?” Dan was determined to stand his ground. He didn’t want Phil to be afraid of telling Dan how he felt and if they were going to be late, so be it.

Phil clearly recognized that he was too obvious about his emotions and he wasn’t going to get away with pretending there was nothing going on. He looked at the floor and shook his head. Dan waited patiently.

“Nothing’s wrong, I just sometimes wish we _were_ a couple,” Phil commented quietly. “But I understand why we aren’t and it’s okay.”

Dan constantly felt guilty about this. Ever since the two of them came back to Uni and started hanging out with other people. Many times while they were around others, Dan would have to resist his urges to touch or compliment Phil. It was starting to feel very unnatural considering that behind closed doors they were typically quite affectionate. Dan knew that Phil must have felt this way but he had never said it out loud. And even now, admitting that he would like to be official, Phil still comforted Dan by letting him know that it was okay. Dan was grateful to have someone like Phil who always put his needs second to Dan’s. This didn’t make him feel any better about it though and the guilt twisted his stomach a little as he saw Phil’s forced smile.

He still wasn’t ready to come out and just the thought of letting other people know gave him a horrible knot in his gut. He was still coming around to the idea of admitting it to himself and even though it had been about a month, he still shuddered when he thought about the things his university peers said at the party. Just thinking about that party made the party they were about to go to even less appealing.

Behind the safety of their own room however, those fears left him. He only hoped that eventually they would go away altogether. As Dan stared into Phil’s eyes he couldn’t help but feel like he had to do something. He stepped forward and embraced the older boy.

“I’m sorry, Phil,” he was sorry but even saying it made the guilt worse. It seemed that was all he could ever say to Phil when he got too freaked out to explain what was going on.

“It’s okay, Dan. I love you. We can wait as long as you need,” he sighed and hugged the younger boy back. These words should have comforted Dan, but for some reason he still felt the slightest bit of guilt. Phil was far too patient for what Dan deserved. “Now come on, let’s get ready for this party. We can talk about this later.”

Phil was right, this party was for Louise and if they didn’t get hyped for it, Dan was sure that Louise would personally plan their funerals. Dan let go of Phil and went to change and straighten his hair.

 

-

 

The moment they arrived at the address that Louise sent them, Dan was immediately brought back to the party he attended months ago. The music was seeping from the house and there were people pouring out from every entrance. How did people throw parties like this and not get super overwhelmed? He was just thankful it wasn’t happening at _his_ house. Phil looked amused and Dan just shook his head as they walked in. Their first objective was to check in with Louise - wherever she was.

“Do you see her?” Dan leaned over to scream in Phil’s ear. The music was far too loud for his taste and he could barely hear himself over the mass of people who were chit chatting around him. Phil was tall so he could scan the room. When Phil shook his head though they weaved through the congregation of people until they found Louise sitting on a couch next to Zoe. She saw them and her eyes lit up.

“Dan! Phil!” she shouted, her drink sloshing from her hand as she stood to greet them. “I’m so glad you decided to come!”

“You didn’t really give us much choice...” Dan muttered but he felt Phil’s elbow in his rib as soon as he said it.

“We’re glad you invited us. Thanks, Louise,” Phil said with a certain amount of poise that Dan was not aware anyone could possess. Louise nodded and gestured towards the group she was sitting with. Dan only recognized one of the faces as Zoe but the rest of them were people he had only ever seen in passing. She pointed at each one as she informed them of their names.

“Alfie, Emma, Luke, and Casper, meet Dan and Phil,” she introduced them by pointing in their direction. Dan and Phil gave a couple awkward waves but everyone seemed to be pretty engaged in their conversations. Dan was slightly glad that Matt wasn’t there. He liked Matt enough, the few times they had met, but their first meeting was at the last party and he really laid it into Phil. It seemed that was a pattern. “Why don’t you guys go grab some drinks from the kitchen? I’ll catch up with you in a little bit!”

“Sounds good,” Phil answered her, recognizing how tipsy she was. There was no chance she would be able to hold a real conversation in that state. Phil gently placed a hand on Dan’s back to guide him towards the kitchen. It was almost like he knew where he was going.

When they reached the kitchen, Phil grabbed them both a bottle of beer. The kitchen was the least crowded place in the house and with the mountains of beer cases, Dan could see why people came to these parties in the first place. It was one bottle short of a keg and as he sipped his drink he shook his head.

“I would never be able to throw a party like this,” he took another sip and sighed. “The clean up must be horrendous.”

“Yeah, it is,” Phil stated. Dan turned to him with his eyebrows up.

“No way,” Dan’s mouth fell open a little. Dan could see the other boy’s smirk on his lips. “You threw a party like this, didn’t you?”

Phil took another sip of his beer instead of answering and Dan almost choked on his.

“Wow. Past Phil was crazy,” Dan laughed, glad that Phil wasn’t so into these things now. “Tell me, what would possess past Phil to throw a party like this?”

“Remember that American guy I was telling you about? My roommate?” Phil fidgeted with the glass bottle in his hands as he smiled and recalled the memory. “He liked to drag me to parties. Then when he got his own place sophomore year, we threw parties together. I was _always_ put on clean up duty..”

“Wait, Tyler? The one you said liked _fresh meat_ ,” Dan referenced the choice of words that Phil had used.

“Yes, Tyler,” Phil laughed and took another sip from his beer. They paused their conversation to watch a very drunk man stumble in and grab a bottle of beer, stumbling out and mumbling to himself. “He’s probably around here somewhere.”

“And how do you know that?” Dan asked.

“Because this is his house.”

“What?”

“This is where Tyler lives. Him and his other American roommate, Korey.”

“Why do you know so much about all this?” Dan asked, surprised that Phil actually had other people in his life that Dan didn’t know about.

“We’re still friends. Every now and then I still get texts inviting me to parties. It’s just not my scene, that’s all,” Phil chuckled a little as he stared into Dan’s wide brown eyes. “Alex used to really like these parties and I always just kind of tagged along. After that beer pong incident though, I kind of figured I wasn’t wanted anyway.”

Dan reminisced and thought about the stories people were telling. He sighed and nodded.

“Well if it makes you feel better, these parties are pretty much my worst nightmare. I hate large groups of people,” Dan stared at his drink now, swishing it around in the bottle. “I think the only fun part is watching the drunk people.”

“The drunk people?”

“Yeah, look see...” he grabbed Phil’s sleeve and brought him over to the doorway where they could see the mass of people in the other room. “There are five types of drunk people.”

“You had the time to come up with a whole theory?” Phil asked, clearly impressed with Dan’s observation skills.

“Again, what do you think I do when I go to parties?” Dan asked Phil, trying to remind his friend that he is definitely not the party type.

“Okay, okay. Go on,” Phil looked in the direction Dan was pointing. He was pointing to a guy sitting on a chair next to a side table. He was flailing his arms and talking quite loudly to the person across the room. He was clearly enjoying himself but he was also sitting dangerously close to the very expensive looking lamp beside him.

“He’s a silly drunk. Tons of fun until he knocks over that lamp,” Dan said, turning his attention to another person on the other side of the room. This person was yelling at someone who was leaning against the wall. His plastic cup was empty and he wasn’t very happy about it. The boys watched as he threw the cup at the guy in front of him and stomped away. “He’s an angry drunk. You know, the guys that repress all their shit until they start drinking and it all comes out on other people.”

He pointed to a couple standing off to the side of the room. The girl had clearly been crying and was an obvious emotional wreck. The guy was trying to comfort her in the best way possible, clearly not succeeding as all the girl kept repeating was that she wanted to go home.

“She’s an emotional drunk. She walked in here ready to have a good time but ten minutes in and she’s ready to go home,” Dan explained, then pointing in the direction of a guy who had passed out on the floor in the corner. Someone had for some reason put a banana on his chest. Dan chuckled a little. “And he’s a tired drunk. Probably super hyped to be here but the moment the alcohol hits his system, he’s out like a light.”

“Wow,” Phil commented, looking at the sea of people before them. “What’s the fifth one?”

“Hm?”

“The fifth drunk. You said there were five,” Phil looked at Dan expectedly and waited for an answer.

“Oh right...yeah,” he scanned the room looking for someone exhibiting the traits but couldn’t see anyone obvious. “It doesn’t look like there’s anyone here that has the last quality.”

“And what would that be?”

“The sexual drunk.”

Phil raised his eyebrows.

“You know, the kind of drunk that hits on you at any given chance,” Dan explained. Phil stared at him for a second and then scanned the room.

“Now we _really_ need to find Tyler,” Phil laughed and Dan rolled his eyes.

“You know, I don’t see how you and Tyler were even friends. He doesn’t sound anything like you,” Dan finished off his bottle of beer and grabbed another from the case behind them. It turned out that hiding in the kitchen was the best choice they could have made. It wasn’t too loud and they were next to the endless supply of liquor.

“He’s a cool guy, I swear,” Phil protested, giving the room one last look in an attempt to find him. Coming up with nothing, they backed further into the kitchen and leaned against the counters. “If I find him I’ll introduce you two.”

Dan nodded as he started on his second beer.

“By the way, that drunk people theory...” Phil started, chuckling a little to himself. “...it’s really funny. You could make a video about that.”

“Phil..”

“No, I’m serious. I think it would be really good.”

“I don’t do the Youtube thing,” Dan protested. “That’s all you.”

“The internet disagrees. You know, I keep getting comments asking about you. When are you going to get back behind the camera?” Phil elbowed him a little. “People are demanding you make your own videos.”

“Oh I don’t know, Phil. I wouldn’t even know what to make videos about. I’m a bloody law student,” Dan sighed and shook his head. “People don’t want to hear about my life.”

“Sure they do. And that drunk people theory is a start. I think it would be funny,” Phil took the last sip from his bottle and he grabbed another. Dan watched him open it up and take a sip. “I don’t know. Food for thought.”

“Thanks, Phil. I’ll let you know if the sudden desire to make my own channel arises. For now, I’ll just stick to being an extra in yours,” Dan gave his boyfriend a genuine smile and tried to signal to him that if they weren’t in public, there would be a sweet kiss involved. Phil bowed his head in response in an effort to tell him that he understood.

The two boys stood there for a while listening to the sounds of the party. Some S Club 7 came on over the speaker and they both danced along, each surprised that the other knew most of the words. It was towards the end of the song when they heard a commotion in the other room. Someone belting the lyrics of the song while standing on a coffee table. Dan and Phil made their way to the doorway to inspect the situation and there, standing in the middle of the room, was a man with a bottle of tequila and a crooked pair of glasses, singing for the whole room to hear.

“DON’T STOP MOVIN’, FIND YOUR OWN WAY TO IT, LISTEN TO THE MUSIC, TAKING YOU TO PLACES THAT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN BEFO-”

The guy stopped when he glanced in their direction. He froze and squinted a bit, readjusting his glasses to get a better look.

“Phil?” he scratched the back of his head and hopped down from the table. People had gone back to mingling, no longer paying attention to the blue haired boy that was now wobbling his way over to the two of them. Dan was dazed and definitely confused, trying to identify this stranger. It only made sense that this boy, the one holding the nearly empty bottle of tequila, was Tyler. “PHIL! It _is_ you! What a surprise!”

“Hi Tyler,” Phil smiled and suddenly Tyler was falling over into a hug that Phil reluctantly returned. He pat the other boy’s back gently. “How are you?”

“Well I’m doing just fine! I’m even better now that you’re here!” Tyler broke the hug and wobbled back onto his heels. He was giggling and Dan could hear his flamboyantly American accent as he spoke. “And _who_...”

Tyler’s attention was now directly on Dan. Dan’s brown eyes blew open wide when the other boy, who reeked of tequila, got really close to his face.

“...is _this_ precious boy that you brought with you?” he was laughing and Dan couldn’t help but smile. Tyler’s laugh was really loud and was definitely contagious.

“This is Dan. He’s my-,” Phil hesitated only for a millisecond. “-best friend.”

“Ah yes! Dan!” Tyler laughed and brought his hands up to his face. “Bless! You’re even more precious than I imagined!”

“Thanks?” Dan spoke hesitantly. As soon as the words left his mouth, Tyler’s eyes widened. He turned his head slowly to Phil who nodded ever so slightly, then returned his gaze to Dan.

“Oh I like you already,” Tyler swung his arm around Dan and pulled him in for a casual side hug. Dan had to support the boy a little as he swayed next to him. “So friends, what brings you out tonight?”

“Dan’s friend Louise wanted us to come so we could meet her friends,” Phil answered. Dan was too absorbed in the fact that another human was touching him. Harmlessly touching, but still touching.

“Oh my god, well why are you two hiding in my kitchen then?” Tyler gestured to the room they were standing in. “There’s nobody in here!”

“We were justing taking a break from all the commotion out there. Phil told me you knew how to throw a good party and it looks like he was right,” Dan humored the drunk boy before them. He could feel the effect of the beers in his cheeks.

“Aww thank you Dan, but Phil, you helped me throw these parties a couple years ago! Give yourself some credit! Phil really is the best wingman,” Tyler broke from Dan’s side and waddled over to Phil. “Phil was dating some crazy guy so he put all of his energy into finding me someone to play with. Isn’t that right Phil?”

Phil shrugged a little, his face turning pink. It was clear that he didn’t want Dan to know much about that part of his life. Tyler playfully pushed Phil’s arm.

“Hey, remember when you-”

Phil placed a hand over Tyler’s mouth.

“I don’t think we need to recall past Phil’s shenanigans,” his face was going red now and Dan tried not to laugh at the shaky voice that was emerging from his nervous throat. Tyler grinned underneath Phil’s hand and then Phil broke his hand from Tyler’s face suddenly. “Did you just lick me?!”

“Yes and don’t make me do it again!” Tyler threatened. He laughed and looked at Dan. “Seriously though, Phil is one of the best guys I know. You picked a good one.”

“Oh I know,” Dan shot Phil a little wink. Phil’s blushing increased and he looked at his feet with a smile that he couldn’t even try to hide.

“Oh my god, stop! You two are too cute!” Tyler exclaimed, squealing a little too loud for Dan’s comfort. His smile fell from his face.

“Oh...uh...we aren’t-”

“Oh hush, it takes one to know one, Dan,” Tyler laughed and then he dropped his voice to a whisper. “But don’t worry, your secret is safe with me.”

Dan said nothing but he shuffled his feet a little.

“But come on you guys, if it wasn’t obvious before, it is now. Hiding away from the whole party in this room _all by yourselves_. You must know you two aren’t being very discrete,” Tyler made a face at the two of them. “Why are you hiding it anyway? Pretty sure nobody cares.”

“We’re just not ready yet,” Phil answered before Dan could even say anything at all. Dan looked up at him with thankful eyes. Phil was kind to have said _we_ instead of calling Dan out. “This whole thing is still pretty new and we just don’t want to make it official until we know it’ll work out.”

“Psssh, Phil I never thought of you as the cautious type,” Tyler said, taking a tiny swig from the bottle in his hand. “But _c’est la vie_ , you do what you want.”

Phil glanced at Dan and Dan felt the ping of guilt that he had attempted to forget about from earlier. Dan didn’t need any more reminders about how he was holding Phil back from being his true self.

“So Phil, how are your classes going this semester?” Tyler turned to Phil and actually attempted at real conversation. Phil answered a real answer and Dan was shocked at how suddenly the subject changed. Tyler was a very loud and high energy guy and Dan really did like him. He was only a tad thrown off by how much Tyler could read off of him. Maybe it was because he knew Phil so well but it was comforting to know that at least Tyler didn’t care about whether Dan was gay or not.

They talked for a while, Dan shaking the thoughts from his head and joining their conversation. Tyler asked Dan about his freshman year and how it was going. He shared a story from his first semester, before he knew Phil that made Dan chuckle.

Tyler was in no way a quiet guy. His conversations carried and it seemed that after a little while, people were starting to notice their little party in the kitchen. More people would come in and grab a drink and some would jump into their conversation while they were at it, linger for a bit, then go join their friends once again. Tyler, being the host, was gracious to them all, but he wasn’t as invested in their company as he was in Dan and Phil’s.

Things were going quite well until a large man and a slightly smaller man came wandering into the kitchen looking for some extra drinks. Dan could tell that they had already consumed quite a bit, their footing was a little off and they couldn’t walk in a straight line. Unlike the other people who had wandered in, they didn’t appear to know Tyler at all. They ignored him as they both pushed past the small group of boys to get a drink. The larger one bumped into Phil a little as he reached over to grab the bottle opener but Phil said nothing and he simply moved out of the way. The bigger guy glanced down at Phil expecting some sort of apology.

“Hey!” the guy barked down at Phil who was minding his own business, becoming startled by the loud noise coming from the other guy’s throat. Their conversation came to a halt and when the guy gave the other two a glance, he burst out laughing. “Oh I’m sorry, I didn’t realize we stumbled into the queer room.”

The three stood there in disbelief at what the guy just said. Dan immediately felt uncomfortable. This was not headed in a good direction.

“I should have known that any room with Phil Lester in it is automatically gay,” the man snarled at Phil. Dan held his breath and glanced at Tyler who looked like he was fuming but a little too drunk to process what was going on. The guy stepped a bit closer to Phil, a closeness that Dan was very not okay with. “Don’t think I haven’t seen your faggot Youtube channel. It’s just another way for you gays to get all the attention.”

“Hey!” Dan snapped from behind the larger man. Every eye in the room turned to him in shock. Including Phil’s. He couldn’t believe that he even opened his mouth but it was too late now. He had already started so he clenched his fists and spoke up again. “Leave him alone.”

The guy laughed, throwing his head back as he placed his arms across his chest, turning to Dan now.

“And who are you, his little twink boyfriend?” he spat the question and Dan let out a shaky breath. “Yeah, that’s right, I saw you on the channel too.”

Dan’s moment of courage was over and he was completely speechless. His mind blanked and he glanced at Phil who just looked down at his feet as he bit his lip. The poor boy never liked conflict and always deemed it easier to just ignore it. Dan returned his glance to the guy in front of him and then slinked back, dropping his shoulders in defeat.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought...” the guy stammered while giving Phil another glare.

“Excuse me, who are you?” Tyler finally spoke up, stepping towards the guy. “I’m sorry but I don’t appreciate you making fun of my guests!”

The guy clearly had no idea that this was Tyler’s party and the moment Tyler started getting into this detail, the guy looked much more frightened.

Dan felt like he was about to cry. He felt terrible. He attempted to stand up for the person he really cared about but all he did was shrivel up under pressure. His heart was beating faster than it ever had and his face felt pale like he hadn’t got enough oxygen. He didn’t want anyone seeing him like this and at that moment, Phil was still looking at the floor. He decided that he needed to get out of that kitchen and while Tyler was promptly yelling at the guy in front of them, hopefully kicking him out of the house, Dan made a run for it. He left the kitchen and headed for the stairs, putting down his beer bottle somewhere on the way. He couldn’t care less about guest etiquette at the moment, all he wanted was to find a place to breath. Tyler probably wouldn’t mind and he didn’t think twice as he leaped up two stairs at a time, took a left and entered the first door he found. Luckily, there was nobody in the room. Slamming the door he sped walked to the furthest wall and slid down against it, finally feeling like he could breath.


	21. Chapter 21

He felt pathetic. He felt like the worst boyfriend that could ever exist. He knew that the things people said about Phil were terrible. He hated the people who said them. But he hated himself more. What made him any different from them if he never said anything to defend Phil? He couldn’t even fathom how angry he was when Chris started pissing on Phil all those weeks ago, but he let that one go because he cared about PJ. This time though, he had no connection with this man who was doing the same thing right to Phil’s face, but he couldn’t do anything. He tried. He wanted to rip that guy’s head off but his body wouldn’t let him. His body stopped him from finishing the job and telling the guy off. Thank goodness for Tyler.

Dan thought about Phil’s face. Phil was strong but he was not an aggressive human being. He was gentle and soft and couldn’t hurt a fly. That almost made this worse. Phil hadn’t said a word. He just took it. Not only did that make Dan feel even shittier for not being able to stand up for him, it made him feel worthless. If he couldn’t stand up for Phil, then Phil had to bear that alone and it just wasn’t fair. Not to mention, Dan wasn’t even comfortable being open about their relationship. That must sting.

The semi-familiar feeling of a warm droplet rolling down his cheek surprised him. He wasn’t even aware that he had started crying. He clutched his knees to his chest and tried to focus on something else. He closed his eyes and felt the bass of the music from below. He heard nothing else though. This room seemed pretty soundproof.

Becoming aware of the fact he had wandered into a random room in Tyler’s house, he opened his eyes and blinked away the water that clouded his view. He looked around. This was not a bedroom. It was an office of sorts. It had a range of things within it. A desk, computer, exercise equipment, some random books and boxes and on the very opposite wall from where Dan was sitting, a large wooden piano. He looked at it and smiled. Pianos had always made Dan happy and there was something about seeing one for the first time in a long time that made his heart flutter. In his youth, since he was never really into sports, he chose to learn the classical instrument from a mean old lady that lived on his street. He only took them for eight weeks before never going again and telling his parents she moved to Scotland. It was not something he really thought about often, he didn’t even know how to read sheet music, he just knew how to match the notes of a song with the keys after a few tries. He looked down at his trembling body and then took a deep breath, getting to his feet. He was sure that nobody would mind if he had a go at playing. He would be careful.

Sitting down on the bench that seemed quite worn, he cracked his knuckles before placing his hands on the cold keys. He cleared his head as much as he could and after taking a deep breath, he recalled something he used to love playing. Experimentally pushing down on a few of his fingers, the sound of a couple keys filled the room. He was glad that it was loud enough to drown out the noises from below as he closed his eyes and imagined himself anywhere but in a place full of people he didn’t know. He thought back to his own tiny keyboard at home as the recognizable sound of Muse’s _Sunburn_ left the keys before him. He didn’t even realize he had started playing. Oh how he missed that feeling. He missed being able to produce the beautiful sound with such little effort.

He got lost in the music that was pouring from the wooden object, his eyes shut but his heart was wide open. He couldn’t be bothered to think about anything else as he just played for what felt like eternity. The best part of it all was that it made him feel the way he felt when he was with Phil. There was something so comfortable about being there in his own head. This was his happy place.

He was nearing the end of the song and he hadn’t messed up nearly as much as he expected to. For not having touched a piano in so long, he was quite proud of himself. He hit the last few notes perfectly and let his fingers fall gently on the keys as he exhaled. Playing had calmed him down and he no longer felt the need to cry. The shaking had stopped and his mind was momentarily clear. The quiet that had previously owned the room came back and he finally opened his eyes again.

“I didn’t know you played piano.”

Dan jumped and hit a couple keys, startling himself out of his quiet headspace. He whipped around and saw two bodies standing in the doorway. At some point during his little show, Phil and Louise had let themselves into the room and had waited until Dan finished the song before speaking. He looked at Phil who had spoken and noticed the content look on his face. He didn’t look upset at all, which surprised Dan.

“How come you never told me you played?” Phil walked towards the younger boy. He stood behind him and looked down at Dan who was silent, staring at the keys. He could feel Phil looking at him but didn’t know what to say. He was still so ashamed of himself for failing so completely and then walking out, leaving Phil behind. “Dan?”

Dan looked up at Louise who was fidgeting with her earlobe. After a couple seconds of silence she looked up to find both boys staring at her.

“Oh Dear. It looks like I’ve lost an earring...” she said hesitantly, probably sensing that she was intruding on a conversation that needed to happen. Dan didn’t mind that she was there, he didn’t want to speak anyway, but Phil was giving her eyes that were signaling her departure. “I’m going to go take a look downstairs. Let me know when you boys want to head home, I’ll walk with you.”

She made her way out of the room quickly and when the door clicked shut, Phil turned back to Dan who’s head was hanging on his shoulders. Phil sat on the bench next to him, forcing the younger boy to scoot over. Their hips were touching but Dan didn’t look up.

“You can keep playing if you want,” Phil encouraged. “It sounded really nice.”

Dan shook his head.

“I don’t really feel like playing anymore,” he mumbled, not sure why he was admitting that to Phil. There was a silence as Phil realized the mood that Dan was in. Phil looked around the room in an effort to give Dan a moment, but after a long time without any words, Phil finally spoke again.

“Are you okay?”

“What do you think Phil? Of course I’m not okay...” Dan snapped. It wasn’t Phil he was snapping at and luckily Phil seemed to understand that. Phil waited patiently for Dan to finish his thought. “I can’t even stand up for my bloody boyfriend, who I can’t even admit _is_ my boyfriend! I’m so ashamed of who I am that I won’t even let you tell anyone about us. I’m a really shit boyfriend, Phil.”

Phil looked into Dan’s eyes that were welling up again. He used everything in his power to force them to dry. He swore that he wasn’t going to cry again.

“You’re not a shit boyfriend,” Phil started. His voice was gentle and soft, not wavering for a second. He glanced at the closed door and took their seclusion as an opportunity to sling an arm around Dan’s shoulder. Dan felt the contact and shook his head.

“I am though. Phil, I’m worthless. I feel so bad. That guy was being really nasty to you out there and I did nothing...” Dan felt the boy beside him laugh and he snapped his head up, being greeted with a smile.

“Are you kidding? That’s not true. You _did_ stand up for me! In fact, I was totally impressed,” Phil admitted. Dan couldn’t help but smile slightly. Dan? Impressed Phil? “People are just jerks. It’s okay that you’re not ready to confront them or yourself yet. These things take time.”

Dan nodded slightly and dropped his head again.

“But Phil...” he spoke so quietly, he could barely hear himself. “You want to come out. I know you told Tyler that _we_ weren’t ready, but I know you are. I’m keeping you from that. Doesn’t that make me terrible?”

“Of course not! You’re worth the wait, Bear,” Phil spoke softly to match Dan. Dan’s body froze and he looked up at Phil. The water in his eyes somehow completely evaporated and he met the other boy’s gaze. Did Phil just call him Bear? He felt his heart skip, this time in a good way. Phil’s smile was genuine and he leaned his head into the older boy. “I’m sorry I mentioned it at all. I really don’t mind waiting until you’re ready.”

Dan nodded slightly and the guilt that had been growing in his stomach all day started to waste away.

“Really?” Dan asked into Phil’s neck.

“Really.”

Dan let out a breath and laughed a little. “God I’m such a baby.”

Phil shook his head and kissed the top of Dan’s. he didn’t need to say anything, Dan knew what he was going to say. An argument against Dan’s claim, telling him that he was going through a lot and that it was okay. Phil always knew what to say, but he also knew when he didn’t need to say anything at all.

“You know what was really funny?” Phil asked.

“Hm?”

“Tyler threw that jerk out so fast. You should have seen his face. He was so embarrassed, insulting the person who threw the party in the first place! Man, I wish you saw his face.”

“You know, I think I could go forever without seeing his face again, thank you very much.”

“And when I told Louise about what happened, she looked ready to kill. She threatened to go after him and smash in his skull,” Phil laughed. “I believe her exact words were _anyone who threatens my boys either has to be the grim reaper or is going to meet him!_ ”

Dan chuckled. Oh Louise. She really was a great friend.

“She was totally going to do it too until I told her that I couldn’t find you and she immediately decided to set up a search party,” Phil told Dan. “Luckily I had a feeling you would have wandered up here. An empty room with no loud noises, seems right up your alley.”

“I’m sorry for fleeing, by the way.”

“That’s okay. I knew you wouldn’t have gone far,” he rubbed Dan’s back. “Speaking of fleeing, what do you say we go home and pretend this party never happened?”

Dan nodded and stood from the bench. Phil did as well, letting Dan establish his footing before punching him in the arm with a smile.

“Ow! Hey!” Dan rubbed his bicep. “What was that for?”

“That’s for not telling me you played piano!” Phil scolded, smiling as he did it. “How on earth did that not come up?”

“I’m sorry! I forgot!”

“You forgot?” Phil glared at him as he opened the door and they headed down the stairs and onto the busy ground floor of the house.

“Yeah, I just forgot...” Dan shook his head. “I also kinda play drums.”

“What?” Phil looked shocked. “Oh Howell. You never cease to surprise me.”

They walked right up to Louise who was happily finishing off a beer.

“Ah! Boys! You ready to head home?” she toddled over to them with a bright smile. She was glowing but her cheeks were nice and red. She was very drunk.

“Yeah. Are you sure you want to head home with us? We can probably make it back ourselves,” Phil offered, catching Louise as she leaned a little too far to the left.

“Don’t be silly, boys! I’m fine! Let’s go,” she stood in-between them and hooked her arms into both of their elbows.

They led the dazed and giddy girl through the house and out the door, starting their journey back to campus. Luckily, the walk was only about fifteen minutes andit was a rather warm night.

“I’m sorry we didn’t get a chance to sit and talk with your friends for longer. They seemed really nice,” Dan tried to apologize. He knew that it wasn’t their fault that they were leaving, but he still felt bad because Louise had mentioned she wanted them to meet. She laughed.

“Oh never mind, Danny. They weren’t much fun tonight anyway. You see, Zoe and Alfie are getting pretty serious and Luke and Emma are sort of fighting, leaving poor Casper and I to socialize. As much as I love that boy, he’s not much fun when he’s drunk,” Louise went on about her friend group for some time. She explained which friends were cool and which ones were pains in her rear. All the while, having a hard time remembering how to speak in the first place. Dan and Phil exchanged glances and laughed at her as she slurred her words.

When they finally reached their floor, Dan and Phil brought her to her room, making sure she was all settled. They pretty much tucked her in before they asked her if she needed anything else before they left.

“I should be good, Fellas,” she mumbled, turning over in-between her sheets and her duvet. Her eyes were shut and she was humming slightly to herself. “You know, you two would make great parents...”

“Goodnight Louise,” Phil said, ignoring the remark as she waved her hand to excuse them. They quietly turned off the light and closed the door behind them before they both giggled. “Wow that girl is _something_.”

“ _Parents_? Really Louise?” Dan rolled his eyes as they headed back to their room. Phil only laughed.

They were both yawning after they brushed their teeth. Phil went to the bathroom and before he even emerged, Dan was already in bed with his eyes shut. Phil’s giggle was both mocking and loving.

“Tired are we?” he walked over and crouched next to the younger boy’s bed.

“Mmhhmm.”

“Well, thank you for sticking up for me tonight. I really appreciate it, Dan.”

“Mmm.”

“Goodnight.”

“Mm.”

Phil kissed his cheek, ignoring Dan’s lack of speech, turning out the light and shuffling over to his own bed. He climbed into it, shuffling a little to get comfortable and then let out a long sigh of comfort. Dan loved the way Phil sighed when he finally got comfortable. It was one of his favorite things about the other boy.

“M’sorry Phil,” Dan mumbled, pretty much asleep. He hoped Phil understood what he was apologizing for.

“Shh, Dan. Get some rest.”

Phil’s suggestion was the last thing he heard before he let himself drift off into a sleep that he hoped would help him forget the events of that night.

 

-

 

Dan wished that the memories of the party would stop attacking his brain. He also wished that it hadn’t affected his relationship with Phil. He hoped that after that night, his opinion on coming out would change. He wanted so badly to be able to do what Phil wanted but it just wasn’t possible to force his brain into that mindset. There was something about how that guy spoke to them at the party that made his stomach lurch when he thought about telling others about their relationship. Dan was obviously still very much attracted to Phil, inside and out, but he was now even more frightened to move forward physically than he was initially. This was a byproduct of that night’s events that he hadn’t expected. He was even scared to make moves that he made before, even behind closed doors. Their spontaneous kissing and heated make out sessions were put on hold. He thought it was because he feared what would happen if anyone found out, but he soon discovered that wasn’t the case. Sure he was afraid of that, but after hours of thought and some painful realizations, he concluded that it was really his own brain rejecting the thought of how far they could take things.

He didn’t cut Phil out altogether however. In fact, if anything, their relationship got stronger. Dan was very focused on Phil and their friendship, just finding more reasons to enjoy his company. But then Dan would remember that they were an item and Phil would try and kiss Dan for longer than ten seconds, and Dan would find some way to interrupt and end the moment. He suspected that Phil began to figure it out because after a few days Phil stopped trying. They reverted back to short pecks on the lips and purely cuddles.

Of course he felt bad. He noticed how Phil held himself back, not making out with Dan like they would on some afternoons instead of doing homework. They would just watch movies in each other’s arms instead. It only made Dan feel worse about all of this. It made him feel like he was letting Phil down. But the last thing he wanted to do was talk about it and thank god Phil was respecting his thoughts because he didn’t even ask once. He probably assumed what was going on. Phil was a smart guy and Dan didn’t underestimate him.

A few times, Phil asked him in round about ways, wondering if he was stressed or if something was on his mind but Dan knew that even if he tried to explain what was going on, it wouldn’t make sense so he just kind of shrugged it off and Phil seemed to also drop it.

He did miss it though. He spent twice as long in the shower taking care of his little problems that were even harder to deal with now. He wanted so badly to grab Phil by the back of his neck and kiss him so hard that their lips bled. He still regularly got off to the image of Phil and it only made the boy harder to resist. But when they started inching closer to the line, his brain would shut him down and force him to stop.

This turmoil had only been going on for about three days after the party and even Dan was getting mad at his own brain for cock-blocking him. It wasn’t like things ever got super risqué before but that didn’t mean he didn’t crave something a little more than a kiss on the cheek every once and a while.

Dan was walking home on a Wednesday afternoon with large strides. He got out of class earlier than Phil did on Wednesdays and he was already thinking about how he was going to deal with his pent up sexual tension. Just the thought of lying down and taking care of himself to the thought of Phil made his cock twitch under his skinny jeans. His pace quickened and he entered his building with haste. It still felt like ages before he arrived at his door, fumbling with his keys before shoving the metal piece into the doorknob. He flung the door open and immediately his excitement was soiled. Sitting at his desk, editing what must have been a new video, was Phil Lester.

Phil turned around when the door swung open and he beamed.

“Oh hey,” he waved at the younger boy who quickly dropped his bag from his back and placed it subtly in front of the problem that was surely prominently visible in his pants. He hoped that Phil didn’t notice. “My last class got canceled! How lucky is that?”

“Oh wow. Super lucky,” Dan scratched the back of his head with his free hand nervously and smiled at Phil, inching into the room slowly and closing the door behind him.

“How was class?” Phil placed his earphones on the desk and cocked his head to listen to Dan.

“Pretty good. Professor Burnham is a pain in my ass.”

“Her again?”

“Yeah. I have this paper due next week and she _just now_ told us about it,” Dan groaned. This conversation was only delaying the date he had with his own dick in the shower. Pathetic, but true. Keeping the bag where it was, he continued to inch his way to his side of the room. “It’s alright I guess, it just means I’m going to have to spend all weekend working on it.”

“Aww. I’m sorry, Dan. That’s a bummer,” Phil dropped his shoulders in disappointment.

“I wasn’t planning on doing anything this weekend anyways, so it’s okay really,” Dan sighed. He wasn’t planning on going to anymore parties, that’s for sure.

“Well actually...” Phil started, looking around the room. “I was going to ask you, I need to head down to my parent’s house this weekend, would you care to join me?”

“You mean in _Rawtenstall_?” Dan asked, shocked that Phil would make the trip for only the weekend.

“Well yeah, it’s my mum’s birthday this weekend and I figured it might be nice to actually see her this year,” Phil smiled warmly. Dan fidgeted where he stood.

“Well I don’t want to intrude on your family...”

“No no, they’ll be heading to London on Saturday morning so they asked me to watch the plants while they were gone for the weekend. I could use the company.”

“And your parents won’t mind?” Dan asked sheepishly, not going to question Phil’s judgment. He honestly just wanted to get this conversation over with so he could go deal with his little issue. Phil shook his head. “Yeah alright. Sounds fun to me.”

“Great!” Phil looked more excited than he had been in a while.

“But you have to help me write this paper,” Dan threatened.

“Sure thing, Dan,” Phil agreed. He glanced down at the backpack in front of Dan’s crotch. Dan had to will his face not to get red. “Why are you still holding that?”

“Oh. Haha. I guess I am. I didn’t notice,” he laughed awkwardly and then turned around, dropping the bag to the floor. Without facing Phil, he walked over to the bathroom to turn on the shower. “I need to take a shower. I feel rather gross.”

He threw in the last bit so that Phil wouldn’t question him but for some reason he could feel Phil’s eyes looking at him as he walked into the bathroom. He reached into the shower and turned on the hot water, adjusting the knob to where he liked it, and then turned around to grab his towel from the end of his bed. What he didn’t expect was Phil now standing only a foot away from him. He brought the towel to his nether region and gulped.

“You look bothered,” Phil said, placing a hand on Dan’s hip. This kind of affection was exactly what Dan wanted and actually greatly appreciated but this was the worst time possible. His cock twitched again at the contact with Phil’s hand. “Want to watch the video I’m editing when you get out of the shower? I need your input.”

“Sure,” Dan smiled, genuinely excited for that. It had been a while.

“Cool,” Phil stepped a little closer and then leaned in towards Dan for what Dan assumed was a usual short kiss. But when Phil lingered on his lips, Dan started to freak out a little. He took a sharp breath in and then broke their kiss as he looked away.

“I don’t want to waste water...” he referenced the running stream behind him. “I’ll be out in a few.”

Backing away from the older boy who looked a little insulted and deeply offended, he felt the guilt claw against his stomach walls. But he could also feel his cock pressing painfully against his zipper as it begged to be free. He needed the release and he needed it now. He didn’t allow himself to give it much thought as he shot Phil a sympathetic glance and he shut the bathroom door, separating the two of them.

He dropped the towel and rushed to take off his pants. His cock released from it’s tight enclosure, the warm foggy air of the tiny bathroom reminding him how badly he needed this. He attempted not to think of Phil’s disappointed face when Dan denied him of their sweet kiss and when he shed the rest of his clothing, the image disappeared. At least for a moment. He reached down and clutched his member with his hand that was pretty clammy from clenching his fists so hard moments before. They didn’t feel as good as they usually did. He was standing naked in a bathroom but he hadn’t stepped into the shower just yet. He felt like he couldn’t move his feet. He emptily stroked himself and found his mind wandering to Phil again. This time, instead of being able to envision the older boy touching him like he usually did, he saw the older boy’s face after that kiss, only wanting a little more from the person he loved. It made Dan feel a little sick. His sickness however didn’t solve the problem he was having and he tilted his head back in frustration. Trying again, he stroked himself slowly, attempting to think about the boy on the other side of the door, touching him, kissing him, licking him - but each thought was interrupted by the horrible sense of guilt that flooded his insides.

This was not going to work.

Clearly, his brain was somewhere entirely different from his body and this made him sigh with frustration. This was no way to deal with this problem. Here he was, standing with his back against the bathroom door, naked and horny, but too afraid to touch his boyfriend on the other side. How could he be acting so stupid? Phil had been so cooperative with him and his insecurities but Dan had really fudged it this time. Phil didn’t even know how bad it was. Dan wasn’t getting anywhere. No matter how much space Phil gave him, it wasn’t getting him any closer to being comfortable with the fact that he was what he was. He let go of his painfully hard member and watched it bounce a little from it’s own weight. How he would kill to have Phil touch him right now. To give him what he needed so Dan didn’t have to rub his sweaty palms on his already annoyed length.

But that was it, wasn’t it? He was just being dense. Only he was holding himself back. The thought of Phil’s hands on him sent sparks up his brainstem and the realization struck him like a lightening bolt. He didn’t want to resist Phil. He didn’t want time to adjust. He wanted Phil so bad, there was nothing that could make the urge lessen. He needed Phil, now.

Scrambling to wrap the towel around his waist again, to the dismay of his swollen cock, he turned off the shower and took a long breath before opening the bathroom door. He hadn’t been in there more than three minutes tops, but Phil had already migrated back to the chair at the desk and was sporting his headphones. The cold air from the room hit Dan’s bare chest and didn’t help his already shaky breathing. He clutched the towel where it bunched, hiding his hard-on and started walking towards the other boy who could definitely not hear him coming. When he got close enough to Phil, his reflection in the screen tipped off the older boy and he turned around in his chair. He didn’t bother to take off his headphones but he was clearly surprised to see Dan standing there in nothing but a towel. Dan’s hair wasn’t even wet so Phil’s brow furrowed when he realized that the younger boy hadn’t even showered.

“Did you even shower?” Phil asked, finally reaching up and removing the headphones from his ears. He was obviously attempting not to look at Dan’s nearly naked body, staring right into Dan’s eyes and most likely afraid of pushing Dan in a direction he didn’t want to go. Dan recognized this and he just appreciated Phil all over again. He was always so sensitive to Dan’s needs. But this time, Phil had no idea what Dan was thinking. Dan could see the confusion in Phil’s eyes and possibly the smallest tint of longing. Dan had been acting really strange recently and Dan was determined to fix that right then and there.

Instead of responding to Phil’s question, he leaned over slowly in an effort not to disturb the rock solid object between his legs and he kissed the now extremely shocked boy. Dan hadn’t actively kissed Phil in three days and to Dan’s horror, this time Phil backed away. His eyes were filled with hesitation. He had picked up on Dan’s abstinence and now looked terribly concerned.

“Dan, I-”

There was no time to explain. Dan only leaned in further and locked lips with Phil once more, hoping this time he would understand. He clutched the towel around his waist, feeling the fabric squeak as his fingernails dug into the material. He wasn’t holding back. Tongue far in Phil’s mouth, he couldn’t help but moan slightly when their kiss lasted longer than ten seconds. He missed this. He missed this so much. But it wasn’t enough.

Trying to gain back all of the time he had lost _not_ touching Phil, he broke away briefly and before he let the dazed boy in front of him speak, he grabbed Phil’s arm and pulled him from the chair. Basically throwing him onto the green and blue duvet, careful not to remove the towel from hugging his nether region, he climbed on top of the fully clothed boy and connected their lips again. This time is was Phil who grunted a little, totally blindsided by the endeavor.

“Dan-” Phil muttered in-between open mouth kisses. “What are you-”

Dan wouldn’t let him finish. He was getting high on the feeling. The friction at his waistline was driving him crazy and it felt better than anything he could do with his own hands. His bare chest was being teased by the fabric of Phil’s shirt, pulling up and revealing the other boy’s tummy. Their navels were touching and that was what brought Dan tumbling down from sensibility. He let go of the wad of towel he was holding and brought his hand to the opening of Phil’s shirt, sliding his hand up to Phil’s pectoral. Scratching lightly at the skin above his boyfriend’s nipple he completely ignored the quickly loosening fabric that was being shifted with every hip movement he made. Phil’s eyes were wide open. So much had happened in barely any time but when Dan started unconsciously grinding himself on Phil’s thigh, Phil lost it. He lifted his head to inspect what was going on. Dan didn’t break his lips from Phil however, he just took the opportunity to travel his kisses down Phil’s now fully exposed neck. He knew how sensitive his own neck was and hoped that Phil would get the same feeling as he did when someone gave attention to it.

At this point, Dan’s towel had fallen askew and Dan’s rear was completely unobstructed. Phil could see this and when his head landed back on the pillow, he stared up at the ceiling in shock. Dan licked a little behind Phil’s earlobe and Phil’s hands couldn’t both stay around Dan’s bare back any longer. Leaving one hand against Dan’s scapula, he could feel Phil’s hand as it slid slowly down the arch of his back and then reached Dan’s rear end. He jumped when the older boy made his hand comfortable with a little squeeze and a breathy moan.

Dan’s hip movements just picked up the pace and soon the towel was only bunched in the area that counted. The rest of his body was revealed. Dan returned his kissing to Phil’s mouth and he smiled a little against the older boy’s lips. Phil nipped a little at Dan’s lip which made Dan’s cock twitch under the towel. He had almost forgot how desperate he was for Phil to touch him there and that was when it happened. Both boys heard the subtle sound of dense fabric hitting the ground and like clockwork, they froze. Phil’s elevated breathing was the only thing that Dan could hear, their faces so close that he could taste the warmth of his boyfriend’s breath.

“Dan,” Phil mustered the courage to speak. Dan’s cock was now right between Phil’s legs, dangerously close to where Phil’s lied under his jeans. Dan felt it throbbing against Phil’s thigh and there was no way that Phil didn’t notice. But Phil was out of words. Seeming shocked that Dan had allowed him time to speak, his throat seemed to cease.

“Phil,” Dan said with a dark and desiring voice. He had no idea where that came from but he didn’t want to waste the opportunity to use it. “I want you to touch me.”

Phil’s eyes, wide enough as is, got wider. He clearly hadn’t expected those words to leave Dan’s mouth, let alone react in a manner that was appropriate. He remained frozen as Dan waited for him to make the next move. His hips were still moving but just barely. Enough to give his cock some form of stimulation in an effort to satisfy the pain.

When Phil seemed entirely incapable of doing anything at all, Dan reached up and grabbed the hand that was pressing into his shoulder. Phil watched as he laced their fingers together briefly and brought the appendage down to Dan’s thigh. He squeezed Phil’s hand in an effort to reassure him, then placed his hand palm-down on his hip, right above his happy trail. Phil looked dumbfounded.

“Please Phil,” Dan said quietly in his now extremely needy voice.

This seemed to be the kickstart that Phil needed because suddenly his heart rate spiked against Dan’s palm that still lied loosely within the chest hair above Phil’s heart. Phil’s fingers twitched before slowly sliding his hand closer to Dan’s member, resting happily in-between Phil’s thighs. Dan lifted himself slightly so that Phil could access him and Dan held his breath in anticipation.

Dan’s moment of clarity ruptured through him when he felt Phil’s soft fingers make contact with his sensitive and throbbing skin. His cock pulsed when he felt Phil’s hand wrap around it. Dan knew he was already leaking pre-cum onto the older boy’s hand which he would worry about later. He hoped Phil understood. When Phil finally gripped his member, Dan whined. He gave Phil the reaction he must have been looking for because Phil smiled and closed his eyes.

“Oh Dan...” he breathed, tracing his thumb up and down Dan’s shaft lightly.

Dan closed his eyes and connected his lips once again with the older boy who looked like he had reached euphoria. Dan released a breathy giggle that was interrupted by Phil beginning to stroke his cock. God did it feel good. He closed his own eyes taking in the feeling of another person’s hand on him in this manner. He didn’t even care that his arm was starting to ache from holding himself up.

Phil cared though. Phil could tell that Dan wasn’t comfortable so he decided to do something about it. While continuing his slow stroking, he shifted Dan over so he was lying on his back, Phil breaking their kiss and starting to trail his own kisses down Dan’s neck. Dan’s cock twitched in Phil’s hand when he started sucking a hickey onto his collar. Dan’s moan was loud and Dan moved his hands to grip the sheets below him.

Phil continued his kissing down Dan’s chest and towards his belly button. Dan had never been touched there before and the wet trail Phil was leaving with his tongue made him shiver, leaving his hairs standing on end.

At this point, Dan wasn’t capable of opening his eyes. He had crossed over to a world of pleasure, his senses overloaded. He even thought he tasted blood in his mouth, a taste so rich he couldn’t describe. Phil was now stroking him faster, his hip was thrusting up towards Phil’s hand that gripped him so perfectly. It took Dan another minute to realize that not only was Phil’s hand wrapped tightly around his cock, Phil’s face was dangerously close to it as well. He only realized this when he suddenly felt the kisses stop and a tickling breath on the tip of his length. Dan was about to open his eyes when-

Phil’s tongue made contact with the tip of Dan’s cock and his eyes rolled back into his head. Was Phil really doing this right now? He couldn’t believe it. His throat released a sound he wasn’t sure he was even capable of. A whimper that made Phil chuckle. Phil knew exactly what he was doing.

Dan reached up and grabbed the back of Phil’s head with his right hand, tangling it within the raven colored hair. Phil’s tongue didn’t stop at the tip though, it worked it’s way down his shaft and back up again. Phil’s wet warmth was something completely foreign to Dan. Something he only ever heard about. It wasn’t until Phil broke from his cock that he opened his eyes and looked down. Phil was lying between his legs with his head above Dan’s own cock and grinning immensely. He made eye contact and then sank himself down on Dan’s throbbing flesh. This was a scene straight out of one of his wet dreams. He had to hold himself back from coming right then and there. Phil moaned and it vibrated the sensitive skin within Phil’s mouth. Dan threw his head back and Phil went to town. He bobbed up and down Dan’s length, dropping his hand down and over to Dan’s inner thigh. He scratched lightly at the skin there while he sucked Dan’s cock with expert level ability. Dan’s hand squeezed at the nape of Phil’s neck without control.

He could feel the hot pool of pleasure building in his abdomen. He was so close to a climax that he had never experienced before. Something on a separate plane altogether.

“Phil-” he gasped for air, his throat being taken over by his own moans. “Phil, I’m gonna-”

Phil didn’t stop. He kept going. Swallowing Dan’s length and sliding it back up with graceful skill that Dan couldn’t believe was actually happening to him. He was getting closer and closer and Phil wasn’t changing pace.

“Ph-” Dan couldn’t even form the syllable he needed to warn Phil it was happening. The ropes that had tied themselves in his stomach pulled tighter and he bucked up into Phil’s deep throat. His body convulsed and he let out a moan that put his shower belt to shame. He grasped at Phil’s hair and everything went white. Dan came in ripples down Phil’s throat. He couldn’t see his boyfriend’s face but he felt Phil work him through his orgasm slowly, swallowing every drop of his ecstasy. Dan must have been orgasming for a while, the warmth of Phil’s mouth hindered his ability to tell when the white liquid stopped flowing. He lied there, barely able to catch his breath until he felt Phil release him, his cock falling flaccid against his semi-sticky skin. He could feel his tummy rising and falling with each staggered breath, the fingers of his left hand sufficiently clasping the sheets beneath him.

He heard Phil lick his lips and then reach down and grab the towel that had fallen to the side of the bed, gently resting it on top of Dan’s now highly sensitive crotch. Dan’s eyes remained shut as he felt Phil crawl up his body and lie next to him while he panted. Phil draped his arm over Dan’s chest and started to rub the skin his hand landed on, then he tucked his head into Dan’s neck and let out a long and warm breath against his collarbone.

All feelings of insecurity were gone. Everything was replaced with a feeling of buzzing bliss. His feelings of hesitation seemed so minuscule now. He could think of nothing but how incredible that feeling of pleasure turned out to be.

“Holy Shit,” Dan muttered. He thought he said it in his head however he couldn’t be bothered to stop the words when they reached his lips. He was spent. Every muscle in his body had tensed and released about a hundred times. He felt like he had just run a marathon. Phil was lightly tracing his fingers on Dan’s bicep and he didn’t say a word. “You...”

“Me,” Phil responded, chuckling a little.

“You are...” Dan turned to finally look at the blue eyes that were admiring him. “Amazing.”

“That’s what they call me,” Phil replied, kissing Dan’s tender neck.

Dan was so close to Phil that he could feel Phil’s body frame his own. He could feel Phil’s crotch up against his leg and Dan bit his lip when he realized that Phil was still very much turned on. He hesitated for a moment as he tried to articulate his concern.

“Do you need me to...” the truth was, he was terrified because he had never touched another man’s dick before, let alone taken care of one. In an effort to sound polite and possibly break his comfort zone, he asked anyway. “...take care of you too?”

Phil’s light hearted laugh comforted him while Phil shook his head.

“No, Dan. Please. Let’s let this one be about you,” Phil seemed amused by Dan’s offer. “We’ll save that for when you’re ready.”

“Okay...” Dan said skeptically. He felt bad but Phil was a big boy. He could take care of himself and if Phil insisted that it was okay, then he would let it go for now. Dan shifted himself closer into Phil’s embrace and hummed softly. “I can’t believe we just did that.”

“Did what?” Phil laughed, clearly not as dazed as Dan was.

“You just sucked my dick,” Dan stated, his mind completely blown.

“And what a fine dick it was,” Phil teased.

“Shut up!” Dan playfully shoved him. “That was a big deal.”

“I know, I know,” Phil said lovingly. “I’m very proud of you, Bear.”

Dan smiled at the nickname that he was starting to adore Phil using. It made him feel at home. Phil reached down and grabbed the blanket, pulling it over the two of them after noticing that Dan was shivering. He was pretty much as good as naked.

“You know, Dan...” Phil started with a foretelling grin. “I should be scolding you right now.”

“Whatever for?” Dan jumped back and glared at the boy beside him who wore a playfully accusatory face.

“You’re a little tease, you know that?”

“Am not!”

“Am too!” Phil poked Dan in the nose. “You blue-balled me for days, then sprang this on me out of nowhere. What happened to your shower? I thought you were gonna go take care of your little problem in there.”

So he did notice.

“I...” Dan sighed and nodded. “Okay. I know. I’m terrible.”

“What was that all about, Dan?” Phil asked in the least threatening way possible. He sounded slightly concerned and his guard was down, making Dan feel safe enough to explain.

“I guess that guy at the party got me all out of whack. I thought I needed more time but I sort of figured out that I wasn’t ever going to be ready unless I just...went for it,” Dan admitted. Phil kissed his forehead and held back a small smile.

“Well I could have told you that.”

“I _know_. I was being stupid.”

“That’s okay. As long as you’re alright now,” Phil slid his hand up Dan’s arm and to the side of his face. “I love you so much, Dan.”

Dan smiled back, flinching less at the word now than he used to. He still couldn’t say it back, knowing that he wasn’t there yet. But Phil was staring into his brown eyes with the softest of blues telling him that he cared deeply about him. That was everything Dan wanted right then.

“But seriously. Stop blue-balling me,” Phil bonked the top of Dan’s head with his own.

“Okay, okay. I’m sorry,” Dan looked up at Phil with doe eyes that he knew Phil couldn’t resist.

“God you’re cute,” Phil sighed and pulled the younger in for a hug as Dan released a silent yawn. Dan was getting quite sleepy. The orgasm had drained him of all his energy and he was entirely ready to take a nap right there in his boyfriend’s arms. “You know what else is cute?”

“Hm?”

“Your face when you come.”

Dan shook his head and lightly shoved at Phil’s chest with the palms of his weak hands.

“Shut up.”


	22. Chapter 22

“Okay...phone - check, camera -check, backpack - check, trusty companion -” Phil looked at Dan with expecting eyes and Dan’s eyes widened.

“Oh! Uhh...check!” he answered Phil, holding his own bags and laughing a little.

“Ready to go then?”

“Yes Sir!”

Dan and Phil were headed to Phil’s home once again for the weekend. It was 11:00am on a Friday morning and Phil had just come back from his only class. Luckily Dan didn’t have classes on Fridays, the only lucky thing about his freshman schedule really. Phil’s mum was hosting dinner at their home for her birthday and Dan was very pleased to have been invited. Aside from the paper that he was supposed to be writing, he was ready to be back at the Lester household.

They managed to get onto the train and when they finally sat down and got themselves settled, Dan looked up from his lap to discover the blue eyed boy staring at him with a complacent smile.

“What do you want?” Dan asked, trying not to look too happy.

“Nothing,” Phil nibbled on his lower lip. “I just wanted to know if you were excited to meet the Lesters.”

Dan gulped. He had been mentally preparing for this since he decided to go Wednesday afternoon. He was recently informed that not only were Phil’s parents going to be there, Phil’s brother and his girlfriend were also coming. However, they were only staying one night and the house was going to be theirs by Saturday morning. This eased Dan’s jitters but he was still a tad bit nervous.

“Does your family know that we’re...?”

“Only if you want them to know,” Phil pat Dan’s hand comfortingly. “I haven’t told them yet. But I’ll warn you. They know me and I can’t lie around them. They’ll see right through it.”

“Oh..” Dan looked at his lap. “It might just be easier to go with the truth then.”

“Yeah maybe,” Phil leaned back and relaxed in his seat as the train started to move. “But it’s up to you.”

Dan leaned back as well and closed his eyes. He thought about his options. On the one hand, he could just go with the role of best friend and risk Phil’s family outing them at the dinner table yet saving him the pressure of being introduced as a boyfriend...but on the other hand, he could come out right away, get a feel for what it’s like to be openly dating Phil but then get judged as a boyfriend would. He didn’t know which was worse.

“What’s your brother like?” Dan opened his eyes and asked Phil, gaining perspective as much as he can.

“Martyn’s great. He’s the older brother everyone dreams of having,” Phil flashed a cheesy grin. He loved his family very much. It was evident in the way that he talked about them. “He likes to tease me though. Beware, you’re an extension of me. You’ll be getting teased too.”

“Oh joy,” Dan rolled his eyes. The Lesters seemed like a friendly bunch. His family was nothing like that. “Just what I needed. More teasing.”

“Well he’ll only tease you if he likes you,” Phil clarified. “If he doesn’t like you, then he’ll leave you alone. It’s kinda how our family operates.”

“Good to know.”

“Yeah. But Cornelia, his girlfriend, is super sweet. She couldn’t insult a fly,” Phil added.

“ _Hurt_ a fly?”

“No, _insult_ a fly. She could probably hurt one if she got annoyed enough,” Phil nodded and laughed. “But just don’t be a fly and you’ll be fine.”

“Okay...” Dan rolled his eyes. “Thanks for the solid advice.”

“They’ll like you just fine!” Phil insisted, giving the younger a reassuring smile.

Dan closed his eyes again and leaned his head against the back of the seat. He decided he wouldn’t worry too much about it because he knew if he thought too hard about it all, he would just end up more scared than he already was. He stopped their conversation with a long breath that he hoped would relax him. He felt the train moving beneath him and brought his mind back to the other day when he was wrapped in Phil’s arms. He still remembered very clearly how wonderful Phil’s hands felt on him. He could still feel the older boy’s breathing on his neck when he thought about the moment right before he fell asleep. He also remembered waking up and climbing out of Phil’s limp arms, having to pick the towel up off of the ground and shuffle over to the shower to rinse off the scent of Phil. Only to crawl back into his boyfriend’s arms when he was clean and dressed. The surreal feeling of intimacy flooded him all over again when he thought of how Phil kissed him awake only thirty minutes afterward to ask if he wanted to go get pancakes for dinner. That night ended with the two of them scarfing down their favorite fluffy American food and each falling asleep with smiles on their faces.

Just letting his mind wander to this wonderful memory from a few days back helped him relax. He began to feel his mind slipping into unconsciousness and he welcomed the little bit of rest he could manage before being thrown into the Lester household. Phil was the best thing that has ever happened to him, why wouldn’t his family be just the same?

 

-

 

Dan was awoken by the voice over the intercom announcing their stop had arrived. Both boys were groggy when they gathered their things and stepped from the train to the station. Flagging down a cab and working their way to the house was a process that brought back the reality of it all. Dan asked Phil why his parents didn’t just pick him up from the station but Phil told him that he didn’t want his parents to bother and it’s not like it was much trouble anyway. Dan didn’t argue with that, lacing his fingers into Phil’s while they sat in the back of the cab. Dan knew that Phil noticed how sweaty his palms were, turning and giving him a warm smile.

“I’m so glad you’ve come along,” Phil spoke. Dan figured he only said it to make Dan calm down, but it worked nonetheless and he squeezed the older boy’s hand in appreciation.

When they arrived at Phil’s house, Dan immediately felt better. The familiar residence was home to many of the memories floating around in Dan’s head at that moment. Phil’s house would always be the center of all of Dan’s revelations and just the sight of the place triggered a smile.

“Dan?” Phil was standing outside of the car, holding the door open for him. Dan was too lost in his own head to notice that he had been staring at the house for a while, taking in the sight of the trees and plants out front. Phil had taken all their bags from the cab and was only waiting for Dan to climb out.

“Sorry,” Dan shook himself from his own thoughts and stepped out of the car, grabbing his bags from Phil who was giving him a knowing smile. Of course this was Phil’s house so it probably had a totally different and deeper meaning to Phil, but Dan liked to think that maybe Phil also felt the pang of nostalgia when thinking about reentering the premise.

“You ready, Dan?” Phil asked when they reached the door. He obviously wasn’t asking Dan for real because his knuckles hit the door almost immediately after he spoke. Dan was sure that he could have just entered but leave it to Phil to make things formal.

A few seconds of silence followed, then the door opened wide.

“Phil!” Dan watched as the woman with short brown hair wasted no time, pulling the black haired boy into her arms. She hugged him tight with joyful laughter and it seemed like minutes before she realized little Dan standing behind him. “Oh, and you must be Daniel!”

Before he could even stick his hand out to shake it, the woman was grabbing him too and pulling him in for a hug. The first thing Dan noticed was how good she smelled. Like vanilla cookies and maybe Basil? He could see Phil’s gleam from over the woman’s shoulder.

“Nice to meet you, Mrs. Lester,” Dan said when she let go of him. “Thanks for having me.”

“Oh no no. The pleasure is mine! Why don’t you boys come in and put your bags down? You’re probably awfully tired from your trip,” she turned and made her way into the hallway, dragging her son along with her. It was crazy to see the two next to each other. Dan had seen photos of them together and knew that the women looked a lot like him but seeing them side by side really proved their relation. She had his eyes and it only made her seem friendlier.

“Happy Birthday Mum,” Phil said as he pulled a little orange bag and a card from his backpack and handed it to her.

“Oh, Phil, you didn’t have to do that!” she grabbed the goodies and gave her son a kiss on the cheek. “I’ll open these later. Come on now, everyone's in the sitting room.”

Her northern accent was strong unlike Phil’s. Being at University for so long made Phil’s accent lighter. But it suddenly all made sense. Sometimes when Phil was talking really quickly or when he got excited about something, he would slip into this dialect. It was nice to know where it came from.

The boys followed her into the sitting room that Dan was happy to remember. Those nights on the couch coming back to him. Drinking wine, watching Kill Bill. His smile didn’t even fade when he walked in to see three more people sitting on and around the couch that Dan had grown to love.

“Phil!” Another squeal came from the other woman in the room. Her hair was short and a stunning shade of bright red. She stood from the couch, leaving a young man that Dan could only assume was Phil’s brother, and went to hug the younger Lester. “How are you, Sweetie?”

“I’m well. How are you?” Phil asked into her hair. She was much shorter than Phil, but who wasn’t?

“Who is your friend here?” The girl’s attention shifted to Dan and she stuck her hand out for a shake.

“This is Dan,” Phil gestured towards him and Dan took the girl’s hand in a shake.

“It’s very nice to meet you, Dan,” her voice was so smooth and her smile was welcoming. “I’m Cornelia.”

“Dan, this is my brother Martyn...” Phil pointed to the young man sitting on the couch who gave a little wave but didn’t bother getting up. The boy looked like a carbon copy of Phil. He had lighter hair and his eyebrows were much more intense, but they shared a nose and their mouths were very close in shape. Dan knew that Phil’s brother was older than him but they looked like they could have been the same age. “And this is my Dad.”

Dan turned his attention to the older man sitting in the chair next to the couch. He was doing a crossword and he looked up momentarily to acknowledge the younger boy with a nod. Dan smiled as he waved at him, mostly as a formality, but also because he was also the spitting image of Phil. Even the way he sat doing crosswords reminded Dan of the last day they spent in this house which seemed like only yesterday.

“Oooh, I’m so glad to have everyone here!” Mrs. Lester exclaimed, clapping her hands together and making her bracelets jingle as she did. “Dinner is almost ready. You gentlemen have impeccable timing!”

She wandered into the kitchen to check on everything, putting on a very used yellow apron.

“I was hoping you’d arrive late. That way I could eat all the roast before you got here,” Martyn mumbled. His eyes flicked between Dan and Phil with a raised eyebrow. “But I guess I can share today.”

“How kind of you,” Phil smiled at his brother.

“So Dan. What gives us the honors of meeting you today?” Cornelia asked. She seemed to want nothing to do with Phil and Martyn’s brotherly banter.

“Oh, well Phil wanted company while he watched the house and it seems he doesn’t have any other friends so I said I would come along and make sure he didn’t die or something,” Dan said with a level of sarcasm that shocked even him. Maybe he was trying to impress them? He didn’t know, but he looked up at Phil with a cocky grin and Phil raised his brows.

“Oh right. Because Dan had a _very_ important weekend planned,” Phil fired back with a laugh. “What was it you were doing...? Oh yeah! You were writing a paper.”

“Still am! I’ll just be doing it from the comfort of your home.”

“Not if I kick you out first,” Phil hit the younger boy in the arm lightly with his elbow and Dan chuckled, shaking his head at him with a glare.

“You wouldn’t.”

“Oh I woul-”

“Oh my GOD!” Martyn interrupted loudly. “If you two are going to be flirting the whole time _I’m_ going to kick you both out..”

Dan shut up and his eyes went wide. He heard Mr. Lester offer a small chuckle as he filled in a line with his pen on the crosswords. Cornelia turned to the older Lester brother in disbelief that he would say something like that.

“Could you guys get any more disgusting? How long have you two even been together?” he shot his glance in Phil’s direction. He laughed as he spat sarcasm through his tone. Phil gave Dan a worried glance and then returned it to his brother. “You still in the honeymoon phase or somethin?”

“Actually, Dan and I are just-”

“Almost two months,” Dan said over Phil before he could finish. Even Phil’s father looked up with a raised brow. Martyn definitely looked shocked.

Then something occurred to Dan. This was what Phil had been talking about. The teasing. Martyn wasn’t being serious just then. In fact, it was very possible that he was only joking in order to get under Phil’s skin. Whoops. He turned to Phil who looked entirely impressed and he was biting his lip to hold back a clear proud smile.

“Oh...well,” Martyn nodded slowly and returned his gaze to his lap where he held his phone. “Congrats then.”

There was an awkward silence but it was soon broken by Phil’s mum entering the room with her oven mitts still over her hands.

“Dinner is ready! Dan? Phil? Could you help me set the table, please?” she asked, giving the boys a way out. Phil was quick to go to his mother’s side and grab the plates sitting on the counter. Dan followed suit and grabbed the forks. They walked into the dining room that they never touched when they were at the house for break and started to set it.

“Wow, Dan. I thought the plan was _not_ to tell everyone,” Phil laughed and pat him on the back.

“I’m sorry, I just...”

“No, it’s okay. I’m glad you did it, honestly,” Phil smiled and leaned forward, kissing Dan’s cheek. “Now we don’t have to try so hard to hide it.”

Dan nodded and swallowed his fear. It honestly hadn’t been that bad. Phil’s family didn’t seem to care in the slightest. Dan remembered once again that this isn’t the first boyfriend Phil had brought home. This made him feel simultaneously better and worse. He was glad that he wasn’t the first boy, but he was worried that he wasn’t going to be good enough to be the last.

They finished setting the table and soon they were all sitting around it with a glass of wine in the air.

“To Mum! For making it around the sun once more!” Phil toasted, everyone clinking glasses and giving Mrs. Lester a smile. She seemed to be glowing. “To be exact, 584,337,600 miles!”

Everyone seemed very used to Phil’s fun facts, not questioning how he knew that number off the top of his head. The family dug into the fabulous meal that Phil’s mum obviously spent a lot of time on. She had cooked a traditional Sunday roast that Phil kept saying “was just as good as he remembered”. There was stuffing, potatoes and a huge pot of gravy. Everything was delicious. Dan hadn’t had a meal like that in a long time so he took it all in as slow as possible.

“A little birdie told me that someone else’s birthday is coming up,” Phil’s mum sang, looking in Dan’s direction. Dan looked at Phil who just smiled and looked down, then he looked back at Mrs. Lester.

“Yeah, I turn 19 in June,” Dan replied.

“ _Wow_! You’re a baby!” Martyn laughed. “Phil’s a perv.”

“ _Martyn_!” Phil’s mum glared at the older Lester. “Language.”

“Martyn, you do realize that I am a full _seven_ years older than you are,” Cornelia giggled, shoving her boyfriend. “That makes me a perv.”

Everyone laughed.

“Wait, she doesn’t get told to watch _her_ language?” Martyn dropped his fork and crossed his arms. “I sense a bias here.”

“What do you want for your birthday, Dan?” Phil’s mum completely ignored her pouting son and smiled in Dan’s direction. Dan thought for a moment but couldn’t come up with anything. He never knew the answer to that question. He wasn’t really a big birthday person in the first place but saying that at a birthday dinner might be considered a crime in the Lester household so he just shook his head and shrugged.

“I don’t know. I already have everything I want,” he accidentally glanced at Phil as he said it and immediately regretted it when he heard the _aww_ coming from the ladies in the room. His face went red and Phil reached under the table to pat his leg.

“Well Phil, there you go, you found a significant other that you don’t have to spend money on,” Martyn mumbled as he glared at Cornelia with a smirk. “You lucky duck.”

She hit him lightly in the shoulder and glared back.

“Has he got you a _Valentines stone_ yet, Dan?” Phil’s father spoke up for what seemed like the first time.

“Dad no! Why did you have to bring that up?” Phil put his face in the palms of his hands. Dan was intrigued. If there was any advantage to meeting Phil’s family, it was hearing the embarrassing stories of Phil’s childhood. The ones that Phil wouldn’t tell him on his own time.

“No, he hasn’t. What is a _Valentines stone_?” Dan smiled at Mr. Lester with anticipation.

“Well, when Phil was young-”

“Three!” Phil jumped in to clarify. “I was three!”

“Hush Phil. Let Dad tell the story,” Martyn grinned mischievously.

“Phil used to give his grandma presents he called _Valentines stones_ that he collected on the beach when we went on holiday,” he was laughing quite hard at this point and Dan didn’t get the joke.

“That sounds pretty sweet to me...” Dan glanced around at everyone snickering.

“Yeah, not really...” Martyn scoffed. Phil’s face had now gone completely red and he was covering as much of it as he could with his hands.

“Thing is, they weren’t really stones at all,” Mr. Lester continued. “They were pieces of dried up dog poop.”

Dan’s mouth dropped open and he glanced at Phil who he swore was about to die of embarrassment.

“Dad _why_?” Phil muttered.

“Well Mr. Lester, I can’t say he’s brought me any _Valentines stones_ , but I’ll be sure to be on the lookout,” Dan’s grin was now spread across his face laughing as the words left his mouth. He turned to Phil and rubbed his boyfriend’s back.

“You’re birthday is coming up. Why don’t you wish for one of those?” Martyn added and Dan just shook his head.

“I just might.”

The rest of supper went exactly like this. Phil’s family going back and forth between stories, most of them directed at Dan’s ears but in the end, it was more about who could remember the most from their past. It was extremely entertaining, Dan didn’t need to say anything at all. He happily picked at his dinner and listened to the way Phil’s family interacted. As overwhelming as it was, he finally seemed to get a grasp on the family dynamic. He understood now what Phil meant about his brother who came off as a little abrasive at first but it seemed that most of his remarks came from a place of love, not hate. Dan also got the vibe that his brother would do anything that he could to protect his family. He was the only one that could treat them the way that he did.

Phil’s parents headed off to bed after they shared some cake and Mrs. Lester opened up her gifts. Phil had made her a homemade card that explained the glitter he had been finding throughout their room the last couple days. It was accompanied by a little silver bracelet with gems that matched his mother’s eyes. Dan was impressed by Phil’s gift giving abilities and since they brought it up at dinner, he was curious to see what Phil came up with for him. He never really had someone to buy him gifts, other than is family. They always stuck with the more practical gifts - socks, underwear, jumpers.

Soon, it was just the four of them in the sitting room, quietly digesting the food they had scarfed down.

“So...does anyone want to play a board game?” Cornelia asked.

“Oooh, how about Jenga?” Martyn suggested as he rubbed his hands together, assuming they weren’t aware of the version the Lesters owned.

“No!” both boys exclaimed, quickly rejecting that idea immediately. Martyn looked suspicious but he luckily just dropped it and shrugged without asking the two any more questions. Dan was not up for another life changing game of Jenga. Not here, not again.

“Okay...well what do you boys want to do then?” Cornelia pestered. “It’s only 9:30, I’m not letting us tucker out just yet.”

“We could make s’mores? I saw Mum bought marshmallows, they’re in a bag on the counter,” Phil suggested. “Plus, we never use the fire pit out back.”

“You mean those American camping snacks?” Martyn grimaced. “Why would we make those?”

“Fire pit?” Dan wasn’t aware of this household feature.

“Yeah, come on, I’ll show you!” Ignoring his brother's sass, Phil stood up, grabbing Dan’s hand and they walked to the back door of the house. He flicked on the outside light and shoved open the squeaky door. Phil stepped out in his socks, pointing to the little fire pit that sat on a patio surrounded by a few patio chairs. It looked underused and Dan had totally overlooked this when they were here for break. Granted, they hadn’t gone outside much.

Martyn and Cornelia had followed them, apparently agreeing to the activity in lieu of anything else to do. Also, who didn’t like s’mores? The night was clear, but it was dark and noticeably colder than the day.

“Cornelia, will you help me start a fire?” Phil asked.

“Sure thing, Dear,” she gleamed, seeming to enjoy being included. She walked over to the short stack of wood next to the stove.

“Dan, Martyn, will you go set up the s’mores stuff, please?” Phil asked nicely. He made sure to give Dan a look of comfort before continuing his task. Martyn rolled his eyes and nodded.

“Okay fine,” he turned around and started for the kitchen counter. “You comin’, mate?”

Dan snapped to attention and followed the older Lester to the kitchen whereas Phil mentioned, there were bags of supplies.

“Here, unbox these,” Martyn threw a box of graham crackers at Dan and he fumbled to catch it. “Nice catch.”

Dan couldn’t tell if he was being sarcastic or genuine, so he just nodded silently.

“You don’t talk much, do ya?” Martyn was trying to open the chocolate wrapper and struggling quite a lot. “Phil must really like you. Considering he runs his trap more than anyone on this planet.”

Dan wasn’t sure how he was supposed to respond to that so he just focused on opening the box he was handed.

“In fact, you are quite different than anyone he’s brought home before...” the older boy managed to open the wrapper he was struggling with and grunted when it finally tore in half. “How did you guys meet again?”

“I uh...ran into Phil while he was on a walk...” Dan answered, ditching the party story that he usually went for. These people knew Phil better than he did so telling a story that catered to what Phil was doing made more sense anyway. “He offered to help me study for an exam.”

Dan figured he’d throw that in as well, making sure Phil sounded like the good character that Dan knew him to be. He was genuinely lucky.

“Ah, I see. So you were struggling? What subject?” Martyn had stopped opening supplies, apparently now much more interested in what Dan had to say.

“History of law,” Dan stumbled out. “Er- I’m a Law major.”

“Law?” Martyn stepped back. “You? Jeez. Wouldn’t have guessed that.”

“Yeah...” Dan chuckled nervously. He was starting to get used to that response. He reflected on the reaction Phil first gave him.

“But you were failing. So Phil helped you with a law exam?” He was laughing now and Dan wasn’t sure if it was at him or at Phil. Most likely both.

“Yeah, he’s really good at that sort of thing,” Dan admitted, hoping the compliment would put him in good graces with Phil’s brother.

“I know. He’s a smart-ass,” Martyn rolled his eyes but then narrowed them at the younger boy. “Does he help you often?”

“I mean...every now and then he does,” Dan nodded, looking to the floor. “He’s a good study buddy.”

“But you’re...” Martyn stepped a little closer to Dan, much closer than normal chatting distance. When Dan saw his feet step forward he raised his head and met eyes with the man that was now glaring only a few inches from his face. “ _..._ not _using_ Phil to help you pass, right?”

“Of course not, why would I-”

“Because if I found out that you were _using_ my brother...in _any_ sense of the word, I would have to destroy you,” Martyn growled. Dan’s eyes were wide and round. He was sure that he resembled a startled owl. Phil’s brother was no longer being friendly. He was being protective and making sure his little brother was in safe hands. If he wasn’t the one being threatened, Dan might have considered this cute. Suddenly, brief flashbacks to spring break came flooding in, watching Phil talk about Alex and what he had done. The thought made Dan queazy. Phil’s brother probably knew about what Alex had done to him. Maybe not in detail, but knew nonetheless. It gave him a stomach pain just thinking about doing something like that to his sweet Phil. He could never. “Are we clear?”

“Yes Sir,” Dan gulped, hoping he sounded convincing. He had no intentions of using Phil. He would make sure of it.

Another moment went by of Martyn glaring right into his wide open eyes.

“Good,” he finally broke the stare and tussled Dan’s hair, allowing the younger to finally close his eyes and let out the breath he had been holding. “Now come on, let’s bring these things outside.”

Dan fumbled with grabbing the things on the counter, Martyn promptly smirking at him and they carried the things out of the back door. Dan saw Phil and Cornelia sitting by the now lit fire on some patio chairs, laughing about something. Dan didn’t know what it was they were laughing about but Phil looked up at him with the grin still plastered on his face and his heart melted all over again. Phil looked at him with such endearment and it made him blush immediately.

“What took you guys so long?” Phil blinked away from his stare at Dan and redirected it at his brother.

“Oh we were just talking,” Martyn grabbed and squeezed Dan’s shoulder with a lot of force. “I like this one, Phil.”

Phil’s face turned pink but he tried to look away so that it didn’t show. The light from the fire made his cheeks flush anyway and dear God Phil looked beautiful.

“We got some sticks!” Cornelia smiled, holding four spears that would do just fine. Dan handed over the bag of marshmallows to the smiling girl. She placed one on her stick and shoved it into the flame of the pit. The fire licked up and began the toasting process. Dan grabbed his marshmallow and stick, stepping a little closer to the fire pit and shivering a little. It was warmer by the fire but still reasonably cold. The spring air was coldertonight than it usually was and Dan had forgot to pack a jacket. He regretted this deeply as he sat down in his respective chair, jealous of his marshmallow for getting all of the heat.

Phil came over and sat in the chair next to his. Dan was glad he moved closer but it was not close enough for Dan to absorb his boyfriend’s heat. The marshmallow on Phil’s stick caught flame resulting in Phil having to blow it out.

“Careful Phil! You’re going to set the house on fire!” Martyn scolded, probably knowing how clumsy Phil was. Phil only chuckled and put his marshmallow back in for round 2.

“Oh shut up, Martyn. I’d just blame it on you.”

After their marshmallows were cooked to their own perfections, they slid them between some crackers and added chocolate for the perfect s’mores. All anyone could hear was munching, the sound of satisfaction and one lone owl in a tree somewhere. Dan was trying to focus on the warmth of his snack but his fingers had fallen asleep, his chest losing warmth quickly. He had never been known to retain warmth and the night breeze was going right through him.

“Dan, are you okay?” Phil asked him, hands covered in sticky mallow.

“Yeah, yeah, fine,” Dan was clearly not doing a good job at hiding his discomfort. He attempted to stop the shivering so Phil wouldn’t worry. He tried to direct the attention elsewhere.”

“Phil, your hands are covered in chocolate! How did you manage that?” he laughed at his boyfriend who was attempting to lick it all off. He stuck his tongue in-between his pointer finger and middle finger to lap up the chocolate. Dan watched as it peeked out of the other side of his hand. Trying with all of his might, he couldn’t avoid the image of Phil’s tongue on his cock as it had been the other night. He looked down, away from his boyfriend, not wanting that image to stick around. At least he was the slightest bit warmer now...

“Ew, Phil, go wash your hands,” Martyn made a face at his younger brother. Phil sighed and got out of his chair, pushing the door open with his elbow and entering the house. He disappeared from the doorframe and Dan deemed it safe to look up from his lap. He watched at Martyn and Cornelia fed each other marshmallows from each other’s sticks. He was quiet and they must have forgot he was sitting there. Or maybe not, but Dan didn’t mind. He tried his hardest to curl into himself so that his core would warm itself. He was still licking his lips from his delicious snack.

Other than his temperature, he was very comfortable. Phil’s family had a welcoming vibe to them. None of them were putting on any sort of show for their guest, they just carried on as they usually did and welcomed Dan into their home with open arms. Dan’s family wasn’t the same as Phil’s. Not that they didn’t love him, because they did, they just didn’t act like this. Dan had a little brother who was only nine and two very young parents who were affectionate towards them in different ways. He was extremely close with his grandmother however, who had always been kind and gentle, listening to him when he needed it. His parents pushed him to go get an education, even though he considered taking a year off. They told him that he needed to “experience life on his own to be successful and become an adult”.

Here at Phil’s house, as he watched Phil’s brother, it only made the difference in their families more evident. He wished that he and his brother got along more, wondering what it would be like if his family were like this.

Interrupting his train of thought, he saw Phil approach the door and step outside in his socks once more. His hands were not only clean, but holding a checkered blue sweatshirt. He sat back down in his chair and tossed the sweatshirt over to Dan, looking at him with caring eyes, then averting his attention back to his brother who was now asking him about school. Dan looked at the sweatshirt that now lied in his lap and half smiled. His freezing body climbed into the sweatshirt that was only slightly too big on him and he zipped it up in the front. He wasn’t even exaggerating when he decided that it was the most comfortable thing he’s ever worn. Not just that, it smelled like Phil.

After about fifteen more minutes of chatting and some elderly brother advice, Martyn and Cornelia decided that it was time for them to retire.

“If you excuse us, now we have to go sleep on an air mattress in my old bedroom,” he snarked at Phil. “Not letting your older brother have your bedroom, how disrespectful.”

“Hey, if I recall, you were the one that wanted to move all your furniture to your new place instead of buying new stuff.”

“Yeah fine whatever, you boys can have all the sex you want now,” Martyn winked in Dan’s direction which threw him off and he almost choked on his own breathing.

“Martyn!” Cornelia did her best to keep her boyfriend from stepping out of line but it was obvious he was not going to be stopped. Phil didn’t fight it though, he just laughed it off and hugged them goodnight. Both of them walked over to Dan who shook both of their hands, assuming they would be long gone before the two boys woke the next morning.

“It was nice to meet you, Dan. I hope you come around more often, yeah?” Cornelia said with the same sweet voice she had used all night, then walked back over to Phil to talk to him. Martyn walked over, shook Dan’s hand and leaned over.

“I meant what I said. Be good to Phil. Or I’ll make sure you regret it,” he gave Dan a half smile, the most sentimental Dan had seen him all night and then walked inside. Phil followed them inside for a moment, exchanging some last minute words and goodbyes, then went back out to where Dan was sitting alone.

“Scoot over,” Phil commanded the younger boy who looked startled when Phil spoke. He interrupted the quiet of the night and the crackling of the fire that was slowly dwindling in the fire pit. Dan looked down at the patio chair that was clearly meant for only one and a half people. He did his best though and Phil plopped down, half on Dan’s lap. “We have to wait until the fire goes out a little more before we can go to sleep. You don’t mind waiting with me, do you?”

“Of course not,” Dan wrapped his arms around the older boy who was now nestling into him.

“And thanks for hanging out with my family today. I know they can be a little bit much sometimes,” Phil placed a small kiss on Dan’s cheek.

“That’s okay. I really like your family,” Dan told him, watching as Phil’s face lit up with excitement. Dan knew he wanted to hear that.

“They are pretty great...” he said proudly. “They seem to really like you.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Phil went to grab Dan’s hand but the older boy’s sweatshirt was covering his palms giving him what Phil liked to call his _sweater paws._ “That jacket really suits you.”

Dan blushed, happy that Phil couldn’t see his face from behind.

“Oh yeah...thanks for grabbing that for me.”

“Well, I wasn’t going to let you shiver. Not with all my warm jackets just sitting in the closet upstairs,” Phil laughed. “I’m glad you’re warm now.”

He kissed the younger boy again, this time on the nose, then leaned his head back into the crevice of Dan’s neck.

“Hey, Dan?”

“Hm?” Dan was watching the smoke from the fire dance as it left the little pit by their feet. He was much warmer now that Phil had gone and sat on him.

“What’s your family like?”

Dan actually saw this question coming. He wasn’t exactly expecting it right then, but he knew that Phil was going to ask eventually. It was inevitable. After all, Dan didn’t go to his own home for Spring Break, he didn’t call home very often and he rarely ever talked about them. It actually surprised Dan that it took Phil this long to ask in the first place, considering the boy was king of asking questions.

“I don’t know. We’re just a normal family I guess,” Dan answered. Phil could probably feel how tense his body language was right then. He wasn’t exactly open about this subject. Never mind that he was thinking about it all day long. “Definitely not like your family.”

“How so?” Phil wasn’t going to let him stop there.

“Well. To start, my brother is really young so I don’t really know him,” Dan spoke slowly, trying to be sensitive. The way he spoke of his family mattered to him. “We surely aren't as close as you and your brother are.”

“And your parents?”

“Well my parents are really nice people but they think education and success is really important so they’re the reason I...” he trailed off and fidgeted with the sweater’s sleeve. “You know. Law.”

Phil’s silence remained as he thought over the information. Dan could tell that he was putting two and two together.

“That’s alright though. I’ll go home and catch up with them during summer,” he told Phil, almost a sad tone in his words. If he was being honest, he’d rather stay with the Lesters. But he knew that wasn’t plausible. He knew that his family would like to see him, ask him how his year went, talk about his future. All good things he supposed, if only he felt passionate about any of it. If only he knew what he wanted to do. The only thing he felt passionate about right now was Phil and unfortunately that wasn’t a major they offered at the University of Manchester - nor was it something he could pursue a career in.

The dying fire in front of them cracked and filled the silence that lied between them. Dan knew Phil well enough now that he could tell that the elder was trying not to pry. It was almost like a reward for Dan’s decision to share so much of his personal life. Phil had picked up on Dan’s terrible habits, one of which was his ability to run away when bombarded with questions.

“But really, thanks for letting me tag along,” he rubbed Phil’s arm with his paw. He was truly grateful that Phil wanted to share his family with him. Plus, they had the whole weekend to themselves once again in Phil’s perfect childhood home. What more could Dan ask for?

“You know you’re always welcome,” Phil gleamed, clearly happy that Dan was enjoying himself, his pride for his family showing through his teeth.

They sat in silence for a while, listening to the sounds of the night around them and watching the fire that was almost out now. It had depleted to a point where they couldn’t see it and Phil stood up carefully, pouring some water on it to make sure it was totally out. The fire hissed as the water brought it’s life to an end and soon Phil was reaching out for Dan’s hand in an effort to guide him inside.

“You ready for bed?”

Dan simply nodded and stood up. This was when the largeness of the sweatshirt was really showcased. His arms were completely consumed by the article of clothing but he couldn’t care less. He just shoved the sleeves up a little and then followed his Lester inside. They tiptoed their way up to Phil’s room in an effort not to wake up his whole family who were now sharing the top floor with them. Phil gently closed them into his room and locked the door, mostly to avoid an intrusion in the morning from his brother as he explained to Dan moments after.

Phil stripped to his underwear, Dan not flinching anymore. He had become much more comfortable with seeing his boyfriend’s body. Dan shed his jeans but he didn’t want to take off the sweatshirt. It was far too comfortable. He just zipped it up further and climbed into bed with Phil after hitting the light. When Phil turned around to wrap Dan in his arms he froze and chuckled.

“You aren’t going to wear that to bed, are you Dan?” he sounded slightly flattered. Dan shrugged and scooted nice and close to Phil who was happy to accept him into his arms no matter what he was wearing. Dan brought his sweater paws up to Phil’s chest and under his chin.

There was a long silence that Dan spent listening to Phil’s breathing. He loved the way Phil sounded when he put his ear up against the older boy’s bare chest. There was something about it that made Dan smile against the skin that covered his ribcage. He left a soft and gentle kiss in the center and Phil rubbed the boy’s brown hair near the nape of his neck.

It was strange being in Phil’s bed again, this time as a couple. Phil seemed to love this bed more than anything in the world and he sprawled across the entirety of it almost as soon as he climbed in. But now that Dan was there and sleeping with him, he curled himself around the younger boy like a snake not wanting to let go of his prey. This was the memory he kept coming back to in his dreams. The first time they cuddled into each other in this very bed.

“You know, your brother threatened me today?”

“He _what_?” Phil seemed amused.

“He told me if I hurt you, that he would hurt me,” Dan only half laughed as he told Phil the story because he was certain that Martyn was serious. That was what scared him the most.

“Well that means he _must_ like you,” Phil said, a matter of factly. “He normally doesn’t give two shits about the people I bring home.”

“So giving a shit is... _good_?” Dan asked.

“Well yeah. That’s why I give _you_ shit all the time,” Phil lightly flicked Dan’s forehead.

“Hey!” Dan squealed and Phil raced to cover Dan’s mouth with the palm of his hand.

“You have to be quiet Dan, it’s not just us here this time,” Phil scolded with a smile. Dan mumbled something against his boyfriend’s flesh in a mocking tone and Phil released him from his grip.

“Okay okay...I’ll be quiet, I promise,” Dan curled into Phil more than he was before and mumbled again into Phil’s chest. “Just don’t give me a reason to scream.”

Dan could feel Phil’s chuckle vibrate in his chest as he played with the sweatshirt on Dan’s body. Dan couldn’t figure out what the other boy thought was funny but when he felt the older boy’s hand snake around and grab his butt, Dan had to hold back a shocked squeal.

“Phil!” he scolded in a whisper. “What are you doing?”

“Giving you a reason to scream,” Phil smirked and squeezed again. It made Dan yelp a little in surprise. “You have a nice ass and that sounded like a challenge.”

“Phil! Stop!” Dan was caught off guard by another squeeze, laughing in the form of a squeal. Phil was shushing him by bringing his hand up to Dan’s mouth but he kept grabbing the younger boy’s butt cheek with increasing strength and soon Dan’s chuckling could not be silenced. “Uma Thurman is watching.”

Phil stopped momentarily to look at Dan funny and Dan stopped squirming. He looked at the poster on the door and chuckled. He could barely see it in the darkness but just knowing it was there made him laugh.

“She doesn’t want to watch this,” Dan talked about it as if it were sentient. Phil stared for one more minute and then pressed his lips to his boyfriend’s, completely ignoring what he had said.

They kissed for some time. The darkness surrounded them, except for the nightlight, and it made the whole situation much more intimate. Phil’s hands were all over Dan though and as they kissed Phil’s cheek squeezing got gentler but somehow more needy. Dan wasn’t surprised when he found himself quite aroused by the whole endeavor.

Phil wasn’t one to leave a problem unsolved, in less than a minute Dan’s boxers were wrapped around his ankles under the covers and Phil was stroking him with the hand that was previously grabbing his arse. Dan was far too distracted by the kiss to even notice the transition. Vivid flashbacks of the first time flooded his head but this time was different. This time they were giggling. Phil was shushing Dan when he got too loud and Dan was laughing whenever Phil’s kiss got sloppy. It was when Phil put a stop to the kissing that things stopped being funny. Phil’s head disappeared under the duvet and that feeling that had Dan in another world of bliss returned. He could feel the warmth of Phil’s breath right below his navel while his boyfriend swallowed him whole.

Dan was totally lost in the feeling of Phil’s wet warmth but he did notice something else. He couldn’t see much but when he did finally look down in-between breaths, he saw that Phil had his other hand shoved deep into his own trousers. Dan smiled and took this information as comforting. It made him feel better about all of this when he knew that Phil could get something out of it as well.

It seemed they both came at the same time, Dan whimpering into Phil who was busy coming into his own boxer shorts. He didn’t seem to mind however, slurping up the last of Dan’s ejaculation. Dan was just as shocked as he was the first time, lying there as he panted. Phil stood in the darkness of his room and cleaned up his own mess. Dan thought he remembered mumbling a _thank you_ just before losing the ability to speak altogether. Phil joined him immediately after he sorted his clothes out, feeling the bed dip beside him. Although his boxers were at his ankles, he was still wrapped up in Phil’s sweatshirt, followed by Phil’s arms around him. He passed out in complete peace, excited for the next day to come.


	23. Chapter 23

They used their Saturday morning to lie in bed and make use of the extra space. They rarely slept in the same bed at school because the provided beds were so small. Sometimes Dan would wake up after accidentally falling asleep in Phil’s bed with terrible back pain. It was much easier to just stick to the respective beds during sleep hours.

The sun came in as it usually did through the window on the opposite wall but Dan just hid his face in Phil’s chest and snuggled himself back to sleep. It was absolutely wonderful being able to lie like this in the warmth of Phil’s embrace. There was something about being in this bed, the bed where his feelings were discovered, that made this lazy Saturday morning even better.

When Phil finally did get up, they slowly rose from the bed and didn’t even bother to shower. They both migrated downstairs in their underwear - Dan still sporting the sweatshirt from the night before - and they scrounged up some breakfast.

“My mum suggested we go into town today,” Phil said with a mouthful of cereal. Dan was busy staring at his boyfriend’s bare chest, not looking at his face. Phil’s boxers rode low on his hips revealing a large portion of his happy trail. “She said the people at the Skybar were asking about us.”

“Is that so?” Dan shook his head and returned his gaze to Phil’s head.

“Yeah. I mean, who are we to turn down free food, right?” Phil shrugged and slurped the milk from his bowl.

“So we’re going?”

“Well, only if you’re up for it,” Phil put his bowl back on the counter with force as if to flaunt that he finished his bowl before Dan had. Finishing cereal was Phil’s specialty.

“I’d love to. This time it can be an official date,” he bit his lip and tried to hide how giddy that made him feel.

“Ace! How about 5:00? Sound good?” Phil hopped off the stool at the breakfast bar and wandered over to the sink to wash his dish.

“Sounds good,” Dan agreed and he tried his best to finish his bowl quickly before adding it to Phil’s sink pile. “And Phil?”

“Hm?”

“Stop saying _Ace._ ”

They didn’t bother changing until it was time to get ready. Dan and Phil spent their day cuddling on the couch and playing Mario Kart as they usually did. They hadn’t had too much time to relax and play games due to their schoolwork picking up. The essay Dan was avoiding was just going to have to wait until later. He wasn’t in the mood to work and not even Phil’s persistent encouragement was going to change that.

They left the house after putting on some form of nice clothing. Dan ended up borrowing one of Phil’s shirts that he had hiding in the back of his closet. It was a tad wrinkly but Dan didn’t have much of a choice. He hadn’t packed a fancy button down, unaware of their weekend plans. Phil’s maroon shirt didn’t quite fit him, plus the color scheme wasn’t really his style, but it felt nice to be wearing something of Phil’s. Especially after having to part with the sweater he had been nesting in all night and day.

“I’m just saying, I don’t trust them that much,” Phil explained after Dan asked him why he was afraid of horses. They were standing on the bus to take them into town. It was rather crowded, more than they were used to.

“You don’t _trust_ them?”

“Yeah, they seem sketchy,” Phil scowled. “Like they’re up to something.”

“Whatever you say,” Dan rolled his eyes.

“And big. They’re so big,” Phil kept explaining. “They could just kick you and pretend it was an accident.”

“Horses don’t pretend, Phil.”

“You don’t know that.”

After getting off the bus and walking at a semi-quick pace, they reached the town in no time. The same little shops and stores that were there the first time were still standing around them. This time however, Dan could tell how far they were from the Skybar. Phil knew his way around much better than he did though, weaving in and out of the crowds just like last time. He turned corners without warning and crossed streets without signals. This resulted in Dan once again grabbing Phil’s hand in order to keep up. He didn’t mind the touching much when they were in Phil’s hometown. Nobody could see them there and it was a good way to ease Dan into the idea of showing his affection in public.

They reached the Skybar and traveled up the stairs. This time, Dan was more prepared. He wasn’t thrilled about the exercise but four flights wasn’t too bad now that he was expecting it. Plus, they were about to eat an entire meal. His metabolism needed the stimulation.

Lexie was standing at her post, waiting for people to come in. She looked bored but her blonde ponytail was pulled tight, exactly as it was when Dan had first met her. When the two boys walked up to her, the boredom melted from her face and a look of pleasant surprise replaced it.

“Phil!” her smile was warm and her eyes were lit up, but she stayed professional and only bowed slightly to greet them. This time she didn’t ignore Dan, she looked him up and down and nodded in his direction. “Just the two of you today?”

“Yes ma’m,” Phil flashed her a grin and she grabbed the menus.

The Skybar was the slightest bit more busy than it had been when they visited over Spring Break. It seemed that Saturday night was one of the busiest. They didn’t land the “best table in the house” this time, instead they were led to a table in the middle of the dining floor. This didn’t mean their table was any less magnificent however. It still had a tiny candle in the middle and the tablecloth was a light yellow color that changed with the light of the flame. It was just starting to get dark outside and without a roof, the restaurant was starting to dim. The atmosphere reeked with romance.

“Thank you, Lexie,” Phil pulled out his chair and waited until Dan sat down before he did so himself out of courtesy.

“God Phil, I didn’t realize you were so posh,” Dan joked. “For a northerner, it’s surprising.”

“Hey! What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing,” Dan laughed. “People call _me_ posh because of my accent but look at you. You have somehow acquired the manners of a real gentleman.”

“Well I’m glad I can convince you of such,” Phil smirked. “It’s not all that hard.”

“Says you.”

“Plus, being a gentleman helps me get into my date’s pants,” Phil bit his lip and gave Dan a wink. Dan’s jaw dropped as Phil broke the stare and giggled.

“Excuse me?”

“Admit it. It’s working.”

Dan blushed.

“Uh huh. Told ya,” Phil kicked his foot into Dan’s softly and his smile told Dan that he was joking.

“You’re despicable.”

“I know.”

Just as Dan started getting lost in his boyfriend’s eyes for what seemed like the millionth cheesy time, the waiter came over and placed the two Blackberry mojitos on the table in front of them. He hadn’t even asked and Dan was impressed with his ability to remember their order. Then again, he’s known Phil forever. This was probably no shock to the other boy.

“Thank you, Craig,” Phil looked up and broke their eye contact. “How are you doing this evening?”

“I’m doing quite well, thank you, Phillip,” he bowed in response. “Your parents were in here a few days ago. Did Catherine tell you about our special this week?”

“No, she only suggested we come in today,” Phil responded as he glanced at the menu and tried to locate the special. “Where is it?”

“Oh no, Phillip. It’s not on the menu,” Craig didn’t seem like the type to crack jokes or even hold a sense of humor, but he seemed slightly amused. “For our most valued customers only, we are offering a dish we like to call _The Phillip_.”

“The _Phillip_?” Phil looked amused now as well, putting his chin in his hand and leaning forward with interest. “And what is this dish exactly?”

“Well, _The Phillip_ is a grilled sandwich with chunky peanut butter purée and strawberry jam filling placed in-between two fluffy pancakes served with a side of potato wedges and a maple glaze,” Craig’s mouth was turning up on the side and Dan bit his lip in an effort to hide a laugh. This grown man, working in a semi-fancy restaurant, just described a glorified PB &J sandwich. Phil seemed intrigued. He glanced at Dan with wonder in his eyes. He was silently asking for permission and Dan couldn’t figure out why. He was just there for the ride. He would eat anything, honestly.

“Two of those please,” Dan spoke to Craig who turned his head to face the younger boy. Phil looked at him as well, very pleased to have been ordered for. Craig nodded at Dan and gave Phil a slight smile as he walked away and towards the kitchen to place their order. Phil was looking at Dan with immense excitement.

“They named a _dish_ after me!” Phil grinned.

“Phil, they didn’t just _name_ it after you, they _built_ it for you,” Dan corrected him, loving the way Phil’s face was lit up with excitement. This was one of his favorite things about Phil. The way his face displayed his emotions so easily. The way his face gleamed when he was happy and how contagious it was. Dan smiled right back and grabbed Phil’s hand that was sitting delicately on the table. “I bet it’ll be delicious.”

“I haven’t had a PB&J sandwich in a while,” Phil admitted, a slight sense of worry flashing across his face. “I sort of stopped eating them after I had them so many times here as a kid.”

“But this one has _pancake_ bread! _Pancakes_!” Dan emphasized. “I bet you’ll like it.”

“I’m sure you’re right,” Phil shook his leg in excitement.

Dan and Phil sat in silence for a moment sipping their drinks that they just remembered had been delivered until Phil, right on queue, spoke.

“So I’m afraid of horses...” Phil started.

“Phil, we’ve been over this. Horses aren’t-”

“What are you afraid of?” Phil asked quite innocently. This shut Dan up. He took a sip of his drink to buy some time to think and let the memories of the first time he tried Phil’s signature cocktail, still shocked with its amazing taste.

“I’m afraid of a lot of things, Phil,” Dan chuckled nervously. “The dark, as you know, trees, anything supernatural...moths.”

“Moths?” Phil almost spilled some of his drink with his surprise.

“Yeah! They’re totally scary!” Dan sighed, not expecting Phil to understand. Nobody really understood that one. Not that he really told anyone anyways.

“If I’m not allowed to be afraid of horses, you aren’t allowed to be afraid of moths,” Phil bargained.

“Not fair! Moths are everywhere! You can avoid horses!”

“Not true. You never know if you’ll have to make an emergency escape on a random stallion!” Phil exclaimed being far too loud for a tiny restaurant.

“You make no sense.”

“One day you’ll be sorry for saying that. A horse will eat your soul...or something,” Phil laughed and sipped his drink.

After their short conversation about fears, they started talking about Phil’s family again, Phil explaining the dynamic between him and his brother. Phil told him stories from his childhood about his brother leaving him to navigate secondary school all by himself and how his brother used to pick on him for his hamster breeding hobby. Dan laughed, picturing the younger version of their sibling rivalry. Dan listened to Phil talk about how Martyn and Cornelia met after Dan mentioned that he thought she was pretty cool.

Before they knew it, their dishes arrived at their table and Dan got to watch Phil’s eyes go wide when he saw the most beautiful composition of food being placed in front of him. The sandwich looked perfectly grilled and buttered, fluffy pancake material on top of and below what looked like the most delicious peanut butter and jelly concoction ever made. Beside it were some thin french fries, but instead of ketchup, they were drizzled with a chestnut colored goop that Dan assumed was the maple glaze. The whole thing sat on a pristine white plate that looked like it belonged in a dining magazine.

“Holy cow,” Phil’s mouth dropped open and he grabbed his fork and his knife in his hand. Dan looked at the plate in front of him and grinned.

“Thank you, Young Phil,” he said, cutting into the sandwich to make it easier to eat.

They ate their sandwiches and Phil started telling Dan about his desire to play more Final Fantasy. He said that his parents used to bribe him to come out by letting him stay up one hour later to play the game. Apparently, it was a real bargain and he took it almost every time. But Dan’s heart started pumping faster when the nostalgia of the game hit him. Dan actually played Final Fantasy a lot as a kid, loving the music and the concept of heroes battling evil, but when he got to secondary school, he was trying to fit in and he ditched the franchise attempting to ignore the urge to play. He didn’t pick it back up again in the fear of people judging him and Dan hadn’t heard Phil mention Final Fantasy before this moment, probably because he had left all his games at home. Now Phil was going on about seeing them in his room and wanting to bring them to school. Dan didn’t mention to Phil how much he had loved the franchise. When he was still in piano lessons, he learned a piano piece for one of the Final Fantasy VII songs because he loved the soundtrack so much. His heart fluttered as he listened to Phil’s plan on playing the game when they returned to his home. Dan ate his amazing sandwich with his amazing boyfriend who he swore could read his mind.

The meal was fantastic, as expected. Both boys basically licked their plates clean. It was totally dark when they finally left the restaurant. As they walked through the dimly lit town, digesting the food they had just consumed, Phil suggested they stop by a little ice cream shop on the corner near the bus stop. Dan argued about being too full but Phil assured him that ice cream “slipped through the cracks” of the stomach and that there was “always room” for ice cream. Dan caved, no surprise, and they each picked a flavor. Sitting on the curb and waiting for the bus, Phil played with Dan’s fingers that he held close to his leg. They finished off their ice cream just in time for the bus to arrive and Phil helped Dan to his feet. They climbed onto the bus and sat next to each other as they silently watched out the window. Dan couldn’t help but think about how perfect Phil was for him. After learning about Phil’s love for Final Fantasy, all he wanted to do was play more music from the soundtrack. He made a mental note to work on it over summer break. He wanted so badly to play the songs for Phil one day. If only he had a piano to practice on.

 

-

 

Phil kept his word. As soon as they walked in the door and discarded their shoes, he ran to grab his Final Fantasy game. To Dan’s delight, it happened to be his favorite, the seventh. It wasn’t a coincidence, everyone knew that it was one of the best ones. They settled on the couch and Phil plugged in the playstation. The moment the title screen popped up, Dan had a hard time containing himself. He was so excited to watch Phil play a game that he didn’t even know he had missed. But in order to save face, he watched quietly next to Phil, inhaling the scent that still remained on the shirt he was borrowing from his boyfriend.

Of course thirty minutes into the game, Dan remembered what he was supposed to be working on this weekend and he reluctantly got his schoolwork out. He remained next to Phil on the couch but his eyes were now forcibly buried into a textbook. The paper wasn’t going to write itself. The pen in his hand was tapping repeatedly on the notebook and he hoped Phil wasn’t getting annoyed.

“Do you have to play that right next to me?” Dan asked when he was coming up short for words on his paper. He obviously didn’t want Phil to leave him down there alone. He wasn’t annoyed, he was actually very glad that Phil was sharing the couch with him, but he didn’t want to be writing the paper in the first place and to distract himself he broke the silence. They had a habit of doing homework together but on the very rare occasion where the other didn’t have any work of their own, it was custom to at least keep the other company.

“Do you have to be doing work right now?” Phil responded, mid-battle.

“Unfortunately yes,” Dan groaned and refocused his eyes to his page. His chicken scratch writing was getting progressively worse the longer he kept at it. “Professor Burnham is _just_ starting to like me. I can’t screw it up now with a poorly done paper.”

“You think you’ll be able to finish it all tonight?” Phil asked. Dan sighed and bit the tip of the pen he was holding obviously too close to his mouth.

“I don’t know. I’m getting pretty tired,” he admitted. Staring at textbooks for this long really did a number on his stamina. “Maybe I’ll try and get up early tomorrow and complete it so the day isn’t wasted.”

“Sounds like a good idea. Just don’t wake me if you do,” Phil nudged him a little with his elbow. Dan glared at him but he couldn’t tell. Phil was staring at the screen and playing the game he wished he could partake in with intensity.

The night came to a close with Dan starting to fall asleep on his textbook. His face kept dipping forward into the words he was trying so hard to read. He ended up curling into a little ball next to Phil, textbook on the coffee table, pen and notebook still in his hand. Phil ignored it, letting Dan take a little power nap. But it only made Dan more tired and every time he woke up to a loud noise coming from the game, he nestled back into the cushion by his head and fell back asleep. Every now and then, a loading screen would give Phil the chance to run his fingers through Dan’s hair, waking the boy slightly and giving him a smile. Phil played his game for what must have been another hour before switching off the console and hesitantly waking Dan up.

“Hey, Dan?” he shook Dan’s shoulder and Dan opened his eyes slowly. “Why don’t you take a break and let’s go to bed. You can finish that tomorrow morning, okay?”

Dan glanced at the clock and noted how late it had become. He nodded at the older boy and rose to his feet, leaving behind his homework and following Phil up the stairs.

“You can use my alarm clock to wake up early if you want,” Phil pointed at the digital clock that sat on his bedside table once they entered the room. It was dusty from the lack of use.

“Thanks,” Dan picked it up and tried to figure out how to set it. Phil started getting ready for bed, grabbing his toothbrush from the bathroom. Dan followed after, setting the alarm for 8:00am and he grabbed his toothbrush as well. They stood in Phil’s tiny bathroom, staring into the mirror as they brushed their teeth in silence. Dan was staring at the way Phil moved the brush against his teeth, then averting his eyes when the blue ones met his in the mirror. The corner of Phil’s mouth went up and he wrapped his arm around the younger boy. They were standing so close together anyway, it only seemed natural.

“Help yourself to anything in the kitchen for breakfast tomorrow,” Phil mumbled with the toothbrush between his lips. “Anything to help you get your work done.”

“Alright, I will, thanks,” Dan watched as the older boy let go of him and stripped off his shirt and his jeans. He kept the brush in his mouth with his teeth as he did, finally spitting into the sink and following it with a rather ugly sound. “One day I’m gonna have to film you spitting into a sink. I think your viewers would like that attractive noise.”

“No!” Phil laughed and playfully nudged Dan as he tried to spit into the sink as well. This made it difficult but he managed and it all made it in.

The bathroom was so small and Phil was wearing so little. Dan loved the feeling of his skin on his and he couldn’t wait to snuggle up in bed together, skin on skin, until he had to get up again to finish his essay.

They made it back to the bed, turning off the light and Phil collapsed in it. Dan mimicked him and they quickly slid into the sheets together. They assumed their snuggling position, this bed big enough to hold them both comfortably. Dan would never get used to the way Phil’s body fit perfectly next to his. His leg lied between his boyfriend’s legs, his face nestled comfortably into Phil’s chest, and their hands intertwined.

“I’m so lucky I ran into you, Dan,” he whispered into the younger boy’s hair.

“I’m glad you decided to talk to a stranger. But Phil, what if I was some sort of weirdo?” Dan joked, his eyes were already closed and he was listening to the slow breaths coming from Phil’s slightly open mouth.

“You _are_ a weirdo,” Phil laughed and pulled him in tighter. “But I like weirdos.”

“Your impulse to talk to strangers is worrying, Phil.”

“Well it led me to you, didn’t it?”

“I suppose you’re right.”

“Sleep, Dan. You have to get up early tomorrow and be a good student.”

“Oh shut up.”

“I’ll take you out for coffee when I wake up if you’d like.”

“Yes please,” Dan mumbled into Phil’s chest. Phil rubbed his back lightly and he took a deep breath. Dan let his boyfriend’s breathing put him to sleep slowly as he thought about Final Fantasy and his magical relationship.

 

-

 

Dan awoke to the alarm clock and the sun that attacked him from the window. He was bitter. He was tired and the last thing he wanted to do was get out of bed this early on the weekend. He fidgeted with the alarm clock, trying to get it to shut the fuck up as he sat up slowly. When he moved to the vertical position, the blankets slid off of his sleeping boyfriend. Phil was not pleased with this and he groaned a little. Dan rolled his eyes and tried to place the blankets back where they had been before. He stopped for only a moment to admire the boy who slept next to him. His mouth was slightly open and his hair had encroached his face. Dan smiled and leaned forward, kissing his head and then hopped out of the comfortable fortress that he wanted so badly to slip back into.

He sleepily moseyed down to the kitchen after pulling on some trackies and a t-shirt that he found on the floor, rubbing the sleep from his eyes as he found the necessary materials to make himself a cup of tea. The coffee machine was complicated and he would just make Phil buy him coffee later as a reward for getting his work done. The caffeine in the tea was going to have to do for now.

He shuffled over to the couch, sitting down near his textbook and his notebook. His notes from the night before were messy and he cursed himself for not being neater. He sighed and started reading, taking notes and trying to focus the best he could. His eyes were still not adjusted and he found himself squinting to get a better look at the text.

At least two hours passed before he felt like he was getting somewhere. Even then, he felt like he was going nowhere. He had composed the outline of his essay but now he had to actually write it. It was 10:30 now and he wanted to take a short break. He stood up to stretch his legs before he started the next part of his process. He looked around the room for something to entertain his mind for a moment. He saw the empty mug of tea sitting on the coffee table. He considered moving it to the kitchen and giving it a wash but he decided he would save it for later. He didn’t want to turn on the TV because he knew that if he started watching something he wouldn’t stop and he could only afford a five-minute break at this rate. He didn’t want Phil to come downstairs if he wasn’t finished because then he’d have to keep working through the day while Phil spent his leisurely hours playing the game he so desperately wanted to watch. His eyes finally landed on a book sitting on the shelf at eye level. It was a thick book that upon opening he discovered was filled with a bunch of photographs. Phil’s mum loved to take photos it seemed, the photos going all the way back to Phil’s birth. Pictures of little Phil and his brother sitting together in Christmas gear filled the first few pages. He turned it to find pictures of Phil and his Dad swimming in a pool somewhere with palm trees. Dan couldn’t help but smile as he flipped through Phil’s childhood. The little boy had the same eyes as he had now and Dan was enthralled with how blue they really were. Even in the photographs. Phil’s smile was the same as well, showing every single tooth.

He wanted with every fiber of his being to keep looking through the little book of memories but he desperately needed to work or he was going to be in trouble. He returned the book to where it was and slumped his shoulders, heading over to the couch once again as he picked up the book he was supposed to be reading. The grin that was plastered on his face didn’t fade for a while though, thinking about Phil’s little face as he sifted through his text.

About an hour went by, fifty-two minutes to be exact, and Dan was near completing his paper. He had almost completed his rough draft, which was good news. He was trying his hardest to work quickly. He was halfway through writing a sentence in his conclusion when he heard the upstairs floor creak. His heart rate shifted and he couldn’t help but get excited. If he were a dog, his tail would be wagging at a ferocious speed. But instead of coming down the stairs, he heard the bathroom door swing open and the shower start. Damnit. Phil took really long showers, especially when he was trying to wake up. This was something he learned the hard way and it resulted in him being late to a few classes. Phil’s morning routine was extensive.

He let his body relax against the sofa as he heard the bathroom door close. He was just going to have to wait. He was just about to pick up his pen again when he heard a faint knock at the front door. At first, he thought that it was his imagination. Who would come knocking at Phil’s house when nobody was even supposed to be home? Perhaps it was someone that came looking for Phil’s parents and didn’t know they were going away? Maybe it was someone looking for Phil’s brother? Dan froze because he wasn’t sure if he should go answer the door or pretend nobody was there at all. He didn’t move a muscle. But the knocking happened again and this time it was harder. There was no mistaking that someone was at the door and they were expecting an answer.

Dan knew Phil well. Phil trusted him. He could open the front door for him. Right? He would just tell them that Mr. and Mrs. Lester were gone for that weekend. And worst case, if the person really needed to see one of the Lesters, they could just wait until Phil was out of the shower. Yeah. That wouldn’t be so bad.

He rose to his feet and straightened his hair, attempting to look at least a little decent for whomever was there. He didn’t want to give their family something to be ashamed of. After all, he was some strange person answering the door for their home. He cleared his throat to make sure he could actually speak and opened the door.

Standing outside was a man, well really a boy, probably about Phil’s age, staring into the house and at Dan. He looked a little disheveled and he shifted when he saw that the person at the door was in fact, not a Lester. He looked a little confused and hesitated before he showed a friendly grin.

“Hello,” he started, shoving his hands in his pockets.

“Hi,” Dan swallowed. He tried to repress the incident with Troye and put on a face of welcoming. He reminded himself that Phil was his, _only_ his, and that whoever this man standing in front of him was, they were of no threat. He also remembered what Phil had said about him trying to like his friends. He didn’t want to be the jealous type. He wanted Phil to know that he cared deeply about Phil’s relationships no matter who the person was. He put on a big grin, hoping to not oversell it, and tried his hardest to play nice. For Phil. “How can I help you?”

“Er- is Phil home?” he asked, peeking inside slightly, trying to sneak a look for himself. Dan blinked a little and took in the appearance of this guy. He was slightly shorter than Dan but his hair made up for it. The brown hair was thick and his eyes were the color of mud.

“Um...yeah, he’s upstairs,” Dan hesitated. “Can I ask, who are you?”

“I could ask the same of you, Mate,” the boy laughed. “I’m one of Phil’s old friends. Could I uh...come in?”

“He’s actually showering right now if you want to wai-”

“Oh delightful. Thanks.” The boy pushed past him and into the house. His hands remained in his pockets as he strolled into the living room. He was looking around as if he remembered the place and was happy to finally be back. “I didn’t catch your name, what was it again?”

Dan never told him his name.

“Dan,” he spoke, slightly confused by this man’s comfortability. He must know Phil’s family pretty well to act like this around a total stranger in their home. He watched as the man strolled over to the couch and sat down.

“Well Dan, you working on some schoolwork here with Philly?” he peered over the notes that Dan was taking and Dan shook his head. His shoulders tensed a little when he heard _Philly_ leave the other man’s mouth.

“No those are just my notes. I was just working on an essay,” Dan picked at the hem of his t-shirt. He just realized he was wearing one of Phil’s. The red one that he saw him wearing in the first video that he ever watched on Phil’s channel. The one about the staplers. The man seemed to be looking at his shirt as well, narrowing his eyes.

“Fun...” he bit his lip and brought his eyes back up to Dan’s. “So you a friend of Phil’s?”

Dan stopped. He watched as the other man fished through his notebook, looking at all of his chicken scratch. He shifted a little where he stood. He wasn’t so into the idea of another person going through his stuff. But if this was a friend of Phil’s, he wanted to be as polite as possible. He wanted to prove to Phil that he could be civil with his friends. He didn’t want to be _that_ boyfriend. Plus, Phil was his, he had nothing to worry about.

Granted, he wasn’t sure how to answer this question. He knew that Phil didn’t really care what people thought about him at University, but it was possible he had some sort of reputation with his friends at home or elsewhere. He didn’t want to accidentally out Phil without consulting him first. He knew how terrifying that thought was. So he played it safe and told his signature lie.

“Yeah, we’re friends from Uni,” Dan smiled at the man who seemed to relax his shoulders a little. He leaned back and put his feet on the coffee table. “How do you know Phil?”

“Oh we go way back,” the guy sort of smirked. He looked around the room and seemed to nod along with his own words. “One of his videos mentioned that he was heading back home for Catherine’s birthday. I decided I’d pay the Lesters a visit. It seems I’ve missed her however.”

Well he knew Phil’s mum. He was clearly a family friend. This made Dan relax a little. He hadn’t known Phil’s family longer than a day but he already trusted them more than he would initially trust most people.

“Yeah, she left yesterday,” Dan licked his lips and cocked his head. “Does Phil know to expect you or-?”

“He should. I’ve been calling,” the man was now just staring at the staircase as if Phil was going to walk down any minute. Dan knew this couldn’t be plausible. Phil was only about one-fourth of the way through his shower. Then he would have to change and dry his hair. If Phil was planning on gracing him with his entirely ready self, it would be at least twenty more minutes before he would come down the steps.

“Can I get you a glass of water while we wait? Milk? Tea?” Dan offered, knowing it would be a while before Phil came down to join them.

“No, that’s quite alright,” the man stopped him from walking over to the kitchen with a wave of the hand. “Come, sit. Let’s have a chat.”

Dan hesitated where he stood but then he slowly walked over and took a seat in the chair next to the couch. He too glanced at the stairs hoping by some miracle that Phil would wander down them and save him from this social interaction that he was not prepared for.

“I saw you in one of Phil’s videos. You and him must be pretty close, huh?”

Oh no. Did this guy know about them? Maybe Phil told him they were-

“Tell me, what are you doing here in Rawtenstall, Dan? Just along for the ride?” he asked him, leaning forward and crossing his legs. “I didn’t think Phil liked to mix his friends with his family.”

“Well I just didn’t want him to get lonely when his parents left for the weekend,” Dan answered, trying to get a read on this guy who’s grin was honestly kind of menacing. “Say, what was your name again?”

“Dan, I don’t think Phil ever told me about you,” he looked at the cover of the textbook he was sat next to. Dan winced when the page he was on got lost as he shut it. Disrespectful. “Law? How on earth did you two meet if you’re studying law?”

“Well, I met him after a party one night and-”

“A party, huh?” the guy crossed his arms and nodded as if he knew the whole story. “So Phil still goes partying?”

“I wouldn’t say-”

“Have you heard Phil’s wild party stories? We had some good times. That kid knows how to get drunk, I’ll tell ya!” the guy’s laugh was almost cynical.

“So I hear,” Dan kept looking at the clock to see how much time had passed. Every time he checked it felt like time was going slower. He could still hear the shower running. Phil was not going to save him from this awkward conversation. Dan had no desire to hear about Phil’s past if it didn’t come from Phil in a consensual way. He would die if someone told Phil what he was like before University. He told Phil what he thought was important and he believed strongly in privacy. He tried to think about the most polite way of telling Phil’s friend that he didn’t want to hear about Phil’s party life.

“You know, I don’t really want to hear about what Phil did before-”

“Oh right. I’m sorry. Of course not. Because Phil’s _different_ now, right?” the guy snarled a little as he added air quotes to his emphasized words. He seemed to be growing tense again, his shoulders rising. “He’s _changed_. Sure. I get it.”

Dan blinked. “What?”

“Nothing,” the man crossed his arms and let his smile cover up his bitter tone. Dan stayed silent for a moment and tried to wrap his head around what the other guy had just said. Was he insulting Phil? Why would a friend of Phil’s insult him like that?

“I’m sorry?” Dan asked the man to clarify.

“People don’t _change_ , Dan. Phil’s the same as he always has been,” the man was now squinting and staring into Dan’s eyes with a furrowed brow. “What does he tell you about his past, huh? Has he told you about how much fun he used to have? How many people he met? Phil doesn’t know how much he left behind when he _changed_.”

Again with the air quotes. What was this guy talking about? Phil didn’t seem like he changed at all. As far as Dan knew, he’s been the same all along. Everyone goes through times in their lives where they get mixed up with the wrong people. Everyone evolves. In Phil’s case, he just had a shitty boyfriend who-

Dan stood in silence as he suddenly realized who was sitting in front of him.

“You know what? It was nice chatting with you, Dan but I really need to speak with Phil, so if you don’t mind I’m just going to head upstairs and let him know I’ve come by,” the guy stood abruptly and headed for the staircase. Dan wasn’t going to let his nerves stop him this time. His fists were clenched so hard that his nails were digging into his palms. He had never felt more enraged in his entire life. The man that had done so much damage to the boy he so deeply cared about was on his way to go confront Phil and he wasn’t going to have any of that.

“Alex!” Dan growled. The boy stopped in his tracks, giving Dan the chance to catch up to him. He walked over and blocked the staircase. Alex looked Dan square in the face, his friendly mask melting right in front of him. Dan swallowed. “I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

Alex actually laughed. In his face. It started as a slight chuckle but when Dan crossed his arms and adjusted his stance, the other boy saw that he was being serious and let out a hefty laugh.

“This isn’t your house, Dan. You can’t tell me to leave,” his smirk made Dan sick. He had no right to stand there and speak to him this way. He had no right to speak at all. “Now please, I need to talk to Phil.”

“You need to leave,” Dan stated firmly. His palms were starting to sweat but he couldn’t back down. Not with this much on the line. He could still hear the shower water from the bathroom upstairs and he thanked the universe that Phil wasn’t downstairs to see Alex standing in his living room. Dan was determined to get him out. Whether he liked it or not. “Now. Or else.”

Did he really just say _or else_? He didn’t know where that came from.

“Oooh. Threatening me now? I can see why Philly likes you,” he snarled, stepping a little closer. He was challenging him. “Or else what?”

“Or else...” Dan gulped. He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know how to do this. He didn’t ever expect himself to be in this situation. Never in a billion years. Especially not standing in Phil’s home with Phil’s ex-boyfriend.

“Mmhmm. That’s what I thought,” Alex flicked him in the chest, right on the sternum. “It looks like Phil found his own little bottom. Someone to fuck like I fucked him, huh?”

That was it. That was where Dan drew the line. He felt one of his nails pierce the flesh of his palm but it didn’t matter. Nothing mattered except the boy upstairs that he would do anything to protect. Dan wasn’t going to let Alex off the hook. Not just for what he said to Dan, but what he had done to his Phil. He counted quickly in his head down from ten, but decided it couldn’t wait.

10, 9, 8-

He swung his clenched fist into Alex’s face. He was hoping he’d hit his jaw but it seemed that he was too slow and Alex backed up a little. But his hand hit something. His knuckles grazed something sharp, then there was a crack as Dan’s fist came in contact with Alex’s nose. There was a moment of silence as Alex registered what had happened and he turned back around to reveal not only a bloody nose and busted lip, but a look of surprise. Dan was shocked too, probably as much as the other boy, but the adrenaline had kicked in. He started stepping towards Alex in an attempt to back him into the front hallway. To his relief, the boy cooperated. He was holding his nose as it dripped blood onto the carpet of the living room as he was escorted to the front door. Dan opened the door and gritted his teeth.

“Get. Out.”

Alex looked angry. He looked really angry. And his nose looked broken. But he wasn’t going to do anything. Clearly, Dan had proven himself and the other boy no longer had a right to talk. Not that he did in the first place. He just snarled, turned tail, and ran down the driveway to the car that was poorly parked on the curb. Dan watched him get in and drive off before he closed the door. He locked it, then put his back to it, finally getting a chance to look at his hand. He winced in pain when he realized that his knuckles were nice and swollen with a few pieces of broken skin releasing a slight bit of fresh blood. He bit his lip in an attempt not to cry. Nothing that just happened made sense. It was all a blur. He was totally in shock and it was going to take him a moment to recover. Unfortunately, his moment was going to have to be quick. He heard the water from the shower stop and he could hear Phil shuffling around in the bathroom upstairs. The floorboards creaked a little as he heard the bathroom door open. He sped walked to the kitchen sink and ran his hand under the freezing cold water in an effort to soothe the pain quickly. He could see the blood from both Alex’s nose and his own hand run down the drain.

Then he remembered the carpet.

“Shit...” he mumbled to himself as he grabbed a few paper towels and ran them under water as well. He hustled over to the living room where he looked down at the beige carpet that was now splattered with a good amount of blood. He dropped to his knees and started scrubbing. Just as he started working to get the biggest patch of blood out of the carpet, he heard Phil exit the bathroom and go into his room. “Shit shit shit.”

He scrubbed faster but it was taking a while to get it all. He cursed a little more as he tried to think about what he would tell Phil when he came down the stairs. Clearly, he wasn’t going to be able to clean all of this up in time. He couldn’t tell him about Alex. He just couldn’t. Phil had gone through enough emotional abuse from this guy and if he told him, it might just make everything worse. Phil was a mess when Alex called, Dan couldn’t imagine what it would be like if he knew Alex was in his home while he was just upstairs. He punched the guy for God’s sake. Telling Phil and freaking him out would only let Alex win and Dan wasn’t going to allow that. This was going to have to be a secret. As much as Dan hated the thought of keeping anything from Phil, this was for his own good. Phil was too important.

He winced a little as he felt his fist throbbing. Phil would definitely notice his hand though. And the carpet that was now stained red. He was going to have to tell him something. Anything. He looked around the room, his eyes landing on the empty mug sitting next to his textbook.


	24. Chapter 24

“Dan! Did you know there are over 280 different species of squirrels?” Dan heard Phil bounding down the stairs. “I was just watching a-”

He stopped at the bottom. Dan looked up at him from the floor with his paper towel scrubbing the carpet. Tears pricked the corners of his eyes but he didn’t let them fall. He couldn’t lie to Phil when he was a sobbing mess.

“Dan...what happened?” Phil took in the mess that was scattered in front of Dan. Dan’s tea mug was shattered into at least 8 pieces and the teabag was lying in a little puddle on the carpet. Dan was trying his hardest to clean up the specks of blood that littered the area. Phil trotted over to Dan with a look of worry that made Dan’s stomach lurch. “Are you okay?”

He obviously saw the injury that Dan had acquired, crouching down and grabbing Dan’s arm to inspect it better.

“Oh my God,” his face turned up and looked into Dan’s watery orbs, Phil’s eyebrows raised in sympathy. Dan felt bad for having to stage something of this proportion to protect Phil, but it was the only thing he could think to do. Regardless of the reason, his heart swelled when he saw Phil’s concern. Dan was still pretty shaken about the whole incident and he really needed Phil’s comfort. He turned his attention to the floor and the mess that he had fabricated. He did his best to swallow his guilt so that he could tell his story with his already trembling vocals.

“I made myself some tea this morning and when I got up to go make some more, I tripped over the table and broke the mug. I’m so sorry Phil, it was a nice one too,” he pressed his lips together and hung his head. The memory of him dropping the mug on purpose passed through his mind. He blinked it away. “I cut myself on the broken pieces when I fell. I’m sorry, I got blood all over your family’s carpet.”

“That’s okay, Bear,” Phil’s soft voice surrounded him like a blanket as he held Dan’s injured hand in his. His touch was so soft, it felt like he was being cared for by a lamb. “Let’s get you cleaned up.”

Phil helped him to his feet and then moved him over to the sink, rinsing his hand and watching the blood go down the drain once again. Phil stood behind Dan and wrapped his arms around him in a continuous hug.

Dan hated lying to Phil so much - it wasn’t something his gut seemed to enjoy. But it was necessary. He kept telling himself that breaking one of the Lester’s coffee mugs was much better than letting in their son’s ex-boyfriend. Dan was scolding himself for not seeing it sooner. The way Alex talked about Phil was exactly how he envisioned him to. Not that Dan liked to think about Alex in the first place.

“Hold your hand here, let me go grab you a bandage,” Phil let go of Dan and disappeared upstairs. Dan watched his hand tremble slightly as he tried not to let the guilt rule his thought process. His stomach was turning over and over again. Maybe he just needed some coffee. Alex was gone, Dan was okay, Phil was spared and nobody would ever have to know. This provided Dan with solace as he took in multiple deep breaths while he stood with cold water running over his sore knuckles. Phil came pattering back and he offered a half smile. “I could only find a little bit of gauss. You think this will be okay?”

He held up about a foot of gauss and Dan nodded. It would do just fine. The scrapes looked worse than they actually were. Dan’s fist must have brushed up against Alex’s teeth. Dan had never punched someone before so the entire sensation was shocking. He had no idea how hard the facial bones really were, not to mention how much damage they could do to a hand. It honestly looked easier in the movies.

Next thing Dan knew, he was sitting on the couch where Alex sat only ten minutes before, getting his hand wrapped up by Phil’s sturdy hands.

“Jeez, Dan. You’re shaking so much. It was just a mug. Don’t worry about it,” he laughed it off, probably very confused as to why his boyfriend was freaking out over what appeared to be nothing. “You afraid of blood or something?”

“No, sorry. The whole thing just scared me, that’s all,” Dan gave Phil a look of embarrassment. “It just threw me off.”

“Well don’t worry, Dan. It’s all alright,” Phil pulled the younger boy in closer. He kissed Dan’s cheek and finished dressing the bandage. “That should be okay for now.”

“Thanks, Phil.”

“You’re welcome,” he broke from Dan and walked over to the mess. He started picking up pieces of the mug. “And I thought I was the clumsy one!”

Dan started to laugh but he didn’t have time to respond before jumping up and stopping Phil. He had started using the paper towels to wipe up some of the blood. There was something so wrong about Phil cleaning up Alex’s blood without even knowing.

“I’ll take care of that, Phil. Don’t worry about it,” Dan tried. Phil picked up on the panic in the younger boy’s eyes and he looked confused.

“No no, I got it. Please. You’re injured. I’m not afraid of your blood. It’s not like I’ll catch swine flu or whatever,” Phil joked.

“At least let me help?” Dan inched closer to the larger patch of blood that had clearly fallen from Alex’s nose.

“Fine. But let me get the sharp pieces, okay?” Phil tossed him the towel that he was using and started collecting the shards of ceramic that littered the floor. Dan scrubbed the carpet the best he could without hurting his hand. There was still a slightly pink mark if you really looked hard enough but Phil deemed it as okay and Dan got off of his knees and wandered into the bathroom. He just needed a moment to himself to sort this whole thing out. He ran the water and stared at himself in the mirror, trying to compose his thoughts. What happened, happened. There was nothing he could do but try and forget. He tried to see the good in what he had done. Saving Phil from that contact was worth this. Right?

He must have accidentally stayed in the bathroom for too long because there was a knock at the door, a worried Phil standing on the other side.

“Dan? You alright?”

“Yeah, sorry. Just needed to...” he grimaced at the lie he was pretty much backed into a corner to tell. “Poop.”

“Alrighty then. Hurry it up, we’re going to get coffee. Just as I promised.”

Dan had forgot this plan for the day and sure enough, after Dan changed and attempted to do something with his hair, they embarked on the mission to get Dan some coffee. At least they were doing something that would keep his mind off of it. The combination of having to get up rather early in the morning mixed with the nerves of punching another man in the face really sucked the life out of him. Not to mention, he still had a little bit of work left to do on his essay. That was the most disappointing thing about all of this. The time he could have spent working on his stupid paper was used up by his conversation with Alex. Dan wasn’t happy but at least it was over.

Phil seemed to sense that Dan wasn’t feeling quite like himself. Maybe he thought Dan felt embarrassed or maybe he assumed Dan was tired, but regardless, Phil was being especially loving. He respected Dan’s PDA requests and generally kept the touching to a minimum when they were out and about, but today he let their knees bump together a few extra times. He gently placed his hand on the small of Dan’s back to guide him through the Starbucks line. He sat so that his hip was touching Dan’s ever so slightly. Dan appreciated this and to let Phil know that he was feeling specifically grateful, he would lean his head on his shoulder or grab his hand and give it a squeeze. He always looked around the room to make sure nobody was looking, however.

They made it back to the house with plenty of the daylight to spare. As they walked up to the house from the bus stop, Dan noticed the skid marks that came from Alex’s car at the bottom of the driveway. He clenched both of his fists in anger, wincing at the pain in his left hand.

“We should start packing soon. The train leaves in a couple hours,” Phil reminded Dan after they resumed their spots on the couch from the night before. Dan swore that he could smell Alex’s scent in the living room and he couldn’t be more glad to get back to school where there was no chance at all of seeing that horrible man. He really just needed to be away from that living room.

In the time that it took for Phil to play through about an hour of Final Fantasy, Dan had reluctantly finished his essay, happy that he could finally watch for a few minutes before they had to leave. Phil promised that he’d take the game back with them so that they could play all they wanted when they got to school. Dan helped him pack up the console and they were on their way. It was only a weekend trip, so they didn’t have many belongings to begin with. Phil made sure the house was as clean as it was when they arrived - minus the blood stain of course - and they left, Dan abandoning his anger in Phil’s home.

 

-

 

The longer they were away from Phil’s house, the less Dan thought about the guilt he was experiencing. His stomach stopped flipping at random moments when he thought about Alex’s bloody face. He stopped receiving the flashbacks without warning. The only time he really thought about it was when he looked down at the scaring on his knuckles. Dan really appreciated how gentle and loving Phil was being towards his injury. They would play Mario Kart, both getting very into it like they usually did, but then Dan would move his fingers in a specific way and his hand would throb in pain. He’d let out a little yelp and Phil was so fast to pause it, it was actually impressive. As if he was listening for it constantly. Phil would grab Dan’s hand and bring it to his mouth as he gave it a soft kiss. Realistically, it did nothing for Dan’s physical health but it always gave him a smile and wiped every thought of receiving the injury from his mind.

It had been about a half a week and the scabs had just started forming. His hand was far less swollen than it had been and each day that went by, it got easier to forget. In fact, it got easier to accept. He punched a guy. In the face. He took Phil’s most horrible enemy and _broke his nose_. Every now and then Dan would get a little bummed that he couldn’t tell his boyfriend. He wanted to prove to Phil that he could protect him if he really needed it. Phil didn’t always have to come to Dan’s rescue.

“I bet you I could take that guy,” Dan pointed out someone from across the room while they were eating lunch one day and Phil turned, looked, laughed and shook his head.

“Dan, you couldn’t _take_ anyone,” he responded and then leaned over so that only Dan could hear his whisper. “Unless by _take_ you mean up the butt, and in that case I’d rather you _didn’t_ take that guy.”

“Phil!” Dan shoved his boyfriend away from him and blushed real hard.

“What? If you’re gonna take anyone, I’d like it to be me please.”

Their flirting would make any romance sap sing. Phil was great at being discrete. At first glance, Phil looked like someone with little to no experience in the art of seduction but he was actually quite the little flirt. He was good at sweeping Dan off his feet and then hurling him into his sexy mind trap. The few times that they had messed around, Phil knew exactly what to do to get Dan in that perfect spot. He was incredibly good. Almost impossibly good. Dan only wished he could return the favor. Phil was always considerate and when they did get intimate, Phil would stroke himself to completion in his shorts as he took care of Dan with his incredibly skilled mouth.

“I’ll make you a deal. One piece of clothing for every paragraph I write,” Phil begged Dan with his eyes. He was sitting at Dan’s desk in their room, his laptop open in front of him and his cheek in his hand. Phil had eaten one too many sweets and he was hyper beyond belief. He was normally really good at buckling down and getting work done but not today. Phil’s brain was all over the place. He kept taking little breaks to ask Dan questions about zoo animals and apparently now he was trying to bargain with him. Dan knew he shouldn’t have given the boy his extra plate of chocolate cake after dinner. He knew full well how sugar affected him. He also had known about the paper his boyfriend was supposed to be writing tonight. Granted, he had been writing for about two hours and he was probably getting stir crazy. But this was ridiculous. “Please, Dan? I need some sort of motivation.”

“Phil, you only have a couple pages left! You can do it!”

“But _Daaaan_ ,” the older boy threw his head back and sighed loudly. Phil’s glasses slid on his nose a little as he did so.

Dan was sitting on his bed next to his desk messing with his computer. Phil had set up shop on Dan’s desk so he could be closer to Dan while he reclined in his bed. Dan wasn’t really doing anything particularly important, just relaxing a little and keeping Phil company.

“Give me something to work for,” Phil whined. Dan looked up and smiled at the blue eyed boy who was blinking rapidly at him through his lenses. He looked so cute and Dan bit his lip. There was something so adorable about Phil when he wore his glasses. Something so raw.

“I’ll give you like, 12 kisses if you finish your paper,” Dan bargained. Phil glared at him and his nose twitched, moving the frames up and down a little.

“12 kisses?”

“Yes.”

“12 _whole_ kisses?” Phil asked sarcastically.

“Yes.”

There was a moment of silence while Phil glared at him and then he rolled his eyes.

“ _Fine_. But they better be some _really_ good kisses, Dan. This is a difficult paper,” Phil mumbled, slouching in his seat and turning his attention back to his laptop. He sounded disappointed. Dan sighed and watched as Phil begrudgingly typed a couple words. He bit his lip a little and then smiled.

“What if I give you one of them now?” He couldn’t just let Phil sit there looking so disappointed and cute. Phil’s eyes ripped away from the computer screen immediately and he looked at Dan with hope.

“Please!” He even sat up a little and shifted in excitement. Dan hopped off the bed and walked over to his boyfriend. He looked down at the sitting boy, removing his glasses and pushing his hair back into a quiff. Phil’s eyes looked even more beautiful when they were out from under his hair and from behind his frames. Dan stared at them for a moment of silence but then he leaned down and pressed his lips to Phil’s. Phil closed his eyes and pushed forward into the kiss. He could feel the warmth of the other boy’s lips seeping onto his. Dan left his lips there for a while, kissing at his mouth. He knew how much his boyfriend wanted the distraction so he might as well give him a little something. His hands combed through Phil’s hair and he heard him hum softly under his touch. When the kiss was over though, Phil whimpered a little as Dan pulled away.

“Daaan.”

“What, Phil?” He stood up straight, giving the boy back his glasses and looked down at Phil’s pouting face. His hand was still cupping the side of Phil’s cheek when Phil put his glasses back on.

“I can’t focus now. Not after that,” he whined. Dan watched him as he shifted a little in his seat and brought his hand down to his crotch. Dan’s eyes followed and he noticed the bulge that had started forming. Phil sighed uncomfortably. Dan bit his bottom lip. He could feel his face flushing.

“Phil...” Dan sighed, raising his eyebrows a little. The boy’s mind must have already been in the gutter because that kiss really hadn’t been that sexual in the first place. He licked his lips and tasted his pouting boyfriend lingering on them. “How much longer do you think until you finish?”

“Like...” Phil glanced at his computer. “An hour?”

“Okay,” Dan nodded slowly and looked down at his feet. “I’ll tell you what.”

Dan crouched next to Phil’s chair so that he was eye-level with Phil’s waist and he looked up at the boy who was now looking down at him with intrigue. Dan could tell that he was getting slightly more excited having Dan’s head so close to his crotch.

“If you finish your essay in an hour...” Dan put his hand on Phil’s leg, giving it a squeeze. “I’ll give you those 11 kisses...”

Phil looked confused.

“Weren’t you going to do that anyway?”

“But instead of kissing you up there...” Dan pursed his lips a little, flicking his eyes down to Phil’s crotch and back up to Phil. Phil’s eyes went wide.

“Really?” his brows went up in disbelief. He shifted in his seat again, clearly excited by the idea. Dan licked his lips and then gave Phil a nod, standing and returning to the bed quickly as if he hadn’t just made his boyfriend a giant promise. Phil was left staring at Dan in skepticism.

“Get to it then,” Dan waved Phil’s expression off with a smile, trying to seem very casual about the whole thing even though he was freaking out on the inside. Phil’s face slowly turned into a grin as it seems he realized how good of a reward he was going to get and his attention was immediately on the computer screen once again. Dan was shocked that his motivation worked in the first place but Phil was working diligently now and Dan had a bit of time to prepare himself. Had he really just promised to give Phil a blowjob? He chuckled silently to himself as he thought about how he would never have done this a couple weeks ago but now he was totally up for the idea of pleasing Phil. Whether it was the way Phil had been caring for him recently or whether it was actual desire to have Phil’s dick in his mouth, he might as well go for it. He was sick of making Phil do all the work. It was time that he did something for Phil for a change. Plus, Phil had treated him enough times to know what to emulate. At least he thought he did.

Phil worked fast. Dan wasn’t even sure he gave his cock time to soften at all. Dan could see how hard Phil was when he typed his last paragraph and slammed the computer shut. He swiveled over to Dan almost immediately and he was sure that he looked like a deer in the headlights.

“Finished already?” Dan asked, looking at the clock and seeing that it only took him 45 minutes to complete an hours worth of work.

“Yes! And I’m ready for my kisses,” Phil smiled at Dan with excitement. He had every right to be excited. This was a first for Dan and Dan knew how much Phil loved taking Dan through his firsts.

“Okay...” Dan shut his laptop and took a deep breath. It was now or never.

The lights were dimmed in their room which comforted Dan a little. Having the lights on all the way would put too much pressure on him. Phil didn’t like to do homework with all the lights on because he said it made things look too artificial. He’d rather the lights be almost off, working by the light of his laptop, than work in a fully lit room. The only light on was the bathroom light that leaked into the room and gave everything a sort of orange-yellow glow. Dan smiled at the older boy who was sitting in the desk chair, now facing him and waiting for Dan to make the next move. Dan wasn’t going to try and be sexy like Phil always managed to do, he just wanted to learn so that he could give something back to Phil in the future. He slid off of the bed and onto his knees in front of Phil. The older boy looked down at him with the most compassionate of looks. As excited as he was, he still seemed concerned and this was the part where Phil looked at Dan as if he were made of something fragile. Something that could break at any moment if anything were to go wrong. He looked up into Phil’s eyes and he slid his hands up Phil’s leg. Phil’s breath already hitched.

“I haven’t even done anything yet,” Dan nervously laughed.

“I know, I know. You just look so...” Phil bit his lip. “God Dan, you’re so attractive.”

“I just want to remind you,” Dan started softly. “This is my first time doing _anything_ like this. So please-”

Phil smiled and reached out to play with his hair slightly when Dan tapered off his sentence about Phil being patient. He knew Phil would be. That was something he was always good at.

“Don’t worry, Dan. I’m sure anything you do will be perfectly fine,” Phil comforted. “And you’re sure you want to do this?”

As always, Phil put Dan’s needs before his. It was totally sweet but Dan needed to do this. He needed to overcome this.

Instead of nodding or giving any sort of answer, he decided the best plan of action would be to get Phil’s pants off. He kept his eye contact with Phil as he reached up and grabbed the waistline of his boyfriend’s pants. Tugging slightly, Phil lifted his bum off the chair briefly and let Dan tug the fabric down. Now that he was wearing boxers, the reality of how big Phil was, really sank in. His cock was only a few inches away from his face and it was super intimidating. He felt his eyes go wide when he gave Phil’s bulge a look and Phil slightly chuckled. He was obviously proud. Dan looked up at Phil with an expression of disbelief and Phil smirked, reaching down to peel off his shirt.

Phil was now wearing nothing but his boxers and socks, Dan’s head in-between his legs, his cock level with Dan’s face. Dan reached down to adjust his own length which had grown in size since he slid onto the floor altogether. He was admiring Phil’s bare chest. His happy trail that led his eyes right down and underneath the boxers.

Dan thought about the things that Phil often did to him and he decided that he needed to do something. He delicately brought his mouth to Phil’s inner thigh and pressed his lips to it gently.

“One,” he placed the kiss deliberately and then kissed the other side just as softly, if not softer. By doing this, he signaled the other boy to spread his legs a little more. “Two.”

Phil leaned his head back and let out a shuddered breath. Dan knew the power he had over Phil right now. Had they been switched, Dan would be halfway to coming already. He realized how long Phil had been waiting for this and Dan’s agonizingly slow pace probably didn’t help. He pressed the guilt down though and kissed again, this time getting dangerously close to the clothed area between Phil’s legs.

“Three,” he pulled his mouth away and looked up at Phil who was taking deep breaths, waiting for Dan to make a move. Dan slid his hands up Phil’s thighs, took a deep breath and then slid his right hand overtop of Phil’s underwear. He had forgot about his injury on the other hand, so this one would have to do. He felt Phil’s cock underneath his palm, warm and heavy, and he felt Phil shiver underneath him.

“Oh God, Dan, I want you so bad,” Phil muttered. His eyes were squinted shut and he was gripping the side of the chair. Dan had done barely anything and Phil was already falling apart beneath him. This was the confidence boost that he needed. Dan smiled a little and pressed another kiss to Phil’s thigh as he palmed Phil’s member a little more.

“Four,” This was already further than Dan had gone before. This part was surprisingly easy though. Imagining like it was his own cock, he knew what to do.

After about a minute of doing that, he decided he needed to put Phil out of his misery. He hadn’t even got to the good part yet. He could feel Phil’s boxers getting wet with precome and he took a deep breath. He always wondered what come tasted like. He slid his hand up and hooked it in the waistline of Phil’s boxer shorts, his nails making contact with what appeared to be the bottom of Phil’s happy trail. Phil’s cock twitched against his hand as he slowly pulled the boxers down and off of the boy’s legs.

Phil had always kept his cock out of sight. Either the room was dark or his hands were down his own pants, so this was the first time he had ever seen Phil’s cock so completely. He stared at the hunk of flesh that laid before him. He was amazed with not only his size but his shape. Phil’s cock was beautiful. Dan couldn’t tell if it actually was or if his brain was just telling him these things to calm him down. Surprisingly, he was pretty relaxed. He reached his hand forward and wrapped it around Phil’s shaft, causing a whimper to leave the other boy’s lips. Phil’s cock was so warm and soft, he started stroking it slowly as he scooted his body a little closer. He had never had anyone else’s dick in his hands before so he worked it like he would his own. Putting pressure in the spots he usually liked. Phil’s tip was only inches from Dan’s mouth and Phil could probably feel his sporadic breathing on his flesh. His eyes were shut though and his head had fallen back in anticipation. His chest was heaving at each stroke. Dan loved what he was doing to Phil. He wished he had the guts to do this a long time ago.

Dan took a deep breath, then he pressed his lips to the underside of Phil’s cock. Baby steps. Phil hummed at the contact.

“Five,” Dan kept stroking and then moved his mouth to the bottom of the older boy’s shaft, kissing the soft flesh right above the balls. “Six.”

Dan bought some time as he stroked a little faster, clutching the older boy harder than he was before. He could tell he was torturing him. His hands were clearly nothing in comparison to what his mouth could do. Dan needed to take that leap and just do it. This already hadn’t been as scary as he thought it would be, the desire to please Phil had taken over. Thinking back to the first time they kissed, only good could come of a leap like this. He looked up at Phil who had now tilted his head to meet his eyes, then he broke eye contact and put the other boy into his mouth. Phil’s head returned to its original position with a groan and Dan closed his own eyes. The sensation was strange, the heated flesh twitched on his tongue and he could hear Phil’s gasping breathes. He let Phil’s cock sit on his tongue for a moment before he started to pull it into his mouth further like Phil did to him. He moved his tongue along the shaft and gripped Phil’s thighs as he started to slowly bob his head. He was careful not to let his teeth scrape against Phil’s member, moving slow to achieve this goal.

“Ooh Dan,” Phil muttered with a shaky breath, reaching for Dan with one of his hands. His hand landed on the back of Dan’s head and he threaded his fingers into the younger boy’s hair. Dan liked the reaction he was getting so he bobbed his head a little faster, hollowing out his cheeks like Phil did, pressing Phil’s cock to the roof of his mouth. Phil moaned for him, sending shivers down Dan’s spine. Dan had to fight a smile while he felt his boyfriend writhe beneath him.

He kept Phil in his mouth for a couple minutes, experimenting with his tongue, tasting his hot flesh and getting used to the idea of Phil’s length filling his mouth. Phil seemed content with what was happening so far, the more Phil’s hand gripped the hair in the back of his head, the faster Dan would suck. He finally pulled off though, taking a couple of deep breathes through his mouth. Phil looked down, his eyes glazed over with pleasure and he smiled at Dan who was back to stroking his boyfriend’s now soaking wet cock. He kept eye contact as he kissed the tip of Phil’s now throbbing member.

“Seven.”

“How are you even-” Phil gasped when Dan put only the tip of his cock into his mouth and sucked lightly like he loved Phil doing to him. “-keeping track?”

Dan let his tongue slowly explore Phil’s tip as he flicked it over his slit. Phil moaned and Dan hesitated before deciding he wanted to try something else. Something Phil wouldn’t expect him to try. Phil was already teetering. Dan could tell. He was breathing erratically and gripping his hair with shaky hands. He had to do it now if he wanted to do it before Phil came.

He closed his eyes, took Phil’s cock into his mouth all the way and then he pushed it further. He balled his fists on top of Phil’s thighs and swallowed the older boy’s length. His nose connected with the base and he felt Phil’s body jerk a little in surprise.

“Dan! You don’t have to-”

Dan bobbed his head with Phil’s cock down his throat, ignoring Phil’s outburst and shutting him up. Phil replaced his words with a loud moan.

“Dan-” he whimpered. “I’m gonna-”

Dan was lost in the pleasure of making Phil feel good. He loved the power he had over the other boy. He kept waiting for his gag reflex to kick in but it never did, he just concentrated on the feeling of Phil’s cock against his throat. He didn’t think about what would happen if he didn’t let go. He just wanted to taste and feel the boy inside his mouth forever. Dan loved the taste of Phil’s mouth and his cock was even better. It tasted and smelled so strongly like his boyfriend that it was hypnotizing.

“Dan-” Phil reminded him, not being able to hold it in any longer but Dan didn’t move. He pulled Phil’s cock out from down his throat but kept it in his mouth. He licked at it and sucked a little harder. That’s when he felt it. Phil’s hot liquid leaving the round tip. He squeezed his eyes shut and took it all as he heard Phil melt into him. He could feel the throbbing object eject itself into his hot mouth. Dan waited until Phil was done convulsing under him to pull his mouth off with a pop. Phil’s cock was quickly softening and Dan swallowed the come and saliva that was sitting on his tongue. The taste wasn’t great. He wasn’t going to lie to himself. But at least he knew now and Phil seemed impressed. He was panting and staring at the ceiling, his head thrown back and his hair sticking to his forehead with sweat. His hand fell from the back of Dan’s head and he let out a long shaky breath. “Wow.”

Dan stared up at his body, watching his chest rise and fall and he smiled. Phil was so beautiful. He never got a chance to look at him like this. He was the one who was always blissed out after Phil finished with him.

But Dan had only got to seven. He needed to keep his promise. He leaned forward and kissed Phil’s almost flaccid cock.

“Eight,” he scooted up a little, kissing the piece of skin right beneath his navel. “Nine.”

Dan rose off of his knees and brought his lips to Phil’s sternum.

“Ten,” he was now whispering the words in a tone that Phil could probably barely hear. He hesitated for a moment, then brought his lips up to Phil’s mouth, which was gaping open as Phil breathed through it. He landed a very soft kiss on his bottom lip. “Eleven.”

Dan was still fully clothed, now towering over his naked boyfriend. Phil closed his legs now that Dan was not placed between them and Dan straddled him on the chair. Dan was now extremely hard under his pants, his dick pressed against Phil’s bare tummy. He hoped Phil wouldn’t notice though. He wanted this to be about Phil, not him. Dan looked down at Phil’s smile. The other boy cleared his throat.

“Thank you,” Phil squeaked. “For the kisses.”

“Well, you deserved them. You got your paper done,” Dan touched his nose onto Phil’s. His boyfriend’s hands were resting on his hips.

“You’re a natural,” Phil laughed slightly, putting one of his hands on Dan’s chest. “I can’t believe you swallowed.”

“Yeah, me neither,” Dan grimaced a little. “I’m not going to lie, not the best taste in the world.”

“I figured you’d say that,” Phil nodded and scratched Dan’s chest where his hand was placed. “That’s okay. You didn’t have to you know.”

“I know,” Dan leaned forward and kissed Phil, hoping the taste of his lips would dilute the sticky liquid’s remnants. “I wanted to.”

“You’re amazing.”

“No Phil, that’s you,” Dan smiled and pushed his forehead against his boyfriend’s. Both of them were out of breath, clearly for different reasons.

“Hey, you wanna move from this chair? My bum is kinda sore,” Phil suggested. Dan nodded and climbed off of Phil. Phil stood and stretched a little, then moved to Dan’s bed, flopping backward onto it and putting his hands under his head. He didn’t even bother to pick up or put on his clothes. He had left enough room for Dan’s body next to him and Dan went to climb in when Phil stopped him. “Don’t tell me you’re keeping all those clothes on.”

“I uh...” Dan looked down at his fully clothed body and then looked at Phil who had one of his hands lying carefully over his crotch. Phil was very comfortable with his own body, Dan on the other hand, was not. Phil was sort of playing with his soft cock absentmindedly and Dan bit his lip, suddenly very aware of how hard he was. “Yeah okay.”

Dan stripped his shirt, Phil watching him as he threw it to the ground. He gulped and then took off his pants. His boxers were not hiding anything. His erection was very clear under the fabric.

“Aww, Dan,” Phil suddenly looked sympathetic. “You want me to take care of that? I totally forgot t-”

“No, Phil, it’s okay. Let this one be about you,” Dan quoted Phil from the first time Phil had done this to him. Phil smiled in awe at the younger boy and then nodded. He opened his arms to signal to Dan that he should climb into the bed with him. Dan climbed in and pressed his body to Phil’s. His erection pressed itself on Phil’s thigh and he saw Phil raise his eyebrow.

“You sure, Dan? That’s quite the problem you got there,” he chuckled. Dan blushed. He felt his cock twitch a little at the thought but he decided that he could wait. This wasn’t about him. The erection would fade. He wanted Phil’s memory of this to last forever. He nodded and kissed Phil’s shoulder.

“I’m good, I promise.”

“Alright,” Phil breathed out and closed his eyes. They were lying on top of Dan’s sheets and they did so in silence for a few moments. Dan watched and admired the way Phil’s chest rose and fell. Dan raised his hand and placed it on Phil’s chest, feeling the small patches of chest hair that covered his sternum. “I’m really proud of you, Dan.”

Dan was taken aback by this comment. He wasn’t quite sure what Phil meant.

“You’ve come such a long way since I’ve met you,” Phil traced the skin on Dan’s neck lightly with his fingers. Dan was very sensitive there and it made him smile.

“Well Phil, you are a pretty convincing guy,” Dan licked his lips and eyed the naked boy beside him.

“I don’t just mean with sex,” Phil said, acknowledging what Dan meant. “I mean in general. You’ve grown so much. When I met you, you were scared to even talk without being spoken to.”

Phil was right. Dan was a private guy before Phil came around. He rarely spoke and when he did it was only when he was being forced to. Dan often thought about the good things that came from meeting Phil, his confidence increase was one of them.

“Well, I have you to thank for that.”

“Not true. It was there all along. You just needed someone to force you into expressing yourself,” Phil pushed him playfully.

“I guess you’re right.”

“I know we haven’t come out yet, but you’ve stopped denying that you’re gay,” a smile crept across Phil’s face. “I mean, you did just have my _dick_ in your mouth.”

Dan’s eyes went wide. Pretending he hadn’t realized it before.

“That was your _penis_? Oh! I thought it was your _weenus_!” he laughed. “My mistake.”

“Oh shut up. My point is, I’m proud of you,” Phil pulled him into his grasp tighter. “I’m glad I got to watch it all happen.”

“If I’m not mistaken, I think your eyes were closed for most of that moment. You weren’t _watching_ anything,” Dan smirked. He was allowed to be cocky. He just gave his first blowjob.

“Oh right, right. I guess you’ll just have to do it again,” Phil put his hand over Dan’s hand and guided it down to his crotch. Dan flinched a little when his hand made contact with Phil’s cock again. He wasn’t expecting it to be as hard as it was.

“Holy shit. Phil!” Dan raised his head and looked at Phil’s cock which was growing in size. Dan knew that Phil had been joking about giving him another blowjob, but Phil wasn’t joking about being aroused. “You _just_ came!”

“I know, but I’m thinking about the way you-”

“Phil!”

“Sorry, sorry,” Dan pulled his hand away from Phil’s member, realizing that having his hand on it was probably not helping in the slightest. “That’s enough for one night.”

“You’re ridiculous,” Dan shook his head and watched as the older boy smiled at the ceiling.

“Oh just you wait. It gets better than blowjobs, Dan.”

“How do you mean?”

“Well there’s far more to gay sex than just putting your dicks down each other’s throats,” Phil laughed as he probably noticed Dan’s face blushing. 

“I know,” Dan answered. If he was being honest, he had spent an entire night googling, trying to figure out the logistics of it all. He knew that eventually they would get there. He had seen the gay porn but never really spent the time to think about it. He still hadn’t come around to the idea of anything going into his ass, let alone it feeling good.

“Have you ever fingered yourself, Dan?” Phil asked. Dan would claim that it was out of the blue, but he should have seen that coming. He was just as thrown off though. The question made him shift a little.

“What?”

“Fingered yourself. Have you ever?” Phil repeated the question in a different order as if that was going to make it better. Dan blushed harder.

“No...I’ve never...” Dan started, not wanting to say the words out loud. Phil looked at him with intrigued eyes.

“Sorry if this is insensitive, but I’m _so_ glad that you’re a virgin,” Phil spoke with excitement. Dan was pretty insecure about the fact he had never got any before this point but for some reason the way Phil said it made it alright.

“How come?”

“Because I get to show you everything. And I just...” Phil brought his hand down to Dan’s bum. He drew little circles on his cheek with his finger making Dan shiver. “I just love watching you experience it all for the first time.”

As embarrassing as it was, Dan couldn’t argue with that. It worked both ways. He was glad that he had someone like Phil to take him through everything slowly and carefully as much as Phil was glad to have someone he could teach. He couldn’t help but wonder what Phil’s first time was like though. Phil had far more experience than he did in that department. He hesitated for a moment and then remembered that Phil was much more open about all of this than he was. He took the risk and just asked.

“What was your first time like?”

They rarely talked about their sex lives. It just wasn’t something that came up. Dan tended to skirt around the topic and they never really needed to talk about it before. Dan didn’t have much of a sexual history aside from barely making it to second base in secondary school. Without having anything to share with Phil, he never figured it’d be appropriate to ask.

“You don’t want to hear about that, Dan,” Phil said, most likely trying to protect Dan’s overactive imagination. But Dan was more secure now, especially after what he had just done. He wanted to hear about Phil’s past. He wanted to know what he had experienced before Dan.

“Yes I do,” Dan argued, he scratched lightly at Phil’s chest. Phil put his hand over Dan’s, increasing their contact.

“Well,” Phil hesitated, looking at Dan with those gorgeous blue eyes. “My first time was actually with a girl.”

“A girl?”

“Yeah. And it wasn’t that great. Honestly. I thought that maybe it was just her, but when I met Troye, I realized that it might have been me,” Dan’s stomach dropped.

“Wait. You had sex with Troye?” Dan sat up a little and he noticeably distanced himself from the older boy. Phil laughed and shook his head, pulling Dan back into his arms.

“No, no. I didn’t. I liked him a lot. He’s kind of the reason I figured out I liked boys. I didn’t have sex again though until I met Alex,” Phil smiled and pet Dan’s head. Dan should have known that Alex’s name would come up. Without even noticing, his hand went to his scabbing knuckle and he itched at the scabs. Phil didn’t seem to notice either. “Alex took me through all the firsts when it came to gay sex. He wasn’t too bad honestly. It was only towards the end when he, ya know.”

“Right...” Dan nodded, watching Phil’s smile fade slightly. He kissed Phil’s shoulder again in an attempt to show some sort of support.

“But I was scared to do it too. It took me a long time, months actually, to be ready,” Phil added. That made Dan feel better. At least Phil understood why they had to move so slowly. Phil grabbed Dan’s hand which was good because he was just about to pick open one of his scabs. “I would never rush you.”

Dan sat in silence for a moment, appreciating how warm Phil was against him.

“Does it hurt?”

“What?”

“Does it hurt? Sex?” Dan was talking specifically about the sex they were going to end up having, but he assumed Phil knew that.

“Not if you do it right,” Phil responded. He kissed the top of Dan’s head in a comforting way. “I would never hurt you, Dan.”

“Okay,” Dan closed his eyes and tried not to show how worried he actually was. He didn’t need to worry about it now. He hadn’t even thought about putting anything up there in the first place, he just wasn’t ready yet.

“If you want...” Phil started, eyeing Dan as if asking for permission to carry on. “The next time you’re in the shower, try it out. See how it feels.”

“What, sticking a finger up my ass?”

“Well don’t put it like that,” Phil laughed and made a face. “I think you’ll be surprised.”

“You don’t want to be present for that as well?” Dan teased.

“Dan, there will be plenty of time for me to stick my fingers up your ass. But not if you aren’t ready,” Phil kissed Dan on the lips then, humming when Dan kissed him back. “Just experiment. We’ll take it from there.”

“Okay. I will,” Dan nodded and looked into Phil’s comforting eyes. Lying there with him was so comfortable and familiar. His erection had faded slightly, he was actually quite sleepy. “Hey, Phil?”

“Hm?”

“Will you sleep in my bed tonight?” Dan looked up at Phil with his brown eyes, trying to be as adorable as possible. He knew Phil couldn’t resist that look. “Please?”

“Of course, Love,” Phil smiled and pulled the younger boy into his chest. He had never called Dan anything other than _Dan_ and the occasional _Bear_. Dan wasn’t one for pet names but if he was being honest, anything Phil called him made him melt. “As long as I don’t have to put on clothes.”

“I would never ask you to,” Dan winked and nodded. He didn’t even care that the bathroom light was still on, he reached down and grabbed the blanket from the foot of the bed and threw it over them. Phil let him get comfortable beside him and they fell asleep just like that after they shared one more goodnight kiss.  



	25. Chapter 25

Dan opened his eyes and the first thing he saw were Phil’s blue ones. Phil was already awake and it seemed that he had been watching Dan as he slept. He just closed his eyes again and snuggled closer into Phil.

“Why do you do that?” Dan asked him, his voice deeper than usual. It always was when he first woke up.

“Do what?” Phil smiled and pushed Dan’s hair behind his ear.

“Watch me while I sleep. You know you can get up if you want.”

“Yeah, but then you might wake up,” Phil poked the younger boy’s nose. “Besides, I wasn’t awake for long.”

“Uh huh, sure,” Dan teased as he opened his eyes again. “Even if I did wake up, I’d manage to go back to bed.”

“I just don’t want to disturb you,” Phil admitted, sitting up a little now that Dan wasn’t unconscious. Dan went to adjust his body’s position and then he squeezed his eyes shut in pain. His back felt super stiff and it hurt to move even the slightest bit.

“Oh my God, my back is killing me,” he mumbled, reaching back and trying to soothe it a little.

“Are you okay?” Phil instinctively reached out and rubbed his hands up the younger boys back. “What happened?”

“I don’t know. Damnit,” Dan winced. “I think it’s these beds.”

“What do you mean?” Phil asked, clearly trying to find a way to help Dan with the pain.

“The beds are so small. It was a matter of time before my back started hurting like this,” Dan reflected upon the way he normally slept curled up against Phil. Without the room to spread out, his back was stuck in an S-shape for the entire night.

Dan groaned as he climbed out of the bed and waddled over to the bathroom where he took his morning piss. He glanced over to the shower and decided that the hot water may help.

“I’m gonna take a shower. You don’t need the bathroom, do you?” Dan yelled through the door, listening for Phil to object. When he didn’t hear him say anything, Dan nodded and turned on the hot water. It scolded his skin as he undressed and stepped into the constant stream that comforted the tight knot in his back. He relaxed his muscles and leaned into the water, letting it massage the kink that had formed. He lathered himself in his musky soap that smelled quite different next to Phil’s. Phil’s soap was so strong and Dan happily accepted how good it smelled, loving the way it flooded the bathroom after Phil showered. Sometimes Dan would even pop the lid of the bottle and give it a sniff while he was taking care of himself in the shower. However, today was not one of those days. He didn’t feel the need to take care of anything this morning. The conversation they had the night before popped into his head. He thought about the concept of putting any part of his body up his rear end but shook his head when the thought gave him a shiver down his spine. He decided he’d worry about that when he had a hard on that needed solving. Ducking his head under the warm stream, he sighed and stood there for minutes before he felt he had enough.

Turning off the water, he stepped out of the shower. Before wrapping himself in the towel, he used it to dry his hair. He let the hair stay in its frazzled position, unlocking the door and stepping into the bedroom. He stopped.

Phil was standing in the middle of the room with his hands on his hips, looking quite determined. Phil was now wearing jeans instead of the nothing he fell asleep in. But Dan was not concerned with Phil’s state of dress, he was too distracted by what Phil had done with the furniture. The whole room had been rearranged and Dan couldn’t help but furrow his brow in response.

“Phil. What did you do?” he asked, still in the bathroom doorframe. He ignored how cold the bedroom air was when he was dressed in so little. Phil turned around with a giant grin and bit his lip in excitement. He let Dan take it all in.

Phil had shifted Dan’s bed so it was pressed directly up to his own. He moved the desks over to where Dan’s bed once was and shifted the dressers and wardrobes to that they fit in the new arrangement. He had even taken the liberty of moving Dan’s TV and game system to the dresser conveniently placed at the foot and against the wall of their now combined beds. Phil had removed his duvet altogether and folded it neatly at the foot of the bed over top of Dan’s blankets that now stretched over the entirety of the surface.

“Now maybe your back won’t hurt,” Phil grinned and walked over to the bed, lifting the duvet and revealing the mattress covered in an unfamiliar white set of sheets. “My parents accidentally packed queen sized sheets when I first moved in and I had this theory that if I pushed together the twin mattresses, the sheet would go over it like a queen. And look! It worked!”

Phil was practically jumping with joy. Dan, after the initial shock hit him and once he was done marveling over how Phil managed to move all of the furniture by himself in less than 15 minutes, he grinned.

“Phil,” he laughed in disbelief. “This is awesome.”

He too walked over to the bed and inspected it.

“What about the crack in-between the mattresses? Is one of us going to fall in?” he pondered, trying to work out the logistics.

“I don’t know, I guess we’ll find out. Worst case, we go buy one of those fancy mattress pads to put on top and then we won’t even feel it. I’ve been meaning to get one of those anyway. These mattresses are honestly not that great,” Phil sighed. He was breathing rather heavily, probably because he had just moved a bunch of furniture and his body was still catching up. Dan finally turned to the boy who was standing there in nothing but jeans, his chest heaving slightly, probably half in excitement and half in exhaustion. Dan bit his lip. Phil wasn’t aware of how hot he looked standing there and even if he was, he was being particularly oblivious this morning. Dan embraced Phil in a hug, instantly remembering that he wasn’t wearing a shirt either and their chests collided. The skin on skin felt very nice, Phil’s chest warm and inviting as he wrapped his arms around his waist.

“Thanks, Phil,” he mumbled into his neck, appreciating the bare skin on Phil’s shoulder where his chin got to nuzzle. Phil pulled away and grabbed the younger by the bare shoulders and looked down at his towel.

“You have to go get dressed before we do anymore hugging or we might have a problem,” Phil admitted, adjusting his fly. Dan blushed a little and wrapped his towel around himself a little tighter, wandering over to his wardrobe that was now on the other side of the room. He opened it and swiped a t-shirt and some boxers.

Luckily it was a Saturday morning and the boys didn’t really have anything planned for the day. Dan was thinking about what he wanted to do. He was feeling rather antsy after a long school week. Finals were rapidly approaching and he was just about ready to give up. He didn’t have a paper to write this weekend so he was sifting through the possibilities of the day in his head. Maybe they could go to the shops and grab one of those mattress pads. Or maybe Phil would be willing to take Dan out on a date, something just the two of them. He didn’t really care, as long as it was with Phil.

He gathered up some pants and went into the bathroom to change, heating up his flat iron while he was in there. He figured he might as well put in the time to look good today. He wasn’t in any sort of rush.

After completing his morning routine, he stepped out of the bathroom to find Phil ready for the day as well. He had pulled on a Pokemon t-shirt and some black jeans that matched his hair. Dan looked him up and down and had to shake all of the dirty thoughts that had accumulated inside his head in the brief time it took to glance at his boyfriend.

“What do you want to do today, Phil?” Dan asked, shuffling over to his desk, rearranging some things that had been shaken up when Phil moved it all.

“I don’t know. Wanna go get pancakes? We haven’t done that in a while,” Phil commented, fidgeting with the TV and trying to get it to turn on. “But first, do you want to play a couple rounds of Mario Kart?”

“Sure,” Dan hopped onto the bed while he watched Phil mess with the TV and the game console. Finally, the game cube lit up and the game showed on the screen. Phil fell backwards on the bed once he handed Dan the controller and then mimicked the way Dan was sitting criss-cross on the foot of the bed. “This works out well actually.”

“Yeah. I figured it’s better than sitting on the floor,” Phil commented, setting up their game. Phil always liked to play as Player One. Dan didn’t mind because it meant that Phil got to adjust all the settings. “Now we can lie in bed _and_ play video games.”

“I guess we’re never going to get out of bed now, huh?” Dan laughed and got himself ready as Phil started their game.

They lost track of time and played for the rest of the morning. They had both woken up later than usual, but it was nearing lunch time when they heard a knock at the door. Dan paused the game and went to answer it, opening it to reveal a grinning PJ.

“Hey!” he waved and pretty much let himself in. Dan greeted him as well and when he noticed the look Phil was giving him in warning, it was too late. PJ had noticed the furniture that Dan had completely forgot about. It looked incriminating as hell and he knew it.

“Um...” PJ pointed to the bed that was now pretty much the main focus of the room. Dan’s face turned completely red and he begged Phil with his eyes to help him think of something. Anything that would explain why they pushed their beds together. Phil stumbled a little with his words and then nervously laughed.

“Ah, you like our fortress?” he joked. Where was he going with this? “Dan and I have been playing so many video games recently and there is just no room for a couch so we decided to give ourselves more room to play comfortably.”

Okay. That wasn’t too bad of an excuse. But they were still technically sharing a bed now and there was nothing that could really explain that. Phil didn’t even try. PJ didn’t look confused, however he almost looked concerned. Dan couldn’t put his finger on the reason until PJ decided to say what he was thinking out loud.

“But isn’t Phil gay?” he directed his horribly homophobic question towards Dan and then he turned to Phil. “No offense.”

“Taken,” Phil muttered, shaking his head and sighing. Phil got so much crap about all this that Dan was surprised he didn’t set PJ straight right then and there. Then again, he was glad Phil had such a low temper. Otherwise he’d be terrified that Phil would out him at any moment. Dan looked at his feet in an effort not to show the red in his cheeks and said nothing. He thought back to the conversation he had with Phil when they first moved in. Phil told him people might talk and he had to make sure he didn’t let it get to him.

“I mean, whatever guys. I’m just saying, it’s a little gay,” PJ laughed. The other two did not. Dan didn’t like the way he used the word. _Gay_ was not meant to be an insult and it was this ignorant use of the word that kept Dan from wanting to be associated with it in the first place.

“PJ, I would prefer you didn’t say it like that. It’s not like there’s anything wrong with being gay,” Dan said quietly. He felt Phil’s surprised eyes on him. “Plus, it’s 2009, two people can sleep next to each other and it doesn’t have to mean anything.”

Phil looked happy that Dan had spoken up. Dan was much more on the defense about what PJ and Chris said since their bowling night. Especially when Phil was around. PJ was always apologetic. Dan could tell that he didn’t mean to hurt anyone’s feelings, he just didn’t know any better. Spending so much time with Chris probably made it difficult as well. But Dan wished that he would try harder. Chris was slowly getting better but every now and then he would say something and immediately someone had to reprimand him. He didn’t always take it well and usually ended up leaving in frustration.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. You’re right. I couldn’t even see you two dating regardless. Phil’s too good for you anyway, huh Phil?”

PJ winked at Phil, the comment probably in an effort to repair the insult he had just dished out in Phil’s direction. Phil smiled at this remark. Probably not because of the comment itself but the hidden fact that he and Dan _were_ dating and hearing people say that they wouldn’t work was kind of funny.

“So other than having cheeky bum sex in your giant bed all day, what are your plans for the afternoon?” PJ asked them, he shoved a hand in his pocket. Dan cringed at the words _cheeky bum sex_ , Phil kind of chuckling at them as he answered for the two of them.

“We were going to go get pancakes for lunch. Care to join us?” he extended the invitation to the boy who had just insulted him only a minute beforehand. Dan was shocked but it only made him like Phil that much more. He was such a good guy. Dan knew that Phil tried extra hard with his friends, trying to prove that he could get along with them. His patience never ceased to impress him. Dan thought about the zero effort he put in when he met Troye, the minimal effort he put in when he met Tyler before literally fleeing the room and then he thought about the effort he actually managed to put into interacting with Alex and he grabbed his knuckles, scratching at the wound again. He felt kind of bad about how Phil sacrificed so much just so that Dan could be happy, he wanted so desperately to do the same for him. Sadly Phil pretty much stuck to hanging out with Dan’s friends and sometimes they were shitty to him. Minus Louise. Louise was always a doll and was never crude or unaccepting of anyone. She was clearly Phil’s favorite. He must have seen something worthwhile in PJ and Chris though because he was always the one to invite them along.

“Yeah sure, that sounds fun. I really need to talk to you guys about something,” PJ said with relief. Now that PJ mentioned it, Dan noticed that his hands were deep in his pockets, fidgeting with something. His playful mood seemed to be a front for something that was clearly on his mind.

PJ watched as they finished up their last round of Mario Kart celebrating Phil’s victory, then Dan and Phil put their shoes on and got ready to go. It was weird being with another person. They had pretty much gone the whole week without seeing many others. Louise visited a few times but she knew they were an item and the PDA had become custom around her. As they were walking to the diner, Dan noticed that Phil’s hand would brush up against his own as they walked side by side. While PJ and Phil were deep in a conversation involving dragons and magicians, Dan let his mind travel. He thought about how kind Phil was and how much he admired the older boy. He wasn’t sure if it was the morning after sex feeling or the fact that he just worshiped the other boy in general, but his heart was tugging at him when he thought about how much he liked his boyfriend. The butterflies in his stomach would have normally worried him but he passed it off as hunger and kept walking, watching the raven haired boy as he talked to PJ.

They sat in the same booth they always did at the Diner. The waitress had pretty much reserved it for them now and the two boys sat butt to butt. PJ didn’t seem to notice and if he had, he was polite enough not to make a remark. That, or there was something else on his mind.

“PJ, is something wrong? You seem a little on edge,” Dan brought up. Phil had been looking over the menu for the price of a side of bacon and he looked up to take in PJ’s appearance. He seemed to nod in agreement and let Dan carry on. “You want to talk about it?”

“There _is_ something that’s been bothering me a little lately,” PJ admitted, wringing his hands together. He was a pretty outspoken guy. It was strange seeing him in such a flustered state. He hesitated for a long while, his silence being interrupted by the cheery waitress that took their orders. It wasn’t hard because pancakes were the regular. The only variation was that this time, Phil wanted bacon. When the waitress walked away with their orders, PJ cleared his throat and spilled the beans. “You know when you really like someone...but you don’t think they like you back the same way?”

Dan and Phil fought not to look at each other. They were both relatively surprised that PJ chose to bring it up to them in the first place.

“Sure,” Dan nodded, trying to let PJ know that he was listening even if he didn’t know _exactly_ the way he was feeling. But he noted that Phil probably did.

“Well, I think I may have fallen for someone that hasn’t got the same feelings for me. And I’m not sure if I should just give up or keep working at it,” he spoke slowly. Dan wondered who PJ was talking about. He figured that Chris would know more about PJ’s personal life than Dan and Phil would. They were closer after all. Dan wasn’t sure who PJ hung out with when he wasn’t around their little group. But Dan was flattered PJ had come to them for advice anyway. Phil was looking at PJ with skeptical eyes and Dan assumed that he was also trying to figure out who PJ had a little crush on. “Thing is, I think the person does really fancy me. I just don’t think they realize it.”

“How do you know?” Dan asked, simultaneously trying to think about every girl he had seen PJ with the last couple weeks.

“I don’t know. I can just feel it,” he muttered, clearly frustrated by his own emotions. “But this is just...so foreign to me.”

“Haven’t you had a few girlfriends before? How is this any different?” Dan didn’t mean for it to come out so rudely but he figured PJ wouldn’t be thinking about that right now.

“This time it is. I really like them and I don’t want to fuck it up,” he sounded slightly sad. It didn’t seem like this relationship was going to go anywhere with that attitude. “I’m worried I’ll ruin it all if I bring it up.”

Dan hummed sympathetically. He turned to Phil because he was hoping the older boy would have something to offer but Phil was still staring skeptically at PJ and Dan nudged him to knock it off. Phil furrowed his brow and looked into his lap. Dan refocused his attention to PJ and thought about a possible response. He didn’t want to tell PJ to go for it because he didn’t have enough information on the girl. Dan knew he was kind of a wimp and he wasn’t about to tell PJ to take a risk he wouldn’t take himself.

“What did Chris tell you? Has he met this girl?” Dan asked, hoping to gain the perspective from someone who was perhaps a bit closer to PJ than he was.

“Well, I came to you guys first because-”

“Because you have no idea how to tell Chris you like him.” Phil stated flatly, finishing PJ’s sentence. Both boys turned their startled heads in Phil’s direction. The older boy had folded his arms across his chest and had one eyebrow raised in question. Dan’s jaw was dropped and his eyes were wide, PJ mirroring his expression.

“ _Phil_.” Dan scolded through his teeth. He didn’t usually have to say anything to Phil for speaking out of line but this was not the time for jokes and no matter what his beef with PJ or Chris was, he needed to respect their friend’s problem.

“No no, Dan. It’s okay,” PJ spoke dejectedly. He looked up at Phil’s blue eyes. “He’s right.”

There was a moment of silence as Dan processed this information. Dan was definitely not prepared for this.

“I’ve been thinking really hard about this for a while now. Chris and I get along so well and I thought it was because we were just really good friends - kind of like you two - but it started feeling sort of different after a little while. I started wanting more. And I tried to deny it. I really did, but I guess this kind of thing doesn’t go away,” PJ spoke. This time he wasn’t really looking at Dan, he was looking at Phil. It was clear he wanted Phil’s advice. “But you know how Chris is. He _just_ started accepting you, Phil. I’m so worried that if I tell him I also like guys he’ll just be mad. Then trying to tell him I have a crush on him, of all people. This whole thing is so tedious.”

Dan could see immediately where PJ was coming from. Chris was difficult. Dan, being a closeted gay himself, was baffled by PJ’s taste in men. He didn’t mean to be thinking this way about his friends, but what about Chris made him appealing at all? Maybe PJ knew a Chris that he had never seen. That was pretty much the only explanation he could come up with.

“PJ, I’m going to be honest with you, I think Chris isn’t the guy for you,” Phil told him. “It’s tough enough coming out in the first place, throwing in the fact that you like _Chris_ is just adding fuel to the fire. You might want to give it up with that one.”

“Yeah...that’s what I figured you’d say,” PJ sighed.

“Or,” Dan started slowly, shooting Phil a hesitant glance. “You could tell Chris that you are interested in guys and start there. I don’t think he’ll judge you. He’s your best friend. He should love you no matter what.”

“But what if he’s mad?”

“What is there to be mad about? You can’t change who you are. If you’re gay, bisexual, whatever you decide to be, it should be none of his concern,” Dan responded. “Or anyone else’s for that matter. Why do you care?”

Dan could feel Phil’s eyes on him as he spoke. When he glanced over at the older boy, he saw the smug look that was plastering his face. Phil was clearly proud of him and it made Dan feel really good.

“I guess you’re right...” PJ looked down at his lap. “And I’m definitely not gay. I still like pussy, Mate.”

“Okay, whatever. You’re allowed to be whoever you want to be,” Dan smiled at the other boy. “No judgment here.”

“Can I ask you a question, Phil?” PJ looked desperate, like a sad puppy that had lost it’s way. Phil nodded when PJ glanced in his direction. “Have you ever liked someone that wasn’t gay? How did you get over them?”

Dan’s stomach sank. Phil let out a little chuckle and PJ looked confused.

“It happens. And when it does, it sucks,” Phil commented, losing the smile and talking seriously for a moment. “At first you get mad. Questioning how you could have let yourself fall for someone that was straight. Then you start to think about what would happen if you told them. And from there, you either tell them or you don’t. If I’ve learned anything though, it’s that it is a lot less painful if you just tell them. Because if they’re really your friend, then it won’t change anything. And if you’re lucky...”

Dan felt Phil’s hand creep onto his thigh.

“...and if you’re lucky, they might actually feel the same way. You never really know until you say something.”

Dan blushed a little at Phil’s words and the feeling of his hand on his leg. He decided to throw something in as well.

“PJ, I think you should tell Chris. Maybe try to avoid telling him you like _him_ , but see what he says about being bisexual. He might be more supportive than you think,” Dan told him. “And no matter what, remember that you always have us. We’re here for you.”

“Well thanks, guys,” PJ slumped back in the booth. “I appreciate the solid advice.”

There was a moment of silence and then Phil spoke the thing that was apparently still on both of their minds.

“But PJ...” he made a face. “ _Chris_?”

“Shut up. I can’t control it,” PJ visibly blushed and Dan kind of snorted. Their pancakes were delivered then and they began to chow down. “I wish I could explain what it’s like to you guys. We are such good friends but there is just something more. I can feel it.”

“I think we understand,” Phil answered a little too quickly with a smirk. Dan nudged him with his leg.

“Where is Chris anyway? Don’t you normally do stuff with him on Saturdays?” Dan asked, a mouthful of pancake.

“Yeah, he went home for the weekend. I’ve just been wallowing. I thought that maybe while he was gone I would stop thinking about him in that way but,” PJ sighed. “Alas, the thought remains.”

Dan nodded and they finished their pancakes. The conversation went back to casual subjects and they chatted about school and summer break. It was nice to finally revert back to normal conversation. As much as Dan liked to help other people, PJ’s problem struck a little close to home. He could only imagine how Phil felt. But Phil crunched happily on his bacon and when it was time to leave the diner, they said their goodbyes to PJ, wishing him luck, and headed towards the shops. They had decided to go buy the bed pad while they were out, saving them an extra trip and telling PJ they needed to go get more bath tissue. PJ headed back to campus and the boys started in the opposite direction.

It wasn’t until Dan and Phil were stood in the back of Tesco that Phil brought it up again.

“That was some good advice you gave, Dan,” Phil said after a few minutes of silence. He gave the younger boy a playful nudge. Dan smiled and looked to the floor. “How come you can tell PJ all that and not do it yourself?”

“Haven’t you ever heard the expression _it’s easier said than done_?” Dan replied, having the answer ready. He had known the moment he was telling PJ to come out that Phil would bring it up later.

“Yeah..” Phil pulled the mattress pad they found on the top shelf down and into the cart that Dan was reluctantly pushing. “But is it?”

“Yes.” Dan sighed and stopped the cart. “I don’t know why I’m such a wuss, okay? I’m just not ready yet.”

Phil looked at him with eyes that Dan hadn’t really seen on him before. Yeah, Dan had just said something a little testy but nothing that could directly hurt Phil. Dan was getting the sense that Phil was growing tired of being his dirty little secret. It was clear that Phil wanted to come out. Not just to Dan’s friends but to everyone. Dan was just not ready for that. He couldn’t even rationalize it. He just couldn’t bring his mind to accept the idea yet. After another second of Phil’s gaze, Phil nodded once and took the cart from Dan, pushing it further down the isle. Dan felt a little guilty but he knew Phil understood.

Luckily Phil didn’t stay annoyed for long. When they passed the sweets isle, he instinctively grabbed a box of Maltesers for Dan which made Dan smile immensely and he reached over to subtly stroke the other boy’s hand. It was only for a moment because when Dan caught glimpse of some older lady turning the corner, he ripped his hand away and their hands fell further apart.

Walking in silence to the register took longer than they thought it would - or maybe the silence was throwing Dan off. Dan could tell that Phil wasn’t the happiest of campers and he wasn’t going to blame him. He knew he was the one that caused this feeling in the first place.

“Hey, Dan?” Phil asked out of nowhere. At least he was attempting to break the stressful silence as they got closer to the front.

“Hm?” Dan wasn’t sure whether this was going to be good or bad so he braced himself and his eyes avoided the older boy’s gaze.

“What do you want for your birthday?” Phil asked. He could tell that Phil had been glancing around for ideas and Dan was aware that he was a difficult person to shop for. He hadn’t really given Phil anything to work with and he wasn’t the type to need much at all.

“I don’t need anything, Phil. Don’t worry about it,” he just gave Phil a smile, hoping that he wouldn’t put too much of his own time into the gift. Dan loved gifts, he just didn’t want to inconvenience Phil. They had only been dating for a couple months anyway. If they were going to last, like Dan hoped they might, then Phil would have forever to get him something. All he wanted right now was to be with the guy he had spent the last few months with.

“Are you suggesting I be the worst boyfriend ever and get you nothing at all?” Phil laughed as he said it. Dan realized that if Phil had asked the same of him, he would have protested as well. That would be pretty rude, he had to admit. Plus, Phil wasn’t the type of guy to _not_ give someone a birthday present.

“No. I’m just saying that there isn’t really anything that I want,” Dan claimed as they finally reached the front of the shop. He placed the Maltesers on the conveyer belt. “I like these a lot.”

Dan gave the chocolate sweets a look of endearment and Phil rolled his eyes.

“So you’re gonna make me guess?” Phil raised his eyebrows and nodded. He pulled his wallet out of his pocket and paid for the items before Dan could even protest. “Okay. Whatever. But watch out, you might get a shitty gift.”

“Anything from you will be fine. Please. Don’t stress out about it,” Dan smiled politely at the woman who was bagging their massive item. He was shocked that there was a bag big enough to hold the mattress pad in the first place. Dan grabbed the giant bag and suggested that Phil carry the little bag with the chocolate in it. Phil almost wouldn’t let him, but when Dan threw in the fact that Phil had paid for everything, the older boy shut up.

When they got back, Dan helped Phil make the bed and as they did, Dan wondered why PJ had made the comments that he had made earlier that day if he had been questioning his sexuality all weekend. The poor guy must have been beating himself up about it until their conversation at lunch. If Dan thought that being gay was an obstacle, even with Phil helping him out every step of the way, he couldn’t imagine what it would be like to be PJ and going through the same thing.

“Poor PJ,” he said out loud as they tried to adjust the fitted sheet that for some reason fit even better across the two mattresses when there was a pad on top of them.

“What?” Phil was clearly thrown off. It had come from nowhere.

“I feel bad for PJ. It’s hard enough as it is, I’m just trying to imagine going through all this but instead of with you, with Chris.”

“Well don’t do that,” Phil chuckled. “I like you much better with me, thank you very much.”

“You know what I mean,” Dan rolled his eyes at Phil’s attempt at humor. He knew this was a sensitive subject and he appreciated that Phil was at least making light of it.

“Hey, I’m sorry by the way,” Phil added. Dan cocked his head and looked up.

“For what?”

“I shouldn’t have said what I said at the store. It was insensitive. I’m sorry,” Phil was referring to the moment he questioned Dan and if Dan was being honest, he was shocked that he was getting an apology for that one.

“Oh, well it’s fine. I know it’s hard,” Dan tried, not sure how to respond really.

“It is. But I can do it. I need you to know that,” Phil assured. “We have time. I just, get so impatient sometimes. I am just really proud, is all.”

Dan understood. There were days where he too wanted to walk around with Phil proudly on his arm. He wanted to prove to the whole world that Phil was his and nobody else’s. He was desperate for the opportunity to tell anyone and everyone. But he also feared it more than anything. He was terrified of the people like Chris who were misunderstood. He was so worried about the people at Tyler’s party who had so much negative energy that they took it out on others. He didn’t want to draw any more attention to himself than necessary. But every day he felt more and more comfortable with Phil. Every day he got closer and closer to the moment he could tell everyone. He could feel it. He just had to make sure Phil could feel it too.

“I know that,” Dan smiled at the older boy in an attempt to show his understanding. “It’s asking a lot.”

“But we’ve only been dating for about 2 months. It hasn’t been that long. I keep forgetting,” Phil laughed lightly. “I mean, it just feels like we’ve been going out for much longer.”

“I mean, we’ve only known each other for 3 months and it feels like years,” Dan nodded and they finished making the bed. Dan walked over to Phil so they could stand and admire their handiwork.

“I also wanted to thank you,” Phil said, not looking at Dan, but staring at their accomplishment. “For standing up for me like you did. That was really Ace.”

“ _Ace_ , Phil? Really?”

“Yeah,” he chuckled at his own little mannerism. “Really though. It meant a lot.”

“You’re welcome,” Dan nodded and scooted closer to Phil. It didn’t feel right to be standing so far away from the boy who was so clearly trying to make sure everything between them was fine.

“It’s how I know you’re getting there. You get closer every day,” Phil mentioned, pulling the slightly shorter boy into his arm. “Oh! That reminds me...”

Phil broke from their embrace and opened up the top drawer of his desk. He pulled out a little pocket calendar that had a couple dates circled in red on it.

“What is that?”

“Well. I was just thinking. You know how we said we would have a date on our two monthiversary?” Phil pointed to a specific circled date. “But see, that date is on the weekend of your birthday and I assumed that maybe you would want to go out with friends on that night. So I thought that maybe instead of going out then, we could go out on the 7th. Because that’s our three monthiversary of being friends.”

Dan stared at the little book in Phil’s hands. He was still caught up on the fact that Phil had called it their _monthiverary_.

“Um...yeah, that sounds okay to me,” Dan would say yes to anything. He wasn’t that particular when it came to dates. He knew Phil would do most of the planning and in that case, he was in. “We can just combine them.”

“Great! That gives me more options for your birthday anyway,” Phil said with the inflection of an excited child as he shut the little planner and threw it back into the drawer. Phil pulled the younger into his arms and squeezed him tight. He leaned down and kissed Dan’s nose which made him squirm a little in excitement. “Now Howell?”

“Hm?” 

“What do you say we try out this new bed of ours?” Phil attempted a wink at Dan and it took Dan a moment to figure out where he was going with the suggestion. He hastily agreed and before he knew it, he was being thrown onto the most comfortable bed he had ever lied on. Not only did they not even feel the gap between the mattresses, they had increased comfortability by at least six hundred percent. Perhaps it was the feeling of being surrounded by a cloud or maybe it was the way Phil was looking at him, he was all over the older boy. Their kissing became more intense and soon they were both completely naked and being caressed gently by the sheets. Dan started going down on Phil first which shocked even himself, but then Phil showed him that they could both partake in the activity at the same time and Dan had never been more aroused. Phil blew him and his mind at the same time, leaving him completely spent. They cleaned themselves up and then opted for a nap. Testing the mattress for what it was truly designed for.


	26. Chapter 26

Dan drummed his fingers on the table in front of him while he looked around the Diner. The place was so familiar to him yet when it was just him, it seemed so different. He finally took the time to notice the place itself instead of the people he usually came along with. He took in the red of the cushions and the alternating tiles on the floor. Tonight, he was waiting to meet Phil. Dan had arrived a little early, knowing that Phil was quite busy and had things to do that day. He assumed those things were birthday related, so Dan volunteered to meet him there at 6:30 so that Phil wouldn’t have to worry about walking back to campus to pick Dan up. This plan had been decided yesterday, but they originally brought it up almost exactly a week ago. The three month _friendaversary_ , which they decided would be a better word for it, would of course take place at the diner where they would get celebratory pancakes and reminisce on their few months together.

Dan was excited. Phil had become quite busy over the past week. This would be the first time in a few days that he would have actual time to hang out with Phil. Dan didn’t mind. When Phil got busy, he made himself busy. He did have a life before Phil after all and he knew how to entertain himself. Phil had been studying an excessive amount and Dan could tell that he had become stressed. He would climb out of their bed rather early in the morning to hit the books, leaving Dan to snuggle with empty sheets.

For the first time ever, Phil actually rejected Dan’s offer to study together. A couple days ago, Dan offered to help Phil study and Phil declined, proceeding to remove himself from the room altogether and going to the library. He told Dan that he had other people from his classes that he was studying with and while it made sense that Phil would study with classmates that knew the material, he still felt a little jealous.

Dan didn’t think twice about it however, understanding that schoolwork came before anything else. Dan wasn’t doing so hot in his classes either so it only gave him a little more time to focus on his own work. But Dan did get a little peeved when Phil got home that night and left almost immediately after to spend the rest of his free time that evening with one of his friends. He hadn’t even thought to invite Dan and he had been a little disappointed. Dan had gone to bed far before Phil got home that night, finally feeling the bed dip beside him at about 3am. Not to mention, Phil wasn’t even there the next morning when Dan woke up to get their usual breakfast before class together.

As Dan checked his phone for the thirtieth time, he started tapping his fork against the side of his water glass. Phil wasn’t usually this late to anything. He was a _very_ punctual person and it was usually Dan who was running behind schedule. But Dan relaxed and told the waitress to wait when she came back over to see what was going on. Phil probably just got caught up in something and would show up any minute.

Dan wouldn’t have been so paranoid if Phil had actually answered his texts. He hadn’t replied to Dan all day and it was starting to worry him. Phil was known to get into silly situations with plenty of strange people and Dan couldn’t help but wonder if today was one of those days. Regardless, he trusted Phil and knew that there had to be a reason for his tardiness so he took a deep breath like he had taught himself to do and leaned back in the booth. Trying to find something to occupy his brain, he tuned into the conversation happening behind him. A girl and a guy sharing a milkshake and talking about a friend of theirs.

“It’s such a shame that Gary picked up that puppy from the shelter,” he heard the woman say. A _shame_? What kind of person _wanted_ a puppy in the pound? The woman’s voice was smooth and she sounded to be about Dan’s age. His demographic anyway. She was a student, probably out in an attempt to destress from finals, gossiping with her friend about a fellow student. Dan made a face.

“Yeah, I just wish he would have thought about it beforehand,” the man responded. Dan could hear the man roll his eyes and guessed that this guy was a particular type. The kind that dished gossip the same way this girl seemed to be doing. For pete’s sake, they were judging a man’s decision to get a dog. Dan was never really a fan of that type, but his choice of conversations to overhear was limited and he just listened for the rest. “The poor thing hardly gets any attention anymore.”

“What was he thinking? He can’t take care of a dog! He’s got _school_ and _work_ and that group he’s always trying to make it to,” the girl said sadly. “I just feel so bad. He just locks it up in its kennel all day.”

The woman sounded sympathetic towards the dog and the man seemed more judgmental about this Gary guy’s character. Dan laughed at the thought of trying to take care of a dog right now. Their accommodation wouldn’t allow pets anyways but he chuckled at the image of him and Phil trying to look after a dog while they were in school. Especially with how busy Phil was getting recently. He then got distracted while he thought about shibes and how cute they were.

“I mean, we should have known this would happen. Isn’t that how it works?” the man asked knowingly, slurping from their shake. Dan was just as intrigued as the girl seemed. “You get something new and cherish it for a few months and then it just doesn’t mean anything to you anymore. If anything, it’s just a pain in your ass.”

“John!”

“It’s true! I mean, isn’t that what's happened? I bet you he regrets adopting it,” John said bitterly. The woman was silent for a moment.

“I guess you’re right. I just hope that dog got a great couple of months because that’s all he’s ever gonna get from Gary,” she remarked, sucking up the last bit of contents from their shake. Dan could hear the air slipping through the straw in pieces.

That was when the waitress came over to their table and interrupted their conversation. But Dan was left feeling a little unsettled. He didn’t know why this story bothered him so much but he stopped listening to the couple behind him and focused his attention on sending another text. Phil was now 15 minutes late and Dan was beginning to get antsy.

_Dan: Hey, what kind of shake do you want? I’m going to order one._

He was starting to get quite hungry and he was going to need to put something in his stomach before it began to eat itself alive. Listening to the people behind him finish a sugary drink made him crave the same taste. He dropped his phone to the table and stared into space while he waited for a response.

Dan thought about what the man had said in regards to the puppy. He tried to think about the logic in what he had theorized. He didn’t have anything else to occupy his mind. Dan was plagued with plenty of procrastination and he lost interest in things fairly quickly sometimes. However, because of the nature of his brain, he was always able to pick things back up again. He thought about himself and this puppy and how it would probably be better off under the care of someone who genuinely cherished objects and people. He shook his head when he thought of Gary, biting off more than he could chew.

For some reason though, his mind then went to Phil. He thought about how Phil was with his books and his trinkets. Phil was the opposite of Dan, he procrastinated very little and generally stuck to something if he cared about it enough. But he loved all things and most people. He put a lot of time and effort into the things he cherished but when he got bored of something, whether it were a book or a video game, it would go on the shelf and never be seen again. Phil was quite particular with what he cherished the most and didn’t like to clutter his life with super unfulfilling things. He always got really excited about everything though and this was good when it came to trying new things. However, half of those things were discarded and moved to the side where Phil could remember how fun it once was, only to be replaced by something more interesting to him. Much like his house plants, a puppy in the hands of Phil would die. Dan cringed at that thought and his eyes moved to his phone.

Maybe it was because Phil hadn’t responded to his messages, or maybe it was because he was now running 20 minutes late but Dan was starting to get irritated. He didn’t like going out by himself to begin with but when he was with Phil, it was worth it. However, he had been sitting at this booth by himself for a half an hour now and Phil wasn’t anywhere to be found. Dan was known for always assuming the worst thing possible and he was trying hard to give Phil the benefit of the doubt. It was hard when the only thing he had with him was his imagination and his own thought process.

_Dan: Phil? I’ve been here for a while. Where r u?_

He sent the text and kind of slammed the phone on the table after it sent. He didn’t mean to but his body seemed to be more frustrated than his mind thought he was. They had this plan for a week. And _just_ yesterday when Dan saw Phil for a brief moment between study sessions, they had made the plan to meet each other here. Twenty minutes ago. Dan hadn’t seen or heard from Dan all day and his mind started to think the worst. What if Phil had been hurt? What if Phil forgot? What if Phil had better things to worry about than Dan, not deeming their date important enough to remember? Dan froze as he looked down at the phone with no incoming messages. Phil wasn’t responding or warning Dan that he was running late. It was as if he actually forgot that he was supposed to meet Dan.

Dan’s heart started to race. Surely this was explainable. Phil wouldn’t stand him up on purpose, he knew that. There was a clear solution. He would just go home, find Phil in their room and then gently remind the other that he was supposed to be with him at the Diner. Then they could go do something for dinner together and it would all be fine. Phil had been stressed to begin with. Finals were taking their toll on him and Dan could totally understand that. He was a little hurt that something so important could slip his boyfriend’s mind but he wasn’t going to blow this out of proportion. It was a simple mistake.

He was glad he hadn’t ordered anything and he made awkward eye contact with his waitress as he slipped out with a half wave. She looked like she had assumed this would happen as she gave him a sympathetic smile on his way out. Frankly, Dan wasn’t too pleased with her assumptions. He wasn’t getting stood up. Not totally.

He started walking back as it was getting darker. He shoved his hands in his pockets and sighed. He was really looking forward to this date. He could barely remember the last time he had a moment to talk with his boyfriend. It was at least a week ago since they had a real conversation. Dan had just written Phil off as stressed but then it occurred to him how many times Phil had gone out within this week. Gone out, without Dan. Dan’s face scrunched up and he looked at his phone, kind of hoping there would be a text from Phil telling him to come back to the Diner and that he had only just seen his messages. But no, his screen just flashed the time at him and Dan shoved it back into his pocket and picked up his pace.

He tried not to think so hard about it but then he thought back to the week before when they had been shopping and Phil had grown impatient with him and the fact that he wasn’t quite ready to come out. That was the last day they spent together before Phil’s workload increased. What if Phil was getting impatient with Dan? Bored even? What if this was part of the reason this date had slipped his mind? His mind went to Gary and the puppy and the conversation that he had overheard in the booth behind him. He didn’t know why but he started taking what the man said seriously. It was entirely possible that Phil had got bored of him. It had been a few months. The novelty had worn off. With Phil being so stressed with schoolwork, other things were bound to be dropped. In this case, one of those things was Dan. He didn’t want to believe it but it was quite plausible that Phil had lost interest. These were not comforting thoughts in the slightest and as soon as they popped into his head, he tried to remove them. None of this was fair to assume. Not before talking to Phil about it first. He picked up his pace and booked it to his building. Trudging down the hall and placing the key into his door, he opened it.

“Phil?” he asked as he walked through the door. There was no response. The room was empty and dark. Phil usually kept the lights out when he was editing or studying, so Dan made sure to double check, but it was too quiet. Dan peered towards the bathroom, hoping that his boyfriend would be in there but Phil wasn’t there at all. Dan’s whole body slumped and he looked at the bed that he had climbed out of this morning without Phil beside him. He had left rather early after all. But the bed remained messy. Phil hadn’t come home in-between whatever he was doing to straighten it up like he usually did midday.

This was so unlike Phil. Normally, Phil told Dan what he was up to. Even if Dan didn’t need to know. This past week however, Dan couldn’t have guessed where Phil was going. It only increased his worry. He was off doing something without Dan and whatever that something was, it was far more important than their date.

A wave of sadness washed through him. Not having heard from his boyfriend all day and being unable to come into contact with him was worrying him even more. He pulled out his phone and texted him again.

_Dan: I left the diner. I’m at home. Are you okay?_

His first concern was obviously Phil’s safety. But Phil was a big boy. He could take care of himself. Dan knew that.

He wandered over to the bed while he waited for a response that he had a feeling wouldn’t come. He straightened out the sheets a bit, trying to make the bed like Phil managed to do every day. He wasn’t as good at it and it didn’t look the same but it would have to do. He leaned against it and waited for a moment to see if Phil would come in. He knew he was sulking but if he was being honest, he didn’t care. He was upset. He had a right to be. After not getting to see Phil pretty much all week, he had been looking forward to this. How could Phil forget something that meant so much?

He checked the time. It wasn’t that late. Just after 7:00. He needed to talk to someone. Particularly a voice of reason. Someone that could help him calm down or at least keep his mind off of Phil. He left the room and traveled down the hallway, knocking on Louise’s door. He silently hoped she was home. Maybe she would know where Phil was.

“One second!” he heard a cheery voice from inside answer his three measly knocks. He heard a little bit of shuffling and then the door cracked open. Louise’s eye poked out of the tiny crack and she immediately saw that something was wrong. She looked over her shoulder at her room and then looked back at Dan before stepping out into the hallway. “Dan, you look like you just got hit by a truck. What is wrong with you?”

Dan looked around the hallway, observing how public this conversation was going to be and didn’t particularly want the whole world to hear his complaining.

“Do you have a second to talk?” Dan asked in a hushed tone. “Privately?”

“Yeah, sure. Want to go to your room?” she glanced behind her at the closed door and made a gesture. It seemed Zoe was busy with something and they would have to move their chat elsewhere. Dan nodded and he started walking towards his own room, hearing the peppy steps following him.

The moment they made it into Dan’s room, Louise was in awe. She hadn’t been over for a while and this joint bed situation was new to her.

“Danny! This is so cute! You guys are like one step away from being conjoined, ya know?” she squealed at the young boy who was pretty much a stone wall at this point. He clearly looked like he had something on his mind. She had turned around expecting a smile and noticed the face he was making instead. Her expression turned from chipper to worried. “Dan. You’re scaring me. What’s got you down in the dumps?”

Dan looked at her as he tried to sift through his brain for a place to start. How did he even tell someone what he was worried about without sounding like a paranoid and overbearing boyfriend?

“Dan?” Louise prodded, clearly now very invested in Dan’s problems whether he liked it or not.

“I think Phil might be getting bored of me,” Dan muttered. He didn’t speak louder than he had to. He spoke loud enough so Louise wouldn’t have to ask him to repeat himself, but he was barely going above a whisper.

“What?” Louise froze and her expression changed from worried to almost humored. Dan could tell already that she wasn’t buying it. “That’s ridiculous. What makes you say that?”

“He stood me up today,” Dan mumbled, kind of embarrassed honestly. He was baffled that someone as responsible and punctual could miss something like this. Dan usually admired the way Phil could manage a tight schedule. Maybe that added to his disappointment.

“Stood you up?” she gasped, probably not expecting that. She glanced at the door and then back at Dan. “How so?”

“We were supposed to have dinner tonight at the diner. I waited for thirty minutes and he never came,” Dan explained. “I tried texting him but he hasn’t replied. I don’t know where he is. Either he’s ignoring me or he’s just too busy with whatever he’s doing to check his phone.”

“Maybe he just forgot?”

Dan stayed silent for a moment to signal that he had already thought about that. Not like that answer helped his mental state anyway.

“Well obviously...but it’s more than that. He’s been acting really strange all week. I don’t know, something’s weird Louise. I can’t explain it,” Dan tried to put his finger on it. “He’s been hanging out with a lot of other people recently and when I ask him to hang out he just says he’s too busy.”

“Is he working on finals?”

“Yeah. But he won’t even study with me anymore. He’s been avoiding me I think,” Dan wrung his fingers together and tried to calm his nerves. “It kinda feels like he’s just putting up with me whenever we are in the room together. He’s always wearing headphones...”

“I think you’re over thinking it. Phil is probably just really busy,” Louise reached out and put a comforting hand on Dan’s arm. “Really, don’t worry so much. He probably just has a lot going on.”

Dan stared at Louise for a moment and he tried to calm himself. Louise had a point. When Phil got home, he could just talk to him about this. It was very plausible that Phil didn’t realize he was making Dan feel this way. After all, he wasn’t the most vocal of people.

“Oh come on Dan, stop thinking. I’m sure Phil will be home any minute and you can just kiss and make up,” she giggled. Dan stared at her for a moment and kind of shook his head.

“We haven’t kissed in like a week,” he muttered. _That_ was embarrassing. They shared a room, a bed, a space. There was nothing Louise could tell him that could explain the lack of physical contact they’d had. Dan’s cheeks flushed. “I hope you’re right.”

Louise stared back at him with sympathetic eyes but then she narrowed them.

“Dan...don’t you go do something stupid and fudge this up. You’ve got a good thing. Just be patient,” she pointed her threatening finger at his chest and he was taken aback by its power over his body. His eyes went wide and he took a small step back. “If you’re having a hard time forgetting, just think about your birthday on Thursday! Do you have any plans?”

Dan kept forgetting about Thursday. Phil hadn’t so much as mentioned it after the day they went to the store. Dan swallowed the fear that crept up into his throat in response to that thought. They hadn’t talked about it. Louise seemed to sense that fear and she pulled Dan in close for a moment.

“Okay Danny, well if you don’t have any other plans, I’m taking you out for your birthday. You’re all mine,” Louise said into his chest. “It will be really fun, I promise!”

Dan liked the idea of Louise taking him out. He actually never went out for his eighteenth birthday because he didn’t know anyone well enough to celebrate with him. Louise would make it feel like it was his eighteenth again and that made him smile. If Louise was anything, she was a good drinking buddy.

“Okay,” he accepted, the thought of Phil leaving his head for a minute.

“But Howell,” Louise started. “You have to promise me you’ll stop thinking, okay? Relax. Think about how much fun we’ll be having. And if you want, invite Philly too. We’ll have a grand old time.”

She used her most soothing voice and smiled up at the worried boy. Before she released him from her grasp, she squeezed him a little tighter to comfort him.

“Alright,” he knew that he wouldn’t be able to stop himself from thinking, but the thought of going out - just the three of them - made him smile and that alone made his Phil problem less severe. “I’ll ask him when he gets home tonight.”

“Good,” she stared at him as if she was skeptical about his answer. He stared back in an attempt to reassure her that he had halted the thought process for now.

“Thanks, Louise,” he said sincerely. His nerves were already starting to disappear and his heartbeat that he previously heard in his ears had slowed.

“No problem, Darling! What are friends for?” she flashed her teeth at him and gave him a wink. “Now as much as I’d love to sit around and wait for my second favorite boy, I must be going. Zoe and I were in the process of getting ready to go to the cinema tonight and I don’t want her to leave without me. Would you like to come?”

“No, that’s alright. I’m sure Phil will be home soon anyway,” Dan declined, knowing that the invite wasn’t from genuine interest and only out of courtesy. He walked her to the door and let her out into the hallway. He already felt much better though. He waved as she trotted down the hall to her own room and once he saw her go inside, he closed his own door. But now that she was gone, the silence had returned. He wasn’t terribly thrilled about that but when his mind threatened to return to Phil’s whereabouts, he just found solace in the thought of Thursday. Phil obviously wouldn’t have planned anything else on Dan’s birthday.

Dan paced for a couple minutes as he tried to clear his head. Seeing Louise had helped. He could always count on her to calm him down and help him out when he was overreacting. He thought back to the texts he sent Phil and realized that perhaps the older boy had his phone on vibrate and even Dan sometimes missed texts. Maybe his phone was in his pocket and he couldn’t feel the slight notification. He was shocked that he hadn’t thought about calling the other boy sooner. Not to mention, he was getting awfully sick of waiting around - even if he only allowed himself to wait a few minutes. He dialed Phil’s number which he had shamelessly memorized, pressing the cell phone to his ear. He didn’t want to be the clingy guy that needed his boyfriend all the time but he felt like this time he had the right. As he waited for the other side to pick up, he heard something to the left of him. He glanced over at the wardrobe across the room and he put the phone to his shoulder in an effort to hear the sound coming from the wooden closet. He furrowed his brow and walked over to it, opening it up. The sound grew louder and Dan took a deep breath. So that’s why Phil hadn’t been answering his phone. He fished through the many jackets that were hanging in the wardrobe as he looked for the phone that Phil had clearly left behind that morning in his rush. He found it quite peculiar that Phil would go anywhere without his phone, let alone for this long. However, Phil _was_ rather forgetful and this was something he would do. Forgetting his phone on a day he couldn’t afford to go back. At least this meant that Phil hadn’t been _choosing_ to ignore him.

He was pushing clothes to the side in an effort to find his boyfriend’s phone but in the process, something caught the corner of his eye. A little brown box was sitting on the shelf, hidden behind all of his hanging clothes. Dan stopped and looked at the little green envelope that he could see sticking out of it. He remembered that envelope. He had met up with Phil that day right after he ran to grab it from the post. It was from his Grandparents. Dan smiled as he thought about how he had kept the letter, admiring the way Phil valued his family. Phil talked about them an awful lot and when Dan met them, he could admit they were something to brag about. He was a little curious to see what else was in the box but he stopped himself before he reached out to grab it. He paused and thought for a moment. Phil wasn’t there to give him permission and although he was feeling slightly hurt and abandoned, he knew that invading his boyfriend’s privacy was still wrong.

He kept looking for the phone, trying to call the number again in an attempt to locate it through the vibrating sound. His eyes wouldn’t leave the box though. It was almost like it was staring back at him with knowing eyes. He hadn’t had a lot of time with Phil recently and he was dying to be around the other boy. Just seeing this little box gave him the little rush he normally got when Phil told him a story from his past. He always wanted to know more about Phil. He wanted to listen to Phil’s adventures and he needed it now more than ever. He had missed him immensely these past few days and that box knew it.

As if his brain made the decision before he could even have a say, he reached out and collected the box from behind the drapery of laundry. The box was heavier than he expected. He walked it over to the bed and placed it gently on the sheets, removing the lid that was barely on it in the first place. He pulled out the green envelope and that was when all thoughts of disrespecting Phil’s privacy left him. This letter was most certainly not from Phil’s grandparents. Dan stared at the return address, dumbfounded at what he saw in the top left corner.

This letter was from Alex.

Dan inspected the tattered edge at the top. The envelope had been opened and the piece of paper within it had definitely been read. Something in Dan’s heart sank. How could Phil keep this from him? Not only did he not _tell_ him, he _lied_ about who gave him the letter in the first place. Dan had to look up and away from the letter to keep his anger from crumbling the thing altogether. He wasn’t going to open it. He didn’t need to. He dropped it to the bed and dug through the box a little deeper, checking the door a couple times while he was at it to make sure Phil wasn’t about to walk in.

The first thing his fingers grabbed hold of was a stack of photographs. The first photo was of Phil, giving the camera a big cheesy grin. Dan might have thought that it was cute but he was too confused and hurt to let himself smile in response. He flipped to the next picture and saw Phil again, blushing and being enveloped by a large sweatshirt. Phil looked young. His hair was particularly long and his face was much less developed. Why had he never seen these? Phil liked to show Dan old photos, in fact, whenever his mum sent him an old one she found while going through old boxes, Dan was the first to know. He answered his own question however when he flipped to the next one. Another picture of Phil, this time he was snuggled up on a couch with Alex under a crocheted blanket. Dan’s eyes went wide. That’s why he’d never been shown these pictures. He noted that Alex was wearing the sweatshirt that Phil had been swimming inside in the previous picture. He decided he didn’t want to see the rest of the photos, so he placed them back in the order he found them in and returned them to the box. Dan reached down with trembling hands to pick up a couple tickets with dates on them. All of the dates were from at least a year ago, train tickets, concert tickets, little notes with dates written on the top.

At this point, his whole body was shaking. He shouldn’t have gone through the box. He knew that. This was Phil’s private stuff. Phil would never go through his stuff. But why would he have kept it all? What meaning did it have to him? Phil had Dan now. There must have been a reason Phil was keeping all this stuff and not throwing it out. Just seeing Alex’s face made his knuckles itch. His wounds had almost healed completely but for some reason whenever he thought about it, he instinctively scratched at it. He didn’t like to think about the two of them together and those pictures had certainly not helped.

He scurried to put everything away in the exact place he found it, despite his trembling hands, and he placed the box carefully where he had discovered its existence. He never actually found Phil’s phone and he decided that he would leave it for him to find later. After closing the wardrobe, he stared at the door to the room. Hoping Phil would walk in right at that moment and explain it all, but the silence enveloped him once again and he heard nothing but the slight ringing in his ears. All the calming that Louise had just done went straight out the window.

There was nothing he could do to convince himself that everything was okay. His brain had already fallen into a deep hole, filling in blanks that he had no right to do without Phil present. But Phil was lying to him, he had completely forgot about their date and Dan was now convinced he was still talking to Alex. What if this was a response to a letter _Phil_ had sent? The evening had gone from bad to worse. He trusted Phil immensely. He wanted to believe that Phil would tell him everything but he just couldn’t believe this. How could he have not told him about the letter? This, combined with avoiding him all week, ditching him for his other friends and being disappointed in Dan for not coming out, Dan couldn’t let himself believe anything else. 

If Phil _was_ still talking to Alex, it would explain why Alex had shown up that day at Phil’s home. Alex mentioned that he had been calling and that Phil should have known he was going to show up. Dan just assumed it wasn’t true. He was under the impression that the day Alex called was the only time. Maybe he was wrong. He had no reason to trust Alex at the time, but now he was questioning everything. If Phil was still talking to Alex, then he would probably have found out about Dan punching him. This made Dan a little uneasy. The thought of Phil knowing about Alex’s visit and not asking Dan about it made him sick to his stomach. But there was no way Phil could do that to him, right?

His mind tried to recall all the conversations he had engaged in that week with Phil, trying to figure out what was going on. This wasn’t hard because he could literally count those conversations on his left hand. Phil started getting distant after they went out with PJ to the diner and talked about coming out. That day had ended nicely though. They had got back to the room, made the bed, talked about their date and then they became quite intimate for a little bit. Dan almost smiled as he remembered how good it all felt, Phil knowing exactly what to do, as always, and Dan trying to mirror him.

Suddenly then something occurred to him. Not only did Dan not want to come out to the public, he also wasn’t quite ready to go all the way in the bedroom. Phil had told him repeatedly that he didn’t mind the wait but what if Phil was growing impatient? He had suggested to Dan that he should try fingering himself in an effort to prepare. He hadn’t had the time to try it out yet and this past week, the furthest Dan and Phil had gone was above the belt. If Phil was talking to Alex, was it because Dan wouldn’t put out for him? Was Alex some sort of backup, just in case?

Dan’s state of mind was not helping his panicking. He was not good at this. Jealousy was his biggest kryptonite and he usually didn’t have much to be jealous of. Phil was mostly by his side and before Phil, he had nobody. The thought of Phil and Troye really messed him up, but this was worse. This was _way_ worse. This time, he _had_ something. He had Phil. And even the thought of Phil _talking_ to someone that hurt him so badly made Dan tremble with anger.

Dan had never been good with emotions. He got frustrated sometimes, but it was never too out of his control. He never really had any reason to be furious. Nobody had ever hurt him so badly that he lost his temper. This feeling was entirely new to him. His skin felt hot and everything was shaking. He didn’t feel like he did when someone insulted him or when his brother took something of his when he was younger. He felt the way people described getting shot in the chest. All the blood was flowing to his face and his breathing was coming out uneven. No matter how tight he clenched his fists, he couldn’t control the aching feeling he got in his ribcage. Why was this affecting him so intensely? The rational part of his brain had shut down completely. He needed to clear his mind. Calm himself down. At least his brain could recognize that much. He didn’t know what he would do if Phil walked in right then. It would end in disaster.

He let out a long sigh and stomped over to the bathroom, turning and locking himself inside. He switched on the shower and ripped his clothes from his body. He had half a mind to get in before it even warmed up in an effort to cool himself down but he decided the last thing he wanted was to get sick from the freezing water. He waited a half a minute and then stepped into the burning hot water. This was better anyway. It scolded the skin on his back and he blamed the heat for the tears that formed in his eyes. He allowed himself a few tears and then he placed his hands under the stream. The top of his left hand started to sting and he looked down to see that he had reopened a couple of the almost healed scars on his knuckles without his knowledge.

“Fuck.” He said to himself through gritted teeth. How could he be so stupid? How could he expect one person to stick around him for so long? Nobody else had. This just proved his biggest fear. Phil had been wrong. He had become the puppy from the shelter. He was everything to Phil in the beginning and now Phil had grown bored. He hoped that this wouldn’t happen but like most things in Dan’s life, this good thing had to end too.

The reasons he had come up with flooded his mind as the water fell over him. He thought about the way Phil asked him if it really was that hard to come out. Dan had felt slightly insulted by this comment because only he could really know how hard it was for him, but the face Phil made at him was still present in his mind. He could see it clearly now, the disappointment that he felt coming from the older boy filled his senses. Maybe this whole time Dan was just perceiving Phil’s tolerance wrong. Maybe Phil was just really good at hiding the fact that he was disappointed. Sure, Phil had praised him for growing and changing for the better, but what if that was also a lie? Phil was much further along in maturity and the fact that Dan was so far behind made him feel inadequate for Phil in the first place. He probably could have been pushing himself harder. It’s possible he hadn’t been trying enough. What if Phil realized this as well?

Bowing his head to his chest in frustration, he glanced down at his good hand. Outstretching his finger, he grimaced. He inspected it for a moment and swallowed. If one of the things that was driving Phil away was the fact that he didn’t want to go very far in bed, then maybe that wasn’t so hard to fix. Tons of people did it, how hard could it be? He stared at his shaking digit for a moment and then he took a deep breath, steadying himself with a hand against the shower wall. He reached behind him and placed the finger at his entrance. In his head, this made sense. If this is what Phil wanted, then this is what he would get. He jumped a little at the contact to the usually untouched place on his body. Phil hadn’t given him any instructions, he just told Dan to feel it out so that is what he intended to do. Interrupting his huffing, he took a deep breath and held it, experimenting by pushing it a little, trying to see how much the hole would give. It gave less than he expected it would. He exhaled. This was supposed to feel _good_? He pushed a little further into himself, his body in a strangely twisted position that didn’t comfort him in the slightest. His body was rejecting it. He was in no way calm or relaxed, he just wanted it to work. He wanted to be good enough for Phil. In frustration, he pushed his finger in as far as he could manage which resulted in a little yelp coming from his throat. He had his eyes closed tight and without giving his body another chance, he shook his head, pulling his finger from his clenching hole and aborted his mission.

Defeated and slightly embarrassed, he slumped over against the wall and let a few more tears fall into the stream coming from above. Nothing had come of that. It didn’t feel good, in fact, it hurt. The pain only added to the hurt he was already feeling both in his knuckles and in his chest. What if he just wasn’t made for it? What if _he_ had been wrong? Blinded by what a friendship should feel like? Maybe he wasn’t into guys at all? His heart hurt in response to that query.

He ignored it and stepped from the shower slowly and slid on the same pants that he had on before, walking out into the empty room as he balled his fists. He left his crumpled shirt on the bathroom floor in spite of Phil. Phil was always picking up after Dan and he had always felt guilty about it. This time, he hoped Phil would have to go out of his way to pick up the shirt he so carelessly left. It was petty, but he didn’t care. He was pacing now, not sure what to do with himself. He was so frustrated. Angry with himself for not being ready to take Phil and upset with Phil for lying to him. He wished Phil hadn’t forgot their date. He would rather have not known about Alex than having to find out like this.

But of course this would happen to Dan. He always knew that something like this would happen if he didn’t keep to himself like he always had before. He had been so proud of himself for opening up to another person, breaking his comfort zone, growing as an individual. He kept telling himself that there _had_ to be a downside. There _had_ to be a price for all of this and it was suddenly apparent what it was. Taking risks was never something he did before Phil. Phil was everything to him now. But Phil couldn’t save him from how he was feeling at this moment.

He stopped pacing in front of the bed and crawled into it. He didn’t even bother to turn out the light. He was going to cover himself up anyway. He threw his own phone onto the ground, not like he would need it anyway. Tomorrow was Monday and there was no way in hell he was going to class. He tried to take deep breaths. The anger was slowly leaving him. The longer he lied there, the less he felt like he wanted to punch the wall. He was still lightly scratching at his knuckles and every now and then he would wince as he felt another part of his skin snag on his nails. The anger was replaced with sadness and confusion. He felt like emotions were entering and exiting him faster than they ever had. But the same feeling, the thudding and stabbing pain in his chest, remained through it all. He had never felt anything like it before and he was becoming frightened. Nothing had made him feel this tight and queasy in his life and he was shocked that it was possible to be in this much physical pain in response to purely thoughts. He fought hard against the tears that were begging to fall and shoved his face further into the pillow.

Dan lied in silence for what felt like hours, staring at the ceiling. He didn’t want to go get his phone and check the time and his mind was too occupied to sleep. He wasn’t sure why the pain hadn’t faded yet. He managed to calm himself to a point where the dull throbbing in his chest was the only thing left. His skin had cooled and his fists had unclenched. He even wrapped his left hand in the sheets in an effort to stop scratching at his now open wound. Everything had stopped and his body lied still, but his heart kept pounding and that was what worried him. Nothing had ever shaken him to the core like this had. He knew that he could never fully drop his anxiety about Phil, but he had managed to push it into the back of his mind where he just accepted his worries as present, but didn’t acknowledge their effects. This was the only way he knew how to deal with pain, ignoring it and letting it resurface again when he had a better perspective. His heart however, had separate plans. He could feel how hard it would beat at just the thought of Phil coming home. At first, Dan thought it was because of how angry he was at the other boy. But the anger had fizzled for now and his heart still ached when he thought of Phil. Dan wasn’t sure why this was happening considering he was trying so hard to make himself stop feeling altogether. But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t silence this particular pain. It was only when he finally closed his eyes and decided that he was going to have to live with this pain for now that he realized what was happening to him. His eyes shot open, having only been closed for a millisecond and the pain in his chest was suddenly tenfold what it was before. This wasn’t pain that Dan was used to or pain that he ever even considered something he was capable of feeling in the first place. This pain was heartbreak.

There was only one possible explanation for this pain and Dan was already trembling again just at the thought of admitting it. It was a good thing he was already lying down because he was sure that had this realization occurred while he was standing, he would have fallen over. His heart was beating so fast that he was sure the neighbors could hear it. Dan was completely frozen.

Dan was in love with Phil.

He was totally and completely in love with Phil.

Nothing that Phil had told him had prepared him for this. Sure, Phil let the words roll off his tongue long ago when they were playing a silly game of Jenga, but he didn’t expect himself to say the words for a while. He didn’t know what love felt like. How was he supposed to know? Dan had felt uneasy just _thinking_ about that kind of commitment and now it was staring him in the face. That must be why it was hurting him so badly. It must be why he felt so betrayed.

But why did his realization have to happen _now_? The first time that Dan felt this way, he wanted to rip the feeling from his chest altogether. He remembered Phil’s box and his precious letters and photos from Alex. It only made the throbbing in his chest worse. Then he thought about himself, sitting at the diner’s table while he waited for Phil who was probably off doing God knows what.

It was too late though. Dan had fallen for Phil and just in time for Phil to grow bored of him. He cursed himself in his head for letting himself fall this hard. He unwrapped his left hand and put his face in his hands. This was far too much for him to handle right now and he felt awfully alone. He forced himself to scoot to the wall, the furthest from the edge of the giant bed as he could, and he let out a muffled cry. It was time. He couldn’t hold it back anymore, the weight of what was happening finally hitting him. His tears were warm on his already flushed cheeks and he cried until he felt like he couldn’t anymore. His eyes were dry and he closed them for good, falling asleep to the faint sound of his broken heart.


	27. Chapter 27

Dan only woke once during his deep slumber to the sound of a firetruck whirring a little too close to his building. His cheeks felt sticky with stale tears and he barely had to open his eyes to figure out that it was almost dawn. The faint light came in through the window and Phil had yet to come home. Not that Dan wanted him there anyway. This probably would have instilled more panic inside of him but he was too focused on getting his sore eyes back to sleep that he didn’t let himself care. He winced a little as he curled back up and let his mind slip into his blank dreams once more.

 

-

 

The door creaked and Dan’s eyes flew open. He was facing the wall, as close as he could be to it, and mostly covered by the duvet. He heard footsteps enter the room and a bag that was probably filled with books drop onto the floor. Dan was careful not to make a sound, not ready to face the other boy. Dan heard Phil stop moving for a moment, probably looking in Dan’s direction and wondering why Dan was even there on a Monday morning. He quickly started moving again though, opening the wardrobe and fishing through jackets as Dan had done the night before. Phil was looking for his phone. Dan narrowed his eyes a bit, knowing that Phil couldn’t see him, and waited for Phil to see how many messages he’d missed.

Instead however, Phil didn’t seem to react to anything at all. Dan just heard him punch in a couple numbers and raise the phone to his ear. Then the older boy went into the bathroom and shut the door. Dan furrowed his brow and listened hard in an attempt to hear the conversation that Phil clearly didn’t want to have in front of Dan.

“Hello...yeah sorry. I just wanted to let you know I made it back. Dan’s here so I have to keep it short. Thanks for letting me crash at your place last night.”

At least Dan knew that Phil spent the night at someone’s place rather than at the library. That made him feel simultaneously better and worse. At least Phil wasn’t killing himself by working too hard, but now Dan was worried about whose house he was staying at and why.

“I know, I know. I’ve missed you too.”

_Missed you too?_ If it were one of Phil’s close friends, how come he was saying that he missed them?

“No, no. Dan’s asleep. He doesn’t suspect a thing.”

This wasn’t helping.

“He’ll probably wake up soon though and I want to sneak out before he does so I don’t give myself away. You know how I am...”

So something was going on. Dan’s stomach clenched at the thought of his suspicions becoming reality. He actually couldn’t believe it.

“I know, I know. I won't. I just can’t wait till it’s over. I hate sneaking around.”

_Over_? What did Phil mean by _over_?

“Anyway, I gotta go. See you tomorrow.”

Phil hung up the phone and left the bathroom. Dan remained still. He wasn’t sure if making Phil aware of the fact he had just heard everything would be a smart choice right then and there. He tried to stop himself from trembling as he listened to Phil chuck the phone onto his desk without looking at any of the missed calls or messages. Dan hated Phil for being so terrible with his phone. Phil always forgot to text people back because he claimed, “he couldn’t see the little notification bubble”. Why would that behavior change now?

Dan was terrified of confronting Phil but he didn’t want Phil to just walk out like he said he was going to. The older boy seemed to be changing his shirt and getting ready to leave again and Dan was not going to have it. But he had no idea what he was going to say. He had to do something to notify Phil that he was awake and angry, so he ignored the throbbing pain in his stomach and chest and sat up. Phil stopped in his tracks, looking like a deer in the headlights. Dan didn’t anticipate his heart melting the way it did when he saw the other boy’s bright blue eyes. He forced himself to look down and he hopped out of bed without even looking up at his boyfriend. He made a b-line for the bathroom, totally ignoring Phil’s attempt at a hello. He locked himself in and pressed his back against the door as he released the breath he had been holding. Did he really just do that? He had totally ignored the other boy.

He decided while he was in there he would relieve himself and while he was washing his hands he could hear Phil on the other side of the door.

“Dan?”

His voice was like honey. Dan didn’t want to ignore him. But he had to. There was nothing Dan wanted to say to Phil right now. Not until he decided what he was going to do.

“Dan? Are you okay? Are you feeling sick?”

Sick was an understatement.

Dan rolled his eyes at himself. Mostly for letting himself fall for someone and making it impossible for him to confront them, and partially because he was non-confrontational to begin with. This was not going to work out the way he wanted it to. However, he remembered everything that he had learned recently and tried to compose himself. He pulled the shirt off the ground that Phil hadn’t bothered to pick up yet and slipped it on. Being half naked wasn’t going to help his case. He needed to communicate or none of this was going to work. At the current moment, Phil had no idea why Dan was mad. That needed to be fixed first and foremost. Then, once Phil realizes Dan knows what’s going on, then they can discuss what happens to them.

With the smallest bit of confidence on his side, he turned, took a deep breath, and unlocked the door. The door slowly swung open and Dan was met with Phil’s worried face on the other side. Dan’s state didn’t seem to comfort Phil in the slightest and Dan started to scratch at his knuckles in nervousness.

“Dan...are you alright?” Phil stepped a little closer and Dan involuntarily stepped back. Phil looked surprised but he took the hint and he backed up a couple steps. Dan was making it clear that he didn’t want to be close right now and to be fair, Phil was good at reading him. “What’s wrong?”

There was a moment of silence where Dan felt like if he spoke, he would choke on his own tongue. He was so nervous that the aching in his chest made it impossible to breathe normally. He was staring at the boy he loved. The boy who was singlehandedly breaking his heart. His heart that had never been broken before.

Nothing was going to change if he didn’t say anything at all, so after clearing his throat and making sure his eye contact didn’t falter, he opened his mouth finally.

“Phil, are you cheating on me?” Dan choked out with a broken voice. He almost seemed surprised in himself for letting that string of words leave his mouth altogether.

“What?” Phil definitely seemed taken aback. His reaction was first confusion and then sympathy. Dan didn’t know what that meant. It only worried him.

“Are you,” Dan spoke with a monotone voice now, making sure he was being clear. “Cheating on me.”

This time it didn’t even sound like a question. It was an accusation.

“Dan, of course not. Why would you even think that?” Phil looked hurt and mostly confused about where this was coming from but Dan couldn’t be bothered to care. He was hurting too, couldn’t Phil see that? “I would never do that to you.”

“You didn’t come home last night,” Dan hated himself for saying those words too. It made him sound like a needy housewife. It wasn’t just that, it was everything. But he didn’t want to lose his composure so he let the statement stand alone.

“I...yeah, I’m sorry. I was going to text you but I left my phone...” Phil stumbled and Dan glared. “Dan, you’re scaring me.”

“Where were you then?” Dan asked, hoping Phil would end this right now and tell him that he went over to a friend’s place, explaining everything so Dan wouldn’t feel so hurt about their date. But he didn’t. Phil just shifted where he stood and swallowed. This only worried Dan more.

“I...I can’t tell you that. But I...I promise, I’m not cheating on you,” Phil stuttered a little and wrung his hands together. Dan could tell he wanted to come closer but everything about Dan’s body language was screaming that was a bad idea. “I love you, Dan.”

Those words stung in Dan’s ears. He didn’t want to throw that into the mix. He was already trying to deal with his own love, he didn’t need Phil’s toggling around in his brain as well. He stood quietly and focused his attention on the wall behind Phil. He didn’t like this. Not one bit.

“Dan, you know I would never do that to you...” Phil was starting to look worried now too. “...right?”

Dan’s silence seemed to freak Phil out even more. Dan didn’t know what to say. Of course he thought that. That’s why this moment was so much worse than he could have imagined.

“I’m sorry I didn’t come back last night. I figured it was no big deal. You’ve been going to bed before I’ve come home the last couple days anyway. Why was last night any different?” Phil asked softly. Dan could tell he felt bad but not as bad as he should. Especially because it was clear he had forgot their date yesterday. Dan had to look away for a moment as he willed the tears from falling. It was too late though, one sneaky drop fell down his cheek and of course, Phil saw it. “Dan...I didn’t know you cared so much. I’ll find a way to let you know next time, okay?”

Dan cringed at the word _next time_. Phil’s effort in comforting him would have been appreciated if that was all the issue was. Dan wished that was all it was.

“I mean, it was a Sunday night. I’m sure you could have made...” Phil stopped his sentence in its tracks. “...plans.”

Dan knew that’s when Phil realized it. His mouth fell open and his eyes drifted from Dan’s face to the desk. He slowly reached out and grabbed the cell phone that was lying there, immediately checking the little notification bubble on his screen.

“Oh, Dan...” Phil’s eyes went soft and he looked more hurt than Dan did when he was leaving the diner the night before. Dan almost felt bad. Almost. But this was not over. Not nearly. “Oh Dan, I’m so sorry.”

Dan said nothing, scratching at his knuckle again. The thought of Phil with someone else, with Alex, instead of him made his skin crawl.

“Oh my God, I feel so bad. I totally forgot,” Phil said with a trembling voice. Great, now Phil was going to cry too? “I can’t believe I’m so stupid.”

Dan dropped his gaze. He didn’t want to look at Phil right now. He couldn’t be mad at someone who was also crying.

“Dan, is that why you think I’m cheating? Because I missed a date?” Phil asked, his tone slightly concerned. Dan knew how it sounded. But Phil should know. He was the one doing it. “I know I forgot, and I’m sorry. I’ll make it up to you, but it was for a good reason. I promise.”

Dan swallowed.

“Dan? Please. I swear, I love you and _only_ you. Where is all this coming from?”

“Then why did you lie about the letter?” Dan spat out, ignoring Phil’s second question. He didn’t mean to bring it up so suddenly but his brain apparently insisted. He cursed himself for not holding his tongue.

“What letter?” Phil looked more than confused.

“The one that Alex sent you. You told me it was from your grandparents,” Dan’s knuckle had started bleeding. He could feel it under his fingernails. “Not to mention, you kept it.”

Phil looked at him blankly for a moment and then the confusion left his face and it was replaced with something Dan had never seen on Phil’s face before. He seemed offended and a little annoyed. He glanced over at the wardrobe.

“You went through my stuff?”

Dan fell silent. This was the part he hadn’t thought through quite yet.

“Okay, just because we share a room, doesn’t mean you can just go through my stuff, Dan. That stuff is private,” Phil scolded and Dan didn’t like the tone he was using. It made him want to roll over and show his belly, but he stood his ground. Phil was the one in the wrong here. “And for the record, I didn’t write him back.”

“But you still read it.”

“You wouldn’t?” Phil looked angrier now and Dan was starting to lose some of that confidence that he had found moments ago.

“Not without telling my boyfriend.”

“Well I didn’t want to worry you,” Phil fired back, faster than Dan thought was necessary. He was getting more and more defensive and Dan was starting to retreat. “I mean, Dan, it’s no secret that you overreact to things sometimes. I didn’t want you to get all worked up but I guess there's nothing stopping that, is there?”

Dan froze.

Phil closed his eyes and bit his lip.

“I’m sorry...I didn’t mean that.”

“I’m sure you’d rather have someone who doesn’t overreact, huh?” Dan put his hands on his hips. “Someone who actually puts out too.”

Phil looked shocked by the inclusion of that statement.

“What are you even talking about, Dan?” Phil furrowed his brow. “Put out? You mean _sex_?”

“Of course I mean _sex_ , Phil,” Dan snarled. “I clearly can’t satisfy you so it only makes sense that you run back to someone who can.”

Dan didn’t stop there, even though Phil’s face was twisting in disbelief. He kept going.

“I saw the pictures of you and Alex in there. You haven’t thrown them out,” Dan took a deep breath before declaring his ultimate theory. “So when you get bored of me, which I’m sure you have, you can go right back to him.”

“ _What_? Dan, do you hear yourself right now? What has got into you?” Phil looked shocked and a little hurt. Now that Phil was standing right in front of him, his theory did seem a little far fetched. It was possible that Louise was right and he was just really stressed and busy. But that didn’t explain why Phil lied about the letter or the conversation on the phone that morning. Dan wasn’t going to buy the stress thing. The evidence was just too incriminating. “Me keeping things from my past is none of your business and I don’t see how...”

Phil stopped and looked at Dan. Dan was now visibly trembling and scratching at his knuckle so hard that he knew the blood must have been trailing down the back of his hand. He hoped that Phil wasn’t watching.

“...I never showed you a picture of Alex. How did you know that was him?” Phil had dropped all his anger and his face reflected that of concern. “Dan, what are you not telling me?”

Then his eyes traveled down to the red that was now dripping off Dan’s hand and onto the carpet, his expression changing immediately. Dan didn’t know what to say but he couldn’t be there anymore. He had to go somewhere else. Just so he could calm himself down before this could get any worse. There was too much going on in his head.

“Forget it.” He shook his head, clutched his hand tighter and went straight for the door. Phil stood there with a gaping mouth and didn’t go after him, thank God. Dan stood on the other side of their door before deciding that he might as well go to Louise considering she was really the only person that he could confess everything to. He headed down the hallway and hoped that she was home.

His knocking was much more frantic than it had been the night before. This time he was worried Phil would go after him and that was the last thing Dan had wanted. He didn’t know which way was up right now and there was nothing he wanted more than to lock himself up in an empty room and cry his eyes out.

“Louise, please. I need to talk to you,” he mumbled through the door after a few moments went by. It hadn’t really been that long but it seemed like forever before the girl finally opened the door.

“Dan...it’s early. What do you want?” Louise stood on the other side of the door in bunny slippers and a turquoise striped pajama set. Her eyes were half covered by a pink sleeping mask and Dan could tell that he had woken her. He would not have bothered her if he didn’t think this was a true emergency. Louise took one look at him and she rolled her eyes. “Daniel James Howell. Are you _joking_ right now?”

Dan felt like he was getting a lecture from his mother. She opened the door and let the boy in, clearly not amused. Dan noticed that Zoe was not there which relieved him. He was hoping that he wouldn’t be responsible for waking two girls up instead of just one. Louise let the door slam behind them and she used her grumpy face, frowning at him.

“You made a mess out of this, didn’t you?” Louise growled. She was a lovely lady but definitely not a morning person. Dan ignoring her direct advice probably wasn’t helping either. “Let me guess. You and Phil are fighting now? Is that it?”

Dan couldn’t do anything but nod, distracted slightly by his efforts of not bleeding all over Louise’s carpet.

“You stupid boy, you!” she threw her hands up and clicked at him. “And you’re here looking for advice even after you ignored mine?”

Dan nodded and looked down at this hand.

“And now you’re bleeding! Dan! What has got _into you_?” Louise was clearly upset but she wasn’t heartless. The blood seemed to catch her attention.

“Apparently that is the question of the day,” Dan responded in an attempt at humor, reflecting on how Phil had asked him the exact same thing only a few moments before. Louise grabbed his hand and inspected his knuckles.

“What happened here?” she demanded, not going to let him go unless he told her. He sighed with a shaky breath and winced as she put a tissue over it.

“You have to promise not to laugh,” Dan started.

“Do I look like I’m in a laughing mood, Danny?” Louise mumbled.

“Well...you see. I kind of,” Dan braced himself for her reaction. “Punched a guy.”

Louise stopped dressing his wound and looked up at Dan with an angry face.

“Dan. You’re a man, we get it, now tell me what _really_ happened.”

“No, I’m serious.”

“Excuse me?”

“I actually punched a guy.”

Louise pursed her lips and stared at him before her composure was lost and she was busting at the seams with laughter.

“Okay, okay. I know I said I wouldn’t laugh. But you? Dan Howell? _Punching_ a guy?” she doubled over and continued to laugh. Her laughter made Dan smile, for the first time, reflecting on the punch was actually kind of funny. Dan was the least aggressive person that most people knew and it was a pretty funny thought now that he was reflecting. “Who did you punch?”

Dan waited until she was done laughing to tell her the story. Telling the story with as little detail as possible, she listened to him in disbelief. Her eyes were wide like full moons by the time he was done. He even told her about shattering the mug on purpose to save Phil from knowing what really happened.

“But wasn’t that weeks ago? Why are you still bleeding?” Louise asked him. He sighed and his cheeks flushed a little. He explained how he kept scratching at it without knowing and that it broke open yesterday when he found the letter from Phil. He explained everything as Louise listened. If anything, it was comforting to have another person listen to him. It felt good to let it all out.

“...and so now I think Phil is cheating on me and I don’t know what to do because I have fallen completely in love with him.”

The last bit was what got Louise. She lifted her eyebrows with intrigue and she nodded, seeming conflicted with herself before she responded.

“You’re being stupid,” she smirked.

“What?”

“Stop being so stupid.”

“I don’t know what you mean,” Dan wasn’t sure which part she was deeming stupid. But he guessed it didn’t really matter. Louise was hard to understand sometimes.

“Of course you’re in love with him. You punched a guy for him!” Louise shook her head and stood up. “You _really_ think Phil is cheating on you? _Really?_ ”

Dan stared at her. Well yeah, that’s why he was there.

“Phil isn’t cheating on you, Dan. I know that for certain,” Louise rolled her eyes and climbed back into bed. “I already know how this story ends. Just come back when you get to the good part.”

She closed her eyes and Dan was about to object when he saw her pull the mask over her eyes.

“Close the door on your way out, please!” she waved and turned over in her bed. And that was all the advice he was going to get from Louise. All he got from that was that he was stupid. His head was nowhere near where it needed to be. He was still just as paranoid and now a little insulted. At least he got to vent for a little while.

He walked back to his own door slowly. He was so lost. All he wanted to do was go back to bed. His heart hurt, his head hurt and everything was spinning. He had felt so many things in the past 24 hours that he wasn’t even sure what he was feeling anymore. The gentle throbbing of his heart hadn’t faded however and all he wanted was for everything to go back to normal.

He pushed open the door to his room, hoping that Phil would be standing there ready to explain it all, but he wasn’t. The room was empty once again and this time Dan just sighed. He collapsed onto the bed and scooted towards the little cocoon that Phil hadn’t bothered to fix before leaving and let himself drift off to sleep, uncomfortable inside his own head and not caring in the slightest where Phil had gone.

 

-

 

It had been two days. Two days of sleeping, going to class, coming back, sleeping, barely eating and repeating. Phil was nowhere to be found. His birthday was tomorrow and he had kind of already accepted that Phil wasn’t going to make it. At this rate, neither was Dan.

Dan had been alone with his thoughts for days now. Without someone around him to talk it out, Louise not wanting to hear about it, and PJ and Chris having no idea about their relationship, Dan was stuck. He let the thoughts marinate for too long. He had gathered a few things. One, Phil forgot their date and he felt bad about it. Two, Phil was mad at him for going through his stuff. Three, Phil was avoiding him. Dan didn’t even have a chance to talk to Phil now.

It was almost his regular bedtime and he was once again getting into the giant bed with nobody to sleep with. He had made his cocoon a regular sleeping habit and curled into it for comfort. He was done crying. He did all that the first night. Now he felt nothing. Other than the throbbing. Always the throbbing of his heart that wouldn’t leave him alone. There was something so mocking about it that made him angry at his own emotions. Love was so stupid. Just like Dan. Just like Phil. Stupid stupid stupid.

He stared at the one speck in the wall that he had been staring at for days now. Didn’t Phil at least want to try and get Dan back? Why hadn’t he come by? It’s not like Dan was hiding. He had only left the room for class and even then he didn’t really go to many in the first place. He couldn’t be bothered to. He was just too tired.

What did all this mean for him and Phil? Were they still together?

If Dan was being honest, he missed Phil more than anything in the entire world. Sure, Phil hurt him. But he also hadn’t really admitted to anything - which was super unsatisfying because Dan wasn’t even sure what parts were true and what parts weren’t. All he wanted were Phil’s arms wrapped around him instead of the empty sheets that were stuck around him now. He missed his boyfriend’s scent and his kisses. He missed his stories and his laugh. He missed the way his hair felt when it brushed across his neck in the morning. Dan was miserable without Phil and he just couldn’t conceive how he ever lived without him to begin with.

He guessed that this is what love felt like and he decided that this is why he never wanted to fall into it. It was so painful when it was lost.

His brain had to remind him that he hadn’t actually lost anything yet. Phil was avoiding him but Dan hadn’t really been trying. He hadn’t called or texted him. This time he knew Phil had his phone. This time, Phil took a few things. A couple shirts and a few socks maybe. It was clear he had been planning to stay away for a little bit. Maybe he was trying to give Dan space or maybe he was actually upset at the younger boy for going through his things that he just couldn’t stand being around him. Both things Dan understood. But in the end, Dan was just sad that they hadn’t worked something out. He wanted this fight to be over with. Could they even call it a fight if nobody was speaking? He didn’t care how it turned out - well, clearly he did - but he didn’t want to be in the middle anymore. He wanted an answer. Why had Phil been so cold to him last week? How could he forget their date? Where had he spent the night? Who was he on the phone with? Why couldn’t he tell him? Why did he lie about the letter? Was he actually okay with Dan not being ready to come out? Why hadn’t he come back yet? So many questions flooded his mind and he was so overwhelmed that it seemed easier to just go back into his extended sleep that he had kept himself in the past few days. He just wanted answers.


	28. Chapter 28

Dan awoke to a loud knocking on his door. He grumbled to himself and wrapped his blanket around his shoulders as he slid out of his bed. He hadn’t been able to separate himself from the object since he decided it smelled like Phil. He had slept through most of his birthday already, not planning on leaving his room at all. He tried to ignore the knocks but they only got louder and it hadn’t helped his headache. He opened the door slowly and peeked out to see a grinning and dolled up Louise. He hadn’t seen her in a few days and suddenly he was very aware of what he looked like.

She pushed past him and waltzed into the room which had been transformed into an absolute disaster since Phil had gone. Dan didn’t care where anything landed and he vouched to pick it all up later. He just hadn’t had the time with all the lying in bed and sulking he had been doing. Yeah, he knew he was pathetic. He might as well be.

“Dan.” Louise looked disgusted. “You haven’t forgot about the plans we made, have you?”

Dan shook his head. He didn’t forget. In fact, he had been dreading them. he was hoping that Louise would forget. That way he wouldn’t have to leave at all.

“And you aren’t ready because...?” she knew the answer and Dan knew that she knew the answer. She waited a moment before clapping loudly, interrupting the silence and hurting Dan’s head in the process. “Come on then! Chop chop! Let’s get you cleaned up! We have a birthday to celebrate!”

“Yeah, Louise, I don’t know. Can we like...raincheck it or something?” Dan grumbled, scratching at his neck. “I’m not feeling great.”

“No! You can’t _raincheck_ a birthday! That’s not how it works. Not when there are drinks to be had!” Louise shouted. Dan winced.

“Fine, fine. Just...stop yelling,” he waddled over to his wardrobe and tried to find a suitable shirt.

“Wear something nice! We need you to look the part!” Louise laughed and appeared at Dan’s side. “Oooh! Like this one!”

She yanked out a shirt that Dan rarely wore. It looked kind of like a few bandanas sewn together. Phil wasn’t the biggest fan of the shirt so Dan had pretty much stopped wearing it. But Phil wasn’t here, was he? He grabbed the shirt from Louise and nodded, pulling down a pair of pants from his shelf as well. He hoped that they would match.

“Are you going to straighten your hair?” Louise called through the half closed bathroom door. Dan was hiding behind it to change and he deemed it safe to roll his eyes without her seeing. “Don’t roll your eyes at me, Boy!”

_How did she even see that?_

“Maybe? I don’t know. Should I?” Dan answered her straightener question.

“Yes! You need to look snazzy, Birthday Boy!” she called. When he left the bathroom in his outfit, she squealed. “Ah yes! See? Much better! Now go turn on that curling iron and brush your teeth.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Dan sighed and went to do that. He pulled on a bracelet that he had obtained moons ago and hoped it would please Louise’s fashion sense.

“You know. I was hoping you’d be less cooperative honestly so I’d have a chance to pull your ear and everything,” she sighed longingly at the thought.

“I’d rather you didn’t,” he spoke with the toothbrush shoved into his cheek. She was leaned up against the wall next to the bathroom now. He noted how nice she looked and realized what she was talking about by the word _snazzy_.

“You still got your knickers in a twist?” she asked him. He wasn’t sure what that meant, but he took a guess.

“Yeah, I suppose that’s what you could call it,” he spit into the sink and rinsed out his mouth.

“Well cut it out. What’s still bothering you?”

“Oh I don’t know, maybe start with the fact that I haven’t _seen_ my boyfriend in three days?” he said with unwarranted sarcasm. She just stared at him as if she was expecting it. “Or maybe it’s that I’m hopelessly in love with said boyfriend? And said boyfriend might be _cheating_ on me? Take your pick.”

Dan’s voice raised a little. Louise glared.

“Ugh. I’m so bored of this conversation. Come on. Hurry up,” she pulled out her phone and started texting. Dan let out a very loud sigh and started on his hair.

“If you’re _sooo_ bored with this conversation, why are you even trying? There are so many more interesting people you could hang out with right now,” Dan said with a smirk. In case Louise didn’t get his jab, he added “Phil would know. Go ask him.”

“Okay Howell. That’s it,” Louise reached forward and grabbed his ear as she said she would. Luckily he was holding the straightener close to the bathroom counter so he dropped it in time for Louise to pull him out of the tiny room and against the wall she was previously leaning against. “I’m not going to stand here and listen to your _stupid_ little attitude. Stop moping and just forget about it, okay? I am trying to take you out on your birthday because if someone doesn’t, you’re just going to end up getting even more sad and I don’t know if the world can handle any more mopey Dan. Get your head out of your nether region and start looking around.”

Dan stood in shock. Louise’s fingers still pinching his ear and her eyes piercing into his. He couldn’t look away.

“I’m your friend, Dan. And I’m not going to let you do this to yourself. I don’t give a flying fuck what Phil did to you. Grow up and have a conversation with him. Listen to him. Maybe you’ll learn a few things,” she took a deep breath as she glared. “But right now, you and I have a date with some drinks. So suck it up and put on a smile. If not for you, do it for me. Understood?”

“Understood,” he said out of fear. She let go of his flesh after giving it a tough little squeeze and she forcefully pushed him into the bathroom so that he could get ready. He looked at himself in the mirror and nodded at her who was staring at him from behind.

“Good. Now get a move on,” she glanced at her phone again as she rushed him. He took a deep breath and shook the anxiety out of him. Louise pretty much scared it out of him and he wasn’t complaining. It was actually kind of nice to think about something else for a change. Yeah, Phil wasn’t going out with him on his birthday but he could have a good time anyway. Louise was a great friend and even though he was hurting, she always was pretty good at making him laugh. The first step was getting him out of the funk which she already appeared to have done.

He finished getting ready in record time. He was putting his heel into his second shoe when he finally finished.

“Alright. Let me grab my-”

“Oh sugar!” Louise exclaimed.

“What?” Dan froze and looked up at the girl who was staring at her phone. “What’s wrong?”

He was on edge and he couldn’t hide that.

“Relax, relax. I just realized that I left my favorite jacket at someone’s house last night. You don’t mind if we stop by on the way, do you?” she asked him. He laughed at the thought of it being any more serious and nodded.

“Yeah, sure. No problem,” he swung the door open for her as they exited the room. Before he left, he grabbed a pair of sunglasses to hang on his neckline, just in case he needed to hide the hopeless bags under his eyes. They traveled down the hall and into the parking lot. Before they got into Louise’s mini-van she stopped him where he stood.

“You look so cute right now, Danny!” Louise squealed as she took out her phone and snapped a photo. Dan tried to cover his face but he didn’t get his hand up in time. Instead, she showed him the picture and he shook his head. He could definitely see the bags under his eyes.

“You have such a mum car,” Dan smirked as he got in and buckled himself in the front seat. “How many kids do you want?”

“Irrelevant,” she snubbed his question playfully and he shook his head.

“What, have you and Matt not talked about it? I find that hard to believe,” Dan teased. She smiled at him and before she moved the car one inch, she stuck her tongue out.

“Well for your information, we’ve decided that if we do have a kid and it’s a girl, we’ll name it Darcy,” she smiled a genuine smile as the name fell from her lips. Dan couldn’t help but smile as well. It was a pretty cute name he had to admit.

She pulled out of the parking lot and Louise filled him in on her situation with Matt. Things were going well apparently and she had little to nothing to complain about. He attempted to give her advice about a little problem she had with her family and how to introduce them but Dan didn’t know much about the subject so he just shut up after a few minutes of trying.

The drive wasn’t long at all and they pulled up to a house that Dan recognized.

“Hey, isn’t this Tyler’s house?” Dan craned his neck to get a better view of the house they had stopped in front of.

“Yeah, it is. Good memory,” Louise turned off the car and got out. Dan stayed put but Louise gave him a look. “You coming?”

“I thought you were just going in to get your jacket?” Dan noticed that all the lights were out in the house and there was clearly nothing happening there that night. It was weird to look at a house that was usually bursting at the seams when it was empty. It almost looked like a normal family could be living there rather than a couple University students.

“Yeah, I am. But they have a dog and I’m really afraid of dogs. Especially the small ones. Remember the purse dog incident?” Louise made a face and Dan laughed, unbuckling. He recalled the story and nodded.

“Okay, okay. Fine,” he stepped out of the car and caught up to Louise who was walking up the pathway. “I’ve never seen this house so quiet before.”

“Yeah, weird, isn’t it? I was just here last night and there was a huge party,” Louise flashed him a grin as she knocked. “It’s too bad you weren’t there. I think you would have had fun.”

“Nah, that’s okay. I think I’m kind of done with-”

“Hello!” Tyler answered the door enthusiastically. He opened the door wide to let them in. Dan followed Louise’s lead and let himself in the house. Tyler was all smiles as usual. “I left your jacket in the living room, why don’t you guys come in and grab a drink?”

“Oh no that’s okay, Louise and I were gonna-”

“Sound’s great!” Louise replied with her chipper tone. Dan elbowed her and she gave him a look that told him to shut his trap.

“Oh Bless you two. And happy birthday, Dan,” Tyler winked and led them into his living room. “You’re a Gemini. How lucky.”

“Yeah,” Dan laughed nervously. “I guess it is.”

“Any who, what can I get you two to drink?” Tyler smiled and turned to lean his hand next to the light switch on the wall. He was blocking the way to the kitchen and Dan thought about what he wanted to drink. He didn’t really care. Dan was still trying to figure out why Louise had accepted his offer in the first place. He didn’t look like he wanted company at all. All the lights were out and he was dressed in casual attire.

“How about some Stellas? Does that sound good, Dan?” Louise asked as she looked at Tyler who was staring him down. He just nodded and Tyler grinned.

“Alright. Be back in a jiffy!” he turned tail and went to the kitchen, opening the fridge and Dan heard some bottles clinking. Dan turned to the girl beside him.

“Louise. I thought we were _just_ getting your jacket,” he whispered in her direction.

“Relax Danny,” she pulled him in for a side hug and leaned her head on his shoulder. “You can’t say no to free drinks on your birthday.”

Dan didn’t say anything as he heard the other boy approach him with his drink. It was still incredibly dark and it was starting to sketch Dan out. All he could see were the two that were huddled next to him. He took the drink from the happy boy in front of him and thanked him quietly, trying not to let him know how much he didn’t want to be there.

“Oh hey, and Dan?” Louise grabbed his hand.

“Hm?” Dan jumped at the sudden contact.

“Happy Birthday.”

That was when Dan jumped for real. Tyler flipped the switch in his living room and at least 20 people popped up from behind the furniture and against the wall yelling a word that Dan had never heard directed at him before.

“SURPRISE!”

Dan almost dropped his glass but Tyler had anticipated that and he grabbed it for him when his hand when lax. Dan’s eyes had become bigger than he knew they could get as he looked around at all the familiar faces. PJ, Chris, Zoe, Alfie, Luke, Emma, Casper, Marcus, Matt...and a few more people that he had met over the last few months. People from his floor, people from his classes, people he had only ever heard about and seen on Facebook. He was so shocked that he hadn’t even realized Louise and Tyler leaving his side. His eyes traveled from one side of the room to the other until it landed on the far left. Leaned against the couch, the closest to Dan out of them all, was Phil. Dan had forgot how beautiful he was. He had forgot how much he missed Phil’s eyes. His eyebrows were turned up with worry though, looking at Dan with hesitation. He didn’t move from his spot, standing about 5 feet away from Dan. In his hands, there was a little stuffed animal resembling a Tonberry from Final Fantasy. Dan’s eyes softened when he saw the gift and he said nothing. People had begun to talk amongst themselves at this point and with the way Phil was looking at Dan, it was like there was nobody else in the room anyway.

“Happy Birthday, Dan,” he said quietly, Dan just barely picking up on his name at the end. He thought about the last couple days and how he was sure that Phil had forgot about his birthday altogether and now he was standing in front of him with a gift and a party. All for Dan. Dan stared at his boyfriend with disbelief.

“Thank you,” he said, not really knowing what else to say to the guy he’d been so terrible to.

Phil shuffled his feet a little and he took in Dan’s appearance. He laughed a little, probably because of the shirt. He really didn’t like that shirt and Dan knew it.

“I have to apologize to you, Dan,” he said calmly. Dan was about to interrupt but Phil raised his hand in an attempt to shush him. Dan obliged, no longer wanting to fight with Phil. He wanted answers after all and it looked like they were coming. “I haven’t been the best of boyfriends lately.”

Dan said nothing but the panic in his heart picked up slightly. Phil seemed to notice and he jumped into his next sentence as fast as he could.

“I didn’t cheat on you. And I never will,” Phil reassured. “But I did forget our date and for that I’m sorry. That was really horrible of me.”

Dan looked at his feet for a moment to hide the pain he felt when he remembered that night. It seemed like so long ago now and he looked back up to see the smile Phil was giving him.

“And I promise I’ll make it up to you. We’ll go out this weekend instead, okay?” Phil gave him a warming smile that made Dan nod even if he was still waiting for more answers. “And as far as last week goes, I’m sorry for that too. I was stressed, really stressed, and on top of that I wasn’t sure what to get you for your birthday so I decided to throw you a party...”

He gestured to the room around him and they both caught a glimpse of Alfie and Marcus chanting _chug_ at an already pretty wasted Tyler.

“And I got so wrapped up in throwing the perfect party that I kind of abandoned you. I blew you off a bunch. I don’t trust myself with surprises and I always give it away somehow so I just figured if I was never around you, I couldn’t blow the surprise. And in order for me to use his house for the party, Tyler told me I’d have to dogsit for him. Which worked out fine until Sunday. I don’t know how it slipped my mind but I was dogsitting one minute and then falling asleep on the couch because I was so tired from all the studying I’d been doing. I ended up just crashing here and then I got back not even knowing what day it was...” Phil explained slowly, glancing at Tyler a few times. “I didn’t have my phone and everything was such a mess.”

Dan bit his lip and raised his eyebrows. So far, he was starting to understand why Louise was calling him stupid.

“Then you yelled at me and I felt so terrible that I just grabbed a few things and came here. I had to dogsit anyway and I figured you didn’t want me around for a little bit,” Phil admitted sadly. “But then Louise called, we have been planning this for weeks now, saying that maybe we should cancel the party because you were in such bad shape. But I told her to give you a couple more days. I didn’t want all this planning to go to waste and she promised me that she would find a way to make it work like she always did...so I’m sorry about that too. I’m sorry I made us wait. I just really wanted you to be surprised, Dan.”

Phil was looking at him with pleading eyes. Dan could tell that he was telling the truth and his theories about Alex were quickly falling apart. It was clear that Phil had just bitten off more than he could chew with his schoolwork and this party. Dan took a deep breath and nodded slowly.

“...and by the way, if that box of old stuff really bothers you, I’ll throw it out. I don’t need it. I just get scared sometimes, ya know? It’s hard to let go of the past. But if it doesn’t let me move forward with you, Dan, I don’t want anything to do with it,” Phil smiled at him with more love than Dan had ever seen him show. Or maybe Dan just knew what it looked like now that he felt it too. There was a moment of silence between them and for some reason the rest of the room too. Phil rubbed the back of his neck. “There are probably some other things I’m forgetting, but I promise you that I have an explanation for them all. I really-”

Before letting Phil finish another word, Dan leaped forward and threw himself into Phil’s arms. But he didn’t stop there. He tilted his head up instead of tucking his head into Phil’s neck like he usually did, he closed the gap between their faces and kissed him. Right there, in front of the entire living room.

Phil made the most pleasant surprised noise Dan had ever heard, muffled under his lips of course. He almost pushed the younger boy away before he realized that Dan was totally for it. Phil relaxed against the kiss and let Dan control how far they took it. Dan even heard a couple people whisper and he just ignored it, kissing Phil like he hadn’t in weeks - which was true. It was so nice to finally feel his boyfriend’s lips on his. It was something he worried he’d never experience again.

Finally, when the kiss was over, Dan pulled away but didn’t leave Phil’s smiling body.

“I’m sorry too, Phil,” he said sheepishly. “I overreacted. As usual. I just got so freaked out about...”

He stopped. Now wasn’t the time.

“Do you forgive me?” he asked, hoping that the older boy would understand how he felt. Phil laughed out loud and nodded, kissing Dan on the nose. “Of course I forgive you. I can’t _not_ forgive the birthday boy.”

Dan blushed.

“Will you forgive me tomorrow?” Dan asked sheepishly. He was joking but there was a part of him that worried Phil wouldn’t.

“Shut up, Bear. I forgive you,” Phil hugged him tight for several moments and Dan took the opportunity to inhale his scent. It was so much better than the duvet that was barely hanging on to Phil’s aroma at this point.

“So are we done fighting now? Can everyone just relax?” Louise came up with an empty bottle. She was clearly going hard on the liquor this evening and Dan couldn’t help but suppose that it was his fault.

“Yes, Louise. We’re done,” Dan tilted his head into Phil’s. “Thank you by the way.”

“For what?”

“For helping organize this...” Dan smiled and leaned forward a bit. “And dragging me here.”

“Oh, sure! No problem!” Louise was most certainly drunk. She leaned in towards Phil. “You know I had to drag him by the ear?”

“Actually?” Phil looked at Dan with a judgmental look. “You got _dragged_ by the ear?”

Dan glared at Louise who made a small humph sound and smiled away.

“She _pinched_ my ear,” Dan grumbled and Phil pulled him closer.

“Okay, Dan. Whatever you say.”

The party was lovely. There weren’t too many people there, everyone seemed to be having a good time and there weren’t any crazy people for Dan to feel threatened by. It was literally the perfect party for him. Not to mention, Dan had never been thrown a surprise party before. Nobody had ever put the time or effort into doing something like this for him. Just the gesture alone made him feel warm and fuzzy inside. Everyone seemed to be having fun and once Dan and Phil obtained their beers, they sat on the couch and watched as everyone else around them got happily drunk. They did their fair share of drinking too but neither of them wanted to spend their first time hanging out in two weeks under the influence. However it wasn’t long before PJ and Chris made their way over to their spot on the couch. Both of them, without a word, sat on the coffee table in front of them. Dan and Phil looked at them expecting them to speak but they didn’t, instead it looked like they were looking for an explanation.

“What?” Phil erupted, probably annoyed by the way each of them were looking them up and down.

“How long?” PJ asked.

“Excuse me?” Phil made a face.

“How long?” PJ asked again, wagging his fingers between the two of them. “Has _this_ been going on?”

They were both silent.

“Two months.” Dan said confidently. Phil looked at him with a smile that Dan was never going to get tired of. The two before them were silent for another moment and then they nodded thoughtfully at Dan’s response.

“Okay. So here are the rules...” Chris started.

“ _Rules_?” Phil grimaced. Dan squeezed his hand, preparing him for whatever Chris might say next.

“Shut up.” PJ held up a finger in Chris’ defense. “Let him finish.”

“Yes, _rules_ ,” Chris said with hesitation. “You aren’t allowed to be a cuter couple than we are...”

Dan’s eyes went wide and looked at PJ with more surprise than he’d felt the whole night.

“There can only be one cute gay couple and it’s going to be us,” Chris finished, standing up immediately and trudging off. PJ gave the two another thankful glance and then he got up and followed the other boy. Dan and Phil sat on their couch with shocked expressions for at least a minute, finishing their beers and trying to process what they had just absorbed. As shocked as Dan was, it totally made sense. Leave it to Chris to be competitive about being gay.

“Did they just-”

“Yeah...” They both turned to get a glimpse of the two standing in the kitchen opening a couple beers. They were laughing like they usually did but there was a certain air of closeness about them that wasn’t there before. Chris was gently leaning against PJ and PJ was smiling more than he usually did. It reminded Dan of what he used to look like, right when he and Phil had started dating.

“That’s...something.”

Dan relaxed and leaned into Phil. His brain was finally quiet. He didn’t feel the need to solve anything or blame anyone. He was just happy. Him, Phil and that now familiar throb in his chest.

“Hey, I have something to show you,” Phil poked at Dan’s side. Dan laughed a little and bit his lip.

“What is it?” he sat up in anticipation. Phil stood and grabbed the Tonberry in one hand and Dan’s in the other.

“Come with me.”

Phil guided him up the stairs and to the left, into the same room Dan had taken refuge in when he was frightened at the last party. Phil shut the door behind them and pulled Dan in for a hug.

“What are we doing up here? Other than reminding me of one of the worst nights of my life?” Dan teased.

“Your second gift is in here,” Phil kissed the top of Dan’s head and spun him around to face the piano that was against the wall. He sat down on the bench in front of it and looked up at Dan who definitely didn’t understand. Phil grabbed Dan’s hand and pressed a couple of the keys with his boyfriend’s fingers.

“Wait...”

“It’s all yours, bench and all,” Phil gleamed at the younger boy who was standing in front of him with his jaw dropped.

“No way,” Dan shook his head. “You can’t give me a piano.”

“Yes I can. I just did,” Phil laughed and scooted over so Dan could sit down next to him. “When I heard you play a couple weeks ago, I knew this was what I needed to give you for your birthday. I would do anything to hear you play again.”

“H-How did you do this?” Dan stuttered, blushing because of the compliment. “This is Tyler’s. There’s no way he would just _give_ you a piano. These are so expensive, Phil.”

“Well I didn’t have to dogsit for two weeks just for the use of a living room,” Phil smiled and kissed Dan’s cheek as his smile created a little dimple. “I’m glad you like it.”

“You have to be joking!” Dan laughed and hugged Phil tight. “Literally, Phil. How?”

“Tyler said that it came with the house. He wants to get rid of it. He said as long as I pay to move it, it’s all ours,” he shrugged, a smile from ear to ear and Dan just blinked in awe.

“Where am I supposed to keep it? This won’t fit in our room...”

“Well I was thinking...because I’m getting my own place next year anyway, I figured you could keep it there and when you come over, you can play it all you want,” Phil suggested. “Of course, that is until you get your own place. Then you can take it for yourself.”

Dan didn’t want to mention how he hoped he never got his own place. He was hoping that Phil’s place would eventually become Dan’s place too. But now was not the time to bring that up either. He just held his tongue and looked at the keys.

“Phil, you’re amazing,” he tilted his head just enough for it to land on the other boy’s shoulder. He pressed his fingers to the keys and played a little tune from the Final Fantasy soundtrack, glancing at the Tonberry as he did. “Thank you, Phil.”

He turned his head and pressed a soft kiss to the other boy’s lips. He brought his hand up to Phil’s cheek and delicately stroked the side of his jaw. Phil reached up and placed his hand over Dan’s. He then stopped the kiss rather abruptly and pulled away. He held onto Dan’s left hand and placed it near his chest, inspecting it.

“You know Dan...” he smirked. “The next time you punch my ex-boyfriend, I kind of want to be there.”

Dan’s eyes went wide and if his face wasn’t already flushed red, it was now. He slumped his shoulders.

“Louise told you?”

“Of course she told me! When you somehow knew who the person in those photos was I had to find out how,” Phil shook his head. His smile remained on his lips though so Dan didn’t feel too threatened.

“Yeah...”

“Dan, I can’t believe you did that,” Phil shook his head and kissed Dan’s hand. “I totally understand why you didn’t tell me but _God_ I wish I was there to see that.”

“Really?” Dan was being washed over with a sense of pride.

“Yeah! Tell me the story. What happened?” Phil looked so intrigued and very proud. Dan looked down at his raw knuckles. He hoped after this his body would finally let them heal. “Did he cry?”

“Well he came looking for you while you were in the shower,” Dan started. “And no, but he was really nasty.”

“Right, that much I gathered.”

“And I was trying to be nice because he said he was one of your friends...” Dan felt a little ashamed, not having been able to tell who he was right away. “But then I figured out who he really was and I told him to leave.”

“And he didn’t?”

“Nope.”

“So you punched him?”

“Well actually, he tried to go upstairs. To see you.”

“Wait...and you stopped him?” Phil’s face lit up.

“Yeah. I punched him pretty hard. I busted his lip and I’m pretty sure I broke his nose. He bled all over the carpet and then booked it.”

“Holy crap.”

Dan looked up at Phil’s big blue eyes. He looked so pleased.

“Yeah, I’m sorry I lied. I just didn’t want you to get sad again. I hated seeing you that sad on the day he called you. And I wasn’t even dating you then. I couldn’t bear to watch you go through that again,” Dan breathed slowly, knowing that Phil didn’t mind his lie. He was far too impressed with Dan’s ability to punch. “I would do anything to keep him away from you.”

“I love you so much.” Phil collapsed into Dan, kissing him and this time, shoving his tongue into Dan’s mouth. Dan had never felt prouder. He finally felt like he did something to protect Phil. This is the feeling he had wanted all along. He wanted Phil to know that he could take care of him too. That he could protect him from harm as much as Phil protected him from harm. It brought him a lot of comfort and he wanted to give Phil the same feeling. Phil broke the kiss and pulled Dan into his chest, resting his chin on Dan’s head. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about the letter. Our relationship was so new at the time, I just didn’t want to freak you out. I promise I didn’t write him back.”

“I believe you,” Dan kept his head next to Phil’s warmth. “You don’t have to explain. I overreacted. It was a lot of things at once. I was just...sensitive.”

Phil hummed into his hair, his lips kissing the spot where his chin just was.

“There’s just...one thing I don’t understand.”

Phil hummed again.

“That phone call on Monday. You were talking to Tyler, right?” Dan asked. Regardless of how much he trusted Phil now, knowing he wasn’t cheating, he still wanted to be sure. Phil laughed.

“Yes. It was just Tyler,” Phil confirmed. “I had spent the night on his couch and he was making sure I got home alright. I spent a lot of time there this week and he commented on how much he had missed me. I’m sure that didn’t ease any of your nerves, huh?’

Dan shook his head and Phil nodded, pulling him in closer. They didn’t say anything else after that. They didn’t need to. Phil had explained it all and anything he left out, Dan understood. Phil was nothing but good to him and he hated himself for assuming otherwise.

Eventually they stopped canoodling on the piano bench and they made their way back downstairs. After mingling with a few other people, thanking them for coming, and downing a couple more beers, they decided it was time to retire. It seemed that the rest of the party was still very much happening and they told everyone to keep at it and that they just weren’t used to the intense celebrations. Tyler walked them out and congratulated them on finally coming out, which Dan had forgot about completely, and they called a cab to take them home. It wasn’t that long of a walk but they decided their legs would rather not. Dan held the little Tonberry close to his chest as they rode silently back to their University accommodation. They walked into their room, Phil holding his little backpack of stuff and he stopped when he saw the state of the floor. Dan was suddenly reminded how terrible the last couple days had been. There were tissues littering the ground, clothes spread upon every inch of carpet, the bathroom sink was dripping and Dan’s desk had somehow become a trashcan.

“Dan...” Phil closed the door carefully behind him. “What did you do to our room?”

Dan said nothing and he just looked at Phil with the only look that he thought could get him out of this one. The pout. He held Phil’s gift tight to his chest and jutted out his lip for Phil to see. Phil noticed it and immediately walked over to Dan, stepping on top of the clothes on their floor as he engulfed the younger boy into a hug.

“It’s okay. We’ll clean it up tomorrow,” Phil kissed Dan’s forehead over his hair and nodded.

“Sorry, Phil.” He did genuinely feel bad. This was Phil’s room too and Dan had been nothing but disrespectful to his space. Dan wasn’t sure what he had been thinking, the whole thing seeming so stupid now.

“Never mind it!” Phil said, reaching into his backpack and pulling out a red box that was about the size of an alarm clock. “I have one last gift to give you, Dan.”

“Seriously, this is too much,” Dan argued, pulling the ribbon off anyway. He was excited. He’d never had a significant other before to give him gifts. He shook the box a little and tried to mentally guess what was inside. When he gave up and Phil looked like he was about to burst with anticipation, he finally unwrapped it. He opened the little box under the paper and his heart stopped when he saw what was lying inside.

“Now before you freak out...” Phil started, grabbing the box from Dan so that he wasn’t holding it. “I know you might not be ready right now, or anytime soon...but I just wanted to make sure you knew that I'm 100% yours when you want me Dan..."

Dan looked at the cherry flavored lube that sat comfortably in the box and back up to Phil. His mind raced back to that night in the shower and how he tried so hard to like it and he just couldn’t. But as he stood here with Phil who he would do anything for, the memory seemed to erase itself. The only thing he wanted at that very moment was Phil. In any and every way he could have him. It had been so long since he had felt Phil’s hands on him. It had been so long since he had seen his boyfriend in nothing but his briefs. He missed it. He had no idea what _being ready_ had felt like until this moment. It all seemed to make sense. The thudding in his chest, the way his mouth watered when he thought about kissing Phil and the way his cock twitched when he thought about how badly he wanted the other boy’s body on his. He wanted it all. His eyes returned to the bottle and he smiled, knowing how confused Phil must have been. The lube looked so innocent, barely threatening as it would have been months ago.

“Phil...” he reached out and grabbed the bottle from the box, dropping the Tonberry on the floor. “I think I _am_ ready.”

Phil stared at him for a moment. It seemed like he was trying to wrap his brain around the words that Dan had just said. Dan couldn’t blame him. He was also pretty shocked that he had uttered them.

“It’s okay if you’re not, really. We can wait as lo-”

“Phil,” he said a little louder, getting closer to the older boy. He let their chests press up against each other, snaked one arm around the older boy’s waist and rested it against Phil’s lower back to keep him in place. He ditched the words _I think_ and spoke again. “Please. I’m ready.”

That was all the raven haired boy needed to hear before giving Dan one last look of _are you sure?_ before tackling him to the bed. He placed the lube on the desk beside them and Dan relaxed back into the mattress as Phil started kissing down his neck.


	29. Chapter 29

Phil’s tongue glided down his neck with small laps of lust. His mouth was heated and Dan could feel how much the older boy wanted this. It probably would have freaked him out if he wasn’t getting so turned on by his boyfriend’s demeanor. Phil was straddling him on the mattress with arms to each side. He could feel Phil’s long fingers sliding up and down his sides as his teeth scraped lightly against his neck. Dan could do nothing but rest his hands on Phil’s thighs in lack of a better place to put them.

Phil knew every inch of Dan’s body - at least the parts he had let Phil grow attached to - and he knew exactly where Dan’s favorite spots were. His neck was the most sensitive part of Dan’s body and at the rate Phil was going, this was going to be a short night. Phil’s mouth was hitting each spot with pinpoint accuracy as he kissed and sucked little bite sized bruises into the column of his neck. Dan arched his neck so Phil would have a better angle and Phil moaned in appreciation, sliding his hands up Dan’s torso with the hem of his shirt. Phil wanted more and Dan was happy to give it to him. They were lying far enough onto the bed that Dan wasn’t afraid of falling off as he watched the older boy pull his shirt from his body and throw it to the floor. In the split second that it took for Phil to remove the shirt, Dan got a look at his eyes. He knew it was his imagination but the blue of his irises seemed darker than usual but full of the same love and delight as they usually were. Before Dan could even comment however, the other boy was kissing down his neck again. He reached his collar bones and started sucking on those as well. Dan already accepted that he was going to be marked up and he didn’t even care. He wanted proof that he was Phil’s and he wanted the constant reminder that Phil had claimed him with his mouth.

While Phil’s tongue was working it’s magic, Dan was also conscious of the fact that Phil’s lower half was grinding on him with an immense amount of pressure. It wasn’t until he shifted the tiniest bit that he realized just how hard Phil was. Just the thought of Phil’s cock, leaking with precome and throbbing with the warmth Dan loved to hold in his hand and mouth, made him shiver.

“Phil-” he gasped out, his name not coming out as loud as he imagined they would between his heavy breathing. But Phil heard him and he froze. It was almost like he was worried Dan was going to push him off. As if he was waiting for Dan to call it a night. As sweet as it was to think Phil would do that for him, Dan wanted so badly to prove him wrong. To prove that he wanted this just as much as Phil did. Before he said a single word, he pushed Phil up and over, landing himself on top of the other boy. He placed his hands on each side of Phil’s head, careful not to pull the other’s long hair and looked down at the boy below him. “I wanna make you feel good, Phil.”

Dan didn’t know if he could hold out very long if Phil was kissing at his neck like he had been before and he knew this was the best way to let his cock stop swelling. Phil looked shocked but he didn’t say anything, his slightly open mouth inviting Dan’s into it. He licked his tongue at Phil’s bottom lip and started to lightly grind down on the older boy who was still growing harder. His cock was pressing into Dan’s thigh and he made sure to put special pressure on that leg when he moved his hips.

He did this for a while, kissing Phil’s lips, jaw, even the spot right below the ear. The light kisses made Phil’s hips buck up towards his own and he knew that he had to make another move. Without any hesitation at all, he lifted his mouth from Phil’s face and smirked as he watched Phil’s lower lip tremble with need. He licked his lips to collect the rest of Phil’s taste and then he slid himself down Phil’s body where he could have better access to his boyfriend’s growing member. His head sat between Phil’s thighs and his arms wrapped around his legs, resting right around the navel.

The room was awfully quiet now that Dan had stopped kissing Phil and breathing into his mouth. All he could hear were the staggered pants of Phil and his own light puffs leaving his nose. He kept eye contact with Phil while he palmed the other boy through his jeans. Phil’s shirt was riding up a little and Dan could get a glimpse of his belly button. His happy trail was what did it for Dan, closing his eyes as he briefly imagined the way Phil looked naked. He could feel the other boy squirming beneath his touch and he wanted this moment to last forever. But he knew it couldn’t, Phil was getting desperate for something more and he didn’t want to be a tease. Not tonight. He finally slid his hand up to his waistband, hooking his fingers in and yanking both articles of clothing down. He didn’t want to waste time while he peeled each layer off.

Phil’s cock sprung from the confines of his jeans. Dan took a deep breath when he saw it. Every time, it was better than he remembered. Phil was so big and full, throbbing just for him. He took a moment to watch it as Phil faintly moved his hips which gave his cock a little bounce. Phil moaned when Dan reached out and took his cock into his hand. It was thick and heavy and when he started to stroke it, he could feel it throbbing in his grasp.

“Ahh...” Phil let out a relieved moan, throwing his head back and trying to get the most out of Dan’s delicate strokes. He didn’t want to give Phil everything all at once so he kept his motions slow and his eyes locked on the elder’s face. Phil was clawing at the sheets with his trimmed nails, trying to contain how excited he had become. Dan’s nostrils were closer to Phil’s cock and Dan could tell that he could feel his breath because with each exhale, Phil shuddered.

Without any warning, Dan licked all the way up from Phil’s balls to his slit. Phil’s moans got louder and Dan couldn’t believe what he was doing to him. He wanted more from him so he opened his mouth and sank down and around Phil’s length, getting most of it down his throat. Phil was always impressed by his efforts and he loved to show off to his older boyfriend. He liked that he could do something Phil had never had done on him before. He sucked Phil for a long time. He could feel his own erection starting to ache as he bobbed his head and slurped over Phil’s delicious cock. Every time Phil got close, he would hold his breath and Dan knew that was when he should slow down and lap at the tip softly. He would wait for Phil to come back down again, then swallow the whole thing once more.

Phil wasn’t going to stay submissive for long and Dan had already milked it for as long as he thought would be possible. He could see Phil’s head thinking up ways to turn the tables. Dan popped himself off Phil’s cock, satisfied with the job he just did and crawled back on top of Phil. His jeans were beginning to ache and he knew exactly how to give Phil’s dominance back.

Rolling off of his panting boyfriend, still trying to get over what Dan had been doing to him, he lied on his back and spread his legs. He reached down and unbuttoned his jeans, drawing the zipper down slowly for Phil to watch while his head lied against the pillow. He removed his hands and let the sight of his bulge lure the other boy to him. Phil’s breathing picked up as he bit his lip. He saw what Dan was trying to do, but he fell for it anyway.

Phil jumped up onto his knees, finally discarding the shirt that was covering his heaving chest and he towered himself over Dan who had placed his hands under his head as a sign of submission. Phil gave him a massive smirk and stuck his tongue out as he started at Dan’s neck again. The man was now fully naked, his erection still wet from Dan’s saliva and hanging heavy over Dan’s clothed crotch. Phil sucked at the already purple marks he had left only minutes ago and he worked his way down to Dan’s navel. His shoulders made sure to push Dan’s legs as far apart as they could get and when Phil started to pull at the fabric around Dan’s thighs, the jeans slid off with ease. Phil didn’t remove his boxers however, he slid his hand up Dan’s inner thigh and into the bottom of his underwear. The skin on skin contact startled him but when Phil started playing with his balls and stroking his cock with his thumb, Dan stopped worrying about what was going on and focused just on how it made him feel. He could feel Phil kissing his inner thighs now, sucking little marks once more, figuring that maybe Phil had a thing for that. Dan didn’t mind. He loved having Phil’s mouth all over him.

He enjoyed the feeling of Phil’s fingers delicately playing with the soft skin of his privates and his eyes remained shut as he tried to keep his breathing steady. He would never get tired of Phil touching him. What he didn’t expect, was for Phil to stop touching him altogether, grab the boxers by the little hole in front with both hands and then rip them off. The sound of fabric ripping made Dan jump and he looked down at Phil who looked very proud of himself. He was clearly not expecting that to work at all.

“ _Phil_!” Dan gasped. He was so delirious that it took him a moment to figure out exactly what Phil had done. Even Phil wasn’t exactly aware of what he had done in his moment of desperation that he suddenly looked up at Dan with apologetic eyes. He sat up, sliding the ripped piece of fabric out from under the other boy and held it up with a sad face.

“...sorry,” Phil’s face went red. Dan wasn’t actually mad. The boxers weren’t his favorite anyway, in fact they were barely hanging on in the first place. He had owned them for a while which was probably why they were so willing to rip at the seams for Phil. He was actually even more turned on by Phil’s determination that he started to chuckle.

“That’s okay, Phil,” he reassured as he lied his head back and closed his eyes again, waiting for Phil to keep going. But when Phil didn’t move back down to finish what he started, Dan opened one eye and gave the other boy a smirk. “You can’t just pull a sexy move like that and not complete the job. Come on. Show me what you got.”

Dan teased and it seemed to work. Phil’s eyes lit up and he threw the two broken pieces to the bed and he collapsed down in-between Dan’s legs. Dan had them spread for him so Phil could see it all. Now that they were both naked, the whole situation felt ten times more intimate. He could see Phil looking his naked form up and down, admiring every little crevice. Dan didn’t usually let him take it all in but his confidence right now allowed him to relax as his boyfriend treaded his fingers lightly against his skin. Phil traced his fingers around his thighs and down to his bum which he lightly scratched on his way up to his balls.

“You’re so beautiful, Dan,” Phil whispered as if he were talking to Dan’s cock. But Dan knew the words were for him and he was so close as he spoke them that he could feel his boyfriend’s words on his length. He shut his eyes again and his cock twitched for Phil, hoping Phil would do something to please him.

Phil wrapped his hand at the base of Dan’s cock as he started to stroke the younger boy lightly. He was barely gripping anything but the sensation was enough for a whimper to escape Dan’s lips. He could feel every little pad on Phil’s fingers and palm. He wanted more. _Needed_ more. He wanted to feel Phil as close as he could be. He wanted Phil inside of him. He didn’t know what it would feel like or whether he would like it, but he knew Phil wanted it and that was enough for him.

“Phil...make me feel good,” Dan pleaded, hoping Phil was catching his drift. Phil raised his eyebrows and glanced at the lube that was sitting next to their bed. Dan watched as Phil looked back at Dan with unsure eyes and a question in his brows. Dan nodded for him. He was ready. There was no doubt about it. Phil smiled softly and looked down at Dan’s spread legs with his lip between his teeth. Dan’s cock was twitching in Phil’s light grasp, begging for something more.

Phil grabbed the bottle with this other hand and popped the cap. Dan watched as the older boy let go of his cock, the heavy flesh bouncing against his tummy, Phil squirting a little on his finger. Dan swallowed and he tilted his head back in an effort to calm himself. A waft of artificial cherry smell drifted to him and he giggled, distracted by the scent. He jumped a little when Phil grabbed his cock again, starting to stroke it with a little more purpose.

“Okay Dan, I need you to relax. Can you do that for me?” Phil spoke with a low and sultry tone that Dan melted to. If that voice wanted him to relax, he would relax. He focused on Phil’s hand which was jerking his aching cock as a distraction. He felt Phil’s finger below his balls and then the semi-cold liquid covered his entrance. He tensed up a little initially but then when he thought about Phil’s voice again, he relaxed and tried not to think about how badly it hurt him the first time. “That’s it, Bear. Relax.”

Throwing the pet name in there only made it better. The lulling tone was everything he needed as Phil teased at his entrance. He could feel the area getting wetter which was a strange feeling. Phil’s fingers were long but they were skinnier than Dan’s. He hoped this would help.

“I’m going to start now, okay Dan? Stay relaxed,” Phil said in-between the kisses he was planting on the younger boy’s thigh. Dan was almost so distracted by Phil’s hand around his cock and his lips on his thigh flesh that he barely even noticed the digit that slid inside him. Phil had only pushed it in to the first joint and he was moving it gently in an attempt to get Dan used to the feeling. It didn’t hurt. It felt weird. But it didn’t hurt and that was better than he expected. Phil kept going though, kissing at Dan’s thighs and jerking him a little faster as he pushed his finger further into his tight hole. “That’s it. You’re being so good for me.”

Dan never wanted Phil to stop if it meant he would be getting this praise all the time. He loved pleasing Phil and he had no idea that this activity would bring him so much verbal reward.

“M-more,” Dan breathed out, wanting to hear Phil speak more. He wanted to hear Phil tell him how happy Dan made him. Phil looked up at him with surprise and then smiled, blinking in the form of a nod. He left his finger where it was but he reached out with his other hand to the bottle of lube which he opened and poured on his middle finger. Without the distraction of Phil’s hand on his cock, he was much more aware of the finger that was currently sitting inside him. He wasn’t terribly impressed with the feeling. Having been told how good it felt, he was worried that he just wasn’t going to get it.

Phil seemed to sense the worry in Dan, probably because he was tensing himself up and he licked his lips. Instead of putting his hand around Dan’s cock, he leaned forward and grabbed the tip into his mouth. Dan did not expect this and the moment Phil started flicking his tongue at his slit, Dan’s eyes rolled into the back of his head and he let out a loud moan. It was then that Phil decided to slide the second finger in with the first. Dan’s moan turned sour towards the end and he whimpered a little. The pain wasn’t much, but it was there. It was mildly uncomfortable.

“Shh...it’s okay. Relax. I won’t move until your body gets used to it,” Phil spoke softly and kissed at Dan’s dick, then pulling it into his mouth again, this time giving it a swallow. His fingers remained still, just like he promised and Dan tried to relax, focusing only on the work his boyfriend’s mouth was doing.

About a minute later, Dan was panting. He wanted to come. His dick was aching for it. He was twitching in Phil’s mouth and he knew that Phil was holding back.

“You-” Dan gulped in-between moans. “You can move.”

Phil nodded and he kissed the area around Dan’s cock, licking his shaft right near the balls. Dan felt Phil’s hand tickle lightly at the skin which made him squirm a little. This was good though because now Phil was letting Dan control how he moved. Dan preferred this. He moved his hips a little on Phil’s fingers. Phil was gently wiggling them, stretching his hole without any more pain and Dan was getting used to it.

“Mmm...” Phil kissed Dan’s thighs some more and licked at the bruises as he moved his fingers with a little more speed. His other hand still tickling that special spot under his balls that made Dan shift. “You’re doing so well, Bear. I’m so proud of you.”

Those were the words he wanted to hear. Those were the words that made this easier. He blushed and let himself emit a noise of pleasure, just from the way Phil spoke to him. He wasn’t even aware of how Phil’s fingers were moving at a faster pace, now scissoring in and out of his tight hole. They seemed like they had an agenda but Dan was too pleased to care. He could barely feel them now.

“Now I’m adding the last finger. Relax as much as you can, okay?” Phil suggested gently and Dan took a deep breath. Phil returned his other hand to Dan’s cock and had started stroking it with more speed than he had ever stroked his own cock before. He couldn’t help but admire the arms that Phil had on him. It was rare that he got to see them in action and Dan had to hand it to him, he was quite strong for how lanky he appeared. Phil’s third finger slipped inside him and all Dan felt was a slight stinging that he chose to ignore. “That’s it...”

Phil slowly moved his fingers in and out of the hole, stopping once to add a bit more lube to the mix, then gradually getting faster. When Phil let go of his cock however, Dan could feel the stretch happening and it wasn’t very pleasant. He was getting increasingly worried that he should have been feeling some pleasure by now. Phil’s fingers were still wriggling quite a lot in an attempt to scrape against Dan’s walls but he wasn’t really sure what Phil’s objective was. Phil started digging a little deeper and Dan whimpered in pain. It was only hurting more and more, Phil looking apologetic as he tried to stroke Dan with his other hand. Dan was about to speak up and suggest that maybe they stop when Phil’s fingers scraped against something inside him that sent an electrical shock of pleasure into his brain. He cried out in ecstasy, louder than he had all night. Phil looked pleased and he kept his fingers right where they were, gently massaging the bundle of nerves that he had finally found.

“Wh-wha...” Dan struggled to make sounds as Phil’s fingers continued to tickle the spot deep inside him. “What-what is that?”

“That’s your prostate,” Phil answered with a smirk. “You like that?”

“Y-yeah,” Dan’s face was now sweating, the pleasure hitting him like bullets. “Don-don’t stop. P-please.”

Phil didn’t. In fact, he only pressed up harder on the spot while he stroked Dan’s cock. Even Phil’s cock started to leak as he watched the younger boy writhe in pleasure.

Phil kept thrusting his fingers in and out of Dan’s tight hole, every other time he would hit Dan’s prostate and he would moan out Phil’s name. Phil let go of Dan’s cock and as he kept thrusting, he slithered up Dan’s body. He got to Dan’s neck and sucked a few hickeys into the exposed flesh that Dan was showing as he craned his neck in pleasure. He brought his lips right up to Dan’s ear, nipping at it lightly and then he spoke in the lowest and sexiest voice Dan had literally ever heard.

“You wanna know what it feels like to have my cock hitting that special spot?” Phil bit at Dan’s ear again when he saw how his words made the younger boy’s breath stop altogether. “...over and over and over?”

Dan’s everything was shaking and he wasn’t going to be able to answer. He had never been more overwhelmed with pleasure than he was at that moment. No masturbation session could ever measure up to this. Looking into Phil’s dark eyes as he brought his fingers in and out of him was unreal. He couldn’t imagine it getting any better.

But that’s when it did. Phil read his eye contact as affirmation and his fingers pulled out of his now leaking hole. Dan full on gasped and then whimpered when he felt how empty he was. Phil kind of chuckled and he grabbed the bottle of lube as fast as he could, pouring a generous amount onto his own cock, watching Dan’s desperate body beneath him.

“Just be patient, Love. I’ll take care of you,” Phil soothed. With his lathered cock in one hand, he lowered himself onto Dan who was now mindlessly pleading to Phil in gibberish, begging for him to get closer. Phil laughed sweetly and pressed his lips to Dan’s in an attempt to bring him closer as Dan suggested, but he knew that wasn’t what Dan meant. Dan needed Phil inside him, he needed him to fill him up with his length. He didn’t know how long he could wait. Patience did not come easy to Dan, especially not now. “Are you sure you want to do this?”

Leave it to Phil to ask for consent at the worst times. Dan appreciated it though and he made effort to nod as fast as he could, closing his eyes and preparing for pleasure. He felt the older boy laugh above him and he lowered his hips to Dan’s, Phil’s cock sliding down into his crack. He could feel Phil’s tip pressing against his entrance as he tried to keep his bottom half still. Phil was lining it up so carefully that Dan just wanted to thrust forward. But he didn’t. The anticipation was better anyway and he tried to take deep breaths as he waited. Phil leaned down to kiss Dan again and as soon as their lips touched, Phil’s cock was pushing in. Dan grabbed Phil’s lips hungrily in hopes that it would make Phil go faster. But Phil took his time and slowly sunk himself into Dan. Dan winced a little, the pain a tad bit more severe than it had been with the fingers. Phil’s cock was a little bigger and he understood why Phil was taking it slow. Now that he knew what it could feel like though, he wasn’t about to stop here. Phil stilled his hips after pushing all the way in as he sensed Dan’s trembling. He probably knew how much it hurt and was smart to let Dan have a moment to adjust. He loved the feeling of Phil inside him and he wanted so badly to please his boyfriend. His breathing steadied as he got used to the feeling. Phil had his forehead pressed to Dan’s and they were staring into each other’s eyes.

“Am I dreaming?” Phil asked, suddenly very aware of the situation he was in. “How did I get you, Dan Howell?”

“Good question,” Dan attempted humor, distracting himself from the pain. “Talking to strangers?”

“Ha ha,” Phil nuzzled Dan’s nose against his own. “Very funny.”

“It’s true!”

“Yeah, but how did I end up _here_?” Phil vaguely gestured around them, careful not to move too much. “I genuinely thought I was doomed to the friend zone. And now look! I’ve got my _dick_ inside you.”

“ _Phil_. Don’t ruin the moment,” Dan rolled his eyes but followed with a kiss to Phil’s lips. “Besides...I think I win. _I_ thought I was straight.”

Phil looked at him for a moment with beady eyes, biting his lip.

“Well if you were straight...” Phil started. “You wouldn’t be too into... _this_.”

On his last syllable, Phil pulled out almost all the way and then thrust back in, rocking Dan’s body up in surprise. The younger boy yelped in pleasure as Phil no doubt hit his prostate with his thrust. Dan looked at Phil with fire in his eyes, the surprise being exactly what he needed.

“Oh Dan...” Phil muttered, trying to kiss at Dan’s mouth while the boy had it wide open. He was moving in and out slowly but with a lot of power to his thrusts. “You’re so tight-...so tight for my cock.”

Dan moaned loudly in response to Phil’s words. He was in another world of pleasure. There was no longer any pain. He just felt Phil’s cock going in and out of him, filling him and leaving him just to fill him again. Phil was thrusting at an angle where he was hitting the boy’s prostate each time he went in, Dan reacting with a suddenly much higher pitched moan. He was making sounds that he hadn’t known he could make. Some squeals left his mouth before he finally told himself to quiet down.

Phil’s noises were much quieter. He expelled low grunts as he fucked in and out of Dan slowly. Dan could tell that he was holding back in the fear that Dan might not be able to take it.

“Phil!” Dan cried out when he pushed in a harder than he had been doing. “Just like that! Fuck me like that!”

Phil hesitated for a moment but he was not one to deny Dan something he wanted. It just wasn’t in him. He pulled out specifically far and then shot his hips into Dan’s faster and with more force. Dan screamed in pleasure, gripping the sheets as he watched Phil’s exhausted smile spread across his face. Dan was shocked. He was enjoying this a lot more than he thought he might. Phil was right. It _did_ get better than blowjobs.

Phil’s body was glistening with sweat, his hair was in his face and Dan could tell that he was getting tired. Dan was chasing his orgasm, trying everything in his power to last as long as he could. Phil however, looked like he was about to break. He was squinting and clenching, the things Phil did right before he came. Dan took a few shaky breaths and reached out to grab Phil’s hips. As soon as Phil felt the contact, he slowed and rolled his hips to a stop. Dan was panting - with good reason.

“I want-” he let a trembling grin spread across his cheeks, showing off his dimple to Phil who looked like he was about to collapse. “I want to ride you.”

Phil stared at him blankly.

“What?”

“Lie down,” Dan demanded, Phil was shocked but not stupid. He pulled out with a small wince from Dan and then leaned back against the pillows on their bed. Dan crawled over to his sweaty form and climbed on top of him, straddling him like he was in the beginning. Only this time, he leaned over, reached behind himself and guided Phil’s cock into his wanting hole. Phil was just trying to catch his breath, Dan miles above the learning curve. He wanted Phil deeper and the only way he could do that was to-

“Ooh _fuck!_ ” Dan shouted when he sank down on Phil’s cock, hitting his own prostate as he sat down. Phil shuddered when Dan engulfed his warm and wet cock with his tight hole. Phil looked like he could have blown it right there but he held it in, having to avert his eyes from Dan’s form as he fucked himself on Phil’s rock hard member. “Oh Phil!”

Phil moaned under him. Somehow this was even better. All of Dan’s insecurities had gone. He just wanted to feel Phil inside him, hitting that special spot that drove him crazy.

Dan knew it couldn’t get better than this. His hands on Phil’s chest, Phil’s cock throbbing deep inside him, his walls clenching around the other male in a wet heat. But then, it did. Phil reached forward and wrapped his hand around Dan’s own cock, starting to stroke in rhythm with Dan’s hips. Dan was seeing stars now. He could feel his orgasm building in the pit of his stomach. Phil was now stroking him twice as fast as he could fuck down on Phil, probably because he couldn’t hold it any longer himself.

“Y-you gon-na come fo-for me, Phil?” Dan asked through staggered breaths. Phil’s name coming out clearer than anything else, morphing with a moan.

“Yeah I’m gonna come,” Phil cleared his throat and stroked Dan faster as he approached his climax. Dan could feel the heat getting nearer and nearer, his balls tightening, his heartbeat speeding up, thrusting himself as deep as he could on Phil’s length until Phil’s grip on Dan’s cock got suddenly tighter, the older boy throwing his head back and crying out Dan’s name. Dan could feel Phil’s cock pumping come into his hole, leaking from the sides. He glanced down at Phil who was lightly thrusting and coming into him, that being all he needed to reach his peak as well. He felt the knot in his stomach tighten and he released a moan that topped every moan he’d made that night. He felt bad for his floor mates honestly. He gripped onto Phil’s sides as Phil worked him through his orgasm, stroking his cock slowly as he came in spurts all over Phil’s chest. Phil, coming down from his own orgasm watched as Dan blew his load all over his chest, his cock twitching in response. Dan could feel it move inside of him as the come slowly dripped down and out. He panted and faced the ceiling for a second before collapsing his whole body onto Phil. He didn’t even care that his come was now all over both of their chests. Phil didn’t seem to mind either, his cock still inside of Dan and getting softer every second.

“Holy fucking shit, Phil,” Dan breathed into Phil’s neck who laughed. “How the hell have you been keeping that from me?”

Phil just laughed and tightened his grip around the other boy. He didn’t say anything at all and Dan preferred he didn’t. He knew he was the reason they waited so long but he was proud of himself anyway for throwing caution to the wind and taking a risk.

“You’re amazing...” Dan mumbled into his boyfriend’s neck as they caught their breath. Phil nodded and craned his neck a little to kiss the top of Dan’s head.

“No, Dan, you are. That was incredible,” Phil smiled against Dan’s hair. “Best sex I’ve ever had.”

“Hey, same!” Dan joked. Phil shook his head and shoved the younger a bit. Dan’s hips moved a little and they both made a face of slight discomfort.

“As much as I want to just pass out with you like this, you’ll be even more sore tomorrow if we don’t move...” Phil said sadly, bracing Dan for his expulsion from his entrance. Dan hissed a little when Phil fell from his hole which was now trying to clench itself around nothing, empty and dripping. “Come on, let’s clean ourselves off.”

Phil stood and walked to the bathroom, grabbing a washcloth and wetting it. Dan watched as he walked over, admiring the boy’s body. Phil ran the cloth over his chest and wiped off all the come, running it over his cock as well, then removing any other spots of filth before looking at the bed. Dan was staring at Phil’s fully naked form in awe, totally distracted.

“Dan? Come here, let me clean you off,” Phil said softly. Dan snapped to attention and nodded, sitting up.

“Oh yeah, sorry,” he flushed red and hopped off the bed.

That however, had been a mistake. The moment his feet touched the ground he was confronted with a piercing pain in his bum. Instead of moving forward like he intended to, he went down, collapsing on a pile of clothes. Phil watched this happen and he rushed over to the younger boy.

“Dan? What happened?” he was still fully naked but he didn’t seem to care.

“My...ass,” Dan winced, sighing loudly. “It hurts.”

Phil’s eyes went wide before closing them and hitting himself in the head with his palm.

“Oh dear...I forgot about this part,” Phil looked sympathetic and he took a deep breath before scooping the younger up into his arms and guiding him back into bed. “You’re going to be sore for a little while.”

“Oh...” Dan understood but he was confused how Phil could have forgot this kind of pain.

“Yeah. You took...” Phil kind of smirked as he looked down at his modesty. “A lot.”

“Does it not normally hurt this bad?” Dan started to panic slightly. Phil pet his head softly. “Did you hurt after your first time?”

Phil chuckled a little and bit his lip, looking at Dan with a smug grin.

“No, not really.”

“Well what’s wrong with me then?” Dan couldn’t tell why Phil was amused.

“Nothing’s wrong with _you_...” Phil snickered. He turned around to go wet the washcloth again so he could bring it back over to Dan. “It must have just been a really _small_ stretch for me...”

Then Dan understood what Phil was getting at. A smile appeared on his face to mirror Phil’s. He didn’t know why, but it made him feel better that Phil just took a jab at Alex. After everything he had gone through these past few days, he needed that.

Phil came back and cleaned off Dan’s chest, making sure to get all the little marks Phil had made with his teeth, reminding Dan that they wouldn’t come off. Dan looked like he had been in an actual fight. Thank goodness he didn’t have class tomorrow. Then Phil told Dan to flip over and he wiped in-between his thighs and around his swollen hole. Dan winced a little as he cleaned the area but the pain was worth it. Now whenever he moved, he would think of Phil pounding into him with his massive-

“Dan?” Phil waved a hand in front of his face.

“Hm. Yeah? Sorry,” Dan turned his attention back to Phil who was holding a fresh pair of boxers.

“Do you want to sleep in these or are you good like that?” Phil asked again. Dan had a feeling he knew what he was thinking about, seemingly happy that he had fucked his boy into a daze.

“I’m...good like this. Is that okay?” Dan answered sheepishly. Phil smiled warmly at him and nodded, dropping both pairs onto the floor. He looked down at where they landed and he picked up the Tonberry that had been dropped when their romance began, holding it as he turned out the light and climbed into the bed in his birthday suit. “Plus, you made it very clear how you feel about underwear.”

Phil laughed and collected Dan into his arms without hesitation. He placed the little stuffed animal between them as Dan looked at Phil who seemed pleased with himself. He had a right to be pleased.

“Happy Birthday, Dan,” Phil whispered. He was so close to Dan’s face that he didn’t need to speak any louder.

“Thanks, Phil,” Dan snuggled as close as he could to the older boy, trying to forget what it was like to sleep alone. This was much better. He felt the pang of guilt again and he started to apologize. “I’m really sorry about the-”

“Shh,” Phil closed his eyes and placed a finger to Dan’s mouth. “It’s fine. Stop apologizing. It doesn’t matter. Everything is okay now.”

Dan nodded and let himself get comfortable. The dull throbbing in his bum was still there but the one in his chest overshadowed it. This time it didn’t hurt, it felt wonderful.

“I love you, Dan,” Phil stated as he usually did. He spoke softly into Dan’s shoulder, inhaling his scent. Dan gulped and took a breath. He might as well.

“I love you too, Phil,” he let the words roll off his tongue and he swore he felt Phil’s heart skip a beat. His eyes flew open and he looked at Dan with the most sparkle Dan had _ever_ seen. It was pitch black and he could still see how bright Phil’s eyes were against the darkness. Dan barely got a glimpse of his smile before his lips were on Dan’s and they were kissing softly, Phil tracing circles onto Dan’s chest. Neither of them said anything else for the rest of the night, deciding nonverbally that there was nothing left to say. They just kissed softly for a few minutes, laughing a little as they let their bodies intertwine, then they fell asleep with virtually no gap between them - except where the Tonberry sat of course, keeping watch for them while they slept in each other’s arms.  



	30. Chapter 30

Phil’s soft breathing and slow heartbeat woke Dan from his deep and dreamy sleep. He had never slept better in his entire life and he didn’t need to think hard about why. Phil’s arms were wrapped around him entirely and Dan was laying into his chest, his hand resting lightly against Phil’s chest hair and their legs were intertwined as usual. Dan could feel Phil’s thigh resting gently against his manhood which was plenty taken care of and the faint scent of cherry lingered in the air. He felt the boy beside him rising and falling with each breath and Dan closed his eyes once again to take it all in. He could feel the slight stinging in his rear but he couldn’t care less, the memories of the night before flooded his brain and caused his lips to turn up into a smile.

Phil’s sleep was peaceful and it was after Dan properly admired his slack face and gently closed eyes that he noticed the Tonberry smushed between them. Phil had placed it there last night and Dan remained smiling as he remembered the party and all of Phil’s amazing gifts. He was blushing as he thought about how much he loved Phil, now that he knew what love was like, he couldn’t get enough of the thought. Phil loved Dan unconditionally and Dan was totally enthralled with everything Phil did. They were the absolute perfect couple and Dan sighed as he scolded himself for not doing any of this sooner. Of course he considered that he had to wait until he was fully ready but each day he had thought the day might never come. He was relieved to know that his feelings were true and that he was finally comfortable enough to express them, just as Phil hoped. It felt so good to be out as a couple. Other people could see how happy they were together now. Not to mention, Dan could now kiss Phil when they were hanging out with friends which was surprisingly a struggle not to do anyway.

Dan’s happy thoughts were interrupted by the sound of Phil’s alarm going off. Dan jumped a little and he saw Phil’s eyes flutter open, his arm shooting out to grab the phone. Phil silenced it immediately but he seemed to realize where he was and how close he was to the other boy. Dan hadn’t thought about it much but his birthday was on Thursday meaning today was Friday. Phil had class. Normally Dan was happy that he didn’t have to go anywhere on Friday mornings but today he was specifically bitter. He didn’t want Phil to go anywhere without him.

“Good morning,” Dan spoke softly, testing out his voice which was cracking a little. It must have been the noises he was making the night before - they had been awfully loud. Phil shifted a little, noticing where his thigh had been resting and with a smile and a tiny kiss to Dan’s cheek, Phil responded.

“Morning.” His eyes were barely open and the way he was looking at Dan melted his heart. Phil sat up slightly, adjusting their positions and sliding Dan up a little and onto his chest. “How long have you been up?”

Phil nuzzled into Dan’s hair and Dan watched as he attempted to keep his eyes open. He couldn’t help but smile as he watched the boy try to wake up.

“Not long,” Dan answered quietly, quickly realizing that his voice was close to gone. Maybe he had overdone it with the screaming. His poor neighbors. Phil seemed to notice the other boy’s scratchy throat and scooped him up tighter in his arms and rocked him a little.

“Your poor throat. We need to get you some tea,” he kissed Dan’s forehead and slid his hand down his bare back. “I can bring some back for you after my class if you’d like?”

Dan grimaced at the thought of Phil leaving for class. He subconsciously gripped Phil a little tighter. He would rather they stay right where they were all day.

“Do you have to go to class today, Philly?” Dan spoke into Phil’s neck, using the nickname for the first time. He kind of liked the way it came out and he smiled against the older boy’s soft skin. Phil pushed his head back playfully and giggled. “Can’t we just stay here?”

“I wish I could, because you know I would. But there’s a reason I’ve had my head buried in the books lately, Danny. I have an exam I have to take,” Phil responded using Dan’s nickname and as much as Dan kind of hated it, he liked the way it sounded when it came from Phil’s mouth. Dan sighed audibly and nodded, understanding that of course Phil’s studies came first. After all, he was heading into senior year.

“Well let me at least walk you to class,” Dan offered, shocked that the words had even left his mouth. Phil laughed.

“You? Dan Howell? Want to leave bed and _walk_ me to class?” Dan could feel Phil’s chest rise and fall with hearty chuckles. Dan could see why it was funny but he had never been more serious. He didn’t want to leave Phil’s side for longer than he had to and if walking him to class was the only way, then yes, that’s what he would do. “You don’t have to. I’ll make it there without dying.”

Dan shook his head.

“I’m not worried you’ll die or anything...” Dan claimed as he watched Phil’s smile fall from his face when he realized that Dan wasn’t just joking. “I just, want more time with you this morning.”

Phil looked skeptical but then just pulled Dan into a nice long kiss. Dan didn’t even mind the morning breath that they were both sporting.

“Alright, well I need to shower now if I want to make it in time for the test,” Phil broke from their kiss and gently pushed Dan from on top of him. Dan watched as Phil sat up and stretched. He was still fully naked, flaccid and his body looked paler than usual with the sunlight streaming onto it. Dan could see every individual freckle on his boyfriend’s body. It reminded him of how much he wanted to kiss the other boy’s body. Phil cracked his neck and stood, turning back over to Dan who was giving Phil the saddest pout that he could. “What?”

Dan was embarrassed to say. He didn’t even want Phil going into the bathroom by himself. Dan wanted to be no further than a foot away from his boyfriend right now if he didn’t have to.

“Can you leave the door open?” Dan asked sheepishly, knowing that Phil was looking at him with disbelief. Dan didn’t _want_ to be this needy but he felt like his whole world would tear apart if the other boy so much as put a wall between them. Phil smiled an understanding smile and nodded as he leaned forward and kissed Dan’s brown tuft of hair.

“Can do,” Phil turned tail and went to the bathroom. Dan took a moment to admire the way Phil’s ass sat upon his legs. Phil’s tall form and prominent hips were one of his favorite things about him. He couldn’t help but stare at him as he crossed the room, turning on the shower and waving to Dan a little before stepping in. Dan watched the shower curtain close and his head fell lazily on the pillow. It still smelled like Phil and he inhaled it like his life would end if he didn’t. He knew that Phil was just on the other side of the room but he wanted to be closer. He wanted to be in Phil’s arms again and he didn’t even want to wait the five minutes that it would take for Phil to clean himself.

Jolting into an upright position, he slid out of the bed. He winced as he felt the soreness that was his rear end but decided that it definitely could be worse. It had turned from a constant stabbing pain to a dull and consistent throbbing one. He padded over to the bathroom where the door was wide open and he could hear Phil’s soft humming from inside the curtain. He smiled as he entered the tiny room, gripped the hanging fabric sheet that separated the two of them and slid it gently to the side. Phil was washing his hair and had his eyes closed under the water stream. Dan took this opportunity to step into the shower and then close the curtain behind him, taking in his boyfriend who was covered in little patches of soap and water. Dan had not been prepared for this sight, the water cascading down Phil’s chest and then falling onto his crotch and thighs. It was like how they depicted sexy women in movies but this was real life and it was Phil, not Janet Leigh. He rinsed everything out of his hair and opened his eyes, jumping immediately at the sight of Dan. Speaking of Janet Leigh, he probably should have been less quiet. Phil was probably right about ready to shit himself but his look of surprise turned to glee, which relieved Dan of his worries as he shook his head.

“You really don’t want to leave my side, do you?” Phil pulled him into a wet hug and Dan shivered as he felt their genitals touch in the least sexual way. Phil pulled him under the stream of water so that the warmth fell mostly between them and he kissed at Dan’s neck, making sure to kiss over the spots he had bruised the night before. “You are so beautiful.”

Dan just sighed into Phil’s touch, happy to be beside him again. He took the compliment with a smile as the flashbacks of the night before and Phil’s gentle words filled his head. He slid his hands down to Phil’s lower back and rested them there. It was warm and comfortable, even better than the bed.

“You looked so pretty for me last night...” Phil whispered into Dan’s ear with his sexy voice. “And you look so pretty for me now, all marked up.”

Phil’s hand traced lightly across the little purple and blue spots that littered Dan’s neck. Dan said nothing as he felt both their cock’s twitch. Phil must have noticed what he was doing because he bit his lip and let go of Dan a little.

“I want so badly to take you again, right here, but I can’t and I think you know that,” Phil reached back to Dan’s rear and slid his long finger down his crack. It made light contact with his hole and Dan hissed a little. The pain was fresh and Phil had a point. They were probably going to have to wait a couple days for that to sort itself out. “It will get better, I promise. I’m sorry. I should have stretched you more.”

Dan kissed up at Phil’s lips to distract from the pain.

“It’s okay. It was worth it,” he mumbled between kisses. Phil grabbed the boy’s shoulders and stared back at him with a loving expression. He was proud, Dan could tell. It was a feeling Dan could get used to.

“Now here, let’s get you clean, shall we?” Phil spun him around and pushed himself up against the younger’s backside. He squeezed some of his own shampoo into his hand and Dan could smell it immediately but before he could protest, Phil’s fingers were lathering the fruity scent into his scalp. Dan melted with pleasure. This felt even better than the kissing did and his eyes rolled into the back of his head. Phil chuckled and kept going, making sure there was little to no space between them as he gave Dan a little massage. “Lean back.”

Dan leaned his head into the stream of water and Phil rinsed the shampoo from his now slightly curly hair. He could tell Phil was admiring it just by the way he was looking at him.

Before Dan could process that his hair was clean, he was standing outside of the stream again and Phil had a washcloth covered in soap against his chest. Phil made sure to lather his entire body, putting extra emphasis on the places he touched the night before. Dan could feel the difference between the skin that had marks on it and the skin that didn’t. Phil scrubbed carefully between his thighs and smiled when he looked at the hickeys he had left. He was probably just as thrilled as Dan was to be staring at someone who was entirely his.

After rinsing off and making sure that all the soap had fallen from their bodies, Phil turned off the water and stepped out of the shower. He grabbed Dan’s towel first, wrapping the boy up like a swaddled child and then wrapped himself in his own. He smiled at the way Dan held onto his towel, trying to cover himself as best as he could. They wandered from the bathroom and to their respective wardrobes to put on clothes.

The room was still a mess and Dan felt bad about it as he fished through the clothes on the floor that he had neglected to hang up after pulling them down in search of a specific comfy t-shirt. He turned to see Phil choose a light green shirt with a tiger on it, pulling it on over his head and then picking boxers that matched. Dan pulled on some gray boxers and a very simple black shirt, hoping they’d match his black skinny jeans he’d worn the night before. They didn’t need to be washed - it’s not like he wore them for that long anyway.

“Hey Dan?” he heard Phil ask. He rotated and found a fully dressed Phil standing above him holding a t-shirt in his hand. The t-shirt from the night before. “I know it was _your_ birthday and you didn’t think you were even going to see me, but I just want to let you know how much I dislike this shirt.”

Dan squinted his eyes up at the raven haired boy as the shirt dropped onto his face. He pulled it off and shook his head.

“So you’ve said,” he mumbled, crumbling the shirt and throwing it into the pile of dirty laundry in the corner of the room. He would deal with it later. He stood up and pulled on his pants before finding socks in his drawer. Phil was in the process of pulling a pair of sharks and skunks onto his feet. Dan wanted to comment about how he didn’t like Phil’s choice in socks but in all honesty, he did. He liked everything about Phil’s outfit. He liked everything about Phil. He just grumbled to himself quietly and stepped into his shoes. He scrounged up a jacket that had a hood that he could bunch around his neck, hiding Phil’s rather noticeable bite marks. Phil laughed at him when he saw the younger boy attempt at hiding them.

“So what class is your test in?” Dan asked Phil as they were stepping out of the room, ignoring the other’s looks. Phil had grabbed his backpack and his lanyard, finally ready to leave the room. They locked their door behind them and headed down the hallway.

“Classical English Literature,” Phil responded with a sigh. He didn’t seem super thrilled. “It’s not a terrible class. I actually kind of like it. But I’m worried about this particular exam.”

Phil scratched his head. They reached the front door of their accommodation building and exited into the morning light. Dan squinted in an effort to remove the sun from his eyes. His hair was still a little wet but the sun was already helping him out with that. 

“We had to read Wuthering Heights and during the exam, we’ll have an hour to write an essay about a specific theme,” Phil explained. Dan bit his lip. That sounded hard. It didn’t seem like something he would be particularly good at. He couldn’t remember the last time he read an entire book from start to finish, not counting the Harry Potter series. He was fairly fond of _Where the Wild Things Are,_ but that was a children’s storybook and he knew it didn’t count. Phil reminded him of that every time he brought it up as his favorite book. That was probably why he wasn’t an English major in the first place.

“I’m sure you’ll do just fine,” Dan nudged the older boy as they walked, noticing the slight downward curve that now covered Phil’s usual smile. “Isn’t Wuthering Heights the really long love story?”

Dan didn’t know much about the old classics but he knew that one. He was supposed to read in in secondary school but he consciously decided not to and flunked his quizzes. It was too long and he managed to pass the class without the high marks on those tests.

“Yeah, that’s one way to put it,” Phil grumbled. “Don’t get me wrong, Emily Brontë was a genius and all that but this was not my favorite.”

“Well you read it anyway, so you’ve already done more than I would have,” Dan offered, laughing a little as he did. Phil read a lot more than Dan did anyway. Phil actually had a bookshelf filled with novels, mostly novels about science fiction and horror. “What _is_ your favorite book?”

Phil seemed to like that question, the smile returning to his face as if the answer was sitting on the tip of his tongue the whole time. It felt good that he could make Phil smile a little, even when he was worried about something.

“ _The Jaunt_ by Stephan King. It’s a creepy one but probably one of the best,” he nodded and thought for a moment before adding, “Anything by Stephan King really.”

“So you’ve said,” Dan commented. Phil had expressed his love for Stephan King before. Dan just nodded and they kept walking. It must be rather interesting to be an English major, especially if you enjoy reading as a past time. He shoved the images from The Shining out of his head and shuddered a little. He and Phil had spent an afternoon re-watching that one as well. It was unnecessarily long but Phil insisted that any Stephan King story was worth it. Plus, after visiting Phil’s home, it was much scarier. “I’m assuming Wuthering Heights is nothing like Stephan King?”

Phil laughed and shook his head.

“Nothing like it.”

Dan could feel Phil’s nerves relaxing as they walked. Phil wasn’t usually the one to get nervous about things, especially things relating to school, but Phil had been studying rather hard and it seemed he was genuinely worried. Dan knew he couldn’t do anything substantial to calm his boyfriend’s nerves but then he remembered the night before and how wonderful it all was, instinctively reaching out and grabbing the other boy’s swinging limb. Phil seemed surprised as his fingers laced with Dan’s because they never did this in public before. But Dan was making an effort and that alone made the older boy blush. He was happy. And for a moment, it seemed he forgot the nerves.

Dan walked with a smile on his face as well, his heart fluttering and his mind racing through their entire relationship. Their hands were tightly clasped and he never wanted to let go. He could still feel the slight throbbing in his rear but he was ignoring it entirely, deeming this walk more important than his comfort. They talked about everything and nothing at all which was more than okay with Dan. Phil filled him in about his week and the things that Dan missed. He couldn’t help but smile when Phil told him about the dog that he had been watching. Tyler and Korey had a tiny dog that apparently didn’t like Phil. Dan asked what kind of dog it was and Phil told him he had no idea. He laughed as Phil told him about how it bit his ankles if he didn’t feed it exactly on time. He also mentioned having one more night of sitting left and how Dan was totally invited to experience the terror. Dan haphazardly agreed and then enlightened Phil of the conversation he overheard at the Diner.

“Well Gary seems incompetent anyway,” Phil snarled, not liking the message that Dan had picked up that day. Since then, Dan understood that whatever that guy was talking about was purely false and it shouldn’t have freaked him out that much. He had no doubt that Phil loved him now and there was nothing that could change that.

“I’m sorry again. I can’t believe I forgot about our date,” Phil said again, just as heartbroken as he had the first time. Dan nodded and shuffled a little closer to Phil, bumping their shoulders together.

“It’s okay. The pancakes can wait,” he admitted. He couldn’t care less about their date now that he understood why. He was too happy to care.

“I’ll make it up to you,” Phil promised and squeezed Dan’s hand. “I’ll buy you twice as many pancakes.”

Dan didn’t argue, he just swung their hands together and kept them walking. They reached the building where Phil’s exam was held and Phil guided him to the room, hand in hand. They stopped a few feet from the door and he grabbed Dan’s other hand while he was at it. They leaned their shoulders against the wall and Phil looked into Dan’s sad eyes. Dan didn’t want Phil to go, he knew he had to, but Dan was feeling particularly attached considering he spent the past few days apart from the older boy.

“I’ll be back in a few hours, it won’t be long,” Phil seemed to read Dan’s worried glance. Dan nodded and faced the floor, signaling that he knew this, he just wasn’t too thrilled about it. He watched his own feet shuffle and then saw the pair of blue converses step a few inches closer. He lifted his head and was met with a pair of lips that took his own into them. Dan mumbled something inaudible but melted into the kiss which was warm and comfortable and he almost forgot about the people who had turned to glance at them in the hall. He just closed his eyes and took it all in, the feeling of being in love and being loved back. When Phil broke away, he touched their noses together. “Will you make it without me?”

“Yeah,” Dan mumbled, knowing he was being a baby.

“Okay,” Phil glanced down at Dan’s neck and chuckled. Dan covered himself up a little more, hoping nobody had noticed as his jacket slid off his shoulder a tad. “Wish me luck.”

Dan kissed Phil once more, surprising the older boy and then he watched as Phil entered the classroom that was starting to fill up. Dan stood for a moment but he quickly decided that lingering outside his boyfriend’s classroom wasn’t something he wanted to be doing and he started to venture back to their building.

He had only made it about a fourth of the way back when he was suddenly tackled from behind by none other than Louise. She was wearing a white shirt with yellow, turquoise and blue polka dots littering it. Her jeans were tight and she had pulled on some tall brown boots to match. Dan looked down at his all black attire, his hoodie bunched at the top and prepared himself for a fashion lecture but it never came. Louise pulled herself off of him and he took that moment to adjust his collar in an effort to hide his proof of the night before.

“Hello, Darling!” Louise chimed after Dan stood there staring at her blankly. He wasn’t prepared to see anyone but Phil that morning and now that Phil had gone, he was ready to climb back into his warm cocoon. “What brings you out on a Friday morning? I thought you didn’t have classes.”

“I don’t. I was just walking Phil to class,” Dan answered truthfully. His voice was still pretty crackly and he hoped she wouldn’t ask about it. He watched as Zoe caught up to Louise who apparently ran to meet Dan. “Hi, Zoe.”

“Hello, Dan, how are you?” her velvet voice spoke as she practically curtsied at him.

“I’m fine,” he nodded and shoved his hands in his pockets. “What are you guys up to?”

“Well, we were headed out for a nibble at the little cafe over there. Would you like to come along?” Louise invited and Dan opened his mouth to tell her no but he stopped himself. He could feel his empty stomach. He had eaten a little at the party but ever since then, he hadn’t consumed anything but beer. He could go for a meal.

“Yeah sure, why not?” he responded instead. The girls both squealed and clapped their hands together. Dan was starting to get the impression that they both genuinely liked Dan and _wanted_ to spend time with him. This warmed his heart a little and took his mind off of how much he missed Phil.

They started walking in the direction of the cafe, Dan standing on their left so that they wouldn’t accidentally see his neck marks.

“The party was really fun, Dan. Thanks for inviting us,” Zoe’s lip gloss sparkled as she smiled in his direction.

“Well really it was all Phil and Tyler,” Dan couldn’t take the credit for a party his boyfriend threw. “But thank you for coming.”

“Sure thing!” she chirped back, rubbing his arm a little. “I would never turn down the opportunity to go to one of Tyler’s parties.”

Dan laughed and nodded.

“He does throw some good ones, doesn’t he?” he flashed a look at Louise and she smiled at him.

They walked to the cafe slowly, both girls taking their time and chatting about the latest gossip. Louise seemed to be convinced that Zoe and Alfie were going to be together forever and Dan just listened to all of her reasons why. Zoe and Louise were not just roommates, they were best friends. Louise knew _everything_ about Zoe and vise versa. It was very entertaining to listen to them talk. It was like listening to a very well written sitcom.

“I had to get out of there right away! You know how I feel about vomit!” Zoe commented. Louise nodded. They were now talking about the end of the party when Tyler got a little _too_ drunk. As usual.

“How do you feel about vomit?” Dan asked, curious now.

“She’s afraid,” Louise answered for her. “Like actually afraid.”

“Haven’t thrown up since I was seven,” Zoe claimed, seeming to be proud of this fact. “And even then it was just a smidgen.”

“How can someone be afraid of vomit? It’s like a natural bodily function,” he asked, kind of laughing. “That’s like being afraid of poop.”

“That’s a thing actually,” Louise chimed in. “It’s called coprophobia.”

“Why do you know that?” Dan asked, not entirely shocked that Louise would have that information ready. She didn’t answer and Zoe carried on.

“I just am. I can’t be in the same room as it. Or smell it...it’s _beyond_ gross,” she shuddered. “Let’s quit talking about it before I faint or something.”

They were nearly there anyway. The three walked in silence through the front door of the little cafe and Dan could immediately smell the croissants that had been freshly made that morning. He rarely ever came to this place but he couldn’t remember why. He was practically drooling. The hunger was hitting him now and he made a note to bring Phil back sometime.

They ordered their little breakfast pastries and sat down at a table outside, the morning air not too cold. Louise complained about how she hated eating outside but Zoe just rolled her eyes, arguing that it was a beautiful day and that she should just shut up and enjoy it. After finally getting Louise to sit down, Dan sat across from them as he started to nibble on his chocolate croissant. He completely forgot to make sure his hood wasn’t slipping down his shoulder and when he looked up at the girls to see why they hadn’t begun talking, he was greeted with two open mouths. They were glaring right at his neck.

“Sweet Jesus,” Zoe whispered, giggling a little and turning away. Blush crept up her cheeks. “Dan...”

Dan reached up and tried to cover the marks but he was too late. Both of them had seen already and it was no use. He sighed and could already feel his face going red. He knew what they must have been thinking.

“Danny, you Dirty Bird,” Louise gasped, clearly amused by what she saw. “I didn’t realize Phil was such a _biter_. You sure this isn’t some Twilight shit?”

“I...” Dan’s voice was catching in his throat and his face only gained a few more shades of crimson.

“Dan...what on earth did you get up to last night?” Louise teased with knowing eyes. Dan didn’t know how to answer the question so he remained quiet. “If I didn’t know any better, I would assume you and Phil...”

She stopped and looked into his surely widened eyes. He could feel the heat radiating off of his flushed face. He knew these girls could see right through him.

“Oh my God you did,” Zoe added to Louise’s sentence in a serious tone. “You guys totally had sex last night.”

“Birthday sex!” Louise gasped quite loudly. He was suddenly glad that Zoe had convinced Louise to sit outside. Her grin would have been menacing if he didn’t know her any better. “Danny!”

Dan gulped.

“No wonder you’re out before noon!” Louise nodded as though it all made sense now. “You wanted to walk your _love_ to class.”

Dan just stared. They weren’t wrong. He knew better than to argue.

“That is so _cute!”_ Zoe squealed as she bit into her pastry. “It’s about time.”

Dan flashed Louise a confused glance. Louise kind of looked into her lap with shame.

“I thought I told you not to-”

“Oh, I couldn’t keep it from Zoe! You know me! I’m terrible with secrets!” Louise argued. Zoe politely smiled and nibbled on her breakfast. Louise seemed to feel bad and he sighed. In the end it didn’t really matter. Everyone knew now and Louise had done more than enough to help him through all of his issues. He should have known she would mention it to her best friend at least. “Everyone knew anyway, Danny. They were just too afraid to ask.”

She had a point. Nobody was particularly shocked to find out.

“But enough about that! Tell me! Was it good? Did it hurt?” Louise leaned forward and placed her chin in her hand. “Tell us all the _juicy_ stuff.”

“I don’t really think-”

“You can’t walk around showing off marks like those without a proper explanation,” Zoe interrupted with a pointing finger.

“Plus, I told you all about my first time with Matt. You owe me,” Louise stated.

“I didn’t _ask_ you to tell me!” Dan protested. “You just told me.”

“Well we’re _asking_ you. So come on, let’s hear it,” Louise waved her hand in the air as if she was beckoning the words from his mouth. They waited a moment as he stared back at them. He knew they weren’t going to shut up if he didn’t give them _something_. Anything.

“There’s not much to tell...” Dan hesitated, fishing through the memories of the night before in his head. He had to filter through in the attempt to find something PG enough to mention. The whole thing was just a blur of passion and happiness. He didn’t exactly know how to translate that into words.

After a considerable amount of silence, the only thing Dan could hear was Louise’s freshly manicured nailed tapping on the table, she cleared her throat.

“Okay, why don’t you start with whether it hurt or not,” Louise asked. Because Dan was new to the whole _gay sex_ thing, he understood where this question came from. It seemed people always wanted to know the mechanics of the whole ordeal. He was guilty of this, googling most of his queries to save face, but he knew what she was getting at. He sighed and decided to give them an honest answer in an attempt to end the ignorance.

“Only a little,” he made sure to keep the answer short so he wouldn’t give too much away. He wasn’t sure how happy Phil would be with him disclosing this kind of information to anyone, even if it was Louise. On second thought however, he did want to brag a little. “But only because Phil happens to be rather...”

He trailed off with a hand gesture, hoping that they got the message. It was evident that they had, the raised eyebrows and glances they gave each other spoke for itself.

“But it was good, yeah?” Zoe asked, leaning in and taking a sip of her small latte. Dan smirked a little and nodded in response. He didn’t need words. “I mean, it must have been. Those marks are really something.”

Dan reached up and held his hand against his neck where the marks were littered. He couldn’t help but feel proud. As weird as it was, he enjoyed the idea that Phil had made him his with a signature of sorts.

“He really got you,” Zoe bit her lip as the girls leaned in further to get a better look at the hickeys. “If anything, he’s thorough.”

“So that means you’re a bottom then,” Louise commented with a smile. “Does this officially make you gay?”

“Louise, I’m not gay. I’m bi. And being a bottom doesn’t make you gay,” Dan clarified as he shook his head. He knew she was half joking and he would only take this kind of joke from her.

“Whatever you say, Danny,” Louise rolled her eyes and finished off her pastry. “I’m just shocked you went through with it.”

“Hey!” he laughed, probably just as shocked as she was, pretending to be offended.

“Oh come on, Dan. Do you remember when you first met Philly and you thought he had a crush on you? You went all crazy and made me flirt with you to get him off your scent,” Louise reminisced. “And now you’ve gone and shagged him. I’m just saying. It’s a little bit funny.”

“I know, I know,” Dan mumbled, crossing his arms and leaning back in the chair. She had a point but he was done thinking about those days. He was so stubborn and immature. It was a wonder Phil stuck around this long in the first place. He wished that they would stop asking questions so that they could move on and get back to their rooms. They had all finished their breakfast at this point and Dan was ready to go. In his head he had decided that he would clean up a little while Phil was gone so that when he got back with tea and hopefully a little lunch, the room wouldn’t be so messy. It was the least he could do for the way he treated Phil in the past week.

“Okay, Dan, one last question,” Louise grinned. “If you could use any word to describe your night last night, what would it be?”

Dan was in the process of getting up and clearing his trash when she asked and he froze, his brain shooting out an obvious answer. The corners of his mouth rose and he looked up to meet her eyes as the word fell from his lips.

“Cherry.”

 

-

 

The room was as clean as it was going to get without Phil’s tidying skills. Dan collapsed on the almost made bed and sighed. Phil would be home any minute and he had straightened up to the best of his abilities. He couldn’t be bothered to vacuum however as he stared at the pieces of lint that were annoyingly imbedded into the carpet. He just lied on the bed with the side of his face smushed against a pillow and stared. He was just so happy. He had everything. All he wanted was for Phil to walk through the door and come join him in bed again.

As if the Universe hadn’t thrown enough wonderful things into his life in the last 24 hours, he heard the almost melodic sounds of a key fitting into the door and sure enough, the tall dark haired boy pushed into the room. Dan was sure he had never sat up quicker in his entire life. Not for anything. Phil’s grin was immediate as well and he dropped his backpack and another bag he was holding onto the ground before crossing the clean room to kiss Dan who was sitting up on their now made bed. Phil wrapped his arms around the younger boy and pet his head gently.

“Hi,” he kissed Dan on the forehead after hugging him for a few seconds. “You cleaned. Thank you.”

“I did,” Dan was glad Phil noticed. Although, he wouldn’t have blamed him if he hadn’t. He wanted to be the only thing Phil was looking at anyway. “How was your exam?”

“It went better than expected,” Phil said as he pulled away from Dan. He sat down on the ground next to the other bag he brought back with him. “I brought back some Chinese food.”

Dan slid out of the bed and sat down next to Phil. They had determined weeks ago that eating on the bed was a bad idea after spilling some sauce that was rather difficult to get out on the duvet.

“Thanks,” Dan waited patiently for Phil to pull out all of the cartons, serving the fried rice and dumplings onto paper plates from the bag. “And I told you you’d be fine.”

“I know,” Phil smiled and took a bite of his first dumpling. “Thanks for walking me to class.”

“That’s okay. I ran into Louise and Zoe,” Dan mentioned. “They saw my neck and kind of freaked.”

Phil’s eyes widened and he covered his mouth as he laughed, trying not to spill food everywhere.

“Yeah, they were relentless. Called you a vampire and everything,” Dan pointed out, never wanting to be compared to a Stephanie Meyer book again. Phil seemed to find it amusing though and that was all he could hope for.

“Well I’m surprised I didn’t get a text from Louise,” Phil raised his eyebrows. “I’m assuming they figured out-”

“Yupp.”

Phil just chuckled and grabbed Dan’s hand with his own, using the fork with the other.

“You’re a good sport,” Phil commended. “Louise is a good person but she is your exact opposite. I wonder sometimes why she hangs around you.”

“I was thinking the same thing earlier!” Dan agreed. “I think she likes to get me riled up.”

“For sure,” Phil nodded along and shoved more rice into his mouth.

“Whatever. She’s just Louise. I don’t think I can get away from her now. It’s too late,” Dan rolled his eyes.

“Good point.”

They sat and ate their food as Phil talked about his exam. He explained how he had to write about revenge and love and that all he could think about was getting back and climbing into bed with Dan for some overdue snuggles. Dan liked that idea. He was already thinking about climbing into the bed after lunch and it was then that his plan solidified.

Phil insisted on cleaning up the take out boxes since Dan cleaned the room, as he ordered Dan to get into the bed. Now that there wasn’t a test to get to, Phil the eternal hypochondriac, was mildly concerned about Dan’s rear end. He threw away the dirty plates and then he crawled into bed with the little cocoon that was Dan Howell.

Phil nestled himself right into Dan’s neck crevice and nibbled a little at his shoulder playfully. He made a little rawr sound and Dan giggled because it tickled a tad.

“Remember when you warned me to watch out for lions?”

“Yes,” Phil rawred again and clawed at Dan’s side lightly and with a grin.

“What if you’re the lion I should have been watching out for?” Dan asked, laughing a little. “If you were I’d have no idea.”

Phil laughed and buried his face into Dan’s shoulder again.

“I guess as long as there’s no attacking, then you’re allowed to be my Lion,” Dan said firmly but with a smile. Phil was quiet for a moment and then he lunged his arm out and pretended to claw at the Tonberry that was sitting on the bed not too far from them.

“Attack!” he called, pretending to gnaw at the little stuffed animal’s neck. Then Phil started clawing on him as well, repeating the word over and over. “Attack! Attack!”

“No, no, no!” Dan laughed and tried to remove the other boy from him but he was unsuccessful. Phil was pretending to chow down on a chunk of his neck. “Noo, don’t attack.”

They played for a little while, shifting between playful wrestling and light kissing, until Dan’s eyes started feeling heavy. Phil seemed rather tired as well and their food comas had arrived. It was time for a nap. They were already in bed and figured they might as well. Dan settled into Phil’s arms like he had the night before and nodded in approval at their position.

“I love you, Bear,” Phil said in a soft and quiet voice that Dan could never get tired of.

“I love you too, Lion,” Dan responded, Phil seeming very content with the nickname and he squeezed Dan a little tighter in his arms just before Dan closed his eyes and drifted into his happy place for the time being.


	31. Chapter 31

“Dan! Dan!” Phil was shaking him awake. He opened his eyes with a groan. Phil was hovering above him and peppering small kisses to his jaw as he grasped his shoulder and shook. “Dan get up!”

“Hmmph...Phil?” Dan could see the older boy’s smile on his face so he knew it wasn’t an emergency but Phil was acting as if it was just as important. “Whattime isit?”

Dan’s world was still fuzzy as he half sat up and he felt around the bed for his phone. Checking the screen, he realized it was nearly three in the morning on a Wednesday. And during finals week as well.

“Phiiiil,” Dan groaned and tried to turn over into the pillow and away from the boy that was not letting up on the shaking.

“Dan get up! Come on!”

“What doyouwant?” his words slurred, his eyes peeking open just slightly.

“We have places to be!”

“Where could we possibly need to be right now, Phil?” Dan was so confused but he was beginning to give up on the idea of ever getting back to sleep. Not at the rate that Phil was shaking him. He forced his eyes open and groaned.

“Just get up!” Phil climbed off of him and Dan sighed loudly as he sat up and rubbed his eyes. He noticed that Phil was fully dressed in jeans, a t-shirt and a jacket. He was leaned over and lacing up those familiar blue converses. Dan was still shirtless and he was only wearing his boxer shorts. How long had Phil been up? “Get dressed! Come on, chop chop!”

“Phil! It’s three in the morning! On a Wednesday!” Dan slid himself out of bed and momentarily forgot how to stand. His knees locked slightly but as soon as he stopped himself from falling, he was suddenly hit in the face with a shirt.

“You said you didn’t have an exam tomorrow, right?”

“I don’t but-”

“Then get dressed.”

It was true, Dan did not have any finals tomorrow. It was actually the only day of the week that he didn’t have any finals. He had got all of the less difficult ones out of the way and now he was preparing for the harder ones. History of Law was going to be hard but it was not going to be as difficult as his maths final. He had always been pretty rubbish at maths and not even Phil’s study method was going to help him. Weeks and weeks of ignoring the homework and not taking the class seriously was going to lead to a strong failure in that department. Not to mention his french final. He had taken french in high school and didn’t learn a thing. Granted, his teacher was crazy, but when he started the University version of the course, it didn’t prove to be any better. He didn’t like to think about it. Much like the rest of his year, he was determined to shove the thoughts of his exams into the back of his mind, not bothering to study because he found that it was easier not to care. He didn’t give two shits about school, he wasn’t happy with the track he was headed in and it didn’t matter to him what he got on his tests. All this put Dan on edge however and he had been in this state of mind for a few days. He often grumbled to himself while doing his homework, paced when he needed a break and took long naps to avoid thinking about it. Dan unfolded the shirt that Phil had thrown him and as he did, the lights switched on, making him forget about his entire train of thought.

“Ack!” Dan made a noise of disapproval and shielded his eyes with the fabric in his hands. The t-shirt he was holding did not smell like his own and upon further inspection, he realized that it was one of Phil’s. His purple Dr. Pepper shirt specifically. “Phil, this is _your_ shirt.”

“And?” Phil seemed unfazed. Dan stared at the older boy for a moment as he fixed his hair in the mirror across the room and then Dan rolled his eyes, throwing the shirt over his head. “You’re not going out there in underwear are you?”

Dan looked down at his boxer shorts and then glared at Phil as he crossed the room on his now barely functional legs, snagging a pair of jeans off his shelf.

“Phil, why are we-”

“No questions. I won’t answer them,” Phil interrupted quickly, holding his hand up in an effort to shut the younger boy up.

And with that, Dan fell silent. He picked up the pace and grabbed a pair of black socks, pulling them over his cold feet and then deciding on a jacket. Phil brought him his shoes and dropped them at his feet, stopping to kiss Dan’s cheek while he was at it.

“This better be worth it, Phil. I have to get my beauty rest,” Dan mumbled as he slipped his already tied shoes onto his feet.

“No amount of sleep will fix _your_ face, Dan,” Phil jabbed. Dan rolled his eyes and shook his head. He supposed that he set himself up for that one. “Are you ready? It’s time to go.”

“But where?” Dan asked with a frustrated edge to his voice. Phil’s silence and opening of the door made him sigh and he walked out of the warmth of their room. Phil closed and locked the door behind them as they traveled down the hallway silently, walking out the front door of the accommodation building.

“Follow me,” Phil grabbed Dan’s hand as he picked up his pace. Dan wasn’t angry. He was actually smiling a little at Phil’s behavior. Phil’s excitement had always been contagious and he seemed to have a plan. Phil knew Dan better than anybody ever had and he trusted that Phil always had a good reason for everything he asked Dan to do.

“You’re crazy,” Dan mumbled as he blinked, adjusting to the outside temperature and the drastic change in lighting. “I’m assuming I still don’t get to know where we’re going?”

“Shhh. You’re going to wake up the whole University,” Phil scolded him. His faster pace and slight tugging on Dan’s arm gave him his answer and he shushed, blindly following the older boy as he led them off of the campus. Dan took the time to watch the lightless city, something he didn’t get to admire much. He rarely went out and about after nightfall and he had to admit it was kind of refreshing to be outside. It was the exact change in scenery he had been craving.

He held tightly to Phil’s hand and admired the way Phil’s bright eyes still shined in the darkness of the night. It had been almost a week since his birthday but every time he met his boyfriend’s gaze, he was greeted with the same passion and love that poured from the older boy that night. It was refreshing, especially after the week Dan had.

Their long legs carried them for minutes. Phil was tugging Dan along and Dan’s lungs were barely able to push air through fast enough. He was pretty much panting behind his speedy companion which was surprising because Phil was usually the clumsy one. The air was clear and crisp, not warm enough to go out without a jacket, but it was comfortable. Dan could only hear their footsteps as they turned street corners and weaved through a few alleys. Dan just hoped that Phil knew where he was going.

Phil stopped abruptly in front of a building, catching Dan off guard. Dan had sure as hell never been on this side of town before and he looked up at the many storied concrete fixture. It looked like a bank building or something involving business. Hell, maybe it was a law firm belonging to Dan’s future employers. Phil stood and let Dan catch his breath. Dan was leaning over with his hands on his thighs, this close to hacking up a lung.

“Phil.”

“Mmhhm?” Phil hummed and swayed back and forth. He didn’t look tired in the slightest.

“What the hell are we doing here?”

“Do you trust me?”

The question threw Dan off. Of course he trusted Phil. He trusted Phil more than he trusted anyone else on the planet. Not just anybody could drag him out of bed in the middle of the night. But he needed answers. It was getting a little ridiculous.

“Y-yeah, of course I do, Phil. But why are we-”

“Then hush,” Phil ordered, smiling at Dan to most likely reassure him. Dan rolled his eyes but he couldn’t argue. Once Phil’s mind was set on something, it was best not to ask. “Follow me.”

Phil started for the alleyway that sat between the two tall structures and the light vanished from around them. As Phil walked deeper into the alleyway, Dan’s heart started to pick up pace. Phil walked slower this time so that Dan didn’t have to work as hard to keep up. Dan took advantage of their speed to grab tentatively onto Phil’s jacket. Phil seemed to notice his hand clasping onto his clothing and he slowed even more, giving Dan’s heartbeat a moment to catch up.

“You’re not afraid of heights, are you Dan?” Phil turned towards Dan to ask the question. Dan wanted to shake his head instead of speak, but without the aid of the streetlights, he didn’t really have a choice.

“No,” he said with hesitation. It was too late to back out of whatever was happening now and it didn’t help Dan’s nerves.

“Good,” Phil finally stopped walking. They were in the middle of the alley, the opening to the outside world was far from their reach and it was darker than Dan remembered it could be in a city like Manchester.

“Phil, what the hell are we doing?” Dan broke Phil’s _no questions_ rule. He checked over his shoulder and then tightened his grip on Phil’s jacket. “I love you but this is some seriously sketchy shit.”

“You’re not very good at being on the other side of surprises are you?” Phil put his hands on his hips and sighed. Dan didn’t take offense. He was rather impatient and it was true, surprises weren’t really something he was used to receiving. But now he was standing in the middle of a dark alley, at almost three in the morning, with someone who was asking him if he was afraid of heights.

“Okay. You woke me up, dragged me outside in the middle of the night and now we’re standing in the middle of an alley! Please just tell me what we’re doing here?” Dan begged. He had attempted for it to sound assertive but instead it came out much more whiny. He even stomped his foot a little for good measure.

“Relax, relax,” Phil soothed. Dan’s eyes had adjusted a little to the darkness and he could see the older boy’s face. Phil seemed content with Dan’s frustration and just before Dan opened his mouth to say anything else, Phil looked up at the side of the building with a smile. Dan’s eyes followed his boyfriend’s gaze and what he saw made him swallow.

“Phil...” Dan backed away from him a little. “Don’t tell me we’re-”

Phil wasn’t listening to Dan as he reached up, grabbing the metal ladder from the fire escape, pulling it down and locking it into place with a loud click. Dan glanced around to see if anyone had heard the noise and come around to investigate. The ladder fell to right below Phil’s waist and he lifted his leg up, testing the support with a little pressure on his foot.

“Are you _crazy_?” Dan hissed at his boyfriend, now extremely conscious of how high the building was. It must have been at least 30 stories tall. Manchester was known for it’s historic buildings, old and renovated. This fire escape was old too, creaky and rusted. Even though the building was most likely up to code, that thought did nothing to comfort him. His mind was whirring with even more questions. Was Phil expecting him to climb this? Why had Phil brought him here? How did he even find this alleyway in the first place? _What was Phil thinking_?

Phil didn’t answer, probably because he knew the answer wouldn’t please Dan, he only hoisted himself onto the ladder and looked up at the many metal flights above him. He turned to Dan who found himself frozen in place when Phil locked eyes with him. Without even looking away, Phil climbed up to the first landing, smiling when he reached the top. He put his hands on the rung of the next flight.

“Oh my God, I’m dating a crazy person,” Dan mumbled. His hand reached his head to grab a couple clumps of hair into his distressed fingers. “This is where I die.”

“Oh, don’t be dramatic,” Phil rolled his eyes and took his hands off of the ladder in front of him. He squatted on the landing and reached his hand down, leaving it open for Dan to grab. “Come on. I promise you won’t die.”

Dan stared at him, then the fire escape, then at him, then at the ladder, sighing. He hated how much he wanted to please Phil.

“If I fall...” Dan said as he stepped slowly closer. “...you have to jump after me.”

“Well then we’ll both die!” Phil argued playfully, knowing full well what Dan meant.

“Exactly,” Dan glared at the older boy as he grabbed his hand. Phil nodded and agreed to the little deal, smiling as he helped the younger up onto the escape. “What if we get caught?”

“Then we just tell them what we’re doing.”

“Which is...?”

“Playing an extreme version of chutes and ladders.”

“I always hated that game,” Dan mumbled, rejecting the joke and focusing on the rung of the second ladder. He followed closely behind as the older boy climbed each landing. They took it slow and Phil made sure Dan was right behind him. Dan normally would appreciate the gesture but he was too busy focusing on climbing. He never thought climbing could be something that he would be bad at, but there he was, another thing to add to his list of reasons why he was a fail.

“We’re halfway there,” Phil notified him gently. The air was starting to get colder and he was starting to regret telling Phil he wasn’t afraid of heights. Maybe if he had told him he was, they would have turned back. But it was too late now, wasn’t it? His fate had been sealed.

It was then that Dan made a fatal mistake. He stopped on one of the landings and instead of looking up at Phil like he had been doing as he waited for the other boy to reach the next one, he looked down. Dan might not be afraid of heights but _anybody_ would freak out if they were fifteen flights up a fire escape in the middle of the night. Both his mind and his body froze and he felt the blood leave the top half of his body.

“Ph-Phil?” he grabbed onto the railing with a shaking hand and he swore his heart had stopped beating. The lump in his throat got bigger and his voice cracked. “Ph-il?”

Phil turned and looked at the younger boy who’s face had gone white. He understood exactly what had happened before Dan needed to say anything at all.

“Hey, hey,” Phil snapped a couple times to pull Dan from his trance. “Hey, look at me.”

Dan moved his eyes to his boyfriend who’s face was a slight comfort at the very least.

“Don’t look down, look at me,” Phil smiled and reached down to grab his hand. “Just a little higher. Come on, Bear.”

Dan hated that the nickname calmed him as much as it did. Leaving Phil’s mouth, it sounded like chocolate. He let go of the railing and grabbed Phil’s appendage with his clammy hand. He slowly and silently climbed the next ladder, and then the next, and then the next, and soon, they reached the last one. All the while, Phil reminding him to look up at him and not down. When Phil hoisted himself up onto the roof of the building, he pulled Dan up after him, guiding him a few feet away from the edge before the younger boy collapsed to his knees. He didn’t think he could stand any longer on his legs that he was convinced had turned to jello. He hung his head and tried to get the blood to flow into his face and brain again. Phil knelt next to him and rubbed his back. He must have known that he had pushed Dan a little and that he needed a moment to collect himself.

Ultimately however, it was the cool breeze that pulled Dan out of his little headspace. He slowly lifted his head and guided his gaze to Phil who was smiling a gentle smile at him. He didn’t seem out of breath in the slightest but he seemed understanding nonetheless.

“What the fuck, Phil!” Dan exclaimed when he finally got his words back. Phil looked kind of hurt until he realized that Dan had begun to laugh. It started as a slight snicker but in seconds, Dan was releasing a hefty chuckle. Maybe it was his nerves, maybe it was the actual hilarity of the situation, but he laughed for what seemed like minutes.

“What’s so funny?” Phil couldn’t help but laugh a little as well. He always told Dan that his laugh was contagious.

“I can’t believe we just did that,” Dan said between laughs. “You _are_ crazy.”

Phil seemed thrilled that Dan wasn’t mad at him and if Dan was being honest, now that they were up on the roof, he wasn’t scared anymore. It seemed his laughter had expelled all of the fear from his previously frightened vessel.

“I never said I wasn’t,” Phil laughed a little harder himself. “But we didn’t die so I guess it’s not the bad kind of crazy.”

“I guess not,” Dan agreed as he finished up his little laughing fit. He was clutching his stomach and inhaling the breezy air when he realized the reality of where they were. He averted his eyes from Phil’s and took in his surroundings. Without saying another word, he stood from his crouch and started walking over to the opposite edge of the roof. He could hear Phil following him silently. “So was this your master plan, Philly? To lead me up here and then push me off?”

“You caught me. I finally got sick of your constant pen tapping,” Phil replied, his recognizable chuckle following after.

“Well I’m sorry to say, now that I know your true feelings I guess I’m going to have to push you off instead,” Dan reached the other side and his hands met the four and a half foot concrete wall that surrounded the roof. “Got any last...words?”

His joking tone faded and his mouth shut when he actually looked over the edge of the building. Something Dan had not considered when he was climbing the fire escape and making his way up the side of the building, was the view once they reached the top. Phil came up behind him and rested his chin on the younger boy’s shoulder. He barely noticed him however as he took in what he saw before him. They were on top of the tallest building in a few block radius. Not only could he see the University from here, he could see the Diner, the park they picnicked at, Tyler’s neighborhood, and everything in-between. All of his words were sucked from his brain as if they had jumped over the edge into the city of lights below them. It reminded him of the Skybar in Phil’s hometown but on a grander scale. In the distance, Dan could see a little green logo that made him smile. Just the thought of the few times Phil had taken him to the Starbucks and the Caramel Macchiatos they ordered together made his heart warm. The cool breeze brought him back to the night he shared S’mores with Phil’s family. Dan’s eyes grazed over the rooftops and every thought that plagued him up to this point completely disappeared. The warmth of Phil standing next to him comforted him and for the first time in a few days, his head felt clear. The stress of schoolwork, final exams, the end of the year...all gone. Right over the edge with the rest of his fear.

“I’ll take this silence as a chance to tell you how much I love you,” Phil cheerfully filled the roof’s quiet with kind words. Dan wasn’t going to speak just yet so he hoped Phil would understand his speechlessness as reciprocation. Phil kissed him on the cheek softly and sighed against his neck. Dan shivered but in a good way as he looked over the edge at the carless streets. “I hope you aren’t upset at me for dragging you up here.”

Dan leaned his head on the top of Phil’s and let out a long understanding sigh. He didn’t know exactly why Phil brought him up there, but he knew that Dan was a sucker for great views and this was no different. He never knew that Manchester could be so pretty. Dan loved the night air that 3am always supplied. It was refreshing for sure. Phil really did know what made him the happiest.

“M’not mad,” Dan acknowledged quietly. He at least needed Phil to know that he appreciated what Phil was doing, even if he wasn’t sure what that was exactly.

“Good,” Phil nodded and as if their night hadn’t already been dangerous enough, Phil stepped away from Dan and started to climb the wall in front of them. This was what ripped Dan from his happy place, his hand reaching out and grabbing the back of Phil’s jacket.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Dan couldn’t imagine why Phil was taking that risk. After all they just went through to get up there in the first place, Phil was risking his life all over again.

“Getting a better view,” Phil responded, giving Dan a comforting glance and swinging his leg over one side of the wall, straddling the concrete barrier. Dan told himself not to freak out. Phil was a grown up. He could keep himself from falling off a roof. It wasn’t until Phil was looking at him with expecting eyes that he started to shake his head and back away.

“Oh no no no,” he laughed as if Phil had told a very crude joke. “I’m not getting up there.”

“But _Daaaaaaaan_!” Phil whined, pouting out his lip and rocking back and forth slightly. Dan shook his head.

“No way.”

He averted his eyes from the blue ones that he knew would change his mind if he gave them the chance. He crossed his arms and focused his eyes on a rooftop far in the distance and away from Phil.

“You made it this far. Come on,” Phil pressed on. This was the kinda thing they warned him about in school - peer pressure and how to avoid it. But Dan could never understand the effect Phil had on him. Everything in his body was telling him that it was a terrible idea, but there was just something about Phil that Dan couldn’t resist. When Phil begged, Dan was useless against his pleading. He was completely under the other boy’s spell. He knew that Phil wouldn’t be mad if he didn’t go through with whatever it was that he wanted Dan to do, but there was still that need to make Phil happy. This was the part of falling in love that Dan found the most unfamiliar. His burning desire to please someone other than himself proved stronger than his own will to be safe.

Without waiting another second, he rolled his eyes dramatically to express to Phil that he was most certainly _not_ doing this for his own enjoyment and carefully climbed over the wall as well, straddling it just as Phil was. He mirrored the other boy and let their knees touch as he took a deep breath. He looked at Phil’s bright smile to ease the nerves and didn’t let himself look down. Strangely enough, after sitting there in silence as he looked out at their lovely city of Manchester for a half a minute, he calmed down. His heart rate managed to drop and he found peace in Phil’s eyes, as always.

“Why?” he released the question, ignoring Phil’s stupid rule. “Why are we here, Phil?”

Phil nodded. He looked like he was ready to answer some of Dan’s questions instead of only forming more. There was no further they could go. This was clearly the peak of their outing.

“I have an important question for you.”

Dan blinked a few times.

“Are you going to propose to me? Because if you are, I’ll have to decline. Scaring the proposee half to death isn’t the way to do it Phil,” Dan joked, shocked that a joke of that nature left his mouth. Even Phil looked a little taken aback. Dan was never the one to talk about the future so casually. What was happening to him?

“No, if I were going to propose I would have taken you to a higher building,” Phil stuck his tongue out of his mouth slightly, giving Dan a look. “And before you ask again, I didn’t bring you up here so I could throw you off. You’re not completely useless to me yet.”

There was a moment of silence and Phil spoke again.

“And are you implying that if I were to propose to you in a less dramatic and lower to the ground manner, you would say-”

“Shut up, Phil.” It was a good thing it was dark and Phil couldn’t see how red and flushed his face had become.

There was another moment of silence where Dan could practically hear the smirk on Phil’s content face.

“Okay, Phil. So if you didn’t bring me up here to propose and you didn’t bring me up here to end it, then why are we sitting on a roof at three AM?” Dan asked more directly this time. He had zero idea of where this was going.

“Well first I need your help,” Phil turned his neck to the view before them and he squinted a little. He seemed to be looking for something. Poor Phil and his blind eyes, even with his contacts in he couldn’t see shit. “Do you see that building over there? The brick one in-between the two yellow ones? The one with the brown roof?”

“Yeah I see it.”

“How long of a walk do you suppose that is from campus?” he asked. Dan looked at the city and furrowed his brows. He did some bullshit measurements in his head and responded the best he could.

“Maybe like 20 minutes? Give or take.”

“And how long do you think it would take to get there from the Diner?” Phil asked. Dan kind of shrugged.

“Less. Like, a minute?”

“Perfect.”

“Why do you ask?” Dan tried to focus harder on the structure. Should he have recognized it from somewhere?

“Well, because it really would be a shame if we had to walk any further than a minute to get our favorite pancakes next year,” Phil couldn’t fight the smile that was spreading across his cheeks. “Not to mention long commutes to school are miserable in the rain.”

“I don’t understand...” Dan started. “What are you talking about?”

“Dan?” Phil took the younger boy’s hands in his own and rubbed his thumbs over his skin gently. Dan hoped that he couldn’t feel his slight tremble. “Will you do me the honor of being my flatmate next year?”

For what seemed like the millionth time that day, his heart stopped. He looked over at the little building that Phil was referring to and then back to the grinning boy in front of him.

“You mean...?”

“I signed the lease on Monday,” Phil nodded and pushed his hair out of his face. He looked exited. More excited that Dan had seen Phil get in a while. It was dark, but Dan swore he could see Phil’s cheeks turn red. “Of course it’s a one bedroom and we’ll have to share a bed again, but it has a kitchen and a living room and it’ll just be us...”

Dan interrupted his boyfriend’s rambling by leaning over to give him a kiss. Dan knew that this was the most efficient way to stop Phil’s nervousness which he could always tell was happening when he started to ramble. He was careful not to surprise him too much however because the last thing he wanted was to send Phil toppling over the edge.

“Of course I’ll move in with you,” Dan said softly. He wanted to sit and revel in how cute Phil Lester was being in that moment but then he realized something that he figured would be a problem. “But Phil...I don’t have any money. Not to mention, I don’t have a job. How will I help you pay for-”

Phil shook his head.

“No, see, I was going to get an apartment next year regardless. I saved up a little last summer and I need to think about getting a job anyways...” Phil almost looked embarrassed. “And after thinking it over, I feel like you’ll be spending all your time at my place anyway...there’s no point for you to live on campus. Not when I have a place of my own.”

“Are you sure, Phil? That’s a lot of money,” Dan frowned. He didn’t want to exploit Phil like that.

“I’m absolutely sure, Dan. The flat would be so empty without you,” he chuckled a little. “Just me and all my houseplants.”

“Well if it will save you from becoming a crazy plant lady, then it would be a disservice not to,” Dan bit his lip and nodded. “I’d love to live with you Phil.”

Phil didn’t contain his excitement as he leaned forward and took Dan’s lips into a kiss. Dan melted into Phil’s taste and the breeze hit the side of their faces as if on queue. It felt so good to be up there, alone with Phil and finally escaping his thoughts. As much as he hated thinking about the future, he loved the idea of spending the next year with Phil.

They broke from their kiss and Dan released a deep sigh. He had a smile on his face but there was much he still had to worry about. The exams that were right around the corner made him nauseous. He knew he wouldn't do well. He knew there was nothing he could do about it now. He just dreaded the idea of Law so much. It wasn’t worth it. That’s what he told himself anyways. He didn’t know if it was to make himself feel better or if it was the truth. Now that he was sitting on this roof, staring at Phil and looking at what next year would hold, his worries grew tenfold. Next year would only prove to get harder. The classes, the tests, his major; before this moment it seemed like a distant problem. Now, the finals were here, staring him in the face and for the first time, instead of pretending that it wasn’t there, he was face to face with his failure.

He snapped back to reality and could tell that Phil noticed his absence. His smile had clearly dropped off his face and he was biting his lip until it bled. Phil knew that face anywhere and Dan cursed himself for letting someone get close enough to read him that well.

“Dan?” Phil poked gently. He knew not to push him and Dan at least appreciated that much. “Is this about moving in together? Because we can-”

“No no...” That was the last thing Dan wanted Phil thinking. That was the _only_ thing about next year that Dan wasn’t dreading. He wanted more than anything to move in with Phil. It was barely even a question. But he knew Phil was used to walking on eggshells around him because to be fair, he was easily spooked. Phil must have thought this was another one of those moments. “It’s not that.”

Dan could tell that Phil wanted to ask but he held his tongue and didn’t pry, shifting his gaze to the wall they were sitting on and picking at his fingernails. Dan watched him as he did so, the right thing to do was clear. He needed to talk to Phil about this. But not tonight. He didn’t want to taint the night with his sorrow. Plus, there was nothing to be done about it and there was no point in bringing it up until it was over.

“How about we save that conversation for later?” Dan swallowed and let himself smile. Phil looked up as if to make sure Dan was alright and then he nodded when he saw the younger’s grin. He also seemed quite surprised that Dan didn’t just ignore the problem like he usually did. He addressed it and then declared to tell Phil at a further time. It was very unlike Dan but it was for Phil and that was all that mattered. “I promise it’s nothing to worry about.”

“Okay,” Phil acknowledged Dan’s adult move and he squeezed his hands. “In the meantime, would you like me to tell you how I managed to find this place?”

“Sure, Phil. Please, enlighten me,” Dan instantly forgot his worries as he watched Phil get excited once more.

“Well last year in my environmental biology class we were talking about the roof gardens of Manchester...you know, the ones on campus?” Phil explained. “And our assignment was to pick a building to host a roof garden on. My entire glass got to visit and vote on the roof they saw best fit for a garden and they chose this short little apartment building over there.”

Phil pointed.

“But I always thought plants should be as close to the sun as possible and when they picked that building I told myself that I would just have to go find a taller building and start my own garden. You know, one where the plants would get more sun,” Phil laughed nervously. “Turns out that’s not really how the sun works. When I explained my idea to my professor, to see if I could get access to the roof of a taller building, she sort of laughed at me...”

Now Dan knew he saw blush on his boyfriend’s cheeks.

“But I was determined to grow my own garden! So I ventured out during one of my night walks and found a tall building with a low enough fire escape for me and a few of my house plants to climb,” Phil gave Dan a thumbs up. “Thus the discovery of this place.”

Now Dan understood why they had to come in the middle of the night. They were most certainly not allowed up here. It was comforting to know however that Phil had made this trip a few times and has managed to stay under the radar.

“So what happened to the plants? Did they survive?” Dan was invested now. But the face Phil gave him in return to his question made him feel bad about asking. Phil sighed and he hopped off the wall and back onto the roof. He silently helped Dan off of his perch and Phil grabbed Dan’s hand.

“What you’re about to see is extremely morbid and I hope your stomach can handle it,” Phil said morosely as he led them over to the furthest corner of the roof. Dan was tempted to laugh but Phil seemed deadly serious.

As they approached the corner, Dan caught a glimpse of what Phil must have been talking about. A few ceramic pots sat on the ground, the remnants of probably once healthy flowers were browning and shriveled within them. Dan put his hand over his mouth.

“Phil!” he crouched by the pots, noticing how one had fallen over and spilled it’s contents. “You’re a murderer!”

“I know!” Phil sighed and buried his face in his hands. “I’m a plant murderer.”

Dan laughed and shook his head.

“This is why we can never get a dog,” Dan scolded, snickering as he said it.

“Hey! I would water my dog!” Phil claimed, shoving Dan a little. “I would water my dog!”

“Sure, Phil,” Dan said sarcastically as he picked up a dead leaf from the base of one of the pots.

“I would!” Phil argued, shoving Dan a little harder, clearly trying to get him to fight back. Dan took the hint and turned to face the older boy.

“You would, would you?” he challenged as he held up the dead leaf, waving it in Phil’s face. Phil looked like he was going to say something but instead, he just gently shoved Dan’s chest, leaning him down onto the floor and climbing on top of him. He pinned the younger boy down, straddling him like he had the wall almost moments ago. Dan just looked up at him in defeat. “Okay okay, I believe you.”

“No you don’t,” Phil chuckled. “You’re just saying that because you want to get laid.”

“What?” Dan was thrown off by the subject of sex getting thrown into this little play fight. “What makes you say-”

Oh.

Dan was getting hard.

Of course, that’s what you get when you tackle a hormonal teenage boy alone on a roof.

“Not true.”

“Oh alright. So doing... _this_...” Phil leaned down and placed his lips right next to Dan’s ear, breathing hot breath on Dan’s sensitive neck. “...doesn’t automatically make you want to believe me?”

“N-no,” Dan stuttered, gulping.

“I’ll keep that in mind,” he whispered against Dan’s earlobe. He let his lower half grind down on Dan lightly and a small whimper escaped Dan’s throat. Phil froze. Dan wished he could suck it right back inside him. “You okay there, Dan?”

“Ye-yeah,” Dan gasped, trying with all his might to ignore how warm Phil’s breath was against his neck and how tight his pants were getting. Phil’s smug grin that Dan could hear in Phil’s tone was not helping. “F-f-fine.”

“That’s a shame,” Phil bit at Dan’s ear. “Since we’re already trespassing, I was thinking we could break a couple more rules while we’re at it.”

If Dan wasn’t rock solid before, he was now.

“L-like what?” Dan gasped out, dying to hear Phil tell him what he wanted them to do. He knew Phil was teasing, always so good with words, knowing exactly which ones to say to rile him up.

“Oh I don’t know...” Phil snaked his hand up Dan’s shirt. “I’m sure we can think of something.”

 

-

 

“You’ve almost made it to the ground!” Phil shouted up at Dan who had fallen behind on their way down from the roof. They had broken some rules alright, Dan’s exhausted body disappointed in making the trip down. It wasn’t as scary as going up, but he still took it slow and was mindful of each step he took. “That’s it.”

Dan took his final step onto the asphalt and Phil scooped him up under his arm. Dan’s cheeks were still flushed and his mouth tasted of purely Phil. The two of them had done everything but sex on that roof, Phil claiming that “next time he’d bring lube” which Dan didn’t argue with. It was nearly four thirty now and they were beginning their journey back to their room. Neither of them had exams that day so Dan hoped they could just collapse when they got back and sleep until they couldn’t anymore. He wished they could sleep on the roof but Phil told him that there were janitors that sometimes took their smoke breaks up there. He knew because he had almost been caught because he stayed for too long. Plus, concrete wasn’t good for the back and their bed was better.

“Will you carry me?” Dan whined, his post-orgasm fatigue hitting him hard.

“Yes, but it would take longer to get there if I did,” Phil replied. “But by all means, hop on.”

Dan stuck his tongue out and hung his head as he walked hip to hip with Phil.

“Next time I’ll bring a wheelbarrow,” Phil suggested.

“Oh cuz that’s not sketchy at all,” Dan rolled his eyes. “Imagine if someone saw us doing that. They’d think we were into some really kinky shit, Phil.”

“We _are_ into some pretty kinky shit,” Phil repeated. Dan shoved him.

“We are not.”

“Are too.”

“Oh yeah? What kinks do we even have?”

“Well for one, we just had sex in public.”

“ _Public_.” Dan mocked Phil’s response with air quotes.

“Whatever. Maybe you just don’t know what your kinks are yet. Maybe you’re into some weird shit. I don’t know,” Phil held his hands up in defense. “Just don’t come running to me when you find out you have a thing for Dentist role play.”

“Excuse me?”

“I know how you feel about the Dentist, Dan!”

“Oh yeah, and how’s that?”

“ _Man I love going to the Dentist, CLEAN ME YES SCRAPE MY GUMS MM HARDER!_ ” Phil used his best Dan voice as he mocked the younger boy.

“I don’t sound like that!”

“You do too sound like that.”

“Okay, fine, whatever. So I like the Dentist. How does that have anything to do with my sexual kinks?”

“I’m just saying, it sounds like something a masochist would say.”

“Shut up,” Dan shoved Phil’s side and hung his head to hide his smile. Phil knew him better than anyone and it was a wonder he got away with saying anything at all.

They walked the rest of the way to their building in silence, Dan just embracing the warmth that Phil was giving him under his arm. At that moment, he had forgot about everything and he wished he could stay in that state forever but he knew it just wasn’t possible. Life inevitably would move forward and he was going to have to face it at some point. He had one more free day left before his life turned to shit and he hoped that Phil would forgive him for being so terrible of a student. Especially because he hadn’t told Phil about his struggle. It wasn’t something he wanted to bring attention to in the first place. Phil would pity him and try to help but none of that was worth it if it meant he had to keep going on the track he was on. Phil was meant to focus on his own studies and Dan’s education was far less important. After all, he wanted nothing to do with Law and he cursed himself for not seeing that sooner.

Drawing himself closer to Phil as they neared their building, he shook the thoughts from his head altogether and told himself that it could wait just a little bit longer.


	32. Chapter 32

Dan wished that he could say his tests were easier than he thought but that would be a monumental lie. After a day of doing nothing with Phil and lying about how stressed he was to his own boyfriend, he walked into his exam having read zero of the material. To start off, Thursday morning he had his History of Law exam, which he showed up tremendously unprepared for. He was supposed to have read and brought an article from a specific textbook that he opted not to buy. His essay ended up being complete bullshit which made him feel guilty because Mrs. Burnham had finally started to smile at him when he walked into the classroom. His maths final went terribly as well. Dan was pretty sure that he got only one question right and even then, it didn’t give him enough points to pass the exam _or_ the class. He expected to do poorly but he hadn’t anticipated being that rubbish at it. He had assumed at least some of it would be common sense. His French test was no different. It all looked Greek to him and because it was the last test he was forced to take, he had lost all motivation. He just put his head on the desk and waited for the professor to dismiss the class after the final. He turned in a blank sheet of paper which he didn’t even bother to put his name on.

One could definitely say that his finals week hadn’t gone well and he hadn’t let it hit him yet. Phil was still in a series of finals, back to back, which was unfortunate for him, but lucky for Dan because he needed the time to sulk. He needed to let reality catch up to him. He definitely failed at least two, if not three of his courses this semester and there were going to be consequences. He knew that. And to top it all off, Phil didn’t know.

When Phil was studying for his exams, Dan would open his laptop and pretend to do his work as well but really, he was staring at a blank screen or scrolling through Facebook as he tried to find some sort of motivation. He just couldn’t find the time to care at all.

At Manchester University, they advised that the students sign up for classes way ahead of time so that they wouldn’t lose their spot in the courses they needed. Dan ignored the plethora of emails that he had received telling him to do so. He just didn’t want to think about next year. Not now, not ever. Registering for classes would only make him have to confront this issue sooner and Dan had no clue what he wanted to do. Not only had he not told Phil about this fear of logging on and planning his academic year, he avoided the topic all together. Every now and then, Phil would ask him about his choices and Dan would just mutter something about how he didn’t remember or how he wasn’t sure if his schedule would stick, but in reality - he hadn’t even logged onto the register site. He knew he wouldn’t be able to keep it a secret for long, but it was nice to know that at the moment, Phil had no idea how much of a failure he was.

When Dan walked into the quiet dorm room, he dropped his backpack and sunk down to his knees. He sighed as he let himself stretch belly-down on the carpet and he just stared at the un-vacuumed floor under his desk. He felt like such a failure. Not only to himself but to his family who believed in him fully. They would be terribly disappointed to find out that Dan hadn’t registered for classes and he knew that they would never condone the decision of dropping out. He dreaded the idea of moving back home anyways, leaving him no choice but to continue. He could picture the conversation now, him getting yelled at and told to “get serious” and “stop procrastinating”. Not to mention, he worried about Phil who would probably kill him if he found out. Especially now that they were planning on living together.

He felt his face get hot and his eyes shut as he finally let out an overdue sob. He just couldn’t do it anymore. He didn’t want to be a lawyer, he didn’t want to go to school, he had no desire to finish a degree of any kind, and he had no idea how to tell anybody about any of this. He had kept it all inside for so long because he figured that this feeling would go away. He would snap out of it and all would go back to normal. He never felt this way in secondary school. He had always been pretty good at learning. Why was this so impossible? It was embarrassing. Most people were plenty capable of getting a degree. Even if they aren’t happy with their track. Giving up was failing. Not only that, but he had been lying to Phil this whole time as he told himself he would work this out in the end. It wouldn’t matter because by the end of the year, he’d have a plan.

Well here he was, the end of the year, the end of the line, and he had zero plan whatsoever.

Phil was going to think he was weak.

He was going to be so disappointed.

Crying because he could, he let the tears fall onto the ugly carpet as he thanked the Universe that Phil wasn’t home.

But as Dan had learned the hard way, sometimes life liked to screw him over in a multitude of ways, and as soon as he heard the key fitting in the lock of their door, he didn’t even try to stop his sadness from leaking out of his disgusting face. He only sobbed harder as he tried to envision how pathetic he must have looked, lying face-down on the floor and bawling. Only children did things like this. He wouldn’t blame Phil in the slightest if he walked out of the room immediately at the sight of his crying boyfriend.

To Dan’s dismay, and because Phil was the most caring and empathetic human on the planet, instead of running, he dropped to his knees at Dan’s side and got down to his level.

“Dan?” Dan knew that Phil had no idea where this was coming from and it must have been a shock to him considering the younger boy had shown zero signs of stress or struggle - other than the night on the roof where Dan just barely avoided a conversation about his stupid feelings. “What’s wrong?”

Dan didn’t stop sobbing. It wasn’t fair. Why was this something that had to happen to him? He didn’t need this. Hadn’t he struggled enough this year?

Phil scooped him up into his arms and cradled him like the baby he was. He let out uneven sobs that matched his poor breathing. He knew he was soaking Phil’s sleeve but the other boy paid no mind, petting his hair and asking no more questions. He sat quietly as Dan let out everything he needed to and if Dan wasn’t such a wreck, he might have realized how in-tune to Dan’s needs Phil really was.

Minutes went by before Dan was finished. Phil probably already thought he was being a child, he might as well embrace it. Phil didn’t move a centimeter. He stayed exactly where Dan needed him to be and it was when the sobbing stopped and the sniffling became a little less frequent that Phil finally spoke up. Dan wasn’t even bothered because the words felt like a refreshment to the screaming profanities in his own head.

“Will you talk to me, Dan?” Phil asked gently. Dan loved how it wasn’t an order or a suggestion. It was a question. Dan had a choice. It felt like the only choice he was allowed to make. The only option he’d been given in a while. On one hand, he wanted so badly to tell Phil what was happening, but on the other, he was terrified that the other boy would be upset with him. For lying, for hiding his feelings, for being a bad student. It was Phil after all that helped him pass his first Law History exam. Dan was letting him down.

But then he remembered every little issue they had ever had, starting with the very first, and in his head he identified the reason for them all. Dan was notorious for making assumptions and he had promised over and over that he would make an effort not to do that anymore. And yet here he was, assuming that Phil would be angry with him once again. Just another reason to add to the reason he was a failure. No, he was not doing this again. He wasn’t going to let himself down anymore. He needed to let this out. And who would listen better than Phil? The man who loved him unconditionally. He was sure that any anger or disappointment could be dealt with later and he took a long and deep breath.

“I can’t do it anymore,” Dan’s lip was still quivering as he let the words squeak out of his raw throat.

“Do what, Dan?” Phil was acting calm but Dan could feel his body tense. Dan knew that feeling and he quickly forced himself to answer so that Phil stopped worrying about their relationship. It was obvious Phil thought for a moment that Dan was going to end it between them. He couldn’t blame him really. Dan was unpredictable and sometimes a tad unreasonable.

“School,” his voice was shaky. Words were not coming easily.

“What are you talking about?” Phil still had zero idea what was going on and Dan was having a hard time articulating his issue. Everything in his head was a jumbled mess. He was slipping into a full blown panic attack and there wasn’t much time before he completely lost it.

“I’m so rubbish, Phil.”

“No you aren’t. Don’t say that,” Phil rubbed his back gently and his eyes were full of concern, quickly catching on to what was happening before him. Dan crumbling up like a piece of torn paper.

“But it’s true. I’m a complete and utter flop.”

“No you are not,” Phil’s words were a quiet contrast to his screaming brain that no matter how hard he tried, wouldn’t shut up. “Please don’t say that.”

“But I failed. I failed so many exams,” Dan’s monotone voice was a defense mechanism for how anxiety ridden he had become. He was shaking in Phil’s arms and Phil held him tighter in response, trying to contain the younger boy’s trembles.

“You don’t know that. You haven’t even got the grades ba-”

“No, I failed Phil. I barely even studied.” It was relieving to let that information out and he braced himself for Phil’s questioning, but it never came. He looked up at Phil who nodded with understanding and only squeezed tighter. “I don’t want to do it anymore. I thought...I thought...”

Dan stuttered and sobbed all over again into Phil’s cold and wet sleeve.

“Shh...it’s okay,” Phil pushed back the hair from his eyes and kissed him softly on the forehead. “Shh.”

“I don’t know what I want to do with my life,” Dan blurted. He hadn’t meant it to come out like that, but at least he finally let the words out of his brain. “I don’t want to be a lawyer.”

He felt it was important to clarify. There was a moment of silence.

“Well you’re at University aren’t you? So you don’t have to think about that for another two years,” Phil’s voice of reason was comforting but it wasn’t what Dan wanted to hear. He didn’t know what he wanted.

“But what then Phil? _What then_?” Dan sobbed, looking up at Phil with desperate eyes. The older boy jumped with he raise in volume.

“Well you’ll figure it out I’m sure,” Phil answered quietly, trying to bring the volume back down.

“I wish I could just die...” Dan sniffled, knowing he was being overdramatic. “...and die.”

“Dan...”

“If I want to continue going to University I’m going to have to retake _all_ of those classes. Phil, I can’t do that,” he admitted, to his boyfriend and to himself. “I’m not doing it.”

Phil raised his eyebrows but said nothing. It was clearly something Dan needed to work out himself.

“I’m not gonna do it.” Dan stated it clearly this time, pulling away from Phil a bit. “No one can _make_ me do it.”

It was then that Dan finally snapped. The illusion was broken. There was nothing that could change his mind about this. He was in a full blown existential crisis. The whole year, the many classes that he had failed, all the knowledge he attempted to absorb, all flew out the window in this moment. It felt relieving to let it all go. The idea that being a Lawyer would make him happy, suddenly became just a demented lie that he had told himself for a year while trying to fall asleep at night. University was not the place for him. It never was. He would find something else. He _had_ to find something else. He’d honestly rather be a janitor for the rest of his life if it meant he never had to step foot in an exam hall ever again. His parents, Phil, and everyone else were just going to have to deal.

“That’s it, I’m not doing it.” His words were solid, a decision being made.

Phil blinked at him and cocked his head. He looked almost afraid to ask.

“I’ve had enough! I don’t care anymore!” Dan was trying his hardest not to cry.

“What aren’t you going to do?” Phil prodded with caution.

“University,” he stared at the wall behind the older boy and crossed his arms.

“What do you mean?”

“I’m dropping out.”

Phil’s face changed completely. He looked at Dan’s tear streaked face and then at the boy’s body language, raising his eyebrows once more.

“Dan, you _have_ to go to University...”

“NOT IF I DON’T GIVE A FUCKING FUCK ANYMORE I DON’T!” Dan yelled, throwing himself out of Phil’s arms and onto the ground beneath him. He sobbed loudly into the carpet and was a kick and scream away from a tantrum. He had to admit though, it felt good. It felt good to release everything from the inside of his brain that had been tormenting him for so long. There was nothing left to worry about. Just him and his totally undecided future.

Phil sat where he had been, totally frozen, trying to process the information he had just received. It was obvious Phil had no idea what to say or what to do but Dan decided that it didn’t matter. His mind was made up and Phil was just going to have to tolerate it. If he wanted to leave Dan because he was giving up his education, fine by him. As long as he was no longer forced to be in this cage that was a Law Degree.

After about a minute of sobbing on the floor, he felt an arm slide over his back and the warmth of another body on him. Phil snaked his way around the younger boy. At least Phil wasn’t running. It soothed his mind to know this was the case. Phil’s warmth and slight weight on his side kept him from crying all over again and he took a deep breath. Phil kissed his shoulder blade and hummed slightly into the t-shirt in a comforting manner.

“I love you,” Dan heard him say, muffled by the lip-to-shoulder contact. Dan nodded and he actually smiled - for the first time all day.

“I love you too,” he said in the most defeated voice his body could find. He was exhausted. The amount of brain power it took to run a panic attack was more than he was used to and his mind was pushing its limits.

“How’s about I go and get you some chocolate?” Phil smiled as he pulled Dan up off the ground. Dan found himself resting his eyes on the giant wet spot on his boyfriend’s nice blue penguin shirt. Whoops.

“...okay,” he agreed, trying to pull himself together.

Phil pat Dan’s knee and stood up, lifting a random sweatshirt off of the floor. He pulled it over his shoulder and zipped it up to cover the wet stain.

“Phil?” Dan hiccuped.

“Hm?”

“Are you mad at me?”

“What?” Phil crouched down next to the still slightly trembling boy and he looked almost like he was in disbelief of Dan’s words. “Are you kidding?”

“I don’t know...” Dan looked down, suddenly ashamed that he would even consider it.

“I’m not mad at you. I’m _proud_ of you,” Phil said as he caressed Dan’s cheek. He placed his hand under his chin and lifted it so their eyes would meet. “That must have been really hard to admit.”

Dan just nodded, his head falling once again. Phil took this moment to stand again and he walked towards his backpack that lied on the floor. He grabbed his lanyard and shoved it into his pocket.

“I was wondering when you were going to do it,” Phil kind of chuckled, pursing his lips a little to hide the knowing smile. Dan’s head shot up.

“What?”

“It was just a matter of time, Bear. You were miserable,” Phil said sadly. “I’m not stupid. I know how stressed and anxious you get about tests. Something was off. It was pretty obvious you weren’t studying.”

Dan nodded and sighed. He needed to start giving Phil more credit.

“You know,” Phil walked to the door and turned to Dan before opening it. “You could always start making videos. You might really like it.”

“Phil.” Dan scolded lightly. He knew he deserved that one, pushing his hair out of his face and wiping his eyes with his forearm.

“Just saying,” the older boy stepped outside. “I’ll be right back.”

And then it was just Dan and his thoughts, sitting on the floor in a puddle of his own tears. Or at least that’s what it felt like. The room was quiet, but so was his brain and he could not be more grateful. The immense amount of pressure that had been building up for months was finally gone. Dan had forgot what it was like to feel calm like he was feeling now. Completely at peace with his decision. Phil must have known that was what he needed. A moment alone to process his choice.

That being said, he still had a few things to worry about. Dan didn’t mention it, but he wasn’t sure if his boyfriend would let him bum around in his apartment if he wasn’t attending Uni. There wouldn’t really be a point of living in Manchester if he wasn’t attending the school. Then again, he had left the nest and his parents probably didn’t want him living at home anymore anyways. His parents were a whole separate problem. They wouldn’t be happy about this at all. Not one bit. He had no idea how to break the news in the first place. What was he supposed to say? “I’m going to drop out of school and go live with my boyfriend”? A sure fire way of starting a family feud.

“What the hell am I doing?” he shook his head and groaned, getting up and off the floor, then climbing into their bed. He sat criss-cross as he thought to himself about how screwed he was. At least he no longer had to worry about being screwed _and_ being a lawyer.

 

-

 

“So they didn’t have Maltesers, I swear, I looked through the aisle thrice,” Phil smiled apologetically. “But I got you some a couple Kinder Eggs and a Kit Kat. Will that do, My Prince?”

Dan melted at the nickname, his mind flashing back to Phil’s story from the night they met and he nodded, grabbing the sweets.

“Of course,” he pat the bed next to him and invited the boy who was shedding his jacket to sit with him. He ripped open the Kit Kat packaging and split it in two, handing one over to his favorite person.

“Phil?” Dan asked, letting the chocolate melt in his mouth and sooth his inner turmoil. Phil hopped onto the soft surface as well and chomped away on the tiny chocolate stick he was handed.

“Mmhmm?” he spoke with chocolate in his cheek.

“If you knew that this was going to happen...why did you still invite me to live with you next year?” Dan wondered. It felt wrong asking Phil if he was still allowed to live with him, considering that it was a charity in the first place. Phil looked at him and shook his head.

“Dan, you need to understand something,” Phil turned so that his body was facing the younger boy. He spoke in a very serious manner but the tone remained calm and comforting. “I _want_ to live with you. I _want_ you to be my flatmate. There is no condition, enrolled or un-enrolled, that you could ever be in that would make me change my mind. I’m still getting a flat and it would still be lonely. So please. If you wouldn’t mind, keep me company in that apartment?”

Dan nodded, the reality of it all finally nailing itself into his freshly emptied brain. Phil wanted him. Not matter what.

“And by the looks of it, it seems you’ll be needing a place to stay anyway. That is unless you want to live in a cardboard box?” Phil chuckled. “Don’t let _me_ stand in your way!”

“Okay, okay. You’re right,” Dan mumbled. “As always.”

Phil reached his arm over Dan and nodded.

“Now stop doubting me. I know what I’m doing,” Phil scolded as he kissed the younger’s cheek.

Dan nodded and he took a deep breath, finally feeling a little bit better.

“Now how the hell am I going to tell my parents?” Dan asked out loud. He wasn’t really asking Phil and it seemed like Phil knew this. The older boy stayed quiet for a few reasons. One, Dan didn’t _ever_ talk about his family. Phil most likely didn’t have any clue what they were like and how they would react. And two, Phil was probably done dishing out advice for one day. He was spent. As he should be. He had just finished his own exams.

Dan quickly realized that now was not the time to bring that up and he shook the question from existence, switching the subject immediately.

“How did you do on your exams?” he asked, genuinely excited to hear about Phil’s day. He was at least going to try and forget about his inner turmoil. For now anyway. Anything would be better than wallowing in his own disappointment.

“I think I did pretty well,” Phil started. “One was relatively easy and the other one was just a lot of writing. But you know I’m rather good at that.”

“Yeah, you are,” Dan agreed, leaning over and grabbing his phone off the desk next to the bed. The chocolate snack had triggered a hunger in his stomach and he licked his lips. Apparently throwing tantrums worked up an appetite. “It’s nearing dinner time. What do you want to do for food?”

“Um...about that. I have a little favor to ask you,” Phil played with his fingers. He almost seemed nervous, but he was smiling so it couldn’t be a big deal.

“Sure. Anything,” Dan jumped at the chance to pay back the beautiful boy before him. After all of the comforting he had just done for Dan and the shit that Dan put him through before this moment, he was ready to move mountains for the boy.

“Remember how on your birthday we had a little party thing at Tyler’s place?” Phil asked, biting his lip.

“Of course, Phil. How could I forget?” Dan smiled, remembering that crazy night and what followed.

“And remember how I got you a piano?” Phil asked, the tone of his voice shifting to his _how much do you love me_ tone.

“Yes, Phil, I remember the piano,” Dan smiled even more but he was now cocking his head, wondering where this was going. It wasn’t often that Phil asked Dan for favors. The older boy was visibly nervous.

“Well, then you know I promised Tyler I’d dogsit a few times and he just so happens to need me tonight...” Phil looked at Dan with apologetic eyes. “And I can’t back out of the promise..”

“Oh, okay,” Dan said, relieved. He didn’t know what to expect, but this was not it.

“So you wouldn’t mind if I did that tonight? I know you’re having a bad day and all...but I promise when I get back I’ll-”

“Phil?” Dan stopped him. The boy who was picking at the mattress, most likely trying to make the uneasy feeling go away, met the brown eyed boy’s gaze. “You told me I could go with, didn’t you?”

Phil stopped. Dan remembered the conversation clearly because he wanted to experience the so called “hatred” this dog had for Phil. Phil nodded slowly after reflecting a little in his head and then his face changed from worried to excited.

“You’re right! I did invite you, didn’t I?” Phil grabbed Dan’s hand. “And you wouldn’t mind?”

“Not at all,” Dan laughed. He really missed his family dog. Colin was a one-of-a-kind pup and was Dan’s best friend for the longest time. He was really good at being a dog, totally calm and collected around people and was probably the only reason he missed home in the first place. It would be nice to hang out with a fluffy friend for a little while, even if it did hate Phil’s guts. Plus, dogs tended to like him so there was no problem there. “As long as you’re still okay with me coming along?”

“Of course! We can order a Pizza when we get to Tyler’s,” Phil said, hopping off the bed. “Will that suffice?”

“Mmhmm,” Dan nodded and hopped off the bed as well. Dan went to the bathroom, washed off his face and combed his hair to fix the damage his little freak out had caused. When he finally felt presentable, they gathered up Phil’s laptop to keep them occupied at Tyler’s and were on their way out the door.

The walk was longer than Dan was used to but it was nice to get some fresh air and the weather was forgiving. There was a slight breeze but the closer they got to the Summer months, the warmer it got. In all the stress from finals, he had kind of forgot about Summer break. In dour days, he was going to have to move home for Three months. He hadn’t really given it much thought until now. Three months without school and the stresses that came with it. Three months living at home and with his family. Three months without Phil Lester. What the hell was he supposed to do? And if his parents vetoed his plan to dropout and forced him to stay home for the next year, then what? He started to panic. Phil seemed to notice the sweatier palm against his and the tightening of Dan’s grip.

“What now?” Phil asked in the most endearing tone possible. If it was from anyone else, Dan would have thought it was sarcasm or frustration. But Phil turned to him with a comforting smile and was ready to listen.

“Three months...” he mumbled. Phil must have been giving this some thought prior to this moment because he seemed to know immediately what Dan was referring to.

“Yeah...I know,” he said sadly. He looked at his feet as they walked and he squeezed Dan’s hand back softly. “But it’ll go by quick. Trust me.”

“I don’t want to spend a single day without you, Phil,” Dan said out loud. He didn’t realize how soft this relationship had made him. He was turning into a real sap. “And I _haaaaate_ going home.”

“I know,” Phil responded. That, he did know. Phil could figure that out all on his own. Dan had only spoken to his family once this semester to alert them of the Spring Break plan change. The single phone call home lasted only four minutes, if that, and it could most certainly tell Phil how distant Dan was from his own family. Dan was sure Phil found that strange considering he talked to his family quite often. Not to mention, Phil made frequent visits home. Dan found out that Phil actually used to go home almost every other weekend before he met Dan. After Dan expressed his guilt, Phil explained that it was better this way anyway because as much as his family loved him coming around, he wasn’t making any good friends at Uni. He explained to Dan that this was a habit he formed when he and Alex broke up that he needed to break regardless. This made Dan feel better and they eventually stopped talking about it at all. “Maybe you can convince them to move in early?”

“Fat chance,” Dan scoffed. Phil shrugged.

“You never know? Maybe it won’t be as hard as you think,” Phil offered. Even if it was entirely impossible, it was good to know that Phil thought it was.

“Just don’t think about it. Let’s spend the next four days we have here together not worrying about the future. Okay? That way we don’t ruin the moments,” Phil suggested. Dan liked that idea and it was the least he could do for Phil. He would try to calm the fuck down and let himself enjoy Phil’s company while he had it. “Besides, we’ll have Skype. I promise I won’t hang up unless we absolutely have to.”

He had a point. Dan nodded and they kept walking quietly, enjoying each other’s presence.

 

-

 

“Phan!” Tyler greeted and the two boys cringed.

“Since when was that a thing?” Phil sighed, pushing past the giddy boy before him and walking into the living room. Dan followed suit and flashed Tyler a small grin.

“Since it’s your ship name!” he closed the door behind them and followed them into the house. “Phan is better than Dil, don’t you think?”

“Since we aren’t pickles, I’d have to agree with him,” Dan commented, giving Phil a little wink. Phil rolled his eyes and nodded.

“I suppose if it has to be one or the other...” he looked around the room. “Now where is the little devil?”

“Yeah, he’s up in Korey’s room. I wanted to make sure he didn’t escape when I opened the front door. Let me go get him,” Tyler smiled and he trotted up the stairs and to the right. Dan watched as the semi formally dressed boy made his way out of sight. He looked like he was off to a fancy event and as interested as Dan was, he didn’t want to ask. Tyler left the too boys in the lounge and Phil made himself comfortable. He put his bag down, plopped down on the couch and put his feet up on the coffee table. It was clear that he had done this multiple times. During the few days he had to stay at Tyler’s because Dan was being a little twat, this was probably where he made himself comfortable. Dan ignored the guilt that pinged in his stomach, tentatively walking over and taking a seat on the opposite side of the couch. He looked over at Phil who was glaring at him.

“What?” Dan smiled, knowing that Phil wanted him closer.

“How dare you...” Phil scowled playfully, obviously picking up on what Dan was doing. This kind of teasing was pretty common after all. “Come over here.”

“No.”

“Come here or I’ll make you,” Phil growled, leaning towards the younger boy. Dan only leaned farther away.

“No. I’m comfortable over here,” Dan scooted as close to the other side of the couch with a big smirk on his face.

“You little-” Phil’s words were cut off when he lunged over and tried to reach Dan’s leg. Dan only scooted even further away, practically climbing up onto the arm of the couch. Phil made a noise of disapproval and crawled across to tackle the younger boy. Dan let out a yelp as Phil grabbed him and tackled him against the arm. Phil reached down and started to tickle Dan under the rib cage causing Dan to fall into a fit of laughter. He tried not to cackle but Phil knew exactly where to get the loudest reaction from Dan. It was practically his specialty. “This’ll teach you!”

Dan squirmed and tried to get out of Phil’s grasp but it was no use. His boyfriend was too strong and he had him pinned in the crevice of the couch. Dan just laughed and tried his hardest to break free for a full minute until Phil suddenly looked up and stopped. Dan stopped laughing and was about to make some snarky remark about Phil losing when he figured out why Phil had quit tickling him.

“Okay, I leave for a minute and you guys start making love on my sofa?” Tyler was standing on the other side of the furniture with one hand on his hip and another wrapped around a tiny dog. Phil sat up immediately and Dan started to straighten his shirt.

“We weren’t maki-”

“Oh hush. Just don’t get any bodily fluids on the nice pillows,” Tyler pulled a pillow with a zig zag design out from under Phil and placed it gently on the couch next to them. He proceeded to brush it off with his free hand as if it already had something nasty on it.

Dan would have been more embarrassed about their behavior but he was too focused on looking at the tiny dog in Tyler’s arm. It was pretty much a shih tzu and it looked to be very young. Dan’s family dog looked a lot like that. Colin was also a shih tzu and his heart started to beat faster as he reminisced about the tiny dog at home that he loved so much. This dog was definitely younger and had a much lighter brown covering it’s face but all Dan could see was Colin and it honestly warmed his heart. It was shaking, as most tiny dogs did around new people, but it seemed to be looking at Phil, it’s nose pointed directly at him.

“Oh how precious!” Tyler cooed at the small animal. “He remembers you, Philly.”

“I’m sure he does,” Phil responded with a little bit of sass in his voice. Phil and this dog definitely had some unfinished business.

“Are you ready to spend some time with my favorite little gay couple, Snuffy?” Tyler spoke like you would to a baby, his American accent making the whole thing sound very foreign to Dan. If Dan hadn’t been used to being called gay already, Tyler would have singlehandedly been the one to break him in. In fact, he often used the word as a term of endearment and Dan could admit that he quite liked it. The two boys got off the couch and walked over to Tyler who was still talking in gibberish to the little dog in his arms. “Dan, this is Snuffaluffagus.”

Tyler forced the dog’s little paw to wave and then held the pup out to Dan as he hesitantly reached out and pet the top of the small dog’s head. It just kind of shook and looked at Dan with skeptical eyes. It didn’t move though and Dan gave him a little scratch behind the ear.

“Hi there little guy,” Dan crouched down so he was eye-level with the furry animal and smiled up close. He remembered doing this to Colin when his family first adopted him. The dog seemed to hesitate at first but ultimately it craned it’s neck and leaned forward to lick Dan’s nose.

“Oh! He loves you already!” Tyler cheered, nodding and pulling the dog up towards his own gleeful face. “I’ll be back soon, Snuffy! Be good to them!”

Dan wiped the dog saliva off of his nose and smiled politely in the tiny dog’s direction. Tyler gently placed the little dog down on the ground and it ran around Tyler’s ankles for a moment. Dan watched as the dog followed Tyler to the kitchen. He was grabbing a six pack from the fridge.

“So he’s already been fed and he just went out. He’ll probably need to go out again in a few hours. Just make sure you do it before you two go to bed,” Tyler yelled from the other room as he pulled on a light jacket. He appeared in the doorway and looked over in their direction. The dog still at his feet. “That is if you are staying the night. I’ll be back later but it won’t be until at least 3:00 so make yourselves comfortable.”

He glared at the two of them as if he was holding his tongue. Probably about to say something regarding them not having freaky sex in the living room. But he stopped himself, as if reflecting upon something he had done in the past, and he nodded as he zipped up his jacket.

The little dog barked at his feet when he realized what was going on. Tyler was grabbing his keys but not his leash and it was evident he was about to leave without him.

“Go play with your new friends!” Tyler crouched and pet the dog’s head, pointing at Dan and Phil who were standing speechless. The dog turned around and actually looked at Phil, his tail not wagging, then turned back to Tyler as it resumed. Maybe Phil was right and the dog actually did hate Phil. Tyler stood and just like that he was heading out of the door. They heard a faint “tata for now” as the door slammed shut.

The dog stared after the door for another moment as if expecting the other boy to come back but when he heard the car start up, the dog understood what was happening. It turned around and then remembered that the two boys were standing there and looking at him. Dan smiled and started walking towards it.

“Phil, you said this dog was evil. It’s literally so tiny and cute,” Dan crouched on the floor next to the dog and pet it’s head. It’s tail started wagging and Dan smiled. “I was picturing something so much worse. With teeth and mangey fur or something.”

“Hey! It hates me, I swear!” Phil started walking towards Dan and the dog, hesitating before crouching as well. The dog backed away from the older boy and found some shelter in-between Dan’s legs. “See!?”

“Phil! What did you do to this dog?” Dan asked, leaning in and rubbing the fur on it’s back. “What did he do to you little guy? Did Phil hurt you?”

“I didn’t!” Phil whined as Dan chuckled. “He just doesn’t like me.”

“Sure, Phil,” Dan rolled his eyes playfully and crawled over to a box of toys. “Hey puppy! You wanna play?”

Dan held up a little red rope for the dog to see, flapping it around so it would grab his attention. The dog seemed to look at it for a moment, walked right past Phil and over to the rope, grabbing it as it started to pull. Dan pulled back, surprised at how strong the tiny dog really was, giving and taking the rope over and over to give the dog a fight. The dog started to playfully growl and Phil winced. Clearly this dog had made that noise before and probably not because they were playing.

“You see, Phil, this is just another reason why we can’t get a dog,” Dan said with a smirk as he let go and gave the dog the red rope. Phil pouted.

“It’s just _this_ dog,” Phil crossed his arms. “Maybe Tyler talks crap about me behind my back.”

“But he _loves_ us, Phil,” Dan pointed out as he half imitated the American. Tyler would never. He was a gossip but not a terrible friend. “You must have done something to Snuffy, isn’t that right?”

His voice cooed at the end of his sentence, getting down on the puppy’s level and bopping it’s nose. The dog whined a little before going after Dan’s arm like it had the rope, abandoning the toy on the ground behind him. His tail was wagging at a velocity that Dan had never seen.

Phil shook his head and stood up. The dog flinched a little but was too distracted by Dan’s little game of tug-o-war with his arm to react anymore than that.

“I’m getting a beer. Do you want one?” Phil grumbled. Dan ignored the older boy as he cooed at the little creature in front of him, but after a few moments, Phil was leaning over and handing the younger boy an opened beer as well.

“Thank you,” Dan looked up at Phil with loving eyes, reminding the older boy that he was just teasing and that he still very much appreciated him. Phil sat on the couch with his drink and watched as Dan rolled around on the floor with the little dog that seemed to have infinite energy.

“You’re going to get fur all over you,” Phil grumbled.

“So?” Dan shrugged as he continued on.

“You ever think that maybe the reason you get along so well with this dog is because you aren’t human?” Phil suggested in a snarky tone as he sipped his drink. He was meters away from the dog so that the dog wouldn’t freak out. This put Phil too far away to hit so Dan just glared instead. “I’ve always wondered about you Howell. I mean, maybe you’re a dog too.”

Dan didn’t answer, he just shook his head and threw a tiny ball that he had found under the TV stand against a wall opposite of him so that the little dog could run after it and bring it back.

“I mean, your last name is Howell. Maybe that’s a sign.”

“Shut up,” Dan laughed, throwing the slobbery ball again. “You’re just bitter because the dog likes me and not you.”

“Am not!” Phil protested. “It’s just a dog. I don’t care.”

“Yeah, sure Phil. You sound like you don’t care,” Dan teased, grabbing the dog and play-fighting with it. “You should just stick to your plants.”

“Maybe I will,” Phil laughed and turned toward a random houseplant on the side table. “Susan and I get along really well.”

“Susan is it?”

“Yeah. And we don’t need you and your little dog friend to have a good time, huh Susan?” he faced the plant and reached out to fondle one of it’s leaves.

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Is that what you’re going to do when our children choose me over you? Buy more plants?” Dan said with a laugh. The dog was climbing all over him at this point but that didn’t stop him from feeling the sudden heat in his stomach after the sentence left his mouth. He heard nothing in response from Phil and was worried that he had offended him. Expecting to see a horribly offended face from the other boy, he carefully glanced over at Phil who was staring at him instead with love and disbelief in his eyes. Dan just blinked at him and held his breath.

“Our children?” he asked softly. It was then that Dan realized exactly what he had said. He hadn’t even noticed using those words in that order. He gulped as he looked over to his drink. He wasn’t even halfway through it so he couldn’t blame the alcohol. Maybe it was because he was playing with a dog that reminded him of home, but he opened his mouth again and raised his eyebrows.

“Yeah. If you can’t get this dog to like you, how are you supposed to make our children like you?” Dan decided to continue with the joke so that the awkwardness was eliminated but they both knew what Dan was getting at. Although Dan was insulting Phil’s ability to bond with imaginary children, the fact was, he brought them up in the first place. Dan had never done that before and he let out a shaky breath when Phil not only didn’t respond but kept looking at him with love filled eyes.

After a few seconds of eye contact with Phil, the dog barked at Dan to grab his attention. Dan had frozen in place and still had the slobbery ball in his hand. The dog was getting frustrated and wanted to play some more. Dan silently thanked the dog for giving him an out and he turned his attention back to the little puppy, throwing the ball for him to run after. Dan glanced at Phil while he waited for the dog to come running back and noticed that he had relaxed against the couch. He looked content and now he was just watching Dan play with the dog on the floor and sipping his beer quietly. Dan had won their little play argument but it didn’t feel that way. It felt like Phil had won. But Dan was okay with that. He couldn’t figure out what had possessed him to say something so future-oriented but he basked in the warm feeling it left him as he grabbed the dog again, pulling it onto his stomach and giving it a few kisses to the top of it’s head as it pawed back at his chest. If this is what their future was going to feel like, he wouldn’t mind that at all.


	33. Chapter 33

Snuffaluffagus tired out pretty quickly. He started to slow down when Dan threw the ball for him and his tugging on the rope got weaker. Dan had been playing with the dog for almost an hour and it seemed the dog was getting worn out faster than Dan was. Dan could never grow bored with Colin and it proved just the same with this little fur ball. But soon the dog wasn’t responding to his play queues and Dan suggested that they take him out to potty before letting it tucker out entirely. Phil agreed and started to get up but Dan held out a hand to stop him. He wandered over to the leash and attached it to the small dog’s collar.

“Stay put, I got this. Why don’t you make yourself useful and order us a pizza?” Dan giggled, already knowing that it would be harder with Phil there to get the dog to do its business. Phil sighed and nodded, going back to his computer screen. He had been browsing the internet for the hour Dan had spent with the dog.

“Find anything good?” Dan had asked, wondering what Phil had been scrolling through. Phil only shrugged and kept clicking around. Dan was very absorbed in the tiny dog however and didn’t really need to know anyway.

When Dan re-entered the room with the dog following closely at his feet, he walked behind Phil and looked over his shoulder at the screen. Phil had finished ordering and was reading comments on his last Youtube Video and Dan smiled.

“What are they saying?” he climbed over the couch and nestled himself next to Phil. He had just finished play fighting a dog, he had no reason to play fight Phil for the time being. He just wanted to be close to him.

The dog could not be bothered with Dan’s choice to sit next to Phil. Dan had paid his dues and it seemed that the dog was done with people anyway. He hopped up on the love seat and curled up against the pillow furthest from Phil. He shut his eyes and Dan watched as the little dog started to breath slower. His hair covered his closed eyes and Dan couldn’t help but smile at the sleeping canine.

“One guy thinks I’m sexy. You reckon I tweet at him?” Phil asked, pulling out his phone and dangling it at Dan playfully.

“Yeah sure. Tell him you’re single and ready to mingle,” Dan joked, grabbing Phil’s phone and throwing it to the floor. Gently of course. “You will be if you send that tweet.”

Phil took one arm off of his laptop and he reached over to wrap it around Dan. Dan nestled further into Phil’s side, resting his head on Phil’s shoulder.

“We haven’t checked on the PINOF video in a while, let’s see what people are saying, shall we?” Phil suggested, clicking on the thumbnail that had come up on the side of the video they were just watching. He paused the video right at the moment Dan’s eyes widened on the screen and he scrolled down to the comment boxes.

The comments were rather standard and they didn’t see anything particularly out of the ordinary. Phil read some out loud to Dan that sounded like spam which made Dan laugh because he didn’t know how _busty singles in his area_ had anything to do with their video.

“Oh look at this one! It’s got a link to a website called...” Phil brought the screen a little closer to his eyes. “... _fanfiction.net_.”

“Fan fiction? You mean the stuff people write about Star Wars and shit?” Dan asked, leaning in as well to read what the comment said. “Why is that relevant to us Phil?”

“I don’t know. Shall I click on it?” Phil hovered the mouse over the link and blinked his eyelashes at Dan. He clearly wanted to explore it. But he wouldn’t if Dan didn’t want to.

“Sure, why not?” Dan rolled his eyes as the older boy clicked the link. “I’m going to regret this, aren’t I?”

The page took a second to load but when it did, a site with a blue header came up and in large black letters, they saw the title: _Phanfiction_.

“Ha,” Phil giggled. “I like what they did there.”

“No way,” Dan grabbed the laptop and brought it closer to him. “They didn’t.”

Dan read over the first few lines of the paragraph below the words.

“Oh my God, Phil. They wrote fanfiction about us!” Dan furrowed his brows and kept reading. Something about Phil kissing Dan in the morning. He shoved the laptop towards Phil. “I can’t believe this.”

Phil read a couple lines and covered his mouth with his hand.

“How did this happen? Why are people doing that?! I’m only in one video of yours!” Dan exclaimed, not quite able to look away from the screen. Still catching lines of the story in front of them.

“Well the video has almost 20,000 views. I guess some people really really like us together,” Phil laughed as he continued to skim through the blurb of words on the screen.

Dan was silent. He just read a little over Phil’s shoulder and his mouth fell slightly open when he read a line about smushed Jaffa Cakes being spread over his naked body.

“This is terribly inaccurate,” he mumbled, forcing Phil to click away from the page by hitting the _next_ button.

“Hey! I was enjoying that!” Phil protested, pouting his lip and turning towards Dan. Dan glared at him. “I could almost taste the Jaffa cakes!”

“I would never let you do that. I hate Jaffa cakes, remember?”

“Oh yeah...” Phil smiled and turned back to the screen on his lap. “Oh! This one is about us going on a deep sea dive!”

“What?”

“Yeah, look,” he pointed to the first line. “ _Dan got out of the water and slowly started to unzip his wetsuit for Phil who was already rock ha-”_

“Stop!” Dan shut the laptop on Phil’s fingers who hissed and flapped his fingers around in the air. “Stop, stop, stop.”

“But Dan!”

“I will not condone this. I don’t want people imagining me fucking you!” Dan crossed his arms and didn’t really understand why he was deciding this. But there was something strange about reading something someone you didn’t know wrote about you and your boyfriend. It just didn’t feel right. “It’s so creepy.”

“Creepy?” Phil asked, putting his laptop on the coffee table and turning towards the pouting boy. “Dan, the internet it a creepy place. Surprisingly, this is one of the least creepy things out there.”

“I don’t know, Phil. Doesn’t it make you feel weird knowing that people are imagining your penis?” he grimaced, thinking about his boyfriend’s cock. He hadn’t meant to think about it in detail but for some reason, there it was. He felt his pants tighten a tad and he shifted as he tried to change his thoughts to something more innocent. “Or mine for that matter?”

“It sounds like Tiffany238 thinks you’re pretty well endowed,” Phil licked his lips and smirked. Dan shoved Phil a little.

“Shut up,” he sighed and slumped back with his arms still folded across his chest. “I just don’t want anyone else to see you naked but me.”

“They aren’t _seeing_ anything,” Phil laughed, probably finding Dan’s argument a tad ridiculous. He was clearly much more accustomed to the fame than Dan was. “Plus, you can’t stop the internet from doing what they’re doing. You might as well embrace it.”

Phil had a point. The internet was an outlet for creativity. If people wanted to write things about him and his boyfriend, then he supposed that was better than doing cocaine under a bridge somewhere. Plus, it only meant that they thought Dan and Phil made a good couple and that thought alone made his cheeks warm.

He reached forward and grabbed the laptop from the table, opening it and punching in Phil’s passcode. He clicked around the site and scrolled through a few lists, finding one with a better title. _Dan and Phil and the Ham Poisoning_.

“Here we go. Some quality content,” Dan chuckled and faced the laptop towards Phil who read the first line out loud.

“ _Dan and Phil were getting paid a million pounds a month to eat ham every day for the rest of their life. It was day number 36 and Phil was starting to feel ill_ ,” Phil laughed and it made it hard to understand what he was reading. He skipped forward in his head and mumbled the words as he skipped to the end. “Dan! I’m not reading this! I die!”

“What?” Dan laughed, pulling the laptop over to his lap and skimmed the sentence Phil was pointing out.

“Ham overload,” Phil quoted their video and Dan laughed.

“Okay, okay,” Dan sifted through the fanfiction again in an effort to find something more relevant to their personalities. Turns out that one video isn’t really enough to get a hold on someone’s character traits and they couldn’t find one that was even remotely realistic. “Phil, these people don’t even know me.”

“Well maybe we should make another video then,” Phil teased, poking Dan’s cheek where his dimple would be if he was smiling. “Or maybe you should just start making videos by yourself.”

“Phil, we’ve been over this. I’m not creative enough to do that,” he shook his head and rejected the idea.

“Sure you are!” Phil argued, poking Dan harder under the arm which made him break the straight face he was sporting. “Come on. It might be fun! I can give you some editing tips.”

“Editing tips?” Dan laughed and he shoved Phil’s jabbing finger away from him. “That sounds like a euphemism.”

“Maybe it is,” Phil winked and scooted closer to the younger boy. He placed the laptop on the table in front of them, then he turned more towards Dan. Their knees were touching and now Phil’s arm was snaking around to grab the other side of Dan’s face. Dan got hypnotized momentarily by Phil’s blue eyes and he leaned in, meeting Phil’s soft lips in the middle. Phil closed his eyes and Dan watched as his lashes fell against his cheeks. God Phil was beautiful. He closed his eyes as well and relished in how lucky he was to have the real thing in front of him rather than only a story written about them.

Phil pulled away slowly but he didn’t let their lips fall apart, instead he kept their foreheads together and their bottom lips just barely closed the space between them. Phil looked into Dan’s wide brown eyes and smiled, giving him those adorable eye crinkles that Dan just couldn't resist.

“Let’s say I did make videos. What would they be about?” Dan said in his smallest voice. He watched as Phil’s crinkles only increased, making Dan feel proud that he had done that.

“Well that’s up to you. Anything. I just think people would like to hear from you by yourself. To get to know you,” Phil offered, still only centimeters away from the younger’s face. “Plus it’ll be a good project to work on while you’re at home. Maybe it’ll make the time go faster.”

Phil had a point. At this rate, Dan was going to need a project. He wasn’t going to survive that long without something to occupy him.

“If I promise to make videos, you have to promise to help me edit them,” Dan said slowly, kicking himself for using the word _promise_. He wasn’t meant to break those.

“I promise,” Phil said, kissing Dan lightly to solidify it. Dan let some hot air out of his nose and he nodded against Phil’s forehead.

“Okay fine. I’ll make a few. But _only a few_. If I don’t like it, you have to let me stop. No questions asked,” Dan let his face fall into a serious one because he didn’t want Phil pressuring him to keep this going. Especially because he was bad at saying no. Particularly bad at saying no to Phil.

“Deal,” Phil said in almost a whisper and Dan knew what was coming. Phil dropped his smile as well and shut his blue eyes, falling forward and picking Dan’s mouth up in another kiss. This time, he slid his tongue into Dan’s mouth and let it run against Dan’s bottom lip. Dan reached up to cup Phil’s face with his fingers, smiling through the kiss. He would never get tired of Phil’s mouth on his and it was especially nice to feel the other boy’s body so close to his own.

The kiss escalated a little after a few seconds and he heard a small moan leave his mouth as he was being pushed back against the arm of the couch. Phil was quickly adjusting his position so that he was climbing on top of Dan. Dan was definitely getting lost in the moment as he almost forgot where they were. That is until he heard a tiny bark from the dog on the other seat. Phil froze and they both turned their head to the little shih tzu on the couch. It had perked its head up and was looking directly at Phil while growling low in its throat. Dan started to laugh.

“Phil, you better be careful. Snuffy thinks you’re attacking me,” Dan warned the older boy with a laugh. Phil was still very much on top of Dan and he was frozen, glaring at the dog who was glaring right back.

“Seriously?” Phil exclaimed, at the dog it seemed. The dog just stayed where he was and Phil sighed, about to climb off of Dan when Dan reached out and grabbed him, pulling him back to where he was.

“No Phil. Don’t let the dog ruin what we had going on here,” Dan pleaded. If his pants weren’t tight before, they were now.

“But Dan! That dog is going to kill me,” his eyes were still fixated on the tiny animal on the love seat. Dan grabbed Phil’s face and turned it back towards him.

“What are you afraid of? Snuffy is like a foot long and barely weighs anything. What is he going to do?” Dan challenged, sliding his hand slowly up Phil’s shirt. He pouted. “Come on. I was enjoying this.”

Phil looked down at him and then back at the dog. The dog’s breathing had slowed a little and Phil looked into Dan’s eyes one more time before he leaned down and kissed Dan again. The dog stayed quiet and Dan could feel the other boy relax on top of them. They repositioned so Dan was lying horizontal across the sofa and Phil was lying perfectly on top of him as if they were made for each other specifically. Phil’s legs were between Dan’s and Dan’s legs were pretty much wrapped around Phil’s upper thighs. It wasn’t until Phil started to grind down on Dan that the dog started to bark again.

“Oh for fucks sake!” Dan groaned when Phil froze again. He lifted his head and looked at the dog. “You know, you don’t have to be rude.”

The dog stood up on all four legs and barked as if responding to Dan’s little remark.

“Sit. Be a good dog,” Dan ordered, pretty much knowing that wasn’t going to work. He looked up at Phil and connected their lips again but the moment he did, he heard a thump as the dog jumped from the other couch. He trotted over to the side of the couch their heads were lying on, then jumped up in the small space next to Dan’s head. Obviously Phil stopped kissing Dan as he was startled by the dog’s sudden appearance. He barked at the older boy and Phil jumped up and off of Dan.

“Dan, I think maybe we should stop,” Phil suggested, adjusting his jeans because he too got a little excited.

“What is wrong with you?” Dan asked the dog, petting it’s ear. “I’m fine. Phil isn’t hurting me.”

The dog just growled in Phil’s direction.

“In fact I was quite enjoying that,” Dan said, gesturing to his crotch area as if the dog would understand him. “Can’t you see what’s going on here?”

Dan winked at the dog, hoping that maybe the animal would get the hint. But alas, the dog was not human and there was no way he was going to get those social queues. Dan sat up a little and sighed.

“Well Phil, looks like we’ve been cock blocked,” he rolled his eyes and picked up the puppy, placing it onto the ground in front of them. “Probably for the best anyway. I’m not sure if I wanted to have sexy times in front of another living creature.

“We did it in front of those plants on the roof top,” Phil muttered, clearly disgruntled and disappointed.

“Those weren’t alive, Phil,” Dan reminded, shaking his head with a smile. “They were very much dead.”

Phil slumped in his seat and crossed his arms. His disheveled hair fell into his eyes and he blew the fringe up with a long exhale.

“Well at least plants don’t cock block you,” he remarked quietly, glaring at the dog that was now standing proudly by the TV with a ball in his mouth. Dan nodded and stood up, adjusting himself in his pants, then going to the bathroom. He returned with two beers for them, sitting on the couch and handing the cell phone that he had thrown on the ground to Phil.

“Here. Sorry I threw it,” he mumbled, kissing the older boy on the cheek. Phil hadn’t cared. It’s not like he had anyone else to text anyway. But he checked his home screen and smiled.

“Louise texted me,” he said, opening the phone and reading the message. Dan pulled his phone from his pocket and frowned.

“She didn’t text me!” he whined, leaning over to read what was on Phil’s screen.

“Ha ha. She likes me more!” Phil teased and turned his phone towards Dan. “I guess Matt’s having a party and she wants us to come.”

“What kind of party?” Dan asked, trying to read the tiny font on the phone screen.

“A birthday party,” Phil answered. “But I guess it’s the last party of the year and Matt’s graduating. I’m sure it’s going to be a huge thing. You wanna go?”

Dan thought for a moment. Every time Louise had invited him to a party, something strange had happened. Whether it was good or bad, it was hard to tell, but he would be a dick if he didn’t go to their last party. Plus, she probably only needed them to come for a few minutes, make an appearance, and then they were free to do whatever they wanted.

“Yeah, sure, why not?” Dan nodded, looking up from Phil’s phone screen. “Might be fun.”

Phil laughed and looked at Dan who just shrugged.

“You think?” Phil only wanted the best for Dan so he rarely argued with Dan’s decisions. However, Dan knew how Phil’s voice changed when he was skeptical and it sounded exactly like that.

“What, you don’t think it will be?”

“Well I don’t know. Haven’t we gone to enough parties this year?” Phil commented. He had a point. They had gone to more parties than Dan imagined his University self attending and it was quite a shock to his personality which suggested that he go to zero. “Aren’t you getting sort of sick of parties? You said so yourself on your birthday.”

“Yeah...” Dan nodded. “I guess I did say that.”

“If you really want to go, I’ll go with you, I’m just saying, I don’t want a repeat of the party here,” Phil gestured to the house they were in. The memory made Dan cringe a little as he recalled the events.

“But Louise will _kill_ us if we don’t. It’s the last one. Come on, Phil. It can’t be too bad,” Dan could see his blonde friend now, dragging him from his room and into the car. “She won’t take no for an answer.”

“I suppose you’re right,” Phil agreed. “You reckon we get her a gift this time? To soften the blow of leaving early?”

“Sounds like a good idea,” Dan nodded as he took a sip of his beer. “What do you think she’d like?”

“I don’t know. I’m not a girl,” Phil looked up at the ceiling while he thought about the question. “Some chocolate, maybe?”

“Yeah. Girls like chocolate,” Dan repeated, wondering how he was such a terrible friend. He had no idea what Louise liked. The colors pink and mint green came to mind, but that was about it.

“Let’s just go with chocolate. I think it’s easiest,” Phil nodded. “The party is on Monday. We can go to the store this weekend.”

“Sounds good,” Dan agreed. He leaned back and chugged a significant amount of the beer in his hand. If the dog wasn’t going to let him fool around with his boyfriend, he wanted to have some fun at least.

He had totally forgot about the pizza they had ordered and when the doorbell rang, the dog freaked out. Dan grabbed the puppy and Phil went to the door to sign. After getting the dog to calm down, Dan placed him on the love seat when Phil came back over to the couch. He dropped the pizza on the coffee table and sat next to Dan.

“You want to watch something while we eat?” Phil asked, opening the box.

Dan grabbed the remote off of the coffee table, deciding on a channel to mindlessly watch. Because of their conflict in TV taste, they decided on watching something on the Discovery Channel that featured lizards and their incredible speeds. At first, they held up a conversation about childhood pets spurred on by the reptiles on screen, resulting in Phil talking about his hamsters in great detail, but sooner than later, Phil started to get extremely invested in the program on the TV. Dan kept sipping away at his beer as he started to gain interest as well. He smiled as Phil watched the lizards run from snakes, totally engrossed in what was happening. Dan knew Phil had a thing for little creatures but he had no idea how excited Phil got when learning about them.

Of course Phil’s excitement couldn’t last forever and soon Phil’s head was bobbing up and down before finally falling against the back of the couch. Dan left the TV on in the background as he quietly leaned forward to grab Phil’s laptop. He opened it, typed _Bear_ into the password box, then brought his curser up to the search box on _fanfiction.net_. He lied back and started to read one about him and Phil in a haunted house, letting the creative writing humor him until his brain was reading the same sentence over and over again. He left the computer on his lap as he let his eyes shut.

 

-

 

Dan was awoken when he heard the sound of consistent barking. Snuffy was barking at the door, loudly in fact, and Dan figured out why when a very very drunk Tyler came waltzing in. Clearly someone else had driven his car back because there is was, sitting in the driveway. Dan sat up and rubbed his eyes, placing the laptop gently to his side.

Following Tyler was another male with a short beard who seemed slightly surprised about seeing two strangers on the couch.

“Tyler? Where are you going?” he called after the drunk boy who had already started up to his room. “You have guests.”

Tyler turned and squinted in Dan and Phil’s direction. Phil was still knocked out cold and Dan was just watching the American with intrigue. The boy that had come in with Tyler had shut the door and picked up the dog on his way over to Dan.

“I’m Adam by the way,” he introduced himself, shaking the sleepy boy’s hand.

“Adam ismyboy-” Tyler hiccuped. “-friend.”

“Is he?” Dan looked at the boy whose hand he just shook with an eyebrow raise. The boy nodded and kind of rolled his eyes. Tyler sure was a handful when he was drunk. Dan wasn’t sure how Adam put up with it.

“Yeah and...” Tyler abandoned the stairs and started towards Dan. “ And weare gonnago fuck.”

Adam’s face dropped and he glared at the other boy.

“Adamisa gooooooood fuck,” Tyler’s drunk slurs continued. “Dan...I betcha Phil overhere isa good fuck.”

Dan blinked at Tyler who was looking at the sleeping boy beside him. Dan’s cheeks turned red and he couldn’t help but smile at what came to mind.

“Ishea good fuck?” Dan was getting sick of the words _good fuck_ and Tyler was so drunk that he doubted he would even remember Dan’s response anyway.

“Yeah. He is,” Dan grinned, laughing a little at himself. He never in a million years thought he would have admitted _that_ in his lifetime. It felt kind of good. It was a shame Phil was asleep and he couldn’t hear Dan’s confidence. However, maybe it was because his boyfriend was sleeping that he could admit that out loud.

“ _Good_. Youguys are cute,” Tyler nodded, his eyes closed and his balance a little off. He waddled towards the stairs again. “Fairwell my queens!”

“Okay, Tyler. Let’s get you to bed,” Adam said calmly. He shot apologetic eyes to Dan and nodded, following Tyler up the stairs. Adam turned and glanced at Phil. “You guys are welcome to stay the night.”

“Thanks,” Dan answered, shoving his hair from his face and trying to wake up a little. He turned to the Phil who’s mouth was hanging slightly ajar. He sat in silence for a moment before he decided he had enough energy to walk home. Sleeping on Tyler’s couch was not high up on his interest list. He reached over and hoped that Phil would feel the same way, giving him a slight shake. “Phil.”

Obviously Phil wasn’t going to wake up to a light shaking, he had always been a rather heavy sleeper, so Dan scooted closer and shook a little more aggressively.

“Phil.”

“Hm?” the boy did his usual grunt and didn’t bother to open his eyes.

“Phil, wake up. Let’s go home,” Dan tried to lure the boy with the image of their comfortable bed. “You don’t want to sleep here.”

“But’mcomfortable,” Phil mumbled, whining.

“No, get up. Come on,” Dan tried the shaking again. “If you sleep in your contacts your eyes are going to hurt.”

He resorted to warning Phil of the pain his eyes would end up experiencing. Phil often forgot to take his contacts out and it was always hell the next day. Dan having to give him eyedrops and sooth the red balls that sat in his skull. It wasn’t a pleasant experience for either of them.

“Fine, fine,” he heard the other boy finally give up. He repositioned himself and opened his eyes, blinking at Dan’s face which was now awfully close. “It’s such a long walk.”

“I’ll give you a piggy back ride,” Dan offered. He was lying and Phil knew it.

“No you won’t,” Phil chuckled and rubbed the sleep out of his eye. “What time is it?”

“Almost four,” Dan checked his phone, his eyes feeling heavy as well. “Let’s walk home and then we can go straight to bed.”

“Okay,” Phil hummed, standing and putting his shoes on slowly. Dan collected Phil’s laptop and put it back into the bag Phil had brought it in. He swung it over his own shoulder and started for the door. “Whataboutthe dog?”

“He’s upstairs. Tyler’s got him,” Dan confirmed, grabbing Phil’s hand. Phil was slumped over a little and he just looked so sleepy and adorable. Dan hated having to make him walk. He didn’t have the money for a cab and it wasn’t like it was too terribly far. He just felt bad pulling his boyfriend from his slumber in the first place.

They walked hand in hand to their building, Phil leaning on Dan and the conversation at a minimum. Dan told Phil about the time he accidentally pressed a panic alarm at his old job which was enough of a distraction to keep Phil from falling asleep standing. Phil’s small chuckles warmed Dan’s heart. When they did reach their room, Dan opened the door and Phil went straight for the bathroom. He fished his contacts out of his barely open eyes, then stumbled over and collapsed onto the bed. Dan laughed, pulling off Phil’s shoes and then his jeans so that the other would be more comfortable. He would have gone for the shirt as well but Phil was pretty much already asleep. He was mumbling nonsense about hamsters and the dog they were just sitting.

“Okay Phil, get under there,” Dan held up the blanket some and watched his beloved curl into a little ball under the sheets. Dan had to fight the urge to coo at him and he stripped to his boxer shorts, climbing in after his boyfriend. He made himself comfortable against Phil’s warmth and the last thing he remembered was hearing Phil mumble something about a “good fuck”.


	34. Chapter 34

The next time they walked into Tyler’s house, it looked much different. There were streamers and balloons. However, Dan and Phil had both expected this party to be a big one, something like the other parties Tyler threw, but this was nothing like those parties. In fact, it actually caught them off guard. They walked in to find that there were significantly less people than usual, much quieter music playing and much much less alcohol. Sure there were beer cans and Dan thought he saw punch, but nobody was dancing on a table or losing their stomach in a plant vase. Instead, the dog was playing tug-o-war with Alfie and Dan counted about 13 heads total.

Of course they were greeted at the door by Louise who was “always so happy to see them”, giving them a large hug and smooching their faces.

“I’m so happy you two decided to come!” she squealed, probably aware of their plan to ditch after a little while. The size of the party pretty much kissing that idea goodbye. They were trapped. But this was more their scene anyway and Dan honestly didn’t mind being around these guys. He watched as Phil handed over the gift anyway. They really were becoming _that_ couple.

“We know it’s Matt’s birthday but we got you a little something as a thank you. You know. For everything you’ve done for us,” Phil was always so articulate and Dan was never good at being genuine. It always came out so awkward.

“Oh sugar! You shouldn’t have!” she grabbed the gift and as she waved off the attempt of kindness, she hastily opened the bag to check out the gift. She pulled out the box of mint green and pink chocolates and her face turned soft. She was flustered, which was unusual for the blonde haired girl. She stared down at them for a moment with a fond smile and then returned her big eyes to the boys. “Well you two arrived just in time. We were going to play some party games!”

 She seemed at a lost for words about the gift, knowing that she told Dan a while ago about her favorite colors. It was obvious that this gift came from the heart and Louise wasn’t used to being the sappy chap that Dan apparently had become. Her defense mechanism was changing the subject and Dan was alright with that.

“Party games?” Phil asked, raising an eyebrow. “Like pin the tail on the donkey?”

“Phil Lester, what kind of establishment do you think I’m running here?” she stepped back with a appalled look on her face. “We will be playing some _adult_ games thank you very much. Drinking games in fact.”

She clapped her hands together in order to get everyone’s attention while Dan and Phil shed their jackets and shoes.

“Isn’t this Matt’s party?” Dan leaned over to ask Phil quietly. Phil shrugged.

“Is any party Louise attends _not_ her party?” Phil answered, the two giggling.

“Attention Materinos!” she held up her beer bottle. “We are going to play a good old fashion game of Never Have I Ever in about 5 minutes! Grab a drink to play with and let’s hop to it!”

Dan sighed.

“Louise. Do we have to play? We aren’t really the type to-”

“Everyone is playing,” Louise snapped, giving them a warning glance. “Now go get yourselves some punch. I made it myself.”

Dan looked at Phil and they both made their way to the kitchen. Blue cups sat on a table next to a bowl of red punch. They each grabbed some hefty cups, hoping that would be enough to last the game, and they made their way to the living room.

Turns out, more people despised the game than Louise thought and some refused to play. Naturally Louise dragged Matt into it, but the only others that were willing to join were Tyler - obviously, Zoe - out of curtesy, Alfie - because he had to, and Chris and PJ - who were attached at the hip. Dan was about to argue about how he had to play the game and Casper got to escape when Phil gave him a look. Dan knew better than to challenge Louise. She knew too much and there was no way out. Not today.

“Who wants to go fiiiirst?” Louise sing-songed. It was clear that she was getting a kick out of this. When nobody answered right away, she volunteered the birthday boy who looked less than thrilled to say the least.

“Alright, alright,” he gave up the little fight he had with her, Dan wondering how exactly Matt could even handle a girl like Louise, and started the game. “Never have I ever...gone to the cinema alone.”

A few people drank to that. Dan hadn’t either so he kept his cup in his lap, watching Phil as he took a sip. The blue cup met his blue eyes and Dan smiled. Phil was a treasure.

He wasn’t really one to go places without other people, however the idea of seeing a movie on the big screen by himself sounded like a nice time. He took a mental note to remember that and go while he was on break.

The game started off rather innocent. Never have I ever gone swimming without clothes on, never have I ever been to America, never have I ever eaten Sushi - which was Phil’s. Dan promised to take him someday and Chris threw a piece of crumbled paper at him because he “wasn’t allowed to be cute”.

“Never have I ever eaten caviar,” Dan said, hoping to make a few people drink. The goal was to be the last person with a full cup. He thought that maybe he could achieve that.

But because everyone drank to that, his wish was short lived. Everyone decided to turn against him and target him specifically.

“Never have I ever become gay for another person,” Tyler winked at Phil as he said it.

“Oh come on! That’s not fair!” Dan said, bringing the cup to his lips. He understood that there weren’t really official rules to the party game but he knew foul play when he saw it. He still drank however and to Tyler’s surprise, so did Chris and PJ. Everyone knew they had come out but for some reason everyone always forgot. “Tyler, you had to go gay for _someone_.”

“Nope! I’ve been gay since the moment I came out of my mom’s vagina!”

“Well you realized it somehow,” Dan mumbled.

“Yeah. That’s why I _left_ the vagina. I knew I wanted no part in that!”

Everyone groaned and PJ stopped the conversation real quick.

“Never have I ever straightened my hair,” PJ said, and literally everyone drank, making him the next target.

The game wasn’t actually that bad and Dan was actually having a good time. The more he drank, the less he minded. That is until Zoe said something she shouldn’t have.

“Never have I ever taken it up the bum,” she was clearly drunk. Alfie, who was sitting next to her, started going red. Even though it wasn’t exactly incriminating, it was his sex life too. Dan and Phil both hesitantly lifted their glasses to their mouths. Everyone was watching them. Tyler did as well but he was already just about out of punch. Chris and PJ didn’t drink either and Dan was actually surprised.

“Oh so that’s how we’re going to play,” Phil fired back, glaring at Zoe. It seemed there was some sort of feud going on that Dan had totally missed until this moment. Now that he thought back to it, because Phil followed Zoe every time, he had sort of noticed the competition. “Never have I ever been given a rim job.”

Zoe gasped and she stared at Phil, then at Dan, then at Phil again, lifting her drink to her mouth. Alfie looked absolutely horrified. Dan was just staring at them both with confusion. How the fuck did Phil know how to target her like that? When did he learn this information? He wasn’t even sure what a rim job was but his best guess made him shiver. Phil hadn’t got one before? Not ever? Granted, neither had he - he didn’t think, but Phil was much more experienced in that department. Dan lost himself in thought for a moment, watching the older boy laugh at Zoe’s misfortune. Phil’s blue eyes crinkled at the edges and his tongue stuck out of his mouth slightly. His blue plaid shirt made his eyes pop and Dan felt lucky that Phil was all his. He was the only one that got to see Phil’s blue blue eyes look at him the way they did.

But now people were staring at him and it was his turn to think of something. Anything at all. He forced himself to stop thinking about Phil and spewed off the first thing that came to mind.

“Never have I ever smoked a cigarette,” Dan watched as only a couple people drank to that, including Phil. Dan then remembered the story that Phil had told him a while ago, placing his hand on Phil’s knee as if to notify him that he didn’t mean to make him drink. He was attempting to bring the theme back from sex but with Tyler following him, of course it wouldn’t work.

“Never have I ever been tied to a bed,” he snickered, looking across the room at his boyfriend. He seemed to grab Adam’s attention and he waved a little. Tyler was drunk. Obviously. A few people drank to that, Matt did which made Louise snicker. Dan raised his eyebrows, not surprised in the slightest. He looked to Phil, assuming that was something he had done, but Phil kept his cup on the ground and didn’t drink. His eyes focused on Tyler and his obscene waving, giving Dan a moment to admire Phil’s stoic position and straight face. Just the idea of Phil being tied to a bed threatened the state of his crotch and he had to think abut something else rather quickly to avoid an issue. Dan looked away before the older boy could tell that he was staring.

“Never have I ever come twice in a row,” Matt said, almost in spite of what he had just drank to. Both of the girls drank with a groan and Dan thought he saw Tyler throw what was left in his cup back.

“Never have I ever snogged two guys in one night,” Louise fired her glance towards Zoe who gasped again, drinking anyway and totally disregarding Alfie’s horrified look.

“It was before I met you,” she pat his face with her hand and sighed as she waited for the next one. Dan made eye contact with Alfie for a brief moment and he just looked confused. Dan sent him a sympathetic glance but was interrupted by Chris.

“Never have I ever dated someone older than me,” he smiled at PJ, who was indeed younger by a few years. Dan glared as he took a sip from his cup and looked up at Phil who also drank. Dan wasn’t surprised. He had no idea how old Alex was. He never asked.

The game went on like this, the extremely personal questions dying down and finally the game was just about over. Most people had little to no liquid left in their cup and surprisingly, it was Louise who won. Her cup was nearly empty but she showed everyone that it did indeed have more in it than anyone else’s.

Everyone stood, some traveled to the kitchen to get something else to drink and others just went to catch up with someone else in the room who had decided to skip the game entirely. Dan just stood in the middle of the living room with his boyfriend, playing with his hands in his own.

“Dan and Phil!” before either of them could say anything, someone came up behind them and grabbed their shoulders tight. It startled Dan but it seemed it was no surprise to Phil who happily grinned at the boy standing behind them. It was Luke. Dan rarely ever spoke to Luke but it turns out that Phil and Luke got along rather well. They had been friendly since freshman year and were part of the same group of friends for years. He also had an interest in making videos which gave Phil someone to talk to about filmmaking and Youtube. Phil was glad to find out that Luke was a friend of Louise’s. But he was always in an on-and-off thing with this girl Emma and it seemed that Phil acted as a temporary therapist during their literature class together. Phil gave the boy a half hug and asked him how he was doing. “I am doing wonderfully and I am so glad to see you two!”

“Are you?” Phil looked the boy up and down and noticed the nearly empty cup in his hand. He had definitely partaken in a fair amount of alcohol. Dan was realizing how little sober people he actually spoke to when he went to these kinds of events.

“Yes! Because I wanted to tell you about Emma,” he said, looking around as if to check if she was listening.

“Is she here?” Phil asked, scanning the room as well.

“Nono. She’s not,” Luke shut his eyes and tried to regain the balance he lost when he closed them. “But she’s _everywhere_.”

“Okay...” Phil looked at Dan and gave him a hand motion that suggested he go and find something else to do. Phil was used to hearing about Luke’s problems because he was a polite guy, but that didn’t mean Dan had to stand and listen as well. He gave his boyfriend an apologetic nod and he stepped back a few paces, allowing the two the privacy to talk.

Dan pulled out his phone as he waited, opening up the internet browser and googling the words _rim job._ He couldn’t help it, he was curious. He looked over his shoulders to make sure nobody was coming in his direction and he read the first definition to come up on the page. He felt his stomach drop and quickly aborted this task. After learning precisely what it was and how it was preformed, he couldn’t help but bite his lip. He had nothing against the idea but he was slightly disgusted with himself that he looked it up in public. Dan shook the thought out of his head because it wasn’t helping him blend into the party and wandered over to Chris and PJ who were in the middle of a little spat about eyeballs on the other side of the room. When Dan came up to them however, the two quieted rather quickly, turning their attention to Dan’s pale and confused face, and ignoring it. Before they could say anything about how disturbed he might have appeared, PJ grabbed his arm.

“Dan, Dan, tell him. Isn’t it true that blue-eyed people have the highest tolerance of alcohol?” PJ tried. Dan looked at him without saying a word, not sure how he was supposed to answer that. He didn’t know.

“Uh...I don’t know,” he furrowed his brow. “PJ, you have blue eyes. Shouldn’t you know that?”

“I _do_. But Chris here is telling me that it’s _not_ true,” PJ pointed at his boyfriend and Chis scoffed.

“PJ, I think there’s more to it than that,” Chris argued. “We’ve had the same amount of alcohol tonight and boy you are drunk as a skunk!”

“Not true!” PJ rolled his eyes and he stormed off towards the kitchen to grab another drink. Dan wasn’t sure what he had just walked into but he turned to Chris and smiled.

“How are you, Chris?” he asked for a few reasons. He hadn’t talked to Chris is a while so he was genuinely interested in how he was doing, but he was also curious how his sudden lifestyle change was fairing. Chris had pretty much done a 180.

“I’m fine thank you. Now that the other one is gone,” he gestured towards PJ who was trying to fill his cup with more punch and missing it entirely. Dan snickered and he pat Chris on the shoulder.

“It looks like you’ve got your work cut out for you,” Dan joked, watching the drunk boy drop the ladle and splash himself with punch. He stood for a moment while he looked at his wet shirt with a frown. “But seriously. How are you two? You seem happy.”

“Oh you know us. We’ve been attached at the hip since PJ totally almost failed Econ. That boy wouldn’t know up from down if it weren’t for me,” Chris put his hands on his hips, puffing out his chest and trying to look a little tougher than he already did. Dan knew what he was doing but he just nodded and went along with it. He could see the blush in Chris’ cheeks but he knew better than to point it out.

“Well that’s good to hear,” Dan nodded. He had so much that he wanted to tell Chris. He wanted to let him know how proud he was of him and how wonderful it was that he had finally grown sensitive to people’s sexualities. Not to mention, his own. He wished for Phil’s articulation but it just wouldn’t come to him. At the risk of sounding offensive, he tried his best. “Can I tell you something, Chris?”

“Sure, go right on ahead,” Chris welcomed the words with a semi sarcastic tone and Dan just nodded, taking a moment to think about what he was about to say.

“I just want to tell you that you’re a really great guy and I’m sorry our relationship didn’t start out so strongly,” Dan smiled kindly. He had been wanting to tell Chris that ever since his birthday and he figured now was an appropriate time to do it. He hoped that his tone conveyed the rest. “And I really value you as a friend.”

“Aw shucks, Mate,” Chris smiled and gave Dan a pat on the back. “You’re not so terrible yourself.”

“Yeah?” Dan laughed nervously, glad that Chris didn’t chew him out or anything.

“Yeah. I’m sorry ‘bout what I said. Ya know. About Phil,” Chris looked at the ground and shuffled his feet a tad. “He’s a cool guy.”

“Thanks...I mean...I know,” Dan nodded, sighing. He appreciated the apology a couple months ago but it was even better hearing it from him now. Chris really had changed and Dan couldn’t be happier.

And as if on queue, PJ appeared next to Chris and Phil appeared next to Dan. Dan smiled and laced his hand into Phil’s, watching as Chris’ did the same to PJ’s. He stared at them for a moment before bowing his head and leading Phil into the kitchen to grab something more to drink.

 

-

 

After about two hours of mingling and moving about, Dan was starting to feel a little overwhelmed. He and Phil had decided they would leave early but because of the size of the party, they felt guiltier than they should. Plus, it was the last one. Neither of them wanted to be _that_ guy who left early.

Inevitably however, Dan was beginning to feel a little cooped up. He decided that instead of conversing and getting more agitated, he would step out back and get some fresh air. He left Phil in a group of four or five people while they talked lightly about their future. Phil was mentioning how he was considering going back to school later for a masters in something and Dan didn’t want to talk about that anyway so he flashed his boyfriend an apologetic look and excused himself to the back door. As he let himself outside, he noticed how dimly lit the backyard was. There was a tiny fenced in area that was clearly meant for the dog and a few floor lights that illuminated the pathway. Dan thought for a moment about how two boys, Tyler and Korey, could afford a place like this. Stupid Americans. Where did they get their money anyways? Someone must have died in this house and dropped the rent. Just as he was beginning to think about next year and living with Phil, the man himself opened the door behind him. Dan jumped a little at the intrusion to his inner peace but was happy when he turned his head to see his beautiful boyfriend’s face. He felt Phil’s arms wrap around him from behind, letting himself sigh into the touch. Phil nuzzled himself into Dan’s neck and kissed the tender skin below Dan’s ear.

“Hey.”

“Hey,” Dan responded to Phil’s soft speech, welcoming him to his little moment of solitude.

“What are you doing out here?”

“Just getting some fresh air,” Dan explained, gesturing to the inside. “There are a lot of people in there.”

Phil just hummed and swayed the two of them back and forth for a moment as they both gazed into the dark backyard.

“Been a pretty good night though, huh?” Phil commented. “Nothing tragic has happened. Unless you count Tyler getting excessively drunk.”

“Don’t jinx it, Phil!” Dan shoved him a little. “That party isn’t over yet.”

“Yeah, but look,” Phil pointed up a the night sky. Manchester was beautiful, but in most places the stars weren’t visible. Tonight however, they were. “Even the stars agree with me.”

“Oh shut up,” Dan shot back, the smile on his face told a different story though as he looked up at the twinkling specks.

They stood like that for a while, Phil holding Dan from behind and rubbing his thumb over the younger’s tummy, his chin resting comfortably on Dan’s shoulder. Dan hadn’t even realized that he was deep in his own headspace until Phil spoke up.

“What are you thinking about?” Phil knew when Dan was thinking about something. He couldn’t get away from it. Phil knew him entirely too well. He let the silence sit for a moment before he spoke.

“I’m just thinking about next year,” he paused and felt Phil’s breathing against his back. “I’m excited. I just...”

Phil squeezed him tighter.

“You don’t think I’m stupid for dropping out, do you?” Dan asked, his own insecurities nipping at him.

“Of course not,” Phil reassured, his voice soft and comforting. “Why would I think that?”

“I don’t know. I heard you talking to those guys about sticking around and getting your masters. You clearly value education and I just feel kind of pathetic because I couldn’t make it though freshman year,” Dan admitted. Talking to Phil had become easier but the subject was still difficult, regardless to whom he was talking to. “I just don’t want you to think I’m a failure.”

“You’re not a failure!” Phil chuckled a little, spinning Dan around and forcing solid eye contact. “I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again...dropping out of school doesn’t make you a failure. Yeah, maybe school is good in some aspects, but I’m sure you can find something else worth your time and money. Not to mention, your happiness is worth more than a degree.”

Phil smiled at him as he spoke, his words like music to Dan’s ears. His insecurity about everything seemed kind of irrelevant when he was talking to the one who cared about him the most. He hated that he was plagued with these thoughts but he couldn’t help it and it was clear that Phil knew that.

“Don’t think about it too much. Go home, talk to your parents, and we’ll take it from there. One step at a time,” Phil soothed, pulling Dan into an embrace after seeing his face drop. Dan didn’t want to go home. Being away from Phil seemed like the worst possible scenario right now. Their hug was long and tight, Dan using it as comfort and Phil probably doing the same. Dan could feel how much Phil hated the idea of being apart by how hard he squeezed. They didn’t break apart until they heard the door behind them open, Dan getting a glimpse of a very drunk Tyler approaching. Dan grabbed Phil’s hand so that they were at least touching and greeted Tyler.

“Heeeey, there you are!” Tyler was standing in the doorway looking at Phil directly, his eyes squinted and his glasses in one hand. “Philly! You aren’t going to _believe_ this!”

Phil was good at indulging Tyler when he was drunk. As past roommates, Phil probably had to deal with this side of him a lot. Dan watched as Phil smiled politely at Tyler who was slurring his speech and holding onto the limb of someone still inside.

“You’ll never guess who I just found!” Tyler seemed like he was in hysterics. Dan was trying to go over in his head exactly how many drinks Tyler had consumed that night. Casper was very good at egging him on and clearly the two had spent a lot of time together.

“Who?” Phil asked, not trying to play a guessing game with the drunkest man on earth.

“Looook!” Tyler yanked on the limb from inside the house and the door opened just enough for the figure to appear in both of the boy’s visions. Dan’s brain short circuited and he felt Phil’s hand go cold. “He saw that wewerehaving a party and stoppedin to say hello! Isn’t that sweeeeet?”

Tyler burped and not a single word came from Dan or Phil, as they stared at the guest who was staring right back.

“It’s just like old times, huh, Philly?” Tyler snickered, his hand punching Phil’s arm a little too hard. Phil did not look amused and this was the first time Dan had ever seen Phil so rigid. He looked like he was about to pass out and Dan’s brain was moving a million miles a minute as he tried to think of a way out. His knuckles started itching and he was beginning to shake. Not out of fear but out of anger. “I’ll let you guys catchupcause...there’s a cocktail in there with my name on it!”

Tyler let go of the limb he was holding and he waddled inside, closing the door with a loud slam and leaving the three of them in their own silence. Dan’s breath hitched when the door shut and he kept his eyes on the boy in front of him while holding tightly onto Phil’s hand.

“Well, Phil, it _has_ been a while,” Alex smirked, shuffling where he stood and flashing his eyes over to Dan who was about to hurl. He could feel the vomit in the back of his throat and had half a mind to unleash it directly on Alex. “I wasn’t even looking for you this time. Funny how fate works out, huh?”

Silence.

“Not even going to say hello, Phil?” Alex mocked. “Even your little boyfriend had better manners than that. He did the honors of greeting me and _then_ attacking me. You really are good at picking them, Phil.”

“Shut up,” Phil muttered, clearly not about to take any shit from this douche. Especially shit about his boyfriend. That comforted Dan but he was still incredibly uncomfortable. For many reasons. The man standing before them had physically and mentally hurt the person he loved and all the two of them were doing was standing there. Dan had punched him once, he was about damn ready to punch him again. His hand twitched as he thought about it.

Alex looked around at the backyard, his hands on his hips. He admired the way the outside of the house looked and he nodded as he glanced inside.

“I must admit, I do miss these parties. We always had such a good time, didn’t we?” His smile was making Dan queasy. “Don’t you remember all those nights where we snuck up to Tyler’s room and-”

“Alex.” Phil scolded, stepping towards him slightly and in front of Dan. Dan didn’t like this one bit. The closer to Alex Phil got, the more likely he would get hurt. But he wasn’t going to get in the middle of this. This was a delicate situation that he technically had no part in, no matter how much the image of the two of them fucking bothered him. “Leave.”

“Oh cut that bullshit, Phil. I’m not going anywhere. I was invited in! I have every right to be here,” Alex argued, already showing the signs of anger that made Dan punch him in the first place. “I have been trying to get in contact for a while now. Didn’t you get my letter?”

Dan was grinding his teeth and he nearly bit his tongue at the mention of the letter.

“I must not be trying hard enough. Maybe I should have tried Tyler’s house sooner. I was under the impression you didn’t attend parties anymore,” Alex then shot a glance at Dan that turned his blood cold. Alex was blaming _him_ for this? Dan didn’t mind as much as he should of. At least he wasn’t blaming Phil. “As I said in my letter, I really need to talk to you, Phil.”

Phil swallowed. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Oh come on, don’t play dumb. I know you read the letter. Phil Lester doesn’t just _ignore_ mail,” Alex presumed, which bothered Dan. He didn’t like Phil’s full name coming from those lips. He hadn’t read the letter. He didn’t want to invade Phil’s privacy at the time but now he wished he had. He was totally out of the loop. He wasn’t sure what Alex was talking about but it couldn’t be good. Phil looked like he was barely keeping it together and Dan had a minor flashback to the phone call Phil received from Alex. Phil was being so strong and Dan just wanted to tell him that. Now was not the time however. “But don’t worry, I’m not mad. You seem a tad distracted by ...other things.”

Another glance in Dan’s direction.

“I’m serious, Alex. I’d like you to leave. Please,” Phil didn’t raise his voice but this was the scariest Dan had ever seen his boyfriend get. Alex just laughed.

“Oh, Phil! I love it when you beg. I can see it now, you on your knees, begging for-”

“Alex!” Phil stepped closer and Dan fell further behind him. Dan was getting the impression that Phil was trying to shield him from Alex’s words. He was right, the words stung, but Dan didn’t want to take a back seat to this fight. He wanted to be ready and able to attack if Alex so much as landed a finger on Phil.

“Ooooh. It seems I’ve stuck a nerve,” Alex pursed his lips and nodded in Dan’s direction. “I think maybe we should talk alone, Phil.”

Phil was silent for a moment, his breathing was heavy and his face was pale. The darkness of the terribly lit backyard didn’t help the mood. He turned and looked at Dan, his blue eyes dark and harsh, and then returned his glance to his ex-boyfriend. Dan could see that he was thinking hard about this but he couldn’t tell what he was thinking exactly. He still couldn’t read Phil the way Phil could read him. He must have been feeling super conflicted and it worried Dan.

“If we talk...” Phil sounded broken, his voice numb and lacking any positivity. “Will you leave?”

Alex smiled that wicked smile.

“Of course. If that’s what you wish,” he raised his eyebrows. “You know I would do _anything_ for you, Phil.”

Phil took a deep breath and he nodded, his head turning slowly and carefully towards Dan who was trembling behind him.

“Dan...could you give Alex and I a moment alone?” his voice was steady and it seemed lower than usual. Dan was shocked. Did Phil just ask him for a moment alone with his ex-boyfriend? He didn’t know what to do but standing there was not the answer. Phil cleared his throat, his eyes pleading. “Please?”

Dan couldn’t speak, his heart pounding out of his chest. He knew Phil could handle himself but he didn’t trust Alex. Not alone with the love of his life. His legs felt like cement when he tried to move them, Phil’s eyes watching as they carried him to the back door. He left the two boys outside as he shut the door slowly.

He let out the breath that he had been holding, his stomach starting to clench as he thought about what Alex did to Phil. Leaving Phil out there with the person that hurt him the most seemed like the worst possible idea and he felt a rogue tear fall from his eyes. God, he hoped Phil could hold his own.

Before he thought too hard about it, a hand rested on his shoulder. He whipped around, afraid that it might be Alex or worse, someone alerting him that Phil had been hurt. But right before his brain could convince himself that it had only been seconds, he saw that the arm belonged to Luke.

“Dan,” Luke started, his eyes soft and concerned, as if he could see what Dan was thinking. “Come with me?”

For the first few seconds, Dan could barely process that he was following Luke through the house, but when he finally realized what he was doing, he started to panic all over again. He figured that standing by the door would be safer than going somewhere where he couldn’t get to Phil in seconds. Before he could even say something, Luke opened the bathroom door and gently pushed Dan inside, following him in and locking the door. Dan watched as he opened the bathroom window and kept the lights out.

“What are we-”

“Shhh...”

Dan hushed and mimicked Luke as he put his face to the window. Sure enough, he could see Alex and Phil standing outside, clear as day.

“How did you...?”

“Shhh!” Luke repeated quietly, his eyebrows furrowed and his face concentrated.

Dan decided that Luke could explain later. This was more important. He refocused his ears and tried to hone in on the conversation. Luckily they hadn’t really missed anything.

“You didn’t use to be so quiet, Phil. Why won’t you talk to me?” Alex mocked. At this point he was pacing in front of Phil like a shark did to a wounded dolphin. Every time he got even slightly closer to his boyfriend, Dan flinched. This wasn’t his fight but he wanted it to be. He couldn’t believe that this was happening right now. He couldn’t help but think about how Phil had jinxed the night. He was never going to let the boy say something like that again. Not with the luck they had. “Let me guess, you’ve completely forgot about all the good times we’ve had? You’ve let Dan replace me in that pretty little head of yours?”

Phil was silent, watching Alex like a hawk as he paced before him. Dan could see that he was uncomfortable and it made him hate Alex even more. Not that he needed a reason.

“I’m not a bad guy. I know I’ve made some mistakes but who hasn’t? I want you to know that I really care about you. I care about you more than I’ve ever cared about anyone,” Alex confessed. Dan bit his lip. Alex was lying through his teeth. His stupid, sharp teeth that made his knuckles bleed for a week. “I want to remind you that _I_ was the one that helped you make friends here. _I_ was the one that gave you something to do on those Friday nights. _I_ was the one who made you who you were on Youtube-”

“No you weren’t,” Phil snapped, his eyes narrowing. “You had _nothing_ to do with that.”

“Is that so? You don’t think my channel helped you gain success? If I hadn’t promoted you, you wouldn’t be where you are today,” Alex laughed, the sound making Dan cringe. “Face it, Phil. You would be nothing without me.”

Dan could see Phil’s face falter. He knew so little about Alex and how he had hurt Phil because his boyfriend didn’t like to talk about it. If anything, it was clear now. Dan didn’t need the stories. He didn’t need the history told to him in a play-by-play. Alex was a manipulative asshole and that was all he needed to understand why Phil had struggled with getting out of that relationship.

“Don’t you remember what we were like? We were _perfect_ for eachoth-”

“Were,” Phil repeated, his voice flat. “We _were_ perfect.”

“Exactly, Phil! And what changed? You broke up with me and put an end to our beautiful love. Tell me, don’t you remember loving me?” Alex’s voice softened and it made Dan shiver. He didn’t want to think about his gentle voice, whispering Phil sweet nothings. “You must remember that much. Don’t tell me you forgot the night you told me you loved me. I could never forget your face when you said those words to me for the first time, Phil.”

It was then that Alex reached out to caress Phil’s cheek, his hand getting slapped away as Phil stepped back.

“Well I don’t feel that way anymore,” Phil stood his ground and Alex looked insulted.

“Phil...” he shook his head and put his hands on his hips. “I don’t think you understand. Has that little boy blocked out all the memories? Don’t you remember getting in the hot tub with me on New Years, kissing until my parents came down and told us to go to sleep? Don’t you remember continuing what we started in my bed that night?”

Phil’s face fell, his eyes glazing over. Dan could see his back hunch in a way that didn’t comfort him. Phil was reminiscing. Without Dan standing right behind him, Phil was allowing Alex to finish his sentences completely. Dan trusted Phil’s methods but he still hated the words that were spilling from the evil boy’s mouth. As much as it angered Dan though, he couldn’t possibly understand what was going through his boyfriend’s head. It pained him, but he had to let this play out. Not to mention, if he went out there, it was possible that both he and Phil could get hurt. It was best to leave them alone.

“I remember catching fireflies with you, waking up and laughing when they had all died in the jar we forgot to poke holes in,” Alex kept going, his smile turning genuine. Dan could now see the mask he must have painted for Phil during their relationship. He could almost see what he might have been like before he totally broke Phil’s heart. “Don’t you miss those nights? You can’t say that you don’t.”

“I don’t,” Phil said the words far quicker than Dan expected him to. Especially because he looked so broken up about it. “Alex, we’re over. I don’t miss you. You hurt me. You understand that, right?”

“It didn’t _have_ to hurt, Phil. You didn’t have to break up with me,” he threw back, his eyes losing all traces of fondness. He was back to vicious. “We could have fixed it. We still can, you know? Go back to the beginning?”

He started towards Phil, outreaching his arms and going in for a hug. Dan covered his mouth to prevent the squeal from leaving his throat but Phil seemed to react faster. He immediately pushed Alex back, the boy stumbling and losing his balance. He grabbed onto the side of the house and stabled himself again.

“No,” Phil said, firmly. “I don’t love you anymore, Alex. I won’t ever love you again. I would really appreciate it if you left me alone for good.”

“Tsk tsk tsk, Phil. You know better than to fight me. Remember what happened last time you tried to get your way?” Alex teased, his voice was sharp and it reminded Dan of every bad guy from every movie he’d ever seen. Alex was no doubt referencing what happened to Phil when he tried to end things. He knew because of Phil’s tensing fists and bloodless face. He was angry. Alex went to step closer and Phil lowered his voice.

“This must be your biggest fear, huh, Alex?” Phil spat. The other boy looked shocked and even Dan was taken aback by the comment. Phil had never used that tone with him and he hoped he would never have to. “Being replaced? You’ve always had a thing for hurting others to get your way but I wonder what it felt like to be punched by my boyfriend. That must have stung, huh?”

Alex was quiet, his eyes wide now.

“Is that why you ran off before I could come downstairs? You didn’t want me to see that you lost to the person who replaced you?” Phil was speaking faster now, his fists turning white with rage. “I bet you were _real_ upset when you saw Dan in one of my videos, hm? I’ve never asked you to be in one of my videos. Not once. That must hurt, huh, Alex?”

“Phil. It’s not like you to speak so aggressively...” Alex commented as his power was being ripped away from him. And what was that? _Fear_ that Dan heard in his voice? Phil was stepping closer to Alex now, his tall figure suddenly towering over the frightened boy.

“So then it might be a little _out of character_ for me to tell you to fuck off, yeah? Maybe it’ll be a little _off script_ if I tell you to go sit in a hole and die, Alex. I’m not going to stand here and take this,” Phil was raising his voice and Dan could feel a smile spread on his face. It might not be the best time, but he was so fucking proud of Phil. “We are done. You got that? _Done_. And I don’t want another letter, or phone call, or email. We are _fucking_ done.”

“Phil-”

“And I know you don’t want another broken nose so I advise you get out of here before my boyfriend comes back to check on me,” Phil threatened, Dan’s insides were getting warmer. Phil was threatening someone with _him_? He knew it wasn’t the best of circumstances to be prideful, but he was suddenly washed over with confidence. “Don’t think I won’t go to the police about this. If I so much as _see_ your face again, Alex, I will personally see to your destruction. You understand?”

It was then that Dan felt a wave of relief. He didn’t have to worry about Phil anymore. He could already tell that Alex was at a loss for words.

“You’re o-only delaying our inevitable love! C-can’t you see?” Alex stuttered.

“The only thing I can see is your fucking ego. You clearly don’t understand the word no so let me spell it out for you,” Phil growled. “I don’t care how many memories we made or how much fun we had, it doesn’t erase the fact that you hurt me. You were a shit boyfriend who did unforgivable things and there is no coming back from that, Alex.”

“I’m sorry...I-”

“It must humiliate you to know that I’ve found someone who actually loves me and doesn’t use me as their emotional punching bag, hm? Someone who loves me as much as I love them? It must really get under your skin to know that he’s better than you in every...” Phil stepped closer. “...conceivable...” He was now standing above the boy who now looked so cowardly and small. “...way.”

Alex was silent.

“I’m going to count down from five and when I reach one, I want you down the street. Do you understand?” Phil’s voice wasn’t even trembling anymore. Dan even thought he caught glimpse of a tiny smile that Phil was giving himself. Dan was gushing with admiration towards the man who had taught him everything he knew about confidence. Alex could clearly see the shift. He had lost his power in the situation now that Phil wasn’t afraid anymore. “I said, do you understand?”

Alex nodded and scrambled to back away from Phil.

“Five,” Phil barked, his eyes staying on Alex, not blinking and observing his every move. “Four.”

Alex looked stunned. It didn’t seem like he knew what to do. It looked like this was the first time anyone had ever stood up to him. Phil cleared his throat and Alex seemed to get it.

“Three.”

And Alex was gone. He didn’t even bother to go through the house. He ran off and jumped the fence, disappearing down the street and out of sight.

Phil didn’t stop counting though, almost as if he needed the reassurance that Alex was really gone. Almost as if he needed to count down so that when he finished, Alex would be erased from his mind forever.

“Two...” Phil slumped a little and whispered the last number, the syllable barely making it off of his lip. “One.”

Dan turned to Luke and apologized with a glance, dashing from the bathroom and back outside where he could comfort his boyfriend who was probably in need of a little TLC. He flew open the door and let it slam behind him as he ran up and gave Phil the tightest hug he could muster. He didn’t even realize that his own body was racking with tears until the silence allowed him to hear it.

“I’m so proud of you, Phil,” Dan cried into his chest as Phil looked down at him with surprise. He definitely didn’t expect any praise. If Dan knew Phil well enough, he knew that Phil didn’t like any form of confrontation. Whether it was physical or verbal. “I’m so _so_ proud of you.”

Dan knew it was probably one of the hardest things Phil had ever done and he had no idea how to praise him for it. At least not to the extent he wanted to.

“Are you okay?” Dan asked after not hearing a peep from the boy he was probably suffocating. He tried to pull away so that he could look up at Phil, but Phil’s arms didn’t allow it and that was okay. Dan just nuzzled in further and cried a little more on Phil’s behalf. Perhaps Phil was crying too. He wouldn’t ask.

Minutes went by and Phil finally let Dan pull away slightly, just enough to look up and lock eyes with each other. Dan noticed that the blue specks were clear of tears and he smiled when he saw that Phil’s face didn’t hold any evidence of tears.

“Phil-”

“He’s not going to bother us anymore,” Phil stated. Dan realized then that his boyfriend wasn’t aware that he had heard the conversation at all. Phil had no idea that Dan had witnessed how brave he had been. “I promise.”

“Phil...”

“I love you,” Phil said, not letting Dan speak. Perhaps it was not the time. Perhaps it was better that Phil didn’t know. At least not right now.

“I love you too,” Dan responded, pulling him into another hug. “Are you okay?”

“Never felt better,” Phil said, a smile creeping onto his hesitant face. Dan nodded and took a deep breath. Maybe, just maybe, this night hadn’t been ruined after all.

After another long hug, Phil was ready to go home. Dan couldn’t blame him. He looked just about ready to pass out. They traveled inside and locked the back door behind them.

“I’m going to the bathroom so I don’t wet myself on the way back,” Phil said, his reasoning pretty solid. But after Phil walked away, Dan processed what he said. The bathroom. The window. Luke.

He let his eyes wander until he found the tall ginger that had clued him in on the hiding spot. He walked over and grabbed Luke’s arm, pulling him off to the side. He didn’t have long before Phil returned, but he needed answers first.

“Hey, Luke. Sorry...I just need to know. How did you...?” Dan just gestured to the bathroom, trying to get Luke to understand what he was referencing without having to say it. Luke nodded and sucked in a breath. It seemed he knew exactly what Dan was talking about.

“I’ve known Phil for a while now. I don’t know much about what happened between him and Alex, but I knew them both when they were together and stuck with Phil once they weren’t. I know a bad break up when I see one, Mate,” Luke shook his head. “When I saw Tyler dragging Alex out there, I had to make sure everything was alright. So I went off to the bathroom to check it out. You wouldn’t believe how many outside conversations I’ve creeped on in there. But when I heard them send you inside, I figured you’d be just as worried as I was.”

Dan blinked at him, nodding and taking a deep breath.

“Phil has helped me through a lot. It’s the least I could do,” Luke rubbed the back of his neck. “And perhaps once Tyler sobers up, I’ll clue him in on who _not_ to drag into parties. It’s not his fault, he didn’t know, but _sheesh_.”

Dan laughed and shook Luke’s hand.

“Thank you so much.”

“No problem,” Luke smiled, turning around and returning to the conversation circle he was in prior. Just in time for Phil to come up and lace his hands into Dan’s.

“You ready?” Dan asked him, his eyes filled with wonder and admiration towards his boyfriend.

“Sure am.”


	35. Chapter 35

“I can’t believe we’re actually moving to a real apartment,” Dan said as he folded his towel and placed it into one of the many boxes surrounding their tiny room. “I thought I would be living in University housing forever.”

Phil chuckled.

“You’re telling me! It’s about time I get out of the Accommodation,” Phil was throwing a stack of papers in a large garbage bag.

“Thanks for letting me store my things in your place while I’m at home. It saves me a lot of time and effort,” Dan thanked Phil, inspecting and then throwing him a t-shirt that belonged to Phil. It was the fourth one that he had found in his wardrobe for some reason. Phil grabbed it and shoved it in a box behind him with the others. Phil wasn’t really one for folding his clothes. Dan knew that.

“You’re welcome. You would have to move it all anyways,” Phil nodded and ripped up a few exams that were totally useless to him now. “It feels good to be leaving this place. I don’t know...it’s something about the paint in here that makes me feel like a lion in a cage.”

Dan nodded. Phil was right. There was only one window and the carpets were absolutely nasty. The room was one of his favorite places but now that Phil had ripped the wall decor down and the wardrobes were being excavated, it felt a little small. Much like a prison.

Dan sighed as he folded his last pair of pants, looking up at Phil who was pulling down all of his plaid shirts from the closet. Dan hadn’t realized how many he owned but it was definitely at least ten.

“Phil, how much money would I have to pay you to never wear plaid again?” Dan asked him with a grin. Phil flashed him a look.

“Not enough,” he stuck his nose up and threw a plaid shirt around his neck like a scarf. “I think it suits me.”

“I suppose it does,” Dan laughed, knowing not to argue with Phil’s sense of color.

“How much would I have to pay you to never wear black again?”

“Touché.”

Phil threw his shirts into the box of clothes he was creating and then he walked back over to his closet. Phil stopped and stared at the wardrobe that was nearly empty now and when Dan turned his head to see what Phil was staring at, he understood Phil’s hesitation. The little box that Dan had found almost two weeks ago was sitting pretty on the shelf in the back. Clearly Phil hadn’t touched it since then and Dan was sure that he was afraid to. Dan looked to the floor and picked at his fingernails for a moment, as if to give Phil some privacy to do what he wanted with it. After the party, Phil hadn’t brought up the incident again. Phil didn’t really like to talk about Alex to begin with and it wasn’t really any of Dan’s business anyway. However, Dan noticed that Phil was doing fine, not very effected by the events at all. He was a little quiet that night and Dan held him extra close to comfort him. If Dan could guess, he assumed that their conversation that night had given Phil the closure he needed to move on. Although something like that can linger for a long time and Dan was amazed with how much Phil had grown. Perhaps it was their relationship that kept him so strong. Perhaps Phil was in a better place. It was definitely a step in the right direction and Dan wasn’t going to question it. Everyone has baggage, Dan surely had his fair share, but Phil had a right to deal with his however he pleased. Dan still hadn’t told him that he heard the conversation and it was likely going to stay that way because Phil didn’t seem to want to talk about it. He seemed content and that was all Dan could hope for. Keep it or not, Dan didn’t really care what Phil did with the box. It made Dan sick to think about Alex now and how aggressive he was towards Phil, but he would live. Dan would move forward regardless, treating Phil as he deserved to be treated, just like Alex never did.

He heard Phil move and Dan assumed that he was using Dan’s bowed head to his advantage. Dan heard him grab the little box and walk it over to his packed things. Dan was about to sigh and let it go because he loved Phil and if he wanted something from his past, he was allowed to have it. But instead of hearing the sound of a box hitting the bottom of another box, he heard a series of things fall into a trash bag. Dan’s head slowly rose as he looked at Phil.

There was a moment of silence and Phil was looking into the trash bag with a face that Dan wasn’t sure how to read.

“You didn’t have to-”

“I did,” Phil interrupted as if he knew exactly what Dan was going to say before he even mentioned it. “It was time.”

Dan didn’t want to react because he knew he was biased. All of those memories were probably painful to kiss goodbye but he was absolutely ecstatic that Phil was taking Dan’s opinion into accommodation. Dan nodded as if to signal just that and Phil nodded back, continuing his process of throwing things into boxes.

They had both scheduled their trains for 8:00pm which gave them plenty of time to pack and get things together. In fact, after only about four hours of working, they were reaching a finishing point. Phil took a shower while Dan finished folding his clothes and then they alternated. The only thing left to unpack now was Dan’s desk drawers and he was groaning about it. Phil had woken him up rather early to give the RA their keys. They were supposed to have moved out early in the morning but the RA had given them an extension so that the moving truck could come grab all of their things that afternoon.

“Phil, why did we undress the bed first?” Dan complained, lying on the sheet-less bed that no longer had its mattress pad. It was much less comfortable than it had been that night.

“Well because if we left it on, you would have fallen asleep hours ago and I would have had to pack up everything myself,” Phil answered. Dan knew he was right but he groaned again and put his face down against the mattress. He mumbled something inaudible and Phil just laughed. “What’s left for you to do?”

Dan just pointed at the top desk drawer which was sitting open and a little ajar, then he lifted his finger and pointed to a box on top of the desk that was nearly full. Phil laughed and Dan could hear the drawer opening. His sweet Phil was going to do it for him. Dan turned his head so he could at least watch the other boy do the task.

“You are so lazy,” Phil shook his head and reached in to grab a wad of papers and pencils from the drawer, craning it over and dropping it into the box on the desk. “And don’t come crying to me when you lose some-”

Phil stopped when he looked down into the drawer to grab the next batch of items. His hand reached into the drawer and delicately picked something up. His eyebrows were raised and his eyes looked soft. He was looking at the object in the way he sometimes looked at Dan. Dan was desperate to find out what he was looking at and it wasn’t until Phil lifted his hand that Dan could see the cause of this little reaction.

The first flashcard that Phil had created for him, the card with the little purple and yellow boxes on it sat in-between his trembling fingers. The card read _Case Law_ on the front and Phil looked like he was reading it over and over again. Dan sat silently and watched him, the blush on his face totally evident.

“You...you kept this?” he asked quietly, the corners of his mouth turning up slightly. Dan reflected upon that day, remembering the decision to keep the card. It was mostly to remind him of how he passed his law exam but now the feeling that he had in his stomach that day made sense. The feeling that this card was going to be important one day. The feeling that _Phil_ was going to be important one day.

Now that he thought about it, this card meant more than just the passing of a law exam. It meant more than just an aid for study. It was a symbol of how much he had changed. The night that he wrote that card, he was a law student, a straight male and he hadn’t had a best friend for the first 18 years of his life. Everything had changed and that card proved it.

Dan didn’t answer Phil’s question because it seemed rhetorical. Of course he kept it. There it was. In Phil’s hands.

“You...kept this,” Phil said again, rather than posing it as a question. He was just staring at it and Dan was caught off guard when the boy lifted his head and looked up at Dan. It would have been awkward if he didn’t say anything so he stumbled something out.

“Y-yeah. I just...I don’t know, thought it might be important to have...ya know, later,” Dan stuttered, trying to smile but with his head against the mattress the way it was, it looked more like a silly face. Phil paid no mind however and his next intake of breath was choppy. Dan wasn’t sure why this was affecting _Phil_ the way that it was but after throwing away plenty of memorabilia a few hours ago, Dan kind of assumed it had something to do with that. Phil wouldn’t look away from Dan though and he placed the card gently on the tabletop, stepping closer to Dan who was just looking up at him.

“Dan, you’re amazing,” Phil told him, petting the top of his head and brushing the hair from his eyes. Dan closed them but when Phil knelt down to his level so that their eyes could meet, Dan opened his own and they were greeted with a pair of blue ones blinking back at him. Dan wasn’t really sure what to say in response to that compliment which he received from Phil many times a week. He just did what he normally did and smiled back at the, for some reason, teary eyed boy. “I just can’t believe that I have someone like you, Dan. Someone so thoughtful and...amazing.”

“You already said that, Phil,” Dan bit his lip and raised an eyebrow. He wasn’t good at much, but picking on the way Phil said things sometimes was a genuine hobby and he knew that Phil loved it. The smile that came across Phil’s face afterward was precious and Dan didn’t have much time to think before the other boy was leaning in and grabbing Dan’s lips up into a kiss.

Dan had kissed his boyfriend hundreds of times before at this point, his lips all too familiar to him. Dan knew exactly what angle his tongue would enter his mouth from and how hard Phil usually pressed their faces together. But this kiss, _this kiss_ , was different. Dan’s eyes shut as he felt Phil’s lips on his, the older boy releasing a warm breath of air from his nose and onto Dan’s face, his mouth absolutely melting into Phil’s. He didn’t know what Phil had done or what was different, but he was falling in love with him all over again. All the stress about leaving and going home to a family he wanted to be nowhere near disappeared. Phil was the only thing on his mind and they were kissing forever. It never ended. The kiss went on for a minute but Dan swore it was a year.

Dan was sprawled on the naked mattress, belly down, but at some point, without his knowledge, he had flipped over and allowed Phil to climb on top of him. He was suffocating in the best way. Phil’s hands were all over him, his tongue invading his mouth and his thoughts, his body flush against his and only getting closer each second. Dan was overwhelmed but he never wanted it to stop. Phil was a diamond in Dan’s life full of rocks and he had never seen something more beautiful than the boy who had given him everything.

Kissing and kissing, they lost track of time. But time didn’t matter. Not to them. At some point, Phil discarded Dan’s shirt and that triggered the loss of the rest of their clothes. The skin on skin contact was everything Dan needed to breath, feeling the other boy’s chest rising and falling on top of his own. There were no words that could give him the same feeling as this moment. He knew what Phil was trying to tell him without even having to ask.

Phil slipped his hand down Dan’s body and shortly after he felt the warmth of a hand around his cock. Dan hadn’t even noticed how aroused he had become, his tip leaking slightly with precome. Phil collected it with his thumb and slid it around Dan’s tip. Dan arched his back and opened his eyes for the first time in minutes. Phil was looking down at him with a face of accomplishment. Dan knew how much he loved to get him off. Phil fed off of Dan’s responses and he wouldn’t stop until Dan gave him what he wanted. But as Dan’s eyes met Phil’s, he had a momentary flashback from the party the night before. Phil’s eyes that matched his blue plaid shirt, piercing into his own brown ones lovingly. He remembered the moment Phil lifted the cup - that had also been blue, up to his mouth to drink and he remembered how much he had drowned then. Head completely under the blue blue water of Phil’s eyes. But it was the good kind. The kind of drowning he wanted to do over and over again.

Then Dan remembered why Phil had brought the cup to his lips in the first place. He remembered the Never Have I Ever game that led them to that moment. The way Phil challenged the room with his own words as well.

_Never have I ever been given a rim job._

The phrase echoed in his mind as he threw his head back against the bare mattress. Phil’s hand moving faster. His mind went back to the internet search he had done in order to find out exactly what it was that Phil hadn’t done. This only made his cock pulse in Phil’s hand, a appreciative moan escaping the elder’s lips.

He remembered Tyler’s drunk string of words that Phil didn’t drink to. The ones that made his cock twitch even then as he thought about the possibilities to please Phil.

_Never have I ever been tied to a bed._

Maybe it was because everything up until this point had been so sweet and gentle or maybe it was because Phil’s hand was wrapped around his cock and he was already close to blowing his load, but the phrases repeated themselves in his head until he broke the kiss that he could tell Phil was enjoying to look him in the eyes. He let the fire in his stomach fuel that look and immediately could tell that Phil received the message. Phil stopped and removed his hand from Dan’s member, and Dan was sure that Phil was confused but he shut his mouth and waited for Dan to make the next move.

Dan subtly glanced over to the open box to his left, eying the tie that he remembered Phil so conveniently placing on top of all of his clothes. He looked back at Phil and grabbed Phil’s hips, gently guiding him off of his body. Phil brought a hand down to his own erection and stroked it a few times as Dan sat up, his erection painfully hard, knowing that Phil was watching his every move. Without understanding how he managed the confidence, Dan got up, grabbed the accessory and turned around just in time for Phil to understand what was going on. He could feel the weight of his own erection and each time he moved a leg, he felt it bob. Phil could definitely see the mischievous look in Dan’s eyes, the smirk spreading across his face and Dan swore he saw Phil gulp with his own slight smile. He hoped that Phil remembered his admissions the day before, wanting to do something to Phil that nobody else had.

Dan reached out and gently collected Phil’s wrists into his hands, bringing them up and above his head. He rested his hand upon Phil’s hip, turning the boy around and landing him on his stomach. Phil lifted himself up slightly on his knees so that his cock hung freely between the mattress and his body. It had just enough room to bounce enticingly for Dan. Phil was breathing heavily, probably because he had been sucking face with Dan and wasn’t really thinking about needing air. Now, as he took each breath, Dan could hear his nerves building.

Dan wasn’t a dominant person in the bedroom. So far, he thought of their sexual encounters to be quite equal. At first, Phil would show him what to do and then Dan would mimic it and figure out on his own how to please the older boy. This time however, Phil hadn’t shown or told him what to do. He hadn’t held Dan’s hand to guide him. He was going to do this for Phil without any prompting whatsoever. And Phil wasn’t going to know what hit him.

He brought Phil’s arms up to the headboard of their stripped bed, tying his wrists together just tight enough to keep them from getting out and then he used the leftovers from the tie to attach the older boy to the furniture itself. Phil was craning his neck to look up at Dan with wonder and a teasing grin. Dan could see Phil’s cock leaking from the tip and grinding up against the bare mattress. Dan bit his lip and made a mental note to clean that afterward - or at least flip it over. He reached over and tugged on the tie to make sure it was firmly in place. After determining how secure his little bondage act actually was, he climbed onto the bed himself. He crawled on top of Phil, pressing his own body down onto Phil’s perfect arch, making him hum quietly. Dan’s cock had slid perfectly between Phil’s legs and he hissed when he felt how sensitive his cock had become. Phil had really worked him up. He loved the noises that Phil was making though and he just wanted more. More more more. So he gently pressed a kiss to the nape of Phil’s neck, then another on his shoulder blade, and then another on the center of his back. The kisses were leaving little wet marks on Phil’s many freckles which gave Dan shivers to think about. He wanted to kiss each one with care, vouching to do that one day when he wasn’t so painfully turned on. Phil noticed how gentle the younger boy was being and he arched up into his touch. Dan kissed him back down and he slid his hand around Phil’s side and underneath him so he could grab his throbbing cock. Phil moaned at the contact and Dan shuddered because Phil sounded so good.

He kept gently stroking as he kissed quicker down the older man’s body. He could feel Phil’s skin flinch when his lips made contact to it and it made it even better that Phil had his face buried in the mattress so he couldn’t see Dan’s actions, he could only feel them.

It was when he reached Phil’s arse that he slowed his kissing and stopped stroking. He removed his hand from Phil’s cock and placed it on one cheek to mirror the other. He kissed the top of Phil’s crack slowly and softly, trying not to think about what he was about to do. He wanted to do it. He did. He just didn’t know where to start.

Phil clearly didn’t know what was going on because he just remained quiet and still until Dan made his move. Dan went for it. He placed his mouth right on Phil’s hole and started to lick at it. Phil literally jumped. It was probably the last thing he expected Dan to do. The moan that elicited from his throat out of surprise made him smile against the hole he was lapping around. Phil actually whimpered and Dan only spread his cheeks further in an attempt to open Phil up more.

His nose hit Phil’s ass as he started to let his tongue tease inside the hole, stretching it the tiniest bit. He started slowly, building up spit in the area, thrusting his tongue in and out. His tongue was swirling and with each dip, Phil letting out beautiful moans that made his cock throb with desire.

Phil was unwinding beneath him and Dan wanted to give him more. Something he could scream about. He removed his left hand from his partner’s cheek and reached under to mess with Phil’s tip. It was leaking immense amounts of precome and if Dan hadn’t known any better, he would have assumed Phil had already come. He was flicking his tongue in and out of Phil’s hole faster than he could have imagined being able to, when Phil spoke up for the first time in about a half hour.

“D-Dan...?” he mumbled into the sheets as Dan stroked him with a tight grasp. “P-p-please.”

Dan didn’t know what Phil was begging for but he liked it. He kept going, thrusting his tongue deeper into his boyfriend’s hole, feeling it pulse around him. He had so many fears and worries about what this was going to be like, none of them here now. None of it mattered. Just Phil moaning beneath him and his tongue working it’s magic.

“Dan...Dan...” Phil’s little whimpers were everything. Dan slowed so Phil could catch his breath. But Phil used the little moment of air to his advantage. “Dan...p-please...fuck me. Please Dan. Please.”

He was begging. Begging for something that Dan had never been asked to do before. Phil _never_ used that word. And when he did, he did it with such little connotation to the word’s exact meaning.

“You want me to what?” Dan asked with his mouth over Phil’s hole. The vibrations were driving Phil crazy the boy was squirming beneath him. Dan felt drunk on power. He wanted to hear Phil say it again.

“F-f-” Phil started, but when Dan lifted his right hand up to Phil’s hole and slid the very tip of his finger inside along with his tongue, Phil lost structure of his sentence. “F-f-f.”

He tried again but as Dan stroked him lightly with one hand and fingered him with not only his tongue but his digit, Phil didn’t stand a chance.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t hear you,” Dan’s voice cracked as he lifted his head from the other boy’s body, allowing him a moment’s break.

“P-please Dan...” Phil panted. “Please fuck me.”

Dan grinned as he looked at Phil in front of him. His arms forced above his head, his head hung against the mattress, every inch of his skin covered in a thin sheen of sweat. He didn’t need any more consent than that. He removed all of his contact with Phil and heard a small wince at the loss.

Dan hopped off the bed and walked over to the box he remembered packing the lube, then he popped the cap as he climbed back on the bed. Phil heard the cap and just the sound alone made him spread his legs wider.

“Oh Phil, you look so ready for me right now...” Dan stared at his beautiful boyfriend who was just waiting for him to stick something, anything, inside of him. 

Dan poured a considerable amount on his pointer finger and he guided it to Phil’s hole. Immediately the contact made the older boy melt, his knees beginning to shake. Dan didn’t want to waste anymore time so he stuck the digit in as far as it would go without giving him any resistance. Phil moaned loudly and Dan shuddered in response. More. He wanted more. He bent down and licked at Phil’s hole as he thrusted his entire finger in and out, tasting the cherry flavor on his tongue.

“You taste so good, Philly. So good,” Dan moaned, seeing if he could get Phil to moan again. The nickname left his mouth with ease and when the other boy just whimpered at Dan’s comment, he decided he must ready for another. "You want more, don't you Philly?"

Phil just nodded and Dan lubed up another finger, sliding it in slowly to join the other. Phil hadn’t been stretched in a while, obviously, but he was enjoying it a lot more than Dan had the first time. He was probably much more used to it. But as Dan twisted his fingers in and out, he remembered the spot that did it for him. The spot that made him scream when Phil so much as touched it. He thrusted a few more straight thrusts and then he gently curled his fingers in an attempt to find Phil’s special spot.

He either had the greatest luck in the world or Phil’s prostate was dying to be found but Phil’s scream told Dan that he had found it on the first try. Phil clenched his hole around Dan’s fingers and Dan felt his own cock twitch. He needed to take Phil and he needed to take him _now_. He wasn’t sure how long he would be able to last without it.

Distracting Phil with his prostate, Dan managed to get another finger inside him. It was a stretch and Phil winced a little but it was followed by a moan that Dan couldn’t interpret in any other way than pleasure. He used his other hand to spread massive amounts of lube onto his cock, wanting to make sure he didn’t hurt the other boy - after all, he had never done this before. Not to anyone.

Phil was muttering nonsense and Dan was losing control quickly so he got up on his knees and let his fingers leave the pulsing hole they belonged in. Phil whimpered and he actually turned his head to look at Dan behind him. He must have been getting impatient and Dan couldn’t blame him. But this choice wasn’t a good one because Phil all but crumbled at the sight of Dan standing over him with his throbbing cock in his hand.

Dan thought about what he was about to do for a moment and swallowed. A few weeks ago, their roles were reversed. He liked it so much that he figured he would never get here. It was something he never knew he wanted. _Never new he needed._ He looked at Phil who was breathing erratically as he pressed his tip to Phil’s hole.

“Ahhh...” Phil let out a combination of a scream and a moan that could have shattered Dan as he slowly pushed his cock inside of the moaning boy. He bottomed out and then sat still for a moment, able to feel Phil’s walls pulsing around him. It was incredible. Unlike anything he had ever felt before. Phil was warm and comfortable but pulsing and hot at the same time. Dan waited for Phil to stop breathing so irregularly before he considered thrusting in any capacity.

Luckily, he didn’t have to wait long because Phil was backing into Dan as best as he could. He was raising his bum in the air and giving Dan no choice but to start. He reached down and grabbed Phil’s sides with his lube covered hands, rocking the other boy’s amazing hips onto his own cock. The feeling was unreal.

“Oh Phil...” It didn’t take long for Dan to start moaning as well, covering up Phil’s tiny grunts as he fucked him with everything he had. He wanted Phil to feel it even after he got on the train home. He wanted Phil to wake up in his own bed, throbbing because of _his_ cock.

“Dan...Dan...Dan!!” Phil started to shout Dan’s name because even Dan couldn’t believe that he was fucking Phil so hard. He could hear the slapping of skin but paid it no mind because Phil was so sexy beneath him. Dan leaned forward and wrapped his arms around Phil’s chest, still thrusting but now at a different angle. His head now right against Phil’s neck and Phil’s breaths giving him something to thrust for. “I-I’m gonna...I’m gonna come.”

Dan could barely hear him but it was just loud enough for Dan to catch, speeding up his thrusts slightly and giving Phil a nibble on the neck. His bottom half was moving without his knowledge and his vision was getting blurry. He closed his eyes and just focused on fucking into Phil. He was going to finish with him. He had to. Phil clenched his hole and Dan knew that was when he lost it. He felt the older boy collapse underneath him, timing his high perfectly with Dan’s. Dan squeezed Phil’s chest tightly and in that moment he intended never to let go.

“Ooooh fuck, Phil...” he exhaled, feeling himself come inside of Phil’s pulsating hole. He lifted himself slightly so that Phil could have room to breath his exhausted breaths and he took the time to look down at Phil. Phil looked back at him with his mouth open and his eyes half shut. That look that Phil gave him, the one where his eyebrows went up almost as if he was concerned about something, along with the melted smile that told him nonverbally that Phil _couldn’t believe that just happened_ made Dan smile. Not just a little smile, no, a smile so big it was almost uncharacteristic. Aimed right at Phil. He was having so much fun and God did he love Phil Lester. Phil Lester all fucked out underneath him. The only Phil Lester he ever wanted to see underneath him. His Phil Lester.

Dan gently lowered himself onto Phil when he felt that the older boy didn’t need the space to breath. Phil moaned a little at the movement it caused and Dan mumbled a little “sorry” because the last thing he wanted was to hurt the boy he just made love to. But instead of responding with an “it’s okay”, Phil laughed. He let out one of the most angelic chuckles that Dan had ever heard. The sound was raspy from the moans and his laugh was higher, most likely because Dan was lying on him, but nonetheless, Dan could feel it radiating from his entire body. This boy was perfect.

“I love you, Dan Howell. I love you so much,” Phil laughed, bringing his eyes to tears. For a moment, Dan thought Phil was going delusional but he remembered when they first had sex, Dan felt the same way. He was totally and madly in love with Phil and this only proved it further. He could feel himself shrinking inside the other man but he didn’t want to pull out until he absolutely had to. He wanted to be connected to Phil like this forever.

Of course, due to Dan and Phil’s nature, a glorious moment like this could not go without interruption. There was a very brief - not very brief, a _non-existent_ knock on the door, followed by the entrance of a chattering Louise.

“Dan and Phil, I just need to tell you how terrible it is that I won’t be seeing you for-”

Dan and Phil _scrambled_ to get covered but every sheet they owned was folded and packed away neatly. The only thing they had within arm’s reach was a pair of Phil’s blue and green boxer shorts. Of course this would happen now. Dan should have expected it by now. Of course Louise would-

Oh God. Phil was tied up. He couldn’t cover himself even if he tried. Dan just pushed Phil up so he was sitting, tossed the boxers over Phil’s crotch and hid his own sticky, wet junk behind Phil with the rest of him.

Louise just stared at them with her eyes wide and her never-ending smile faded. She literally dropped the cell phone she had been carrying.

Silence.

For at least 20 seconds.

Agonizing silence.

Dan felt his whole face go red hot and Phil looked terribly uncomfortable with his arms tied together like they were.

“Why...the actual flittering fuck...was the door unlocked?” Louise stuttered out, not able to look away from the two who were now just more embarrassed about their bodies being exposed than Louise catching them in the act.

“Why the fuck didn’t you knock?” Dan yelled back in response. He wasn’t even mad, he was just confused as to why the door hadn’t been closed. Phil was just looking down and away from both of them.

“I did knock!” Louise argued but for some reason she was not leaving. “I swear I knocked! You must not have heard me because you were doing... _that_!”

She gestured towards them and Dan shook his head.

“Then why did you come in? If nobody answered!”

“I twisted the doorknob! I always twist the door knob!” Louise crossed her arms and tapped her foot. “It’s just never actually open.”

“Why the fuck was it open?” Dan turned to Phil. He had to leave a blissful moment for this. Someone was going to pay.

“The keys,” Phil mumbled, his arms twisting uncomfortably in an attempt to get out from his bond to the bed. “We turned in the keys this morning.”

“Huh?” Dan and Louise both blinked at him.

“They unlock the door when you turn in the keys. Just in case you step out and can’t get back in,” Phil explained. Dan and Louise both silently stared at Phil.

“So I thought you were the bottom, Dan?” Louise said, looking into Dan’s grimacing face.

“What do you want?!” Dan asked her, frustrated as all get out but she had already seen them, she might as well get what she came for.

“I was just popping by to say farewell. I moved all my things out earlier today and just got back from a lunch with the parents. I heard you were still here and I just had to say goodbye until next year!” She carried on as if they weren’t sitting naked a few feet from her. “You two must be glad I didn’t bring the family over just now. Whoo! That would be _awkward_!”

“And this isn’t?” Dan muttered under his breath.

“Well as you can see...we’re a bit tied up right now...”

“Literally!” Louise giggled at her own joke. The boys did not.

“If you could give us a minute, Louise?” Phil asked kindly, gesturing to his crotch with his eyes. Dan nodded, hiding behind Phil a little more as she moved towards the door.

“Alright, but please...at least wash your hands,” she grimaced and looked at Dan. “Cherry huh?”

Phil flashed Dan a look and Dan just groaned as the door slammed behind Louise.

“Ugh! Why? Why why why?” he tried to bury his face into Phil, but he wasn’t wearing anything to bury into so his face just hit Phil’s semi-sticky flesh. “What did I do? What about _me_ gives people the idea that they can just...do _that_?”

Phil chuckled nervously, tugging at the tie around his wrists.

“I mean seriously. Some people. Jeez,” Dan sighed, looking at the door. “You know, if I walked in on two people fucking, I wouldn’t just stand there and-”

“Dan?” Phil interrupted gently. Dan stopped talking and turned to him. “Will you please untie me?”

Dan blinked at him for a second, falling back down to earth and dropping his rant.

“Oh, right,” he slid off the bed and went for the necktie around Phil’s wrists. “Sorry, Phil.”

“That’s okay,” Phil said kindly. He looked absolutely exhausted. To be fair, so was Dan. All he wanted to do was lie there with Phil for a little bit, relaxing and enjoying their last few hours together. But no. Not today. Not in this life.

As soon as Phil was free, they both fished around for something to cover themselves with. Phil put on the clothes that he had shed before they began but Dan found an entirely new outfit to wear. Just in case Louise could smell the arousal on the old stuff. He knew it wasn’t possible but right now Louise was his biggest concern. She 100% just saw his dick.

They both washed their hands, straightened their hair and then opened the door to find Louise slumped against the door with her phone in her hand.

“Oy, finally! You boys said a minute. It’s been like three!”

“Sorry, Louise,” Phil smiled politely and stood slightly in front of Dan so he couldn’t lunge at her.

“You better be,” she smiled and turned to the black haired boy. She seemed to drop the anger immediately and went in for a hug. Phil wrapped his arms around the shorter lady, nuzzling her head a little the way he usually did with his chin. Dan waited patiently for his hug but Louise was really milking this out of Phil. Almost as if she was doing it on purpose to annoy Dan.

Yeah, maybe he was a little peeved. He had a right to be. What friend does that? What friend stands and yells at you, after walking in on a private moment? He cleared his throat.

“Aww, Howell. Are you getting jealous?” she let go of Phil who gave her a polite smile, migrating over to Dan’s pouting stance. “Don’t worry. I wouldn’t let Phil leave you for me. No matter how much he wants it, right Philly?”

Dan cringed at the use of the word so soon after their little moment. Louise winked at Phil and he saw the other boy cringe as well. But of course, he wasn’t going to say anything. It was almost over. Almost. Just a few more seconds of agony and they could go back to being alone for a few hours.

“Come ‘ere, Howell!” she pulled him into a hug. “I’m going to miss picking on you.”

“I’m not,” he mumbled and she just laughed like it was a joke, which Dan supposed it was. He didn’t have the energy to fight it.

“Please keep me updated on anything big this summer, alright?” she stepped off of Dan and stood in front of them both. “I love you both very much. And thank you for the chocolate yesterday! It was delicious.”

“You’re welcome, Louise,” Phil answered. How in the world did he keep so calm? Dan was absolutely loosing his shit. He tried so hard to emulate Phil’s kindness and understanding but his passiveness only infuriated him more. “Have a good summer.”

She waved to them with her dainty hand and turned on her little yellow heels as she skipped off and down the hallway. As soon as she disappeared from sight, the boys walked into their room. Dan let the door close behind them with a slam and he just stood there with the emptiest of expressions on his face.

“What the _hell_ is wrong with her?” Dan asked, not believing the situation that just played out. He was totally dumbfounded. “Seriously. She’s got a screw loose.”

Dan took a deep breath and looked at his bare feet on the carpet. A few moments later though, another pair of feet joined his view and he looked up at the boy who was smiling at him.

“What?” Dan asked, catching the smile and letting his form gently across his face.

“That was the sexiest thing...” Phil kissed Dan. “...you’ve ever done.”

“What was? Yelling at Louise?”

“No,” Phil put his hands on Dan’s hips and pulled him closer. “You tied me to the headboard and fucked me senseless.”

“I-I did, yeah,” Dan smiled at Phil’s use of the f-word. It still sounded strange coming out of his mouth. His mouth that was only inches from his face. “Did you like that?”

“Did I _like_ that?” Phil laughed, kissing Dan again. “Did you hear me?”

Dan smiled and nodded, blushing a little now because he had done exactly what he wanted to do to Phil. Phil was going to remember this forever and that was exactly what he wanted.

They cleaned up their mess with some hot water and a little bit of soap, ultimately flipping the mattress over and calling it a day. They rearranged the furniture to it’s original place, lamenting over the lack of character it left. Phil got the call from the moving people who were going to drop everything unessential at Phil’s apartment and everything was soon cleared out. Now it was just Dan and Phil and their carry on bags.

“You ready?” Phil asked, taking Dan’s hand and opening the door.

“Yeah,” Dan grabbed his suitcase and swung his backpack over his shoulder. “Let’s go.”

The two traveled to the train station and arrived a whole thirty minutes before their trains were scheduled to come. It was at this moment, standing in the middle of the train station, that Dan kind of chuckled.

“What? You moped the whole way here. Now you’re laughing?” Phil collected the younger boy’s hands in his own and bringing their foreheads together. “You’re impossible.”

“It’s just-” he looked around and then back into Phil’s eyes. “This is a bit of a cliché isn’t it?”

“How do you mean?” Phil swung them softly side to side.

“Well here we are, two lovers in a train station, about to say goodbye for a long period of time,” Dan bit his lip. “Seems a bit... _storybook_ , don’t you think?”

“Storybook?” Phil laughed and separated their foreheads. “Well that’s boring.”

“No seriously! What makes us different from say...” he looked around and found a couple, girl and guy, sitting on a bench with their eyes locked on each other. “That couple over there?”

Phil turned and looked at them for a moment and then returned his gaze to Dan.

“Well, for one, I would never let you wear that hideous dress,” Phil joked, making Dan laugh.

“Well I hope not.”

“And two,” Phil bit his lip. “They aren’t us. Daniel Howell and Phillip Lester!”

He let go of Dan’s appendages to put his left hand over his heart and his right in the air.

“The Royal Prince and his Trusty Stranger!” Phil declared, giving Dan a comforting grin. Then he used his hands to make little claws and opened his mouth wide to form a rawer. “A Lion and a Bear!”

Phil pulled Dan in suddenly for a kiss and Dan let his eyes fall closed in the other boy’s grasp.

“You see, Howell. We’re nothing like a storybook. A storybook has an ending. A place where the story ends and the characters stop existing,” Phil said quietly and carefully. “Us, Dan and Phil, we have no ending. We are forever.”

Dan’s chin quivered.

That was the moment reality hit Dan and he was no longer just standing with someone at a train station saying goodbye for now. He was standing at a train station, looking at his entire world, about to get on a train that would separate him from happiness. He watched Phil’s expression change from happy to sympathetic, his eyebrows going up, and allowed himself to be pulled into Phil’s embrace.

“Aww. Dan, it’s okay. It’s only a little while,” Phil pet the younger’s hair. “Then I promise. I promise I won’t leave you for longer than two weeks ever again.”

Dan let himself sob into Phil’s now damp t-shirt. He was devastated. He was going to miss Phil _so_ much. There was nothing he wanted more than to hop on Phil’s train with him, following Phil till the end of the earth. But he knew he couldn’t and that was why he was crying. He was crying because he was not ashamed anymore. He didn’t care who knew how much he loved Phil because he did. He loved him so much. Enough that he could literally feel his heart throbbing and screaming _don’t go._

“Phiw,” Dan cried into Phil’s chest, not sure how else to articulate how he was feeling. Phil must know how he felt. The older boy just stood there shushing him and petting his hair. Honestly, Dan couldn’t have asked for anything more.

It was minutes before he felt himself finally calm down. Phil patiently holding him and letting him cry. Once he felt like there were no more tears, he lifted his head slowly, eyes meeting a smiling Phil.

“It’s going to be okay. We can Skype. All the time,” Phil told him for the millionth time. Dan knew this. But that didn’t make it any better. He hadn’t been more than mere miles away from his boyfriend the entire time that they were dating. This was going to be torture. And it wasn’t just that either. Dan felt like himself around Phil. He felt like he could accomplish anything. Standing by his lonesome in front of his parents and telling them that he wouldn’t be returning to University in the Fall was going to be impossible without Phil standing with him.

He didn’t want to tell Phil all that now though. He also had a feeling that he already knew. The way Phil held him was everything, helping his cheeks dry and his blotchy face clear.

Phil put his hands on Dan’s shoulders and pulled the boy about a foot from his own chest, putting some space between them. Before Dan could protest, he looked at Phil’s kind and loving face, understanding that the space was not because Phil needed it, but because Dan did.

“Are you going to be okay?” Phil asked with a look of fear behind his eyes. “I can’t let you get on that train if you aren’t okay.”

Dan sniffled.

“ _Man_ this is harder than I thought it would be...” Phil half smiled and pushed his hair back in frustration. He looked around the busy station and then back to Dan’s slumped form. “To think I was just going to kiss you goodbye and then hop on a train. You are right, Dan. This is nuts.”

Dan nodded, wiping a rogue tear from his cheek.

“I’ll tell you what,” Phil bargained. He was trying to stay peppy for the both of them and Dan felt bad. But Phil was like this. He was good at this. Dan needed it now more than ever. “Maybe you can come up to Manchester for a few nights. I’ll be moving into my new apartment and once you tell your parents you’ll be living there too-”

Dan’s face fell.

“Oh,” Phil realized why Dan was freaking out. “You’re worried about your parents.”

Dan stayed silent. Phil just grabbed him again.

“One step at a time. Okay?” he kissed the younger boy’s forehead and mumbled an “I love you” into his hair. “We’ve got time to sort that out.”

Dan nodded and sighed into Phil who rocked him gently.

“Now as much as I want to stand here forever, I need to get to my platform,” Phil reminded Dan of their true reason of being here. It wasn’t just the last place he was going to see Phil for a while, it was an actual train station with giant metal tubes that took you far away from your loved ones. Dan stepped back an inch and looked at Phil with big brown eyes.

“I love you,” he said clearly, wanting to make sure Phil remembered the way he said it.

“I love you too,” Phil pulled Dan back and enveloped him into a kiss. The kiss was salty and Dan didn’t know if it was because of his feelings or the actual tears that were falling from his eyes. Phil didn’t seem to mind and they hugged for a long minute. Phil pulled away and Dan fought it, but Phil wasn’t walking away. Instead, he shrugged off his jacket, the one he wore nearly every day and wrapped it around the teary eyed boy in front of him. Dan looked down and saw the wet spot he had just left with his tears. He looked up at Phil who was smiling and nodding, implying that Dan could keep it for the time being. Dan almost cried again and Phil pulled him into another extended hug.

They finally separated, Phil stepping back and letting go of Dan’s hand as he walked to a staircase that led to a separate train.

“Oh and Howell?”

Dan turned.

“Text me your address so I can send you something,” Phil winked and ran off rather quickly. Dan checked the time and realized he barely had time to make his train. He hoped that he hadn’t made Phil late for his own.

When his train arrived, he got on and sat in a corner seat, away from everyone else. He pulled out his phone and saw that Phil had already texted him.

_Phil: And by the way, sitting on this train is going to be super uncomfortable thanks to your little surprise today._

Dan giggled and put his hand over his mouth. At least he left Phil with something.

_Dan: Oh darn. You’ll just have to be uncomfortable. Meanwhile, I have a comfy jacket. :P_

He sat back and swaddled himself in the jacket he felt no guilt in taking and leaned his head against the window as the train pulled away. _  
_


	36. Chapter 36

He arrived home late that night - or rather early, and his parents were already asleep. He entered the house with a key he forgot he had and dragged his belongings up to his room. The house was dark, but from what he could see, he barely recognized it. He assumed his brother would be asleep in the room next to his own so he made sure he was quiet as he crawled into bed. He texted Phil to let him know that he had made it safely, ending the text with a clingy _miss you already._ Dan couldn’t be bothered with dignity. He just wanted to be with Phil. He fell asleep rather fast. Traveling had exhausted him and he was going to need his rest for the next day.

When he wandered downstairs in the morning, his mother almost dropped the bowl of soup she was holding.

“Oh Blimey!” she exclaimed, flustered. “Daniel! I didn’t know you were back.”

“Yeah...I came in last night,” Dan mentioned, kicking himself for not letting his parents know. His Dad would surely be mad. He just figured they would have assumed. They knew when the school year ended.

“Oh, well it’s nice to have you back, Honey,” his mum put down the bowl on the counter and wrapped her arms around him. He was just a little taller than she was now which he hadn’t noticed at Christmas. Maybe he had grown. “Your brother is away at summer camp. I’m sorry, I’m sure he would have loved to see you.”

Most likely not. His brother didn’t really care about him. Not really.

“You’ll see him before you go back to school though,” his mum smiled. “Never mind that. How was your semester? All A’s just like last year?”

Right. He hadn’t told her about that class he totally failed.

“Yeah,” he laughed nervously as he reached for a box of cereal in the cupboard to mask the fear of her finding out. “Just like last year.”

Now was not the time for that conversation. Dan was still rather exhausted and going through a significant amount of withdrawal. Being away from Phil was taking more of a toll on him than he thought it would.

“That’s my boy,” his mum praised, ruffling the hair on his head as he poured some Cinnamons into a bowl. “Oh your father is going to be so happy you’re home!”

“Yeah?” Dan doubted that. Especially because he forgot to warn them.

“Of course, Honey. Let me call him right now!” she went to go grab the house phone.

“No!” Dan stopped her, he wasn’t sure why he was so afraid. He just wanted to prolong the family catch up time that would inevitably happen if his Dad rushed home from work. He needed to prepare. “W-wouldn’t it be better if it was like a surprise or something?”

Well he pulled that out of his ass.

She stood there with one hand on her hip and the other on the counter, looking at him.

“I guess so...” she was skeptical, but knowing her, she wouldn’t question it. “So what have you been up to, Dear? How was the semester? Have you met any new friends?”

Dan spooned a heaping pile of cereal into his mouth and stopped chewing when she asked about any friends. He knew she would ask about that. He was never the most social of people. He just smiled and chewed faster, signaling that he needed a second. At least it bought him some time to think about a response.

“Yeah, a couple. It’s been a good semester,” he couldn’t tell if he was lying or not. Yes, he had met new friends. A boyfriend at that. And yes, he had fun. But he failed a few classes and he was not going back to that hell hole.

“That’s wonderful, Dear,” she smiled and nodded. “Your brother has done well on his prep school exams. So you should congratulate him on that.”

“I will, Mum,” Dan nodded. His brother didn’t want Dan to congratulate him on anything. He was pretty sure of that.

“At this rate, he might get into Manchester as well,” she joked proudly, sipping her soup. “Wouldn’t that be just perfect?”

Dan tried to hide his horrified expression as he nearly choked on his cereal.

“Y-yeah.”

This conversation was going to be a lot harder now that he was being compared with his brother. Even if he was only nine.

“You know, Mum...” Dan collected his cereal bowl in his unsteady hands. “I’m still really tired and I think I may have caught something from my classmate. I’m just gonna go finish this bowl up in my room.”

“Are you sure, Honey? I can make you some tea?” she offered, a look of concern flashing across her face. Dan didn’t like lying but this was a lot to deal with while he was still barely awake. He had forgot his phone upstairs and he really really wanted to text Phil.

“Yeah. Maybe later,” he told her, not wanting to turn her down completely. “Thanks for the chat.”

“That’s okay,” his mum said. She didn’t seem to suspect anything really. It’s not like he was acting unusual. This was pretty much how Christmas break went anyways.

When he made it to the top of the steps without spilling his bowl, he smiled because he pictured Phil doing the same thing and how poorly that would have ended. Cereal would have gone everywhere. As much as that boy loved his milky breakfast meal, he couldn’t control his motor skills.

Instead of being desperate and texting Phil again about how much he missed him, he decided to tell him about exactly that. His cereal.

_Dan: Just walked up a flight of stairs with a bowl of cereal. Bet you couldn’t do that without spilling it everywhere._

He laughed at his own jab and sat on his bed to finish his breakfast while he waited for a response. He was almost done with his bowl by the time he actually got something back.

_Phil: Jokes on you, I don’t have any cereal. :P_

Dan felt bad because he knew how much Phil loved cereal but just hearing from the other boy made him feel better.

_Dan: Well if you weren’t so far away, we could share._

_Phil: I know. :(_

_Dan: I miss you._

_Phil: It’s been less than 24 hours, Dan._

_Dan: I still miss you._

_Phil: I miss cereal._

_Dan: I could send some in the post. But it might be soggy by the time it gets there._

_Phil: Still better than no cereal. I’ll send you back some Lester family pancakes in return._

_Dan: Better than the soggy cereal I hope._

_Phil: What’s your address anyway? I’ll write you letters like in Wuthering Heights._

_Dan: You hated that book._

_Phil: So?_

Dan sent the other boy his address, smiling at the thought of getting a handwritten letter from Phil Lester. Nobody had ever taken the time to handwrite letters to him, except for his grandma of course. Dan sighed and put the empty bowl on his floor and then lied horizontally on his bed as Phil told him he had to go do some family errands. He put a pillow over his head and shut his eyes hoping it would make the time go faster but he just ended up drifting off to sleep again. This was going to be a long summer.

 

-

 

It had only been a week and a half since he had been home but Dan wondered how biology could explain the physical pain he felt in his chest when all he wanted to do was be with someone. It couldn’t be possible to feel this way about a person. He had never experienced this kind of longing and it was honestly scaring him. Sure, the two ended up Skyping for at least five hours a day but it was never enough. Dan never wanted to hang up. Usually, he would stay on Skype with the other boy all evening, even as he was drifting to sleep, and he would wake up later in the night to see that Phil had hung up and gone to bed. He preferred it that way because he could never bring himself to hit the _end call_ button.

He also never took the jacket off.

While Dan was moping around his house and avoiding his family, he would keep Phil company as the older boy applied for some jobs around Manchester. The process was extensive and Phil was stressed a lot. It didn’t make their long distance relationship any better because Phil had actual adult things to do while Dan was just trying to figure out what he wanted in life. While Phil was gone with his family or stressing about finding a job, Dan was brainstorming. He had really given this _making videos_ thing some thought. It would give him the freedom to work on his own time, help him express himself to other people, and it would help get his mind on track for something better later on. Plus, it would give him something to do while Phil was finishing up his last year at Uni. All signs pointed to yes, but there was just one problem. _What would he make videos about?_

One afternoon, while his parents were out with some neighbors, he sat at the kitchen table and tried to think of some good ideas. He had a blank piece of paper in front of him and he had a broken pencil which he compulsively picked at the eraser of. He was making a mess but he swore it added to the creative process. Phil was off somewhere with his family and hadn’t answered him for hours so he was no help and Dan felt determined to do something by himself for a change. He had come to the realization that yeah he missed Phil, but if he couldn’t make videos on his own, how was he supposed to tell his parents about dropping out of Uni on his own?

After an hour of staring at a blank sheet of paper and procrastinating with eating yoghurt, he started to jot down a few things. He had spent a lot of time watching videos that already existed on Youtube so he could get an idea of where to start. And once he got the pencil going, he actually found it hard to stop. He was getting somewhere. Phil was right. Dan might actually be able to do this.

Before he knew it, Dan was standing in his room, assembling a tall stack of DVD’s and books to place a laptop on top of. He had seen the Myspace pages, the other Youtubers and every celebrity ever, knowing that the angle from above was the best. He tilted his laptop’s camera down at himself and took a deep breath. Phil did this all the time. It couldn’t be that hard. He wanted to do this. He needed to do this. After psyching himself out for the millionth time and convincing himself it would be fine, he finally hit _record_ , beginning the video that he hoped would change his life.

After months of watching Phil edit his videos, he had picked up a few things about video making. He was obviously rather shit at transitions and he wasn’t sure how to cut things from the beginning of clips, but after three wholesome hours of messing with terribly long and drawn out footage, he finally came away with something he actually felt a little bit proud of. Or something Phil might be proud of him for. He checked his phone again only to see that there was still no response from his busy boyfriend. It was getting late and Dan was getting rather tired. He looked at his computer, locating the saved .mp4 file that now sat on his desktop among his useless papers from that semester. He hesitantly opened up Youtube and typed in his password for his unused channel. _Danisnotonfire_. He stared at it for at least ten minutes, debating whether or not to post it now or wait for Phil.

As supportive as Phil had been during this whole endeavor, Dan had kind of felt like a burden to his boyfriend who had been working so hard in an attempt to get a job and a career lined up for after graduation. Now that he was home, he kind of felt bad about how much trouble he was during the school semester. Phil was patient and always knew what to say, but it occurred to Dan that he was definitely distracting the older boy from his duties as an almost graduate. Dan didn’t want to be the reason Phil slacked on his hunt or didn’t remember something important. As tough as it had been, he was _trying_ to do this on his own so that Phil could focus on Phil. Phil didn’t even _know_ that Dan had spent the day making a video in the first place. And ultimately, that was the deciding factor for Dan. He would upload the video and let Phil find it on his own time. When he was ready to look at it. It would be a nice surprise and Dan wasn’t trying to make a big deal out of it anyway.

He clicked on the daunting red button and typed into the box:

HELLO INTERNET

Seconds after he finalized the upload, he began to worry. What if it wasn’t a good video? What if Phil hated it? Oh God, what if he just uploaded the most embarrassing video he’d ever created on the web? What would he do then?

To calm his nerves he remembered how he felt when they uploaded PINOF. He was nervous then too but that ended up okay so this would as well, right? Phil said so. He forced himself to take a few deep breathes and he checked his phone for the millionth time hoping to see Phil’s name, but without any luck, he lied down and stared into space until he accidentally fell asleep next to the dim light of his laptop.

 

-

 

The Skype ringtone was what woke him that morning. It was barely 9:00am and he opened his eyes at his bright screen next to his head. He had forgot to turn off his computer and his phone appeared to be dead. When he finally adjusted his eyes to the screen and saw that it was Phil who was calling, he tried his best to fix his hair but it was no use. He didn’t want to keep Phil waiting so he hit accept and waited for the older boy to show up on screen.

“Dan?” Phil’s voice seemed to echo in his relatively empty room. Dan just groaned in response, trying to signal that he had just been asleep. Come on, it was a Sunday morning. Phil should know that he didn’t get up earlier than eleven. “Dan!”

“Whaaat?” his voice was muffled in the pillow which was beneficial because his voice was deep and croaky. It was too early for any conversation.

“Dan! I saw your video!” Phil exclaimed. Dan’s eyes shot open. Shit. The video. So he hadn’t dreamt it. It was very much real and Phil had very much seen it. He rubbed his eyes with his fisted hands, trying to ease himself into reality a little more. Phil was trying his best to be patient but it was clear he wanted to talk faster than Dan was able to comprehend. “It was amazing! I can’t believe you actually did it!”

Dan chuckled a little and looked at Phil’s grin. Clearly it was a success in the eyes of his boyfriend.

“Do you really have all those ideas? Is that true?” Phil asked him, clapping his hands together. “I can’t wait for more! Your videos are going to be great!”

“You really think so?” Dan asked quietly and meekly. He hoped that Phil wouldn’t make fun of his morning voice.

“Yes! Dan! I’m so proud of you!”

Dan didn’t know that was what he wanted to hear, but once it left Phil’s mouth, it was clear by the smile on his face that it was the only compliment that he needed.

“You are?”

“Yes! You’re going to be an awesome Youtuber,” Phil got closer to the camera and rubbed his nose on it. Dan missed Phil’s nuzzles and it only made him miss the boy more. “How come you didn’t tell me you were working on it?”

“I uh...it was just kind of a spur of the moment thing,” Dan took the compliment and relaxed his head on the pillow as he answered the question. He hadn’t meant to insult Phil and he hoped that he hadn’t. “It just kind of happened.

“You should go see how many views you have,” Phil suggested, not seeming to mind Dan’s little surprise. He was biting his lip.

“Well I don’t really think it’s going to have that many...” Dan opened up his internet browser and navigated to the Youtube page, then to his video. “I mean, after all, I just start- _what the fuuuck_?”

Dan was looking at his video and there were nearly 500 views already.

“Wh-wh-” Dan stuttered, rubbing his eyes again. “Wh-how?”

“So as a welcome to the Youtube community, I may have sent a little tweet out. Just to let people know that you exist. Nothing huge,” Phil was still biting his lip and now looking at Dan with his beautiful blue eyes.

“Oh my God I could kiss you right now,” Dan said, appreciating what Phil had done.

“I wish you could,” Phil winked, looking down afterward however, the thought of missing his boyfriend probably hitting him as much as it was hitting Dan.

“Thank you, Phil,” Dan said, trying to keep both of their minds off the distance. “I couldn’t have done this without you.”

“Well all my subscribers are constantly asking me to upload more videos with you. Now they can stop harassing me and start harassing you,” Phil leaned forward and gave Dan a playful smirk. Dan scoffed.

“No pressure.”

“We’ll have to make another video soon. Maybe one for your channel this time,” Phil suggested. “We can call it, _AmazingDan_!”

“Sounds good,” Dan agreed. He would agree to anything right now. He was so happy.

As he was staring into Phil’s eyes, which looked even bluer because of the screen’s reflection, he realized that Phil was not sitting on the familiar blue and green bed sheets like he usually was. He was sitting against a white wall and Dan couldn’t see where he was exactly.

“Hey, where are you anyway?” Dan pointed to the screen. He knew Phil’s house, he had spent a lot of time there. He wasn’t sure he recognized the white wall from anywhere that Phil liked to sit.

Phil opened his mouth but before he could answer, Dan heard his name being called from the downstairs. At first, he thought it was his imagination because it was still rather early, but after he heard his name a couple more times he realized that he was expected to respond or his mother was going to come barging in there.

“Yeah?” he shouted, Phil surprised by the outburst. “What do you want?”

“Could you come down here, please? I’ve made breakfast! And we have Marmite!” his mum yelled up the steps. He sighed.

“Yeah, I’ll be down in a second!” he called back, rolling his eyes. “She wants me to go down for breakfast.”

“Yeah...” Phil was kind of snickering. “I heard.”

“What?” Dan didn’t understand. He looked down at the t-shirt he was wearing but there was nothing on it. He looked behind him but there was nothing there. “What’s so funny?”

“You like _Marmite_?” Phil couldn’t hold in his laugh and was now sticking his tongue out of his teeth like he did when something was _really_ funny. “How have I not known this?”

“Oh shut up. I don’t mind it,” Dan lifted his arm and threatened to shut his laptop. “You’re an ass.”

“I’m sure I am,” Phil smirked. “Now go eat your Marmite.”

“I will. And I’ll like it,” Dan stuck his tongue out and was about to end the call but Phil stopped him.

“Wait, Dan?”

“What? I’m already late for breakfast,” Dan rolled his eyes playfully as he pretended to be in a hurry. He knew that his parents would give him a second. After all, they assumed he was still asleep when they had called him down.

“I have some news for you when you get back,” Phil looked like he couldn’t hold in his smile. He was excited about something and Dan wanted to know what it was right away. But he didn’t have time so he lingered there for a moment, trying to read his boyfriend but he gave up and he sighed.

“Bye, Phil.”

Dan didn’t even bother ending the call. Smiling at the camera, he just shut his laptop and got out of bed. He threw Phil’s sweatshirt on over his t-shirt because his downstairs tended to run on the colder side as he bounded down the stairs and into the kitchen. He stopped when he saw _both_ of his parents at the table.

The first night he had arrived, when his father came home, they had all sat and watched a movie, enjoying each other’s company. Ever since then, his Dad had been hard at work and his mum had been rather busy with her social life. She had a book club that she ran and had friends that needed her help rather often. It had been a full week and a half since Dan had talked to his parents for longer than a few minutes. He was grateful for that much. Both of his parents knew that he was a rather quiet person and didn’t bother getting asked or answering questions, but he knew that they would get to this point sometime. They would call him down and ask him all these questions that he didn’t know how to answer. And he had a feeling that today was that day. This morning was that morning. He gulped as he took his seat. For anyone else, this was just a normal family breakfast, but for him, this was the most anxious he’d been in a long time.

The problem with these questions, was that he already knew that 90% of them were going to be about school and next semester. He didn’t mind answering questions about his friends, as long as they didn’t ask for too many details, his generic answers would do. But for academics, he would have to lie and he had no real desire to do that. Not to his parents. In the end it would serve him no use. He would lie and then have to have that conversation about dropping out later. And the lies would make it ten times worse because he’d eventually have to back out of all the things he had lied about while in the process getting in trouble for lying in the first place.

Which meant, that the conversation he had to have with his parents was happening now. At 9:30am on a Sunday.

His mother came up from behind his father and set down a plate of eggs and bacon. She smiled as she gestured to the plates, signaling for them to dig in while she went to grab a few more things. It all smelled very good but Dan couldn’t focus on the food or his rumbling stomach because he was too nervous about what was about to leave his mouth. He let his father go first, not wanting to say anything at all yet. He decided he would wait until his parents brought it up.

“So Daniel,” his father started. Well. He wasn’t going to have to wait long, was he? “Tell me about your classes this semester.”

A simple question. What were his classes like? That’s easy. He could describe a few of them.

“Um...I took a Maths class, Algebra that is, a French class, you know, because I took it in high school...” he struggled to remember his class schedule. He had tried so hard for the past week to block it all out. “Oh and a History of Law class which was-”

“History of Law?” his mother piped up from the kitchen. She was grabbing them some knives for their toast. “That sounds interesting.”

“Y-yeah,” Dan looked into his lap. “It was kind of cool.”

“Well you better get used to it! You’re going to be a Lawyer for Pete’s sake!” his father joked, laughing easily as his comment left his mouth. Dan hoped his fear wasn’t showing though his facial expressions. “I’m sure you gave your class a run for their money, then?”

“Um...”

“Oh Sweetheart, you’ve always been good at school!” his mother chirped at him and then turned her attention to his father. “Honey, did you hear that he got straight A’s again this semester?”

She was finally sitting down and helping herself to a serving of eggs.

“Well done, Daniel,” his dad said with a mouthful of food.

“Eat something, Darling! There’s plenty here!” she handed him the serving spoon from across the table and Dan reached out to grab it. He really hoped that she couldn’t tell he was shaking a little as he served himself some eggs and then a piece of toast, grabbing the Marmite off the table.

“Thanks,” he mumbled, trying to be polite.

“So what are your plans for the summer?” his mother asked, looking at him as she cut her bacon up into pieces on her plate. Dan watched and silently wished that he could have been the pig. Morbid, yeah, but better than the conversation he was flung into that morning. “Are you going to get a job to save up a little money?”

“Yes, and what about next year? Have you spoken to your advisor about work study?” his father asked in addition to his mother’s queries. “I know you didn’t work this year but it’s time you start. Really, it’s never too early to start saving up. Soon you’ll have apartment expenses and-”

His dad’s sentence stopped when he forked a piece of toast into his mouth, making a vague gesture with his hands to symbolize that Dan should understand what he was getting at.

But Dan was frozen. They had gone into this conversation purely on their own and much faster than he could ever imagine them to. Who was he kidding? He could never prepare for this. He was going to have to speak up or this was only going to get worse. Much much worse. And he was going to have to watch it happen, slowly and painfully.

“Perhaps you could call some of the local law firms and see if they have any intern openings,” his father continued on after he swallowed. Dan wasn’t sure how many more times he could hear them say the word law without completely losing his appetite. “Oh! I might have a buddy at a firm up in Manchester. What was his firm called...? Bramingtons? Braminghams? ”

Uh oh.

“Maybe he would let you inter-”

“Guys...” Dan cleared his throat and his heart stopped. He hadn’t been saying much and the moment he spoke up, they stopped talking. At least he didn’t have to fight to get a word in. “I uh...have to tell you something.”

His parents didn’t look worried in the slightest. In fact, they looked interested. They wanted to hear what he had to say. They just sat patiently and ate their breakfast, waiting for whatever it was that he had to tell them. He would have to do it quickly though and he was running out of time to think.

“I’m uh...” he closed his eyes and took a quick breath, hoping his shaking wasn’t obvious and he didn’t look like a tremendous weirdo. “I’m uh...having a little trouble.”

“Trouble?” his mum suddenly jumped in. She seemed to hone in on the words of distress. Dan kept his gaze in-between his two parents who now looked a little concerned. He was suddenly really glad his brother wasn’t here to add to this conversation.

“I’m sorry, Mum. I lied to you the other day,” he bit his lip, testing the waters. He knew she wouldn’t like that but it seemed to be the only place he could think of to start. She was silent so he kept going. “I didn’t get straight A’s this semester...”

He spoke slowly, gauging their reactions. Nothing troublesome so far.

“In fact...I did rather poorly in a few of my classes,” he admitted, still trying not to look them directly in the eyes. They remained quiet. At least they knew that pestering him wasn’t going to get them anywhere. “I didn’t tell you because I was ashamed...and I uh...I-I...I don’t know if going back to school next semester is a good idea...”

He spit out the last of the sentence as fast as he could because he just needed it out of his brain. Now he wished that he hadn’t put on the sweatshirt. It was getting awfully hot in there.

Silence. His parents were looking at him like he had sprouted extra heads. It appeared as if they were having trouble comprehending the words that had spilled out of his mouth. He wished that they would at least say something to him. Anything so that he could tell how they were feeling about all of this. But when they didn’t say anything at all, he just kept going. He hoped that explaining more would help. He was going to have to be open about his feelings if he hoped to get anywhere with them.

“It turns out...I’m not very good at the school thing. And it was...hard,” Dan sounded like a wimp but only he and Phil knew that wasn’t what it was. “And not the kind of hard where you just work a little more to get it...I mean...I was just miserable. I don’t even know what I want to do...but it’s not-”

He gulped. Here goes nothing.

“It’s not law.”

Even the sound of forks against plates stopped. His parents looked at each other and it seemed they were having a conversation with their eyes. Dan was itching to know what it was they were talking about but he was probably about to find out.

“And I tried. Trust me I _tried_ ,” he laughed a little at his misfortune, trying to break how awkward this had become. The silence that filled the room had gotten thick and Dan felt like he could choke on it. “I even got help from a fellow student, to study. But I just can’t. I can’t do it. Not now at least. I just don’t know if school is good for me right now.”

He had said everything he was meant to say. He didn’t know what else he could add without the knowledge of what they were thinking behind those parental eyes. So he stopped and hung his head, not wanting his parents to see the hot tears that were forming in the corners of his eyes.

“Daniel,” his father said, his voice forcing him to look up. His mother got a glimpse of Dan’s emotion and actually gasped. He thought he could see her face wilt with sadness. Clearly she hadn’t expected this. Nobody wants their son to be so upset. He hadn’t meant to make her feel bad. “What is it that you were struggling with?”

“I-” Dan thought about it for a moment. It was a valid question. “I just don’t see the point in going to school if I have no direction. I talked to a friend about it and he agrees.”

“And what did your friend say exactly?”

“He told me that my happiness is worth more than a degree,” Dan relayed, trying to hear Phil’s comforting tone as he repeated the advice. Channeling Phil was really the only thing keeping him together. “There’s just no point in spending money on education that I don’t even know if I’ll use.”

“How old is he?”

“He’s a senior this year.”

“And what is he doing?” his dad had started eating again, grilling Dan on his friends didn’t seem relevant but he figured being honest was best.

“English. He’s majoring in English.”

His dad was silent again, chewing slowly and carefully. He seemed lost in thought. This was when his mother decided to speak up.

“So you’ve made some good friends then?” she actually seemed happy about that. Leave it to his mother to pull out how Dan had made a friend while he was talking about leaving school. He couldn’t blame her though. He hadn’t really shown any social signs in the past and maybe just the fact that he was talking to other people would convince them to let him do what he wanted.

“Yeah. Some really good friends,” he kind of smiled, thinking about Louise and PJ and Chris. And Phil. He played with his own fingers, pretending that they were Phil’s. He thought about how Phil would hold his hand and squeeze when he got too afraid. He was trying to be brave.

“So are you suggesting you drop out?” his dad put bluntly. Dan gulped again, not liking the sound of that.

“Well, maybe not exactly. I was thinking that taking a year out would be a good idea,” he said softly.

“A year out...” his dad pondered. It wasn’t a _no_. So that was something. “What would you be doing?”

“Well,” he started hesitantly. “My friend, the one who has been giving me advice, told me I could live with him in Manchester for the next year. That way I could find a job or something in the city and see where it goes from there.”

“Your friend offered you a place?” his mum didn’t even try to hide her shock. He would have been offended if he hadn’t known how terrible his friend-making skills have been in the past. If he had told his past self that someone had offered him a place to stay, he would have laughed. “What is this friend’s name?”

“Phil,” Dan answered, maybe a little too fast. The name was just right there on the tip of his tongue. It felt so good to say it out loud.

“Phil,” she repeated, committing it to memory for sure. She was probably thrilled, but didn’t want to show it because her husband was right there and of course, education came first. She just smiled to herself and let her spouse keep going.

“And does your friend work?”

“Sort of.”

“Sort of?”

“Well,” he started, his palms sweating again. This was going to be tough to explain. “Right now he’s looking for a city job. But at the moment, he makes videos for Youtube. And they pay him a little bit of money to do that.”

“Youtube?” they both looked confused. Neither of them spent a lot of time on the internet. He knew that.

“Yes. A video sharing site,” Dan tried to explain without making it seem like his boyfriend produced porn for a living. “It’s for creative people. He’s really good at it. Has over one thousand subscribers.”

They both took a moment to look at each other again. They needed to stop doing that. It was stressing him out.

The thing about his father was that he used to be a DJ and a special effects maker for films. He was all about the creative path, or at least used to be. His father had since stopped doing those types of jobs and found himself a more stable one when Dan’s brother was born and their family had grown. Dan assumed that if anyone would get it, his father would.

“And is he paying for the apartment by himself?” his father asked, obviously caught up on the financial aspect of things. Dan could have predicted that. “Will you be paying for this apartment as well?”

“He signed the lease before he asked me to move in. But I was going to get a job since I won’t be in school-”

“ _Might_ not be in school,” his dad corrected. Dan looked at his father’s threatening glance. He hesitated.

“...I was going to get a job since I _might_ not be in school. Which would allow me to pay for some of the rent as well,” Dan finished, hoping that made his dad happy.

“When I was in University,” his dad started. He seemed contemplative but Dan couldn’t tell if it was a good or a bad thing. He was looking at his mother as he continued to speak. “I was very young and I felt like things were less important. Academics, a career, financial stability...”

He turned back towards Dan.

“And it took me a while to find my track in life. I had to go through a few jobs before I was able to give you boys a good stable life,” he explained. “I don’t want you to make the same mistakes as I have, Daniel.”

“I don’t think I’ll be-”

“Do you know why I overlooked those important things, Daniel?”

Dan stayed quiet. He didn’t. But he was sure he was about to find out.

“It was because I met your mother,” he admitted. Dan didn’t see how that was relevant to him. “And sometimes if you find something distracting enough to shift your priorities, it can really impact your life.”

Dan still didn’t see where this was going.

“Daniel, have you met a girl that might be influencing your decisions?” his dad asked bluntly.

Oh.

Dan actually laughed. He laughed out loud. He wasn’t sure why because it wasn’t even that funny, but he shook his head. Yes, he had technically met someone, was dating someone even, but it wasn’t a girl and for some reason, just the _thought_ of him dating a girl was something that humored him. At this point, he couldn’t even picture it.

His parents looked affronted by his reaction.

“N-no,” he laughed, waving his hands in a denying manner. “No, there is no girl. I promise.”

He wasn’t _lying_.

His dad looked at him for a moment and then looked back at his mother.

“Are you absolutely sure that you that want this?” he asked Dan, turning his look of confusion into a look of intimidation. “This is the kind of thing that could affect you negatively in the future.”

“I honestly think it would affect me negatively if I keep doing it, Dad,” he said sadly, hoping that his tone was getting across. Hoping that they knew he wouldn’t be coming to them at all if he wasn’t 100% sure that this is what he wanted.

After a long moment of silence and a few glances between his parents, his Dad nodded slightly.

“Alright. One year out,” he said sternly. Dan had to keep himself from flying out of his seat. “But we will have to discuss your living situation. I don’t know how I feel about you living with someone we don’t know. Perhaps I could find you some housing with a colleague in Manchester.”

Dan wasn’t going to get hung up on that just yet. He was just going to take what he could get. At least for now.

“Thank you, thank you, _thank you_ ,” he said to them, smiling because of the relief he felt washing over his body. He didn’t have to go back to school and this conversation hadn’t been that bad. He made it out on the other side alive and that was all that mattered. “I love you so much, guys.”

He never said those words. Rarely to them anyway. The way his family expressed love was tougher than most families he knew but he wanted to show them how much he appreciated their kindness. They were his parents after all. They ultimately wanted what was best for him. Luckily they could see that he needed this.

His appetite had returned and he started to happily munch on the eggs in front of him. He nodded.

“These are really good, Mum,” he said with a mouthful. Again his parents exchanged a glance, this time a pleasantly surprised one, and she thanked him for the compliment on her cooking. “Do you guys want to hear about what I did over Spring Break?”

The next hour was devoted to him telling his parents about his school adventures, the ones that he had neglected to tell them prior this point. He felt far less stressed about school now which for some reason made it simpler to talk to them about other things. The constant reminder that he had been disappointing them was a real block on his ability to speak to them. Now that everything was out in the open - well mostly everything, it was much easier. Not to mention, he had been working hard on his ability to talk to people. He could feel the difference in confidence that surges through him when he spoke. He explained who his friends were, describing their group dynamics. He even told them about how Phil had moved into his room in order to save him from a dreaded French exchange student. They laughed at his little socially awkward jokes and seemed semi-surprised that he was actually talking to them. Or talking in general. His mother almost choked on her food when he told her that he actually attended a few parties with his friends. They asked him questions about Louise, joking about how she seemed like she could be _the one_ which Dan kind of went along with. No harm, no foul. He skipped over the fact that he and Phil were dating, but he was entirely truthful otherwise. His parents seemed to enjoy his sudden burst of openness. It was uncharacteristic but he needed to prove somehow that they had made the right choice. He was willing to sacrifice a little of his privacy to gain their trust. Not to mention, he was actually having fun.

They finished up the rest of their breakfast and Dan cleared the plates from the table with a smile. Before Dan ran back upstairs to let Phil know how it went, he walked up to his mum while she was doing the dishes and thanked her one more time.

“Well it’s better to have a mid-life crisis when you’re still a teenager than when you’re 50 and it’s too late,” she commented light heartedly. “I believe in you, Honey. You’ll figure it out.”

Dan hugged her and then nodded in his Dad’s direction before darting up the stairs and shutting his bedroom door.

 

-

 

“Wow! No way!” Phil chuckled when Dan told him how he had an hour breakfast with his parents. “Am I going to have to expect flying pigs then?”

“I’m serious! I told them all about University and Louise...and you,” he mentioned, blushing a little. He had Skyped Phil back the moment his parents left for some barbecue they had been invited to. He was holding the printed documents that he needed to sign and send off to Manchester. His left hand was holding a pen and he was just about ready to sign the dotted line. He wanted Phil there for support.

“You told them about _me_?” he asked, shocked. “You mean like... _us_?”

“Oh God no! Phil, are you kidding me?” Dan looked at his computer screen as he attempted to give Phil the _what the hell are you thinking_ face.

“Well after how successful this morning was, I don’t know!”

“Yeah but my sexuality is different. I don’t think I’ll ever tell them. Not this summer anyway,” Dan said sadly. He didn’t want to push his luck.

“But they were totally cool with you taking a year out!”

“Not without a fight, Phil,” Dan sighed. “You should have seen the way my Dad was looking at me. But really this is because of you. I told them about you and your adult job and your adult apartment. They like you already.”

“Speaking of which, I have a little surprise for you,” Phil said, smiling and jiggling around a little. He was excited about something and Dan just remembered how much he wanted to hear about it. After Dan told Phil all about his breakfast, he wanted to hear what was making Phil glow the way that he was. “It’s kind of a big deal. So don’t freak out.”

“Okay. Go on then,” Dan was getting excited now. He didn’t even know what for.

“I finally heard back from a few jobs,” he started. “And I got an offer for one that I think I would be stupid not to take.”

“What! That’s great! What’s the job?” Dan was thinking about the places Phil had applied to. Most of them were either editing jobs, marketing internships or random odd jobs that Phil thought were kind of “funky”. Nothing he remembered Phil applying to seemed to fit _that_ description.

“BBC Radio 1 offered me a slot on air on Saturday nights as a Radio DJ! Dan I’m going to have my own radio show!” he exclaimed, blowing Dan’s mind.

“What?!” Dan sat up straight and his jaw dropped. “That’s incredible! Phil! Congratulations!”

“That’s not even the best part, Dan,” Phil told him before he could get even more excited. Dan was amazed. “Their office is right down the road so I don’t even need to take a bus or anything. _And_ every now and then I’ll get to travel to London, to their bigger station, and they’ll pay for the whole trip! You can come if you’d like, I actually asked.”

“You _asked_?”

“Well of course. I said that I don’t travel without you,” Phil smirked into the camera when he saw how red Dan’s face was getting.

“And-”

“There’s more?”

“And guess where I am _right now_?” Phil added, pointing to the white wall behind him. Dan tried to think of the possible places he could be and then it hit him. The moment it did, Phil spun the camera around.

“Look! We have a breakfast bar!”

“A _breakfast bar_?” Dan grinned. “I am sexually attracted to breakfast bars.”

“Are you?” Phil spun the camera back around as he stood up from his squatting position.

“I am,” Dan watched as Phil put the laptop down on the bar so that the camera could face his kitchen. “But wow, Phil I didn’t realize you were going back to Manchester so soon.”

“Yeah, I had an interview yesterday. That’s where I was. I’m sorry I didn’t get back to you much,” he apologized but Dan could hardly care. He was too busy imagining his life there with Phil. “But now I’m just unpacking some things into our bedroom.”

_Our._

Dan blushed and he nodded.

“I should warn you, this apartment sometimes makes some strange noises,” Phil looked around. “It’s a little creepy but luckily I am brave.”

“I wish I could be there so you don’t have to be brave.”

Dan put his chin into his hand. His heart hurt.

“I miss you,” he said quietly, admiring Phil as he put his chin in his hands in front of the camera.

“I miss you too, Bear,” Phil said with a comforting voice that Dan missed. He missed a lot of things about Phil but his voice was by far the thing he missed the most. Even though he could hear him over Skype, it was nothing compared to the real thing. Phil whispering into his ear at night, telling him how much he loved him and running his fingers through his hair. It was something that no Skype call could emulate. “You know what else misses you?”

“Hm?” Dan left his train of thought as Phil pivoted the camera again. “Your piano.”

There, on the opposite side of the room was Dan’s piano. The one that Phil had worked so hard to obtain. Dan wasn’t even sure how he managed to move that into the apartment but he wasn’t going to question it. Phil had done it for him and for that he was eternally grateful. He just stared at the screen and tried his hardest not to cry.

“I can’t wait to hear you play,” Phil said, picking up the laptop and carrying it over to the instrument. He lightly stroked a couple of the keys, accidentally pressing one.

“Yeah? How come?” Dan put the documents he was meant to sign on the floor next to his bed. He would take care of them later. He was too engrossed in checking out their apartment to bother with official documents. “Do you think it’s sexy?”

“Yeah. Totally seduce me with your piano playing,” Phil went along with the joke and played a few more terrible notes.

“Phil! Phil! Stop! You’re ruining the piano,” Dan chuckled and looked around his room. “Hang on.”

Dan got up and grabbed the little keyboard his parents had bought him when he was very little. It was plastic and shitty but it would get his point across. He sat down in front of the camera and played a short riff for Phil, making the other boy pretend to moan in pleasure.

“Was that hot?” Dan asked him, throwing the keyboard to the side.

“Yeah. I’m totally turned on right now,” Phil looked down and raised his eyebrow. He was now carrying the laptop across and down the hallway, situating himself in the bedroom where he sat the laptop on the mattress. He was laughing and now so was Dan.

“Same. I could totally have sex with Mr. Tonberry right now,” Dan reached over and grabbed the small stuffed animal. He pretended to make out with the thing until Phil cleared his throat. “What, Phil, are you jealous?”

“Of course I am! You’re cheating on me with a _Tonberry_!” Phil pretended to be shocked, his hand covering his face. “I can’t believe you!”

“Well if you aren’t here, what am I supposed to do with my two foot long glowing blue penis?” he said as he noticed the lava lamp on his dresser a few feet from him.

“What?” Phil looked confused now.

“Want me to get it out?” Dan asked, getting up to grab it. He took the cylinder and placed it under his shirt. Getting back into the camera frame, he leaned down and winked at Phil. “Get ready.”

Phil sat back and bit his lip, placing his hands on his lap as Dan lifted his shirt slightly to reveal the blue cylinder that belonged to his lava lamp.

“You see, Phil? Look what you’re missing!” he wiggled around and moved the lamp accordingly, laughing when he saw Phil lean in and lick his lips.

“You want to see what _you’re_ missing?” Phil asked him, looking around the room. Dan nodded and placed his lava lamp on the floor, returning to his perch on the bed. He watched as Phil stood and left the frame for a moment. He was probably off to grab something phallic. Dan waited until he saw Phil come back in the frame, his button undone and his fly slowly being pulled down. There was something shoved in his pants but Dan couldn’t tell what it was. It wasn’t until Phil had unbuttoned his pants and dropped them to the floor that Dan realized this was no longer a joke. There wasn’t anything in Phil’s pants that wasn’t of his own biology. Phil stuck his hand right into his boxer shorts and before Dan could react at all, Phil had his cock in his hand, stroking it gently and smirking down at the younger boy whose mouth had fallen open.

“Come on, Dan. Tell me what you’d do if you were here with me right now,” Phil teased. Dan stuttered but after he grasped what was happening, in less than a minute, he also had his hand around his own cock and they were stroking in unison to each other’s scenarios.


	37. Chapter 37

He had been home for one month exactly and he was starting to get real fed up with his home town. There wasn’t much to do, his parents were rarely home, he had no real friends and it was rare that he even left the premises. He spent most of his days Skyping Phil and playing countless hours of Guitar Hero. He made a couple more videos, trying to form some sort of style. He watched TV and played through Final Fantasy twice, growing more and more bored as the hot summer days continued.

He was used to boredom. His brother had never really been old enough to entertain him so he often found himself playing alone. But being away from Phil was another thing entirely. Skype was fine but it wasn’t the real thing. He wanted to hug his boyfriend. He wanted to kiss his boyfriend. He wanted to fuck his boyfriend, none of which was happening. Luckily, the Skype sex was good and they did talk pretty much always, but it just wasn’t cutting it for Dan. He thought he was going to go crazy.

One morning, he woke slowly to the sound of pots and pans in the kitchen. It was a Tuesday and his mother usually made breakfast for the two of them around 10:00am. Their relationship had improved since that particular breakfast and Dan actually enjoyed the one-on-one time he got with his mum. Not to mention, she was thrilled with the fact that Dan was finally speaking. Dan hadn’t realized the things he didn’t know because he didn’t talk to his parents regularly.

He started to get out of bed so that he could join her downstairs, but then he heard someone else’s voice from downstairs. Had his mum invited the neighbor over to join them? He thought he remembered her saying something about making plans with them today. He didn’t mind but he wished she had told him. He listened at his door to see if he recognized who the person was, but he couldn’t quite hear them from where he was standing.

Throwing on some khaki shorts, a tank top, a blue light cardigan, and Phil’s jacket on top, he lightly padded downstairs, listening carefully and trying to figure out who his mother was talking to. He turned the corner and headed for the kitchen.

He must have been crazy. This guy almost sounded like-

“Phil?” Dan looked at the tall boy who was standing against the cabinets in his kitchen.

“Oh! Perfect! You’re up!” his mum came over and placed a kiss gently on Dan’s frozen head. Dan was just staring at the boy who was giving him a knowing look. “If I had known that your best friend was coming I would have prepared a better breakfast for you two!”

“Oh that’s alright, Mrs. Howell. I’m actually only here to steal Dan’s cereal,” he joked, making Dan’s mum laugh.

“Is that right? Well help yourself. I’ll have some pancakes ready in a few,” she handed Phil Dan’s cereal box. Dan was still speechless. He actually couldn’t believe that Phil was standing in his kitchen, talking to his mum, and now opening his cereal. “Go on, show Phil where the dining table is.”

His mum gestured for them to leave the kitchen and Dan blinked a few times before registering what he was supposed to be doing. He grabbed a couple bowls, spoons and then a carton of milk, looking at Phil and then turning to lead him into the dining room.

“You have such a lovely house, Mrs. Howell,” Phil cheesed, making Dan’s mum blush. Dan swore if he kept this up, his mum was going to end up running away with his boyfriend.

“Thank you, Dear. You’ll have to let Mr. Howell know you said that. He loves this place,” she commented, implying that Phil would still be here tonight when he got home from work. “You are staying for supper, right Phil?”

Phil looked at Dan’s wide brown eyes, biting his lip and nodding.

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world. Dan always tells me that your cooking is wonderful,” Phil kind of lied. Dan had told him that his mum’s eggs were pretty good one morning. But that was about it. He heard his mother gasp in flattery as she made some pancakes on the griddle.

“Well you’re welcome to spend the night, Dear. We unfortunately don’t have a guest room but we can just set you up on the couch or in Dan’s room,” she offered.

“Thanks so much,” Phil replied. “That’s very kind.”

Phil sat down at the seat his brother usually took and Dan slowly sat at the seat across from it, staring the blue eyed boy down as he poured himself a heaping bowl of cereal.

“You know, I haven’t seen you in like a month. The least you could do is say hello. Nice jacket by the way,” Phil said without even looking up. Dan’s mouth was slightly open and there was nothing coming out. No air, no words, no hello. Phil just poured some milk into the bowl and began to eat. He finally looked up as he was chewing and kind of smiled. He waited until most of the spoonful was swallowed before talking again. “It’s fine. I’m here for the cereal anyway. You know my mum cut me off? It’s tragic.”

Dan blinked.

“Your mum was telling me some good stories this morning,” Phil teased. “I heard that a certain someone really liked the spice girls when they were little.”

Dan could feel his face going red and as if on queue, his mother walked in with a plate of pancakes.

“Here you are, boys,” she smiled at Phil and handed him a plate. “Please, help yourself! I can always make more if you’re still hungry.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Howell,” Phil smiled up at her with cereal in his mouth. “Will you be joining us?”

“Well as I said, I wish I had known that you were coming around today. I made plans with the neighbor for lunch and I really ought to be going. I will be back later and you can tell me all about yourself, Phil,” his mother said politely as she looked at her watch. “But please, enjoy the breakfast!”

Dan didn’t speak. She kissed the top of his head, gathered her purse and her keys, then left the house. Dan heard the door slam over the sound of Phil’s chewing. He was helping himself to both more cereal and a stack of pancakes.

“Dan, I don’t know who I’ve been Skyping this whole time but it certainly wasn’t a mute man,” Phil commented on Dan’s quiet behavior. “Please don’t tell me you’ve been cat fishing me.”

More silence. Dan couldn’t bring himself to say anything. He was just so ecstatic that Phil was sitting in front of him, in the flesh, that his throat was closing up.

“Fine. I’m guessing you don’t want any food then? Because in that case I’m just going to-”

“Phil. What the hell?” Dan finally said, shocked by the sound of his own voice. It was morning after all. Phil stopped speaking and looked at Dan, expecting more. “How did you get here? How do you know where I live?”

“You sent me your address, remember?” Phil answered. “And I took a train.”

“Why are you here?” Dan asked. It sounded a lot harsher than he had meant it to, but he assumed that Phil understood the confusion. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because I thought it would be a nice surprise. I didn’t realize you’d be so offended,” Phil joked, shoving some pancakes into his already rather full mouth.

“I’m not-” Dan tried to argue but he just couldn’t get over how beautiful Phil was. Sitting in front of him and munching away on some quality food. It was almost like he hadn’t eaten in a decade. “Not offended. Just surprised.”

“Well your surprised face is boring,” Phil jabbed, laughing a little as he kept eating. “I hope you’re room is clean. Because I’m going to have to see where you’ve been nesting all month.”

Dan had actually cleaned it a couple days ago out of boredom. He let out a sigh of relief when he remembered that, not wanting to give Phil the wrong impression of his lifestyle. Even thought he knew the older boy wouldn’t judge, it was still something he didn’t want to showcase.

“It’s clean,” Dan nodded and let the older boy finish his extensive breakfast while he nibbled on a single pancake.

“You know it might taste better if you put some Marmite on it,” Phil pointed out, sticking his tongue out at Dan.

“Your mum is Marmite,” Dan fired back, shoving the pancake into his mouth and helping clear the plates from the table. “Come on. Let’s go see my room.”

Phil hopped up and carried his empty dishes to the sink, placing them inside, grabbing the bag he must have traveled with and running to catch up to Dan who was already halfway up the stairs. Phil still had his mouth full with his last bite of breakfast and he called after Dan with pancake in his cheek.

“So your mum is nice,” he said. Dan rolled his eyes. “She seems to fancy me.”

“Maybe a little too much,” Dan snarked back. Phil laughed and followed Dan into the door that lead to his bedroom. He opened it and stepped aside as he let Phil enter first. Phil looked around the tiny bedroom and smiled when he saw the messy bed. Dan closed the door behind Phil, clicking the lock and then watching as the older boy sat down on the bed he had slept in for 19 years. This was a mind fuck if he had ever seen one. He now knew how Phil must have felt when Dan came home with him for the first time.

It was then that it clicked. He was standing in his room, alone in the house, with a boy he hadn’t seen, touched, hugged or kissed in a month, and they were meters apart. He furrowed his brow, not believing how he had managed to go this long without touching him, then he stepped forward and collapsed his body onto the older boy’s. Phil looked surprised but he opened his arms in an accepting hug. He chuckled a little too and it melted his heart.

“I’ve missed you too,” Phil said, not requiring Dan to say anything at all. Dan lifted his head from the crevice in Phil’s neck, looking down at the boy who looked so happy to be under him. His tongue was poking out a little and Dan wanted nothing more than to kiss that look off Phil’s face. And that is exactly what he did. He leaned down and kissed the boy who he had been longing to kiss for so long, he forgot what it felt like. The world stopped and he fell apart in Phil’s arms. He thought he was about to cry. The emotions that he had held back all those weeks so that he wouldn’t miss Phil as much, came flooding back and he let them out in the kiss. Phil hummed quietly against his lips, understanding and taking the emotions off of Dan. “I love you.”

The way Phil spoke through the kiss made Dan shudder but he didn’t want to stop the kiss now. He just wanted to kiss Phil forever. But of course, they couldn’t kiss forever. Dan’s mum would come back, he’d have to pretend that Phil was just a friend and this kiss would have to stand in as a placeholder until they got themselves alone once more.

Dan pulled away gently and smiled at Phil who was glowing. It seemed that they both felt the same way.

“I can’t believe you’re here,” Dan said, his voice barely loud enough to hear.

“I bear gifts!” Phil said, rolling out from under Dan and going over to the bag he had dropped on the floor. He pulled something out of it and hid it behind his back.

“On what occasion?” Dan felt bad that he had nothing for Phil.

“I saw something that made me think of you.”

“Phil...”

“No, listen,” Phil smiled, stepping closer to the boy who was now sitting upright on his bed. “Your favorite book is _Where the Wild Things Are_ , correct?”

“Yeah,” Dan smiled, remembering how much he liked that book. Sometimes he felt stupid because that was one of his favorites, but he remembered that Phil was just as childish as he was sometimes. In his defense, that book had a very deep meaning.

“Well I saw this little guy...” Phil pulled out a stuffed animal from behind his back. There, in Phil’s hands, was a little stuffed monster from the book. Dan eyed it and then looked up at Phil with appreciation. “And I figured you might want him.”

Dan reached out and grabbed the stuffed animal, inspecting it and playing with the fur around its mane. Instantly he was brought back to the first time he read the book. His mother sitting down on his bed and going through each page slowly with him. This was before he could read. Before he could even appreciate the story at all. Then his mind traveled to Phil’s house, the first time, looking at the bookshelf and finding his favorite among the many books that the Lesters had collected. Dan found himself staring at the object for longer than he intended and Phil read his mind.

“That book was the first thing you looked at when you visited my house for the first time. It only makes sense that I give you this the first time I visit yours,” Phil grinned, swaying back and forth on his feet. “Do you like it?”

Phil asked, nudging him a little. He must have lost track of time while he was deep in memories.

“I love it,” Dan said softly, petting it’s fur a little. “Thanks, Phil.”

Dan didn’t have time to admire the small gift for long because Phil pretty much immediately pulled the thing from his hand, threw it across the room and switched subjects entirely.

“You’re welcome!” Phil gleamed and nodded, looking around the room. “So tell me, Dan. How do you feel about making a video?”

“A-a video? Right now?”

“Yeah. The one I suggested weeks ago! I brought my camera!” Phil gestured towards the bag. “Come on. The lighting will be great from this window!”

“You think?” Dan looked at the window and then back at Phil.

“Yeah! We can sit _riiiiight_...” Phil walked over to the spot next to the window and he stomped on the ground with his left foot. “Here.”

“I mean...I guess I’d be okay doing a-”

“Okay great!” Phil reached down and grabbed his camera, beginning the process of setting it up. Dan just watched as he found a place to perch the recording device. Dan shrugged off the jacket to reveal his blue cardigan and slowly sank to the floor, scooting up towards Phil. “I came prepared with some questions! I collected them while I was on the train!”

“You have to edit it,” Dan said, ignoring what Phil had just told him, thinking back to the past couple weeks. Editing videos took him _forever_. He needed to get some tips from Phil but in the meantime, if they were making a video, he was going to make his boyfriend do the hard part. He knew it would look better if he just left it to Phil.

“Fine, I’ll edit it,” Phil agreed, not seeming to mind the responsibility.

When the camera was all set up, Phil turned to him and asked if he was ready. They both fixed their fringes and then nodded. The older boy reached out and pressed the button on the camera. Dan got excited. This was just like PINOF, only this time, they were in his bedroom. He still couldn’t get over the fact that Phil was sitting there, on his bedroom floor, filming a video for _his_ channel. So much had changed.

“Hey, Dan. You wanna answer some questions?” Phil asked him, looking at the camera.

“No.”

They both laughed.

 

-

 

“Phil, could you pass me that wooden spoon?” Dan’s mum asked the raven haired boy. They were both standing in the kitchen, helping Dan’s mother with cooking supper. Dan was cutting some coriander and Phil was stood near the sink, standing by in case there were any dishes to wash. Dan watched as Phil handed his mum the utensil and smiled when they made eye contact.

“We are nearly finished,” his mum said, tasting the thing she had been stirring on the stove. “Your father will be home any minute.”

Dan collected the plates on the counter and went to set the dining room table.

“Thank you, Dear.”

The moment he finished setting the table, he heard the front door open. It was none other than his father. He saw Phil in the corner of his eye fixing his shirt and hair. Dan wanted to go over and tell Phil that there was no need to be nervous but to be fair, he felt the same way when he met Phil’s family.

Dan’s father walked into the kitchen, kissed his mum and then his attention turned to Phil.

“You must be Phil,” he held out his hand to shake. Phil nodded and gave his dad a firm handshake.

“I am. It’s nice to meet you, Sir,” Phil smiled his brightest smile, the one that Dan could never resist, making his father smile as well. Phil was such a wonderful person, he couldn’t imagine his father not liking him right away.

“Supper is ready!” his mother called, corralling everyone into the dining room and placing food down in the middle of the table. Dan and Phil sat next to each other and Dan’s parents sat across from them. Dan made sure that he was across from his father, just in case. His mum had taken a liking to Phil anyways.

“Thank you for letting me stay for supper,” Phil said, making eye contact with Dan’s dad. Dan watched as his father nodded with a smile.

“Anytime.”

Dan looked at Phil and told himself that he should be taking notes. Phil was very good at first impressions. Most of the time, new people could never get his father to smile.

They all served themselves, passing the dishes around and Dan’s father told them about his day at work. That was rather typical and Dan felt bad for Phil because the stories were never really exciting. Just the same old work drama that Dan only half understood. Something about a woman named Felicia, screwing everything up.

“So, Phil,” his mother addressed the older boy when her husband had stopped his rant. “Tell me, what brings you up to visit?”

Phil finished chewing his food and smiled over at Dan.

“Well, Dan here was getting lonely so I figured I’d come give him something to do,” Phil answered. “Not that you two aren’t good company, I just think he needed someone from University. Isn’t that right, Bear?”

Dan nodded without thinking but it was a few seconds before he registered why his parents were looking at him funny.

“Of course,” his mum smiled. “And I’m sorry, but Dan? Did he just call you _Bear._ ”

“Y-yeah,” he answered, his face going red. He hadn’t even noticed.

“Dan has only ever let us call him that,” she spoke slowly. “Phil, forgive me for saying this but I think you’re the first person that Dan has ever taken a liking to.”

Phil laughed and Dan’s face only went more red.

“I know. He’s a tough one to crack,” Phil pretended to punch Dan’s arm and Dan just sighed, looking at his food and trying to hide the blush that had taken over his face completely. “If it makes you feel any better, Dan, when I was little, I couldn’t pronounce _Phil_ so I called myself Dibit.”

“Dibit?”

“Yeah. Don’t ask me. But my family called me Dibit for the longest time. It took a while to get out of that one,” he said as he forked some food into his mouth. “And you know my brother. Once he latches on to something, he will stop at nothing to annoy me.”

They talked for a little bit about Dan’s brother and how he had gone to camp for the summer. Phil told them that he would just have to come back another time to meet him and that he would love to get to know Dan’s whole family. His mother was practically glowing.

“Dan tells me that you’ll be a senior this year?” Dan’s father spoke up, naturally bringing up University. Dan had already warned Phil that this might happen but the older boy didn’t seem shaken in the slightest, he just nodded and answered with a level tone.

“Yupp, final year.”

“Do you have anything lined up for afterward?” he asked, glancing at Dan in the process. Dan knew what he was trying to do but he wasn’t going to say anything.

“Actually, I do. I got offered a job at the BBC Radio 1 station in Manchester. I’m going to have my very own radio show,” he said proudly, grinning at Dan’s father who actually looked surprised. Dan smiled a little on Phil’s behalf.

“That’s wonderful, Dear!” Dan’s mum piped in, supportive as always. “That will be a great job for you.”

She spoke as if she had known Phil for ages. Dan wasn’t going to argue because it was true, but he thought it was actually hilarious how much his mum liked Phil.

“And Phil, I can’t imagine you don’t have a girlfriend by now,” his mum asked casually and Dan tensed up.

“Well actually Mrs. Howell, I’m not interested in women,” Phil said without missing a beat. Dan noticed his father’s eyebrow lift. His mum however clasped her hands together.

“Oh how brilliant! Then a boyfriend surely,” she responded quickly. Dan stilled. Even Phil kind of shifted. He wasn’t really sure how Phil was going to answer because there was no way he was going to out Dan to his family without asking. But Phil didn’t like lying. It was always something that rubbed him the wrong way so Dan felt bad making him do it. He glanced over at his boyfriend with a sympathetic gaze. Phil had shoved some food into his mouth to buy himself time to think of a response. He knew that look anywhere.

Then something occurred to him.

He had already signed the papers that withdrew him from his University, he and his parents had built a better relationship than they had at the beginning of the summer, and what the hell was he trying to hide? Dan’s mum _loved_ Phil. Even if he covered it up now, he couldn’t forever. What if he wanted to get married? Have kids? They would inevitably always have to have this conversation. So why the fuck wouldn’t he have it now? His greatest fear was his dad’s reaction but if his dad was fond of Phil as well, then he would learn to get over it. And even if he had a problem, he was a polite man, he wouldn’t say anything at the table. Especially in front of Phil. Plus, all that aside, Dan _wanted_ to tell his parents. It would make a lot of things much easier on him. He thought about how easy it was to be with Phil’s family and how easy it was to be with his friends. This was the only thing left for him to do to make his life as easy as possible. He just had to risk one little moment to make it happen. And it would be totally worth it.

He spent exactly two seconds pondering all of this, letting the realization hit him. The longer he waited, the more it made sense. This was who he was. He might as well tell his parents. Phil was almost done chewing and he knew that the moment Phil opened his mouth, he would either be lying or just telling them something vague. Dan didn’t want either so he dropped his fork and looked up.

“Actually,” he cleared his throat. All three of them looked at Dan. Phil looked relieved, assuming that Dan had thought of something to save him. “Phil and I are kind of...”

He watched Phil’s mouth drop.

“We’re kind of together,” Dan spat the sentence out and then just waited. He didn’t look down, he didn’t look away, he stared his mum straight in the face and she just looked at Phil, then at him, then at her husband, then back at Dan. He could see Phil covering his mouth with his hand. He looked like he was trying to hide a smile, but that was impossible because Dan could see it in his eyes. “I’m...sorry I didn’t tell you before I just didn’t know if-”

“That is absolutely _wonderful_!” his mum said, looking at Phil again. This time with a look of endearment that Dan had never seen. “I can’t believe you let him lie to me for this long! Shame on you, Phil.”

She was joking. Actually joking. It was as if Dan had brought home a girl. It hadn’t mattered one bit that it was Phil. Even his dad seemed unshaken by the whole thing. He just continued to eat and nod along with his wife. Dan was absolutely floored. He couldn’t believe that it had gone that swimmingly. And with all that worry as well.

“I’m just as shocked as you are, Mrs. Howell,” Phil was looking at Dan with wonder in his eyes. “He told me he wasn’t quite ready yet.”

“Well I’m glad you told me,” she smiled at Dan and then at the two of them as she kept eating. “It’s good to know there’s someone that treats my boy right. I was starting to worry that he was never going to-”

“Mum!” Dan stopped her. “I’m not socially inept.”

“I know, I know...” she trailed off, not explaining where she was going with her statement. She just smiled to herself and ate her food.

Eventually the conversation went back to normal. Phil told Dan’s parents about his own family, the conversation drifting into old family stories. Dan listened to his boyfriend talk and just sort of zoned out. He was finally in the place that he had aspired to be in. A place where he felt completely comfortable with himself and who he told people that he was. It was an amazing feeling and he once again found himself thinking about why he hadn’t done it sooner.

Supper ended and they began to clear their plates. Dan and Phil brought their dishes to the sink and they were about to go upstairs to play some video games when Dan’s parents stopped them.

“Hey, Phil, could we speak to you for a moment alone?” his mum asked Dan’s boyfriend and Phil nodded. He didn’t really have a choice in the matter and Dan couldn’t argue with his parents. He hesitantly walked up the stairs alone and to his room, shutting the door and sitting on the bed. He was holding both stuffed animals that Phil had given him, trying to think about what his parents possibly could want from Phil. Dan trusted his parents a lot more than he had before, but he still had no idea what they were capable of asking or doing. Maybe they were going tell Phil to end it with him so that he would try and finish school. Or maybe they would tell him all of Dan’s weird child stories, scaring the older boy away. He literally had no idea and the longer he was down there with them, the more worried Dan got. He had just come out to them and had no idea what he had unleashed onto Phil.

Finally, as he thought his whole world was about to implode, there was a soft knock at his bedroom door. A second later, Phil was walking in. He said nothing, closing the door and walking over to Dan who had curled himself up on his bed. Phil sat at Dan’s feet and reached out to pet his calve.

“So?” Dan asked, afraid of the answer he was about to receive. Phil looked more confused than anything.

“I think your mum just gave me her blessing...” Phil said slowly and as if he didn’t really understand it himself.

“What?” Dan sat up a little, his face scrunching up. “She did _what_?”

“She told me to take care of you and make sure you didn’t let your life fall apart,” Phil said with a smile. “And of course I told her that it already had.”

“Phil!” Dan shoved him a little while he giggled.

“Relax, I’m joking.”

“Also, you’re leaving with me tomorrow. So I’m supposed to help you pack,” Phil looked around the room.

“What?” Dan couldn’t believe his ears.

“Yeah. I told your mum I was awfully lonely there by myself. She told me as long as you call her some more, you’re allowed to move back tomorrow,” Phil explained. This was music to Dan’s ears. He didn’t think it could get better than this. “And your dad told me that you had a few months before you had to start paying rent.”

Dan lunged forward and kissed Phil. Hard. Phil grabbed his face and kissed him back, laughing as he did.

“But seriously Dan, call your mum more. Or she’ll send you back,” he looked concerned, as if Dan was going to be taken away from him like some abused puppy.

“Okay, okay. I will,” Dan agreed, just wanting to go back to kissing his boyfriend. And that was what he did. For minutes. He kissed Phil until they were sick of sucking face. And then after a few hours of victory video games, long after Dan’s parents had gone to bed, Dan and Phil finally stripped and climbed into the tiny twin that was Dan’s childhood bed.

“This is not an ideal size for two people,” Dan complained, scooting closer to Phil.

“I kind of like it,” Phil said, snuggling in that much more. “The bed in our place is just so big without you.”

“But we’re on top of each other in this bed,” Dan said, gesturing to their skin contact.

“That’s not true,” Phil argued, smiling and rolling so that he was _actually_ on top of Dan. “ _Now_ we’re on top of each other.”

Dan sighed but said nothing. He just looked up at the boy who was lying on top of him, his hair dangling down into his face and his eyes reflecting off of the tiny night light in his room.

“I’ve missed you so much,” Dan said, admiring the smile that Phil was now giving him. “God, Phil, how did I ever _not_ see you as attractive?”

“I was wondering the same thing myself,” Phil joked, laughing rather loudly. “I am pretty handsome.”

“Shhh Phil. My parents are asleep,” Dan reminded.

“Speaking of your parents,” Phil started. He was smiling and looking at Dan with confusion. “What the hell was that? You just went for the gold there at dinner.”

Dan blushed.

“I mean, I knew you were getting closer with them, but holy crap! I can’t believe it. I was shocked,” Phil jabbed his side a little. “I’m so proud of you, Bear.”

The more Phil praised, the more red Dan got. Finally he retaliated and playfully jabbed Phil back.

“That’s for calling me Bear at the table. I’m never going to hear the end of it,” Dan didn’t comment on his method of coming out, he just glared at the older boy who was snickering at him. Phil rolled his eyes and put his head into Dan’s neck. It would have been a rather innocent move, but Phil placed his lips in the sensitive part, sucking lightly and making Dan shudder. “Phil!”

“I’m sorry I just...” he let his hips grind down on Dan’s, making Dan’s core heat up a little. There was very little fabric between them and it had been _so_ long. “I’ve just missed this so much.”

“But we have a nice big bed at home where we can-”

“But Daaaaaaaan,” Phil whined softly, kissing at his neck. “I want to make love _noooow_.”

“Right now?” Dan asked, kind of shocked that Phil wanted to try it in this tiny bed. “Did you even bring lube?”

“I did,” Phil declared, pointing at his bag next to the bed. “Just in case.”

“And this is your _just in case_ scenario?” Dan laughed at the boy but when he chuckled, he felt how hard Phil had become against him. He wasn’t going to be able to say no when his own member figured out what was going on. Phil just nodded desperately. Dan looked at him for a moment and then sighed. “Okay. Fine. But we have to be really _really_ quiet. You understand?”

“Yes Sir,” Phil said quietly into Dan’s ear. The moment he felt the warm air on his lobe, he was basically erect. Phil chuckled, feeling Dan’s cock on his own. Dan decided he might as well just give up and go along with it.

“Fuck, Phil. Show me what I was missing,” he quietly challenged the older boy who reached down and grabbed the lube, raising his eyebrows and disappearing under the covers.

 

-

 

Saying goodbye to his family was much easier than saying goodbye to Phil. It was almost like his a parents wanted him to go. He wasn’t sure what Phil had told them, but they were totally fine with Dan being under Phil’s care. Dan decided not to question it and they were off to Manchester early in the morning. They had to leave before Dan’s father went to work so that Dan could say goodbye. They had only gotten a few hours of sleep - after the quiet sex and the endless giggles, Dan was ready to get to his new home and relax with the person he shared it with.

The train ride was long but he just nodded in and out of sleep, watching Phil edit their video on his laptop. He even tried to learn a few things while they were at it. Phil showed him how to add lightening into their shots which blew his mind.

When they arrived at their flat at almost noon, Phil stopped in front of the door, fishing something out of his pocket. 

“Would you like to do the honors?” Phil asked him, handing over a small silver key. Dan looked at Phil and was about to tell him once again how amazing he was, but his train of thought was interrupted by his stomach growling. He hadn’t realized how hungry he had become and the moment he twisted the key into the lock, opening the door, he remembered the night they sat on the roof and saw the flat from above.

“You said the diner is only a minute from here?” Dan dropped his things near the front door and looked out the window in the living room. Sure enough, right down the street, the red letters from the outside of the diner caught his eye. “Oh my God, it’s _right_ there.”

“Yeah. You want to get some pancakes?” Phil came up behind him and snaked his arms around the younger boy’s waist. Dan knew that Phil could feel the way his stomach was rumbling where his hands were placed.

“I would like nothing more,” Dan turned around in Phil’s arms, his nose meeting another nose, which was much closer than he thought. Phil planted a short kiss on his lips and smiled.

“We can unpack later,” Phil suggested. Dan looked around. Everything was organized and the flat actually looked like people lived in it.

“It seems you already took care of most of that,” Dan commented, shocked that Phil got all of it done in just a few weeks. There were couches and cabinets, filled with little trinkets and books. Dan didn’t know where he got all of those things but he decided he wouldn’t question Phil’s abilities. He was scanning the room and his eyes caught something that made his stomach flip. His piano. Set up beautifully in the corner of the living room, right where he imagined it would be. And above it, something sat in a black frame, hanging delicately above the giant musical instrument. The flash card that started it all was displayed beautifully against the wall. He glanced at it for a moment and Phil seemed to notice his awe for the object. He gently placed a kiss onto Dan’s head and then broke them apart, grabbing Dan’s hand suddenly.

Then they were outside again. Phil was locking up and Dan was following him down a street and into the diner. Their usual waitress actually seemed delighted to see them, commenting on how it was nice to see Phil with another person. He leaned in to Dan as they were guided to their table, telling him that he had come a couple times alone that week which was really “no fun”.

They situated themselves at their usual booth and Dan took in the same surroundings he had taken in for months. This diner was a piece of them now and it was a wonder how Phil found an apartment so close to it. He watched as the waitstaff hustled like usual, carrying short stacks of pancakes to tables that greeted them with open mouths. The waitress came over and Phil ordered them a milkshake while Dan continued to look around at their favorite place. When he turned and met Phil’s gaze, he was surprised to find his eyes wide open and his chin in his hand, admiring him from across the table.

“What?” Dan tried not to smile but he couldn’t help himself. Phil was being pretty cute as well. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“The first time we met, I was the nervous-est person ever...” Phil finally said. His tone was serious and quiet and Dan straightened up as he listened to his boyfriend talk. “But that was just because I really liked you, and luckily you saw through that...”

Dan smiled, letting the boy in front of him keep going. He watched as Phil fidgeted with the side of the table.

“We’ve had some really good days I think. The week we spent together in my house was amazing, I think that’s when I properly fell in love with you. And when we watched Wall-E, and then cried. Then you kissed me and my heart did that flippy-over thing, and, it’d never done that before, so… that was nice,” Phil was rambling but Dan didn’t want to stop him. “All the cuddles in bed and three-hour breakfasts. Lying on the sofa and watching films and lying in my bed...and funny times in my bed.”

“Lots of things in bed,” Dan commented, laughing a little. Phil nodded but he wasn’t done.

“And when we couldn’t be together, all the hundreds of hours of Skype calls that we’ve had have made me eight million times happier,” he bit his lip. “And so many other things that I’m probably forgetting, but those are just a few that make me smile. And I just wanna say that I love you so much and I’m so happy to have you in my life and… you are the best person in the world. So thank you, for being so amazing.”

He stopped and Dan was left staring at the boy who had suddenly become so nervous in front of him. He was looking down into his lap, his hair falling into his face to hide the blush. Dan couldn’t help but smile at the image of his boyfriend, coy and nervous, a feeling that Dan could relate to.

Dan reached out and grabbed Phil’s slightly shaking hand. It was cold. Dan wrapped his fingers around it and Phil looked up to meet Dan’s smiling face.

“Have I ever told you how glad I am that you like to talk to strangers?”

“Yes. Yes you have,” Phil said softly. “But you can tell me again.”

“Well. I’m glad you talk to strangers,” Dan repeated, hypnotized by Phil’s beautiful eyes.

They sat there for a moment in silence as he looked deep into the eyes in front of him.

“I love you, Dan,” Phil whispered. Without even blinking, Dan nodded and muttered the most important words he’s ever said.

“I love you too, Phil.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello My Beautiful Readers!
> 
> I realize that this is the first you have heard something from me (other than in the comments) and I just wanted to thank you all for sticking with it and reading my story. I am sorry that it had to come to an end, but all great stories have an end, including this one. I am so flattered by all of the comments I have received on this monster and it’s amazing how many of you are so supportive of my writing. This is the first fic I’ve ever written so it’s incredible to me that it has done so well! I haven’t given a sequel much thought because this story seems to finish quite well, but it isn’t over, I promise. I will be writing a series of timestamps from other character’s points of view which I think will be very cute. I will upload them as I finish them and I hope that will help fill the void in your hearts. <3  
> You are all wonderful people who have supported me from day one and it brings me great pleasure to know that you’ve stuck around for this long. You people are what I do this for and perhaps another fic is on the horizon. ;)  
> Thanks for everything you guys and check out my other stories while you’re crying about the end of this one.
> 
> A special thanks to everyone who has commented all along:  
> NightOwI, Chee-chan, ciarawilson, Cato Kitty, Cinna, Olivia, Vonni, f.m, firecrown, Marley, MicroscopicMurder, lexilovee, fizzlemon, Niamh, CAN YOU FUCKING NOT, JoeAverage, phangirloo, justalostsoul, Rachel Levin, Gxypsyprincess, ShootBackHolyWater, Avery, Esmeralda, Samiam09, PiperMashea, Phanonice, Raquel, 6licoricesticks, Aria, justalostsoul, pastamagic, danisdaddy, smiles4days97, Amy, JohnlockPhantrash.  
> A very special thanks to all you folks that commented on every update. You are the reason I get out of bed every morning. ;)
> 
> I love you all and thanks again for reading Nothing Like a Storybook.  
> -Merrydith. <3


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